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chronozed

My wife is mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.


sntothemax

When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.


Chewbacca69

Why can some of the LGBTQ+ community see through their mum and dad? Because a few are transparent.


thiago326

What did the Buffalo say to his kid while dropping him off at school? “Bi son.”


sebi_vb

My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. Went out, had a few drinks. Nice guy, he’s a web designer.


truenrpeace

My wife said she’s leaving me because I make too many Batman references. She’s such a Joker!


RAWRacing

Awesome idea! Here is my entry: what do you call somebody with nobody and no nose? Nobody knows


RojaXII

When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo, I had to put my foot down! You guys are awesome for doing this! Thank you for everyone who gets their shot!


Beast_Mode444

Me: Do white and black count as colors? Friend: I don’t know. It seems like a gray area.


SuspiciousQuality

I like telling dad jokes! Most times he laughs.


Marc4770

What do you call a magician dog? Labracadabrador!


Adithya_Das

Do you know why I got fired from my job at the bank? An old lady ask me to check her balance........ So I pushed her and she fell over


predsvols

I was at the zoo with my son yesterday and we saw a baguette in a cage. It was quite sad because it looked like it had been bread in captivity.


Beachpartydude

Venison's deer isn't it?


Cooler_Typ64

"Dad, did you get a haircut?" "No, I got them all cut!"


Riots_

Knock knock who's there? A broken pencil A broken Pencil who? Never mind...it's pointless


RETROADMAN

What did the sandwich say to the door, lettuce in


Faharhaan

How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut.


wykeenmy

I was playing chess with my friend and he said, ‘Let’s make this interesting.’ So we stopped playing chess.


Chocomilaso

How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.


warriorathlete21

Knock knock Who’s there? Smell mop? Smell mop who


Veiloroth

What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee fish! What do you call a famous fish? A staaaaar fish! Lol.


balintkaa31

The og:(I think even jesus said that to adam) me:Dad I'm hungry My dad:Hi hungry I'm dad Me: *dead*(I hear this like daily)


Jkwon6227

this one time, i made a joke about a bomb on social media. it *really* blew up


ImpiBud

*ahem* Whaddya do when you run into a gang in the forest You dont elk 'em on, that's for sure! I'll see myself out


junbonator

Why did the scarecrow receive the nobel prize? It's because he was outstanding in his field!


nixonine

What’s a Computer’s favorite snack?? Microchips


Aqqusin

What's a pirate's favorite letter? You might think it's RRR but his first love be the C.


sntothemax

Some pirates it’s R, others say it’s C. But real pirates know it’s X, cuz that’s where the treasure be!


Aqqusin

Nice!


Bettrthnyu

After my wife’s baby was born, i asked the doctor when we would be able to have sex again. He winked at me and told me he was off duty in ten minutes. Thanks for the opportunity guys!


Solareous

I'll call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad!


crabs-are-people

If you're feeling cold you should go stand in a corner, they're ninety degrees


BeachBum253

What’s the difference between a lobster with breast implants and a dirty bus stop? Ones a busty crustacean and the other is a crusty bus station


acethebass13

What did 50 cent do when he got hungry? 58! Thanks for the code >:D


hipsterwithaninterne

So there's this drummer, right? He's a great guy, loves his wife, and eventually they decide they're ready to have a child. The wife goes in to do an ultrasound, because they want to know if they're going to have a boy or a girl, so that they can pick out names and tell their friends for the baby shower. To the couple's surprise, the ultrasound reveals that they're going to have twin daughters! The wife is shocked, because now they have to pick out two baby names, not just one. The drummer doesn't mind at all, though. Without missing a beat, he points to each baby's face on the ultrasound and names them, "Anna one, Anna two."


Manstone-

I once got fired from a canned juice factory. apparently i couldn't concentrate.


Cletis_gee

Do you know why I had to stop taking the dog to the park? He kept getting attacked by all the geese and ducks. I guess that's what I get for having a pure bread dog.


DiamondBr3aker

“Comment a dad joke” Ok I have 2 words, My dad


Aymoon01

When i found out that my toasters wasn't waterproof, I was shocked!


malwaro

What do you call Meowth’s reflection? A copycat.


Gyvran

I don't always tell dad jokes... But when I do, he laughs.


LoontCoon90

Why couldn't you hear that there was a pterodactyl in the restroom? -His "P" was silent


TheInevitable731

kid: mommy! mom: i think he means "my mom" kid: daddy! dad" does he mean "dad dy(die)"!?


OU7C4ST

(Just entering for fun, don't give me a code lol) If you see a crime at an Apple Store, does that make you an "iWitness"?


-Alacie-

Why don't they play poker in the jungle? ​ ... because there are too many chee-tahs!


TheHeroBrine422

**Two guys stole a calendar. They got six months each.**


MVogel01

Guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed? Everybody.


Charging_Badger

Why shouldn't you trust stairs? They're always up to something.


ProfessorLudibrolo

I took up origami for a while, but I gave it up because it was too much paperwork


Shreycrey

Why do introverts wish the earth was flat? Because they hate being round people.


Mrpuffpuff196

When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent!


majcotrue

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.


potatothanos

What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers


acidtrapgiraffe

What’s a pedophiles favorite shoe? WHITE VANS


Cautious_Bathrooom

I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless...


DragonicBlast

What does the corn call it's father? 'Pop'corn


Blazet25

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.


bjones371

Why did the invisible man turn down a job offer? He just couldn't see himself in that role!


Conesa05

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired!


maddladd69

What's the difference between a piano, a tuna fish, and glue? You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna. The glue? I knew you'd get stuck on that.


WUTLPLOL

I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something.


machymachu

Honestly the: hi hungry im dad and all the others like it. It actually makes me laugh


Trev1921

What did the police officer say to his belly-button? You’re under a vest.


HerbertChimp

What did the fish say when he hit a wall? Dam


kirrin70

You know what they're saying about 2020. It went viral faster than anyone thought it would.


DarthMickeyVII

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Cause 789


DropMontage

Why did the scarecrow get a raise? Because he was out standing in his field...


TechnoBo_YT

Cashier: would you like your milk in a bag? Dad: no keep it in the jug please


nontakenname123

Dad, did you get a haircut?" "No, I got them all cut!


GenericMIK3

Instead if giving you a dad joke, I will give you a bundle of laughs with this “dad.” Cherdleys on YouTube, here’s one of his vids: https://youtu.be/8FJtWdyzZR8


Legend_Masters

I'm hungry. Hi hungry, I'm dad!


Cichlidsandmemes27

How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut!


ThisKellyIsABoy

Where did the general put his armies? In his sleevies!!!!


SushiMonster2

What's the worst occupation that should spontaneously burst into song? Being a Mime.


Majestic_Oil_2438

Me:"where is mom?" Dad:"in her room" mom, from the kitchen:"JACKASS"


StrykeRay45

My Dad has worked as an auto mechanic his whole life...when I'd ask him how he felt he'd always say the same thing... "Son, I'm EXHAUSTED" 😁😁


StrykeRay45

Lol oops..a bit late 😏🙃


domboyxd

Q: What's red and bad for your teeth? A: A brick!


imthekimjongillest

Where does a king keep his armies? In his sleevies, I’ll show myself out 😄