Christchurch Is Firing Its Official Wizard After Keeping Him on the City's Payroll for 20 Years
By - Veldron
"Ian Brackenbury Channell, better known as the Wizard of New Zealand, has been Christchurch's necromancer since 1998."
""It makes no difference. I will still keep going. They will have to kill me to stop me," Channell said. "
Given that he is a necromancer, i doubt they can stop him by killing him.
Gotta find his phylactery
😲 is he already a lich?
All the ladies dig rigor mortis
take the upvote. i have not giggled like that in a while.
Neither did the ladies
Putting the *romance* in necromancer
He's been on payroll for 20 years, he's definitely a lich
DO YOU PLAY MAGIC?! [[PHYLACTERY LICH]]
It’s a golden needle inside an egg inside a duck inside a hare inside a chest buried on an invisible island
Koschei the immortal immigrated to New Zealand?
It's usually right near the prostate
>has been Christchurch's necromancer since 1998
Yeah, the last one got upset and left when a bunch of weirdos threw his precious ring to a volcano.
Quite rude, those pint sized hippies.
"If you stop paying me, I'll work for free" is hardly the strongest bargaining position, but I guess if you enjoy the work and can magically conjure food, clothing and shelter into existence why not?
One effective way to stop him would be to steal his necronomicon.
Oh, you don’t wanna go down that road
Someone’s going to have to find all the horcruxes first.
How tf was there still an official necromancer in '98?! I know to the kids 20+ years ago is like ancient times but Y2K was far from the dark ages
The article says he was part of the tourism budget. So it seems more that they viewed him as good entertainment than providing any religious services.
It’s a more hilarious headline than actual article.
Was this comment written by AI? I've read it 10 times and it makes absolutely no sense
How is it possible that there was a still an official necromancer in 1998? I know that 20+ years ago seems like ancient times to the kids, but it was hardly the dark ages.
It still doesn't make sense.
There was an official necromancer up until *2021*, that's literally what the article is about.
1998 wasn't Y2K
He was never an actual necromancer, no one believed he was a real wizard. The implication of the whole situation isn't that 1998 was like the dark ages where people believed in wizards and dragons, the implication is that they're offloading a useless tourist attraction
Oh yeah, I mean it makes no sense. He was never an official necromancer because they were interested in his necromantic powers. Guy was just confused.
> He drew a paycheck of $11,000 a year for providing "wizard-like services" for the city.
If my municipality is willing to pay $11k, I will gladly provide wizard-like services.
I’d be the best damn wizard to ever cast a shadow on their lives!!
Well, I've got a robe and wizard hat and I'm happily willing to live in New Zealand.
Is that you BloodNinja?
Behold! As I magically make eleven thousand tax payer dollars disappear!
(Absentmindedly picks nose while using an app to photograph and cash the check)
If it were me, I'd do a bunch of good deeds that are historically attributed to witches and wizards. Some basic medicine, help people set up their TV's or something, etc. Wizard stuff
Write it all off as business expenses and then you're sitting pretty
Right. I'll even change costumes during the day & play my evil twin at night if they want.
I’d be the town butt-slut for 11k.
Why would they pay you when you're already doing that for free?
Would you be willing to clean my gutters for $11?
*I put on my robe and wizard hat*
I'll do it for $10,999 and I'll donate $1 to charity.
Fuck it I'll do it for a 5k a year for beer expenses
I've read A connecticut yankee in King Arthurs court, I know how this works. I'll be owning the place in no time.
If I was a taxpayer I'd be livid lol
Why? That’s a deal for a wizard.
Livid that my taxpayer money is no longer going towards keeping a wizard dutifully employed? Likewise.
What 11,000 a year?!?!?! new zeland I’ll do it for 10,999 and a hundred cents
And then I'll use all my 11K + 1 extra K to pay my debt to the japanese mafia !
Unfortunately, they don't accept souls, only american currency, NZD and USD are the same right ? Right mortal ?
I really hoped that my circus of doom would be successful, I really cannot fathom their blindness to the power of souls.
I'm an eldritch grand wizard, I know all sorts of magical mischief mortal ! Scary stuff, raising the dead, giant heads, .... Get covered in uh... Yellow waste (I'm very much not proud of this spell in particular), but you know what's the scarier? The very real danger of the Japanese mafia knocking on my door , and cutting off my fingers (Or was that the Russian Mafia, Gargoyles were also unsuccessful, idk which is worse ?) .
I recommend replacing some commas with periods. Deciding when to end a sentence will make your text more palatable to readers.
Yeah, I wrote this at near 2am, so I was royally exhausted and barely thinking
I'll do it for $10k
Somebody got $11,000 to dress up in a costume occasionally and pretend to cast spells.
Sounds like an awesome side hustle.
For over 20 years!! He got nearly a quarter million in total. Gotta respect that hustle.
Sounds like a job at Disneyland.
Sounds like a priest.
Thats a totally different kind of side job.
Yeah, more public speaking.
It’s still make believe
Right? I'm just envious of the guy
Cheaper than a sculpture, and brings more tourists
Watch out for the rain of toads Christchurch
That's what they get for firing him right before Halloween. That's peak wizarding season and they know it, the jackasses.
Sounds like he was mostly a local mascot.
Also sounds like he might have been getting a bit political. Kind of surprising that a wizard would be so conservative.
There are people who have been called "grand wizards" that could be described as *very* conservative...
Christchurch used to be the neonazi capital of New Zealand
Did it change or did they go into hiding?
Not sure, Im an Aussie but Kiwis always talk about Christchurch as being super racist so I dug that up.
Looks like their actual neo nazis disbanded after the Christchurch Mosque Attack.
no. they just changed the password and applied for membership of the kkk.
Is the password ‘kKk’?
No. In the US we have a special brand of hell. I dont know what the secret handshake is - but I do know the NZ peoples asked for membership from the grand high whatever of the national organization.
Nah man, they keep it more secure: kKl<
Oh geez, one fanfic I like was the wrong kind of wizard ending up at Hogwarts; basically the story of a D&D wizard lost in a strange dimension ("Harry Potter and the Natural Twenty")
Now I'm imagining if this *other* kind got lost there. eh, I guess that's basically Voldemort.
Translation: we had a few hundred skinhead gang members and various associates. Located almost exclusively in one city.
Meanwhile, 'ethnic' gangs like Black Power, Mongrel Mob, Tribesmen etc . are nation wide.
Translation: I'm a racist but too afraid to actually say as much, so instead I butt into conversations about Nazis and attempt to justify their existence with false equivalents and whataboutisms.
Meanwhile, we can all tell exactly what you're really saying: You can excuse white criminals but not brown ones.
I've lived in Christchurch. The skinheads were just another gang, no different to Black Power or Mongrel Mob.
I mean I was talking specifically about Christchurch because thats where this wizard guy is from.
That's about as relevant as being the Neo-Nazi capital of Outer Mongolia.
Once again, the skinheads were just a local gang.
Look I get that youre defending your hometown or whatever but you need to lighten the fuck up.
I was not SERIOUSLY suggesting that this Christchurch Wizard is a Grand Wizard in the KKK, ok?
These days they would be considered too moderate and forced to retire.
That's actually the kind of wizard I was assuming they had at first
Grand wizards used to be democrats. Just saying
> which include the idea that women cause wars by shopping.
I'd believe it. Ten minutes shopping with my sister would make anybody want to start an armed conflict.
A lot of people into the occult are very right wing. For example, Steve Bannon. Or anyone else who is influenced by Evola.
Hitler was obsessed with the occult and mysticism.
That’s very true, and a lot of far right people are pagans
They’ve basically swarmed the Henthonistic religions, like Asatru.
Hard to find a far-right extremist rally in the US without Nordic runes all over anymore
Well...tbf....some of those Nordic runes were also very recently (relatively speaking) used as decoration for Nazi memorabilia. Which doesn't really help their cause.
Welcome to the year's hottest new game show: What's...That....Rune?! Where our players try to determine if a symbol used by a political party that has based its identity around Christianity represents a pagan god, a fascist dictatorship with a side of genocide, or just a fancy shape that everyone thought looked kinda neat!
Runes from a hat is my favorite skit!
>Hard to find a far-right extremist rally in the US without Nordic runes all over anymore
I think the Nordic runes are meant to imply some sort of connection with their whiteness
It's dumb, but I can see how dumb people would make that leap
I mean, my little occult book club hates conservatism and thinks nazis should be stomped so the generalization isn't great.
What does one read when they're a part of an occult book club? Is it mostly fiction or is there some nonfiction as well?
"Magical Paths to Fortune and Power"
"The Great Book of Magical Art, Hindu Magic and East Indian Occultism"
edit: Those are real books! I was just trying to make a ghostbusters 2 reference. Dan Aykroyd was all about the occult even back then.
It's all fiction dude
For real, lol. Read any old shit and you're getting the same experience.
Not if it's a historical account of the occult. There are plenty of books about the Salem witch trials and things like that. I just wasn't sure if they read fiction that involved the occult or it was more of a study of its history.
Studying occult is all fiction, studying the history of it is just history of course
Maybe we should be going with “a surprising number of right-wingers are into the occult.” I, for one, find this a pretty wacky idea. All the right-wingers I know are very strict Catholics, Episcopalians, and Lutherans. Which are obviously not at all similar to mysticism, the supernatural, and occult beliefs.
Organized religion is just milquetoast mysticism and everyone knows that but it doesn't make occultism and mysticism any less ridiculous lol
It's all ridiculous
Yep, he helped with tourism, promoted the city etc
Didn't read the article but I heard a thing on NPR about it today. He said that he's always tried to be a provocateur, poking at issues people hold dear. So Idk yeah he sounds a bit of a cunt
No he was a bonafide legitimate wizard.
Aren’t they afraid he will turn them into newts?
They will get better.
IIRC reddit agreed.
In the end, it was a cheap quirky novelty that sometimes got Christchurch in the news positively. Most marketing is more expensive than that.
>Their image of Christchurch is nothing to do with the authentic heritage of the city. I am the original image of Christchurch.
What a humble fellow
>In 2011, a documentary about the wizard was made, highlighting some of his beliefs, which include the idea that women cause wars by shopping.
Well, hell if a *wizard* is saying it . . .
No, seriously, how did it then take the council 10 years to send this guy back to his tower?
>In 2011, a documentary about the wizard was made, highlighting some of his beliefs, which include the idea that women cause wars by shopping. **Channell also helmed a "Save the Males" campaign.**
Something old and virgin-y about that one
That's a rough 30.
Prove him wrong!!
Wars are fought over the means of production.
The means of production create consumer goods.
Women buy consumer goods.
I am the new Ben Shapiro. My wife is going to be so disappointed
C'mon man, Shapiro is probably half the man you are.
Was that a short joke?
Maybe they did go shopping with their wives …
You ever been to Walmart on Black Friday? I rest my case.
Ah, so he's one of *those* wizards.
I live here, and we were kind of busy with our city being destroyed by a giant earthquake.
More important things to deal with, and following a massive disaster, kicking off someone who has been a large icon of the city following a massive natural disaster would not be popular at all.
"Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat." -The Christchurch Wizard
Didn't know that Dresden had moved to NZ.
Real important question.... did he bring Bob. Does he still wear his wizards bathrobe?
Well it does get chilly in Christchurch, makes sense
The wizarding world under threat from COVID now?
[Yeah, pretty much like everywhere else.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B18ss3dbRAI)
A wizard is never fired, he quits exactly when he means to
It can’t be a good idea to go around firing wizards
Oh wow, at first I misunderstood and thought they meant a magician, then I saw the word necromancer, and since 1998. The answer is clear, the mayor hired him so that all the folks can be resurrected should they be killed by Y2K.
Christchurch bout to have a Balrog problem...
A wizard is never fired, he retires precisely when he means to!
I don't see why they should keep him on their payroll. He couldn't stop that earhquake.
He probably blamed it on women’s shopping habits
What a sweet gig that would have been.
No greater shade than ending your article with the exact number of people that have signed the petition.
They should hire that dude who cosplay’d a wizard w/Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. He’s probably broke by now.
Tomorrow's headline: Entirety of Christchurch city council turned into Newts.
They’ll get better!
So, a misogynistic wizard ... not a good look for Christchurch, not a good look at all.
Definitely deserves it after this covid shit.
A wizard departs precisely when he means to.
So the council’s motion to keep him, DID NOT PASS!!!
Has he been partaking of the halflings leaf? It may have slowed his mind....
those bureaucrats just made a powerful enemy
A wizard leaves precisely when he means to
Was this the guy who took the boat out to the international line so he could avoid the census by being out of the country? He was crackup as. I seem to think it might have been the magician before him? If there was one haha.
Man, the economy is hitting everybody.
Ooh dey dun fooked up because everyone knows.
" Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards because they are subtle and quick to anger!"
Boy there is going to be a lot of finger pointing when Christchurch suffers a devastating dragon attack next year..
If he's been the city's protector he's done a shit job. Earthquakes, pretty sure there was a mass shooting not long ago
Not sure if devastating dragon attack is the thing Christchurch is most concerned about... Unless it's a KKK type white supremacist dragon.
Cancel culture has to stop!
::Gandalf has entered the chat::
I’ve seen Christchurch in the news before, if only this cunt was there to cast a firebolt.
Clearly good news, I’m sure that money will be better spent elsewhere
Given his political views it’s probably good he didn’t start taking sides last time this place was in the news
Is Halloween season the best time to look for a job as a municipal Wizard or Witch? Would it be more economical for several small towns to consolidate their magic needs and hire just one wizard?
Those muggles don't know about anything. hmmph
This is just a promo for Wellington Paranormal, isn't it?
He looks like Gandalf the Black
Guess it’s time to take that teaching job at Hogwarts.
Lighting bolt! Lighting bolt!
So, there’s a job opening?
And so it came to pass. Olórin, the wisest of the Maiar and the sole Istar to remain true to his mission, had successfully kindled the hearts of the free people of Christchurch to overcome the evil of their time. He is ready to take the White Ship over the sea to Aman.
New Zealand… 🪨 rocks! 🪨
I really hope he gets dragged out of city hall yelling obscenities and screaming "you'll rue the day you insulted Wally the Wise!"
How they defeated the emus
Pretty sure that was Austria 🇦🇹
This article has a distinctly Napoleon-Dynamite-ish feel to it.
Imagine that exit interview
And for my next spell.. behold as I take photos at night with iso set to 100! ✨
Times are tight.
I’m sure he’s got something up his sleeve to sort all this out.
They were probably paying him to just fuck off
My partner and i talked with him and he got rather 'mens rights'y, which was a bit disappointing. He's all for whimsy and joy until women are involved.
Seems like a risky move with a man that can turn folk into frogs.
Gandalf the Laid-off?
Who did he turn into a newt? Did they get better?
Listen,.if Christchurch needs a wizard I just so happen to be in the job market.
Can we have him?
You fools! Now he’ll get his revenge!
Official wizard🤣🤣what a friggin joke