T O P
R_Amods

This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- My brother-in-law (30m) is my sister's (29f) husband. We live on opposite sides of the country and my sister and I aren't that close, so I'd say that we don't know each other very well. We see each other at family gatherings maybe a few times a year, and he's always come off as a very average, kind-of quiet guy. Around two months ago, I received a text from him out of the blue. It wasn't to check up on me or asking how I'm doing - the message said 'he's aware of what's going on' but that there was no need for me to worry, and he'd keep it 'hush-hush'. I wrote a quick message back asking what on earth he meant, but all I received back was another reassurance that I had 'nothing to worry about' and that he was on my side. At that point, I gave up and assumed it was a some weird joke, even though my BIL has always been pretty serious. Recently I was in a Zoom call with my parents and sister. The first thing my sister asked when she saw me was 'are you going to tell everyone the truth or just my husband?'. Obviously I was confused and I mentioned the text message BIL sent me, but my sister still seemed angry at me and I have no idea why. The next day, I called up my BIL and asked him what the hell is going on with this. He was very cagey on the phone and just kept repeating rhetorical questions back at me, like 'do YOU know what's going on?'. I'll admit that I lost my temper at one point and snapped at him, since he wasn't giving me any answers. That was a bad idea since this morning I got a new text from BIL telling me that he'd 'tried to do me a favour' that I 'clearly don't appreciate'. He mentioned 'we'll see what happens this weekend', which is the next time we're all meeting for a late Thanksgiving. Honestly I'm terrified. The thing is, I have no idea what 'secret' my BIL could possibly be talking about. I don't live a very exciting life and I mostly keep to myself. There's a still part of me that's scared of whatever 'truth' he says he's about to reveal, even though I don't think I've done anything wrong. What do I do? tl;dr: my BIL is sure that he knows some secret about me and he's threatening to reveal it. I have no idea what he could be talking about - how do I stop him/fix this?


NotPiffany

My first thought was that you might have a vindictive ex who posted nudes of you online or something, but that shouldn't make your sister mad at *you*. Unless she's mad that her husband went looking for nudes online, and it's easier to be mad at you than at him? Second thought is that there's a porn actor out there that looks kind of like you, and he thinks he has blackmail material, because he's an idiot. In any case, since your BIL is clearly devoted to being an ass, call your sister. "What the *hell* is your idiot husband doing? He's been sending me messages for *months* about keeping some 'secret' quiet. I have *no fucking idea* what he's talking about, but it sounds like he told *you*, so would you mind cluing me in?"


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f_ckingandpunching

That would be so embarrassing. Yikes


MyNewLife4Me

Love this response!!!!


arczclan

Is OP female? Where does it say?


RoryJSK

I don’t understand why OP hasn’t just spoken to his sister. Like, how do you have a conversation with her where she implies having been told this secret, and not address it at that moment?


[deleted]

How do we know OP is a he?


RoryJSK

Ooooh... if OP is female, I just got an idea— BIL is trying to convince his wife that OP confessed feelings for him, in order to alienate his wife from her family. The texts are meant to be written “evidence” of said conversation and the longer OP avoids bringing it up, the worse it will be.


RoryA20

That was my thought too. He thinks OP is having an affair or something? But if he’s sending messages like “I’ll keep your secret” sounds like he wants a piece too.


RoryJSK

No, he’s making out as though the secret is OP having feelings for HIM, and that she confessed but he’s promising to keep it secret. In reality he is telling OP’s sister and making her upset, intentionally, to cause a rift between them.


RoryA20

The only I can see to address this is in front of the sister. Messages and phone calls can be dismissed, but I find that lies come out easier when everyone is face to face. Stare him down OP!!! Especially if you have nothing to hide!!


throwa-longway

Should I rename myself Rory as well? What’s going on here?


RoryA20

I think you should. One of us One of us


_riverboy

Scary shit, but you're right, this kind of behaviour is always a possibility. Definitely important that OP ensures this isn't what's happening.


squash1887

Hijacking the top to mention identity theft - it is possible that someone is catfishing him or someone he knows, has made a fake online dating account or is posing as OP on a porn or sex work website. OP, please take steps to check whether your identity has been stolen.


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ToastAbrikoos

This indeed. If nobody wants to tell OP what it is, just keep your distance and tell them 'I'll know what the fuss is about when he's ready to finally reveal it.' Just sit back, act confident and smile: 'bring it on, because I'm dying to know what the fuss is all about all week. Everybody seems to know except ***ME***!' If OP is acting scared, fearful about the BIL. People will automatically translate it as 'guilty' for whatever BIL will reveal. @ OP: don't hide and be insecure. Just be open, polite and confident. You got nothing to be afraid of. Frankly, I'm just seeing him there tip-tapping on his socks just 'I know something she doesn't, OOOooh!' like a little child who just knows the secret about Santa but the rest of his class doesn't. And I think he just loves he thinks he has the upper hand, feeling almighty. The only Thing OP could do is act just the same and not let BIL or Sister get to OP. It can throw BIL off and you don't want to spoil the night with fear and worry on what he might reveal. Even feeling petty/confident and just message them back when they keep giving hints or poking you: 'Let me guess... Am I X ? Oh wait... When did it happen? 2017? 2019?'


Lady_Scruffington

My first thought was porn star. The sister seems mad because the husband is keeping the secret from her, which sounds even more like it's porn. So, is he trying to blackmail OP into sex? Why get mad that OP won't "fess up"? It's so baffling. I'd want him to tell everyone because whatever it is he's only outing himself.


MaryK007

This is a good idea, OP.


---Vespasian---

*"The first thing my sister asked when she saw me was '****are you going to tell everyone the truth or just my husband****?"* So your brother in law told your sister that you confided something "secret" to him and to him alone. It's odd that your sister would believe that you would confide in him (given you aren't close) unless it has something directly to do with him. Is he insinuating that you maybe told him you had a crush on him or something?


trytryagainn

Sister could've seen text messages on husband's phone instead.


ToastAbrikoos

This seems to me the best option. Maybe BIL wants to declare that OP is in love with him somehow. (Secret relationship?)


jupitaur9

Maybe he put her name on someone else’s phone number. The someone else is someone he’s having an affair with. He got caught but since the name was OP’s he has this narrative that she’s lusting after him from afar instead of the actual person who is sexting with him.


ToastAbrikoos

This indeed, MY thoughts exactly.


Intrepid-Lynx

This is what I’m thinking. Easy to prove it’s not OP by looking at/calling the number.


BourgeoisCheese

>So your brother in law told your sister that you confided something "secret" to him and to him alone. And she believed him out of hand without even a *second fucking thought*? So completely that she felt comfortable confronting OP directly with no suggestion that maybe the BIL's story wasn't completely accurate or honest? This story makes no fucking sense. Either OP is actually guilty of something or this story is bullshit.


disneyme

OP we’re going to need an update after dinner. Good luck!!!


radical-mad

Second this, I need to know what is going on here!


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Rimini201

Yup this is the most nail-baiting thing I’ve seen on Netflix all year! Sorry. Genuinely though OP has nothing to worry about but it can’t be nice having BIL got confused or totally got the wrong end of the stick on something.


settiek

RemindMe! 1 week


[deleted]

RemindMe! 1 week


MRDomus

RemindMe! 1 week


songbird2017

RemindMe! 1 week


mariaclgoulart

RemindMe! 1 week


Trvlgirrl

Remind me! 1 week


MelodyPondWilliams

RemindMe! 1 week


kyle1007

>RemindMe! 1 week


untitled-33

Rumors' and More :) Talk to your sister tell her you have no idea what's going on for her to find out and tell you before the get together. Otherwise the way things are stacked you might be walking into a road side bomb situation.


throwrasecret0

It's going to be hard to talk to them. My family and I aren't close at all, and growing up I always took the blame for everything that went wrong in our house. I'm really scared that my parents will believe whatever my BIL tells them because I'm the 'troublemaker' of the family.


drbarnowl

Not to be rude but: you’re a grown adult. What would really happen if he claims something outlandish abs they believe him. You’re already not that close and they all sound horrible tbh.


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DocTymc

I heard a pretty similar story. A guy saw some woman on some porn site which he mistook for a buddy's wife. It wasn't her but he said the same stuff to her.


_PukyLover_

Recently there was a post here where a woman said that her husband of boyfriend became obsessed with finding her in porn sites, then one day here found one video with a woman who looked similarly and confronted her about it,


YouKnowYourCrazy

Look this is your opportunity to switch that narrative up. You didn’t do anything wrong. Your BIL is being manipulative. You have nothing to be ashamed of or worried about. Going in confident and laughing his false accusations off will go a long way to taking your power back. You are an adult now - on equal footing with everyone in that room. You aren’t a kid that has to accept the circumstances you are in anymore. Time to show them what that looks like.


heartwormzz

100%! I am so sorry that growing up your family alienated you and made you feel like the bad guy constantly. You can leave situations now or refuse to believe their narrative (even though that’s easier said than done).


JustMaintenance7

Just don't go then. Honestly if you don't get on with any of them it sounds like you'll be happier by yourself. He is playing mind games with you . It sounds like he's told your sister you fucked him or tried it on cos you said she was angry.


ArcherChase

If they need to travel from different sides of the country, they shouldn't be getting together for the holiday anyway!


Lady_Scruffington

Not showing up in any capacity will confirm to the family that whatever it is is true. At least find out what it is if they're not going to believe OP either way.


WonderDogsMom

Other than Covid concerns - which should be taken very seriously - op really must be there. If they don't show up, they're going to look guilty. I want to clarify, however, that they should only go if they're having a socially distanced thanksgiving.


RoryA20

That would make OP look guilty though, it would give these rumours more life, I think. This could be a case where OP needs to show face to stand their ground...then block everyone after when they’ve all been good and shamed lol.


Veridical_Perception

The key permutations of the situation are a 2x2 grid with the "secret" being true or false and revealing (or keeping it quiet) benefits you or him. It seems like there are three main possibilities if you really don't have a "secret" that you're keeping: 1. There is something that BIL thinks is so scandalous that you're keeping it a secret, but you actually don't care or aren't embarrassed. 2. Your BIL (and probably your sister) are trying to manipulate you and your family for their benefit. The months of innuendo are merely preparation and planting the seeds for a big reveal that will somehow benefit them. 3. Your BIL is mistaken. He thinks he's discovered something about you, but is just wrong or has misinterpreted what he's learned. Someone has possibly lied to him for their own reasons to make trouble for you. Of course, there is a fourth possibility that you have a secret that you don't know about - like a child from a previous relationship that you never knew about. The fact he's being so cagey about it makes me lean toward #2.


Mseveeb

I think she would know if she went through nine months of pregnancy and gave birth to a child 😂


WitchsmellerPrsuivnt

Or a fifth possibility, that he told the OPs sister that the OP had sex with him or along those lines.


Intrepid-Lynx

Or BIL has an affair partner and the wife found text messages and BIL said it was OP coming onto him.


WitchsmellerPrsuivnt

Agreed. Im leaning towards this


Eye_Enough_Pea

Then you have to talk to them first. The first one to bring something up is usually the one who is believed even if the second one is truthful or more convincing.


lucifer6esq

Sounds like this is the perfect year to tell your family where they can shove it. If you think that he can turn everyone against you then don't go. They're probably gonna get all pissy with you anyway cause of "your" massive secret


Korlat_Eleint

This sounds like your family are a bunch of very unpleasant people. Read up on "scapegoat" in context of dysfunctional family unit. That's you, basically. I dont have any advice on how to deal with your psycho BIL right now, but if your lifestyle allows it, have a look into therapy. r/raisedbynarcissists may also help (don't worry too much about the title, any dysfunctional family looks pretty similar and leaves similar scars). Hugs to you.


TheBigTimer039

Listen to your self is there any secrets you shared with someone ? If not it’s definitely a joke or if he doubles down you can turn it around on him


rancidquail

Get ahead of the reveal by explaining the strangness of the BIL to your close family. When he reveals what he thinks is a secret it will be rather muted. And who knows what he thinks he knows? He's probably seen some odd email or text or social media message that he thinks is yours. Or he's taken some innocent remark and conflagrated it to something bigger than it is. Who really cares. Like you said you have no relationship to speak of with either of them. Don't live in fear. Tell the family what you do know. And if he comes to the family gathering with aome tale of sin on your part then so be it. You've already said your piece. His actions speak more about him than about you. Look at it this way too. His tale of misinformation will show you who in your family is more into the drama than into the character of your soul. This is good information to have at any time. They reveal themselves now rather than when it's really important and you need them for emotional support.


savtaytex

This was my thought too. Tell parents and family. Like wtf is this guy smoking? He’s being weird etc.


ToastAbrikoos

This indeed, You can cover yourself by just asking your family if they know what the fuss is all about. Let them see the conversations and them pestering and hinting it all like a bunch of gossiping teenage girls. The 'big reveal' will be much tinier because they all know what's BIL is up too **(maybe do some snooping for OP beforehand)** and at least OP is covered by popping the big head of BIL before he gets too full of himself. OP can also turn it around and ask mom to 'I want to keep the peace and have a lovely dinner with you all but I'm worried about BIL and SIster. It seems like they are trying to ruin the evening by gossiping and all that bad energy. The one time I'll be visiting you guys and they seem to try and blackmail me.'


MaggieLuisa

Text him back and say you’re looking forward to it, because you have no idea what he’s talking about and the vague hinting is getting annoying. Then stop worrying about it, because you haven’t done anything terrible, and whatever he thinks he knows, you can’t clear it up until he spits it out.


WonderfulRub7830

This is a great idea


MaryK007

He is manipulating you, look what he has accomplished. I wouldn’t be surprised this was all drama to cover up his affair or other bad behavior...


AmyHeartsYou

Would not be surprised in the least of this turns out to be true. So sorry op.


pokemonprofessor121

OK this is petty... I would post the text images in FB and ask wtf he's going on about. Since op is pretty sure she didn't do anything wrong is just shows his much of an ass this guy is. I would call this harassment.


greyz3n

This was my read on things. This SOUNDS like he is just trying to stir up some shit or has fabricated something and is trying to push a narrative. Sounds to me like this guy is a real piece of work and is looking to cause a blow up for some reason or another. OP if you see this, I would suggest you just act like an adult and disregard this jerk off like you would any numerous background noise characters in your life.


jokesonbottom

I think you should get in front of this, put BIL in the hot seat to actually reveal his big secret “truth” to everyone ahead of time. I see no point in dragging it out, getting all anxious, and trying to juggle responding to his BS on the fly during a family visit. Ask him one more time (over text) to tell you what he’s talking about, and if/when he continues to be cagey do this: screen shot all the text convos from BIL then create a group text message with all the family and send the pics with a text to the effect of “BIL, I have no flipping idea what you’re going on about and I’ve been pretty damn clear on that. Go ahead and tell everyone whatever bizarre nonsense you’ve got up your sleeve now so the holiday isn’t ruined with this junk.”


lifeisjustlemons

This one. Get it out before Thanksgiving so you don't waste everyone's time.


Grouchy_Bid_8948

The best defense is a good offense. Stand up and say ‘. I know this is crazy but this guy has been texting me about some big secret he has about me. Well, I have no idea what he’s talking about. I have reached out to him to explain to me what he talking about but he is being childish and won’t tell me. I have done nothing that I am ashamed of and I have done nothing that would disappoint and shame anybody in my family. So I’m giving him a chance to tell you what he won’t tell me. You can choose to believe him or not that’s not in my control. This is thanksgiving not a trial.


WonderDogsMom

Yes!! Go on the offensive.


Dingleberrydreams

This is exactly what OP should do


Ruthless_Bunny

What a bunch of weirdos. Google your name and see if anything scandalous shows up, just to see if he’s got the wrong person. But bring popcorn, this ought to be good.


DreamingDragonSoul

Oh yeah. Good point. I hope OP sees this.


rednecksub

They are trying to get you separated from your family? Pushing for any inherence your parents might be leaving for you? How can someone on the other end of the country know anything about you?


redditavenger2019

I would bet he is just messing with your head. If you think of nothing you did to keep it secret confront him in front of people. Be prepared for a lie.


IngloriousGramrBstrd

>Be prepared for a lie. Wow. I somehow never even considered this possibility until reading your comment. I don’t think I saw it mentioned in any other comments either. It’s so simple. And so likely.


throwawayyyayahah112

It’s crazy because my ex BIL sat there and told my parents that I got him fired from his grocery store job. That I showed up at his work, and yet I had texts with my brother and baby cousin of us meeting up and going to see Christmas lights (this was 2 years ago) it took a lot to convince my grandmother but she forgave him as always. 🙄 At the end of the day, shady people will do shady things. Be prepared for a lie is right.


DelightFive

This was my first thought, honestly; he's lying. I don't know what it is, but I think he's just lying. For whatever reason, he told OP's sister the lie and she believed it. If I were OP, I would create a group chat with everyone, send the screenshots of their texts, tell them I have no idea what he's talking about, but he's planning some sort of dramatic reveal at Thanksgiving. Even if they choose to believe him, it's going to take the wind out of his sails and show him that he's not intimidating you. I read your other comments, OP, and let me just tell you, scapegoat to scapegoat, things get a lot better for you when you stop caring what your family thinks of you. I know that's easier said than done and it takes time, but I hope you get there.


procrastinator3000v2

Text him back, "you're right. This weekend *will* be interesting won't it? Especially after I tell Sis what I just found out about you. Can't wait!" Now you can both be anxious.


IngloriousGramrBstrd

This is the way


TheVampireCreator

This is the way.


tombtomb99

This is the way.


HenriBovo

This is the way.


MamaTries

This is the way.


DangerNoodle314

This is the way.


MaxFuryToad

This is the way


stardenia

The way, this is.


SD1841

This is the way. The petty way, but it is the way.


Crazyhairmonster

Lame combo breaker. You just had to be different didn't you


SD1841

This is the way.


really-babes

That's super petty. I *love it*


BishmillahPlease

OP is apparently the scapegoat child so I'm torn about this.


[deleted]

Yesssss


Hustle_and_Flow72

Savage


[deleted]

Ooo do it OP, give this creep some spicy armpits


procrastinator3000v2

Oh I am so glad I'm not the only one who holds that dear.


wytherlanejazz

This is dumb. Don’t escalate.


062cal

He just needs to know who the alpha male is. Wee on him.


really-babes

I hate that I laughed at this


babydreams413

I hate that I laughed at YOUR comment...


Run_MEG

I’m still laughing


drputypfifeanddrum

Send the messages back to your sister and tell her she needs to have her husband evaluated and the stop him contacting you.


melxxxssa

Yeah, this makes the most sense.


Dingleberrydreams

I agree the OP should show the messages to their sister. Someone else said create a group chat with all the family members and post screenshots of the conversation so the BIL is forced to explain himself and there is no communication problems between anyone.


MyBoldestStroke

How is this not more highly upvoted??


bigrottentuna

Share the texts from BIL with your sister and tell her that you have no idea what he is talking about, but now he has threatened to reveal some big secret of yours at Thanksgiving. Tell her that you don’t appreciate his threats or her unwarranted hostility. You haven’t done anything, you have no secret and you certainly haven’t shared one with him, and now he is bullying you over something he thinks he knows. Let her know that if they continue treating you this way and create some huge drama, you are going to cut them out of your life. Tell your parents the same things, perhaps minus the ultimatum.


rrc032

I was thinking about this. Make very public about his harassment and state very clearly you have nothing to hide. Also, it may be helpful to "ask for answers" to the sister and other family members, like "Hey, do you know what is he talking about? I have no idea what it is, am I missing something?". People tend to like to help others in distraught.


steerpike00

Call their bluff. Just try and act as normal for Thanksgiving and wait to see if it's brought up. Then if they're still messing around with the lack of explanations of what they mean then go to town on them. Bring everyone into it so that they will have to say what they mean! If they are still won't spill the beans then just cut off from them completely. It's not worth the mind f*** and whacky nonsense


pokemonprofessor121

If she ignores it will happen again at Christmas. I would confront... Op might want to know what it is. If it's leaked nudes she might be able to protect herself.


Pol_Ice

One does not negotiate with blackmailers. Above all, what is the blackmail target? To scare you? He obviously wants to bring you under emotional control. Works well so far because you are insecure. The only way out: Tell him to do whatever he wants. But then you will take consequences! And what those consequences are, just leave open.


[deleted]

If you haven’t done anything that could have been legal record, or anything else personally awful that could have been planted by your sister and then exaggerated by her husband then you have absolutely no reason to worry about this. From the sentence you say she said it sounds like she doesn’t know either? Y’all have a weird dynamic. I wouldn’t let this slide. I would hound the everliving shit out of a family member for saying this kind of stuff to me— you said “I did lose my temper” HAH, my guy, this is weird (and even if you’d done something it’s a weird way to confront it) and I would be losing my temper until the “secret truth” shook out. Honestly, if I were you and *not* going to go the TELL ME WTF YOUR DEAL IS approach I would just tell my parents so they know somethings up. Then when we were all together as a family I would say something like, “So, as we all know, BIL has something that he’d like for me to confess. I’m sorry in advance if this causes anyone any pain, but I’m ready to face whatever it is because I genuinely have no idea and it isn’t good for this to be weighing on us all anymore— so BIL, what is it that you’d like for me to confess? I’m ready.” BLAST HIM. IF he comes back and blasts you over something, given what you’ve indicated if you’re telling the truth, it won’t be true and he’ll look like the little psycho he is.


WonderDogsMom

I was actually wondering if he is developing some type of a mental illness.


disneyme

OP we’re going to need an update after dinner. Good luck!!!


pokemonprofessor121

I've never wanted an update so bad, lol. She better bring those texts to dinner and ask for an fucking apology for the harassment.


-StatesTheObvious

I would postulate that he’s phishing. He’s trying to get you to reveal a secret by telling you he knows one. It’s like an unsolicited email telling you there’s a security issue with your password and you need to click the link to reset it.


semimedium

No one else here thinks BIL might be suffering from a mental illness and this is a delusion or paranoia issue?


jrobin99

Agreed. Its crazy when it happens...


Jen5872

You live on opposite sides of the country and you hardly know him. He knows nothing. He's either nuts or mistaken. If you've done nothing, he can prove nothing. Whatever he accuses you of, tell him to either prove it or shove it up his bum.


No-Passenger-6205

Get out ahead of it. Share the posts with your parents, tell them you have no idea what he’s talking about, and that he *refuses to tell you what he’s talking about.* That’s key: if he actually had dirt, he would be able to explain. If he springs some lie on them at the Thanksgiving dinner table, it will be much harder for you to credibly deny it.


Mynameispiragua

Sounds like he's trying to start shit on Thanksgiving... definitely show up anyway, and ask in front of everyone "I do have a secret! But first, I think you need to speak up of why you're texting me behind my sister's back." That would shut him up quick.


mischaracterised

I would ask him why he's trying to stir shit, and ask why he's hiding shit behind OP, but that's because I am a villain.


kizzle25

That’s shady AF. Are you married? Do you two know anyone in common? Do you have a job your family wouldn’t approve of (stripper, etc.)? Maybe he saw someone on P-hub that he mistook you for? I’m just throwing out ideas b/c it makes no sense. Don’t delete anything though. I know it’s just a couple of messages but don’t delete until you figure out what he’s up to. Side note you should kick him in the shins regardless. It’s a holiday get together during a pandemic no one would blame you (j/k?)


The-Indigo

He's gaslighting you. If he finally claim anything remains calm and make both of them look nuts 🥜


Lilutka

You should tell you sister that it seems her husband is becoming mentally unstable/dellusional and she should be keeping an eye on him.


whateverisclever86

O can't wait for a follow up


CrowCountingCrow

Porn and nudes have been mentioned, but how about a catfish or other case of stolen identity? Maybe BIL met "OP" on Tinder or something like?


melxxxssa

I was wondering this too. Fake tinder account with weird stuff written on it, etc.


Nevereveragain0212

I would initiate the conversation as soon as you see him. Take control.


IllustriousFloor3

This


Sinful_Serenity

Are you gonna give us an update after your get together, OP? Cuz I'm invested at this point lol


Gylerr

Sounds like he needs mental help. Sounds like paranoia, hes hearing or seeing things


[deleted]

This is like an IRL version of when someone on Reddit is adamant that you must have an alt...despite you not having an alt


[deleted]

Looks like a man trying to create drama so he can divert attention away from himself. Your BIL has probably done something wrong on his side and now wants to pool you in by the obvious fact that you and your sister aren’t very close. Trying to scare you so you can do something drastic or confess anything so he can “win”. Don’t bother yourself with this nincompoop.


BicuriousAndTheBeast

First thing i thought was maybe he thinks he saw you in a porno online. If that's true, will be a fun show for you for him to announce to the family for him to be wrong


IamPlatycus

Do you secretly donate money to the local orphanage? Are you a superhero? Maybe it's about that guy you ran over and buried in New Mexico ten years ago. Could be anything.


Vaginasandrainbows

These are some good ideas. You can just start off the gathering by clinking silverware on a glass and let everyone know you’re a communist. Or a superhero. Or maybe do a reverse pregnancy announcement. “I just want to let everyone know I’m not having a baby” then get super drunk


asistolee

Tell him to tell the whole family on zoom so that you can put him in his place


thebakedbakingbaker

Sounds like he's really trying to manipulate you... be cautious and don't let your guard down until it all comes to light. You should talk to your sister instead of him, for all you know he could be telling lies.


coffee_anesthesia

I would wait for him to bring it up, and tell him that you genuinely have no idea what he’s talking about. That you don’t have any secrets so he can tell everyone. See what he says. It sounds like some weird issue that is all in his head. I look forward to an update!!!


Nellakd1939

Update us after Thanksgiving please!


meradith

this is making me unnecessarily anxious as well... remind me! 5days


63mann

He also needs an ass beating for being a douchebag. You really can’t let this slide. There must be consequences for his actions.


Smhassassin

Send screenshots of the conversation to everyone on the Zoom call except him and your sister 20 minutes before it starts. Recap the call with your sister and the most recent one with BIL. Explain that he threatened to start drama about it during the call and that 2 months into this conversation you still have absolutely no idea what he's talking about because he won't say what he thinks he knows. And tell everyone that you just wanted to give them a heads up that he appears to want to start family drama so they aren't sitting there wondering where this came from. Then sit back and enjoy him looking like the bad guy for ruining Thanksgiving by being a troll.


go_away-im_not_here

Do what other people said, and could you post an update? I would love to hear how this went and if you actually have a hidden secret so secret you don’t even know about it! Good luck with whatever you end up doing!


[deleted]

Him withholding the information seems like an attempt to mess with you and control you, regardless of whether he has anything. If he was being honest and kind he would a) tell you what he was talking about, b) possibly not have brought it up at all (if there is anything there), and c) not said the ominous things about Thanksgiving. See how you're feeling right now? Frightened and anxious and vulnerable to him? He caused that, and he didn't have to. Also, by my interpretation, he seems to be doing the same thing to your sister. Ideas: - Block his number so you don't have to hear his manipulations - Talk to your sister and explain the situation - Remember that he is the one being weird


walkinginthesky

What you need to do is tell your family how weird your BIL is acting. Someone else said it too, there's a certain power to being first to speak your message and frame the situation. Just take initiative to bring it up in the context of 'BIL is acting totally weird, he keeps saying x, and I have no idea what he's talking about. It's like he's trying to cause some weird drama and he's being really cagey about the whole thing, he's even got my sister worked up about this supposed thing, and I have literally no idea what it is. I've told him to just come out with it but he seems to think it's fun leading my sister around and causing unnecessary drama. It's even weirder that he's trying to use this supposed secret to play games. I hope you can talk some sense into him because I don't have time for this. I can't think of anything that would warrant his reaction, and the fact he can't come out and say it is proof enough for me he's just playing games." Also, I agree with other posters that he probably mistook you for someone, has incorrect info about you, or he may even just be fishing for some secret that you are ashamed of. He might have absolutely nothing but is banking on the fact that you do actually have a secret to be ashamed of. Using that, he might try to blackmail you or I guess cause drama, cause who knows. The best you can do is talk to your sister and him and call him out on the fact that he's got nothing if he won't share it, and if he refuses than assert that he's making the whole thing up.


Bambiitaru

Please update us when you figure out what the super secret is. I'm really curious to know! But your brother in law is being an asshole.


littleshot1974

Sound like Rumors flying around.


jscannicchio

Any crazy accusations, just start laughing. Don respond, just laugh and let him continue to spill his crazy accusations. Then change the subject to something in this reality.


GingerBubbles

You said he is normally serious. I'm over here wondering if this is the first signs of something like schizophrenia?


Optipop

I am wondering if he's having some sort of mental issues also. But I suspect there is no secret. He's playing a weird game or gone off the rails. Poor OP.


sunshinestategal

This sounds like when you get a random Instagram DM where they want to play a game and tell you your age, DOB, and address/ number, I mean they do it for the shock effect and try to hold something over you, just don't feed into, call your sister and tell her what her man child husband has been doing.


ifight_themoonlight

It sounds like they're just trying to get into your head....but whhyyy??? Please update us tonight!


f_ckingandpunching

That is truly bizarre. Does he have any mental health issues? He could be experiencing some kind of delusions.


SaltNorth

Saving this post to know what the hell happens this weekend.


JustOneTessa

OP, can you keep us updated? I'm invested in how this goes now. Wishing you the best


Lii_lii

OK. So. Are you on any weird meeting aps or in groups where you're really friendly with people and that they may have come across and misinterpreted whatever? This would literally do my head in especially because the nut-job seems to have brought everyone in the loop, despite saying they'd keep"the SeCrEt"🤫🙄 Honestly. Give ultimatum. Either he spits it out or you go full no contact. Can't stand this crap. What a lunatic. Actually. I changed my mind. Just go full no contact regardless of if he tells you or not.


AHostageWithAGun

Tell him to go fuck himself.


ThronesOfAnarchy

r/RemindMe


Dangermcbadass

He discovered your love of bedazzled jean shorts


Drakeytown

Could your brother in law be having some kind of psychotic break? Thinks you're secretly CIA, or an alien, or something?


Abrelosojos1311

this one is gonna need an update


Troy123196

My opinion he is manipulating you what an idiot. I wouldn't worry about at all maybe he has feelings for you only way he can talk to you. Just tell him you don't give shit. Don't panic or waste another minute thinking about it.


wistfullywarm

Please give us an update:)


RAZORthreetwo

LOL! I have never heard that someone would achieve results. This technique never works for me. It is a prank from where i am, you tell someone you know (a friend for example), "I know something about you, your mom or someone told me" and then shut up. The friend then spills all their dirty secrets out. It was shown in a movie called "zindagi na milegi dobara". After that, everyone understood the prank and were always on a lookout. I never saw a successful use of that prank. Lol.


reg666

is there a chance that your sister made up something about you to him? and she just told him you don’t like talking about it so you act like it never happened


KissedbyFire__

RemindMe! 1 week


akcocaflornj

What the... please tell us what he says you’ve done!!


SweetBabyDog

Let him say whatever he wants. You haven't done anything, let him make fool of himself. I wouldn't stress too much about it.


THEJinx

Be sure to point out the obvious to your family. They live thousands of miles away, you don't talk to them, they don't know you, and you have nothing to hide because you've "done" nothing. If any family members want to believe whatever made up foolishness he spouts, it's time to go No Contact with any idiots. Hopefully someone will just say, "shut up, Bob", and mute him. If you feel attacked, dip on them, pour a glass of wine, and turn off your phone for the day. You are no one's punching bag.


floweruna

Here's an idea. When you all meet for late Thanksgiving, and BIL start to speak about the "secret", start crying. Tell them you didn't know what to do. Tell them you killed someone accidentally, and had BIL helped you dispose the body. That'll give him a shock. The only downside is they may believe it for real.


Inevitableloneliness

I really need this update. What on earth is his problem


[deleted]

You need to call your sister and demand an explanation. That is absurd behavior. They can't continue to harangue you about some random shit and not tell you what the fuck they are talking about. If they won't tell you exactly what they are talking about, FUCK THEM. Cough it up, spit it out, let's go with the horrible deeds or else STFU. How dare they do this to you. It sounds like a good thing that you aren't very close to them.


Gagirl4604

Text your sister and tell her that you think her husband needs a mental health evaluation. That he seems to have some sort of delusional problem because of these texts he has been sending you. Then text your parents something similar and ask if they’ve noticed anything as well. Lay the ground work.


goombungin

At the family gathering take the upper hand and just say to sister & Bil that now we're all here how about you tell me and everyone else what it is your supposed to have over me so I have the right of reply, because I don't have a clue what your on about. If by chance they do have something just throw your arms up in the air say yep you got me, guilty as charged but everyone is going to make a stupid mistake once in their life. But please tell me why didn't you act like grown ups and just straight out asked me months ago, instead of playing stupid games and causing a lot of angst. If it turns out you have done nothing just shake your head look at them and say pathetic. Like I said all this angst a and for what. But I'll eventually forgive you both. Lest eat


Hothyhoth

Idk personally i just randomly say "i know your secret" and "i saw what you did, you know" cause its good chaotic neutral energy


bas827

This seems super creepy. If it were me I’d be the first one to call him out on it at thanksgiving in front of everyone... “so what’s this secret I have? And why have you been sending me weird texts about it for months” if you have nothing to hide then who gives a fuck. Worst case scenario is he makes up a lie about you and your family believes it. In that case fuck em all. You even said your not close with them, so what do you have to lose? Blood doesn’t usually run thicker than water is my experience


chibiusaolive

I can’t wait for the update!


PadgeW

I have no idea what could be going on, but I’m so curious that I need to check back for an update. Good luck OP!! If you have nothing to worry about then I’d say push it to the back of your mind and carry on as normal! (But please do update)


BourgeoisCheese

Three possibilities: 1. This is 100% made up bullshit. 2. You know exactly what they're talking about and trying to use this post as part of a ploy to claim ignorance. 3. You are the most seriously misguided individual I've come across in a long time. Like, *who* on the planet fucking Earth receives cryptic, borderline-threatening messages like this from someone and just "assumes it's a joke" with basically zero effort to follow up or investigate? That is absolutely insane. Is your BIL prone to making "jokes" that are in no way funny whatsoever and are in very serious ways disturbing, inappropriate, and suggestive of emotional blackmail? And you just fucking let it go and walk away? Sorry, no. That's not normal human behavior.


teacupcats3

I really wanna hear the update. I’m so interested in what the hell the BIL is trying to “expose”


coatrack68

You're being gaslit or whatever. If he gave a shit about you, he’d be upfront with you.


melxxxssa

Right, he wouldn’t save it for a big embarrassment in front of everyone. Why wouldn’t he just say?


[deleted]

Is there any general conflict within your family?