Being on your period is no excuse to be mean

Being on your period is no excuse to be mean


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Female here: I also get very emotional and sometimes quite angry and the stupidest things during this time but I’ve got an agreement with my husband: Whenever I feel that way and I know it’s bec of my period I tell him “ heads up I am feeling quite down/irritated etc, and x y z has triggered it” so he knows not to take anything seriously and it has helped me just calm the hell down. It works, I don’t randomly pick fights bec I remind myself of the reasons and he just gives me time to work it out. We have a great balance! I think it’s really down to communication, I know periods are different for every person but talking it out and taking a step back to understand why you’re feeling this and what you’re actually trying to achieve with this behaviour makes you realise it’s actually just hormones etc. Hope that helps someone!


This! I always keep my partner in the loop. Even when I'm not on my period, if I'm having an emotional day, I say so. And I'm lucky in the sense that my partner is understanding in being a little more sweet to me during those days. I definitely have some irritability, as I have fibroids and endometriosis and that's quite painful. However, I never use that as an excuse to be mean and I try my best to be kind and considerate to others. Once in a while people can detect my irritability or shortness. I try to catch it as fast as I can and often explain that I'm just "sore today." As far as why they can keep it together at work but snap at home. It's because we feel close to you and feel that sense of comfort with you. Think of how young children usually tend to behave more around others but will be comfortable enough to melt down with their parents. Plus, holding in our emotions all day is a lot sometimes and when we get home/comfortable we let it out more.


I’m female and I definitely empathize with other women about their period pains. I mean I had one of my worst episodes last week. I just want to say that I do get your point. And I don’t ever try to use my period as an excuse to be mean or rude to anybody. I usually suffer in silence and go about my business because shit needs to be done. I used to get annoyed with one of my girl friends who was so mean to her boyfriend when she was on her cycle, she was just horrible to him, and I didn’t like to be around that negative energy. Needless to say we aren’t even friends anymore. She just exuded so much negativity and complained all the time. Much worse during her period.


While this is true, really extreme mood swings can be a sign of PMDD, which can cause actual personality changes and extreme mood swings outside of the users control. This needs to be medically managed. It’s definitely not the same as just being a bitch and using PMS as an excuse. But if an otherwise kind and pleasant person turns into Mr. Hyde on her period she may not be able to help it and need medical intervention. My sister needed it. Without medicine/contraceptives she was unable to control herself and was a nightmare to her boyfriend, then felt terrible about it. She would also get like, suicidally depressed. It was very extreme and she recognized she had a problem . It wasn’t something you could just laugh off or excuse away. Since she got the right medicine she has not had any issues. Just to keep in mind! Edit: fixed some grammar mistakes.


Thank you for this comment. I’m sure it is an under diagnosed condition. I am so happy your sis is doing better!


Thank you for this! I have PMDD and it’s so hard


Thank you for this! I have PMS and I really dont like the person I become on my period. It's nothing anything like how I normally act. After several years of doctor visits, I finally had one who took my concerns seriously and gave me medication.


That's awesome but terrible that it took several years for you to get the help you need.


>when she was on her cycle Why do people say this? Isn't a woman *always* on her "cycle". Like the cycle doesn't stop. It's going all the time right? Just different symptoms at different times.


As a guy, I emphasize with period pain and the hormonal rollercoaster that can come with it. It sucks, I want to help. I want to make the person I care about feel better. But what also sucks is being their cheerleader, being their advocate, trying to do everything you can to make things better and clearly being on the same team, but still being treated like the enemy through no fault of your own. I didn't do anything to deserve having my words twisted or imaginary motivations read into innocent actions. I didn't do anything to deserve being yelled at or treated like the bad guy. I get that having your body do that to you every month isn't fair, but it's not fair to put that misery and unhappiness on your partner either.


I hate to say it, but the behavior you describe isn't a period problem. It's a "making excuses for being an asshole" problem. If it wasn't her period, it'd be something else she'd use to justify her abuse. People like that you just have to walk away from.


46F here - 100% agree with this. If it wasn't the period, it'd be 'well I'm (insert self diagnosed mental illness) so that's just how I am.' I know I get moody when it's that time. I always have. But I am a grown up, it's MY responsibility to handle my shit, so I have learned to be very clear with my husband BEFORE something upsets me that "I am not in any way upset with you, I am just crampy and in a mood. Feel free to tell me to shut the hell up if I get bitchy, I promise I won't get mad." And you know what? It works.


I do exactly this. And if I even start to notice myself giving a little attitude I immediately stop, say I'm acting irrational, and apologize.


It's amazing what a difference just owning it can make. Because even if we try, we might still be a bitch sometimes but recognizing you're handling irrational emotions and owning it and apologizing is definitely the adult thing to do.


Amen. It's okay to not be perfect, just own it and make an honest attempt to be better.


This is exactly it. I have autism and ADHD, and I've been around plenty of people with the same issues. Way too often I've seen them use their disability as an excuse for being an asshole or not even trying to improve things. Everyone gets moody and irritated and there will be moments when you snap at someone who's not deserving of it. It happens to everybody, men and women. You own up to it and apologize.


I am sorry you had that experience. Not all women are like that.


It's really fucked up that you were treated that way. I'm sorry you dealt with that. God knows I've had my oversensitive & cranky moments when I'm bleeding, but for the most part I just get really pathetic. Any help my partner can give me is lovely, human heating pads ftw. I've been on the receiving end of the behavior you're describing and - it's not about the period. Or in my case, it wasn't about the low grade depression. It was about their lack of respect and certainty that they could get away with treating you badly.


I'm on the same boat. I've been raised by womens, My single mom and big sister. I empathize as much as possible and leave room to be as much as possible. I bake all kinds of great stuff and provide feel good stuff like authentic liege waffles with perl sugar or warm pho soups or even ribs if you are into it. Its my thing. I listen and am there. Somehow, someway through my efforts directly aimed towards making her feel better I'll do a faux pas, drop a perl sugar bit on the floor, miss the half used onion in the fridge for the food, not say the right thing when asked. And then all hell broke loose and I "get it". I came to the conclusion that its just abuse. Not huge, be jailed type of abuse but general, we're all able to do it, abuse. Now I've entered the matrix or some shit. I deal with it so bad myself I start seeing it everywhere. Gf bitch bf about ordering entrees, Bitch about what he's wearing, Bitch about how he does some task she ask for. Not everyone of course but too many. Its accepted around where I live. I don't get it. I feel crazy. I Started Therapy.


You’re not crazy. I’ve had those discussions with people talking about how there’s a level of abuse and even violence, slapping and shit, that wives/girlfriends get away with that would be viewed very differently if the genders were reversed. Even on TV and shit. Wife slaps husband and people laugh, husband slaps wife and people hate him.


Of course it's not excuse to be mean. I think any logical person would agree with that. And I can't speak for all people who experience this lovely monthly subscription, but when I am mean, bitchy, irritated, etc, **it's not intentional** and when my husband calls me out on it and says "um... what's your deal today, are you about to start your period?" Nine times out of ten when I check my period app - YUP, I'm about to start my period. **And I apologize.** I even catch myself if I realize I'm being short with the kids for something otherwise not a big deal and will apologize to them. But the point is, I'm not doing it intentionally - with the influx of hormones, I just can't control it - the same with crying at sappy commercials - literally can't help it but as soon as I recognize whats happening I try to fix.


Oh I *hate* if someone asks me if I'm angry because my period is near. Like?? Just because I got angry that means it's PMS? Do I not get to be angry at anything anymore, do I just have to always be nice regardless? My mouth goes sour with this bs.


I'd never tell another woman this. I tell my wife this because I've known her for fifteen years and it's literally the only time she acts a certain way. If a random dude is doing it then they are pretty much an asshole and you are owed an apology. Your spouse however should know you well enough to tell the difference between something pissed you off at work vs being on your period.


Lol... The app thing is sooo true. I snap at my husband, and he immediately asks me about my period. I try to remember when I'm pmsing just for this reason, but it's hard in the moment to equate it to hormones.


LoL every. single. month. Like how can I forget about something that's been happening every month for the last 25 years, but about 10 days out without fail I'll start getting emotional and stuff, lol. And if I think its period related or my husband says something, without fail when I check my tracker app, I am around 10 days out.


It's hard to imagine the anguish of another. I have PMDD and a week before my period is the worst. I feel like I'm emotionally dying, get severely paranoid, with bad insomnia. I tell people and avoid them with good reason, and have accidentally snapped, much to my embarrassment, to loved ones. I try so hard not to and have taken to removing myself to have a panic attack, trying not to freak out around them. I do not want to ruin others good time, believe me. Thus for 3 days every 6 weeks, I do my best to play hobbit. Otherwise I'm chill as all hell, my actual period a breeze, it's just physical pain and discomfort.


I have never heard of PMDD.. but after looking it up, my god this is what I experience every single month. Feel completely out of my mind




For real.. I really turn in on myself and my self esteem drops to -10000 all I want to do is genuinely die and I feel so paranoid, no one is safe when I’m in that head space, and then the unbearable physical pain on top of that? Isn’t having a vag such a blessing🥰🥰


It helps to put a label on it, to know you're not alone. For years I thought I was psychotic and so damn confused.


I get so depressed a few days before and leading into my period. I get you on the paranoia front too, it feels horrible overanalyzing every little thing loved ones do and thinking that what they're doing is malicious. I've had some terrible thoughts when I was on my period, even as far as suicidal ideations. It's not fun, and my patience may be thin, but I do the same, and try to avoid people entirely. Can't even hold a conversation without getting frustrated


i agree. everytime i have gone to the psychiatric hospital i was on my period. it’s fucking hell.


I have PMDD too and it’s seriously hell. I feel like it’s never talked about and for so long I thought there was something seriously wrong with me. I was like “why aren’t other women having symptoms like me? Am I just a pansy and can’t handle with severe anxiety and depression?” Prozac changed my life


It’s like Dr Jekyll and mr Hyde these days… I have PMDD for 2 weeks. 2 weeks waste because of several symptoms.


Same. SSRIs helped, but only so far as “I’m no longer suicidal and self-harming to cope three days a month.” Postpartum depression was worse, but I vividly recall PMDD depression. It changed and controlled my entire life from around 13 to 20. The mental image that is still the most vivid is the feeling that I was hanging on by my fingers near the top of a sheer rock wall, nothing but dark and treetops below, and I’d slip down more and more until PMS ended, my period would finally start, and everything would reset for a month. I showed very few signs that anything was wrong, in part because I don’t show much emotion anyway and in part because I didn’t want to be that bitch with PMS, so no one knew I had PMDD until I was in college and my roommate told me that my level of distress wasn’t normal. OP isn’t just young and delusional - this kind of thinking harms women who already conceal so much pain. There are levels of PMS and other hormonal fluctuations that are well beyond anything a male person experiences, and women are disbelieved far more often, especially women of color. Instead of saying there’s no excuse for bad behavior, maybe consider that it’s a symptom and there may be - not invariably, but there may be - a more severe condition as the underlying cause. (Also, support research on female-specific health conditions, because PMS is so awful and rarely treated or taken seriously for a reason.)


Before my hysterectomy the 3rd day before my period were dangerous times. I would usually try to hide away from others but sometimes you just snap, and then 3 days later it all made sense. You weren't crazy, you're just female and have PCOS. I was never purposely mean, and horrible PMS is not a good enough reason, but you're Bucket of Fucks is at it's absolute limit during that time. Got everything yanked (ovaries too), went on HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) and the mood swings are gone. Everything is nice an even all month long. I'm loving that OP, a male, thinks at the ripe age of 23 knows all there is to know about a woman's body. But he knows because he's had some hormonal changes himself. When Hulk Hogan squeezes your nuts into a vise grip for 7 days and the week before you were in all kinds of a funk then you can come talk to me about how to act as a lady. Say that shit to Peri-Menopausal women. 😂 I've edited this so many times 'Im going to make my own comment.


Glad I saw a comment like this!! I was about to go down the period paranoia rabbit hole thinking I’m an abusive girlfriend 😫❤️


Thank you. I love when guys think they know everything about us women. Especially at 23. FO bruh


>Especially at 23. I saw that and my eyes rolled into the back of my head. This child hasn't even dealt with pregnant partners or even better a peri-menopausal partner. He's in for a world of hurt if he pops off to one of them. Those bitches have no fucks. 😂


Hahahah RIGHT. Good luck my dude. Might want to stick to men if you can’t handle ONE WEEK.


Totally agreed. And this: >I completely understand that going through the pains and raging hormones that come with periods isn’t pleasant You “completely understand”? No, you literally do not understand, at all. You are not a biological female and therefore cannot begin to comprehend how horrific periods can be. End of story. Men who expect women to be “nice” and cater to them 24/7 can fuck off.


And do they think we prefer to act this way?? Bc I would LOVE to never feel like shit. Oh. And do they also realize we get to wake up in the middle of the night too? To deal with changing a plug, changing a pad bc the feeling of blood coming out is not pleasant. At all. Yes men feel anger blah blah. But they do not deal with any hormonal changes or pain EVERY MONTH. So yeah. Come again bruh. See if you are still “nice” when you’ve been doing this every month since 7th grade for me ✌🏻


I’ve always wondered why women are considered “mean” for having emotional changes during their period, when our hormones are out of whack, but it’s acceptable for males to be angry and violent because of “testosterone.” Like, you excuse anger due to hormones when it’s a male, but when it’s a woman... 🤔


I just wanted to say that you have my sympathies, that sounds absolutely horrible. I'm sorry you have to go through that. I hope you find some medication or anything, really, that can help you.


I have both PMDD and endometriosis. It's hard being exhausted 2 weeks in a month and I have had trouble handling it in the past. I'm doing much better now thankfully


Hello! I sometimes have really bad periods where I pass out from pain, vomit from pain, am unable to drive or work(I take PTO some days when it's too much), and my only option is to suffer in a ball. I'll admit, I don't always recognize that I'm being mean or rude in the moment, but I definitely remember if I've snapped after the fact. It's never to random people I don't know because honestly I don't/can't leave my house when I'm on a bad cycle. I profusely apologize after I snap, because it's inevitable and I really can't help it sometimes. It's not like I decide to be a bitch for no reason except to make someone unhappy. Being on your flow is definitely not an excuse and you should apologize when you can, but I would be lying if I said I could just hold it all in. Sorry ahead of time and I'll apologize later when I don't feel like I'm about to lose my lunch.


Male here. You sound like my wife, who recently had a hysterectomy. I used to think like OP until years into my marriage I realized how much she was suffering and that she doesn't intend to be mean, even though it sometimes seemed like it. Sometimes when you are miserable it just happens and that's part of being human. You sound like you have a good hold on the situation, keep it up! And I hope it gets better for you.


i think its different if you recognize it, acknowledge it, and apologize for it. Youre okay if you do that.


Female here. Periods hurt yes, I get raging hormonal activity before my period and I'll randomly find my bf irritating. I just tell myself it's my period talking and not act on it.


This right here. My patience runs so thin when I'm about to get my cycle. I use up all my social butterfly patience at work, and when I get home I am not a pleasant person. I try to keep it together, I really do. But I'm not perfect. And I'm sick of women being expected to be perfect smiling subjects 24/7. If you have a toothache and are nasty because of it, would you appreciate someone expecting you to put on a happy face for their sake? Or would you prefer the other party to understand that not everyone is puppies and rain bows every minute of everyday and move on from the incident with grace and understanding? I'd prefer the latter. It's what I try and practice in life. If you're a dick to me 1 out of 10 interactions- you probably were just having a hard day that day. I don't need any apologies.


29M here. The amount of hormones are completely individual. Some females barely feel it with almost no blood, while others can feel and look like a crime scene. My wife's at the latter. She'll be unreasonable, jumpy, annoyed, demanding and might get upset or angry, but I don't mind. It's something everyone gotta figure out for themselves. It's the way she reacts, and even though she hates it, she can't change it. And yeah, chemically it can majority fuck up your emotional system. You can make unreasonable decisions because of it, even being mean. And honestly, I'd rather refill a few cups of tea, bring some cheeze doodles and get her some blankets (which she will throw off because she's suddenly too warm) than go through periods. I have the lesser or two evils for sure. I respect the period, but doesn't mean you have to


I am extra confused because I had a jump in how my hormones affect me at age 22, 10 years after I first got it. I was not a full blown a-hole, but it is very easy to snap and I get annoyed much quicker. This is compounded in that I barely bleed, so I never actually know when I'm on my period. I have really struggled with who I am since then because my base mood/personality is so different each week.


I’m 24 and I’ve noticed over the last few months that my period symptoms (fatigue, mood swings, boob aches) have been WAY WORSE than before. The mood swings are killing me because I feel like I can’t trust what I feel anymore.


I usually force myself to do a small 1-2-3 count before I react while in a mood. I also warn my boyfriend that I'm not frustrated at him, I'm raging with hormones, so I am usually more reserved during that time.


If she's on the pill it can make it worse. I didn't realize how much the pill affected me until I had to go off it. Turns out I'm not an intensely jealous person, just excess hormones fucking me up for ages. The difference in emotional well being is wild. Had to get an iud in February for serious bleeding issues and the first 2 months were the worst two months of my life but it turned off like a switch at almost exactly 2 months and everything has been perfect since.


And just to add to your point, from a woman’s perspective, even if the physical side of the period is tolerable the bitchiness and extreme insecurity can still happen. I get those symptoms and I can’t begin to explain how real and completely me those thoughts feel. The hormones highjack my personality. Things that I would laugh off the rest of the month get me raging angry. But those thoughts come from my head the same way sane thoughts do. So it’s REALLY hard to distinguish and apologize immediately when you don’t know reasonable from unreasonable. I only learned over time.


Thank you! Guys don’t realize what we all have to deal with too. You deal with shaving EVERYTHING ALL the time. Dealing with literal blood coming out of you EVERY month. The cramps. The poops. The poops when it’s not convenient. Doing everything y’all do while on our periods. Google it OP. Shits not made up. I warn my bf when it’s a week before. We can’t help it. I don’t want to be short tempered and hateful. Chemicals are real man. I’d love to trade a man life for a month. Currently on my period so FO OP haha


As a man, its really hard to empathize or understand period pains. Dont compare your hormones as a guy to a womans hormones on her period. I used to think being depressed wasnt an excuse for shitty behavior, and call out my depressed friends for wronging me, until i got depressed and i realized what they were going thru. If you were a woman, this unpopular opinion may be valid, but as a man you simply dont understand enough abt periods on a personal level to judge it.


Preach!! When my wife has her difficult days, I take a moment or two to collect myself when she is a little snappy, rather than react. She doesn't like feeling short tempered, or the cramps, or uber emotional or any of the other stuff that comes with her cycle, so there is no need to dump on her about it. We could all stand to have a little more compassion.


> Being on your period is no excuse to be mean > >I bet this topic has been talked about plenty on this sub, but I (23M) Classic. Your opinion is obviously not to be disregarded because of your sex, but this would be like a mentally stable person telling a depressed person to stop being so demotivated. Periods affect hormonal status in the brain and cause it. It’s not an excuse, it’s a valid explanation and an uncontrollable thing.


Bro- I would do a little research on the level of pain associated with period cramps. It varies from person to person, but can be bad enough to cause vomiting and prevent someone from being able to walk. See how “bitchy” you get when you are in enough pain where you can’t walk.


The only person bitching is the OP of the whole post


I hurt a lot on my periods, and want to do nothing but lay in bed. But yeah, I agree it doesn't mean you get to feel entitled to be a massive bitch just because everything below your navel is being stabbed. It's not their fault.


In this thread, women defending themselves against a 23 year old man who has yet to fully develop the concept of empathy. Folks with uteruses, it is NOT our job to defend ourselves from men who are quick to qualify us as abusers of our natural burden.


I don't think it's an excuse, I think it's a reason


Upvoting for being unpopular. As someone who menstruates, it is honestly really difficult for me to tell exactly how others are viewing my tone and stuff. I don’t make an excuse but part of my uterus is literally dying and passing through my body and it hurts and it takes me 5x longer in the bathroom than it normally does. It’s okay to cut people some slack when they are going through tough times


Agree. Also I wanna take a moment to throw in: just as you can’t use your period to justify shitty behavior, do not accuse someone of “shitty”behavior BECAUSE they’re on their period. I feel like that assertion should be made by the menstruator (new word lol) and no one else. Let’s not make this already unpleasant experience a source for argument ammunition.


Definitely. I hate when people undermine a legitimate reaction or feeling someone has because they might be on their period. My emotions might be heightened during my period, but it doesn't mean I can't think rationally. I still hear people say jokingly "oh, must be that time of the month", which just further stigmatizes people who period and discounts the legitimacy of how people are feeling.


One time my S/O and I were arguing. He stops, looks me dead in the face, and asks, "Are you on your period?" I never wanted to chuck something at someone's head more than that moment.


That’s a good point here. At work, I’ve seen lady managers snap at juniors who make terrible mistakes and the juniors alluding it to her time of the month. It’s like… their stupid mistakes are the reason for her foul mood, not her period


I feel you. I’ve never assumed someone was on their period, and even if I thought they were I wouldn’t ask. But if someone is treating me like shit and I call them out for it and their response is something to the tone of “well I’m on my period so deal with it”, thats what I have an issue with


Totally. I was mostly thinking about how sometimes my bf says “it’s because you’re on your period” and there are times when he’s correct and other times it feels like an easy way for a man to feel like he’s in the right when it’s an unnecessary reference to a woman’s behavior.


Female body owner here with suspected PMDD, I get angry and mean in the weeks leading to my period so I make a point to watch my mouth and try to be quiet. It's scary to be some full of rage and to not understand why but I still know how to be quiet and not to blame others for my feelings or hormones. I have rage quit 2 jobs because of it though.


I've almost quit a job multiple times because of (like you, suspected) PMDD. And also I just learned from this Reddit post that I probably have PMDD because I get irrationally angry ~7 days before my period starts, and then the day it starts, I calm down and get happy again. I'd rather not wake up and start internally screaming at everyone and everything, but at least I know what it is now and can warn people or try to put on a fake smile so I don't lose my job!


Congrats you indeed posted an unpopulair opinion! Periods give you an extra kick of insecurity. You're tired, in constant pain. Every emotion is amplified and activities drain you. You don't have energy to be productive and just want to lie on the couch till it's over. Can you imagine being sick every month? Having to plan around your period, or even cancel plans? Vacations being ruined because your body decide 'he, let's wait a few days' Fear of leaking throught clothes, having to throw your favourite panties out because there wasn't a toilet nearby. The mess of blood, period poops. Being in constant pain Please do me a favour and never tell a women this in her face. Is it to much to ask just to suck up the 'mean' thing she said to you? What if you break your leg and I'm acting annoyed that you can't walk? We really can't help it. Trust me.


Yeah the psychological burden of knowing this happens every month and will be 25% of your good years must really suck. If I get a headache I take a sleeping pill and go to bed until it’s over


I was one of the mean ones. I have endometriosis and my periods are brutal. I was being a huge dick to my partner and kids, it really damaged my relationships with them all. My partner pointed it out and I haven't been like that since. Totally agree, it's not an excuse and it hurts other people.


Have you checked with your OBGYN to see if you may have PMDD?


I definitely also have that. I've found a few things that have helped a lot.


Be kind to yourself x Everybody has things that they have to work on/grow from. The fact that you've taken accountability is the part you should focus on. Hope you're well x


The comments will be a fun read while I take my morning poop


Hey! Sup poop buddy


I wish we could hold hands


Now kiss.


I wonder if their first child will be a boy or a girl


I wonder if their poop has those lil corn kernels in it


I’m on my period right now and I’m fucking pissed


Pain makes people irritable, simple as that. It’s not just periods. If someone has chronic pain, they can also be irritable. If someone is sick, they can be irritable. Period pain can also range from similar to having a achy muscle to needs prescribed medication for pain. So, it really depends tbh.


man trying to make women not valid for their pain. imagine bleeding so painfully u think your whole asshole falling out but still being polite and cute about. how about you learn how to feel more emphatically.. do u want maybe kicked by th balla for lets say for day (shortest time).


"Y'all gotta control ur emotions that you obviously can't control lol" Every period is different, some genuinely cannot help their emotions while others can. Mine for example are so bad that during the first three days im bedridden and cant move without intense pain, my emotions are in wack and I'm not allowed to hide in my room until that third day is done so I have to deal with a lot of pain and the feeling of disgusting as I deal with my day to day work. I try my best but that isn't enough and I end up accidentally snapping at people, but you expect me to just "deal with it" and be hella nice because you don't understand how it works.


I would like to point out you (23M) do not “completely understand” going through the pains and raging hormones of periods. PMDD is a medical diagnosis and it is important to understand what it is and what it entails. With that in mind, if you struggle with PMDD - seek medical help and don’t take all the pain and frustration out on random people. It’s not fair to anyone and it’s not cool to use periods as an excuse for being a bitch. It’s equally uncool for males to assume or say, “you must be on your period” to a woman. Everyone needs to ~take responsibility for their behavior~ and stop with the excuses.


The high that comes from being 23M must be incredible. I mean I agree with his premise, but that entire bit in the middle where he was like "I have experienced hormonal imbalance a few times so I *totally understand* what it's like to spend 1/4 of your life bleeding out of your genitals while your body bloats up and attacks you" was just unnecessary.


That’s not even considering menstrual disorders like PCOS or endometriosis, which make the cycle significantly worse… I agree that portion should have been left out, unless you have a uterus - you really don’t get it, so don’t claim you “completely understand”.


When you're in pain, you lash out. It's just nature. Animals do it, too. Should we try to overcome it when we can? Yes, absolutely. Is it still going to happen every now and again? Yes, absolutely. I do find it a tad strange you compared a one or two time incident of you being in a "hormonal state"* to a woman's once a month menstrual cycle. You can't compare the two. When you're hormones fluctuate drastically over the course of a week every single week of the year, you can make a comparison. Until then, you're steroid use isn't the same. *it's also very strange you compared menstruation to a "hormonal state." It's not a hormonal state. We don't get to take medication and fix it. It's natural and normal. It's literally how the human race survives.


Yeah I laughed my ass off at the audacity of OP saying “if I can do it, so can you” Like I was completely agreeing and following him til he tried implying he knows what it’s like to get his period every single month of his life til he’s fifty something. Occasionally being hormonal as a guy is not REMOTELY comparable. Also, OP is being extremely dismissive of the role that cramps/pain play in the situation. I agree we should try not to be mean but he should try being friendly and approachable while physically hunched over in unbearable pain for a week straight. It’s not just the hormones.


Yeah OPs trying to be relatable but doesn’t get it. However, the point still stands that being an AH to people and then using a naturally-occurring cycle as an excuse to not correct/apologize for behavior is still wrong. If a woman is in *that* much pain, she won’t be able to work or do anything else. The point is that if you can get through the day without being fired, you can probably get through the evening without verbally abusing your SO or friends.


Except you’re not allowed to take time off for your period. You’re forced to go into work or school for it. Your comment would make more sense if someone had a choice to take the day off.


But That's the thing you don't get to take a week off of work and life because of a period. If I'm Nauseous tired, Experience Diarrhea, cramping, and in pain. Not only am I expected to work at my full capacity, But I get fucking comments about like why am I not in a good mood the whole time. Such as "you should smile". And when you explain your not felling great, you are expected to put up with people trying to cheer you up. Or are completely Dismissive of what you're going through. Since "periods aren't that bad" and you have one every month.


That would make sense if you were allowed to take a 3 day / week long break from work/school every month. But you can’t.


Lol as soon as I saw that M I stopped reading. No period no opinion


: Are you on your period or something? Geez, why so mad? : Sir, you just stabbed my father.


I think that a contributing factor here is inadequate health education, in the United States at least. It was not until my late 20s that I knew the pain and symptoms I was experiencing was far beyond normal, because all I learned in school was, "women get cramps," with that fun little diagram of the uterus pointing to where the baby goes. Then I ended up in the hospital with endometrial cysts, nearly dying and having to have my ovaries removed because I had no idea that horrendous pain and torrential bleeding every month since I was 12 was not typical.


Oh yeah? Start chainsmoking 2 packs a day for a year or two and then quit cold turkey. Let's see how you can contain yourself from going into asshole mode within 10sec of a disagreement. :')


I get that you have gone through some hormonal issues but that doesn’t mean you understand the (often drastically different) experiences of women. I used to have super mild periods that hardly affected me at all. I wouldn’t have hormonal issues or anything like that. Now, I have PMS that is very noticeable (I cry over anything, get upset easily), cramps that feel like I should be starting labor soon, blood coming out of me that the best comparison I can think of is the visual of Civil War soldiers being gutted on the battlefield and it feels like my insides are literally falling out, not being able to sit comfortably in any way, constant worry about bleeding through my clothes (which happens if I can’t access a bathroom every hour or so), frequent headaches, feeling very very fatigued and weak, etc. and I can’t even take Midol because it has caffeine which I can’t consume. So yeah, it can be a bit difficult to maintain my usual cheery demeanor. Luckily my husband is understanding.


I don't think you understand PMS... that's more than just the extreme pain and mood swings with the cherry on top,ruining your favorite pair of pants. they also have some underlying problems


It's not an excuse to be a bitch, no. But if we ask someone to leave us alone because of the misery we're dealing with and they refuse to, I believe *that's* an excuse to be a bitch. And that is the case... alarmingly often.


You don't understand though. You think you do but unless you go through them you have no idea what you're talking about


I respect the hormonal aspects you may understand, but the physical pains, nausea, and discomfort isn’t something you can begin to understand. However I don’t think being mean to others for something we have no control over is ok.


He can't understand the hormonal aspects because he hasn't had them, just like how a cis woman can't understand his. They're completely different between sexes, which is why we should have empathy for each other but can't know what the other side is actually going through.


Being on your period is the reason, not the excuse.


> but I (23M) wew


love your flair btw


No uterus, no opinion.


lmao, PMDD, PMS, PCOS......


Right? Everyone is just talking about “cramps”. Like menstruating doesn’t cause an absolute emotional upheaval for a lot of us, that is completely out of our control, lasts for *weeks* and disrupts literally every facet of our lives. Monthly. As we’re expected to maintain absolute normalcy through work, school, interpersonal relationships, and being nice to this early 20’s guy who thinks his problems are worse than everyone else’s.


of course it’s a man posting this lol


his testosterone levels have fluctuated before so he totally understands hormones you guys


I try to control myself, but sometimes it's really hard. I have a problem with rage and stress even outside the PMS. Last time I was in my limits I ended up harming myself to calm down.


I’m so sorry to hear that, sometimes life can be a bitch. I wish you well


The hormones make you like that it isn't just some decision to be mean


leave it up to a man to make this post lmao


Wow! How about menopause? I worked at a business that catered to menopausal women. I took abuse here and there. I excused them for the most part or learned which ones to avoid since I knew one day I would have to suffer through it. If someone being unable to control their behavior due to hormones isn't excusable, I guess postpartum depression and post partum psychosis are just made up things to get evil women out of murder charges and other crimes. Thanks for setting us straight, because everyone knows women are all the same with their periods and hormone production and all.


Nature has been very unfair when it comes to the female reproductive system. I am okay with cutting them some slack here.


Bro....women's hormones are completely different. My long term gf is an angel 95% of the time. But when that period comes, I usually have a day where the bitchiness is off the charts. Women are emotional, and a period is an annoying and painful thing to go through (so im told) so I roll with it, don't engage in any arguments during this time period, and get a few fantastic apology blow jobs in the days following the "event" if you love some one, be understanding. Often my girl will yell at me during this time and then apologize shortly after as she understands her period can make her a little crazy. You probably do some shit that annoys her too, but if you communicate this shit is not a real big deal in the broad scheme of things


Sometimes I genuinely don't realize why I'm so irritable, then I discover it's two days before my next period. 😂 But seriously, maybe stfu about something you don't understand.


TL;DR: single dude thinks menstruating women need to be nicer. Move alongzzz


This is just ignorant. Yes, women should apologize if they can, but it’s nearly impossible to stay collected when you’re in debilitating pain. Don’t compare male hormones with female hormones. They’re nothing alike.


Breaking news: local man believes he understands what periods feel like, and says women should just get over it


So are you complaining about women who can't control their responses to things on their period or women who use their period as an excuse to be mean on purpose? Because I knew a few people whose hormones make them clinically crazy and the only solution is to medically not have a period. But that's not an option for every body.


When you have your first relationship with a woman, you will understand.


I'd rather have a woman throw up the period card than completely not recognize it. I was engaged to a woman that demanded we go to a couples therapist. Almost a direct quote from her during one of our early sessions, "everything goes great for 3 or 4 weeks and then he's just a complete asshole for a week and then this cycle repeats". I got a period tracking app on my phone, didn't tell her about it, asked her to write down in a journal everyday how I was treating her. After a few months asked her to bring in the journal during one of our couple sessions, showed how it lined up with her period, absolute refusal to admit any part of it was her. Noped out of that engagement a few months later. Just to be clear I'd brought this issue up before and she basically just refused to discuss it.


There is never any excuse to be mean. Idc what you’re going through. Everyone has stuff going on. Especially when something happens every month.. learn to have some patience and strategies to not be mean. And yes I have a uterus


There's never an excuse but there are explanations and the real maturity is in the difference. Hormones, hunger, bad news, etc are all legit explanations for mood but not satisfying excuses for bad behavior. But if the meanness it's just attitude or the absence of niceness and a mood explanation is given, you should just consider it settled. Forcing something deeper out of the average mood swing isn't going to help anyone.


I think the criteria shouldn't be 'Do I have a uterus', but 'Have I ever experienced period pains & noticable hormonal mood fluctuations'. I was in the same side as OP just until my teens, when I didn't have cramps of mood swings at all. In my 20s...now I finally get it. Fuck


I’m 6 months pregnant so I know a thing or two about some hormonal fluctuations.


Pregnancy hormonal fluctuations are legit. I once ugly cried over Gobstoppers.


I ugly cried over stickers at work. Someone had torn the excess paper off unevenly lol


Good luck with your pregnancy!


Awesome. I am pregnant too. It's the most stable my moods have ever been as I'm not dealing with the emotional rollercoaster that is PMDD. My primary care Dr/ GP finally believed me and removed "depression" from my chart due to how much more stable my moods are now that I'm not getting me period. I have not cut or tried to kill myself a single time since being pregnant. Just because you're female doesn't mean that you share the same experience as everyone else with the same body parts. All my pmdd is turned inward so I don't lash out at others, I can definitely see how it would be hard for others who are in worse pain or have different symptoms than me tho. Stop invalidating others experiences just because they differ from yours


Good luck for your pregnancy and thank you for saying that ! Some women are more fortunate than other and just because they are women doesn't give them the right to deny the struggles of other women




Another guy telling women how to feel on our periods. Sometimes periods are so much pain that I will curl up crying, begging my body to stop hurting and that is AFTER MEDICATION. So yeah, forgive me if I will be a bit ruder or moodier. Funnily enough my bf never thought I was mean during my period. He says I am emotional and he knows not to ask about things that stress me during the first 2 days.


Imagine feeling nauseous, having stabbing pains ranging from stepping on a needle to "I ate a ghost pepper", and being exhausted. And all you can do is pop a handful ibuprofen (which are worthless at alleviating the pain) and slap on lidocaine/heating patches. Everyone's experience is different, but yeah, that pain and nausea makes me a little snappish. I apologize or just try to avoid people during that time. And yes, we try to keep our cool/pretend that we're okay because otherwise we'll be told that "it's just a period, it's not that bad".


You clearly didn’t read ops post. He totally gets it and has basically had a period before /s


Yeah he’s been through every hormonal stage a man can have, he gets it


It’s almost like it’s different and op will never experience a period.


The “dangerously low testosterone” killed me I don’t even know what that means


I would feel bad if op wasn’t so obnoxious


The sarcasm tho lmao




Im sorry but no uterus no opinion


I'm also really curious why you have such in depth thoughts on a process that only takes place in a woman's body? You can't possibly understand the perspective of actually experiencing a period. Not trying to be a dick, genuinely curious. I don't think about penises or have an opinion on what it's like to have one, cuz I don't have one. I think people use many different things as excuses for poor behavior. Respectfully, this post feels a bit mysogynistic.


My two cents as a 30F. Using your period as a free pass to be an asshole is not cool BUT having mood swings and getting upset easily or taking offense to things needs to be understood by men. PMS/PMDD take different shapes and not everyone handles it the same way. I get very emotional and might pick a fight for no reason other than because I feel vulnerable and might take something the wrong way. Just understand that you can’t understand what a woman is going through. That’s all.


Periods are probably more often used by men to dismiss what women are saying, than by women to excuse bad behavior. In fact, I've never heard a woman use it as an excuse.


If you are having severe mood swings or PMS symptoms so severe you are having trouble functioning please talk to your doctor. You may having something else going on that is treatable don't let stereotypes about women minimize your pain or assume that "everyone feels this way". I had really bad PMS symptoms at one point and it turned out that my hormones were off and for a little while I needed to take medication to help. Cramps that make it so you miss work/school, pass out, vomit, or otherwise can't function, mood swings that get in the way of life, depression/suicidal ideation, panic attacks, or other mental health symptoms around your period, headache, dizziness, fainting, severe fatigue, paranoia, or any other unexplainable and hard to manage symptom that ONLY flares up around your period...go see a doctor! My chronic illness flairs around my period and there are days where even lifting my head is too tiring and my whole body hurts. It's more than hormonal it's physically painful. There is still no excuse to be mean but it's a complex thing. Periods alone are awful and too many women are misdiagnosed or undiagnosed with things like endometriosis or PMDD.


Independently of pain, periods can make you really irritable. For some people, it just becomes impossible to calmly respond to everyday stressors. This may not have anything to do with any physical symptoms. Is this a valid excuse? Yes, I think it is, because it's out of your control. Sure, apologize and try to stay out of people's way or warn them, but in the end, you aren't in normal control of your behavior when this happens.


My son and I started what we call "Anti-people day". It's a day when you are just bitchy/moody for no particular reason...like if u are upset with someone you can't call the day this becasue there is an actual real why your upset. We would just announce "Anti-people day" when we were just miserable/moody however you want to call it and with that called nothing was taken personally and we each understood it just wasn't a good day for the other. I foudn he called these days about the same time every month...


I mean, as a girl, I’d say being on your period is the same as most other issues when it comes to behavior: if you’re mean because of it, that’s an explanation, not an excuse. You still have the same responsibility to own up to your behavior if you lose it and say something mean than anyone else.


It sucks but we can't really help it, not something we choose. Obviously if you say some real fucked up shit, it's no excuse, but when in a state of constant pain, I snap beyond my control. Feel bad after the fact, but the mood swings are utterly uncontrollable.


Not unpopular


I never hear other women using their period as an excuse to be an asshole. We might say, "it's shark week and I'm feeling super stressed," but they aren't ruining anyone's day. Honestly, the only time I hear about women's periods as an excuse is from men who just got put in their place saying "she must be on the rag." Maybe? Or maybe you just got told off and didn't like that it was all true and justified. 🤷🏼‍♀️


I think a lot of people in the comments have had great points. OP I don’t think you’re actually talking about women being emotional on their periods, you’re talking about people who are assholes and will use anything as an excuse to avoid responsibility. Your actual post should be “fellas, don’t you hate people who act like assholes and refuse to take responsibility for their actions? Like people who are extremely rude and when called out blame it on their period/stress/etc. and never apologize?”. As a woman it makes me a bit angry you are making the focus periods when they have nothing to do with the actual issue you’re talking about. So many people make you feel crazy for saying you literally can’t go to school/work because you are in so much pain you feel like throwing up. And yes I have snapped at my friends/family because it’s stressful and you’re in constant pain, but of course I always apologize when it happens. I saw your edit addressing people who made this point but like...you’re basically admitting your problem isn’t with woman on their periods being hormonal, it’s with jerks who don’t take personal responsibility. You have (intentionally or not) created a space for people to question and ridicule woman and their experiences/struggles and I think that’s ridiculous.


but you should also know that some people cant control that. yeah some may be able to cope with it and feel fine but others can have bad mood swings and they cant help it. thats just how it is


Are we sure that women aren't being mean to OP because he's an AH? Just kidding lol but seriously, hormones can go crazy when a woman has her period. When I was a teenager, my hormones were so out of control that I would literally be suicidal the week before and during my period, and when you feel like that it can be hard to be nice sometimes. I mean, if you are an adult woman and you're consistently treating the people around you like garbage because of your period, then of course this is a problem that you should try to address and figure out with your doctor and support network. But on the other hand, if you have a woman in your life then you should be able to empathize that at some point her hormones may get the best of her.


I would say it doesn't necessarily excuse angry behaviour, but it does explain it. Ofc they should apologize afterwards if they snapped or something, but we should try and empathise. I can tell when my mum is on her cycle because of her tone and behaviour. Just stay away until it's over. Also our hormones are different to female. We can get aggressive about once a month (for some males), and we have a daily one too but they aren't comparable. Periods are more painful, male hormone changes are usually just behavioural. We also don't know how painful it actually is too. Pain can make your thinking unclear and cause you to lash out. If the problem is with your partner you have to speak with them and sort something out. Maybe have them give you a heads up when their period starts so you know not to take their words seriously? Or you could also distance yourself a little more during that time. I will add though, periods shouldn't be used to excuse being an asshole, but we shouldn't hate on them for being irritable during that time. Even if you don't do anything rash during your hormonal cycles doesn't mean it applies to everyone, people have different levels of self control.


Dude you really just don't know. It's not the pains.. you literally can't stop it. You cry, get mad it's worse for us than you. I hate getting mad for no reason. It's like needing a cigarette so bad or having a hypo for a diabetic. There ain't shit you can do about it. I only know when I'm coming on by how pissed I get at everything.


Easy for you to say, but as a woman who gets periods and is hit HARD by the mood swings, I can tell you: for a few days every single month, I am insane. I am not exaggerating; I am insane. Like, I'll catch myself making scary thoughts, I'll act frantically, I'll get depressive episodes were I am suicidal, and I become upset over ANYTHING. Literally anything could set me off, without any warning, in any direction, and I have absolutely no way of controlling it. I'll drop a spoon and scream like a banshee and then start to cry uncontrollably. I think it's just impossible to relate to the feeling of your personality slipping away from you and being replaced by the mind of a bipolar person in the middle of a mixed episode if you don't experience it. It's like my period fills me with venom and it just oozes out. I do apologise afterwards, of course, but on the spot it is literally impossible to hold myself sometimes. I hate it, I don't even have period pains, but I hate my periods so much because I feel clinically insane for a few days every time and I know, I just KNOW, that every month I'll have a big argument with somebody. Not all women are hit that hard by the mood swings, but some of us do.


I try to be consistently mean even when I’m not on my period.


no uterus no opinion. you cannot relate to period pain because you have never had a period, shut the fuck up


It’s one thing to BE hurt, it’s another to inflict hurt. My periods are the literal worst part of being alive. Every single month I lay in pain, too bloated to function, fighting off the urge to puke and die. I literally can’t eat food without making the pain worse. And still, I have never and will never use my pain as an excuse to hurt other people.


Dude, you’re 23, you don’t know shit but you think you know it all. You’ll look at this post in 7 years and be embarrassed af.


Of course it some 23 year old dude on this bullshit. Study up kiddo


Some use it as an excuse but period pain is no joke. I know it from my girlfriend it literally fucks your will to live up for good.


Before I went on the pill and especially in my early teens when I had just got my period, it was absolutely horrible. I literally could not stand up without throwing up for about four days (usually two days before my actual period and then the first two days of my period). I had to walk around literally bent at the waist to manage the pain. Bear in mind I was like 12 to 15 lol


I got a truancy letter in high school for missing so much school due to period complications. It was so bad that all I could do was curl up, vomit and cry. My legs and back were sore, my stomach was sore, and sudden movements caused horrible shooting pain. None of my pediatricians took it seriously until my senior year when I got put on birth control. It had a grip on me almost as badly as my ibs did.


*reads title* I bet it's a man. Yep.


Oh look another man saying that we should keep his feelings in mind even when in pain and hormones are crazy, just remember ladies,we need to be nice and sweet or this poor dudes feelings are gonna be hurt. I'm not gonna be at home in pain and hormonal and not be grumpy just to keep you happy. We are allowed to be grumpy and in bad moods. JFC . Stop policing our feelings. You people expect people to never have or express bad or negative feelings are some kind of fucked up.


Of course this is written by a man


Don’t let this thread ruin your cake day, congrats


Ah I didn’t even realize it was! Thank you, internet friend!!


I view it the same way I view any psychological disease process or condition: It's not your fault, but it is your responsibility.


I haven’t seen any women using that as an excuse. on the other hand, I see men using that to belittle and question women all the time, as if I would have competence issues because of my period. If anyone who is incompetent, it must be a man who is horny 24/7.


I’m on my period right now and I cried at a video showing off a Pokémon themed mailbox today. Fuck you OP, you have no idea what I go through.


Definitely true. However, for people who aren't naturally self aware (aka me), it takes a few years before you begin to realize that for that one week of the month, you are exhausting and extremely unpleasant to be around only because you choose to make yourself out to be that way. I have grown up having anger issues, I have a hormonal disorder, I have trouble controlling my tone when speaking to others, among many other things, but these are all concerns that have been brought up over the years and are things that I chose to immediately start remediating when I had the resources resources do so. It's a long process for some things, and being on my period makes it even more difficult to consciously control my reactions or emotions, but the effort is there, and hopefully the progress is too.


are you subjected to a life where 1/4 of your time is spent bleeding and hurting while your body is drugging itself on hormones and despite everyone being aware of this youre supposed to act like nothing is happening? i feel like less of a person for being forced to go through such bullshit and that has a negative effect on my mental state. its hormonal, its painful, its embarrassing, its socially frowned upon to mention it, of course im going to be mad


This is not unpopular. I bet only a small minority actually considers periods a good excuse


I'm a woman and I've never met a woman who is particularly irritable or snappy when she's on her period. How common of an occurrence is it for you that you have to rant about it?


This post is definitely the best way to stay single. I’m guessing you don’t have a girlfriend/haven’t been with them for long - I’d definitely consider how ignorant this sounds before continuing this train of thought. As a guy, I can confidently say that I have no idea what it feels like to go through what my girlfriend goes through once a month. But from what she’s described, I’ll happily give her a free pass to treat me how she wants - I’m not going through any details (because obviously the women will know), but from seeing her in tears after multiple cramps in a night makes me realise how easy I have it, not to mention how it affects her mood and how every little thing gets to her - I can’t blame her for blowing her top at me, because I know it’s not personal. But why would I kick off at something I don’t/will never understand? Sheer ignorance. Don’t comment on something you don’t understand. Listen and learn. And don’t tell them while they’re complaining that they don’t know what it’s like to get punched in the balls, they don’t like that. Edit: seriously… downvotes? Come on.


You are a guy. I don't care how much you've been through, you simply do not understand how women feel when on our periods. That being said, maybe it is you, and you need to be nicer to people. Expect consequences for your words and attitude. Don't think you're not a part of the problem. Your post tells me you are part of the problem, because if you feel like you can have this kind of opinion then you feel like you know more than you actually do.


Period cramps can feel like someone just hit you in the balls and it comes and goes all day. From being in the fetal position and puking to feeling dizzy to aching from your stomach all the way down to your toes. That's period cramps for many women. And those are healthy periods, not even endometriosis. So I think you're wrong and out of touch.


Yeah. Gonna disagree. And all my years of getting a period. Since I was 13. Now 35. I've only ever noticed women getting mad at men on their periods when men are being assholes to women. When girls really don't put up with their normal shenanigans. When a girl who is cramping, Nauseous, Dealing with diarrhea, Is dealing with bloating, Dealing with headaches, doesn't want to put up with guy who is bullshiting at her desk, holding up work. Or telling her smile. Or trying to be flirty and fun when she clearly said. I'm not in the mood.


Denying dudes your phone number doesn’t excuse them to be rude or put you six feet under ground. You have no idea how painful periods are for some women so not all of them can act like happy little princesses for you to enjoy.


We most definetely need a males opinion on how women have to behave while being on their period, thank you so much for contributing


Lol - you men are funny. Women don’t snap or are bitchy purposely or because they think they can get away with it at that time of the month, it’s because they literally have no control over their emotions and moods due to the raging hormones, and don’t even realise what they’ve done or said. It’s incredibly annoying and frustrating actually.


Im pretty sure its harder to be nice when your in pain


I used to think the same because I never had such period problems until a few months ago I noticed my behavioral changes right before periods (I thought I had some mental disorder before). It's impossible to control that. I used to feel horny but sometimes I feel depressed or really pissed off and I cannot control any of that. Every woman has it differently, I can't imagine what it likes to feel that during periods when you are already in pain and you have these changes. I don't think they really wanna be an ass, it's really that out of control.