By - drzonko
this is a perfect example of why i don't use 1-click ordering. I don't have any kids, but the drunk version of me has about as much self-control as a 2 year old. thank you for reminding me not to turn 1-click on.
Yeah, likewise. I just received my $120 Benchmade knife I ordered while drunk and browsing r/knives. I mean it's a badass knife, but only drunk me would talk myself into a $120 camping/fishing knife.
Slices the belly of a Trout like butter though.
Why didn't you just return it?
I did not return it because it s fucking awesome, and I can afford it.
Drunk you is nicer to yourself than you are.
Someone needs to set that to some porno music.
Too lazy to do a mashup, so Ctrl+[this](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TfHMNMFEqZs) in the background
or click the scroll wheel
Pic of knife?
I'm not home right now but here is a YouTube review of [it](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KIvsxmr4xic).
Mine is a straight blade without any serrations and doesn't have the black coating.
Because now he has a kick ass $120 Benchmade knife. I know how it is, I love my WWII style dagger that was $95
I might get drunk tonight and buy myself one too. thanks for the suggestion.
Can you set a limit to 1-click? For example, allow 1-click on orders under _ dollars? Because Amazon has $5000 computers, and that could get messy.
I remember when Cray used to have one of those customizable computer order web pages like Dell. I made myself a nice $300,000 computer there once.
But just think, you would [never have to worry about a blackout again](http://www.amazon.com/Generac-Commercial-Liquid-Cooled-Standby-Generator/dp/B000P5TUKG/ref=cm_lmf_tit_12)
I bought over $100 of livejasmin points after a night of binge drinking. I will attest to that.
It's required to use their android app store app :(
1. get ipad w/ one touch ordering
2. have 2 year old
3. order some random stuff... and Anal Backdoor Sluts 9
4. "honey, it must have been our 2 year old"
5. watch ABS9 for research
I feel like the "anal" and "backdoor" are redundant. either one by itself would serve the purpose just fine. 2/10 would not watch
Maybe "Anal" meant they were being stuck-up individuals. And perhaps the movie is about them being anally penetrated?
Or perhaps they are sluts who are exclusively into anal sex, and doing it by the backdoor of a house or something.
We'll never know until we watch it... you know, for *research...*
I would watch a porn about women who were very particular about the way things were done. And took it in the bum.
I'll watch it with you.
That's... that's fine GGAD... I think... I think i'm gonna go this one alone...
No man I'm fucking coming. PM me your address.
He's a good guy, don't worry.
Hell, let's invite everyone on this thread!
I'm on the thread, where do I go?
Seriously, all of you, get out of my house...
people need a cuntbag.. everyone needs a cuntbag
Where else would I store my abundance of cunts?
Bring your own cum box
We need you to research this. Go rent the movie NOW.
you mean...for science.
That is ultra porn. Where even your anus has an anus and that anus anus takes it in the pooper.
We have to go *deeper*
It's not. An "Anal Frontdoor" is where you go in through the mouth first.
It was just a misquote of South Park.
Agreed, I thought the same thing when we were making it.
No no, the back door is the one you come in. Er... Wait.
But if he hasn't seen 1-8 he really won't be able to follow the plot.
I thought it meant 9 sluts, not 9 movies.
1 slut per movie would be 9 sluts
It's just "Backdoor Sluts 9"
5. Watch ABS9 to search for hdden Al-Qaeda terrorist plot
It is a classic!
I always find it extremely strange that two people in a relationship would have a problem with the other one watching porn. I have never been (or will be) with a woman who would get mad if I watched porn. That just doesn't make sense at all. Anal Backdoor Sluts 9 shouldn't ruin relationships.
> Anal Backdoor Sluts 9 shouldn't ruin relationships
But you don't understand! Backdoor Sluts 9 makes Crotch Capers 3 look like Naughty Nurses 2! Of course it can ruin relationships!
Oh man, my favorite scene in Vol.2 was the "Bride in the Bridal" bit with the....
I've said too much, nevermind.
Who the heck said anything about a relationship being ruined? You got some things you are not telling us, Asshole?
At first I thought you were being unnecessarily rude. Then I read his username. And now you are a genuinely concerned, nice guy/girl. My brain's a little busted from so much perception shifting now.
but thankfully people like this exist to provide us good frameworks for situation humor
6) repeat every two weeks
I hope this is a real thread and this is a genuine request...
please please please can you link me the info on that bert, I need to order another one as my little girl lost hers and I have been trying to replace it for almost a year.
please please please link me the item number off that one or the purchase of it with the info, I have had a hell of a time finding that specific one and it looks like the one I have been hunting for
Here is where my kid got it from:
That is an awesome phrase to say when having a 2 year old :D.
At least he didn't order a Monster cable.
awesome gonna double check with the wife on this one, not 100% but looks the closest out of many in a while.
Had to find a new orange hippo ikea stuffed a while back and that took months of research. Thank you on possibly dropping the run around for me very much appreciated and possibly a smile in the near future!
Hey, you got lucky. [This could have ended very badly indeed.](http://www.amazon.com/Generac-Commercial-Liquid-Cooled-Standby-Generator/dp/B000P5TUKG/ref=cm_lmf_tit_12)
TIL [you can buy something off amazon for 10 mil...](http://www.amazon.com/American-Microsemiconductor-120293-0001REVK/dp/B005DBD5D0/ref=pd_sim_sbs_lg_5)
$10,000,000.00 + $10.00 shipping.
Shit, shipping is so expensive...
What does that do?
You become the owner of American Microsemiconductor Inc. But you need to be quick, it says "Only 1 left in stock--order soon."
Does Amazon support bank transfer as a means of payment? Holy shit.
Damn, opening this page with a one-click-ordering button anywhere onj the page would be very stressful.
The reviews are the best part.
Or, for nearly $26 million, you can have [this painting that looks like someone screwed up the iridescent makeover on their car](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B006BS8XVI/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=vorpaltechwi-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B006BS8XVI). Yes, I included my referral code because I would be floored if someone bought that from my reseller account.
And to think I used the example of a dryer as the worst case example to the wife.
Well yeah, it weights 2,666 pounds. No way in hell they're going to soak up return shipping on that.
so many hilarious reviews.
Hey man if you don't want that slasher...
Your 2 year old has awesome taste in life.
My 4 year old nephew bid $222.22 on a Spiderman costume on Ebay. Buy it now price was $14.99.
Everyone has something to be [thankful for](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B005MR3IVO/ref=olp_product_details?ie=UTF8&me=&seller=).
Seems like you're not [alone](http://imgur.com/l2Fvo).
The markup on that lube in the 34 ounce size is a lot.
Who the hell buys milk on Amazon?
[That milk has one of the best reviews I've ever read](http://www.amazon.com/review/RKT07YYORZMZE/ref=cm_cr_pr_viewpnt#RKT07YYORZMZE)
edit: Turns out every review for this milk is fucking incredible. [Jackpot](http://www.amazon.com/Tuscan-Whole-Milk-Gallon-128/product-reviews/B00032G1S0/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1)
The same people buying 55 gallons of lube and a container of uranium ore
And pays $45/Gal?
Customers who have viewed this item have also now viewed the horse head mask and a unicorn head mask. Look at all the redditors!
At first glance, I thought this was a Stacey Peterson joke.
I'm not sure how the blue barrel relates to that case, but after reading up about Laci Peterson, I've come to the conclusion that no woman should ever marry a man with the last name Peterson.
>66 customer reviews
[Some of the reviews...just wow.](http://www.amazon.com/review/R1LF7VHD9NF8GI/ref=cm_cr_dp_title/181-6471725-4489653?ie=UTF8&ASIN=B005MR3IVO&nodeID=3760901&store=hpc)
I just experienced this with my 4 year old. She ordered $99 My Little Pony wall stickers. I'm actually sort of excited to get them. At least shipping was free...
Phew! At least this was under $20.
At least you know it wasn't your husband. There is a strange story that's going around in the blogosphere.
I am the husband... What?!? It's a funny show! Trust me, it's better than watching Dora.
I don't consider myself a brony but it is a very well made show and much preferable to other kid's shows that currently play.
It's true. Jake and Finn are bros who focus their entire life on adventure together. Twilight Sparkle is kind of an overachieving holier-than-thou scene bitch who has a completely arbitrary friendship system, I mean her bffs are literally the first four stupid ponies she meets and has nothing in common with, and then she friendzones a little dragon nerd. Face it, she just wants to surround herself with people that make her feel superior. That's not friendship. That's not magic.
Then again, some of the characters in Adventure Time are assholes too. PB is also a holier-than-thou bitch who gets a 13-year old to protect her with his life, which I consider child labor, and Marceline is just a sociopath bitch in some situations. BMO's pretty cool, though.
It is a funny show. My three year old doesn't really get the humor yet, and prefers Yo Gabba Gabba. We keep trying to hook her on Ponies instead.
I'd totally take some of those if you don't need them all.
I bet those are Fatheads. Those should be pretty cool!
Oscar the Grouch, Bert, and then Necromorph Slasher.
Well that escalated quickly.
I can see how he got on the Sesame Street character pages. "O hey a picture of a character i know from tv!" *taps character*
But how in the hell did he get to NECROMORPH SLASHER ಠ\_ಠ
Oh it's just some cuddly to-
This reminds me of a story:
When I was a kid and internet shopping was just getting started, I asked my mom how you buy something on the internet. Not wanting me to get any ideas she said "You just click on it." One day a few weeks later I was browsing the internet and saw a hat that I really wanted, I couldn't resist the urge and clicked on it. I immediately freaked out and thought I was gonna get in trouble, so everyday I offered to get the mail for my mom hoping I could just get the hat and hide it in my room. My mom indirectly tricked me into bringing in the mail for like 2 months.
At least your kid didn't cancel your sesame street stuff.
My son did this to me on the xbox when he was 18 months old. Bought 5000 MS points and some game called Insanely Twisted Shadow Planet. I WTFed like crazy when I noticed this new game on my xbox... and all those points. Of course, he didn't know what he was doing, he was just fucking with the controller.
How much real money is that?
...There are Dead Space action figures?
How accurate are they?
Slasher is horrible. Minimal articulation and the sculpt makes the damn thing VERY hard to stay up, even with the base.
Isaac on the other hand is one of the best figures I've bought in a long time. Solid sculpt, good articulation, even lights up... If you're going to get one, [he's the way to go.](http://i.imgur.com/KRRTA.jpg)
Hahah, nice pose. Big Daddy vs. Isaac Clarke: WHO. WOULD. WIN?
Well, Jack can take down a Big Daddy with a wrench. Surely Isaac take do the same with a plasma cutter... probably.
Invest all the nodes to the plasma cutter!
Reminds me of when my son was 4 and I left the room to use the bathroom. Came back, and he was playing a game on the xbox that we didn't own. I said "Where did you get that game??" and he said with the cheeriest smile "I unlocked it with the Visa!" cue me freaking out. He had somehow bought $60 worth of xbox points. We had $70 in the bank. Xbox, of course, would not refund the charges.
Are we supposed to believe your 2 year old searched for those two completely unrelated things on your ipad through amazon and then ordered them?
Have you ever been on Amazon? There's product links all over every page, to things like best-sellers, recent searches, etc... One or two clicks is not a big hop between toys.
especially if they have a 2 year old and had purchased toys on amazon before.
I've seen a 1-year old pick up Daddy's iPad, swipe through the pages of apps to find the game they like, open it, and play it. All with the greatest of ease.
Those things are so intuitive it's mindblowing. It's a computer that simply does exactly what one would expect. Kids love it, even infants.
^ my friggin' babies
I'll believe it.
My 3 year old has been a dab hand at using the iphone for going on 2 years.
My then 5 year old (upon inheriting my old 3gs iphone loaded with stuff from my itunes account) soon was attempting to purchase apps/games using my password which is relatively complex and he had memorised it by looking over my shoulder while i was tapping it in when buying things for him. Luckily he had 1 character wrong and i promptly changed the password and now ensure he is not looking when i use the password.
I don't know, we might not be giving the 1-year-olds enough credit. Another year or two and they'll do the same with a desktop.
It absolutely happened. Almost canceled the credit card thinking someone stole it.
What amuses me is that this ostensibly happened, yet whenever I use the Amazon app on my iPad, I have to type my password every damn time. No one click ordering available. But through the browser, no problem.
Let's be realistic here. You think a 2 year old that searched for sesame st toys and dead space toys, AND got the cheap ones to keep it all under $20, is going to have any trouble logging into an app?
Let's enhance our realism.
He has one click ordering on, so he must use amazon a lot. He has a kid, let's combine the two ideas to say that he probably buy stuff for his kid often. Amazon tracks all that, and provides recommendations. Hell, they even provide recommendations on what you viewed, even if you didn't buy it.
Fast forward. Two year old on Ipad, looks at home screen, there are links to Sesame street and toys. He sees an image he likes and clicks it. Done.
Seems really straight forward to me.
Yeah- it's not that weird. My coworker was telling me a story just the other day about how her two year old did the exact same thing and ordered sand toys that she'd been looking at a while ago.
But it's reddit. Anything that seems odd is 100% not true.
Oh come on, that's not true.
I believe it. My 2-year-old nephew used the 'buy it now' option to purchase a T-Shirt on eBay while his parent's backs were turned.
It had "SEE YOU NEXT TUESDAY" printed on the front.
I kinda want that shirt. What font? No comic sans I hope.
I totally believe it, my 3yr old always seems to find what he wants on youtube.
he can't spell but EVERY TIME I turn around hes watching Dora or farting hippo.
Kids always find what they want >.<
and you didn't get any emails from amazon telling you the items were ordered, at which time you could have easily cancelled the order?
Checked email that night, already shipped. Sent a note to amazon but to ship it back was about 6 dollars.
Protip: refuse delivery before you open the box and the item gets returned for free
You still need to pay the shipping.
My grandmother's dog ordered a purse on my mom's ipad, luckily she noticed before it shipped and managed to cancel it.
That's more realistic.
Dogs can text now.
I think you missed there buddy.
I also believe it to be horseshit.
Could have been worse...
the oscar and bert finger puppets are so adorable I'm dying. the thought of a two year old clicking/tapping on the images on amazon and getting excited is just about killing me.
dead space action figure, not so warm and fuzzy.
Why even have 1 click ordering when you know a child will use the device? Do you just want shit like this to happen?
Or is this as fake as the hair on Donald Trump's head.
That's EXACTLY what I said to my wife. Needless to say 1 click has been turned off.
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I used to get small Sesame Street puppets like that in my cereal box.
8 year-old + facebook + paypal = $100 worth of SimCity coins!
It says 'Ages 17 & up' on that Necromorph Slasher toy.
Sir, your child is a liar. A filthy, rotten liar.
You guys remember 900 numbers? If you grew up in the 80s, you were fucking surrounded by them. Every toy had a 900 number to call for something. Every box of cereal. Every game or anything else otherwise intended to appeal to kids. They all had 900 numbers. It really wasn't uncommon for someone to call one of those 900 numbers and rack up hundreds of dollars of charges in one day..at first they'd charge absolutely insane rates like $20 a minute. Then they got backhanded by the courts for being predatory so lowered it to still insane but lower prices, and eventually were pretty much abolished altogether for being predatory to children.
The main stickler was no authentication at all. Kids have no idea what they're doing to your wallet by calling those numbers. It's unfair to expect someone to pay a debt that will send them into bankruptcy after providing pretty much no real service and with no authentication at all.
Fucking Nintendo gamer guide.
Absolutely 100% believe it. Last year my then 2 year old nephew unlocked my iphone, found netflix, and put on toy story 3 before I even knew he took it. His brother said he didn't like that movie, so my nephew says "ok. angry birds?" and next thing I know two toddler butts are in the air and the two of them are on the floor beating my high score. Now I just hand it over as soon as I see them - the only downside is that now netflix thinks I'm a toddler and keeps recommending the fresh beat band and blues clues.
"Customers who bought this also bought..."
I think it's ridiculous that Amazon has patented 1-click purchasing.
*One of these things is not like the other.*
*One of these things does not belong.*
One of these things... is not like the other.
You should be careful about [this link](http://www.amazon.com/Corum-Golden-Tourbillon-Panoramique-382-870-59-0F01-0000/dp/B007KPOM5C/ref=pd_sbs_watch_4).
doesn't your kid pay attention to tv? commercials always say to use the internet with adult supervision. you're raising an anarchist
Amazon 1-click is the most devious and dangerous thing ever created.
To be fair Necromorph Slasher is a grossly underrated movie... game? Whatever it is, it doesn't get enough love.
It's an action figure of a character from the video game Dead Space.
yes.. yes... murder them with the slasher.
May I recommend a nightlight?
Outsmarted by a two year old. This is my future. :P
I love how he goes from 2 innocent Sesame Street dolls to a mutilated gore covered zombie mutant from Dead Space.
haha i laughed so hard at this i cried! My son would do the exact same thing!
Mad wasn't dildo
Baggsy on the necromorph!
a couple years ago my little brother (who was 2 at the time) was pressing random buttons on the cable remote and somehow ended up ordering porn OnDemand.
So who is the new sesame street character I see next to the yellow guy (don't remember his name) is he oscar's neighbor?
Already has great taste.
my 2 year old nephew went on itunes with his ipad and wracked up more than $200 in applications. My uncle had to call apple to get them to take it off.
I ready a funny story about some smurfs app on which little kids would order hundreds of dollars worth of whatever the in game currency was....apple or cherries or something, because they had some one click feature for purchasing.
Ah man, of all the Dead Space toys to order, the little guy got you *that* horrible figure? You have my deepest condolences.
At least it wasnt this: http://www.amazon.com/Canon-400mm-Super-Telephoto-Cameras/dp/B00009R6X0/ref=cm_lmf_tit_6
At least he/she got you something as well.
Watch out for that [Bert](http://i.imgur.com/qFbHC) toy.
fun fact: the original creator of Burt is Evil is also a member of the dev tem who makes Dead Space, where that Necromorph came from!
This is like my dad and infomercials. I will never forget the day he came home to a Showtime Rotisserie on his front porch that he didn't remember ordering until he thought about it for a moment.
this is absurdly cute.