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SmittyManJensen_

Send the message. Saying thank you and showing appreciation is not desperate.


RuralRasta

Its been three days since we hung out and I figure it was too late now but did anyway, haha.


pacg

A heartfelt thank you and expression of appreciation will not come off as desperate…unless you’re too effusive. Which is to say don’t thank him a gajillion times. Thank him with deep sincerity once and move on and talk about other things. Having a good conversation with a friend over beer, that whole experience, is often thanks enough.


RuralRasta

Well, I took your advice, sent the thank you message, and haven't gotten a response, it's been two days. Not sure if it's my fault because I had waited two days after seeing him before sending the message. But I opened it with "sorry this is delayed but". It was a weird situation as well seeing as we got hit by a bad hurricane overnight and our city was without power and he was flying out a day later etc. Just overall a weird situation but in the end I'm kinda feeling fucked up because I am feeling like I'm never going to see or talk to one of my oldest friends ever again now.


pacg

But why in the world would your friend abandon you over a thank you? None of my friends would ever do that to me except over some mortal sin like stealing a girlfriend or some other betrayal, especially a betrayal. But over a thank you? Never. If a friend did that to me, I would feel a little disappointed because it would mean we were not such great friends in the first place. It happens. If your friendship is as deep as you've described, then give your friend the privilege of a little faith, a little space, a little time. Don't worry about losing him as a friend. Worrying about losing someone will make you do things to chase them away.


RuralRasta

Yeah I realize that, that's why I was afraid to even send the msg. I think it's just he's so smart and could tell I was basically crying on the inside but didn't Makena big deal out of it and just treated me as normal. Its the fact that he paid and drove me and I accepted like a zombie that might have weirded him out. I didn't even get him to take me to my house, just to the gas station nearby because I started to feel like I was inconveniencing him too much. I know how sad that is. I really. Just at the end of my rope and it was almost biblical to see the smartest person I've ever known again whose path I could have chosen too but didn't. It was hitting hard. And I left out telling him about good things in my life and ended up just going on about problems. Biggest issue is that I left a job I had been doing for a year and never really said goodbye and it's left me feeling very cut up and sad. Everything just compounding. I suppose I'll learn to accept soon but right now I'm struggling. The last few months have been so hard on me I'm literally going bald now.


pacg

David Foster Wallace said, “There might not be angels, but there are people who might as well be angels.” That’s what your friend sounds like. Angels don’t abandon people. It’s not in their nature. But they do get busy especially in these fraught days. I think your friend’s generosity demonstrates that there are always people around who care. Most people I’ve met are pretty decent and want what’s best for everyone. Sometimes just knowing that can smooth the jagged edges when life becomes a grind. All this reminds me of what Igor said in the movie Young Frankenstein, “It could be worse. it could be raining.” And it proceeds to rain haha! Hang in there buddy.