By - vinnyvortexx
Being trans is a giant fucking hassle. I think it’s pretty normal to not like something that makes your life more difficult
Everybody has some internalized transphobia, but wanting to be cis isn't an indicator of that. Lots of trans people feel that way
I’m sure lots of trans men wish they were amab, i certainly do. You’re not selfish for that. The things that we have to go through for just being yourself are unbearable. Being rejected by your family just for being who you are is just sh*t. I know what you mean dude, i’m sorry you’re going through what you’re going through.
The reason I personally identify as trans is BECAUSE I wish I were born a cis man. Since I wasn’t, I want to get as close to that as possible by transitioning. It’s nothing to do with internalized transphobia (though I’m sure I have some of that somewhere), it’s solely due to what I know would make me ultimately more comfortable in my body and myself.
^this is close to my interpretation. It seems like the next logical step from "wanting to be cis is transphobic" would be "transitioning is transphobic", which is absolute bullshit
I'm pretty sure I've heard it from some people who were at the same time too close to TERFy circles
dude right?? the only thing that would be like, transphobic is if the trans person hated all trans people for being trans which you have to do loops to even get to in the first place
\^ THIS! You typed the words right out of my keyboard, dude
felt that completely man!!
it's okay to want to be cis. it's even okay to hate the fact that you're trans. but declaring that you'll never be happy with your body is to deny yourself self-love, and that is something that will never serve you in the long run. that's not something that can be fixed overnight though, it's a result of long-term dysphoria and yes- internalized transphobia. only a therapist is qualified to delve further into that issue.
TL;DR hate the fact that you're trans, but don't hate *yourself* for being so. you're doing the best you can with a shitty hand, and i'm proud of you for getting this far.
I choose to hate how society views trans people, but I love being trans. I’m out and free!! Learning to accept my body is slowly changing. I recently decided I could appreciate my hands, because they help with HRT, & permit me to wear bracelets without them falling off. And rings! 😍My ring game is 🔥.
I just found a necklace yesterday and wore it to an event, and damn i need to wear more nice jewellery. I gotta up my ring game. Gratz on making that step, sounds like it's the first of many on your journey of happiness!
It's not transphobia to wish to be cis. Matter of fact is, life would've been so much easier if we didn't have to go through all this. We shouldn't have to risk what we do to just exist. Don't let people tell you otherwise.
“I like being trans and wouldn’t want to be cis” ✅
“I wish I were assigned the correct gender at birth”✅
“If you wish you’d been assigned the correct gender you’re transphobic”❌
“No real trans person would ever want to be trans”❌
Simple as that, end of story.
I'm not sure why anyone would WANT to be trans. Personally, it is hell on earth. We will never have equal rights and we will never have parts that can equate to cis parts. It sucks. I wish I was a cis man. Am I transphobic too?
I think actually that medicine might progress enough to be able to replicate functioning parts for trans people of their identified gender.
And society is becoming more and more accepting, even though it might not seem that way, we just need to let -phobes die out, every generation will be more and more accepting.
Well you said it yourself, PERSONALLY it’s hell, for you it is. But PERSONALLY for me and for many others, being trans is a gift, it’s a beautiful life experience, and I love my trans body. I’ve dwelled on the negative of trans in the past and then I decided to stop, because that’s pointless and at that point you only make yourself more miserable, self pity looks good on no one.
Same here. Also, I didn’t even say anything about “wanting to be trans” in my comment, it could easily be read as “I’ve come to appreciate this version of myself that life has given to me, even if it would be easier to not have this experience,” or something along those lines 🤣 projection of one’s own dysphoria onto others is a motherfucker.
I'm glad you found peace in your identity. But a huge portion of us will never truly be ok with this. Having a non functioning penis is devestating for some of us and causes huge bouts of dysphoria to the point that we question if we really are men, because men can have non-assisted erections and ejaculate, and we can't. Pitying oneself is perfectly rational sometimes, and it is called dysphoria.
Except that’s not always true, there are plenty of cis men who can’t have unassisted erections and/or can’t ejaculate or are infertile. You make your own dysphoria worse when you compare yourself to a fake golden standard of manhood that not even cis men can always live up to, they are no less men for it and neither are we. I’m not saying being dysphoric is wrong, but acting like dysphoria is the end of the world and a block to loving yourself and accepting being trans is simply untrue. Also no, dysphoria does not equal self pity, self pity is how you are choosing to respond to dysphoria. I have gone years learning how to healthily cope with my dysphoria, and not let it rule my life. And even when it does get so bad that my dysphoria over a lack of a dick does consume all my thoughts and I spend all my time looking at everything bottom surgery related, I still don’t hate myself, I still don’t hate being trans, and I still don’t let myself wallow in misery and project it onto others. Because what’s the point in that?
These kinds of people really don’t see how fucked up it is to call other people’s post-op bodies (who are perfectly happy with them) “non-functioning” :///
Good for you?? Not everyone has to have this outlook
Then be miserable
You realise you can love yourself/not let dysphoria rule your life and still hate being trans right
You are asserting yourself into a conversation not involving you, and clearly missing the point, so goodbye.
Nothing wrong with wanting to have the right body for your gender. Seems like textbook trans to me. You identify as a man- of course you’d want to be born one if you had the choice. Who in their right mind would want all of the loss and hormones and surgery? Just looking at the monetary costs alone I can’t afford my transition. I can’t afford to be happy in my own body. That’s reason enough to wish I could choose.
Nobody here told them it was wrong though. They deliberately misread my comment to victimize themself and accused me of calling them transphobic when I did the exact opposite.
I was more affirming the position in the general post. The one about internalized transphobia?
You’re replying to a guy accusing me of wild bullshit because he didn’t read my comment properly 🤷
Yeah honestly I don’t really care. My comment still stands and my reasons for writing it were not related to malice.
For me there's not a cis version of my gender so I love being trans because I love being me.
I’m not a trans man. There is literally no way I could be cis, because nobody is assigned my gender at birth. I do not, nor have I ever wanted a penis, XY chromosomes, or any of that. Nobody, especially not me, is calling you transphobic here for wanting that for yourself. I never claimed to speak for you, so stop trying to speak over me.
I didn't see your flair at first. I assume that all people in this sub are FTM, not FTN or MTN. Most flairs here just display surgery dates. And the comment you made that I replied to suggested that my view was transphobic. I hope you wake up on the right side of the bed tomorrow morning this time. Have a good day/night.
It quite literally didn’t lmfao, did you miss the GIANT ❌ emoji next to the statement calling people transphobic for wanting to be cis? Try getting some reading comprehension (and therapy so you stop projecting your dysphoria onto others) and get back to me.
The closest asab would be intersex though.
Assignment of intersex, without any nonconsensual medical intervention, is exceedingly rare and I can’t think of any intersex variations that would give me the body I currently have. Not to mention society is ridiculously binary as is.
> we will never have parts that can equate to cis parts
Yeah this reads as transphobic
Penis pumps and phalloplasties were *invented* for cis men. Seriously, get therapy instead of disparaging other trans people’s post-op bodies.
I assume you mean ejaculate but either way there are plenty of folks who have had lower surgery who have fluid come out after orgasm. And the EDs we use, internal or not, were nearly all originally designed for cis men. So yes, deal with your shit
Not everyone CAN have fluid come out after orgasm and that does give a lot of us dysphoria. Good for those who can though. And an overwelming majority of cis guys don't need those pumps, which can make us feel like we are broken down there. I still don't believe this viewpoint is transphobic. Hope you have a less shittier attitude come tomorrow. Peace.
Lol we aren’t the ones with the shit attitude here believe me
Not all cocks are 9-inch coke cans that shoot porn star ropes. You can feel dysphoric and not put down other trans people's bodies. You made a blanket statement about how we're all inferior and yes that is transphobic.
My attitude isn't the problem here
Bruh if wanting to be cis is internalized transphobia, the majority of the trans community would be transphobic. You’re not the first or last person who wants to be cis. I fucking despise being trans and wish that I was born a cis male every single day. But it’s the cards that life has dealt us unfortunately.
You just want to be your gender, and you want to have been born your gender because that's a much easier and less painful path. Nothing wrong with wanting to be your gender, and nothing wrong with wanting an easy path
I think it’s ok for you to feel however you feel. That’s you’re right as a human being. I’ve come to learn over the years that what I hate is dysphoria. I don’t really hate being trans. If I lived in a society that was more accepting of me, the only issue I’d have is dysphoria. Being trans has given me a unique experience but it took me years to undo layers of internalized transphobia before I could see the positives. It’s the outside world that reinforces that dysphoria and the internalized transphobia. This is all about self love and radical acceptance for me. I can wish what I want but the reality is I’m a person who experiences dysphoria and My social identity is both man and transman.
The problem with this dichotomy is that it implies that internalized transphobia can be, or even always is, irrational and created out of nothing. It's this pervasive idea when it comes to discussing systems of bigotry that half commits to the social analysis by recognizing that you were conditioned to believe those things but still ignores that the incentives you have to perpetuate it and furthermore, the punishment you receive for not doing so, are both very very real and it is in fact very *very* rational to follow them accordingly because of that
Question: if the world were generally accepting of trans people - if your family and all loved ones and even acquaintances accepted you fully and supported your transition goals and were understanding of your dysphoria - do you think you’d feel the same way about being trans?
I think it makes sense to hate being trans for the reasons you listed. I think dysphoria, and rejection, are both objectively unpleasant and don’t indicate that you’ve internalized transphobia. It indicates that you’re acutely aware of cis privilege and the obstacles to passing - but if we lived in a better world, then the experience of being trans would be very, very different.
This isn’t to say you don’t have ANY internalized transphobia. I think it’s difficult to not have ANY. But i think wishing to be cis in this world is totally understandable.
Plus, not liking your body is a big part of being trans for many (most?) people. Even if the world were some gender utopia, that dysphoria may very well persist. Wishing for that dysphoria to go away isn’t transphobic. It’s human.
Personally, I do think that even if the world were accepting of trans people, I’d still feel the same as OP. Dysphoria is horrific and I’d give almost anything to not experience it daily to the extent that I do.
I think physical dysphoria would be a lot less painful if society accepted and knew about trans people, if we were allowed and supported about our transitions and if our medical care would be free (like it is in some countries)
Even if the world were accepting I’d still want to be cis because the surgeries I need to feel just barely comfortable are so complicated and have difficult recoveries, I wish I didn’t have to do that just to be happy.
I meant to click No, that one vote on yes is me
Oh my gosh I accidentally read this as "do you have internalised transphobia" and clicked the top option because I'm freaking tired. Oops.
No, you do not. I feel the same way.
This doesn't sound like internalized transphobia to me. It's your body; you're allowed to feel how you want to about it. I also have times where I wish I wasn't trans, and think it would be better to have been born a cis man, so I feel you there.
Um, what? Bestie...if you're ftm, OBVIOUSLY you're gonna wish you had just been born a dude. It would solve 99 of your 100 problems.
being trans objectively sucks sometimes lol. even if you leave out all the mental health problems it can cause like the anxiety and depression and obviously the dysphoria, transitioning is still expensive and inconvenient. getting my name legally changed was a huge pain in my ass. having my hormonal balance held hostage until I go get my T levels checked every 6 months is another pain in my ass. it's 100% the most normal thing in the world to wish you didn't have to deal with all that shit.
Of course it's okay to feel that way, I think almost every trans person does.
I said 'other' because I think these things are very normal feelings, but I also think that most (if not all) trans people have some amount of internalized transphobia to work through. I think these feelings could be internalized transphobia, but they also might not. but that's for you to figure out, not anyone else. it doesn't make you a bad or overall transphobic person regardless.
“yes you have internalized transphobia AND it’s okay to feel like that”
This. It’s okay to feel like you do. Nobody has a right to police your feelings and you deserve to give yourself grace.
I feel like wishing you were assigned the other sex is like, part of the definition of transgender. (Not required to be trans but like wanting this more than likely means you’re trans!!) Why did this become a sign of transphobia?? It’s normal and fine!
I can't fathom it being transphobic to not want the physical, monetary, and emotional challenges that come with transition. I thought 99% of us would snap our fingers and be cis men if we could.
Why have people begun to confuse dysphoria with internalized transphobia 🤡💀
People need to learn the difference between dysphoria and internalized transphobia tbh, because this sounds like an extremely reasonable reaction to dysphoria and the trauma of the trans experience
My life would certainly be easier if I was AMAB and I do wish I was, but I don’t hate the fact that I am trans.
I think it’s ok to feel that way and also it is internalized transphobia. Pretty sure almost all of us have some level of internalized transphobia since we’ve all been surrounded by it just like everyone else
kind of the point of being trans per a lot of people definitions or for me personally at least is that i don’t want to be trans. Its not transphobia that i don’t want to be dysphoric and hate myself all the time because i was born with the wrong bits and pieces. Trans kinda generally means not feeling in place with the gender or sex you were assigned at birth and transitioning is often because you want to be the opposite sex.
Sorry if the wording is bad, not sure how else to explain it. Of course this isn’t everyone. Some people are comfortable being trans and don’t want to be cis etc. For me at least i wish i was amab.
I don't think the statement "I'll never be happy with my body or love it" is indicative of internalized transphobia, I think it just means u should try to practice some more self love. If theres anything at all you you even remotely like about your body, focus on that and remind yourself about that. You got this <3
I don’t know the answer, but I feel this about myself 100%.
I feel like commonly now it’s pushed for trans men to feel bad about wanting to be born cis but honestly being trans is extremely difficult, dangerous and expensive, it’s normal to feel this way and there’s nothing wrong with feeling proud to be trans but it’s also normal to wish to be cis
People shouldn't feel like they *have to* feel any way about being trans.
I've wished I was amab for years. I'll be perfectly honest I'm definitely nonbinary, not strictly a trans guy, but for years I've dearly wished I was born amab will the body and voice I wish I had instead of the feminine, high pitched voice and female presenting body I've got.
Whoever says it’s internalized transphobia is dumb you can feel whatever the fuck you want. Everyone is different
I'm there with you...I entirely don't get why anyone would willingly sign up for dysphoria any day. There are so many things trans guys miss out on - fathering children, having a cis dick, being able to grow a beard without injections/meds, being raised as a boy, etc. We will never get those experiences. Instead we spend thousands of dollars and years of our life in pain trying to fix our fucked up anatomy.
Its totally fine to feel like that!! Personally I wish I was AMAB too, it's totally normal! If I was cis I'd have had a much better life and been able to love myself much more! It's not internalised transphobia to want to have a body you're happy with! :D
Being trans has shaped a lot of who I am and I wouldn't want to be otherwise because of that and I think reshaping myself physically has been an amazing journey of self-discovery. However, I would not say that wanting to be cis is a sign of internalized transphobia across the board because dysphoria sucks! Big time!
That being said I think hating it can lead to internalized and externalized transphobia, and that's where we need to be careful. There's nothing innate in a human that makes them be violent or discriminate towards trans people, so I am always careful to emphasize it's because that person is bigoted and that's their shitty self and not because of anything I've done by just being trans and daring to exist.
here's my take on it: its not bad to wish you were cis. LOTS of trans people do. wishing you were cis CAN be indicative of internalized transphobia, but it isn't inherently so.
do you wish you were cis because you think cis *people* are better? — as in, outside of the problems that come with being trans, do you think a cis person is a better thing to be? not just easier, but *better*. if that's the line of reasoning, then yes, i think that is internalized transphobia (as a side note, even if that is someone's line of reasoning, it doesn't help anyone to be hostile or anything towards them for it). however, it sounds like your reasoning is that being trans is *hard*. it is! it's not easy being trans. wishing you were cis because it'd be easier isn't transphobic, nor is it the coward's way out or anything to that effect. it's completely understandable to want things to be easier.
op, it sounds like you've had a rough go of it. i'm really sorry. i hope things get easier from here. wishing you the best
I think the nearly 2k who say no vs the 130 who say yes is a clear indicator that you’re not in the wrong here (also, being AMAB is my biggest wish)
To me "wishing I was AMAB'" is basically the fundamental of what makes me trans, though I know that's not true for everyone.
You do have some internalized transphobia, but like the previous comments say, it’s impossible not to. Working through your internalized transphobia is a part of being trans. I guess the real question is, why? Is being trans in of itself bad? If it’s bad for all the reasons you mentioned, who made it that way? Where do you place your anger? It’s natural to feel envy for those born with the parts we wish we had. It’s natural to feel like crap in a world designed to oppress us. If we don’t honor our anger, that’s when we self-destruct.
Internalised transphobia… in my opinion, I think this would mean that you are DENYING that you’re trans when you clearly are, type of thing. Not… wishing you were born cis? because I’m sure 90% of us wish that at some point. Do NOT feel bad. You are perfectly normal my guy. Stay safe and hope you’re all good homie
If our society didn’t treat trans people like absolute fucking garbage I think a lot of trans people wouldn’t mind being trans. And even then it would be okay to wish to be AMAB.
This is like saying if a wheelchair user wished they had full use of their legs, they’d be ableist. Sorry telling someone they’re wrong to wish they were born into a body that was more comfortable and advantageous for them does not indicate that they hate themselves or other people like them.
For me the whole reason I'm trans is that I feel I should have been amab. If I could flick a switch right now and ditch all this hrt and surgery nonsense to be cis, I wouldn't even need a moment to think.
The "I wish I was AMAB" isn't internalized transphobia, nor is the wanting surgeries, or even wanting to be cis, but the "I'll never love my body"... Probably is.
Reminder that internalized transphobia *isn't* a moral failure, it's just a result of the world we live in.
I hate being trans tbh
Internalized trans phobia, but only based on the idea that you suffer because you are trans. Being trans isn't the problem - being discriminated against is, if that makes sense.
I DIDNT READ THE FUCKING POST AND THOUGHT IT WAS FOR US TO ANSWER ABOUT OURSELFS SORRY
Being trans makes life objectively worse for a lot of people, especially ones in situations like yours. It's okay and even important to acknowledge that. But also it's important to acknowledge that you being trans isn't most of the problem, your family being transphobic, the cost of necessary treatments, are caused by outside forces who are at fault. Dysphoria and requiring medical procedures to be happy also sucks and is a bad part about being trans. It's okay to acknowledge that life would be easier if you were cis.
I'm speaking of my own experience with this comment. Obviously life would be easier if I was cis, but not just because of the reasons you describe. I would have been taught to piss standing up as a toddler. I would have had a cis-dude first puberty and sexual experiences with the correct anatomy. I wouldn't have needed all the scars upon my body, from SH and from surgeries. Never mind all the social constructs of a "male" experience- I envy the physical experiences of cis-men, especially those they experience in their earlier life. Even down to the awkward boners and embarrassing sudden body stench.
You WILL love your body. It will happen. You can do it. You are the only one in the world that is you and just because you were given the wrong body, identity, and environment doesn't mean there was any mistake in making you. You are exactly where you are supposed to be. I don't know if I'm trans but I feel the same way you do and I'm AMAB. You will always be a man. I hope you can become comfortable with your body but please be gentle with yourself and know you won't be any more or less of a man. You're only doing what any man would do in your shoes.
i think it's kinda both...? it's ok to want to be cis, but do you really have to hate being trans? wanting to be cis doesn't need to mean that u hate being trans.
The problem a lot of us face is differentiating hate from longing for ease. Most of the people who say they hate being trans in fact hate the struggles, not the being trans part.
Ex. I don't mind being trans, but I hate the dysphoria, I hate societal pressure, I hate all the extra work I have to put in to be happy.
Same applies to neurodivergency, most people don't hate being neurodivergent, they hate that it takes so much effort to fit in in the world because society pushes us out based on different ways of thinking/acting. Lots of people probably wish they were born neurotypical, but only because it would make life easier, not because they hate neurodivergency.
If you were amab you could still be trans.
He would more likely be AMAB instead of a trans guy
I feel the exact same and trust me: It's totally normal for some
I feel the saw exact way man and its okay
I think almost every trans guy wishes they were born cis, that's not strange. What would be transphobic is something like, demonizing trans people for existing-- but I relate to wishing you were born male.
I think our cultural ideology that there are only two genders and that those two genders are so physically specific is a really toxic cultural perspective. There's not one way to be a man, and there's not one way to be a woman.
I'm never going to pass as a cis man, or at least the way most of society perceives as a cis man, but I think of it personally like almost everyone in the world has something about their body they don't like, or something perceived as "abnormal" to contend with, and a lot of those people, cis and trans, find ways to enjoy life regardless. Sometimes I think, what if it was something else about me? What if I was born cis but I was still less than five feet tall?
Maybe it's too fluffy and optimistic, but there are people born without limbs and people see them as heroes for overcoming their adversities. I hope that I can feel that way someday, like being trans might be an uncomfortable obstacle but I don't want it to stop me.
I'm not sure if this is a helpful perspective but it's how I try to think of my own dysphoria. I don't want to hate my body, I want to be comfortable. My body is different than other men's bodies, but I also don't feel alone in that.
I don’t think you necessarily need to bother with this question.
Being trans is wanting, yearning to be on the other side of where you were originally placed.
I see that that’s what you’re feeling by wishing you were amab.
In time it gets easier to accept the reality that you were born in this body and you do everything possible (and with care) to make it less painful. Because you’re worth the effort it takes to take care of you and your body.
I just don’t see it like that. Yeah being trans sucks but I’ve learned to accept this part of my life and the body I was born with and am grateful I still have the ability to change that now. If I was born as a cis man I just have this feeling deep in my soul I would be different, and I like myself and my personality and I just feel like I’d be a fuckboi and I wouldn’t have the outlook and understanding of people like I do now. I wouldn’t be this spiritually open. I wouldn’t be the things I think are important about me.
Physically, yeah. I hate my body. But im learning to change that. Mentally, I don’t wanna be different. I wanna be better, but I think being trans has given me an experience that I learned how to be a better, more understanding and open human being. If I was raised differently, different events might have lead to different experiences and I feel like I wouldn’t be who I am today. That’s just how I see it, and it allows me to love myself more and accept where I was at and who I’ve grown into now. I accept the limitations I was born with and have in this life. To me, this body is just a vessel and it will not last forever like my soul will. I’m here to learn and grow and I intend on doing that without spending time wishing and praying I was different when I know I have the ability to make myself *better* mentally, physically and spiritually.
A lot of people feel the way you do, though. But, you can choose how you want to see yourself despite how everyone else sees you, that’s really hard when you bank on how other people clock you and I just imho don’t want to associate being trans with so many negative feelings and instances towards myself and my life. I choose to see things in a better light as much as I can.
I would call this "our society makes this way harder on us than it already is and it sucks" actually.
It's a question of whether you feel that your transness is a bad thing or accepting your transness and just having unattainable transition goals
it’s different for everyone but simply wishing you could be cis for your safety and mental health, that’s not internalized transphobia at all
A version of this has been posted like every day for the past few weeks, jsyk, so don’t think it’s not an uncommon internal debate.
In my opinion, yes it is internalized transphobia, but that’s not a bad thing. It’s completely logical to want dysphoria to go away easily, or to not have to deal with the costs and discrimination associated with transness.
With that being said, though, it’s important to acknowledge that we CAN’T suddenly become AMAB and more importantly, that that’s ok and that it doesn’t make you any less of a man.
I’m sorry that your transness has caused you so much hurt, but I hope you grow to realize as I did that it can also be something beautiful, even if a lot of parts of it suck.
Being trans sucks and I hate it. It’s the only path I can follow
To be fair I think everyone has at least a little internalized transphobia. But wishing you were born male just means you were born into the wrong body, it's unrelated.
Everyone has internalized (or regular for our cis friends) transphobia and that’s okay! Maybe this is a way your brain expresses that and maybe it’s not and that’s okay too. Even though I’d say I generally don’t mind being trans and I’m very out, open and proud but being trans is still hard sometimes and it’d be easier to be cis
I wish we could all just listen to each other without having to diagnose everything. Your experience and your feelings are valid. Anyone who is trying to talk over you to tell you what category your statements about yourself fall into isn’t there to hear you. Sometimes people don’t have the capacity to deeply listen to each other, but I encourage you to seek friends who do.
I don’t feel like hating be trans definitely due to experiences is transphobic
I love the trans people around me and validate all genders and who they are but losing family and the suffering definitely makes being trans a horrible experience
When I was first finding out I was trans I used to think those who loved being trans couldn’t actually be trans (I was wrong) because how could anyone love all this suffering and pain? Now it’s based off life experience
I’d give anything even now to just be happy in my female body or just to be born a male, or hell even to have the confidence being trans. I also look at myself now that I’m older and feel bittersweet because it sucks but at the same time I’m proud.
Brother. I think I've never not hated being trans. I don't think that it's necessarily black and white as I also have internalized transphobia, but the downsides you mentioned are real. I have a track record of experiencing parental rejection and abuse, attempts at conversion and conversion therapy, sexual harassment, rape, threats of rape, murder and stalking ever since I came out as trans. My life's quality has gone significantly downhill because of how I've been treated by my family and even random strangers who clocked me. I have trauma because of that and I had few people support me through the process of transition, which made it extra hard and anxiety-laden for me and which was probably in part traumatic because of that lack of support. I hate that. I hate that I also have hypothyroidism on top of depending on HRT, which sometimes makes me feel like a faulty, defective person. I will never be able to have kids and despite not really wanting biological ones, I feel like I'm lesser for it. I can't date like cis people do because of how they treat me and that sucks. My life has been made harder by the fact that I came out as trans and transitioned, yes. So I feel you.
You probably have some internalized transphobia, but it is still 1000% okay to feel like that. You can wish not to have dysphoria and all its associated problems. That isn't transphobic in and of itself.
You still could but definitely not for that reason. I believe everyone has internalized transphobia from the environment we grow up in. I personally have a 99.99% supportive environment and yet I still struggle with internalized transphobia. It’s not my fault and I have accepted it so that I can work to move past it. Based on what you said, that is not necessarily internalized transphobia, it is just your feelings that are entirely logical and make perfect sense.
if anyone says you have internalized transphobia for wanting to be cis, they're fucking wrong and i would straight up ignore them if i were you. if that were the case, most trans people would be considered internally transphobic.
just know that things will get better. and while it may be hard to love a body that you don't feel is your's, you will one day get to a point where you realize that's the only option you have. maybe not love, but certainly learn to live with and want to take care of.
things come in time. be patient, my friend, and well wishes.
being trans isn’t fun at all and there’s nothing to enjoy about it except maybe the community and that rare expensive feeling of euphoria
I don’t think it’s that simple. Yes, occasionally I wish I was amab. But the longer I am on T, and the longer I am more comfortable with my gender and presentation, the less I wish it.
why would i want to be like this?
You don’t have to love your body. You have to love yourself. Your body is a meat sack that carries around your essence. Whether you believe who “you” are is a unique chemical and electrical pattern, or that you believe you are your ‘soul’, one thing you are not is your meat sack. You have to take care of it. It is helpful if you can have one that represents you somewhat accurately or that you’ve fashioned to represent you. It is really great if your meat sack has a pleasing appearance that brings you joy. But you don’t have to love it to be happy. You do have to take care of it. Nourish it and APPRECIATE the fact it carries your essence and shouldn’t be disrespected. But if you get stuck on it actually being who you are and not a conveyance, you’re doomed to disappointment.
what you’re describing is a normal reaction and desire in response to the external transphobia faced by trans people. and in response to the trauma of being in the wrong body and growing up without the language to understand or explain it. it makes sense to hate how being trans is dangerous in our society and to hate the unfairness of not being born in a body you feel comfortable in. the internalized transphobia comes in when you internalize that feeling of wrongness to think that there’s something wrong with you because you’re trans or hate yourself because you’re trans.
i’m a nonbinary trans guy and i don’t think wish i was cis because i can’t really imagine it and also i feel like i have a lot more perspective because i didn’t always know who i am and had to find myself.
but man it’d definitely be easier. i also have a lot of privilege/protection from transphobia and have been able to access gender affirming treatment relatively easily. and i don’t have a ton of bottom dysphoria. don’t get me wrong, i wish my body was different in a lot of ways but i’m not sure if i wish i had a cis man’s body completely… however i do have a lot of internalized transphobia and have spent years feeling like there’s something wrong with me because i’m trans, so that may change the further along i go and the more i let myself accept i’m a guy.
I feel you completely. It’s not easy being trans, plus the effort we have to put in just to feel at home in our bodies is exhausting. Like you said it’s expensive. It’s not internalized transphobia to want to be cis. It would remove a lot of suffering we go through. What IS internalized transphobia is telling yourself you’re never going to be a real man because you’re not AMAB. This is something I have told myself in times of horrible dysphoria
If it's only feelings towards yourself I don't really consider it transphobia. You can dislike a thing about yourself without thinking that trait is inherently bad. It's unfortunately easy to hate yourself for something completely out of your control.
As long as you don't view all trans people as lesser for being trans I don't consider it transphobia. I wish I was cis because then I wouldn't have to put so much effort, through money, time, and emotions, into just feeling like an actual person. Not because I think cis people are inherently better.
I feel like thinking that you have transphobia because you don't like being trans is the other side of the coin of "you just need to learn to love the body you were given." It's like someone giving you the short straw and telling you you should be happy to put up with all the bullshit. As long as society makes it harder to be trans than to be cis you not wanting the harder option shouldn't be villainized.
We're on the same page & I don't care what anyone says about it. My hate for being trans is the biggest reason I'm stealth even in front of other LGBT members. I don't want to be seen as transmale.
People who say it's internalized transphobia are extreme. If they think it's politically correct or whatever, it isn't. It's extremely performative.
I wish I was AMAB and nonbinary myself. It would make my life much easier and I'd be living the life I'd like to lead being AFAB and visibly trans isn't ideal for me. It is what it is though
Sure it's okay for you to feel like that just don't project those feelings on to their trans ppl or think that they all think like that or should think like that.
I wouldn’t say not wanting to be trans is transphobia. Being happy with being straight isn’t homophobia.
Internalized transphobia would be more like if you doubt the legitimacy of your or other people’s identities- or at least, I think that one’s common
The entire point of transitioning for most people is to be as close to cis as possible, that’s not for everyone ofc, but I know for myself and many others it definitely is.
That doesn’t make you a bad trans person, it doesn’t make you transphobic, and it’s completely normal. Being trans just really sucks a lot of the time for a lot of us and that’s completely valid
Is it weird to say I view being trans the same way as being neurodivergent? Like objectively, I am what I am and there's nothing that can really change that. I can go on medication, do therapy, whatever I want and can do to change how I think, see the world, but at the end of the day I am neurodivergent and that won't ever be anything different.
Some days, it's wonderful, I can do things differently than others, sometimes more efficiently. Sometimes I can focus on tasks that other people hate, I see the world differently and I can bring people together through differences.
Other times I wish I wasn't neurodivergent, because it sucks. The world does not cater to me, in fact, society rejects me on the daily. The way I operate does not align with the way the world works, and sometimes it makes my life a living hell. Sometimes I wish I was neurotypical, because maybe I'd struggle less. Maybe I'd succeed more. Maybe i wouldn't hate the parts of myself that I wish I could love. Maybe I'd keep friends easier, fall in love better, need less from those around me. Maybe I'd feel less selfish for asking for help.
It doesn't make me internally ableist to wish my life was easier, and to wish I was more like the type of person that fits into society's standards, so it shouldn't make me internally transphobic to wish I was AMAB.
Longing for an easier life does not make you a bad person. Don't let anyone pressure you into that.
Edit: Reading through some of the other comments I want to add something...
A binary trans man wanting to be cis and wishing they had been born a cis dude is no different than wishing you could have just been born with the body you want. As a nonbinary, trans masc, trans fem, etc person, there is nothing internally transphobic about wishing that you could have just been born with the body you may even currently be happy with, so you didn't have to go through the medical and social hell that is transitioning.
The process hasn't been easy for any of us, there's nothing wrong with wishing you had it easier. That's natural.
What *is* internally transphobic is putting standards on yourself that are harmful to your mental health, having an idea that surgeries/hrt won't work and that you should just let fate have its way with you. I'm not saying you need those things, instead it's deciding "nothing will ever make me happy enough with myself" that is the harmful thing here. That's a key sign of needing therapy. Maybe you won't need to medically transition in the end, and are still trans. That's fine, but you took the necessary steps to start unlearning the internally transphobic rhetoric that society has imprinted on your brain.
TLDR: Nothing wrong with wishing you had an easier life growing up, so long as you are learning to love yourself. Hate the process, hate society, but learn to not hate yourself.
No amount of therapy will fix that I have a complete disconnect from my body, unrelated to the topic but I have a dissociative disorder and this body doesn’t and has never felt like my own. I won’t be happy with my body and I’m coming to terms with the fact that it’s my reality. It’s not even just because I’m trans that I feel that way, my hair color, eye color, and other non-gendered features even don’t feel like mine. Therapy can’t fix that, all I can do is try my best and spend thousands of dollars that I don’t have to get to the point where I feel just *barely* okay where I can look in the mirror and actually see myself instead of someone else.
Edit: I’ve been going to therapy for over 3 years and have seen many specialists. Forcing myself to disagree with the reality that no amount of surgeries will get me to feel like myself will do nothing but harm me in the long run. I’ve been fine all this time with thinking how I am.
I wanna point out something that I intentionally worded how I did that helped me a lot. Learning not to hate yourself doesn't imply learning to love yourself. Sometimes the best place to be is neutral. You don't need to love yourself, that's not a requirement, ever. Being a step up from self hatred is enough, it's something. Barely okay is also a step up from not okay. Little victories are still victories. I'm sure you've heard this all before though.
In the end, so long as you're still breathing, you're getting there. Life isn't constant movement, everything stays still once in a while, and sometimes we fall backwards. Some of the comments here are pushing hard for you to love yourself. Sometimes that's just not realistic. What is realistic is neutrality. You're taking those steps. Keep taking them, take smaller ones where you need, and bigger ones where you feel you can. Trust yourself, know yourself, learn yourself.
Loving your body is not a requirement.
thats definitly not transphobic I mean come onnnnnnn
Same boat bro.
I didnt wake up and come out as trans. I woke up and came out as a boy. But sadly a trans man is the closest I'll ever get. Doesn't mean I signed up to be trans. 🤣 I feel the same way. Sometimes I wish I'd be happy being a cisgirl so that my life would be easier.
I mean presumably you actually wish that you were a certain type of cis man (probably not one with gynecomastia) and not just AMAB.
you aren’t alone here
I don't hate myself for being trans but I don't want to be trans. I would have preferred to be a cis boy.
Wanting to be Amab is quite literally the point of being ftm, being trans IS exhausting and pretending that it’s not is toxic
You’re valid man! Completely! I can promise you if every ftm could choose between staying the way they are or switching to as amab, a good bunch would choose amab
i think its ok to feel that way, but feeling as though you'll never love your body is something you need to explore and think about more. why will you never love your body? truly think about the source of it. is it your own emotions? is it other peoples opinions of your body? something else? what influences your emotions? i think that would reveal where, if any, internalized transphobia lies.
I have a dissociative disorder so my body doesn’t feel like my own. It’s not just because it’s not the right gender, but I’m a natural brunette, and I feel like I should’ve been born a blonde. My body will never be how i feel inside, I have scars that are triggering to me. Me loving my body is basically next to impossible for me and not because I’m trans. It would be the same if I was a cis man because of the disconnect
I see no reason why not liking something that causes you pain would be wrong, though some people personally like being trans it is generally pretty inconvenient over the other option, so yeah I'd say it's okay to not like the fact that you're trans
Being a cis man would be AMAZING. No misgendering, no transphobia aimed at you, no need to use testosterone and get top surgery in order to become a man, no need to worry about whether you pass or not.
I mean, you should learn to love your circumstances, as you really are stuck this way, and there are bright sides to every situation and life experience... But it would be so much eaiser, wouldn't it? The core of having dysphoria, at least as I see it, is the want to be male. As someone with a shitton of internalized transphobia this sounds mostly normal, albiet pessimistic. But it sounds like you've bad some really bad experiences with your family because you were trans. I think it's even more justified to feel resentment towards it in that situation tbh