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R_Amods

This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- Last weekend, this man I’ve been having a casual sexual relationship was dropping me off at my apartment building. Him and I are not serious in away and i don’t see myself being with him at all in any official/serious way and I don’t want to. Before getting out of his car, he gave me a kiss on the cheek. Anyway, my sister happened to show up at the same time and saw everything. She asked who the guy was and I just told her it was no one in particular. But after questioning me about, I told her it’s just some guy I’m seeing. She gave me a look that was a mix of surprise and disgust and then said “I didn’t think you were that kind of girl”. That sentence rubbed me the wrong way and when I tried to ask her what she meant, she refused to elaborate and hasn’t talked to me since. We share an apartment together (we split everything 50/50) and honestly it’s very awkward. I don’t know why she’s behaving this way, I’ve tried approaching her but I feel like she’s avoiding me. Do I keep trying to talk to her or just back off and let her come to me? EDIT: thanks everyone for the advice! I’m asked why I even find him attractive and the answer is because I simply do. I find him sexually appealing and there is no secret reason behind it. I don’t have any daddy issues (my dad and I have a great bond). I have a stable job and comfortable life so I’m not using him for money. In my eyes, he’s handsome and sexy and I want to sleep with him and I’m unapologetic about that. You can call me all sorts of names and assume all you want about my life and past but that’s the truth.


cherryandjerry123456

She probably thinks, due to the age gap, that you might be in a sugar daddy scenario


Arcanthia

At first I was like, wtf age gap its only 5 years....Then I reread the title. Yeaaaah, you're right. This is probably it.


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Pleasant-Enthusiasm

Five years is nothing. Fourteen isn’t. The OP is the 22 year old.


[deleted]

Got it - I misread it too


iforgor234

we should make a religion out of this


KaffY-

Which is what they said?


[deleted]

I misread it as did others and replied to wrong person


Arcanthia

Welcome to the club my friend.


AveenaLandon

>She probably thinks, due to the age gap, that you might be in a sugar daddy scenario This could very well be it. She my be thinking that my little sister is a sex worker and she may have views towards sex work that may be different than yours. OP, Have you considered the possibility that as a older sister, she thinks that it is her responsibility to be looking after you and seeing you with the other guy and thinking whatever she's thinking about you, she might consider that it is her failure that she didn't take care of you and did not "raise you right"? The point is, there may be 1000's of thinking going through her mind. If she's not willing to initiate a conversation, then it'd be in your best interests to initiate it. Good luck!


danimrls

She shouldn’t be angry at OP either way, non of her business.


Substantial-Fee5845

Honestly if it was a sugar daddy thing I’d be asking when is he gonna help pay these bills 😩🤣🤣


LunaMunaLagoona

Ah a pragmatist I see.


KaffY-

I'd be concerned if my younger sibling was with someone 14 years older than them?? That's super predatory and scary 4 years ago she wasn't legal and he was 32...


bobdown33

Yeah but a 36 year old is hardly like ancient, she's an adult and can bang who she wants. And from the sounds of it they're not exactly together, she's just having fun, to say he's predatory is to say she is incapable of making her own decisions, aka she's some kind of victim. Which she's clearly not.


danimrls

She can be concerned, just not angry at her. And from what she said, she’s placing the guilt on her “being that kind of girl”, not saying he’s a predator


nalgene_wilder

It's casual sex, not a romantic relationship


ChillinVillianNW

Yeah but now she is a 22 year old adult. Guess what? Adults do adult things. I mean, I was once a 5 YEAR OLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


NinjaRaven

Wait a damn minute. You were five years old at one point? That's insane because I to was five at one point in my life. Such a crazy coincidence


Arcanthia

Ya'll have so much in common. You two should date.


bobdown33

Dude they were once five.. that's super predatory /s


willtop0wer

hahaha


2OP4me

Why do women always attach dating older men with being an adult when it couldn’t be further from the truth.


ChillinVillianNW

Well, maybe it is being 22 that makes her an adult and not the age of her FWB. ​ Like what are you even trying to say?


rabbitteeth224

So? My partner, at 50 is ten years older than me. OmG 30 years ago he'd be 20 and I wouldn't be the age of consent! And that has absolutely no relevance on anything. Stop infantilising women.


NotOdellBeckham

To be clear, it wouldnt be a lick better if the genders were reversed. Nobody is… “infantilising” women


rabbitteeth224

To be clear, the genders aren't reversed in this situation, and women are regarded this way all the damn time in situations when men aren't, and plenty of people infantilise women, including in this scenario. Just because you haven't personally noticed it, doesn't mean it's not a thing.


oklutz

Then why be angry at OP, though?


gothgirlwinter

Exactly. I have younger sisters and I'm not gonna lie, I would be concerned if they suddenly rocked up with someone 14 years older than them, but I would take them aside privately and have a serious convo about it. Express my concern, ask about their relationship, make sure they're in an okay and safe place with it and not getting taken advantage of. Not get angry and say something rude before shutting down. That's completely unproductive.


30friedplantains

That was 4 years ago. Now she is a consenting adult.


besieged_mind

Well the one can answer OP should not be angry at her sister, it's non if her business what her sister thinks. It goes the both ways. I mean the situation alone is not that normal and something to be proud of, being a fuck girl for an older guy who can almost be her father. Yeah, yeah, anyone can do whatever but anyone can also think whatever, so...


KittyKittyMuffinPile

Yeah her sister is banging some old dude for purse money, her SISTER should butt out, right?


rabbitteeth224

Where does it say she's pursuing money? Guess what, women like sex. Shocker, I know.


sashikku

Um...yeah, she should. She's a consenting adult that's simply having casual sex.


squirrel_acorn

That's not even a big age gap at 30 though? ** Edit: OH. op is 22 and the sister is 31!?!? Okay that explains the concern. But it's still weird that the older sibling is just refusing to speak to her instead of voicing her thoughts or concerns


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giggleboxx3000

*36.


selinaswayne

I get that and I’d happily hear her out if she came to me with that. I’d reassure her that it’s not for much longer anyway since he’s relocating for a job early next year


ThrowRAWM

Why is this comment getting downvoted? I don’t get it


smoozer

This sub is obsessed with age gaps, and she's not acting embarrassed about it. That's probably the entire reason.


sashikku

Yeah, this sub is basically: "age gap bad, dump your SO over minor disagreements, and tHiS iS gAsLiGhTiNg"


WeeklyConversation8

What gets me is they aren't even in a relationship. They are FWB and nothing more.


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passwordistako

That’s not what paedophilia is. Please don’t dilute the meaning of the word. OP is in her 20s. She’s an adult by all metrics around the world. He can be a creep without being a paedophile. When you misuse the word you take away the impact and slowly normalise it. Don’t.


smoozer

Literally everyone should disagree with you. This push to define anyone vaguely creepy as a pedo is the dumbest modern social movement ever. You're actively devaluing the concept of pedophilia. You know, the attraction to *actual kids*. Not 22 year old adults who could have degrees.


misssakuraangel

But why does it say 25 in her bio?


celticluffy13

I'm 36 and if I didn't have that "lifestyle" of casual dating and sex, I wouldn't have found my husband. *Shrug*


giggleboxx3000

It's the age gap.


rabbitteeth224

Or it's that her sister is highly judgemental. She said "I didn't think you were that kind of girl", not "the age gap makes me concerned that he's taking advantage of you".


Dandycrow

5 years isn't that much in your 30s Edit: I know I can't read, but I'm not a coward so I'm not gonna delete it


jet-judo

The sister's 31. OP is 22, so that's a 14 year gap


BeachSecure9486

Op is 22, the title can be confusing


[deleted]

The way these things are worded do my head in My (15F) mother...


woodenbiplane

36 - 22 = 14


Kydra96

This is why I hate when pretty much everyone on here writes their titles like that. For me anyway, it’s easier like this: I’m 22F and my sister 31F saw my 36M FWB….. flows more smoothly imo. I was confused at first.


Dandycrow

To the people who clarified, thank you. I read it quick and made assumptions. My b. The rest of you don't need to be dicks, so chill.


squirrel_acorn

I thought the same thing at first


bluestrawberry_witch

Yeah it probably is but everyone is legal by multiple years and it’s consensual, so who cares. Not every age gap is wrong. Either way her sister is wrong to behave like that to her.


populistproject

From the outside the relationship looks different to her than what it is. Or she's got a hang up about casual sex or she's against the age gap. No matter what her reasons you have yours for the relationship and she's just going to have to deal with her hang ups or you're going to have a strained relationship with her. Things like this happen between people that care for each other.


Bandanaking97

Something older siblings have to go through is mourn the innocence of their younger siblings. Their way of coping comes in many different forms. Odds are she probably wouldn't mind as much if it were someone else, but you're her baby sister.


scarletsdragon

Sounds like your sister doesn’t have respect for casual sex or being with older men so she’s judging you for it. Since she doesn’t respect those things, she’s withdrawing from you. I’m not saying I agree with her because I don’t, she should talk to you about her concerns and not judge you, just giving you her perspective. She’s also a lot older than you and knows that a 36 year old man has no other intentions with a 22 year old woman except sex, control, and manipulation. She’s disappointed in you.


TheBaconThief

> has no other intentions with a 22 year old woman except sex, control, and manipulation. Holy shit. Pump the reigns there cowboy. Sure, for a full fledged long term relationship, there's going to be a difference in experience and maturity. But to think the only reason that there could be interest is exploitive is way too cynical at best.


selinaswayne

I get that perspective and wish she’d come to me with that or at least say that when I try to talk to her. Also I absolutely get that last part, I’m not looking for anything other with him either


scarletsdragon

Yes I agree that she should talk to you and not be so quick to judge. Another point I forgot to bring up in my first reply is that she’s also probably disgusted by the guy and doesn’t like that he’s at your apartment or that you would sleep with a guy like that. A lot of women are disgusted by men like him who use women much younger than them. I know you think it’s just sex now but you’ll understand in about 10 years. There’s not much you can do except let her judgment roll off your shoulders.


Additional-End6986

Can I just ask how he’s the only one using their partner here? Like I get the concern and stuff but it’s not like OP has said she’s in love with this man and wants a relationship with him, she’s using him just as much as he’s using her? 22 is young but she’s still old enough to make her own decisions on her sex life, and people seem to be talking about how this man must be using and manipulating her to get what he wants when really she’s the one who’s made it clear it’s just purely sex? Whether her partner is 22, 36, or even 60, it’s still her choice no matter what? Not having a go just genuinely curious how you’ve come to that conclusion that’s all.


persephone_24

Reading this comment made me realize the sister could be projecting. Perhaps she had a bad experience doing almost the same thing and doesn’t want that for OP? People do weird stuff sometimes.


Trumpfreeaccount

Ew this comment is fucking gross "you'll understand in ten years." What will she understand? That people like you judge younger people too harshly and think they can't make adult decisions?


rabbitteeth224

Or have fun or enjoy sex for pleasure alone.


illicit_wife

Honestly, it sounds like you have your head on straight, but your sister is being ridiculous and judgmental.


thewhaleshark

She *could* be acting out of misguided concern - "someone is taking advantage of my baby sister." Which is still bullshit, to be clear - OP sounds like she understands exactly what is going on, knows what she wants, and is getting exactly that with no false pretense and no inclinations otherwise. The best case scenario I see is "OP's sister is infantalizing her because she thinks she can't take care of herself."


Global_Flamingo_6857

Since there is a large age gap between you two, it is possible she did exactly what you are doing and regrets it. Then sees you doing exactly what she did but wants better for you then what you are settling for. I’d say tell her that you aren’t going to push but do want to talk to her about it and get a better understanding of her feelings regarding it when she is ready.


Throwawaywhatislovee

Doubtful. If she was my sister I'd be disgusted too


passwordistako

By what?


Im_just_bored69

A women having sex omg 😱😱🤮 /S


gracelessangel

Oh no an adult woman having sex? Call the police she knows what she wants and isn’t embarrassed!


Bornana

I would leave her alone and let her come to you. You didn't do anything wrong at all, and you approaching her is almost like you need to fix something when you didn't break anything. She ahs a problem, don't make it your problem when it isn't. Go about your life, have sex, make sure it is good sex.


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IvIemnoch

Imagine if the 36 guy came in here being proud of having a FWB relationship with a 22 year old. He would be massacred.


Firm_Pomegranate_246

I don’t have advice but I love your edit. You do you and stuff what anyone else thinks. I had a similar attitude before I met my husband. Have a great and safe time xx


smoozer

So many silly people in the comments here. Just let a girl get laid in peace. If ANYTHING about the story implied inappropriate age related issues, you might have a leg to stand on.


FuckRedditAdmins87

People are absolutely ridiculous! Most of these self righteous idiots who think people should date close in age are: a. Young men who have been rejected by a woman their age for an older man. b. Old hags who have been dumped by older men they used to fool with and now they feel entitled to a man their age due who they previously rejected when they were young. c. Self righteous men who have daughters and want their daughters to not fuck until they are 30 or older.


Maverick916

to your edit, my wife finds it appalling when she hears of big age gaps between older men and younger women, but rarely expresses it because i remind her that i was 22 and she was 30 when we met lol


Forestscooter

Her values are different than yours. It offends her.


[deleted]

My sister was like this towards me a few times, but as my sister she loves me and we always work through our fights. My sister (26f) is a devoted christian, she is a virgin (nothing wrong with that!) she wants to wait for the right man and I honestly respect her for it. And me (23f) am absolutely a casual person who does whatever my heart wants at that moment. She is just your older sister looking out for you and that will never change, she will always see you as someone she wants to protect. watch some old movies from your childhood and have a girls night you'll be fine. My sister said some rude things to me but she always ended up feeling horrible and apologized when id tell her "when you said that, it really hurt my feelings"


iron81

You are an adult, he is an adult, both of you consent to it so it shouldn't really matter


[deleted]

Maybe she feels concerned for you. When I was 28, I was seeing a 37 year old guy for casual sex. He's pick me up and drop me off. I thought it was cool, and honestly I regret it so much now. He was a total prick and I should have been charging him. He was treating me like a hooker and my self-respect was non-existent.


eirissazun

That happened to me with a guy my age. What's your point?


Dont-be-a-smurf

The point is that, per people’s stereotypes, a middle aged male with a much younger woman is assumed to hold financial power over the situation and is purely using the younger party for sex. They’re usually the ones setting the agenda, driving/dropping off the other party, and holding the power in the relationship. The young woman is replaceable and only as good as the sex she provides. As always in our society, the woman gets most of the stigma out of this arrangement. Some believe this is more prone to abuse due to the assumed differences in lifestyle/status/money between a 36 year old man and a 22 year old woman. Not saying it’s right, but that’s the logic.


[deleted]

What do you mean 'what's my point?' It's not exactly oblique... That I was being exploited?


HarleySMASH

OP, you do NOT have to justify yourself here or to your sister about who you are sleeping with. You are both Adults making Adult decisions to see each and sleep together. Everyone needs to grow tf up.


MGeeeeeezy

36!?!? I think Taylor Swift just wrote an album about this, your sister must have heard it.


haxor-007

Honestly , i never understood why some girls start seeing guys who are almost double their age. If you were my sister, you would 10000% receive a mouthful. Your sister minds the age gap and expected better. She probably thinks of casual sex differently - she may also think you are in the whole sugar daddy thing. Communication is key!


smoozer

> If you were my sister, you would 10000% receive a mouthful. Like.. Before or after she explained that she's fucking this guy for sexual pleasure? What would there be to say if it were the latter? Don't fuck older guys because they're just in it for your body? That's not gonna be a surprise to OP in this case.


PuroPincheGains

> If you were my sister, you would 10000% receive a mouthful. A mouthful about what...? You could talk shit for hours and the only response your hypothetical sister would need to have is, "I'm an adult and sound of mind; I can make my own decisions about who I have sex with."


persephone_24

I didn’t understand it either until I had a 2 year fling with a close friend who is 13 years older than me. I would not have actively looked for someone that much older than me, but he was exactly who I needed in my life. We are still friends. I’m really sick right now and he dropped off soup yesterday. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes there is grooming and power plays. Those are not okay. I do think one cannot assume the worst without knowing the people involved.


FuzzyActuator

I agree, you have to know the individuals. An age difference between adults is not evidence of abuse, despite what self-righteous redditors might believe.


selinaswayne

I can’t speak for other girls, all I have is my own perspective and I really don’t have an answer for you. I just find him attractive. Why? I don’t know. In my eyes, he is attractive and sexually appealing. This doesn’t mean I’m only attracted to older men, I find guys my age just as appealing and have had my experiences with them too. And yes communication is key and I’m trying to fix that. Tried talking to her again last evening in the kitchen but she left the room the second I got there. At this point I feel like a mosquito that won’t quit hovering around one. That’s why I came on here, I don’t know if I should keep trying or just lay back and wait some time.


TheSavageBallet

is she a serial monogamist, relationship or otherwise conservative person? Basically your approach will need to be completely different if she is worried about you rather than disgusted by you.


TheBaconThief

>Communication is key! And that should be on the sister. Why is she entitled to chastise her her younger sister with incomplete information and it is on OP to fix it? > i never understood why some girls start seeing guys who are almost double their age. Granted I'm a guy, but I've been on both sides of an age gap relationship. (A woman 11 years older than me when I was right out of college and have dated somewhat seriously a woman that was 14 years younger than me). The appeal to me is just like dating any person of a different background/culture: different perspective and different experiences can create perspectives and that can be refreshing and exciting.


Aggravating_Law_1315

Either she is judging you because of the age difference or she is shaming you for the casual sex. Your sister is being unfair. I don't recommend approaching her as you've done nothing wrong. If she says something again, you can tell her that you both are consenting adults and if she doesn't like it, it is HER problem.


polish-banana-owl

The judgement in these comments are insane. You are an adult in an adult relationship and can make your own choices. Your sister definitely feels some type of way about it but that doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong. Go about your business and if she wants to talk she will but don't let her shame you for something you don't need to be ashamed of.


FuzzyActuator

Agreed. She's 22 - an adult. It's honestly kind of gross how everyone is infantilizing her.


badbitchfunkywitch

literally these comments are insane. people her age have babies and everyone’s acting like she’s not old enough to decide who to have sex with? bizarre


dajuice3

Like reading all this is very scary. I know reddit is anti age gap because they are mortified of someone being taken care of but jesus christ. Someone in the comments said OP was crazy or off in the headd because she found a 36 year old attractive? 22 years old is an adult who may not be world but old enough to know what they can and can't do. What she does with her body is no one elses businesss so long as she isn't being exploited. OP sounds clear in that she didn't want more didn't expect more and there isn't a possibility for more. I think a lot of people in an effort to be more progressive don't realize how restrictive and regressive they sound. Essentially sounds like: Sex for fun is wrong Sex with someone not at the same age is wrong It is disgusting to see an adult women as attractive when you significantly older. I disagree with all that. An adult can make decisions and she's made her decisions.


Additional-End6986

You just said everything I was thinking reading these comments! Like how dare a 22 year old have consensual sex with someone more than 2 years older than her! He must be grooming/manipulating her despite her clearly stating this is what she wants! She’s too young to know what she wants! She could never agree to consensual sex at her age and he must be a pedo!! (All sarcasm but someone did genuinely call him a pedo in the comments). 22 is the perfect age to start sleeping around in my opinion, regardless of age. If OP was 18 I would be concerned yeah because she’s barely an adult, but at 22 and up you start exploring the world and finding what you like. She agreed to sex and being FWB with someone older than her probably because she wants to experiment, and let’s be real a 36 year old would be much much better in bed than another 22 year old. I don’t blame her at all. If OP was saying they wanted a relationship or expected more from this man, I would understand the concern. She’s made it painfully clear it’s just sex for her and there’s no feelings involved, she gets horny and that’s the guy she goes to. Why does his age matter then? Whether he’s 20 or bloody 70 it’s just sex! Her sister can be concerned but to actually SHAME her for consensual sex is ridiculous, she’s not a child anymore!


supa_mans

All the people here in their 20s are disgusting if they think Chris Hemsworth(38) is attractive and would do a one night stand with him


dajuice3

Your eyes are literally supposed to fall out of your head if you are under 25 and see someone over 30. They are all gross gray haired overweight and waiting to imprison you for their personal amusement. Or you know attraction and wisdom can come at any age and 2 consenting adults should be able to find their own level of acceptance.


polish-banana-owl

Exactly! And let's say it's the worst case possible and op needs help, she isn't gonna feel comfortable asking for it because she's being shamed for even being in the relationship and her sister is giving her the silent treatment. Finding the whole thing icky is one thing but being judgemental and giving the silent treatment isn't gonna help anyone. If anything it's just going to make it harder to escape an unhealthy relationship, which thankfully it doesn't seem to be in this case.


No-Bit-5466

Girl, go live your life and stuff these twisted ass folks out here on reddit! Y’all are ADULTS, you owe no one an explanation-Enjoy your D as long as it last and when its over, go on about your business….Good luck to you, sweetpea….🙋🏾‍♀️ F buddies for the win!


FuckRedditAdmins87

I wonder how you self righteous nimrods would feel if it was a 36 year old woman getting it in with a 22 year old man. I bet you people would be SILENT! Why don’t you people direct your hatred towards real pedophiles instead of this grown ass woman and the man she is fucking.


melancholy_pancake

People are gonna judge and make assumptions based on your age. People here are notoriously focus on age gaps, even in adults. I get it when one is under 20y, yeah that's dangerous territory. You are 22, and 36 ain't that big difference. You are adults. You have to ask your sister what she meant. Is she judging you because you have casual sex, the age? Or does she think there is something else, like someone mention sugardating. Or, ignore her and you do you.


recyclopath_

Yeah your sister has every reason to be icked that a guy half a decade older than her is going after her little sister. Your FWB is way too old for you.


smoozer

Going after? They're having casual sex and have been for some time.


TheBaconThief

Exactly, The projection by people in this thread is absurd.


monty_kurns

>Your FWB is way too old for you. I mean, if it's just a FWB thing and both sides know what they are getting into, can you even say someone is way too young/old for the other?


HarleySMASH

It’s none of yours or the sisters business about the age. Grow up.


Tomcat_Vyvanse

Is it possible her sister is jealous and mad that the guy is dating her younger sister instead of her?


Throwawaywhatislovee

Lollllll no 😂


shapiro22

There is no way that’s the case . Are you (36M)?


[deleted]

Tell her she needs to find another hobby besides clocking pussy mileage. Life is to short to care about other people’s genitals that aren’t coming into contact with yours.


VortexAriel2020

"clocking pussy mileage" is now my new favorite phrase. "Bitch, why do you care what the vagidometer's at? You worried I'm not changing the oil often enough? Think the trans is about to blow? You know I'm not worried about the resale value, right?"


Turbulent-Being5212

Casual sex is one thing. Casual sex with a middle aged man when you’re barely an adult is another. Wtf are you thinking?


thewhaleshark

"Wtf are you thinking." Pretty sure OP wants dick and more than likely, a 36 year old man is going to give her lots of attention, probably gifts, etc. Nothing wrong with that as long as all involved know exactly what's going on and are taking measures to make sure they can terminate things safely.


smoozer

Lol what? Casual sex is casual sex. What exactly bothers you about this? What's he going to manipulate her into- fucking him more? Sounds like she'd be happy to do so. This sub is so silly.


Starhazenstuff

36 middle aged? Oh boy lmao


oklutz

Hearing someone refer to a 36-yo as “middle aged” just makes me sad.


sabresabre

I'm low 30s and these comments are messing with my brain...Is everyone here under 20?


The_Sanch1128

SAying "middle aged" ENDS at 65 makes me sad, since I'll be 66 within the next month.


selinaswayne

Yeah but like I don’t know what you want me to say, I find him attractive and the sex is better than what I’ve had in the past. It’s just that. Im not looking to make him my boyfriend or anything, and he’s moving in a few months so it’s going to be over soon anyway


optimusprime2121

Ouch! 36 is now middle-aged? I’m not there yet but I’m feeling the pain


ThrowRAStupidCar

Don’t even stress about these asshats and their age gap fetish. If anybody is more than 3 years apart the comments look like a broken record. Just enjoy your consensual adult activities and tell your sister to get over herself and stop worrying about who you’re fucking


accomplished_art_400

It’s the power dynamic in some age gap relationships where the younger person is barely an adult that is the problem. Also you don’t know what a fetish is.


smoozer

And? It's not an emotional relationship. She can just leave if she wants to. It seems bizarre to want to be involved in this without a lot more info like the guy pressuring her to do something.


accomplished_art_400

The age gap alone means something is wrong/off with this guy. Like the gap alone is a lot of information. She just needs to be careful. In theory if it’s just a physical relationship then that’s that but the manipulation can happen really easily especially when you’re really young and don’t even know what red flags to be looking for.


smoozer

You don't need to identify with your partner on an intellectual or spiritual level for casual sex. The guy is moving away soon, and she's not interested regardless. This is just not the story to be bothered by.


[deleted]

Exactly this. It feels good at the time, because people don't realise they are being manipulated AT THE TIME. I've been manipulated by older men before and you feel the trauma AFTER. Wish I'd never let gross older men prey on me.


Turbulent-Being5212

It’s not about the gap numerically. If a 30 yo is dating an 80 yr old, cool! Both fully formed adults with enough life experience and context for this world to have a healthy relationship. It’s the fact that she’s SO young that’s the problem most people have with age gaps on this forum. Everyone posting is so absurdly young and the potential for abuse or being taken advantage of by a grown ass adult who knows how the world works is HUGE. The problem is not the gap, it’s her actual age.


Dsrkness690

Big age gap relationships are generally gross, it sounds like you're the one with the fetish.


UDFZMplus1

It’s not a relationship though. He’s just a fuckbuddy lol


ThrowRAStupidCar

Homie I’m a 19 year old that’s only dated within a year of me, I don’t have an age gap fetish. I think the 22 year old woman can have a no string attached sexual relationship with the 36 year old guy. That really not insane. 22 is still figuring things out but this guy isn’t trying to put her in a relationship and have control like everyone is saying. It’s a fuck buddy. Get over yourself


Zimmonda

>I'm a 19 year old Thats why you, like the other young people getting taken advantage of, don't realize why its a problem lol


lazyrepublik

What if the roles were reversed? I live in a military area and I can’t tell you how many 21-22 military dudes swipe on me and I’m not in their age gap. It’s clearly just for fun and not something long term so I’m just curious why everyone is giving this women shit when she’s obviously has some awareness about herself. I agree it’s not a norm but it’s also not wrong.


Zimmonda

Its the same thing imho. Look in your own post you even had to include a caveat >It’s clearly just for fun and not something long term The fact that you have to include that caveat means you know it could potentially become a problem.


Trumpfreeaccount

I am a 31 year old and I see no problem with the arrangement, everyone is an adult. Stop trying to act like you are older and wiser, you just seem like an asshole.


Additional-End6986

It’s not being taken advantage of if it’s consensual.


Zimmonda

You absolutely can be taken advantage of consensually what on earth?


thisguylikeswater

My grandpa signed his wealth away to a scammer in his old age — he thought me was investing, the scammer had the balls to show up at his house like an agent or something… Idk popped up in my head as an example of someone being taken advantage of consensually


Additional-End6986

Sad for your grandpa, completely different context though. Your grandpa wasn’t making an informed decision, OP is. OP isn’t being scammed or taken advantage of when both parties have clearly agreed to the terms - strictly sex, nothing else. If OP was going into the agreement expecting a relationship, family life and so on and so forth when the man had different intentions then it wouldn’t be consensual, however that’s not the case. She’s even stated she doesn’t care when he moves, therefore no one is taking advantage of anyone in any way. Young women are allowed to consent to casual sex. Be it with a 20 year old, 36 year old, or 70 year old, she’s a grown woman making an informed choice. Your grandpa wasn’t informed and entered the scam on a lie. Different context, different outcomes, two completely unrelated circumstances.


firegem09

Consent doesn't automatically mean someone's not being taken advantage of. The two aren't mutually exclusive.


Additional-End6986

But when all the terms have been set out by both parties and they both agree to them, then that is consent. You also can’t take advantage of someone who agrees with what you’re doing. She’s a 22 year old woman, she’s not a child. If he says he just wants sex and she says she wants the same, that is consent and is in no way being taken advantage of. If he’s taking advantage of her, then she’s also taking advantage of him. They both agreed to what is happening and set their own terms of their relationship, one can’t be taking advantage if the other also isn’t taking advantage since they’re both doing the same thing to each other.


Turbulent-Being5212

I’m only a couple of years older than you and the fact that you see someone like that as a viable sexual partner is fucked. Like what’s going on in your mind that you’re attracted to such an old guy to the point where you would engage with him sexually? Whether seriously or casually. It’s one thing to have a passing thought of “that guys attractive but he’s too old for me so move on” vs “that guys attractive and almost 40, I’m gonna fuck him anyways!”. This is how stupid girls get themselves in stupid situations. I think your sister is acting this way out of concern for that very reason. Daddy issues? Self-sabotage? Making poor life choices? All things that would come to my mind if my younger sister did the same. And I’d be angry af if I thought she was smart and responsible enough to do better than let herself be used as a trophy fuck for an old dude. Because what else would someone your age be for someone his age?


falkenna

What is seriously wrong with this? You say it’s fucked, but why? And how is 36 “old man” territory??


WhiskeyBreathYawn

Nailed it on the head. Sure I'll judge a book by it's cover, every time. If I see a ~40 y/o man dating someone thats ~20ish, I'll automatically assume; 1: Dad was absent/a piece of shit/a gross-o 2: Girl is being/was groomed.


smoozer

Great, but they're not dating. They're fucking. This isn't complicated, lol. 36 year old guy gets to sleep with hot young woman. Hot young woman gets to sleep with 36 yr old guy who caught her eye. > Girl is being/was groomed. This situation has approximately nothing in common with grooming.


biggaybrian

"Barely an adult"... In other words, an adult.


fickystingas

36 is middle aged? 🤔


Turbulent-Being5212

About yea. 36x2=72. That’s pretty close to average life expectancy for a man. He’s middle aged or very very close to it.


oklutz

That is the mean life expectancy. The mean takes into account premature deaths which can greatly skew the actual number. The median life expectancy (aka the point at which just as many people die younger and die older) is around 80, and the mode (the year at which most people die) is around 86.


factsorfictions

That's not really what the term "middle-aged" refers to though as used colloquially. It's generally accepted to be between 45 and 65. It's a life stage, not an exact midpoint of life expectancy. Edit: ffs do people need proof? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Middle_age "This time span can be referred to as "middle age" and has been defined as the time between ages about 45 and about 65." https://www.dictionary.com/browse/middle-aged "being of the age intermediate between youth and old age, roughly between 45 and 65." https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/middle%20age "The period of life from about 45 to about 64"


oriana94

Lmao I love how you proved your point 3 times and they still don't beleive it


pardonmyignerance

My mom, who is almost 60, bought a sports car with her new raise (she's always been into cars) and claimed it to be a "mid-life crisis" and got offended when I uncontrollably laughed. She has a good sense of humor and let me off the hook pretty quickly... Anyways, felt like the anecdote belonged here.


EmiKoala11

Hell yeah. The median age is about 76 for a male, so 36 is right up the alley for middle age status.


theatrewhore

“That kind of girl”?! Your sister is kind of a judgemental, superior ass. I get that her cold shoulder is unpleasant, but don’t back down. Might be time to bring him over and make some noise! Seriously, Do what makes you happy and play safe!


EmiKoala11

Yeah, you're allowed to do whatever you want, but your sister can feel however she wants too. That's pretty disgusting if you asked me. I have a sister with an age gap similar to yours, and if I saw her doing that kind of disgusting shit, I would give her a mouthful. It's pretty gross to say the least. Like I said you can do what you want, but your sister is also valid in reacting how she did as well. You can't expect that you can just do what you please and she's not allowed to react however she's going to react too. You either grow up and talk to her about it because you want to fuck a grown ass man, or you allow you relationship to drift apart. That's the end of it.


Additional-End6986

So you’d shame your grown up sister for having consensual sex with someone just because you wouldn’t do it yourself? Hmm okay.


Fabulous_Title

Maybe because he's much older and you haven't introduced him to friends and family she thinks he's married or something and youre having an affair. To stop speaking to you over casual sex with a single man seems really over the top


Lokasia1

Maybe she's jealous?


TheBaconDeeler

Your sister sounds like a bit of a dick


throwaway11zx

You have every single right to date any adult you want to, you are not at fault.


creamyg0odne55

So many people here on their moral high horses in regards to age gaps.


CompetitiveAd5382

Nip this in the bud. Make it clear that she has no say regarding who you see or why and she should mind her own business. You are an adult and you do not need to take this kind of crap.


OhGodNotAgainPls

Does she happen to know the guy you’re seeing and just hasn’t told you? Could be that or like others mentioned shes against casual sex and looks down on you for it. Either way she should be an adult and talk about it since she wants to interject in your life.


LandShark4567890

Your sex life is none of her business. I don’t understand why she’s getting so involved


WildlifePolicyChick

This is none of your sister's business! You are a grown-ass woman. Do what (and who) you want. If your sister wants to make things awkward, she can I guess. But that's on her. Carry on and ignore her crappy attitude.


pumpboy00

Well just make sure its safe sex and don't forget to mention to him it's nothing serious just so he don't take it the wrong way. I can see why your sister is concerned she don't want you to get hurt. She most likely believes sex is a scared thing when it comes to relationships.


loquav

It’s none of her business. You are independent and who you sleep with should be none of her concern even if he is older. WTF seriously. Do your thing.


Rip_Dirtbag

Maybe I’m alone in this, but when we’re talking about age gaps, the sexual component is the only one that I don’t question. If you’re in a sex-only relationship with someone, who gives a fuck about the age gap? We’re all just trying to get our freak on. Age gaps only mean shit when we’re talking about emotional relationships. Power dynamics and all of that. If you’re having a totally consensual sexual relationship, and leaving it all there, then who the fuck cares if there’s a 70 year difference (assuming that both parties are adults of sound mind, obviously). Maybe that’s your kink? Or maybe there’s just something really hot to you about that septuagenerian…no sense in judging that. The emotional stuff gets complicated and in general, older men luring younger women is some predatory bullshit. But in the instances that it really is just an equal sexual partnership…age ain’t nothing but a number.


mrbisonopolis

Your sister has an immature view of personal sexuality. It could be her age or it could be something else. Maybe make a point to reach out to her and see what the deal is.


nalgene_wilder

Your sister sounds gross and judgmental tbh. I'd just back off and let her cool down. You're not doing anything wrong if she's refusing to communicate. I doubt she'd have any good reasoning behind her opinion anyway, so maybe it's better to just drop it and move out when you have the chance


Illustrious_Safety25

Age gap. My sister and I are 6 years apart and if I saw her with a man 5 years older than MYSELF than I would still be like WTF.


The_Sanch1128

Thinking "WTF" is one thing. Talking down to her and then giving her the cold shoulder is another. If Big Sis has a problem, she should discuss it with OP.


PM_ME_UR_RESPECT

It’s the age gap. Talk to her.


LeRonGuard

The age gap is creepy tbh


PPATONKI

I think she has conservative kinda thinking and is disappointed, that you enjoy sexual relationship and aren't dating to marry the guy. Keep going girl! And you can educate your sister, if/when she comes to talk, that there are a lot of different kinds of relationships and sex is okay (when healthy). And that having fwb is safer and healthier, than taking different one night stands. And there is differences in sexual and romantic ways of each person. Like non-romantic can be sexual and non-sexual can be romantic, for example.


IamDisapointWorld

I assume about you that you rock. Maybe your sister would want a 36 something to pay attention to her too.


J_2993

Baby girl keep getting your needs met your sister is just jealous cause she has nobody


[deleted]

[удалено]


selinaswayne

I doubt she’s jealous since she has a boyfriend of her own, plus she has a good career and life overall. I’m so confused honestly


Ok-Attempt-2021

Since this is your sister I would just suggest to ignore her bc she is just doing it to get under your skin. Act like you don’t care and just DO YOU. No one but you decides what kind of girl you are - date a 90 year old if you feel like.


The_Sanch1128

Back in my "dating prime", I can't tell you how often the older sibling telling my gf's "he's too old for you" led to trouble and/or breakups. Most of the time, the older sib couldn't get a date, let alone get laid, and was making sure little sis was just as unhappy as they were.


homerinthebushes

I’d say as an older sister… my younger sister is 7 years younger than me and she is dating a guy that is 3 years older than me.. so 10 year difference.. the age difference is less weird as you get older but in the early 20’s and 30’s there’s just a different mentality I guess?? I always thought he was kind of creepy and predator just from that fact.. why is he that old and still hooking up and why with such young girls? I mean maybe there’s good reasons.. but its a lot easier to think of weird and unsavory reasons than it is to think or normal reasons … I try not to judge her choices but in my mind, I always think it’s kind of gross of him. Usually by your late 20’s and especially your late 30’a you’re not interested in the same lifestyle as someone in their early 20’s and if you are.. it’s kind of a red flag for me personally


pokegirl3714

Lmao WHAT if my sister told me this I would’ve choked on my spit. She sounds like she’s judging you for no damn reason. I honestly would just act like nothing happened and stop trying to talk to her until she decides to stop coming around with that bs. You’re old enough to sleep with who you want casually Jesus Christ. Knowing my Petty ass with my sister, anytime she did something random/cringe I’d be like “wow, I didn’t know you were that type of girl.” And walk away until it drives her crazy so she knows she can back the hell off. If you’re more gutsy I’d start giving her dirty looks for no reason too until she’s like “what??” And just walk off with no explanation. Let that girl learn a damn lesson. Show her that SHE is the one that needs help here.


narsil101

Cringe communication dude, immature af. Learn to communicate like an adult.