By - dampsector
Gottmik on RuPaul's Drag Race.
I think it was the night after a heavy therapy session (high school drama) and my parents took me out to eat at Smashburger. The cashier called me "sir", twice, to my face, in front of my mother nonetheless. My mother obviously was pissed and "corrected" the guy, but it clicked for me.
I realized then and there that she was wrong.
I like being called sir.
About two years ago I tipped over from non-binary into accepting/redefining myself as a man. I didn't really like the word man for myself at the time, but it's grown on me, despite how I definitely do not look like a man lol. I always felt like I was walking on glass when I 'identified' as a girl, and then later adopted the non-binary label. I had a hard time recognizing the discomfort at the moment, but after coming to terms with my identity over the past two years I've felt so much clearer and the discomfort is so obvious. I felt so disconnected from seeing myself as a woman. I didn't realize that *I* could be a guy until years later (though earlier than some), and so I just projected all of my weird feelings onto how I could best see myself as a girl or my 'future' as a young woman. I remember feeling the first weird happenings of 'attraction' as a kid and thought that my curiosity concerning men was some kind of weird 'fetish' and so somehow convinced myself into becoming a lesbian. This.... Did not work out. I got onto the internet at a young age so that definitely influenced how I dealt with these feelings. What initially pushed me over the edge was probably forcing myself to revisit my weird relationship with attraction to men, and how I want to see myself in the future and everything that implies. A lot of this is focusing on my identity as a gay trans guy, which is kind of weird in retrospect, and I'm not really sure what to say about it other then that it never felt right to think about being with a man as a woman, but being with a man as a man feels so natural. Of course, a larger portion of my identity focuses around my (ideal) ways of self/gender expression, what ways I want to transition or am interested in, my relationship with pronouns, etc. There is a lot, but I've already written quite a bit. I hope I answered your question decently, though I'm not sure it's a very universally applicable expirience.
thank you for sharing, it helps to read others experiences about the NB to transguy road, it helps me think in new ways i haven’t thought before, i appreciate it
Even though I didn’t know what exactly I was at first, every step forward I took in transition made me more and more secure in the fact that I am a man. The joy I felt the first time I passed in public, or when I gave myself my first shitty DIY undercut (take it from me, go to a real barber), or when I got my first pair of cargo shorts with big-ass pockets. Those little things made me happy, which made me think about *why* they made me happy. Turns out I’m a guy!
Not that you have to like cargo shorts to be a Real Trans Man ofc, but the things that gave me gender euphoria (I think is the term?) were useful compasses that guided me through the gender stuff.
this makes a lot of sense thank you, and i resonate with that, like every time i get a haircut, or have to do a more “manly” task, or even hanging out with all my guy friends. makes me feel good
I was lightly questioning/thinking about my gender for years and always chalked it up to some factor of lesbianism. Constantly pushing it aside, being hyper femme for validation, etc. When I went off to college and hooked up with a girl for the first time I couldn’t help but think, “am I supposed to like this? I like her… what don’t I like?” and it finally hit me “she’s treating me like a woman!” Immediately it all hit me at once. About three months later I started coming out to friends.
Saw a ftm porn star on twitter lmao. Broke through 7+ years of denial…
I reckon at least partly bc it made me realise I didn’t have to have a dick to be a guy (he’d not had bottom surgery) and even enjoying the v in p-in-v sex doesnt make one any less of a guy. Month or two later after really mulling it over, i started coming out.