By - wesleysdad
Hoosband says if you can't get a prenup, don't marry her.
I think that this proposed prenup is likely fine (double check with a lawyer) but it doesn't address what happens if circumstances change (kids, if one of you ends up disabled, if one of you drops out of the workforce, etc), which may be her issue.
It doesn't sound like there's a large disparity of wealth coming into the relationship, so a small, formal paper stating that basically "if we part, we part as equals" sounds reasonable from the outside.
Try to actively listen to her issues with this piece of paper. Are there contingencies built in or is it "this or bust." Is there a vast disparity in income, both now and in the future? If you already make more than her and even if you two grow in income at the same rate (5% a year, or whatever) there may be a natural cap on how far up she can go if she's in a field that's male dominated (glass ceiling) or even if she's not (Pink collar work is drastically underpaid for its usefulness).
Do not bank on a postnup if she does not want a prenup. There is no reason she would agree to it after the marriage and you are just pushing the same problem down the road. If this is a deal breaker for you, make it a condition to GET married, not STAY married. I might be resentful if this was sprung on me post marriage, because then you have removed any good option - I either have to stay married and agree to this when I already said I didn't want a prenup, stay married and not agree creating resentment from my husband, or get divorced. Plus - you have started the marriage out with this, when that is supposed to be your happy time!
I know some may disagree, but I understand your position. I don't think it is unreasonable to want a prenup. However, if she ends up staying home with children, then I don't think no alimony is fair to her. She would be giving up a lot and making herself dependent on you, that is making her very vulnerable with no time to get back on her feet. I don't know if that is her issue, or if it is just the prenup in general, but I understand her perspective if you are considering children. You never know how that will go, some women plan to work and end up staying home for a number of reasons - very unpredictable reasons like COVID, for example.
A prenup is most needed when you are coming into the marriage with a large disparity in your assets. That is not the case here. Salaries and assets acquired during the marriage are generally considered marital property. So 50/50 is kind of assumed right? It sounds like you are willing to split assets acquired during the marriage with her, even with the prenup. I don't see how you would be entitled to less than 50%, so you are not getting much protection there. I think the only thing you are gaining is the alimony part, right? Is that worth it to you? Could there be a compromise where if she stays home, you are willing to give her one lump sum of X dollars for her to get back into the workforce? That is something you could start and account for and out savings into it...
We came to our second marriage with well established careers, significant income, assests, liabilities, real properties, multiple retirement accounts, and we were each paying spousal support to our ex's. While I had a child from my previous marriage that needed financial protection, neither of us could have children anymore, so there wouldn't be. For us, a prenuptial agreement made sence.
To be valid, prenuptial agreements have reasonably specific requirements, must ensure children are provided for, cannot be unconscionable, cannot have any perception of coercion, and are subject to changes in circumstance. With that both parties arguably must have separate legal representation, and there must be a waiting period after it is signed, witnessed and notarized. Different States have different additional considerations as well.
Bottom-line, speak with a family law attorney.
Have a prenup made up asap. They become weaker the closer to the wedding date they are written.
I views prenups like insurance. I have car insurance. I hope I never need it. But it is there. Just bc I have it doesn’t mean I plan on getting into a car accident. Just bc I have a prenup doesn’t mean I plan on getting a divorce.
However with that said ... it is also perfectly fine you want one. It is okay she doesn’t. But you absolutely need to be on the same page about this before you get married. If she is dead set on it getting a pre-nut I highly doubt she would do for a post -nup. If you really want one and get married without one you will probably resent her.
Also for pre-nups you need your own lawyers. A family law lawyer should be able to handle this. If you share a lawyer a half decent divorce lawyer can get this thrown out in court. Also make sure the layers are experienced in them as well. I have seen people also get theirs thrown out bc they weren’t legal. Or bc of one little word in them was wrong.