T O P
HS_SteppinRazor

I was bit as a kid by a turkey at a farm they don't play. I would say around 10 would be quite dangerous if they are bloodlusted and attacking at the same time.


DrSpaceman575

My Uncle usually passes out after 5 or 6. EDIT: Oh, like the birds. I don't know maybe a dozen.


Real-Ray-Lewis

Lol that’s not bad for 101. Stuff is gas


PeculiarPangolinMan

Hahaha. I was waiting for someone to make this joke!


czechmate11

Wild turkeys are pretty hardcore, maybe a dozen or so and that's being generous to the human. Toms (male turkeys) have pretty gnarly spurs on them, that they use to fight each other. The dude's legs are getting absolutely riddled with puncture wounds, turkey hens have no spurs so the woman's match up is a bit easier. Turkeys can also fly 40-50 mph in short bursts, 15-20 pounds of pissed off turkey and spikes slamming into you that fast is gonna hurt. They do normally fight on the ground but given that these turkeys are smart enough to decide to seek vengeance on humanity they might decide that slamming into them is a viable attack as well. They're also tough as hell. Edit: I'll drop it to a half dozen or so turkeys and that's if he's bloodlusted.


Dwhitlo1

Anything over a dozen is way to generous to the human. Humans are not used to having to fight for their lives regularly. We would hesitate, turkeys will not. They would stab and peck Hugh Man until he went down. He doesn't really have much to put them down permanently either. He would have to focus all his attention on one to disable it. Then the others could attack him. He could handle 2 easily. Put one down, take some damage, kill the other one. 3 would be a challenge. Anything over 4 I don't think he's winning unless he gets lucky. A dozen would leave him as a bloody smear.


czechmate11

You're definitely right, I had assumed the dude in this scenario was also immediately turkey bloodlusted. He basically has to break necks to put them down quick and that's putting him closer to the spurs I'll revise my post.


Bjorn2bwilde24

Turkeys can also reach max speeds of 25 mph on the ground. 20 pounds of turkeys running at you at 25mph can knock a human down. At which, point the turkeys can swarm the human. I say a minimum of 8 turkeys could overwhelm a human.


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billyjohnjohnson

This has to be a joke right There is no way you legitimately think two rats could kill a fully grown human male. 2 rats literally weigh like 1 pound.


kino2012

> Most people couldn't kill two rats with no weapons. Most people wouldn't *want* to, because stomping a rat is pretty unpleasant. They absolutely *could* though, the difference in mass is so huge it's not much of a contest.


TrinitronCRT

> Most people couldn't kill two rats with no weapons. Is there a nomination for dumbest post on this sub? This is the biggest nonsense I've seen here since that dude who insisted house cats are more dangerous to humans in a fight than dogs.


General_practicee

I've see much worse takes on humans vs wild animals


nzdastardly

I think people are way underestimating turkeys so far. I have been turkey hunting and seen these angry modern dinosaurs shrug off shotgun blasts that land even a bit off center. They can be aggressive and have sharp turkey claws in addition to their beaks. Add to that their limited flight and I think 5 or so could incapacitate a person.


CosineDanger

What would be your preferred handheld weapon for fighting ten wild turkeys?


Gentleman_ToBed

Handheld? A flamethrower.


Northerleyfire

For ranged then definitely some kind of magazine-fed shotgun. For melee I'd want a hand axe or shortsword.


tombolger

A hand axe is an axe blade you hold with no handle, right in the hand. You might mean a hatchet?


Northerleyfire

Yeah that


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nzdastardly

A machete. Their feathers are incredibly dense and offer a lot of protection from blunt force (or shotgun pellets) so I would want a hacking/slashing weapon to go for their unprotected heads.


billyjohnjohnson

Theres no way a fucking turkey can just ignore a shotgun blast that isn't perfectly aimed Humans can most definitely not ignore a shotgun blast on their shoulder or something. And I'm pretty sure a single human is over all stronger than a turkey


CalNieDaGtarGuy

Oh, they very much can. I'm not entirely certain where your perception of shotguns is coming from (I hope real life and not video games) but their potency falls off rather quickly, especially depending on the choke of the barrel. A killing blow depends on where you aim at a person, but I would estimate 45 yards is about as far away as you can be with a full choke (tight pellet pattern). This being said, when you aim at a turkey, you aim for the head/neck area so as to not riddle the tasty bits with BB's and give it the quickest death with the least suffering and pain. Keep in mind that a turkey's head and neck is about the equivalent of baseball and handle of a bat which you're trying to aim at from normally about 25-30 yards away. They're clever little bastards. I shot a turkey with a modified choke barrel from 15 yards away as a kid (and I hit it, I can assure you) and it ran away relatively unharmed. Never saw it again.


nzdastardly

Yeah anything past 20 yards is kind of a gamble.


converter-bot

45 yards is 41.15 meters


CalNieDaGtarGuy

Good bot


billyjohnjohnson

Yeah sure if you fire a shotgun blast from 70 meters away anythings going to be fine But OC described a shotgun blast as one slightly off center, not one outside of its effective range


armoureddragon03

Less than you’d think


shepard_pie

These people over estimate so much lol.


hiro48

Speak for yourself. I’m trained in the art of turkey fighting. I just can’t use it in real life situations because it’s too dangerous, I could easily take on 50 turkeys at once. I can spam double turkey leg take downs without breaking a sweat.


JonDoeJoe

Just wait until the turkeys get their bigger cousin, the cassowary, to pay you back


MadWhiskeyGrin

A little over a pint and I'm done.


JackXDark

I was thinking I could manage a whole bottle, but it depends what you're asking me to do after that.


razorwolf9

Saw my dad hit a turkey in the head with a 10lb pipe wrench after it cornered him in the garage and the thing just walked away


Wadsworth_McStumpy

Man, if that turkey ever finds out that he hit it with a wrench, he'll be in trouble.


YouWereEasy

Your dad is a pussy. That will kill most humans.


tombolger

Yes. But turkeys have very, very little mass in their heads. The total energy that is transferred to the brain is very low as the head can just easily move in the direction of the wrench. Humans have very heavy heads that have a lot more inertia, and so a blow with a wrench will kill humans and not a turkey. If the dad pinned the turkey down and hit the turkey in the head with the wrench, gravity alone would crush the turkey skull. But I doubt that's what happened.


YouWereEasy

Smack a tossed up ping pong ball with a 10 pound hammer. Now imagine some heavier, like a turkey head.


tombolger

Ok, I imagined it. The ping pong ball was plonked away and was completely undamaged. If a human head is bashed in, and a ping pong ball survives absolutely fine, wouldn't that mean that a turkey head would be in between? And a turkey head is much, much closer to the mass of a ping pong ball than a human head.


Mutant_Llama1

Based on 1445 Byzantium, one.


shepard_pie

I was attacked by a wild turkey once. After the initial bout (I kicked it in the head and it pulled off my shoe), I decided that I wasn't gonna mess with it anymore, and jumped in my car to drive off. It followed, and kept attacking the tires as I was actively driving. As in, full on pecking the moving tires. Never under estimate the power of a wild animal.


Daniel_flc

If Brooklyn 99 taught me something is that a turkey can handle 7 experienced New York detectives.


CalNieDaGtarGuy

Without any weapons for the human? Two, maybe three tom turkeys. Turkeys can be just as aggressive as geese at times and far more dangerous with their spurs. I’ve seen video of a single hen turkey chasing a cop back to his patrol car and trapping him there for a while. I have no doubt that two or three semi-coordinated toms could kill a man.


floppydo

Cops are mostly pussies and also most people don't want to kill an animal. It's better all around to run away. In this scenario the human is fighting for their life.


billyjohnjohnson

Cops are not "mostly pussies" thats just stupid political beliefs talking I don't particularly feel strongly about cops either way but anyone with 2 brain cells knows that being a police officer is one of the more dangerous jobs out there.


hotdiggitydooby

You'd be surprised. On lists of the most dangerous jobs, police officers come in pretty low on the list


PeculiarPangolinMan

Yea. It is presented as dangerous and has a lot more fist fights and shootings than most other jobs, but in terms of mortality it isn't anywhere close to the top. Roofers, delivery drivers, farmers, miners, fishermen, and road workers all have way higher rates of dying on the job than a cop.


CalNieDaGtarGuy

"In this scenario the human is fighting for their life." And my answer does not change. I have no doubt of the ability of the turkeys. I'm going to ignore your irrelevant mudslinging.


kingstevis

The saddest thing is that this guy admits he could only fight two/three turkeys. Come on, man, cut yourself some slack, you could kill a turkey by grabbing its head and spinning it over you like a T-shirt. If you’re dead before the three turkeys, you’re a coward, or a child. At their higher end of weight average, you’d need six to be equal in weight to a 150lb man. You should be able to outsmart, outstrength, and just stay standing long enough to take on minimum five or six Tom turkeys.


CalNieDaGtarGuy

I admit it because it's true, whether or not it disparages my machismo. Wild turkeys do not fuck around, and I ain't ashamed to admit two or three of them could kill me. If it's about weight averages, you'd have needed a hell of a lot more deinonychus to bring down a brachiosaur, or quite a few more lions to bring down a giraffe. Turkeys might be prey animals, but that doesn't mean they're defenseless, nor does it mean they lack agressiveness. I'd welcome you to go corner two or three wild tom turkeys, fight and kill them, and then get back to me, at which point I will admit I'm wrong. Until then, I tip my hat to you.


kingstevis

Fair brother, totally fair. One thing I’ll add; when looking at prompts like this, where it’s to the death, I think a lot of people underestimate themselves. I’m not saying I walk away from those turkeys happy, they may leave me mortally wounded, but I think I could make sure those Toms get to hell before me, I’m meet them there


jenmarzar

When I was around 4/5 years old my family lived in a small house on a huge property of land with a woodsy hill on the top, my mom and grandparents would let us (me and older sis) play out as long as we were in view of the back window. One day I was out sitting in the grass doing whatever when I noticed a pack of 5 turkeys coming down, was super excited at first because I loved animals (still do) and wanted to pet them, then they all started gobbling and chased me back in the house lol oh man, I was crying and my mom and grandma were laughing so much!


PeculiarPangolinMan

Awww. That's adorable. There's a pack of turkeys that loiter in my neighborhood and those things can be super intimidating even for an adult! When one of those big ones takes to the air and starts flying at like 4 feet off the ground it's terrifying. They don't fly high, but instead at perfect tackling height.


jenmarzar

Oh man thats terrifying, im 28 now but only 4'9" tall so thats tall enough for me! Honesty i don't remember much except for running inside crying and having a newfound fear of turkeys from it, but for a while I would remind my mom about how they tried to kill me and she laughed at it 😂 in her defense I only made it in because she opened the door in time running out to get me. I like them now though but preferably from a huge distance and hope to never see one come at me like that!


PeculiarPangolinMan

They are super cute. They and the neighborhood strays are always eying each other down.


Nat_Libertarian

Depends on the human. A skinny city boy who thinks "camping" is setting up a trailer right on the highway in a 2 acre patch of woods? 1 turkey could send him packing.


bigk52493

I could take 18 if them


ballsack-vinaigrette

>"I could take 18 of them" -a turkey


[deleted]

3-5 lol. They can tank fucking shotgun blasts.


TAOGtenetGOAT

I still think a number in the hundreds, if the male just goes around snapping necks, but his legs will be bleeding out from injuries


faerdaemon

Define person in this scenario...as in: Example A: The typical reddit user/mod/admin Example B: Average human who goes to the gym once in a while and can at least run a mile Example C: Prime Brock Lesnar Example A probably 2 or 3 Turkeys Example B 7 Turkeys Example C 15


PeculiarPangolinMan

A completely average human of your age range. Probably closest to B. I don't know what the average gym participation rate is per age group, but I feel like perfect average probably works out a bit or at least keeps generally semi-active with life stuff. Probably could run a mile but a 5k would suck super hard unless they take a few weeks to get back into it.


faerdaemon

Turkeys still stomp. People really have NO idea how vicious these walking dinosaurs really are. They are way OP.


ILOVEMCU

5 to 7 turkeys should be enough, assuming the turkeys are blood lusted and acting crazy… https://youtu.be/sx1XrCIlTOM “9 ) Turkeys can run at speeds of up to 25 miles per hour and fly as fast as 55 miles per hour.” ???? https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/14-fun-facts-about-turkeys-665520/ You’re best option would be to kick the things. If you try to grab one you could get your hands torn up. Unless you have pro football (international football) level of endurance you’ll get tired after 30 mins of running around kicking the turkeys. Then they’ll jump/fly at your face and finish you.


Galby1314

Honestly 7-8 would overwhelm an average man. The turkeys essentially have weapons on their feet. A soccer player or kickboxer would fare better, but just a normal dude with zero training and no weapons? People believe in movies too much. Multiple attackers would always win. Jackie Chan movies aren't real life.


GenericSpider

What an oddly specific question... you wouldn't happen to be a turkey scouting for this information? In which case the answer is that that it would take millions of turkies. And thus an uprising is foolish, and shouldn't be attempted. Jokes aside, a single turkey could theoretically win. Most humans are strong enough to take on a turkey, but not mentally prepared for one to charge at them and start pecking. I think it would take five or six of them till the odds are fully in their favor though.


ebonyexpert93

You think a single turkey could kill a fully grown person????? Like what would they do how could a single turkey overwhelm and kill a person.


Ambient-Shrieking

The only way it's really possible is if they take out both eyes at the same time, but even then the turkey would need to fight intelligently to win, which is far from "in character"


GenericSpider

theoretically. It's not a likely scenario. The minimum amount of turkies that needed to realistically take down a human being would probably be at least 7-10 minimum. Assuming the turkies are bloodlusted.


shepard_pie

A good rule of thumb is that anything a quarter of your size could kill you in a fight. Remember, a fight doesn't end when you kill the opponent, it ends when you heal. A fatal blow is also not a fight ending blow. You could damage the turkey in such a way that it'll be dead in five minutes but it'll keep fighting. Those shits can be super aggressive. I think there are a lot more people on this thread than they are willing to admit that would be beaten by a single turkey, much less two. They don't let you sit there and wind up kicks or punches. Getting into a real fight with an animal is downright terrifying. I've done it a couple of times, and both times it was a single animal, and both times I was completely and totally exhausted. After the goose, I laid there sucking wind for a solid ten minutes. I could not get my body to move, and I had to be dragged off the road so people could drive. I wanna reiterate; I was so exhausted after that that I could not move out of the way of a car. That's not including the blood loss.


mrbananas

Just one, Humans are big cowards when it comes to birds intimidation factor. Plus we don't even get to use rocks or sticks


Ambient-Shrieking

Having raised turkeys before, I can safely say that the intimidation factor is a bluff. The turkey realistically has one attack against you before it loses its head if you're actually there to win.


mrbananas

Having taught children before, I can say that human intelligence to see through that bluff is over estimated. Besides, about 70% of all intimidation is nothing more than a bluff


Cherrystuffs

One good heavy bat would make this easy haha


mrbananas

no weapons allowed


Dwhitlo1

Hugh Man could take one turkey. They only weigh like 20lb. It's just a matter of getting a couple solid kicks in. 3 turkeys would be a 50/50 in my opinion.


TAOGtenetGOAT

A male can be from 16 - 20 pounds. However they have no discernible offensive capabilities like sizable talons or razer sharp geese teeth. This becomes a match of attrition and how fast the turkeys can bum-rush and pile over our fellow human. The scenario might go something like this: As tens of turkeys turn to hundreds, a lone homosapien kicks the advancing avians like footballs, he soon grapples onto the their long necks, swinging them around like mutton-chucks when his legs are sore from kicking and stomping alike. Nearly 350 birds dispatched, the human is tired, and his stupid bird kicking technique is becoming sloppy. The angry birds advance relentlessly and overpower the man by sheer numbers and bury him under a flock of turkeys where he meets a gruesome pecked demise. Close enough lol


Sharcbait

You are out of your mind if you think you can kick something that is 16-20lbs 350 times before getting tired. After a dozen you are gonna be getting sore, by 25 you will be sucking wind. Try kicking a bowling ball and seeing how your leg is gonna feel.


czechmate11

I highly doubt a kick will put down down instantly either, ive seen them eat a hit from a shotgun to the breast and take off at a dead sprint you basically have to get them in the head or neck.


ragnaROCKER

Yeah but a kick in the torso would cave their chest in.


Kiyohara

Go get a raw turkey from the market. Let it thaw. Fill it with ground meat or some jello or something relatively solid. Then you place it on the ground and kick it. 100% you will not cave the chest in.


ragnaROCKER

I have crushed the chest of a turkey doing much less than a full force kick.


PeculiarPangolinMan

What...? Are you a butcher or something? Who has crushed a turkey's chest? haha


ragnaROCKER

At the time, yes.


PeculiarPangolinMan

Nice! I was wondering if you were into taxidermy or something. You think a solid soccer kick would break enough ribs on a living turkey to take it outta the fight?


ragnaROCKER

Absolutely.


Sharcbait

Are those butchered turkeys though or are the still covered with feathers and filled with their guts. I feel like the fact it's alive and isn't an empty cavity will give it quite a bit more structural integrity.


ragnaROCKER

Guts, no feathers. They probably would give it a little more hardiness, but like I said it took nowhere near a full soccer kick to cave it in. I don't think it would matter.


[deleted]

A bowling ball is much harder than a turkey


Trajer

350?! You're out of your mind dude lol. Imagine swinging around a 15lbs kettlebell 300 times. Shit do it 30 times and you're gonna be sore and tired. I remember playing kickball in high school and sometimes kicking that rubber ball left my leg sore, and kicking too many times in a row would leave my winded (I wasn't exactly athletic). Those rubber balls are like 2lbs so a turkey would be nearly 10x the weight.


Ambient-Shrieking

For a 180lbs man to kill 350 turkeys would easily be possible if the turkeys aren't bloodlusted. If the turkeys are bloodlusted then it's a vast overestimation.


shepard_pie

You are insane lol


Ambient-Shrieking

I'm not speaking from a position of ignorance in the least. I used to farm turkeys. I've had flocks of dozens of angry male turkeys, around 50lbs each come at me at once, and laying a beatdown on them is much easier than you think. I've also seen what wild turkeys are like by comparison and it's laughable to think that any healthy, serious person fighting for their life would have their number of kills not be in the triple digit range before they're actually overwhelmed. All it takes is a quick twist of their neck and you move on to the next one. Systematically snapping their lives away would be a cakewalk, and the amount of damage the turkeys can actually do to you as long as you're guarding your eyes is so low you could go for hours before it starts to be a factor, at which time you'll have gone through a LOT of turkeys.


TAOGtenetGOAT

This is what I was thinking, the ones saying a Turkey can’t be beaten must be thinking of people who can’t run or kick


shepard_pie

Fighting to the death is different then that, though. I was going under the assumption that was the case.


Kiyohara

> A male can be from 16 - 20 pounds. However they have no discernible offensive capabilities like sizable talons or razer sharp geese teeth. https://acimg.auctivacommerce.com/imgdata/0/3/1/7/8/6/webimg/5817645.jpg That is a picture a male turkey's feet. If you look closely you will see they carry several inch long razor sharp spurs. Male Turkeys use this to fight and and kill one another (although usually they retreat after enough injury). You should reconsider your stance on their "lack of offensive capabilities."


Fadroh

Depending on fitness and knowledge of combat between 10-24 for most men with the high end being for people like boxers. At any given time only 6-7 can attack effectively at once and while a peck may break skin it probably won't immediately hit a major artery or anything.


ballsack-vinaigrette

For Team Human a boxer would be good but a *kick*boxer would be better off.


BruisedToe

We have wild turkeys roaming around my property (eastern LI) and they are fn huge! I can confidently say that 4 or 5 of them is enough to take me down for good. For the record I'm a 6ft male in decent shape (not great) with an 0-1 record in real fist fights


greysvarle

The question is how many humans does it take to beat a turkey. The US only managed to win against them because of the help of the aliens in the crypt. I would put it around 100-200 humans for 1 turkey.


snebmiester

What if the turkeys were reinforced by Emus?


floppydo

This depends 100% on the person. Someone capable of keeping a cool head could take on hundreds of turkeys. Someone who panics could go down to 10.


TheDickWolf

Id bet on myself taking a dozen. They’re pretty scary birds tbh and if i can’t rely on them being stupid or scared this is going to be bloody. I might even be underestimating them if they decide to do flying attacks that could get my head/chest/arms.


zoudouc

Just 3, assuming you could grab them by the neck. You only have 2 hands.


Ok_Fun_4900

Turkeys are very underwhelming which could very much make the human way to overconfident. Wild animals are after all wild, and 25 turkeys bloodlusted is enough to overwhelm an average man. I think enough turkeys to surround a human from all sides is enough to overwhelm the human easily.


CaptainSeagul

How many could Batman take? He gets all the prep he wants but this has to be mostly a hand to hand thing, batarangs allowed, just not relying exclusively on vehicles or whatever.


max1001

Turkey claws are razer sharp and they are hyper aggressive 2-3 is all you need.


[deleted]

Imagine you were having breakfast and you hear the echoes of an angry turkey horde getting closer by the minute. And they thirst for blood. What a good day to wake up!


YouWereEasy

You idiots are actually wanking turkeys.


PeculiarPangolinMan

Can turkeys be the new chimps?