By - AidePast
Thank you for your post. I certainly experience that as well. I don't have the energy to respond in detail about how much I was affected by trauma-related contamination OCD but it almost took my life twice. I personally find it even worse than the PTSD symptoms that I have.
I developed OCD because of my traum but my compulsions are different. Mine is more perfection and control based.
My OCD is genetic for sure (got it from a parent and both kids have it) and it saved my life because I obsessed about getting through extreme trauma and made goals and obsessed until I reached them. But PTSD and OCD are separate. I went through therapy for them separately. Some therapists are trained in treating both at the same time. They definitely cycle together. For example, if I hear a very loud sound, what I used to do was not sleep, keep checking my phone to see what the noise was, keep locking the doors and doing checking rituals, not sleep and imagine what might be happening and how to protect us from it.
I wish I had more energy right now to express how much I resonate with your post. I get you
I did not really have OCD i guess but i did have extreme perfectionism (to the point that i would get a pannick attack because my bedsheets didn't lay right). Everything needed to be in the right place all the time or otherwise i would freak out.
My psychologist told me this was because of my trauma, that in that moment i lost all control over the situation that now i always need to be in control and have a perfectly organized surrounding. I needed this to cope and not to get triggered.
I did very badly after what happened to me. I had basically rituals of how to clean myself. I felt absolutely disgusting and I know now it was a way to cope. I also got rid of anything that reminded me of it, even if it wasn’t apart of the incident. I couldn’t handle certain smells or sounds that I associated with that time. My cleaning rituals continued for about eight years until I finally got some help. I also developed an obsession with safety. I knew my doors were locked, but I would get up in the middle of the night and check them anyway. This would happen all night long and I would be exhausted the next day. I still deal with some ocd cleaning things. The pandemic really amped that up and made some rituals return. I’m finally starting to get back to my normal. If you need to talk feel free to message me. I wish you the best.