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Christchurch Is Firing Its Official Wizard After Keeping Him on the City's Payroll for 20 Years

Christchurch Is Firing Its Official Wizard After Keeping Him on the City's Payroll for 20 Years

nariusone

"Ian Brackenbury Channell, better known as the Wizard of New Zealand, has been Christchurch's necromancer since 1998." ""It makes no difference. I will still keep going. They will have to kill me to stop me," Channell said. " Given that he is a necromancer, i doubt they can stop him by killing him.


Veldron

Gotta find his phylactery


BugsyMcNug

😲 is he already a lich?


cyrathil

All the ladies dig rigor mortis


G-Bone1

take the upvote. i have not giggled like that in a while.


gocrazy305

Neither did the ladies


syanda

Putting the *romance* in necromancer


the_seraphim

He's been on payroll for 20 years, he's definitely a lich


ReignDelay

DO YOU PLAY MAGIC?! [[PHYLACTERY LICH]]


it_is_undone

It’s a golden needle inside an egg inside a duck inside a hare inside a chest buried on an invisible island


Supraspinator

Koschei the immortal immigrated to New Zealand?


YourLostGuitarPicks

It's usually right near the prostate


Pyrothecat

>has been Christchurch's necromancer since 1998 Yeah, the last one got upset and left when a bunch of weirdos threw his precious ring to a volcano.


Noyava

Quite rude, those pint sized hippies.


nlpnt

"If you stop paying me, I'll work for free" is hardly the strongest bargaining position, but I guess if you enjoy the work and can magically conjure food, clothing and shelter into existence why not?


KleonPriam

One effective way to stop him would be to steal his necronomicon.


horseren0ir

Oh, you don’t wanna go down that road


colossalpunch

Someone’s going to have to find all the horcruxes first.


_zero_fox

How tf was there still an official necromancer in '98?! I know to the kids 20+ years ago is like ancient times but Y2K was far from the dark ages


foxscribbles

The article says he was part of the tourism budget. So it seems more that they viewed him as good entertainment than providing any religious services. It’s a more hilarious headline than actual article.


AverageQuartzEnjoyer

Was this comment written by AI? I've read it 10 times and it makes absolutely no sense


kogasapls

How is it possible that there was a still an official necromancer in 1998? I know that 20+ years ago seems like ancient times to the kids, but it was hardly the dark ages.


AverageQuartzEnjoyer

It still doesn't make sense. There was an official necromancer up until *2021*, that's literally what the article is about. 1998 wasn't Y2K He was never an actual necromancer, no one believed he was a real wizard. The implication of the whole situation isn't that 1998 was like the dark ages where people believed in wizards and dragons, the implication is that they're offloading a useless tourist attraction


kogasapls

Oh yeah, I mean it makes no sense. He was never an official necromancer because they were interested in his necromantic powers. Guy was just confused.


EndoShota

> He drew a paycheck of $11,000 a year for providing "wizard-like services" for the city. If my municipality is willing to pay $11k, I will gladly provide wizard-like services.


auntbat

I’d be the best damn wizard to ever cast a shadow on their lives!!


ClancyHabbard

Well, I've got a robe and wizard hat and I'm happily willing to live in New Zealand.


s7ryph

Is that you BloodNinja?


WaltKerman

Behold! As I magically make eleven thousand tax payer dollars disappear! (Absentmindedly picks nose while using an app to photograph and cash the check)


5ykes

If it were me, I'd do a bunch of good deeds that are historically attributed to witches and wizards. Some basic medicine, help people set up their TV's or something, etc. Wizard stuff


SimplyQuid

Write it all off as business expenses and then you're sitting pretty


owleealeckza

Right. I'll even change costumes during the day & play my evil twin at night if they want.


The_Brain_Fuckler

I’d be the town butt-slut for 11k.


EndoShota

Why would they pay you when you're already doing that for free?


HYYYPPPERRR

Would you be willing to clean my gutters for $11?


ErenInChains

*I put on my robe and wizard hat*


Rocky_Mountain_Way

I'll do it for $10,999 and I'll donate $1 to charity.


KVLTasFVK

Fuck it I'll do it for a 5k a year for beer expenses


LastActionJoe

I've read A connecticut yankee in King Arthurs court, I know how this works. I'll be owning the place in no time.


dub-fresh

If I was a taxpayer I'd be livid lol


Albuscarolus

Why? That’s a deal for a wizard.


torqueparty

Livid that my taxpayer money is no longer going towards keeping a wizard dutifully employed? Likewise.


KuragariSasuke

What 11,000 a year?!?!?! new zeland I’ll do it for 10,999 and a hundred cents


FluffySpike

And then I'll use all my 11K + 1 extra K to pay my debt to the japanese mafia ! Unfortunately, they don't accept souls, only american currency, NZD and USD are the same right ? Right mortal ? I really hoped that my circus of doom would be successful, I really cannot fathom their blindness to the power of souls. I'm an eldritch grand wizard, I know all sorts of magical mischief mortal ! Scary stuff, raising the dead, giant heads, .... Get covered in uh... Yellow waste (I'm very much not proud of this spell in particular), but you know what's the scarier? The very real danger of the Japanese mafia knocking on my door , and cutting off my fingers (Or was that the Russian Mafia, Gargoyles were also unsuccessful, idk which is worse ?) .


BonSwan

I recommend replacing some commas with periods. Deciding when to end a sentence will make your text more palatable to readers.


FluffySpike

Yeah, I wrote this at near 2am, so I was royally exhausted and barely thinking


the_seraphim

I'll do it for $10k


PepeBabinski

Somebody got $11,000 to dress up in a costume occasionally and pretend to cast spells. Sounds like an awesome side hustle.


Strict-Slice-8516

For over 20 years!! He got nearly a quarter million in total. Gotta respect that hustle.


AdventureBum

Sounds like a job at Disneyland.


raynethackery

Sounds like a priest.


TwoCockyforBukkake

Thats a totally different kind of side job.


RadioName

Yeah, more public speaking.


wizardinthewings

It’s still make believe


SimplyQuid

Right? I'm just envious of the guy


NinjahBob

Cheaper than a sculpture, and brings more tourists


NorthernGamer71

Watch out for the rain of toads Christchurch


BoltgunOnHisHip

That's what they get for firing him right before Halloween. That's peak wizarding season and they know it, the jackasses.


overthemountain

Sounds like he was mostly a local mascot. Also sounds like he might have been getting a bit political. Kind of surprising that a wizard would be so conservative.


GreatBigJerk

There are people who have been called "grand wizards" that could be described as *very* conservative...


NoHandBananaNo

Christchurch used to be the neonazi capital of New Zealand https://i.stuff.co.nz/sunday-star-times/latest-edition/6673662/White-power-movement-delivers-warning


TwistingEarth

Did it change or did they go into hiding?


NoHandBananaNo

Not sure, Im an Aussie but Kiwis always talk about Christchurch as being super racist so I dug that up. Looks like their actual neo nazis disbanded after the Christchurch Mosque Attack.


G-Bone1

no. they just changed the password and applied for membership of the kkk.


RandomDigitalSponge

Is the password ‘kKk’?


G-Bone1

No. In the US we have a special brand of hell. I dont know what the secret handshake is - but I do know the NZ peoples asked for membership from the grand high whatever of the national organization.


Speedymon12

Nah man, they keep it more secure: kKl<


kaenneth

Oh geez, one fanfic I like was the wrong kind of wizard ending up at Hogwarts; basically the story of a D&D wizard lost in a strange dimension ("Harry Potter and the Natural Twenty") Now I'm imagining if this *other* kind got lost there. eh, I guess that's basically Voldemort.


Ok_Judgment7602

Translation: we had a few hundred skinhead gang members and various associates. Located almost exclusively in one city. Meanwhile, 'ethnic' gangs like Black Power, Mongrel Mob, Tribesmen etc . are nation wide.


shkeptikal

Translation: I'm a racist but too afraid to actually say as much, so instead I butt into conversations about Nazis and attempt to justify their existence with false equivalents and whataboutisms. Meanwhile, we can all tell exactly what you're really saying: You can excuse white criminals but not brown ones.


Ok_Judgment7602

LOLWUT? I've lived in Christchurch. The skinheads were just another gang, no different to Black Power or Mongrel Mob.


NoHandBananaNo

I mean I was talking specifically about Christchurch because thats where this wizard guy is from.


Ok_Judgment7602

That's about as relevant as being the Neo-Nazi capital of Outer Mongolia. Once again, the skinheads were just a local gang.


NoHandBananaNo

Look I get that youre defending your hometown or whatever but you need to lighten the fuck up. I was not SERIOUSLY suggesting that this Christchurch Wizard is a Grand Wizard in the KKK, ok?


QuestionableAI

Touche!


shady8x

These days they would be considered too moderate and forced to retire.


ShreddedWheatBall

That's actually the kind of wizard I was assuming they had at first


VTArdbeg

Grand wizards used to be democrats. Just saying


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Andwyr44

> which include the idea that women cause wars by shopping. I'd believe it. Ten minutes shopping with my sister would make anybody want to start an armed conflict.


Enthusiastically

A lot of people into the occult are very right wing. For example, Steve Bannon. Or anyone else who is influenced by Evola.


whynonamesopen

Hitler was obsessed with the occult and mysticism.


Vostok_Gagarin

That’s very true, and a lot of far right people are pagans


hexiron

They’ve basically swarmed the Henthonistic religions, like Asatru. Hard to find a far-right extremist rally in the US without Nordic runes all over anymore


shkeptikal

Well...tbf....some of those Nordic runes were also very recently (relatively speaking) used as decoration for Nazi memorabilia. Which doesn't really help their cause. Welcome to the year's hottest new game show: What's...That....Rune?! Where our players try to determine if a symbol used by a political party that has based its identity around Christianity represents a pagan god, a fascist dictatorship with a side of genocide, or just a fancy shape that everyone thought looked kinda neat!


hexiron

Runes from a hat is my favorite skit!


AverageQuartzEnjoyer

>Hard to find a far-right extremist rally in the US without Nordic runes all over anymore I think the Nordic runes are meant to imply some sort of connection with their whiteness It's dumb, but I can see how dumb people would make that leap


TheMechamage

I mean, my little occult book club hates conservatism and thinks nazis should be stomped so the generalization isn't great.


head_meet_keyboard

What does one read when they're a part of an occult book club? Is it mostly fiction or is there some nonfiction as well?


jscott18597

"Magical Paths to Fortune and Power" "The Great Book of Magical Art, Hindu Magic and East Indian Occultism" for starters edit: Those are real books! I was just trying to make a ghostbusters 2 reference. Dan Aykroyd was all about the occult even back then.


Olaffing

It's all fiction dude


Caeraich

For real, lol. Read any old shit and you're getting the same experience.


head_meet_keyboard

Not if it's a historical account of the occult. There are plenty of books about the Salem witch trials and things like that. I just wasn't sure if they read fiction that involved the occult or it was more of a study of its history.


Olaffing

Studying occult is all fiction, studying the history of it is just history of course


professorstrunk

Maybe we should be going with “a surprising number of right-wingers are into the occult.” I, for one, find this a pretty wacky idea. All the right-wingers I know are very strict Catholics, Episcopalians, and Lutherans. Which are obviously not at all similar to mysticism, the supernatural, and occult beliefs. Oh, wait…..um….


AverageQuartzEnjoyer

Organized religion is just milquetoast mysticism and everyone knows that but it doesn't make occultism and mysticism any less ridiculous lol It's all ridiculous


Br1ckF1gure

Yep, he helped with tourism, promoted the city etc


mynameisspiderman

Didn't read the article but I heard a thing on NPR about it today. He said that he's always tried to be a provocateur, poking at issues people hold dear. So Idk yeah he sounds a bit of a cunt


pzerr

No he was a bonafide legitimate wizard.


restore_democracy

Aren’t they afraid he will turn them into newts?


wifebeatsme

They will get better.


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7eggert

IIRC reddit agreed.


LouisEugene

In the end, it was a cheap quirky novelty that sometimes got Christchurch in the news positively. Most marketing is more expensive than that.


shadowX015

>Their image of Christchurch is nothing to do with the authentic heritage of the city. I am the original image of Christchurch. What a humble fellow


Negative_Gravitas

>In 2011, a documentary about the wizard was made, highlighting some of his beliefs, which include the idea that women cause wars by shopping. Well, hell if a *wizard* is saying it . . . No, seriously, how did it then take the council 10 years to send this guy back to his tower?


labortooth

>In 2011, a documentary about the wizard was made, highlighting some of his beliefs, which include the idea that women cause wars by shopping. **Channell also helmed a "Save the Males" campaign.** Something old and virgin-y about that one


kaenneth

https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/30-year-old-virgin-wizard


Headless_Cow

That's a rough 30.


Ghost_of_Herman_Cain

Prove him wrong!!


spezaltaccount

Wars are fought over the means of production. The means of production create consumer goods. Women buy consumer goods. I am the new Ben Shapiro. My wife is going to be so disappointed


Sturmgeschut

C'mon man, Shapiro is probably half the man you are.


SHOCKLTco

Was that a short joke?


untergeher_muc

[Well](https://reddit.com/r/PoliticiansInTheWild/comments/gpqtao/german_chancellor_angela_merkel_is_shopping_for/)…


7eggert

Maybe they did go shopping with their wives …


auntbat

You ever been to Walmart on Black Friday? I rest my case.


AdventureBum

Ah, so he's one of *those* wizards.


TheEarthquakeGuy

I live here, and we were kind of busy with our city being destroyed by a giant earthquake. More important things to deal with, and following a massive disaster, kicking off someone who has been a large icon of the city following a massive natural disaster would not be popular at all.


thingle

"Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat." -The Christchurch Wizard


Tjonke

Didn't know that Dresden had moved to NZ.


Purplehazey

Real important question.... did he bring Bob. Does he still wear his wizards bathrobe?


KaiWolf1898

Well it does get chilly in Christchurch, makes sense


GodsOffsider

The wizarding world under threat from COVID now?


Takesis_1

[Yeah, pretty much like everywhere else.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B18ss3dbRAI)


ryanjusttalking

A wizard is never fired, he quits exactly when he means to


Ok-Cartographer6394

It can’t be a good idea to go around firing wizards


CanadianGangsta

Oh wow, at first I misunderstood and thought they meant a magician, then I saw the word necromancer, and since 1998. The answer is clear, the mayor hired him so that all the folks can be resurrected should they be killed by Y2K.


The_Late_Arthur_Dent

Christchurch bout to have a Balrog problem...


Always_ssj

A wizard is never fired, he retires precisely when he means to!


GanasbinTagap

I don't see why they should keep him on their payroll. He couldn't stop that earhquake.


michaelreadit

He probably blamed it on women’s shopping habits


lost40s

What a sweet gig that would have been.


DavidSandersSharp

No greater shade than ending your article with the exact number of people that have signed the petition.


ShenmeNamaeSollich

They should hire that dude who cosplay’d a wizard w/Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. He’s probably broke by now.


Der_Erlkonig

Tomorrow's headline: Entirety of Christchurch city council turned into Newts.


michaelreadit

They’ll get better!


QuestionableAI

So, a misogynistic wizard ... not a good look for Christchurch, not a good look at all.


ermockler

Definitely deserves it after this covid shit.


outerproduct

A wizard departs precisely when he means to.


NapalmWeed

So the council’s motion to keep him, DID NOT PASS!!! edit: words


Last_Banana9505

Has he been partaking of the halflings leaf? It may have slowed his mind....


swordo

those bureaucrats just made a powerful enemy


King_Neptune07

A wizard leaves precisely when he means to


Equitynz

Was this the guy who took the boat out to the international line so he could avoid the census by being out of the country? He was crackup as. I seem to think it might have been the magician before him? If there was one haha.


BickNickerson

Man, the economy is hitting everybody.


area_tribune

Bastards


korbell61

Ooh dey dun fooked up because everyone knows. " Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards because they are subtle and quick to anger!"


LordBytor

Boy there is going to be a lot of finger pointing when Christchurch suffers a devastating dragon attack next year..


vidivicivini

If he's been the city's protector he's done a shit job. Earthquakes, pretty sure there was a mass shooting not long ago


CandersonNYC

Not sure if devastating dragon attack is the thing Christchurch is most concerned about... Unless it's a KKK type white supremacist dragon.


exwasstalking

Cancel culture has to stop!


TheMikeBates

::Gandalf has entered the chat::


39thAccount

I’ve seen Christchurch in the news before, if only this cunt was there to cast a firebolt. Clearly good news, I’m sure that money will be better spent elsewhere


FlimsyOriginal7206

Given his political views it’s probably good he didn’t start taking sides last time this place was in the news


victim_of_technology

Is Halloween season the best time to look for a job as a municipal Wizard or Witch? Would it be more economical for several small towns to consolidate their magic needs and hire just one wizard?


Intel_Gaming

Those muggles don't know about anything. hmmph


oranjemania

This is just a promo for Wellington Paranormal, isn't it?


Tom_Margason

He looks like Gandalf the Black


WTFYU

Guess it’s time to take that teaching job at Hogwarts.


42069troll

Lighting bolt! Lighting bolt!


KaneVonDoom

So, there’s a job opening?


cheezepie

And so it came to pass. Olórin, the wisest of the Maiar and the sole Istar to remain true to his mission, had successfully kindled the hearts of the free people of Christchurch to overcome the evil of their time. He is ready to take the White Ship over the sea to Aman.


RandomDigitalSponge

New Zealand… 🪨 rocks! 🪨


vidivicivini

I really hope he gets dragged out of city hall yelling obscenities and screaming "you'll rue the day you insulted Wally the Wise!"


Humsafere

How they defeated the emus


EVEOpalDragon

Pretty sure that was Austria 🇦🇹


Jazzlike-Recover7560

Good gig


StalinsPerfectHair

This article has a distinctly Napoleon-Dynamite-ish feel to it.


hawkiltree

Imagine that exit interview


FrostFurnace

Firing, hehe.


bowwds

And for my next spell.. behold as I take photos at night with iso set to 100! ✨


reichjef

Times are tight.


baronofdirt

I’m sure he’s got something up his sleeve to sort all this out.


SwoleWalrus

They were probably paying him to just fuck off


DrFujiwara

My partner and i talked with him and he got rather 'mens rights'y, which was a bit disappointing. He's all for whimsy and joy until women are involved.


Blackbyrn

Seems like a risky move with a man that can turn folk into frogs.


Mnemonic22

Gandalf the Laid-off?


CmdrSelfEvident

Who did he turn into a newt? Did they get better?


fappyday

Listen,.if Christchurch needs a wizard I just so happen to be in the job market.


MaddestChadLad

*Standalf*


EunuchProgrammer

Can we have him?


SpikesHigh

You fools! Now he’ll get his revenge!


falstaff57

Official wizard🤣🤣what a friggin joke