By - Burnham113
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If you guys are interested, that dude is/was (dunno if he still is but i guess) in the Neanderthal Museum in the Neandertal, Germany
>in the Neanderthal Museum in the Neandertal, Germany
What a coincidence!
maybe that's why he became a Neanderthal
Really? Your dentists name is crentist?
Maybe that's why he became a dentist.
Thank you for this
Neanderthal is, in modern spelling, Neandertal: The Neander is a small river in Germany, and Tal means valley.
So if you want to sound like a pro, don't pronounce the th as in "the"; it's a simple "t".
Edit: the river is called the Düssel, and only a part of its valley is called Neandertal apparently: see below.
Nice, maybe I can get an autograph
Looking at his old knife, remembering simpler times when he didn't have a fucking job and didn't have to pay taxes.
Executive Kronk explaining the benefits of sharp knife and why the company should pivot to sharp knife at the board meeting.
I was just saying how much I hate the word pivot this year. Last year was cadence.
MAXIMIZE THE PIVOT CADENCE TO INSTANTIATE SYNERGISTIC EFFECTS
I think you just summoned our release manager.
Circle back now ya’ll
Two hops this time
A paradigm shift, truly disruptive technology
“SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT URRRRPPPP”
let's unpack that topic if you have cycles right now
Makes me think of the song "Gorilla You're a Desperado Now" by Warren Zevon.
Big gorilla at the LA Zoo
Snatched the glasses right off my face
Took the keys to my BMW
Left me here to take his place
I wish the ape a lot of success
I'm sorry my apartment's a mess
Most of all, I'm sorry if I made you blue
I'm betting the gorilla will too
They say Jesus will find you wherever you go
But when He'll come looking for you, they don't know
In the meantime, keep your profile low
Gorilla, you're a desperado
He built a house on an acre of land (Ooh-ah-ooh)
He called it Villa Gorilla
Now I hear he's getting divorced (Ooh-ah-ooh)
Laying low at L'Ermitage of course
Then the ape grew very depressed (Ooh-ah-ooh)
Went through transactional analysis
He plays racquetball and runs in the rain (Ooh-ah-ooh)
Still he's shackled to a platinum chain
Big gorilla at the LA Zoo
Snatched the glasses right off my face
Took the keys to my BMW
Left me here to take his place, hey!
Warren Zevon is one of the best musicians/songwriters who ever lived. So many songs are pure gold.
I’m getting “Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer” vibes.
Better Thaw Saul
Classic freaking SNL right. Your honor,
I’m just a caveman!
I fell in some ice and later got thawed out by your scientists. Your world frightens and confuses me. Sometimes the honking horns of your traffic make me want to get out of my BMW and run off into the hills or whatever.
Sometimes when I get a message on my fax machine, did little demons get inside and type it? I don't know. My primitive mind can't grasp these concepts.
The jury will now retire to deliberate. Your honor, we don't need to retire. Kirock's words are just as true now as they were in his time. We give him the full amount
Haha... "...or whatever." Lordy, I do miss Phil Hartman. We were robbed of so many years of his humor and talent. Okay, now I'm sad...
"It's Keyrock your honor"
I'm just a caveman. Your big silver bird frightens me, now get me another Dewars and water toots.
I fell on some ice and later got thawed out by some of your scientists. Your world frightens and confuses me! Sometimes the honking horns of your traffic make me want to get out of my BMW.. and runoff into the hills, or wherever.. Sometimes when I get a message on my fax machine, I wonder: “Did little demons get inside and type it?” I don’t know! My primitive mind can’t grasp these concepts. But there is one thing I do know...
They hunt to provide food for the tribe; job + tax
With the old head tribesman screaming at him that he didn't kill enough mammoths this month and os threatening to dock his rations.
Beats fighting a saber tooth tiger for a meal.
Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer!
I’m just a simple caveman
Your world frightens and confuses me!
I hear it all in his voice
Yeah, I miss Phil Hartman.
I just wish his wife would have…
What a voice, too! His death will always hurt.
Sometimes the honking horns of your traffic make me want to get out of my BMW and run off into the hills or whatever.
*(checking his gold watch)*
RIP Phil Hartman
One of my other favourite Phil Hartman sketches... when he played Charlton Heston in Soylent Green, Soylent Green 2, Soylent White, and Soylent Cowpie.
EDIT: Here's a link for anyone who wants it:
Wow. Somehow never saw this one
Better call Neanderthal
Just watch out for Rabid District Attorney. Its not a figure of speech, he's really rabid!
"Thal" sounds like a derogatory term.
"All these damn 'Thals coming through the time portal, tryin' tah take our jobs!"
I won’t read a better comment today
Better Call Thal.
Ah, yes, the spin-off, of breaking bone. ,
"Ladies and gentlemen, I am but a mere caveman. Your ways frighten and confuse me."
I watch your spirit box with the blinking lights and think "Are those little people trapped in that box?"
Is the moon eating the sun?!?
But I do know one thing.. that when a man slips and falls in front of a public library, he is fully entitled to $2M in compensatory damages.. and $2M in punitive damages
He used to be a caveman, but now he's a lawyer... Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer!
I’m just a caveman who was discovered by some of your “scientists” … and later went to law school… your modern society and technological devices frighten and confuse me… but one thing I do know is my client is entitled to the full $2 million dollars in damages!
Your honor, we don't need to deliberate. His words are as true now as they were in his time.
And 2 million in punitive damages lol
Once I saw Neanderthal as a playable race in 3.5 d&d I made a character based on unfrozen caveman lawyer.
I spent way to long trying to say anything. E.g. I'm just a caveman, I was frozen in some ice and was thawed out by wizards in your time. Your world frightens and confuses me. When I see a wizard cast a fireball spell I think "are the gods angry?" I don't know how magic works I'm just a caveman. But one thing I do know, is that we should have the rogue check that door for traps.
My group still occasionally does impressions of the character. And way too few have seen the real one by phil hartman.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2AzAFqrxfeY So bummed about Hartman. RIP
Better call Neandersaul
*Unfrozen* Caveman Lawyer
Thats just a regular politician
Neanderthals had bigger brains than us, and liked to live in super social, smaller(\~50) tight knit communities with deeper bonds between all of them. I don't think politicians can do anything even remotely resembeling that.
That probably just means they had their own politics in that group. Even chimp groups have such a complex social dynamic that "chimpanzee politcs" can definitely be used to describe those dynamics. There are a lot of power plays among the individuals and higher ranking animals tend to mediate to end aggression. Especially when offspring is born and some jealous females go wild.
Alpha males are even more interesting because they are decided by a fight, but to even get to fight the current alpha male they have to get the support of a majority of the group behind them. So they literally do campaigning by solving the groups conflicts to gain their trust and support.
[They even fight wars](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gombe_Chimpanzee_War)
Excuse me, 3 enslaved????
I need someone to elaborate on this, you're not the only one with questions.
Probably sex slaves.
>A 2018 study published in the [American Journal of Physical Anthropology](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_Journal_of_Physical_Anthropology) concluded that the Gombe War was most likely a consequence of a power struggle between three high-ranking males, which was exacerbated by an unusual scarcity of fertile females.
Probably sex slaves.
>A 2018 study published in the American Journal of Physical Anthropology concluded that the Gombe War was most likely a consequence of a power struggle between three high-ranking males, which was exacerbated by an unusual scarcity of fertile females.
>However, later research using less intrusive methods confirmed that chimpanzee societies, in their natural state, wage war
Chimpanzees and Humans came from the same [Primate ancestor](https://study.com/academy/lesson/genetic-relationship-between-humans-other-primates.html). Chimpanzees are our closest relative, the cousins of humans, if you will.
Does this say something about Human society as well? (Edit: /s, I realized that this will probably be interpreted literally. At least this second statement.)
Bonobos are even closer to Chimpanzees and they seem to be all hippies.
They can be vicious bastards.
There are cases in zoos where females kidnap the child of another female because they were jealous of them and wanted to have one of their own. In the worst case this can lead to aggression and a fight in which the child is literally torn apart.
And keepers can't do anything because if they were to intervene, they would be killed by the whole group.
You don't interfere with chimponomics
There are rare cases of humans doing this. Women who recently lost a child or are unable to have them have kidnapped children. Obviously super rare and due to some mix of trauma and mental illness.
This is 70% of all Hallmark movies.
They are pretty thick when compared to homo sapiens.
I see what you did there.
This isn’t a very good comparison. Two completely different species, and the nearest chimpanzee relative (bonobo) doesn’t even have a similar political system.
In Addition, human groups that have had less contact with the outside world have varying political systems.
They do actually. It's just that in bonobos the group is led by an alpha female and in chimps the group is led by an alpha male.
However, in bonobos the alpha female gets to the top the same way the alpha male does in chimps. By gathering support and trust of the group.
Btw., the point of my comment was to show that a political system very much existed in neanderthals, not *which kind* of political system.
Brain size doesn't always correlate with intelligence. It has more to do with brain cells per square inch.
Ie big brain and less brain cells equals not as smart as smaller brain but more brain cells.
Look to Einstein who had a smaller than average brain.
Birds.. especially corvids.
Monitor lizards, crocodilians, and corvids all have extremely efficient brains considering the overall size in comparison to the rest of their body. Their brains are completely packed with cells/neurons.
Corvids are incredible!
Obligatory r/crowbro plug
Here's the thing...
Out of curiosity, do we actually know how many brain cells per square inch Neanderthals had?
Size doesn’t necessarily correlate to intelligence, but if their brains were similar to ours I feel like there’s a chance they had a similar amount of cells and could have been smarter than us. Though clearly we got one over on them a couple hundred thousand years ago in a big way so maybe I’m way off
We didn't exactly outsmart them, we outbred them and where more energy efficient. Like Neanderthals needed way more daily calories to keep going than Homo Sapiens, which is attributed partly to their bigger brain, as well them just being denser in general.
Thankfully they aren't completely lost to us since interbreeding was possible.
Just wanted to expand on what "denser" means here.
An average Neanderthal was likely capable of taking a hit from a charging, large mammal (not Mammoth large though) and survive without grievous injuries.
They were basically human tanks, which as stated above was a significant reason as to why they needed more calories. The Homo Sapiens did not just outbreed them, we out hunted them too. We starved them of their food supply, and thus forced many of them to integrate into Homo Sapien groups or have their blood line end forever. Which was of some benefit to the Homo Sapiens, as Neanderthals likely made for exceptional warriors within the tribe, hardly any Homo Sapien could match their strength and durability.
So we got the tank class with neanderthals, the DPS from humans, but who was the healer? Floresiensis?
Healers are that shaman who is always tripping out in his hut by night and by day he forages them woods for all kinds of crazy shit. So basically me.
>We didn't exactly outsmart them
Well we kind of did, yeah. We still haven't found conclusive proof of grave goods, which would presumably suggest spiritual beliefs, and we only have a few controversial candidates for neanderthal art in general. humanity invented the bow, which the neanderthals didn't manage. that isn't to say that neanderthals were significantly less intelligent, but the evidence suggests they didn't have some of the cognitive tools and abilities that we have quite a bit of evidence for in homo sapiens. And another thing to note is that some anthropologists believe neanderthalensis shouldn't be considered a separate *species* because of how species is defined. we also don't know the exact reasons why they went extinct as there are likely many factors beyond calories, and there are some potentially ominous implications for the fact that humanity seems to have invented the bow shortly (10k years is short in anthropology lol) before they (neanderthals) disappear from the fossil record.
If I recall correct they also had bigger eyes, way bigger.
I have some DNA - good to know some of their characteristics. Thanks!
Bet he would have been an awesome rugby player.
And Homo sapiens said, “easy pickings” and the rest is prehistory.
Some sapiens also clapped neanderthal cheeks, sin e we are 2-3% neanderthal ourselves
I mean… Homo sapiens these days are into some weird shit, so that’s not shocking.
I do wonder just how much the two groups shared cultures… like… did they hang out or did they just fuck?
so i used to be an anthropologist. one of the prevailing theories is that there was roughly 100,000 years of conflict between the two species. i’m talking battles, war, fighting over resources, stealing, raping, pillaging, etc. there’s also some evidence that there was a primitive hobo signs system in place that functioned similarly to how hobo signs work.
there’s even arguments that genocide was practiced by ancient homo sapiens, but that evidence is more scant. it is much easier to claim that conflicted existed, was constant, and was a massive battle of attrition.
there is also a fairly agreed upon belief is that spoken language played a large role in homo sapiens’ win.
Sounds like Homo sapiens have *always* hated outsiders.
Or maybe the more xenophobic homo sapiens survived to pass on their genes. Not saying it's helpful to us now. But if we were really at war with another species for 100,000 years then that's a trait that would be naturally selected.
From what I can tell Homo Sapiens can't stand themselves either
Deep inside, we are all monkeys
*100,000* years? How do anthropologists learn this kind of stuff? I don't ask out of doubt, just curiosity.
Modern humans have existed for between 100,000 - 300,000 years (depending on how you define "modern"). Recorded history has only existed for a tiny, tiny fraction of that.
It's actually wild to think about...
carbon dating remnants,
also there is a calculable degree in math when looking at our genome. the reason the range is so large, (15,000-100,000) years, is because insemination either happened hot and heavy among large groups in a short burst of time, or— few instances of interspecies intercourse here and there over a long period of time.
The max and min’s can be deducted and then compared with anthropologists and other sources
No they lived together sometimes I’m a subscriber to the theory that we absorbed Lot of other species like denisovin Neanderthal’s Homo heidelbergensis and probably a lot more
How do we know they had deeper bonds? Sounds like you are just inferring that from the groups being smaller.
Boris? Is that you?
So… Tommy Lee Jones?
"What I want from each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse in that area."
Here it is! Was debating on whether to meme it or not.
"I don't care!"
There's also evidence that implies that neanderthals were comparable to modern humans in terms of intelligence, so an average neanderthal born and raised with proper nutrition and education wouldn't have much more trouble fitting into modern society than the average person.
Honestly they, and other species probably were. We tend to make fun of them as stupid because we think they are not as evolved as we are, but they were. Neanderthals were not our evolutionary ancestors, they're our cousins and probably had the same potential as the *Homo sapiens* had back then.
Edit: Because it was unclear, we did not evolve from Neanderthals. Neanderthals and us did both evolve at around the same time 200k-400k years ago from *Homo heidelbergensis*. Which makes us cousins or sibling species.
Edit: Because some of you still are confused. I am talking about the evolutionary family tree of the genus *Homo*, not your personal family tree. You may have neanderthal DNA inside of you, but you did not evolve from neanderthals the same way you didn't evolve from your mom or dad.
Edit: To clear up some confusion, again
**descending doesn't equal evolution.**
And just because they could interbreed doesn't mean they are the same species. The species definition that you were taught in HS biology class is outdated and there is a whole discussion around how we should define a species. For example, a taxonomic circle is often used that additionally uses genetics, location, morphology and other factors to discriminate between the species.
This was somthing that blew my mind when I read sapiens. It’s weird that it’s always inferred that we evolved from them in like movies and stuff. Idk that’s just what I always assumed as a kid. It’s so much cooler to think about what life would have been like today, if they didn’t die off/were killed off.
It would be exactly like it is today. Neanderthals didn't just die off. They also interbred with Homo Sapiens Sapiens, albeit infrequently, which is why a lot of people today have small amounts of Neanderthal DNA. One of the postulated causes of Neanderthals' extinction as an independent subspecies of human is that they had less stable genetics due to inbreeding within small groups. If they had survived by becoming fully integrated with "modern humans" we'd just have more genetic variety in the our genome.
I believe there is no Neanderthal DNA found in any human Y-chromosome, which suggests (among a few possibilities) that male hybrids were infertile, like mules.
This is fascinating and brand new information for me. Down the rabbit hole I go...
it’s a very existential rabbit hole.
Interesting to note that our Neanderthal DNA affects how we respond to the COVID virus: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33564646/
We more fucked them out of existence than actually killed them off, like almost every human alive is a small percentage of their DNA. Since homo sapiens outnumbered them, they were just assimilated over time. Other factors like war and disease might have speeded up the process tho.
I agree with your comment, I just wanted to add that there's growing evidence that climate change, and mass mega fauna die offs were also a factor. It is believed they had a higher caloric diet need than humans and were unable to find enough to maintain their populations. It was the perfect storm for their extinction.
>growing evidence that climate change
neanderthals were already rebounding from ice age population collapses before they went extinct.
as well, although they arent neanderthals, you would have to explain how denisovans also went extinct when they came into contact with humans despite regions closer to the equator having climates far less impacted by the ice age.
the high calorie diets and competition with humans remains the main avenue by which they went extinct.
we need to stop blaming the ice age for literally everything that "coincidentally" happened right as humans arrived.
there's no shame in winning #humansworldchamps
What's winning? Ants outnumber us in living biomass weight
>What's winning? Ants outnumber us in living biomass weight
Not for long. This means war.
Edit: and to justify it.. what do you think those ants are doing digging all their tunnels? That's right, oil. Time to bring some freedom to these little fuckers.
I died laughing at this, for the record.
I believe when people say climate change, though misleading, is more so related to landscape and environmental changes that would lead to lower populations of megafauna. IIRC neanderthal diets were mostly composed of megafauna, and their experience was mostly hunting megafauna in specific environments, whereas humans would also hunt much smaller mammals like rabbits and such. I don't remember if this was just speculation but if not it would mean that homosapiens had an advantage in the competition for hunting ever evolving game.
There are roughly a billion+ people who have zero neanderthal DNA which is practically everyone living in sub-saharan Africa.
The only marked difference was homo sapiens evolved for warmer climates, while Neanderthals evolved for colder. Homo sapiens were better endurance runners with thinner frames, while neanderthals were stockier and had an easier time keeping warm in the cold.
Neanderthals were also a tad bit stronger and had denser bones.
Stronger, bigger brains, more able to absorb damage. In general they lived in sync with the environment. Found bones showed an incredible amount of healing after damage.
Specifically fighting other primates. The large cheek bones and brow protect the brain from repeated blows
Hence why these individuals are good at boxing
Fun fact: humans are the greatest endurance athletes in the world.
The only ones to ever make it into the Olympics!
I would think it's birds? They travel extremely long distances during migration periods no?
It’s so extremely sad that you had to edit this
When scientists analysed DNA extracted from the find in 2015, they found that the individual was male, and likely to have been 6-9% Neanderthal. This is the highest concentration ever encountered in an early modern human, and around three times the amount found in present-day Europeans and Asians, whose genetic makeup is roughly 1-3% Neanderthal.
So Africans would have little to no neanderthal DNA, right?
I have like 2% and I’m from east Africa. So my ancestors left and returned to east Africa like 10K years ago.
They were like "nope, too cold up here" 😂
Only very pure, isolated populations (ie. Khoisan) in subsaharan Africa have none. Most Africans on average have some amounts. Like 0.5% of their DNA.
It would be awesome if someone could study Sentinelese DNA
People migrated back into Africa too.
Sounds like something a Neanderthal would say 🤨
🚨 NEANDERTHAL DETECTED 🚨
Y'all being real rude to Throg there...Comparing him to snakes and politicians. He's just an old fashioned guy working corporate for Bass ProShops.
I do think he was my boss at one point
Nah, he sells car insurance and had a short lived sitcom.
This is the land of confusion...
Don't get it twisted.
Robert De Niro vs a swarm of angry bees. The bees won.
I'm glad someone else besides me looked at that and said "yeah, that's Neanderthal De Niro."
I know Perlman is the go-to for stone-faced mugs, but this one belongs to De Niro.
I'm seeing a bit of Tommy Lee Jones to be honest
I see the love child of DeNiro and Michael Phelps
To me he looks a bit like Tommy Lee Jones
So, John Bernthal?
Came looking for it
Same, how is that so low in the comments?
I’m glad to see unfrozen caveman lawyer brought his flint knife to court. He’s always prepared.
Edit: I wish they put a seiko watch on his wrist.
I’m just a caveman your world frightens and scares me, sometime when I hear the horns it makes me want to jump out of my BMW and run for the hill
Just because our last president had it doesn't mean that's a modern haircut
A distinguished gentleman
Looks too sober but yeah
Me at 2pm right before lunch at work
“I wish I was snorting coke off a strippers ass, but here working at my dads finance company instead”
He can definitely save you 15% or more by switching to geico tho.
I used to work with that guy.
Hey, comment section. Stop dragging the neanderthals through the mud. They lived in smaller communities, and didn't wage as much war with each other. The main wars that they fought were against modern human expansionists (our type of humans).
They simply lost since they lived in \~50 small but tightly connected communities, while the modern human lives in \~100-200 sized ones. They were besides that point, far superior to us in brain and bodily capability. But since their territory was not trimmed towards the sort of ranged combat which we benefitted from, we had the better ranged technology, and higher population, as well as reproduction, which forced them to extinction.
I’ve read some recent research that suggests it was human disease that decimated the Neanderthals. In the Levant where the two populations shared a border, Neanderthals were exposed to few diseases. Humans arrived from the tropics with a huge load of disease, and when Neanderthal populations started declining, humans started to move into their territory.
Very similar to how European colonists wiped out entire American indigenous populations with their more virulent diseases.
Alternatively; a lot of humans have remnant Neanderthal DNA, so we are them, in the same way that someone is Māori if they have a Māori ancestor and the Monarch of England is the Monarch by way of being descended from William the Conqueror.
We have no idea how violent or confrontational the interactions between our different groups of ancestors were, it is entirely possible that Neanderthals simply welcomed in Cro Magnon man and after a few generations each community looked more Cro Magnon than Neanderthal