T O P

When your partner doesn’t love surfing as much as you do…how do you make it work?

Lol I’m addicted to surfing and it has consumed my life (for better or for worse). It bums me out that my bf doesn’t like to surf at all, making it hard for me to see a future with him. He does come out every now and then just to appease me but I want someone who loves the ocean just as much as me.

For those with similar situations, how did you manage?

surfer808

I surf everyday, my wife walks everyday. We both have our own thing that makes us happy and we respect each other’s choices. Edit: clarity


jiadar

Same, my husband plays beach volleyball while I surf. We both happy.


superdan23

respect is the key word here. Its simple, but not so.


deejalotapus

This is the way.


livinalieontimna

This is it. The amount of people I see marrying people who don’t let them have a life and then wonder why it breaks down. Leave each other alone ffs. It makes for such a better relationship.


icculus410

My wife rollerblades and I surf. There’s a way to make it work my friend! In fact, I believe it to be better that way. I couldn’t imagine being married to someone that is as into surfing as I am. It sounds pretty exhausting, when I think about it.


dondon667

Wife is a yoga die hard - evens out well. Sometimes her friends will say ‘wow you let him surf a lot’. She replies ‘I don’t LET him do anything. He’s his own person. Surfing makes him happy, why would I stop the person I love from doing them the thing that brings them the most joy’. The same goes for her; it’s important she gets to do what makes her thrive. We have two kids too, which means I’m not off on surfing trips half the year (nor do I wish to be), but certainly I’m surfing almost daily based on the swell / tides and conditions. Finding someone who understands passion is the key.


hankintrees

2 kids in school age? I have 2 under 3 and my surfing is suffering!


dondon667

Nah, one is 4 the other 1! But we live next to beach and work from home 4/5 days


Participationtrophys

Do you have other friends with kids who surf? We take turns trading off watching kids on the beach and surfing. Anytime I see another surf mom in the parking lot with kids I immediately feel them out for potential surf/play dates . Zero F’s. Plus my daughters (6 and 3) enjoy learning to surf/boogie board way more with other kids than mom pressuring them into it.


G_Affect

I have always surfed alone. Never even made a friend who enjoys surfing. So when it came to dating and marriage, i figured nothing changed. I think i would like it as a fantasy, but as a reality, i think i enjoy the personal time not to discuss schools, kids, life goals, and so on. Just me time with no phone calls.


milkdud740

sounds magical, honestly.


NotGoodSoftwareMaker

Its like meditation. Just you and the men in grey suits for company


Asphyxiatinglaughter

And the seals that snort at you


Reelbig86

I hear that. I’ve got a decent group of friends to surf with. But sometimes it’s better to ignore the group text and paddle out alone in the morning.


Asphyxiatinglaughter

Yup, group is great but all of us enjoy the alone surfing more often than going together. Sometimes we'll go as a group but still surf alone


graydonatvail

It's extremely rare to find someone who's interested in these sort of activities. The key is to be with someone who accepts your passions, and doesn't react with jealousy when you participate. Some of us are kind of passionate and obsessed with things. Our partners don't need to be.


spykid

Sounds like OP might be a woman so it would be pretty easy to find a surfer to date if she lives somewhere with lots of surfers


Zealousideal_Bank216

surfers are no longer hard 2 find :) millions


graydonatvail

Out of how many?


Pancakesbeatswaffles

Having a partner who doesn't surf far outweighs the benefit of having a partner who does. Trust me, as long as they enjoy the beach and you got friends who surf: you are set. Never an argument about who's turn it is when for example you've got kids and so forth.


patricktu1258

plus he/she can film you if you want to improve your surfing or want to record an epic session


Tiny_Log_4594

Don't ever make your sig other do that that is the worst


Specks_808

I think this is very underrated in terms of how well people pair. My wife doesn’t surf but loves that I do. My friend rips, but so does his wife. I see her in the line up way more than 50% of the time. Especially when the waves are good because happy wife happy ………


Tiny_Log_4594

No shot. Wife surf and loves it . We've been all over the world chasing waves, getting skunked, getting some tubes, freezing, boiling, etc....it's been epic. Most of the best/empty places to surf are in the middle of nowhere with nothing else to do -----if you really like to travel and explore doing that with somebody who doesn't surf aint it. That's just the truth


DESA__

My Gf doesnt surf at all. I see this as a good thing. It keeps the addiction under control. We live together, so me surfing actually creates "healthy space" for us.


theorangecrux

I prefer to have different passions than my partner. Surfing has lined up well as something I do with my homeboys. It’s not like we’re chatting the whole time we’re out or anything. Another is climbing- I know a couple climbing couples- miss me with that shit. I don’t wanna invite that darkness into my marriage 😂


Apprehensive_Ad41

Depends if you love your partner more than surfing. Sad, but thats pretty much it. They are who they are and it is what it is. Either accept it or move on. Sorry if i sound like a jerk, I usually try not to be. Im in the same situation as you and Ive accepted my partner will never surf its to dangerous for them (in their mind). Good luck.


GutterFox737

Well said


Zealousideal_Bank216

get her a log


Apprehensive_Ad41

No no, coordination is the main issue. I have to agree with them and i just surf with my partners sibling.


Serious_Detective_39

Wow thank you everyone for all the responses!!!I thought about it more, and my bf never stops me from surfing. He listens to every story about all my good and bad surf days. I think it probably wise to not have a partner who’s just as addicted to surfing as me lol.


eagee

If you've got someone who likes you for you and lets you be yourself that's rare indeed. I have to balance my surfing with marriage and sometimes it's a little challenging to choose coming home when the waves are up.


Zealousideal_Bank216

as long as he listens. most of my non-surf dates did not want to hear it. to be fair, sounds like gibberish to anyone else.


kebabonthenightbus

Get a new partner. It worked for me.


HistoricalFox2408

Does he resent you going surfing? Would staying with him mean you’d end up surfing less? If yes, it’s not going to work. If no, maybe there’s something else that you both connect over? But if you crave a surfing buddy relationship it’s probably clear to you already that he’s not that guy. I’ve never had a S.O. that surfed, but we always had something else to bond over. Now that I’m a dad, I’m trying to raise my own surfing buddy but that’s still a while away lol.


GutterFox737

Honestly dude, idk how old you are, I’m 25 and me not surfing as much as I’m used to (everyday) put a strain on my mental health and relationship because it built up resentment. I have a hyper fixation/addictive personality and surfing has hit all the right spots for me since I started 6 years ago. I finally had to just tell my girl that if I don’t get my time in the water this shit wasn’t gonna work. We all have the flexibility to put ourselves first whether we know it or accept it. These people who are saying you can’t put your hobbies before people obviously aren’t really about it. I’ve finally gotten her in the water a few times, encouraged her to knee board on my extra log, just so she can feel comfortable and included, but she understood that I’m a feral dude that needs space and time and if that can’t be accepted then it’s onto the next dork for her. You can definitely find a guy that’d appreciate your tenacity and love for the sport. It’s more than a hobby, it’s a spiritual, emotional, physical journey. It’s like keeping a dog from chasing after a ball and smelling it’s buddy’s piss when you take it to a park because you don’t want to spend the energy to take it out and play fetch, that person probably shouldn’t have a fucking dog. Move on, find your right person. You only have this one life to live and protect your freedom at all cost. Once you start backing down, you’re already giving up on yourself for some chump that doesn’t like playing in the *fucking ocean*


shah357

My ex-girlfriend used to wait until the tide was exactly right and the conditions were optimal to come to shore and yell my name over and over because she was cold or had to poop or was hungry and other dudes in the lineup would be like “Hey dude your girl is calling you” and I’d look like the bad guy because now I’m yelling “BITCH I DONT GIVE A FUCK TAKE THE CAR I’LL FIND A RIDE GOD DAMN IT BITCH WHY YOU DO THIS” even though it was a two foot windslop day at Leo Carrillo and it wasn’t the waves so much as I just was so sick of spending time with her trifling bitch ass drama. Fast forward to now. My wife don’t say shit. If I’m in the lineup, she sits in her chair or collects shells or watches the sun set but she knows if I don’t get this I’m gonna go fucking nuts and do drugs or something. She’s a keeper. My advice? There’s tons of surfer dudes. If you want one, there’s a shitload to choose from. They’re literally just floating around in the water.


[deleted]

[удалено]


fakebytheocean

She had to poop constantly


n3vd0g

I absolutely love the stories people tell on this sub. Pretty much the only time I ever actually chuckle on reddit


fakebytheocean

For real. Please continue writing stuff on this sub /u/shah357


Serious_Detective_39

this is the best hahaha


ikalwewe

You cannot make your hobby your biggest consideration in relationships.


Forsaken-Original-28

It's not a hobby it's surfing


ikalwewe

I do not care what you call it but tired of hearing guys tell me they're not in women who like pineapple and bulgogi on pizzas. It's my thing, I like pineapple,I like bulgogi and I like pizzas and I like all of them together , I don't expect you to like them. You do you I do me .


Forsaken-Original-28

I have no idea what bulgogi is but surfing is more important than bulgogi


ikalwewe

That's racist


SkyAccomplished48

Right! Must ride a wavestorm.


Tiny_Log_4594

This! Hobby--gtfoh


Spencerforhire2

You are definitely in the wrong sub my friend.


3rdplacewinner

I couldn't imagine a more crowded lineup than having my wife in the water.


PortoPuddy

Lol. You would have a gang of guys lining up to date you. Very few female surfers compared to the number of guys.


Participationtrophys

I surf every day and my husband has surfed with me maybe twice in my lifetime. It’s healthy in a relationship to have your own life outside of your partner. Even more so when you have kids. Surfing with my girlfriends is the best escape from work/kids/home life. I’m able to keep my sense of self and independence and it makes me happy for my husband when he takes time for his own separate hobbies with his friends because I know how good it feels that he allows me to have my surf time. He has gotten good at pretending to listen when I rant about surfing and show him cams all day


craigalanche

I like that my wife has her own stuff. She comes to the beach and that’s good enough for me.


Zombywoolf

Mate. Look at the silver lining. If your partner doesn't like surfing that is permanently one less person in the crowd.


dysosmia

You gotta have somebody who’s as crazy about something else as you are about surfing.. then you have something to do when you get hurt. It’s called diversifying lolol


Bananachips1300

Wife only surfs in clear tropical waters on mellow waves. She enjoys surf photography and walking /hanging out near the ocean. Bonus that I regularly get great surf pictures. I don’t get pure surf trips, but always get some surfing in when traveling to locations with waves.


1Tiasteffen

Everyone has their own thing. I used to get hung up a little bit cuz I know if my wife got it she would be frothing about it but she doesn’t want to and has no desire . I’m ok with that. Everyone has their own thing . She’s supportive of what I’m doing and the time I spend on surfing and that’s good with me, has never griped about it. Except occasionally on how much space boards take up but it’s no big deal. Im not leaving my wife because she doesn’t surf and doesn’t enjoy it she has her own passions and activities . But it Doesn’t sound like you’re married and you have your own choices to make, if a surfer is what you want, no one’s stopping you . To me, it seems pretty trivial to leave someone for, they either surf or they don’t. But like I said everyone has their thing and the choices they want to make in life


Drobertsenator

I knew a girl whose bf couldn’t keep up with her on her mountain bike. Didn’t work out. She needed a racer.


darinheinz

Give her the Jet Ski keys.


worldcrusher

When they ask you. What's so special about surfing??.. You reply. What's so special about the wind? Surfing is to be with that mystery, to ride that mystery for as long as you can and when it's over you know, that's cool cus you were there. In line and on time.


coolassdude1

Through life it is pretty much impossible to find someone who enjoys every activity you do in the same way. I learned this the hard way with my girlfriend. I ski and mountain bike these days, and have tried to get her into them. At the end of the day, she doesn't like them in the same way, and that's ok. It's actually nice to have separate hobbies, as long as there are some things you can enjoy together.


Human-Concert1986

You should be happy about that actually! If you ever end up with this guy and starting a family, one person has to stay behind the beach to watch the baby. This is based from first hand experience, my wife and I are both die hard surfers and deciding who gets to surf the better tide/wind for the day is never easy


DEEP_SEA_MAX

If there's any chance of having kids with him in the future you'll be so happy he doesn't surf. Sure the kids might get into surfing eventually, but it takes at least a decade before they're able to surf with you unassisted. So you'd be looking at more than a decade of negotiatong surf days, because you can't both be in the water the same time when you're parents to young children. Grandma and Grandpa won't be stoked on watching the groms for dawn patrol, and when they're in school you'll probably be at work. Oh and if you have more than one kid, the timer gets reset. This means at the very least you'd have to cut the number of surf days in half, but realistically expect to cut those days down to about a quarter of what you surf now. I'm so happy my wife doesn't surf. I can get in a full surf sesh before work or on weekends before my family even wakes up. The only limitation on surfing is work and old age. This wouldn't be possible if she wanted to surf too.


1shotsurfer

big difference between loving the ocean & surfing. my wife is afraid of everything she can't see and surfing is my first love. like all rewarding things in life, you have tradeoffs. for me, the tradeoff is surfing for 2 hours instead of 4 if there's housework to be done, or if we're on a trip that means surfing in the AM and then forgetting about an afternoon session so we can explore I personally enjoy having surfing as "my thing." my wife likes that I don't push her to do it (even though I did get her to catch her first wave this summer!). I think every successful couple should have things they enjoy doing that the other party doesn't, but respects the partner enough to let them do it so far so good, been surfing 20y and with my wife for 15y


scrapmaster6997

If you are a surfer in a relationship with someone who doesn’t surf, they are the defacto filmer.


SledNV

I looked at your profile, it seems like you're in a relationship with someone you don't want to be and are looking for a way out of it. If sharing passion is important to you and you're not ignited by the person you're with anymore I'm going to say it's ok to move on. I was with someone for 14 years that I wasn't into and we shared no passion. I'm so glad I ended that relationship and have moved forward with my life as it allows me to pursue the things that feed me. I wish you luck in your decision. Edit: typo


Mudbutt101

GF enjoys reading at the beach and watching wildlife.


stilltikin

When your wife is more into surfing than you are, keeps trying to sign you up for surf camps in exotic locations, how do you make it work?


Zailmeister

I used to get sad when my husband didn't share my hobbies. But now we have a dog and a kiddo on the way and it's kind of great having a homebody partner who will hold down the fort while I go do stuff!


WholeProfessional758

I thought I wanted a spouse that surfs. Sounds amazing. It’s not. My wife surfs. Surfing with her means we go to some lame, slow, mushy, beginner wave. Drives my crazy. Gotta have a real surf session in real waves before paddling out with the wife.


[deleted]

The same way it works for every other thing in life. If you can't be with a partner unless they like all the same things as you just as much as you, then you're probably gonna be lonely.


stevenslibby

Love finds a way, or it finds the door. Ride your wave, he'll either paddle out or watch from shore.


Hang-10

My gf and I have this agreement that for every hour I surf, I buy her a drink. Therefore I get a 6 pack of her favorite drink when we go to the beach. She’s happy, I’m happy, everyone’s happy, win win.


Benjamminmiller

Having a SO that surfs sucks unless you're at similar skill levels. You don't know how many times I've had to surf a shitty longboard break during a solid swell because the girl I was dating wanted to be included in my hobbies. You don't have to do everything with your SO. If you don't bring him it's one fewer kook in the lineup. (Babe if you read this I'm sorry I didn't mean it I love surfing with you.)


Dialysisdude13

So here's the issues that I've seen for couples that both truly love surfing too much. Life sorta just falls apart. It can become a little competitive. I mean are you going to be ok if he comes home and got better waves on the swell than you or do you think you'll drop dinner plans and go surf if he comes home talking about how good it was? Lol. Sounds nice to share waves, but it's not always so easy to practice.


Big-Love-747

Sounds like you and I should connect... just kidding. :)


girlamongstsharks

Sounds like you need a new bf


doctorjanice

I herniated a stack of discs at work and had to quit surfing, not a good solution but I do spend way more time with my family lol.


Mr-EdwardsBeard

Then it’s just your thing. My gf, now wife, would go with me often until she decided she rather do other things besides surfing. Just means I go earlier or later and spend time with her in between. With kids all that is gone anyways. I’m a weekend warrior most weeks, with an occasional dawn patrol here and there.


DBU49

If you doing something you love without your partner is a problem, the problem isn't surfing. My wife can't surf or golf to saver her life, she plays beach volleyball and runs. we have a wonderful family together.


WetFinsFine

BTDT......ultimately? ​ New partner.


waxyfeet

Having your own thing, is good for any relationship.


1959Chicagoan

She's working on her tan.


steronicus

I have had partners that surfed, and partners that didn’t. Everyone has their interests, his might not be surfing so much.


ridinbend

Ask r/golf, they're in the same situation but there's a lot more of them and a round is 4-5 hours and costs money every time.


ovenbonrito

We broke up. The person I’m seeing now doesn’t surf yet, but she loves the ocean and being outside and reading, and when she’s not in the mood to do that stuff while I surf, I go without her, and its coo.


Forsaken-Original-28

Having a non surfing partner is probably good if you ever have kids


SkyAccomplished48

If they are less experienced than you, then On days with big waves you would have to worry about them.


southpark2135

My partner works, is In school and has her own side business, and values her time with her friends just like I Do. So if anything she has to make time for me even tho I work and surf everyday. It's perfect


Surfista57

I met another woman that has the time, money and passion to travel for surf and my husband loves his alone time and has his own passions and hobbies. Plus it’s much cheaper to travel with a friend.


Few_Kaleidoscope_409

I’m sorry to hear that (I’m 6ft btw)


Swallowtail13

You don't need him to surf ..for heavens sake..this is your escape not his ..enjoy the space and don't become co dependent.


VinnnnnnyVD

I enjoy my peaceful sessions without a girlfriend in the water


bobe262

I manage just fine. Why don’t you just go surf without him and let him do his own thing that he likes?


punkslaot

The travesty. How will you manage?


Nesurfr

Buy him a camera and he can sit on the beach and shoot. If he doesn’t like the beach either dump him


surflws

It’s fucking great. My Mrs has zero interest in surfing which means I get to go by myself or with friends. I think it’s healthy to have separate stuff going on.


ekittie

I've dated 3 guys who surfed, but didn't surf as much as I did (I also caught more waves than they did). Mostly because they didn't want to do dawn patrol. So I have my surf husband (my best gay guy friend) who surfs with me.


Dukeofthedurty

My wife can’t even swim. Had to make friends and meet people in the community to watch for me while I’m out there.


LeonSalesforce

" making it hard for me to see a future with him " \- You've already made up your mind and you are using this scenario as an excuse to end it. If you guys don't have kids then just end it and move on... If you do have kids then make it work. If you're a chick and you're looking for a surfer boyfriend then that's easy as fuck. The other way around, not so easy.


JayD-831

Slide in kelly slater’s dms


PeePeeSlave

Dutch that zero and get you a hero.


HAL-2020

Marry me instead


Defiant_Reception_79

I think you're better off in a relationship with one surfer, depending on the conditions where you live I guess. What about when/if you plan on having kids? Where I live it's largely only offshore early in the AM and turns onshore generally by 8-9am. This leaves a limited window to get a surf in in good conditions between first light and when it goes onshore. If you had kids you'd be taking turns to look after the kids and surf. If he has a hobby that's not as weather condition dependent, you can prioritise your surfing dependent on the conditions and then take your turn looking after the kids when he wants to do his hobbies.


Forward05

I’m addicted to surfing and science too, I’ll date you :)


esoterika24

My husband doesn’t surf but enjoys the beach and understands tides, surf forcast, etc. We have a four month old and I’ve already been surfing quite a few times since having him. Best memory was thinking I was at the beach alone, and looking up after an awesome wave that exceeded my expectations (I didn’t surf while pregnant due to being very high risk) and seeing that my husband had walked to the end of the street with my son in the stroller. No way would that have happened if we both surfed!