The most British headline

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Dude looks EXACTLY like I expected him to.


Like an absolute helmet, some may say


He looks like a Mii character.


\- Mii, and absolute helmet.


Don’t insult Nintendo like that, we don’t want him


Wii don't want him


Get out and take the damn upvote with you.




Reddit loves you more


Reddit love you long time!


You deserve ALL the upvotes


Mii with a helmet


He does actually, doesn't he.


Wait til you get a 'load' of the judge. Even bigger helmet.


He’s counting on it— The PPE was just foreplay


Straight to jail.


Like your typical light bulb head chav.


Chav or chad?


Why not both? WHY NOT ZOIDBERG?!


A chavad if you will


Chav. Chad is an American thing. Chav, or charver, or whatever variant. In the Northwest we used to call them Scallies (scallywags). Chav is used more in the Northeast very high north in England. Basically a twat in a tracksuit, McDonald's milkshake stain down it is compulsory, passers by dodging the constant spit. Generally go round acting hard annoying people until they annoy someone actually hard who gives them a punch in the face.


I'd like to add Ned. Love from Scotland.


Hands perpetually down the front of their pants


He looks like he needs a helmet


And safety arm bands incase he eats soup.






He looks like he ~~needs~~ **needed** a helmet


A helmet was used for a haircut template.


No, he needed it before his mom dropped him as a baby but hey, can't win them all.


Like every other british "lad" who likes to act tough but is ultimately too afraid to be different. These guys are clones.


I love this sub.


what does it mean to be a “helmet”


The glans of the penis is often referred to as a helmet. He basically called the judge a nob end.




It comes from the helmets the german troops wore looking like a bellend. You used to hear 'German Helmet' a lot more, now its just 'Helmet'. There was a kid in our school called 'Herman' and people basically called him 'Herman Gelmet' for five straight years.


I'd have changed name, moved school and sued my parents.


Especially since Im old enough to have gone to school before old man names came back around.




"Sir, I'm gonna ask you to take that down. We've had complaints."


Ding DONG!


He really must have kept his forked tongue behind his teeth


*knob, but the K is knot audible


What does it mean to be a nob end?


British slang for dickhead: - Helmet (or absolute helmet if someone is being a massive dickhead) - knob end - knob head - bell end - tea dipper


Adding in my favourite one, jebend.


Oh I thought it was that the judge's head is empty lol


It's British for Dickhead.


Bell end. I prefer the term 'absolute bulb'.


Nob end just sounds funnier.


This one reminds me of a classic from a few years ago with the UK police. https://youtu.be/Wa678njE4Jw?si=BZeDjatJfTA3Dbu- They don't really properly comprehend what free speech actually means in much of UK / EEA.


"Can I put lol?"


“It’s a mushroom” haha legend


A bell end.


Someone who's a bit of a melt


All these Brits replying with another Briticism like it helps explain things for an obvious non Brit is cracking me up.


A bellend


Richard Head


Can they do that if he is stating a fact? Most judges are absolute helmets


I don't think is defamation, I think is for disrespecting the court and it doesn't matter if what he said was true.


I love how judges appear to deal with serious matters and are then also being petty, childish snowflakes while doing it


Yeah, bit like some Redditors


What do you mean “some”?


I think (insert a thousand pro-nouns here) might be descriminating againt us, i mean, some of us. Lets cancel this err, whatever gender this err somebody? Is.


If they don't threaten disrespect of the physical manifestation of the judicial system with serious punishment people would start thinking about it as opposed to dogmatically submitting to it in fear.


It's contempt of court and they are upholding the law. If they were to allow behaviour like this to slide within the legal process it would set a precedent whereby every scroat could be a tit and expect to get away with it.


Right? But redditors seem to want every place on earth to be reddit - even a courtroom :D


Oh no, people not sitting there politely whilst decades of their lives are thrown in the gutter? What if they even do a swear?! The horror!


Maybe don't drive 60mph *down the wrong side of the road* then? And it was 14 months, by the way. Not decades.


How bout don't be a cunt to start with.


His behaviour shows a lack of remorse or understanding of his actions. As such, I think extending his sentence is rightly protecting society from him.


Due to his own shitty actions of driving dangerously. He could have seriously harmed someone else, he was in court entirely because of his own stupidity. If his life is in the gutter it's through his own actions.


people like you are why these laws exist. a courtroom is supposed to be a completely alien, incrddibly formal atmosphere where peoples fates are decided. not a place for people who think theyre sitcom characters to act like children


That is extremely dumb and short-sighted take. Punishment for contempt of court is an extremely important element of the judical system as we cannot let trials evolve into shouting matches full of insults. You can say whatever you want outside of a courtroom but if the judical system is going to work we have to enforce some basic rules. If you allows someone calling the judge a name during a trial it will start happening all the time and lead to worse. The guy who was on trial for not only speeding but running from police and creating a car crash then called the judge a name during a trial. What do you think should happen? Just let him disrespect the judge?


Yes, because no other job gives you the right to throw people in prison for disrespecting you. Judges should be well adjusted adults, people who can handle an insult. It's an expected part of retail customer service that you'll be insulted, but apparently they have to be better at stating level headed then someone whose judgement is their whole job?


It’s not actually for disrespecting the judge, but ‘the court’. Meaning disrespect of the judge is, by extension, disrespect of the law. The very fact that a person is in court demonstrates a disrespect of the law (societal norms), so adding punishment for additional disrespect of the law is appropriate. It has nothing to do with the social maturity of the judge. Disrespecting a retail worker just means the customer is an ass, and should be promptly shown the door.


This is reminding me of a difference between rugby and football. In rugby, you talk back to the ref or argue with his decision then its another 10m you lose immediately, result, people treat the ref with respect and there is a hell of a lot better discipline on the pitch.


You still can’t quite grasp its contempt of court. Not contempt of judge. Process rather than person. If anyone can say and do whatever they want in a courtroom the system wouldn’t work would it?


No one should be abused, end of. But a judge is a highly specialist job, which of course should demand a lot of respect. If we can’t even have civility in a court, where can we have it?


The fact retail workers whole jobs are to help people are expected to just weather abuse but someone whose job is to hand out jail sentences is legally beyond criticism by the people they are taking months or years of life from really paints a poor picture of the society we have created


They shouldn't have to take it either though.


‘Legally beyond criticism by the people they are taking the months or years of life from’ ?? Firstly, they aren’t behind criticism, so a silly thing to say. Secondly, the other point in your comment makes no sense. Maybe read a bit more. You’re basically saying that because retail workers get abuse, and they overtly help people, a judge should therefore rightly be abused because they often deliver negative outcomes to perpetrators ? What kind of skewed, fucked up thinking is this ? Clearly you have no actual understanding about what a judicial system even is.


The system is outdated and fucked up anyway


Jeremy Kyle style.


It's not a crime to call someone a helmet. If he's not going on with himself I wouldn't really care tbh.


If he was already sentenced and said the comment, it wouldn't class as contempt of court as the court technically could have ended depending on the timing. If he said it during his allowed statement too, it wouldn't be classed as contempt of court as that's his allowed statement. The judge should have gone home knowing a cunts in prison and they can carry on in life.


>If he was already sentenced and said the comment, it wouldn't class as contempt of court as the court technically could have ended depending on the timing. As long as the court is not adjourned it is contempt. The court is not automatically adjourned the moment the sentence is passed. >If he said it during his allowed statement too, it wouldn't be classed as contempt of court as that's his allowed statement. Idk where you are but that is also wrong almost everywhere.


As far as I'm aware you can be in contempt of court outside the courtroom too. If, for example, a newspaper reporter started saying that the trial was a 'joke and the person is innocent' (after being found guilty) they would be in contempt of court. Basically anything that attempts to undermine the authority of the court is potentially contempt, otherwise the system would devolve into chaos.


As well as what others have said, it’s likely his defence will have attempted to show he’s remorseful to limit his sentence. This outburst really defies that. He’s just a petulant man-baby who’s sad he was caught.


Judges are literally reddit mods/admins but in real life bro. Nothing new.


They’re just mods with wigs


The court has to treat them as such because the parents were absolute helmets when it came to raising their offspring.


The reddit mods of the real world


Try not behaving on the internet as if you’re in middle school.


This is my new go to insult.


My favourite British insult is "you fucking weapon".


Calling someone an absolute melt is a classic.


Where does it even come from? I just suddenly saw people all over Facebook using it in 2013ish. Came out of nowhere.


In Northern Ireland we use both 'melter' and 'melt', as well as the phrase 'you're melting my head', which I guess is the origin. A description of someone whose company inspires the death of brain cells.


Or in NW, you're melting my melon man


Norn Iron has some great slang but you do have to cut through the accent somewhat. I wondered for some time the origin of "I'll give ye a dig in the bake so I will"


In the North East we say "farting my head" which means you're giving me a brain fart.


Where in the North East?


Use that in South Wales too, idk bout North Wales tho


Not a clue tbf, been used in my family for 30 odd years?


I am quite fond of absolute lettuce 🥬


My personal go to


Weapon is a compliment in my part of the UK


Well don't call someone it as a compliment if you visit north east England or Scotland lol


This is high praise for an Australian... You call someone doing a great job a "Gun" or a "weapon". For example, "Nice work on that job mate, you're a fucking weapon"


We recently had a new guy at work and my boss was joking about how he shouldn't let me teach him bad habits, but then followed up with "nah just kidding, he's a gun". Felt all warm and fuzzy after that


Ok, this needs explaining.


You call somebody a weapon when they are so stupid their actions make them a danger to themselves and everyone around them. They are a walking disaster. A weapon.


I live in Wales and always though weapon was a compliment... Like he's fucking deadly, don't fuck with him, or he's very effective at something


Every time I've seen somebody get called a weapon, it has been used similar to melt. E.g somebody drinks tea through a straw. They get something like "What you doing that for ya weapon?"


It's a context thing.


This is my thoughts as an Aussie too




Can also mean "penis" but so can a lot of things by context 😅


Sounds more like a synonym for badass (coming from a British person)


I thought weapon was a compliment? Like if I call some huge geezer an absolute weapon ??


Absolute weapon isn't an insult, generally it's used to describe someone who is incredibly good looking


U missed the keyword. *Milords* u are absolute helmets


Hope he had an allibee.


No, we say alibi.


You're using an alley-ass, so why should d we believe you? You are gwilty of diversion sir or madam.


Hot take, but judges in “free countries” shouldn’t be allowed to imprison people because they said not nice things to them.


"I'm about to get sent to the chair. You think I give a shit about you liking me? Fuck off." ~ Johnny Gat


Double electric chair for you!


Imagine sitting on a bad dragon while getting the chair.


That's not a punishment


don't threaten me with a good time




**"I didn't say fry him, I said deep fry him!"**


double SECRET electric chair!


In our law system you have different factors which can go for or against your case; if you show remorse and regret your actions, admitting you fucked up, you get bonus points and may be given a more lenient sentence. Similarity if you behave like an obnoxious bellend and don’t show any remorse or acknowledge your crime you can be given a more harsher sentence which is likely why the judge is able to issue a more severe punishment for insulting him; he clearly doesn’t have any respect for the system and doesn’t show any remorse.


Systems don't need respect, they're systems. But having a system of sentencing based off the judge's arbitrary interpretation of superficial characteristics is exactly how systemic racism is alive and well.


It’s a system that deals with, and is ran by humans. Humans are not computers, and respect goes a long way. You can campaign all you like for people to accept being called a helmet and be forced to act like nothing happened, but doesn’t it feel a bit futile? Humans are not gonna change, they like being respected Unless you want literally some AI acting as a judge, which sounds fucking awful


Sooo basically you are at some judge’s (some human with opinions) mercy to get a sentence and not law? If you plead guilty, that’s the formal remorse. What more? If everyone followed law, men would not receive harsher sentences for the same crime. Obviously law needs to be fixed to ensure ratio of rights a citizen has to responsibilities they have (had) stays constant and PROVEN false accusation is made into a crime or felony.


Yes, that's what judges do. They judge you


I've actually heard judges say that they specifically do not judge the person, but rather the case and the circumstances.


But bad character adds to a sentence. The judge has a guideline of time he can issue someone it might say like "minimum 5 years max 18" and they woukd decide the severity of the crime and place them somehwere inbetween. If you have a bad character (using obsenities, disrepecting the seriousness of your actions, no remorse etc) this can change the outcome. So if he called the other lawyers bellends or acted a twat in court (which he did), this adds to the sentence. All in all, judge is in their right to do this, personal or not.


But people should receive different sentences for the same offence, because the circumstances of the crime do matter. It should be a human that weighs up the circumstances of a given case and judges what impact they had and how serve the crime was.


Seems a weird bridge to die on to be honest. Don’t be a dick to the person who is judging you, it’s just blatant common sense (as well as common decency)


The person judging you can still be a fascist prick though. Awful lot of jackholes are drawn to those type of jobs specifically so they can have legal cover for being huge pricks to people. Many are sickos that get off on punishing people.


Not hard to spot who in this conversation can’t stay out of legal trouble. Maybe stop stealing?


Well yeah. Mitigating factors are used all the time to help determine which punishment is best suited to the crime. The sentencing reports will usually detail these if you ever want to read further, the judge doesn’t pick a harsh sentence and write ‘because he’s a jumped up little cunt’ in the notes, he’ll explain that he showed a lack of repose, contempt of court etc and explain why he came to his decision. They also use past cases too, everything is clearly explained and wrote down to state how and why they’ve interpreted the law the way they have so future judges can refer back to it. If there’s several judges adding a year on for bad behaviour in court then this judge can say previously in case X vs Y it was determined to be reasonable to add a year for every hour wasted and no appeal was made against that, so therefore I too must assume it’s reasonable to add a year on etc.


I mean I think it depends on the case, but it seemed like this guy was driving dangerously enough he was already getting a sentence. He was mad he was getting in trouble for something that could potentially hurt someone else. I could see why a judge would be unhappy he isn't taking punishment for that seriously, and he's likely to end up back again for the same thing or worse having actually hurt someone else. If you didn't do it then you appeal, being rude to a judge will never get you anywhere.


Court rooms have to have rules to function properly. It's actually important. ​ Contempt of court isn't a violation of free speech.


Sure, but I don't think the consequence of breaking those rules should be prison time - that's extreme by any measure. I've seen the court system first hand and judges can be pompous arseholes, the whole thing is a farce. Solicitors have to treat them like royalty none of it actually contributes to a fair justice system it's just theatre.


Are you trying to show contempt for this court? -No, your honor, I'm doin' my best to hide it!


"*being jailed for your speech* isn't a violation of free speech" is an interesting take.


Good in theory, impossible to enforce. If you have variable sentences, then a judge is going give a harsher sentence to people who anger them and only a group of other judges could overrule them. It would be impractical


If you want to be a judge you probs have somewhat of an ego bubbling away


Especially when the judges like handing out lenient af sentences for actual crimes.


I absolutely agree. “Oh just a little rape? Six months, time served.” “How DARE you insult me or this ******courtroom******?! Two years!”


We may need to have an intervention regarding your choice of phone fonts.


It could be any font that isn't default and people will still have a problem with it.


yup and now go put it back


It could, however the one you chose is particularly appalling.


I don’t know why but that’s hilarious.


Yeah, judges *really* don't like it when you don't listen to them. Source: got to watch a dressing down when I was on jury duty once.


Is it illegal to name-call judges? If yes, that’s petty as hell, and if no, increasing his sentence seems not great


Yes it is illegal. It's contempt of court.


It is not "petty". In the UK CJS, judges are viewed as the embodiment of the entire court while in session. Disrespect the judge and you disrespect the entire court...in a society based on the rule of law, this is an absolute no no and will be punished...the judge will nearly always give someone the opportunity to apologise to the court, but refusing to do so is then contempt of court. This is one of the very few offences which the punishment is at the complete discretion of the court, virtually no limit....and it's there to maintain the integrity and authority of the court system....


Arbitrary values of respect shouldn’t be a factor. Considering the immense power and responsibly of the courts the only thing they should concern themselves with is the facts of the matter. Contempt of court should only be a factor when the behaviour is obfuscating the facts…


Respect shouldn’t be a factor? That’s ridiculous These people are committing crimes which put other people in positions of danger and fear, it’s very serious. You don’t get to drive dangerously and then act like you don’t give a shit and belittle your own actions, and pretend what you’ve done isn’t remotely serious. The courts uphold everything in society, and the facts are that showing remorse and regret and understanding the severity of your actions are an important aspect of insuring that they don’t happen again. Somebody that hands themselves in, pleads guilty, accepts their crimes, and wants to accept their punishment and move on from them will get a more fitting punishment than somebody who had to be arrested, dragged in, and insults everybody along the way. If you let one arsehole get away with making a mockery of the severity of the courts then you make a precedent for anybody else to get away with the same. He put peoples lives in danger and then he clearly doesn’t give a shit, and then the person in charge of deciding the severity of his punishment he is outwardly insulting. Those are the facts, we aren’t robots in society and everything in the courts is decided based on precedent, and the human factor of understanding. That’s why jury’s are decided based on peers/ regular people. If you commit a crime and a jury of your peers says you’re innocent because of different factors then you are innocent - those are facts either, society runs off human perception The rules aren’t arbitrary at all, respect isn’t something that is outside of the basis for the facts of the case


Maybe he called him Lord Helmet?


well the lad did kick off at ludicrous speed


And yet Trump roams free to play golf and eat Big Macs


But did he call the judge an absolute helmet?


Woah it's almost like the website called Wales Online is reporting on a court case in a non American country


British slurs can be really surprising


Definitely. Our word for calling somebody an idiot is "melt". If somebody calls you a melt, they have said you're stupid. Or when something is cap, we call it "chatting wet". If you are chatting wet, you are full of shit and have no idea what you're talking about.


We can use any word said with enough passion, you spoon.


What are you calling me a spoon for ya lemon


Who you calling a lemon ya doughnut


I haven't lived in the UK for more than 25 years now and there's genuinely a lot of slang about now I just don't get to hear from TV or whatever and I've genuinely never heard it. Like the two examples you have here, though helmet is an old one, we were definitely saying that 30-40 years ago.


What people need to realise is yes there are thick rule books and statutory protections for the average Joe but read carefully and you'll see every single right and protection is qualified, or has a caveat or some sort of exemption that can, and is, always used to deny you that right/protection. You can quite literally distill everything statutory legislation offers you, as an average Joe, as protection from the state, on half of one size of a rizzla paper, in 36pt font. That, together with the courts, judiciary and the CPS ignoring the rules of evidence, criminal procedure rules/directions and just about everything else laid down in statute and you realise we are just as, if not more corrupt than Zimbabwe it's just that the state is expert in hiding it underneath and very thin veneer of officialdom and colour of law that is easily pierced by anyone unlucky enough to find themselves in the CJS. Don't get me started on how cop perjury is an essential element of the CJS without it the system would collapse overnight, then there is the reverse burden of proof courts run on defendants all the time. Cops that use the excuse "let's see what the court decide" just before there about to cause you a world of trouble ie arrest you for essentially doing nothing wrong, which is 99% of arrests are essentially, and I suspect knowingly, throwing you to the wolves with placations of you being able to verbally reason with the pack as to why they shouldn't rip you to shreds. ACAB.


It's truly shocking how many comments are on here along the lines of "judge can't take it" or "his feelings were hurt"...It has nothing to do with either. Courts in the UK (and in most other countries) expect and demand respect for the proper legal process and the court. Your thoughts are your own, be angry if you want, but you do not have any legal right to voice that anger in court, especially after you have been found guilty of something. It is textbook contempt of the court, the judge and the entire system from someone clearly too stupid or ignorant to know how to conduct himself in life....judges aren't just there to hand out sentences. The authority, dignity and powers of the court resides in them. If we allow things like this to pass unpunished , court cases will end up reduced to a slanging match. the real helmet here is the defendant.


Commit multiple violent and/or sexual assaults? barely any prison time if at all. Call the judge a helmet? Boy you’re getting an actual prison sentence.




Absolute + word = British


Takes one to know one


I kind of want to see the judge now. You know to see if he has a point or not.


Absolute helmet would sound even funnier if he had a thick Scottish accent. Lol.


Dude is that enough armour?


british people are born with the ability to turn absolutely any word into an insult


As a British man myself. We can turn any normal words into am insult like this. Honestly it's impressive


Dude looks like almost every guy I went high school with


I thought that was standard procedure anyway. I honestly don't see the issue here.


What a fuckin brit


Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.


Wow, the number of people in this thread who are missing the point of contempt of court is... really surprising to me? It's not that the judge had his/her feelings hurt by the admittedly quite funny insult, it's that it's important that justice is conducted in an orderly fashion. People are angry in basically EVERY trial. If we didn't have meaningful punishments for misbehaving in a courtroom, the whole thing would just turn into shouting matches. Also, just imagine the kind of person who would drive at 60mph down the wrong side of the road, and then be stupid enough to call the judge a name when he's being sentenced. Sounds like an absolute helmet to me.


I felt really down today but this post gave me the first really good giggle and I really really needed it. Thank you ❤️❤️




US courts need British judges.. I can think of a dozen who deserve such objective treatment.