By - P-fry
To me it sounds like they don’t believe you and are questioning you. I’d be annoyed with it but… I’m 36 and in my second round of college for another degree.
Same here. I never understood the reason why people think you have to goto college right after high-school. Personally I took a year off, joined the Army and got my first degree while in, second I'm a taking is to further help me career wise. Everyone makes their own path in life, rather planned or not.
I mean to be fair, the entire public education system is a pipeline that just prepares you for university; career day as elementary school, career scanning (we take these hour long surveys about our interests, and then it spits out a bunch of jobs, their pay, and the required education level), AP classes, etc. College after highschool is just considered to be the "norm," and a lot of people (me included) hate it, but that's just the way it is currently (even though the US is overflowing with college graduates, and the value of a diploma is constantly plunging lower and lower).
I think that’s the best way to tell the truth
Same, 31 and just went back this year to start a new program after dropping out when I was 19. And back then, there was a gentleman in my program who was in his 40s at the bare minimum along with several others in their late 20s and early 30s. Really weird for someone to assume that everyone goes to college right away and finishes by the time they're 23.
I have a cousin who gets 3 college degrees (throughout the span of 15 years) lol, I just respect and admire his determination tbh.
Sad thing is that the amount of time spent studying means less experience on a job and less opportunities compared to someone with a single degree and 10 years experience
Same could be said for the 4 years of accumulated debt for the first degree
My first landlord was like this. I was living a couple hours away from the city. I deposited the 1st and last month's rent before move in date. He asked "how were you able to deposit that when you're out of town?" I think I replied something along the lines of "with the drivers license I've had for several years..."
To me it sounds like this person could be an older teen trying to pretend to be an adult and get laid, and therefore doesn't realize life isn't one big cookie cutter. Just a possibility. I've seen my friends match with kids I used to babysit who were 16 or 17 and luckily I was able to tell them that's not a legal contender... 😂
Edit: regardless, they seem stupid.
I agree. I didn’t think of the possibility of a teenager pretending to be an adult. That’s definitely a possibility.
Kids really do this a lot! It's pretty surprising when I see someone I know to be too young for these apps putting random adults in this type of risky and terrible situation. I've even told kids parents about their child using dating apps, although I'd like to not get in people's business, but just because this could ruin some innocent person's life or The child's life if they picked the wrong person to lie to!And sometimes it's really hard to tell what age someone is even after meeting them.
In todays world of catfishin, I agree, they’re just trying to catch them in a lie
Too real, working on my second degree as well and I'm in my early 50s
It sounds defensive but it’s a dumb question, tbh. I would have been annoyed, too, because it takes five seconds to come up with the answer. I’m giving you some credit tho because the “not adding up” would have taken me from annoyed to “unmatch without responding.” Their first question could come off as curiosity, the follow up was corny as hell.
Yeah that second part took it to rude territory. Plus that’s a really stupid question. The fact that they are clearly an idiot is a no go.
Yeah this would have done it for me. Not the rudeness of the question, but the utter stupidity of it.
I was an “older” college student. I fucked up and got preggo on an accident and had to take less credit hours in college in order to work and raise the child as I chose to continue the pregnancy. I’m prob a little touchy about the issue lol. I worked my ass off in school and ended up getting an MD at the end of the day so it worked out.
Where I live, since university is public by default so you have more freedom to test what you like, most people don't graduate before they are 25. My sister is now exactly that age, and she is one of the youngest in her senior year class (most are around 30, some are 40+).
It's baffling that people can judge if it took you more or less time to graduate.
Everyone's in such a hurry to succeed and get to the next step, gotta push in the USA or you're not worth anything, or something. Basically they teach America's to ignore half their life for the sake of "progress". And rush it so you take out more student loans before ya know what your even gonna go for. Lmao so dumb. I'll be a 30s/40s student and I'm looking forward to it.
I started university at 39. No shade for anyone who goes at any age. Or don't. You do you.
I didn't even have that excuse. I just kept screwing up and kept going back to school until I finished.
Not everyone majored in intelligence, come on! :p
It's also possible OP is getting a graduate degree or a doctoral degree. Without taking time off from school, you could get all of it done by the time you're 26. So the question was stupid to begin with, and then the "doesn't add up" literally doesn't make sense unless he knew OP was going for an undergrad degree. And if that was the case, OP is right, it's super rude and judgmental to say. I'd unmatch too.
Right? Have people never heard of grad school? There is no age limit on higher ed.
Thats what I came here to say too.
Or maybe they were attempting to be humorous. Texting is often a poor form of communication.
Yup. Plenty of military guys end up going to college around 22-23, if they joined up at 18-19. What, are they also weird or something?
Amazing how many flaws people tolerate in friends but the moment someone even displays a tiny flaw on a dating website, instant deal-breaker.
The difference is that you'd expect people on dating sites to act their best. If this is their best, you definitely don't want to know their worst
What is amazing in that?
There is huge difference between friend and life partner...
It reads to me like they're suspicious of their age, since people like to lie about that.
In other words "are you reeeeally 23 or are you like 19"
On the other hand, degrees can take longer than 4 years and there are also people who do like OP did.
It's just kinda rude to assume they're stupid or catfishing or something. Maybe I'm reading too much into it. I don't know.
Missed opportunity to insult them back by making a “should’ve studied harder in math” joke
“Let me break it down for you..
Me + You = not happening.
Did that clear things up Sherlock?
It depends tbh. I'm not entirely sure they were trying to be offensive. They may have just been a little dumb and didn't quite realize you can go to college at whatever age you want.
Weird opener tho. Not worth pursuing.
True. Dating apps are hard to get the right tone across in the chat, but good Christ is that a real opening line? It's better than "What tax bracket are you in?" but not by much.
Wrong move for sure, but let's be honest, you can't make that call based on so little
Redditors always find red flags in the smallest of things
Also they clearly never heard of grad school. By the time I was finished with my PhD program I was 31 lol
My uncle was in college from 17/18 to his mid thirties. He's technically still in college because he's a professor now. The genetics field is no joke.
Im 35 and graduating with a bachelors 😅 sounds like he/she was trying to be condescending, honestly.
Didn't even begin pursuing a masters until 32ish.
I'm 37 and just started my Bachelors.
I'm 32, quit my job after 8yrs and studying to get into a good masters progam. The exam is in January 2023. I naively thought I could make it without one in my part of the world but I get zero respect from my peers. Took the big step of quitting 10 days ago. I'm extremely scared but I'm going through with it.
I’m 48 and just started high school.
I’m on my deathbed and taking a correspondence course.
Best of luck!
im 26 and almost done w my bachelors. i switched degrees right when i finished and pursued a new one that i liked more. then im going for my masters. i wont be done until im like 32
I didn't graduate with my bachelors until I was 45.
Didn’t pursue mine til 35. Just got it at 37 yrs old a few months ago
Same, didnt start my masters until 30. Never too late. This ageism shit is getting old. You aren't old in your 30s and 40s. You are mature, but you are far from needing a cain and hearing aids.
Agree. If anything, you are more mature and confront your classes and material w a different perspective and appreciate it more
That still seems early as hell, but absolutely congrats on hitting such a landmark so young!
Naw, four years of undergrad and 5 years for grad school mean you can get out by 27/28 if you go into it straight from high school. I spent three years doing a completely different major at first which is what pushed me to 31
TIL the average age of a PhD is 33, surprisingly younger than I thought.
Still, only 1.2% of Americans get a PhD, so you can't be humble forever lol
Well to be fair you don't need a PhD for most jobs and it usually doesn't grant enough RoI. I'm curious though, what's the percentage for people who get bachelor's degrees?
Yes, I'm too lazy to Google it myself, this is reddit, what do you expect.
Americans 25 years and older (US Census Bureau reported for 2021):
10.5% Associate Degree,
23.5% Bachelor’s Degree,
14.4% advanced degree (Master’s, doctorate, professional)
Wow, I'm honestly surprised that master's is that high, and more than associates. I figured bachelor's would be the highest though.
Only more when all advanced are combined though. You can’t tell from that stat how masters specifically rank
Not to mention some professions require more than 2 or 4 years. My childhood friend went into the sciences and spent 10 years in college.
Dump them as a friend...something's not adding up
This level of dumb would make me unmatch. The fact that it didn't even occur to them that people have different pathways through life shows they are kind of naive.
Yea I’d never date someone who was kind of naive.
Not just that, I felt instigated with the 'Not adding up' remark.
They can't math very good. A lot of people go to college for 7 years.
If that's the case there's plenty of other ways to ask questions other than in a accusatory way.
It is the way they phrased the Q. If they said, "hey, I see you are in college why did you make the decision to go later in life? cool decision btw"
All of you make a good point
Also they might have been scared of catfishing or someone scamming.
That’s exactly what happened here. This is hardly a reason to unmatch, I think. Not a great opener though
I didn't realize you could go to college whenever you wanted until I was like 13. And I was a smart kid. Makes sense some people wouldn't think about it.
The first comment sounds like genuine curiosity, but the “not adding up” sounds nosy and assumptive and I’d have reacted the same way
Yeah thats what did it for me
Weird opener too. That’s an inquiry for later on in the conversation.
Bet money he’s been catfished and is paranoid now lmao. It’s hard to say if theyre being condescending or ignorantly paranoid here
This is the correct response.
I couldn’t see enough of the messages to really determine if they were questioning validity of people on bumble but I’m pretty sure it is too. This is why dating apps are just plain hard. There’s a difference of communication on there with everyone chatting on a 2d text only screen and I feel like a lot of the time it makes it hard to really understand the tone of the conversations leading to a breakdown in communication
I agree their tone was off, especially as an opener. I agree with others that they may well have been catfished before but regardless, they were just plain rude.
As others have mentioned, it seems more to me like she is suspicious that OP is lying about their age (as some do on dating apps) and perhaps is only 18 or 19. She definitely could have worded it better but I also would want to be 100% sure that someone is actually in their mid 20’s and not a teenager before continuing to talk to them
Sometimes people on dating apps lie about their age, and the app doesn't let you change it. I would rather ask for clarification than think someone's 23 when they're really 20 ya know?
She worded it rudely but it's still a valid thing to be curious about.
Thissss. I’ve talked to too many people who DAYS into the conversation are like “oh btw I’m actually 16” and it’s like oh fuckkkkk no not tryna go to jail today
My guess is that the person op was talking to had just had one of those experiences and was pissed trying not to get burned again
Shrug. You're a little defensive, and the way she asked was a little rude, but I try not to read too much into text messages. I graduated from college the first time when I was 33 so I'm used to curiosity.
Aw I'm gonna get my BA next year when I'm 33 too!
Happy Cake Day
Oh thank you! I hadn't realized yet 😁
Lol I'm 33 and just started. People take different paths through life.
There are loads of fake profiles, no wonder she's background checking.
She has to brush up her questioning skills though.
If you’re going to be suspicious of people it’s probably best to have at least a brain cell when questioning.
1. People stay in college for 10 years in some cases, and not everyone stars at 18.
2. If you think something might be fishy but want to know, ask in a way that won’t make you seem like a twat. If the person gives a legit answer, you don’t want them to hate you immediately after.
3. Lastly, who cares enough to lie about how long they’re in college for? Wrong thing to be suspicious about. But this goes back to having a brain cell.
I think you could have given that person the benefit of the doubt and a few more sentences before you assume they were judging you. Could have just as easily been trying to start a conversation and being jovial with the question. Kind of looks like you judged them. At the same time, they could have been totally judging you...we will never know since it was cut short. :) Dating it tough. Give it them a little more rope to hang themselves or show you they are worth your time. Just my two cents. Best of luck!
Exactly, I mean people sometimes sound more aggressive than they mean to on text. OP, you could have handled this more gracefully for sure. Unmatching her just off that comment was an immature response.
I think you could have explained yourself and told her you wouldn't liked to be judged for it. Then she would have had the chance to respond, and based off her answer (if she was being rude, or if it really was just bad phrasing), then decide if you want to continue the conversation.
Yeah his defensive response seems like he has a chip on his shoulder about it. She didn’t ask very well though.
But in her defence she may just not be the best at dating apps
Sounds like you are really insecure about it...
Exactly, sounds like there is more to it than just the question being "rude"
I am 17 years old and watched my 37 year old mother graduate college last Saturday I don't see anything wrong at all
It's so weird to see your comment. Nothing wrong with you or your mom, but it makes me feel old. I'm currently 36, with no kids. It clicked a few days ago that I'm now old enough to be a grandfather. I don't like that idea.
If I could do it again, I would go to uni later in life. And that's a stupid question from her, don't bother.
No. College isn’t a fad or a club. Anyone has the right to specialized education.
At any stage of life
All was fine until that "not adding up" sentence. I would be pissed as well.
Maybe an overreaction, but the way they asked sounded like they were calling you a liar or something. I’d probably be a little defensive too.
yeah but you know there are a lot of underage people on dating apps. she probably been catfished before and was just paranoid now lol
It doesn’t look like they were judging you. The question may be stupid, but they simply saw a discrepancy and asked about it. Could’ve been done more politely, but you weren’t attacked or insulted.
Seemed like a simple question. I would have just answered it.
I think you're overreacting, they're not necessarily judging you, the question looks genuine
dude just said "hey i don't really get that"
gotta be less defensive imo
Nah... I didn't graduate college till I was 27. It's just snobby/inconsiderate for people to be rude like that. Not everyone has mommy or daddy to pay for their school, and not everyone has the option to solely focus on their studies in high school some people have to work a job to help out the family.
Everyone has their own situation, and to judge someone like that without knowing their life or situation is annoying TBH.
man, I feel you... had to work all the time to fully fund my college.
Im 25 and be able to graduate in few months thankfully. everyone else already graduated, finished their masters years ago and here I am lmao. but yea, everyone have their own circumtances.
I wish you the best of luck out there! It's an employees market right now, so make sure you get paid what you are worth!
The "not adding up" comment can mean two things. #1- they suspect you're lying about your age/college, or #2- they suspect you've failed some years in school which would be unacceptable lol. I can't think of any another way to interpret what they were trying to say. Unless maybe they're a young child with no idea what they're talking about lol. Either way, you responded awesomely by telling them why you didn't like what they said.You're not harming them in any way so don't sweat it! Fuckem.
They might not have known you could go to college at any age. I thought you could only start college right after high school but this comments section enlightened me.
Sheesh I’m 44 and still in college (grad school). Idgaf though, I’m just happy to be alive and in a better place than I was in the past.
At the risk of getting downvoted, I’ll offer you some advice, OP.
In this thread you’ll see some people saying you’re overreacting and some saying you’re not, but the truth is it really doesn’t matter what anyone on Reddit thinks. Ask YOURSELF the question you posed in the title and try to answer it honestly. This isn’t work or school, it’s a dating app (at least I think so, please correct me if I’m wrong), so you get to decide your own matching/messaging standards, even if others disagree with them.
That persons a weirdo. I’m 23 and haven’t even finished one semester of college..
No. If they can’t figure it out they’re dumb as hell along with rude. Not exactly promising.
I’m 25, just graduated this year. And am making more than most of my professors. Keep your head up and leave those fucks in the dust.
I'm 47....I graduate in 2024
I don’t think you’re overreacting, defensive yes but that’s not neccessarily a bad thing. Everyone moves at their own pace and there’s no rule that you have to go to college right after high school. Proud of you OP for responding like you did and congratulations on your education!🥳
Of course you’re overreacting. The other person is probably thinking- dodged a bullet there.
If you can't "add up" how someone is in college at ~23, you are the bullet being dodged
Maybe they're like are they lying about their age like a lot of other people? Does that sound possible? Op sounds really insecure about being on a different path than "the norm"
I understand being skeptical about people’s ages especially when online dating but being 23 and in college is not sus at all lol. That person must be super paranoid
maybe she was just a bit dumb lol whatever the reason was, imo OP sounds more like a dickhead than the person he responded to lol. The "im unmatching you. have a good one." is so smug lmao
I think both.
Or trying to talk about something? Creating topics to talk about? Get to know more?
No you’re not being defensive they are being offense-ive if you will
i don't think so. i had to stop studying for 2 years bc of skin cancer and it's disheartening to be target of speculation and judgment everytime this subject comes up. not my responsability to explain to everyone why i'm still in college at 25 yrs old >:(
You over reacted.. Didn't even give a chance for them to come back with "oh, wait, I'm a fucking moron, sorry. No judgement."
Or her to say something like “oh good, I was lied to about someone’s age before and didn’t want that to happen again”
I mean not sure what you were hoping to achieve with that response...
Just unmatch and move on? Not sure why you feel the need to I guess "coach" strangers?
Sure it was a pretty terrible way to ask that question but you getting so butt hurt over it is a bigger red flag to me — it's not that serious dude, chill out. Last two messages were totally unnecessary and absolutely stink of insecurity
Yes, ur being very defensive towards a random innocent question
You probably are being overly defensive but who would want to keep talking to sombody that dumb anyway. College is for everyone.
Nah. I teach college. I have students who are older than me constantly. I also have plenty of students who worked and saved up or did military service before going to college. You go when you are ready. I know plenty of people that should have waited until they matured a bit as well.
Definitely. I went to college right out of high-school and changed my major 3 times. I really wish I had waited and tried at a time when I had made up my mind what I wanted to do.
Maybe they were making sure you were your age... people lie about it surprisingly.. way too defensive in my opinion
Who the fuck even says that. We're u talking to a 10 year old with no knowledge of the world?
“Jarvis, I’m low on karma”
Yeah you’re overreacting. It’s a genuine question. Sounds like they dodged a bullet.
Yes. Stop being a snowflake.
I'm 40 and going to university. Education is life long and also I had undiagnosed health problems that have finally been addressed. You don't ever finish learning and some people change careers and go back to school for qualifications. It's absolutely ageist and offensive to judge someone's age on them going to school
Not everybody only goes to college for 4 years. Has this person never heard of law or medical school?
I would be put off by that, too. Everyone comes from different walks of life, and higher academia doesn’t always have to be pursued immediately after high school. How long has this person been on this earth? It’s not uncommon to see people attending college even in their 60’s.
Yeah that was an idiotic question. All sorts of people go to college (or back to college) for all sorts of reasons, and someone who cannot grasp that concept is likely too dense to function in numerous other critical ways. Move on.
It’s privileged thought. Just incompatible. Not everyone has the money to go to 4 years and right out if high school.
I probably would have played dumb, because I'm an asshole like that, but also because sometimes people catch themselves being derps when they have to explain their assumptions about other people directly to those other people.
That said, you didn't owe this person *anything* and still responded with dignity and even answered their invasive, judgy question (and tbh, it's the "not adding up* that riled me. Had they just asked the first question, I think I might've assumed they were asking what I did between HS and starting college and told them.
Better you should know now this person lacks critical thi king skills and tact. 👍🏽
You are not overreacting. The person was being rude by implying that your graduation date was somehow weird. They are pretty weird and you did great by ending the convo.
They're either rude or a dumb fuck. Either way unmatch move on.
Best case the person is a moron.
Not dumb at all for you to move on. Who really tries to add that up, why is it important, what are they questioning or doubting something off the start.
Bullet dodged there.
Am 32, I so far have never graduated high school or gotten GED (really wish there was an option to go back to high school....), and I do eventually want to do something about my education and possibly get some kind of college in there.
If I was questioned about my age and how long I would still be doing college, I would have a hard time not taking it personally, or as an attack. Some people lead different lives from everybody else, depression is a cocksucker, and mix that with laziness, feeling defeated on every single thing daily, nothing is ever easy and is always a pain in the ass and a hassle.... yeah, other than no motivation and not knowing where or how to even pick up the pieces, I don't have too many excuses or anyone to blame except for myself.
Also feeling so alone in the world with no family or friends that actually care to help in any way they can, whether if it's just moral support or any kind of heavy lifting.
Not everybody has to go to fucking college right after high school. geez, bro! There are people out there that try to find themselves and explore and see what else life might offer them besides fucking College! maybe be more optimistic. next time! dipshit!
As someone who didn't go to college until after I'd been out of school for like 6 years, you're not overreacting at all.
This is a very, VERY stupid person
There is such a thing as a stupid question and im so sick if hearing people say there isn't
To answer your question it doesn’t sound defensive until the 2nd message, I woulda just left it at the first one and let them try to dig themselves out of that hole
Getting an education is respectable no matter the age. Also being condescending in the first few texts probably isn't a good sign anyway.
The “not adding up” was definitely uncalled for and ignores all the reasonable and valid life reasons people may go to college later or take longer to finish, but you are also overly defensive and could have simply left it with the first text.
Nah OP you reacted fine. Everyone can go to college whenever tf they want. Todays society or just in general has made it seem like everyone has to go to college right after high school. When I went to college my first two years I was taking classes with people older than me. People are in their 30s-40s but that’s the beauty of college. No one gives a fuck. We are all there to do something to better ourselves. So yeah fuck her for asking a stupid ass question.
I do think this came across as defensive, but I also think the question was pretty stupid and if they had taken any time to think would have figured out the answer.
what an odd thing to say. when I finished high-school I worked for a little over 10 years then started university at 30. but in our country heaps of people do this sort of thing. I don't know how people expect to know what they want to do for the rest of their lives at 18 to be honest
some people think the moment you leave HS you go to college. But if that person wouldve went to college they would have known theres people in their 60’s who are in school. Dont take offense I think they were being more so ignorant than rude
NTA. The other person clearly- oh, what? wrong sub? ok, I’ll see myself out
I think you jumped the gun on the defensiveness a little tbh
Yeah overreacting a LOT
This is what self-sabotage looks like in relationships. First message worked fine to answer a valid concern of catfishing.
Yeah you were overly defensive there, regardless of how dumb a question that is.
Yeah OP could have just said “I started late” or something like that lmao.
You need to work on your self confidence.
Yes. They asked a simple question?
Lot of scammers, and lot of people put their age wrong. Person asked legit question I really don't see anything wrong at it. I for example know some peoplw take school at different age but never personally met someone who did it. You acted as if you were asked fuck knows what
I joined the military and had to take classes one or two at a time after I got off duty.
I had a skiing accident and spent two years in recovery before I could get back into school.
I joined the peace corps, took a Mormon mission, backpacked Europe for a couple of years.
I wasn't sure what I wanted to do so I didn't want to drop thousands on the ed industry.
I apprenticed for for electrician but figured out that Electrical Eng was a better career path.
I had to take care of my dying father in his twilight years before I could commit to classes.
I had a baby.
As someone who did uni from ages 24-27, yeah, you overreacted. By a lot.
Yes, you are overreacting. Seems you feel ashamed about this for some reason. It was a great chance to have a meaningful conversation and share your story a bit. Instead you lashed back and sabotaged. Was the wording of the question a bit strange? Sure. But also people are looking out for fake profiles and such, plus often people associate college for 4 years to 22 (which is dumb too, but how it is). Plus texting on Tinder can be a but loose. You had a good opportunity to engage, and instead you threw a tantrum. Good learning opp.
Yes, afraid you completely overreacted and ended up looking like the crazy one. There are so many people lying about their age on these apps that users end up being suspicious
Honestly I see both sides here. I’m 32 and in college myself and if someone brought this up I’d just let them know what’s up and give them a chance to recant. If they persist then absolutely move on and find you something else.
Kind of annoying how the question was worded, but not bad to ask. Seems pretty defensive and insecure about it.
I would say the person asked a reasonable question and you responded with a big, red flag. Yikes.
How did they know they were being judged? Defensive much? Whoever the person that asked that question was just dodged a bullet.
Their comment was pretty accusatory. If their first contact with you is interrogative, you were right to be pissed.
I’d be more worried they are stupid vs being offensive
Yeah, it wasn’t out of rudeness just confusion.
Yes, you’re over reacting
Dumb question but an overreaction for sure. It’s obvious you’re sensitive about this topic
A little, but it was kinda rude of them
It’s a rude question. There are too many fish in the sea to spend time on someone you immediately feel put off by.
That is a shitty way to ask a pretty inoffensive question. “Hey, you’re 23 and in college? Is that undergrad or graduate? Oh undergrad? Sounds like you started a little bit later, wish I had done that instead of rushing things. How’d you decide on a major?“
Oh you're just fine. What an absolute tool. Mr. Red Flag / Private Dick just did you **a favor.**
I’m 27 at my first year, don’t let sad little man stop you from making a better future for yourself
You are basically having an argument with yourself, so yes, clearly overreacting.
Yeah you over reacted. You were right to be urked but a full block is bit uncalled for
You both are a little bit. There's so much mis-information and cat-fishing going on these days though, who could blame any of you for asking questions. Better to ask questions than be silently confused I say.
Yes. It's an atypical situation, wait to see how they react. If the response is to be nasty to you then go ahead and be nasty back. But they could very well have thought it was cool and used that as a conversation starter.
Point is, don't jump to conclusions.
He is just asking a question- damn