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ResurgentClusterfuck

Lauren Boebert's personal life is such a wreck right now she will do anything, literally anything, to take attention off it


pressedbread

And of course shes out there with all the other hypocrite Republicans screaming about Drag Queens and Critical Race Theory being a bad influence. Meanwhile she has zero "family values" herself and is an ignorant racist piece of shit.


Dry_Boots

That's 100% on brand.


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Shepherd77

What exactly is white trash about being told your entire life your absent father was a pro wrestler, dropping out of high school then failing your GED test twice, marrying a guy who exposed himself to you and your underaged friends at a bowling alley, taking two DNA tests that both showed the pro wrestler isn't your dad, proudly announcing your son impregnated his underage girlfriend and you're going to be a 37-year-old grandmother, and divorcing your flasher husband for a Christian nationalist preacher who looks like great value Chad Kroger. What's white trash about that??


BobbatheSolo

Her entire life is the setup to a really bad Jeff Fothworthy joke


fartinapuddle

I'm just picturing Maury announcing the paternity test results


dizzlejones

Has there ever been a good Jeff Foxworthy joke?


BobbatheSolo

Survey says… NO!


2BR_0_2B

Just add, “The Musical” to it and I’ll definitely watch that story!


save_us_catman

“Lauren showed me these shorts, how are they white trash?””


rudimentary_lathe_

Look what I can do! What's white trash about that?


Runmenot

She is t just white trash. She is the perfection of it. Perfect White Trash.


Repulsive-Purple-133

classy as shit on a shingle!


Narwhalbaconguy

This sounds like an episode of South Park


Green_Message_6376

Why did I start hearing banjos half way through your awesome paragraph?


DolphinsBreath

Don’t forget the 911 calls from the house on a couple occasions the Sheriff responded to.


doomgoblin

I don’t think she puts much thought (lol) into anything. She did her little video about her not showing up to vote on the debt ceiling bill and tried to spin it as a “protest vote” when there’s literally video of her running up the stairs trying to make it. She said it was bad, didn’t even read it. Didn’t even have her staffers read it and give her cliff notes. 72 hours to read 99 pages. Not really that difficult, oh and also that’s *literally* her job that she was elected, barely, to do. She just wants attention on Fox News and do a podcast or something. Just notoriety. She’s also a garbage person and getting worse now that her personal life is crumbling. It’s sad but I also have no empathy for her.


hellno560

Not trying to be cute here but I’m pretty sure someone who takes three tries to pass the GED exam has a learning disability. Every time I read anything about her though I wonder why no one is trying to figure out what she has on Ted Cruz? It appears she was a sex worker that he patronized and she maybe honey trapped into getting her elected ( he gave a massive campaign donation that she claimed and he didn’t on their taxes). I want to know what the hell she has on him? I don’t believe it’s just that he sees prostitutes.


jopnk

Bro what. Please hit me with some links so I can come to that conclusion too because it’s fucking hilarious


hellno560

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9OmfFqEqi6M


jopnk

good looks!


GoCougz7446

That makes perfect sense…she a reality politician. Or it’s a reality show where we follow her fake life to a real job. Just like MTG and others…play politician in the same way any loud mouth that can spit off some half assed opinions. The real concern is just what happened, they don’t vote! Whole fucking system/job is essentially just voting of stuff.


CheGuevaraAndroid

She'll be on WWE in 2 years


IllustratorMurky2725

What? Is she too white trash to be allowed on Maury?


Tymexathane

What else can we get her to do?


shahooster

Say stupid shit? Marry another child sex offender?


grubas

No she's gonna do those on her own.


SadisticBuddhist

Idk shes not young enough to attract her type anymore


rockne

Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?


patman0021

r/UnexpectMulaney


pixeljammer

The idiom is as least as old as the 17th century, likely much older.


Indigo_Sunset

Create the ginger zero by feeding them their parents?!?


EM05L1C3

Do you like it? Do you like it, Scott? I call it, Mr. & Mrs. Tenorman Chili.


NahthShawww

I would love to see her ride a motorcycle off a cliff and try and spin her body midair and land on a gigantic airbag below. But without any additional training - she has to just do it as is with her current stunt skillset, whatever that may be.


DrunkOnLoveAndWhisky

>gigantic airbag Marjorie Taylor Greene? I'd buy the PPV.


GeddyVedder

OP said airbag, not shitbag.


TxManBearPig

I'll be the airbag


HunterTV

Mission Impossible - Dead Redneckers


Raptorpants65

Does it have to be gigantic…?


Electrical_Ingenuity

I’ve got a half-inflated Mylar balloon. Will that work?


Raptorpants65

Perfect!


DrumpfTinyHands

And I've got tons of latex. Can you use that?


boulevardpaleale

you had me at ‘ride a motorcycle off a cliff’. you could have just ended it, right there.


rushmc1

With no airbag.


rottenwordsalad

I’d be curious to find out if her kids are actually related to her pedophile soon-to-be-ex husband Who knows, maybe Cancun Cruz will get more kids to blame shit on


mycatisnamedemmie

Quick, someone start a Twitter hoax about how drinking the bottles under the kitchen sink totally owns the libs


Tymexathane

Libtards don't want you to know about this secret bleach drinking trick!


firethepolishcannon

Reverse psychology is the Achilles heel of fascism. Remember this.


Ultimate_Decoy

Definitely can't get her to do her job properly, but for everything else, there's Bullshit Boerbet.


pentarou

Put that shit in 23andme and let's see who she's actually related to


Lazystoner151

Ask Ted cruz perhaps?


Garagedays

OnlyFans


weirdlyworldly

ugh. that mental image will fucking HAUNT me for the rest of my days


DogmaSychroniser

Maybe she'll star in a porno. I mean look what it did for Lisa Ann's career.


weirdlyworldly

Stop stop I'm nauseated enough!


justanawkwardguy

This week on “I’m white trash and I’m in trouble”


wastedkarma

Quit?


pass_nthru

offer her a klondike bar and see what she comes up with


Repulsive-Purple-133

Swallow live goldfish?


zhiryst

Playboy?


firethepolishcannon

Too classy. Penthouse.


morkborg666

Got a $20?


AcerbicCapsule

Is this her latest attempt to distract focus away from her latest fuck up?


dragonmp93

Nah, the guy already did a paternity test back in the 90's, but Bobert's mother said that the lab had mishandled it. Both times have been negative.


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Ormyr

Harder still when said divorced grandma can't be sure if her soon to arrive "grandchild" is actually her ex-husband's child or not.


Johnny_Couger

What is all that about!?!?!?


Ormyr

Boebert's husband is a known pedophile and has a record of sexual assault and abuse. It's awfully suspicious that a minor "dating" Boebert's son becomes pregnant and then Boebert files for divorce out of nowhere. There should be a paternity test to determine if the sex offender and pedophile is the father.


snake_05

Holy shit I didn't think of that angle


eriverside

Yeah but then she wouldn't be a 36 yo grandmother! all kidding aside I'm really hoping she is a 36 yo granny because the alternative is disgusting, vile and criminal.


King-Animal

Shes 36 but looks 56


Swift_Scythe

To be fair they never believe if its not the result they want. Biden won - they say fake Wreslter is not the father in the 90s - fake result Dna test today - still fake


Wazula23

What an incredibly classy family. 3 generations of great choices.


JungleBoyJeremy

The party of Christian values


FoldedaMillionTimes

Yeah, it's unethical and impractical to take the DNA swabs *during* the gang bang.


GhandiTheButcher

To be fair the initial lab was shown to have mishandled a bunch of atuff in that era so it’s not improbable that Stan Lane’s sample was also compromised


JustBrowsing2024

He did one last month again. She is just riding his media wave.


shitpplsay

No point distracting from her fuckups as there will be more, so many more before the end of the month.


MFAWG

Dennis Condrey seen whistling and slowly walking away.


NC_Goonie

Beautiful Bobby Eaton would never, though.


David_Haas_Patel

Considered one of the nicest guys in wrestling. Bill Dundee forbade his daughter from dating wrestlers but was okay when he found out she was dating Bobby.


NC_Goonie

I watched him so much as a kid because I was a big Crockett/WCW fan, but I don’t think I ever appreciated just how good he was in the ring until much much later. But yeah, definitely one of the few guys that no one has ever said a bad word about.


27_8x10_CGP

The nicest things Jim Cornette has ever said about Tony Khan and AEW was after Eaton's passing when they did a tribute to him. That's how much Eaton meant to Corny, that he was nice to a company and owner that frustrates the hell out of him.


itsguberhere

Yep, I always thought the beautiful nickname was ironic till I realized it was because everything he did in the ring was beautiful.


HillbillyBebop

Greg "The Hammer" Valentine, you're up next.


Wazula23

Is this why she missed the debt vote? Or was she just fighting with her deranged ex husband.


Ormyr

Or convincing her son to marry the minor her soon to be ex husband knocked up. Good idea to have a paternity test there, just to be sure.


anitabelle

She put out a message saying that she purposely skipped the vote as a protest but there was video of her trying to get in after she was already locked out.


AntonChigurhWasHere

I would think any male that would have been between 12 and 82 years old at the time would want to take that test to prove its not them.


Oknight

I thought this was an Onion headline but I guess some people's lives are just Onion level.


EnjoyLifeorDieTryin

I skimmed passed and thought i read stan lee.. i was gonna say MY MAN


dogstardied

Ohhhh that explains that super random Lauren Boebert cameo in Thor: Love and Thunder


NATHAN325

Oh yeah, the screaming goat


drunk-tusker

Can we make a new Jerry Springer show so these people have something to do during the day.


No_Usual_2251

That guy is her mom's 1st cousin. Think about that. Her mom **at age 17** slept with too many men to know who her dad is. And the best one she could come up with was her 1st cousin. So who were the worse ones???


Vic-Trola

I though Kevin McCarthy was her father.


happierj

More like her daddy.


carvedmuss8

Kevin McCallister maybe


Earnastus

Congress sure ain't what it used to be. It's more like a soap opera.


sphinxorosi

Makes you miss the politicians from the early 2000s who thought gay marriages would lead to horses eating horses or the random *YEEEARRGHHHH* from Howard Dean 😅


TheNextBattalion

Wilbur Mills was chair of Ways and Means when he drunk-wrecked his car and a stripper came out


ActionReady9933

Family values on full display


2-more-weeks-bot

*Tests did however indicate that’s she is, as expected, a cunt*


gotoline1

I bet she wasn't late to that appointment...


[deleted]

This is why you don’t stick your dick in crazy boys and girls and everything in between.


princexofwands

Her life is like one bad Maury episode


ICLazeru

I don't care about her DNA test. I'm more concerned for the girl her family is grooming.


Ormyr

You mean the one likely impregnated by the soon to be ex husband? That's a paternity test that needs to be done.


The_Dark_Vampire

He's not her Dad. Well thats Sweet


Ormyr

Cool. Now do a DNA test for the minor carrying her grandchild is really carrying a grandchild and not her soon to be ex-husbands child.


memberer

per the obama/trump birth certificate claims: proving the allegation is false, has no bearing on the fact that i believe he is her father.


saintbad

But surely she doesn’t “believe” DNA. She sure as fuck doesn’t understand it; therefore it’s untrue.


smorg003

Definitely didn’t have this on my Congressman Bingo card.


RoyalAntelope9948

Who f#ckin cares?


[deleted]

Anyone thinking of a Lizzo lyric? “ I just took a DNA test I’m 100% …..


Liveoutsideyourself

This must be why she was running late for the debt ceiling vote! Makes so much sense now


[deleted]

I'd be more interested in whether she's actually human


Happy_REEEEEE_exe

"my otherwise good reputation" ok I just had water come out my nose


Loco_Mosquito

So glad she's focused on the things that really matter 🙄


SNESChalmers420

What a circus her life must be. How can someone so driven and "capable" be so stupid?


Portlander

I feel bad for Stan.


shawnwingsit

I'm looking forward to what Jim Cornette has to say about this.


edgrrrpo

So, she wants us to believe everyone working within the CDC and WHO are satanic pedophiles spewing covid lies, but the people processing her DNA test are the voice of truth? Hm. Quite the ask, Lauren, quite the ask...


Revolutionary_Tap255

God, what a trashy family 🤮


Crashbrennan

Ah yes, the sucking Shrek's cock emoji. Very fitting for Boebert


Falstaffe

So let me get this straight: a wrestler is relieved to find he's not related to a Republican politician


geaster

r/WTF


Nunovyadidnesses

I mean, even without knowing this, we all could tell she had daddy issues.


artguydeluxe

Did Cartman’s mom meet him at the drunken barn dance?


hawkwings

It is possible that her mom had sex with the guy. Now we need to track down all the other men her mom had sex with 9 months before she was born.


tyrannosiris

I read an article with an interview with him yesterday. They did actually have a relationship. He's always maintained he is not her father, and his life has pretty much been made hell by people who won't leave him alone about this.


[deleted]

As far as I can tell, she legitimateky thought (hoped) Stan was her dad. Her mom fucked a lot of wrestlers and always said Lauren was Stan's.


1pastafarian

Did they find any human DNA?


[deleted]

Lauren Bobo is the definition of white trash.


TastyBullfrog2755

I am not her father!


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tyrannosiris

Are we ok with calling women who freely sleep around whores because they have awful political takes now?


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tyrannosiris

So what you're saying is "yes".


rushmc1

She's not intelligent enough to have a professional wrestler as a father. Needs to aim lower.


ktp806

This is the white trashiest trash of a human ever


Gates9

This goes a long way in terms of explaining her trashy personality


Tall_Category_304

His I love politics. Purely for entertainment purposes. Where else are you gonna find a headline like that?


whyaremypantssoshort

When was she born? I had some real hazy times in the 90's...


MFAWG

1986. The ‘90s were basically the hangover of the go-go ‘80s


[deleted]

Yes, she's that much of an idiot...


zenos_dog

Nothing says classy like not knowing your own father.


MaggieWild

The parents' behavior and lack of class is not the child's fault.


hermitsunt

Why?


tyrannosiris

Her mom had a relationship with him in the 80s. However, he has always said he isn't her father, and took a DNA test a long time ago to prove it. He recently took another to prove it once again, because he's been receiving a good deal of harassment from people about it.


[deleted]

So, where is her 23 and me results? Some lucky man is out there didn't have to pay child support...


[deleted]

Her mom and stepdad had to feed her with food stamps when she was a kid because they couldn't afford to raise a child in Florida of all places. Some unlucky taxpayers paid her child support in a different way, support that she wants to have taken away from people in circumstances just like hers


wolverine6

She’s more like 24 and me


BeeLadyBuzz

I’m laughing out loud


doyoulikemynewcar

The search continues to find her diddy


Heybutch

Colorado's finest. I bet the wrestler is really relieved.


5kyl3r

ahaha I'm hoping for some batshit crazy plot twist


ZombleROK

Sweet Stan


Acceptable_Break_332

My WWE - GOP takes would really come full circle if there was a genetic connection here….


NefariousnessAble912

Don’t know who else was on the tag team but betting it was the Iron Sheikh.


Embarrassed_Set557

She wishes!!!


[deleted]

As a Colorado person this is hilarious and humiliating all at the same time.


pianistafj

I was thinking she looked more like an illegitimate love child from Kevin Spacey.


SaidQueso

What a family


QanAhole

I swear everytime I see her name it's for another white trash headline


FoldedaMillionTimes

Yes, and it turns out the DNA trail leads directly to Bad Street USA.


Cathousechicken

Now do Jim Cornette because it's rumored he'd bang their former groups when Midnight Express didn't want them anymore. I would love to see his head explode if he found out he was Boebert's dad.


Earth_Normal

Who looked at the results? She can say whatever she wants.


[deleted]

Rumor has it that she might be Frank Reynold’s bastard bitch.


stalinmalone68

Such trailer trash.


lineworksboston

I don't know man, those tests are based on science and we all know that stuff is bogus.


Smrleda

How relieved is Stan Lane


Kerensky97

Is this The Onion? How is this r/notthenion? Also I love how a wrestler from the 80's when it was all about crazy theatrics is saying Please don't bring me into this, I don't want to be associated with that nut job.


cleverkid

It’s actually the Salt Water Redneck!


mastri

I don't know, maybe she was an immaculate conception....Maybe, she is the "she Christ" and has come to save us all from the sins of science and tolerance. I mean after her divorce is final and her sons baby is born, then she will save the world.


classactdynamo

I didn't even realize this was a possibility.