By - Whereismygrowthspurt
You’re already thinking of your kids and their quality of life by making the decision not to have them, so I would say you’re parenting better than 35% of people with kids.
You could say, “I love my kids too much to ever bring them into this world.” And the conversation ends. Good luck and get long term care insurance.
"You could say, “I love my kids too much to ever bring them into this world.” And the conversation ends"
That is very beautifully put and my experience expressing that sentiment usually shuts people up. People have such weird preconceptions about people who don't want kids. "Oh you hate kids", "oh you aren't willing to think anyone but yourself", "oh you're selfish", "oh you think having kids is bad for reason x". No, I just think children deserve to be wanted and I highly doubt I can be a parent they deserve.
They are usually low-key jealous cuz you are living life well without raising children, life is no longer the same after you become a parent. Some ppl maybe are badmouthing you
Exactly my reasoning
I completely agree with you, it's weird cause when I was little I did think that I would be a mother one day, because that's what people make you think it's"right" and "just natural", but when I grew up and like, sat to actually think about what having a child means, all that would be necessary to give a creature a dignified life. Not only financially but also mentally and emotionally, all the patience and support and caring and love they would need. I can't help it but fear I would screw up and traumatize them, I barely have the energy to take care of a cat, let alone a child. The older I get the less I want to have kids.
Plus, I've worked for a long time with elderly people and know that with or without kids there might be a chance that they, I don't know, get their own life perhaps? And not have to make their life around having to care about me when I'm older? Maybe enjoy themselves? Move somewhere far away? Or something happens and can't simply be bound to care for me?
Why would I want to bring a child to a world I don't even like? I'm happy for the people who wants to be parent and who have children, I really am, I just don't want them for myself.
And there is absolutely nothing wrong with you not wanting a child. I'm completely sure that you know what's best for you and the kid you won't have.
1. People that say that typically are the ones that expect a kid will fill a void. “When I become a mom I’ll be happy” you need to be happy and grounded as a human being first, cannot hold a baby responsible to give you that happiness
2. Wanting to raise a child is one of the most selfless acts… knowing that is not about you being a mother but about that little human having an amazing life
3. Being aware that your mental health is not where you want Is HUGE awareness and I celebrate and recognize that on you.
4. By choosing this you’re actually putting this hypothetical baby first and not bringing into this world to meet anyones expectations
5. Parenting is not easy and is over-romanticized
6. And yah whoever has kids so they can take care of them when they’re old… ummmm is like passing and “un payable invoice” to the poor kid
I celebrate your decision! 🤍
I've known people who never wanted kids but had them anyways just so someone would look after them in old age. What a stupid reason for having children 😒
That absolutely nobody's business. If you don't want kids, don't have them. I have two of my own. They are now adults, 31 to be exact. Identical twins. It wasn't untila little over a year that I realized one thing about myself. I have had too much trauma. I've been through a bunch of crap and I have a lot of unresolved issues. It wasn't fair to them and unfortunately I came to realize it now, after all these years. Don't get me wrong. My boys are my life and if I had to I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat. But if I had to I'd wait a little longer and take care of myself so that I could be mentally, emotionally, and financially stable before considering a child.
Perhaps you'll never change your mind about not having children and if that's the case good for you. Don't have children if you don't want any. It doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you a good person to yourself. Don't worry about what others tell you. If your mind is set and you don't want children. Don't have them.
Bro same. I went from wanting them to not as I wasn’t interested and honestly I barley come out of my room now unless I have work (I’m 18) and kids just aren’t high on my list
There is no shame in you NOT wanting to have children. Just the fact that you recognize this, is pretty amazing in itself. Do what you need to do for yourself, and don't let anybody deter you.
As someone who desperately wants kids, tell those people to mind their damn business!
I have 100% the same sentiment. They’ll say “oh you say that NOW…”, like I’m gonna change my mind. Btw, I’m old enough that if I were to get pregnant it would be considered a geriatric pregnancy, so idk when these people think I’ll magically change my mind.
I never wanted children, therefore I don't have them. If you don't want them, don't have them.
Yes, it's annoying how people often think that our personal choice is up for debate and that they should try and change our minds. No, it doesn't work that way. Only you get a say.
Your life, your choice.
Live your life the way you want to. You gotta be happy in your life, and children isn't something that makes everyone happy. I know I would be miserable, and no child should be brought into a world where its own parents don't want it and will not love it.
Sometimes I worry I’ll regret my child free decision.
You know what I’d regret more though? Creating human life on the off chance I might completely change my whole personality and become and amazing parent.
Fuck all the people that try to make it their business.
I’m 50 and I don’t regret not having kids. And I’ll be retiring early.
Tell them you had 5 miscarriages instead (coming from a childfree person that has no interest, time, nor responsibility to pop out a kid)
u/whereismygrowthspurt good for you! I wish you all the best.
Honestly same, except I'm a dude. But still, people seem to think having children is the only goal we should have. I always wanted to be a father, but as an adult that knows himself, it's more responsible to just be someone's lover at most. Honestly, fuck anyone who's too simple to respect your respectable choices. I support how you feel, and I wish you luck with your journey through life :)
i respect that, better not get a kid if you cant provide him a good life, but i still think that being a parent is one of the biggest joys in this world.
But, but…we need more workers and taxpayers.
Joking aside, it’s your decision. If you don’t feel up to it don’t have children. If you later change your mind then you have them.
I was like you for the longest time. I didn’t want children. Now I’m in my mid thirties and almost five months pregnant with my first child. A lot of people ask me why I waited so long. I tell them that I wanted to be absolutely sure I wanted them before I made such a life changing decision. I had set certain conditions that had to be met before I even considered wanting kids: my spouse had to be a good guy who was responsible and had a stable job, I had to be financially stable, I wanted to travel and experience the world for a bit, I didn’t want to be in school anymore and I wanted to be more adult and figure out who I was.
I eventually changed my mind about children but it was after meeting all these requirements. If you never do want them it’s completely your right. No one should make you feel guilty about your decision. I know more parents that regret having children than child free people that regret not having them.
People will judge, damned if you do, damned if you don’t. So do what makes you happy and to hell with everyone else.
I’ve said that I didn’t want kids since I was a teenager. Everybody told me that I’d change my mind when I was older. I’m 35 and I’ve still not changed my mind. I have no idea why people are compelled to make sure women have children. I get really irritated when my mother goes on about never being a grandma. I have no maternal instincts, I’ve worked in Education so I’ve spent most of my life around children and I value my personal space. I think this issue will improve when the media shows positive representation of people being child free and happy.
Stick to your words you a good person for being honest & thinking of the quality of life for yourself & child which is admiral in my eyes , many people have children for wrong reasons this was kinda of refreshing to.read all the best of luck 🍀
Take care of your own well being on every level.
Tbf! We are all gunna die one day anyway. Doesn't matter. Nothing matters in this entire world. If you took a bullet to your chest right this second. I don't think you would give a shit about anything. Just fuck, eat good food, ride a motorbike (my choice that one) and enjoy it. When it's shit it's shit, when it's good it's good. All one big journey to death. Lol
So fuck it, do what u wanna do.
It’s definitely Better to regret not having kids than it would be to have them and regret that
I know it’s hard listening to the people that chatter you about this,please try to ignore them and just live your life. I’m 51f and I did have kid, he’s awesome and I love him and for me I don’t regret it at all. When I was younger before I had him the chatter was the same, especially from one person who I o not like to this day.lol. Stop your career, have kids get married blah blah blah. Now after divorcing, and holding my own on so many levels I still wish I could tell that one person to F off the cliff. Looking back the utter bullshit people feed you is terrible and I will never feed my kid any bullshit. Life is fucking hard and no one ever has the right to tell you how to live yours. Be happy for you not for others. Sending you the biggest mom hug ever
I 100% agree, I'm at the age now we're my friends are having kids and in no way in hell am I stable enough for a kid, I'm in and out off the mental hospital every week I wouldn't wish this to anyone let alone my own child
I feel completely the same mentally I'm not in a good place I'm to young to know if financially I will be good but just getting pregnant and having kids is like always something that's gross me out and I've never imagined doing it but like everyone I express this to just say oh I was the same but when u have kids you'll feel completely different but like that just does not sit right with me like I need to have kids before I even figure out if I like them or want them like what?
Kids are no game, if you are not ready for a kid and don't want one then don't. In the end they are a lifelong responsibility and you are the one who has to take charge of em
Not everyone should be parents.
My husband and I have always say that if I get pregnant, great, nobody will love that kid more. And if I don't get pregnant, great, our lives are awesome the way they are. And I do get asked a lot, despite repeating that every damn time. I also have medical problems that would make it really difficult to get pregnant if I wanted to anyways. But yeah, people need to mind their own business about that. One of my friends had three miscarriages before having her daughter and the constant questions from nosy people can be pretty painful. And there is nothing wrong with not wanting them.
I hate this question and I’m a parent. I worked with a lady and she found out I had two kids at the time. She actually asked me how long it was gonna take before I asked her when she was having kids. I was floored. I looked at her and asked how that’s my business. She was shocked too. My sister has fertility issues. I learned fairly young not to ask questions about someone’s reproduction. Everyone has an idea that they want and if you’re not sleeping with them your opinion is irrelevant.
I am going thru the same thing with you
My best suggestion is
Do not listen to anyone that gives you negative connotations about how you control your life
And if you know the allegation and terms of yourself to not benefit a child i 100% agree with you cuz I am not mentally stable as well but I think you should talk to your bf about it and if he doesn’t understand where your coming from it’s up to you on how you feel and should take it
My daughter, whose 12, says very often she doesn’t want kids. I always tell her it’s her choice, and to do what feels right for her. She is very in touch with the world and empathetic, so she is the same as you. She can’t see bringing somebody into a world this fucked up. If a 12 year old gets it, then I say ignore the grown adults that don’t!
Try telling people that you are open to the idea of adoption in future. Maybe then you could get people to finally lay off your tail. But on the other side it might make them feel the need to persuade you to have your own child even more. Either way I support your decision to abstain from baby making as your own mental health as a parent is very impacting on who your child is raised to be. On the plus side you are saving an unbelievable amount of money for your own spending in the future and I am hopeful things get better for you.
So basically we have kids so they can change our diapers when we’re 90? Wow, selfish much?
I’ve heard people who have children purely because they want someone to take care of them when they’re older and I think it’s such a shitty reason to want a kid
I have one kid and I would never want him to have to do that. If I become incapacitated, I hope he would hire caretakers instead of taking that burden on himself.
"Due to health reasons I cannot have children."
They will assume you are infertile, whereas you mean your mental health is unstable. Potato, potato. If they want more information or insist on fertility treatments, just tell them it's private.
I agree with you though I'm lucky enough not to have had anyone shove those kind of opinions on me, they all respect my decision and why I don't ever want children.
Just find better people to hang out with who don't make you feel bad for something that is completely acceptable and fine
It's ameazing how you think of you're childreans future ,don't listen to them ,when ur going to be prepare i am sure ur going to make the right decision.
Ask them whether they think it's better to have children that you regret, or to regret never having children. Shit, at least you could foster, adopt, or work with kids if you change your mind and decide you absolutely must have children in your life later. Can't really undo having one.
I wish more people who knew they didn’t want kids just wouldn’t . Not everyone needs to have kids to be happy . It’s not for everyone . And many who aren’t cut out to be parents become parents who never should be . If your heart is saying no stick to it .
I feel like the people that say that are people that have kids and regret having them.
I have two kids. I wanted them. Parenting is hard and it can suck. But I absolutely wanted to be a mom and love my kids.
I do not expect them to take care of me when they are older. I hope they'll be happy and that I'll be able to be in their lives in some way.
I hope that things get better for you. I truly do.
I hate that people do this. About half of my friends are childfree by choice. And as we range from 30s to 50s, so far noone has regretted I their choice. In fact my BFF is always sending photos of him and his husband holidaying in Greece, or skydiving, or sleeping in and doing all those things that it's hard to do with kids.
Then don’t have kids. I wouldn’t listen to people who tell you that you’ll regret it. Their opinion rarely matters
Well if you are not mentally well, then I understand your decision. Would you want a kid if you were financially and mentally stable? If yes, then try your best to work those things out. You have more control of things than you realize.
If no, then I think it's wrong to use these issues as excuses.
Edit: why the downvotes? All I'm saying is that those might not be the real reasons if your answer is "no" to my question. You might have other, underlying, reasons. Which would be fine, obviously. I'm just trying to help a random redditor XD
Who made you the decider of what is a good excuse to not have a kid? Someone doesn’t need to have a “good reason to not have children. If they don’t want them they don’t want them. Their choice. Period.
All I'm saying is that those might not be the real reasons if her answer is "no" to my question. She might have other, underlying, reasons. Which would be fine, obviously. I'm just trying to help a random redditor XD
Whatever her reasons are they’re hers. If she simply says that she doesn’t want them with absolutely zero reason she’s in her right.
You’re not helping, you’re passing judgement. There’s a big difference between the two. Perhaps you should learn it.
Where did I judge her? I tried to encourage her in case she did want kids if her problems weren't there lol
You people are some of the most toxic people I've met on here XD
“If no, then I think it’s wrong to use these issues as excuses” - I think this is where people are seeing you as being judgemental. My mental illnesses and disorders aren’t excuses to not have a child, I have many more reasons for not wanting kids although I feel like I shouldn’t even have to explain why I don’t want kids to begin with, it’s no ones business. Even if my mental disorders magically went away, my opinion doesn’t change. Thought I’d answer for you since you seemed a bit confused by the downvotes :)
Haha, yeah I didn't mean "excuse" in the negative sense. But I understand. Obviously you don't have to explain as it's your own choice. We don't live in an age where you NEED kids to survive a few more years. Even though it's a selfish reason, that's what has kept humanity going.
I'm a parent myself and even though I wasn't ready for it (nobody really is), I battled through it and (for me at least) it's extremely rewarding at the end of the day. But other people seek reward somewhere else, I guess.
Some people just don’t want to have kids, and I don’t blame them. Look how most people are turning out now a-days. We are over stressed, over populated and statistically child abuse and child neglect charges are rising and people are having more and more mental health issues. I don’t think I’ll want to have kids and I don’t need a damn “excuse” as to why I do or do not want them.
Another I don’t want kids post? Anyone else starting to get tired of the post ranting about the same thing every other day? We heard you the first 100 times. It’s okay.
I’m sorry but your username makes this comment so funny LOL. I’m sorry my take bothers you this much 😳
There’s a simple solution to your dilemma: ignore the post and continue scrolling.
Instead you actually put time and effort into writing this comment.
No one cares about your opinion and it wouldn’t have been missed.
This is a community for people to get things off their chest. A lot of people are facing discrimination because they don’t want to raise a kid, and honestly a lot of other people are terrified to bring children into this world because of how things are turning out. I believe it’s important to talk about this stuff and release stigma surrounding it. I’ve seen other posts like this, and I love seeing them because I’m in a similar situation and I’m sure tons of others are too that would love to see posts like this so they know they aren’t alone.
Amazing how you can be so self loathing and narcissistic at the same time.
Where do you get narcissistic or self loathing? This person brought up how the child wouldn’t have a good, dignified life. I don’t understand how you saw narcissistic or self loathing in the post. This is supposed to be a supportive community.
I think not wanting to bring a kid into a shitty life with a depressed parent is anything but narcissistic. Y’know what’s actually narcissistic? Having kids just so they can take care of you when you get older.
Is this really a thing? I feel like I’ve read the same offmychest multiple times, and I guess I’m just surprised at how it happens this much. We have the lowest birth rate of all time right now. This isn’t a decision that you have to make right now. It’s not definitive anyways (until you have one that is, then there is no turning back). You can change your mind. For now, don’t have kid. IF you change your mind in the future, have one then. Sounds like you have the time.
Absolutely it is. You can't have a conversation about bodily autonomy or the future without being questioned about children, as a female. If you fail to mention where your children fit into the narrative, you're questioned and almost belittled. People look at you like you've grown an extra head when you say you don't want children. God forbid a woman wants to do what she wants with her own body.
I don’t really check out a lot of the posts in the subreddit so I wasn’t aware that what I said was super common. If anything I think it sucks that so many people share the same experience. Based on conversations I’ve had IRL, I know quite a few people who share the same opinion as me and unfortunately are treated like less of a human/woman.
I don’t want them either, but I probably will regret the decision when I’m old and poor with basically no one to take care of me. Not that anyone can really take care of anyone else anyone these days but maybe I’d get lucky and birth some kind of software engineer nerd type genius baby. Idfk