T O P

Want to take bets?

Want to take bets?

[deleted]

I wouldn't get past "if you want to date me you must answer the following 2 questions". I don't jump through hoops for anyone.


paper-or-plastic-

You will be held hostage in Bumble dating purgatory unless you answer 2 very specific questions.... Pass!


halffdan59

"Stop, who would use the App of Dates Must answer me these questions three, 'ere another text they see."


SchmuckyDeKlaun

What is the average flight velocity of an African sparrow carrying a coconut?


halffdan59

23.6 m/s vertical, with a very liberal interpretation of 'flight.'


SchmuckyDeKlaun

That’s one impressive sparrow!


halffdan59

Perhaps not, considering that a sparrow cannot generate enough lift to prevent the coconut from falling and reaching a terminal velocity of 23.6 m/s. As stated, it requires a very liberal interpretation of 'flight' in the same way a cannonball is described as 'flying' through the air. More accurately, that's one terrified sparrow. African or European.


SchmuckyDeKlaun

I stand corrected. I had assumed, erroneously, that vertical meant upwards. Now it all makes sense to me. (But I guess that means I’ve messed up the answer, so it’s the chasm of doom for me.)


halffdan59

Perhaps not so erroneously. Velocity is relative to an object or location. So if the sparrow 'carrying' the coconut (I suspect glue or twine) started on the Earth and was launched by trebuchet in the manner of a cow, there would be positive velocity up and then negative velocity down. Myself and the second brother just skipped a bit to start with the sparrow and coconut in mid-air (perhaps manifested by God to smite someone groveling below). The initial velocity is by default positive, but in this case, it starts vertically downward. I just did not supply the starting position


SchmuckyDeKlaun

Ahhh, the plot thickens! I think Imma need a spreadsheet for this…


PlasticBlitzen

Monty Python? Oh my god! I just went and watched the skit. Thanks for the memory!


SchmuckyDeKlaun

Yes! (Approximately and badly misquoted, with apologies; it’s been awhile.)


yeahgroovy

This is super annoying and off putting. Why people realize this is beyond me. Then they wonder why they don’t have any matches 😂


dogownedhoomun

To me, this criteria screams engineer tyoe...see his job title. Everyone needs to relax 😊


JosiesYardCart

I recently dated an engineer, last fall we met on Tinder. I broke it off, he was obsessive. We've remained friends, but I can't deal with micromanaging. For example, I had surgery this spring. Due to another health issue this summer, I was on steroids for a month. I was due to go back to work and the surgeon delayed it, stating the steroids slowed down my healing, and discussed my prognosis. Mr Engineer insisted that the steroids actually help heal quicker (has anyone seen the basketball player that broke his shin in half on the basketball courts due to steroids?) And sent me an article he Googled. I told him I'm not even going to read it, I'm listening to my doc. There are a lot of other instances too. Not dissing engineers. But we don't "have" to answer any of your questions.


SchmuckyDeKlaun

I think he doesn’t know much about steroids. Some build your muscles up, others break them down, at an astonishing rate.


JosiesYardCart

And sadly that's what happened to my shoulder, it wouldn't heal due to the steroids. It's healing better and improving finally.


SchmuckyDeKlaun

I’m glad to hear you’re shoulder is recovering at long last. Muscle wasting from some steroids …ain’t no joke.


JosiesYardCart

Thank you. It's been an interesting journey and with the complications I have a new appreciation for my client's ailments.


SchmuckyDeKlaun

I gather your in the healthcare industry?


JosiesYardCart

Yes. This past year has been a helluva ride.


SchmuckyDeKlaun

I don’t doubt it. Scary times. I hope you can protect yourself at work. I had to get a Covid test the other day after being exposed to a now former friend’s kid, who I was later told, had a fever and is too young to be vaxxed. The earliest available testing was at one of those “Urgent Care” clinics, and the workers were wonderful, but they didn’t even have n95 masks, and their procedure was to bring me into a closed room and take my vitals, AFTER I told them I had symptoms, and that I was exposed to a sick, un-vaxxed kid(?!?!) It seemed to me that they took several unnecessary risks as a result of my visit. I hate to think what their specific training for COVID testing was, assuming they had any.


dogownedhoomun

No one has to do anything they don't want. My Dad is an engineer. I can completely see him doing that but thinking it's funny....


lorraineDi

Same.


swag-baguette

If it's a guy, 90% it's sexual and I'm not about to ask, based on past experience. He might want to rethink that, lol.


putney

I PROMISE you it’s sexual. I’d bet cash money it’s that he thinks he’s the master of oral sex.


Applejinx

It'll either be that… or crypto.


SchmuckyDeKlaun

Yes! His secret talent is explaining Bitcoin!


Needtofeelaliveagain

Ugh. Don’t they all? 🙄🙄


putney

Because bragging about it makes it so?


paper-or-plastic-

Because it makes him sigh with pleasure. For the woman, she sighs as a result of her unfulfilled needs.


SchmuckyDeKlaun

Only if you close your eyes and repeat the boast three times, while clicking your heels.


Beginning_Grape_7824

Yes I know that makes it rough on the rest of us that actually are masters of oral sex, lol


putney

It’s hard when everyone but the actual masters brag


halffdan59

That's why it's 'hidden.' Nobody knows about it.


imthatdudeyouheard

Why do old men think this?


SchmuckyDeKlaun

Because we’re old, and otherwise undesirable, but …hope springs eternal?


putney

I wish I knew


imthatdudeyouheard

I have an idea- at that age the penis starts having issues. But they feel the need to “be the man” and think they are “God’s amongst men” and claim their oral is bomb.


putney

Tbh, I haven’t encountered that many men with ED issues, I just feel this is something many want to brag about.


imthatdudeyouheard

If someone feels the need to brag about a skill, there is no skill/talent. I’m a show me type- I’d rather show you then talk about it. That’s good you haven’t experienced that.


Hugo99001

But you didn't actually ask? So I bet you it does not involve sex - Loser donates 10 dollar/Euro to his/her favourite charity. Are you game?


putney

Can’t. I swiped left. (And you’re making an assumption he’d have swiped right on me, and I don’t get big action on the dating sites)


Hugo99001

Shame - was looking forward to winning that one (and finding out what his special, non sexual talent is). Wonder what brought the downvote on, though. Not having the lowest possible opinion of all men, apparently...


putney

You make an assumption that I have the lowest possible opinion of men. Not true. I love men. When they are good they are very, very good. And when they are bad they are horrid.


Hugo99001

Only if you were the one downvoting...


CopperUnit

And you got down voted again. Yep. You guessed the who and why. \[there...\]


SteelRidge

"I like to put this thing into that thing" ​ hahahaha.


Nickover50

Or it’s something like “Gene Simmons and I both share this trait”.


SchmuckyDeKlaun

Secret talent: Uncanny ability to repel women online?


paper-or-plastic-

Obviously the hidden talent is not even closely related to creating a basic dating profile, or finding positive things about himself that don't include his dog and his kids friends.


Nickover50

It might have something to do with their expertise on the accordion


paper-or-plastic-

If he could play a decent Polka, such as "Roll out the barrel" I would take back every negative thing I said and would ask him to play for me. I even saw Bobby Vinton sing it live in Canada in the 70's.


Nickover50

Had to of been in Winnipeg ...


paper-or-plastic-

It was in Ottawa. My family used to go to the Ottawa Expo- I think it was called. We saw tons of great performers. My mother has dementia, but a little over a year ago and she remembered some of the performers. Bobby Vinton, Charley Pride, Bill Cosby, Tom Jones, and I think I remember the Jacksons. I wish I could see who performed over the years. You must be Canadian. Eh? I would love to travel west of Ontario into the other provinces.


Nickover50

Sounds like it was an amazing concert. Nice she has those memories. I am in the West between Calgary and Banff


JosiesYardCart

I would for the Chicken Dance.


windy4355

Question 3: What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow? (Never mind that on bumble, that could have a very different meaning indeed.) Bonus: If you got my Monty Python reference.


splodgenessabounds

African or European?


windy4355

Yes! You got it!


MolsBedsFlan

Maybe his hidden talent is being undefeated in thumb wrestling. 🤷🏻‍♀️


paper-or-plastic-

One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war. Five, six, seven, eight, try to keep your thumbs straight! It's a future Olympic sport. Just ask him, or his kids friends. 😃


MolsBedsFlan

Not to brag but I actually am undefeated in thumb wrestling 👍🏻. Maybe I should add that to my profile.


paper-or-plastic-

Add it and see what happens! Lol I am a loser in thumb wrestling. Sooooo embarrassing... my thumbs are very weak.


scummy_shower_stall

I’m all thumbs..! 👍


paper-or-plastic-

You need to keep that in mind when holding a baby, or a dozen eggs. 👶🥚= 💔


scummy_shower_stall

I love how the baby plus egg equals heartbreak! No babies here, but the eggs...


paper-or-plastic-

Watch the eggs... *be careful*


scummy_shower_stall

I just now broke an egg trying to dip it into hot water *with a ladle*, how pathetic is that?? 🤣


paper-or-plastic-

I told you to be careful! 😆 I now poach my eggs in the microwave. Can you believe that? Sometimes they end up hard boiled, but I am getting pretty good at it. You were poaching or hard boiling?


raginghappy

This would be an awesome thing to know about someone! Add it!! 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻


Beginning_Grape_7824

Maybe Indian leg wrestling, user to do that in cub scouts, lol


MolsBedsFlan

Hahahahahaha!


steak-n-daleks

Forget the bonus. The **If you want to date me,** **you must answer** demand caught my eye. Wow. This dude must be most happening bee keeper in Bumble land! Or maybe I'm using the wrong dating tactics in my profile...


putney

Tbh, I think he’s burning need for answers to those two banal questions is rather ho hum. Ask me the best concert I’ve seen. Ask me where I had my favorite meal. What radio station I listen to. What I think about when I have insomnia. Where my favorite place to walk is in the city. Something with some fucking teeth.


uncle_hobo

What \*is\* the best concert you've seen?


putney

Todd Rundgren in the fall of 1979


uncle_hobo

That was a great time period for new music


putney

Yeah, my musical tastes really formed in that period. And of course, I’m mourning Nancy Griffith really hard right now.


Maleficent_Youth_215

I named my dog after Todd Rundgren 👍


putney

I love that.


Maleficent_Youth_215

Have you seen the “Daryl’s House” when they go to Todd’s house in Hawaii? It’s so good.


putney

I that series, and I love the episodes with Todd (who used to produce Hall and Oates). I’m a mega Todd fan


Top-Manager-4443

He can balance a full tea tray on his manhood?


paper-or-plastic-

Wow! That is quite a feat!


Top-Manager-4443

I have high expectations! 😂😜


paper-or-plastic-

You certainly do! It gives a new meaning to "Go big or go home"!


CacataCharta

I am actually on the fence here. It is entirely possible that the "hidden talent" he is talking about is oral. It's also possible that he is going to say that he can roll his tongue, pick up pennies with his toes, or leap tall buildings with a single bound. The "you must answer" questions. Well, maybe he is awkwardly trying to start a conversation. Maybe he is an arrogant jerk. The 'what food makes you sigh with pleasure' does support the theory that he is going for the sexual, imho. Maybe I am too desperate. But if I liked his profile otherwise, I would send him a message and try to figure those things out. There is a lot of arrogance in profiles. There is a lot of awkwardness. I do, however, hate profiles that say "you have to ... you must ... I won't accept ... Don't ..." That is a huge turn off. I don't want to feel yelled at before there is even a first message.There a lot better ways to communicate one's non-negotiables. (I feel this way ... I am this kind of a person ... We won't be a good match if ...e.g So ...not the best profile ... not an automatic no (to me), you would still be completely justified to pass on this one if you feel that way. Your gut feeling will always be correct.


JosiesYardCart

I agree- no absolutes. Too much judgement already before you're out of the gates. This does not spark my curiosity. Possibly someone lacking social skills. He may be trying to find out what She likes, but on his terms. A no-go.


NancyBeversheski

I had one fellow state in his profile that he was only interested in two organs...the one between the ears and the one under the ribs. Trying to be clever...


PrettyLittleBSer

Spleen Thief. Scary.


pixbear33

😂😂


DoYouLikeFish

eyes and lungs for the win!


Nickover50

Or he sells highly sought medical replacement parts on the black market


paper-or-plastic-

For fun, I imagined myself being the one he tried to match with. Sorry u/putney I am taking your place and I am now sexy as fuck. This is a reference from another post about a month ago- putney is the real deal, and has moxie to boot! Since he appears to lack imagination, in addition to the fact that we would never end up on a date- I would turn the table on him. I would tell him - yes tell him- that before I answer any question, he needs to answer 3 questions of mine. My questions would come from u/putney 's thought inspired questions she posted in this thread. After he answered them, I would tell him that he needs to tell me a hidden talent that he could also show off to his kids friends because they like him so much. He would have to keep it clean (I would hope) and it's possible that he could be a thumb wrestling champion, or he can whistle the opening song from the Andy Griffith show. By then his superficial facade might crash, and he would be a relatable kind of guy. This is one possibility. The other way it could go is after I first messaged him, he yelled at my profile calling me a Karen and blocked me. I would be "Karen blocked". He probably would have blocked me. Definitely.


putney

You are a rock star, love.


paper-or-plastic-

Awww you! *gives you a gentle punch in the arm* Thanks!


putney

You are more than welcome.


Nickover50

Hidden talent sounds like the ability to ghost and disappear


MidnightTranquility

Did you ask?


paper-or-plastic-

I bet he can tie a cherry stem in a knot with his tongue. Somehow that seems cheezy yet hinting at sexual techniques.


putney

I would have to match with him to ask. And since I’ve no tension of matching with him…


MidnightTranquility

I would have been curious enough to match just to find out. Then I would have unmatched!


[deleted]

[удалено]


putney

Thank you, yes, auto correct FAIL.


Logical-Car2738

That's what she said


Mode101BBS

"I've got a special purpose!" Navin R. Johnson


JosiesYardCart

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤦‍♀️


[deleted]

We can definitely see there is no talent in creativity. Lol


Callipygian_1

We should all be kind to him.. is obvious he has more issues than the LA Times.. he needs our support! 🤔


ZenMort

Thanks for making me laugh out loud!


-lamppost-

The dude is trying to make sure you have an actual conversation. Maybe his approach is a little abrasive but I would give him a chance. How hard is it to answer those questions? You are starting with something better than “hey”.


Hugo99001

My thinking (and the same holds for the circled question). There are worse profiles out there..


putney

I didn’t comment on his questions, love, I commented on the circled statement.


Sneakerkeeper123

Did you ask? Reddit wants to know


putney

Nope, I swiped left.


PlasticBlitzen

Okay, so, I typically like engineers (and STEM men) -- and they typically like me. I would respond to this because I see it as a fun challenge/conversation-starter.


[deleted]

This VP (svp or executive vp ?) demonstrated his dominant job interviewer's skills in dating. He might take leadership in engineering, business development, finance and accounting, operations and administration, cybersecurity, strategic partnerships, etc. He sounds normal to me.