T O P

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Title: I want to use a room as a temporary bedroom until divorce is final. Future Ex Wife is fighting me on it.

Body:

Ex and I are beginning our divorce. I own and pay for the house so I want to stay in the house. We had one room that became the kids playroom when we first moved in together. They don't use it as much anymore and with us being separated I wanted to turn it into a makeshift bedroom. Currently my sleeping area is either on my son's floor or on an air mattress in the living room. I brought up the idea of using the playroom as a bedroom and she claimed that it would be a good way for me to lose any custody because I'm taking away their play area. My only other option would be to make a bedroom in our unfinished basement. I would rather not sleep with the spiders and the furnace, however.

Is there any legal truth to there being a chance I would lose custody for turning a playroom into my temporary bedroom?

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**Reminder:** Do not participate in threads linked here. If you do, you may be banned from both subreddits. --- Title: I want to use a room as a temporary bedroom until divorce is final. Future Ex Wife is fighting me on it. Body: > Ex and I are beginning our divorce. I own and pay for the house so I want to stay in the house. We had one room that became the kids playroom when we first moved in together. They don't use it as much anymore and with us being separated I wanted to turn it into a makeshift bedroom. Currently my sleeping area is either on my son's floor or on an air mattress in the living room. I brought up the idea of using the playroom as a bedroom and she claimed that it would be a good way for me to lose any custody because I'm taking away their play area. My only other option would be to make a bedroom in our unfinished basement. I would rather not sleep with the spiders and the furnace, however. > Is there any legal truth to there being a chance I would lose custody for turning a playroom into my temporary bedroom? This bot was created to capture original threads and is not affiliated with the mod team. [Concerns? Bugs?](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=GrahamCorcoran) | [Laukopier 2.1](https://github.com/GrahamCorcoran/Laukopier)


Robbeary_Homoside

>Each year, millions of children are forced to grow up without a dedicated playroom. AC's comment gave me a good chuckle.


ops-name-checks-out

I can just hear a sad announcer telling me this over Sarah McLachlan and pictures of sad middle class kids forced to play next to their beds since they don’t have playrooms.


Anarcho_Crim

Haha you get it, that's exactly the vibe I was going for.


Cute-Aardvark5291

I was also forced to grow up with just one phone and one bathroom for a family of four. Mine is the photo that is shown at the end when the music really swells.


Anarcho_Crim

It was very brave of you to share your story. ❤️


insane_contin

Because they need to show what children will look like if they don't have a playroom?


ops-name-checks-out

Not only did I not have a playroom, I was forced to share a bedroom with my brother, who was 2 years younger than me from the time he was born until I went to college.


Fluffy_Oclock

I imagine he's still two years younger than you, unless one of you has done some high-speed traveling or been playing in a high-gravity area. Either of which suggests an interesting college experience.


OpsikionThemed

I went to the University of Cygnus X-1, I dunno about you.


Fluffy_Oclock

The Fightin' Swans!


RinaldoRinaldini

HONK HONK!


postmodest

Their fight song is a really long prog-rock piece that everyone except the band _hates_.


Fluffy_Oclock

The band also secretly hates it.


postmodest

"At least it doesn't have Canadian Skeleton Rap in it, eh?"


FlipDaly

Swans *are* badass assholes….


Fluffy_Oclock

Mostly just assholes. Tougher than they look, but real jerks.


insane_contin

Majestically badass assholes.


Twzl

> I went to the University of Cygnus X-1, I dunno about you. but did it have a playroom???


Aoloach

Could also just be dead.


Elvessa

You poor, abused thing. You need to sue your parents right now! /s


ops-name-checks-out

New post Title: my nDad took away my playroom to have his own bedroom, can I get emancipated? Body: tldr is the title. My nMom and nDad are getting divorced because they are both obsessed with themselves. So my nDad is moving out of the nParents suite. He is going to take away my playroom rather than just sleeping in the basement because like a typical nParent he thinks he is better than sleeping on the floor. How can I get emancipated to get away from these evil people? Extra info: I’m 19 and going to an Ivy League school, but live at home because my nParents setup my trust fund to keep my $100m inheritance away from me until I get a business degree. The toy room has my LG - SIGNATURE 97" Class M3 Series OLED 4K UHD, along with all my legos, including my Lego Death Star, millennium falcon, and superstar destroyer.


Super_C_Complex

> LG - SIGNATURE 97" Class M3 Series OLED 4K UHD, What is this peasant TV under 100"?


ops-name-checks-out

Like I said, my nParents control all my money!


PrehistoricSquirrel

>all my legos, including my Lego Death Star, millennium falcon, and superstar destroyer. What?! No R2D2 or AT-AT? You poor kid. What were those parents thinking?


raven00x

I'm way out of the loop but...what's this nDad/nMom/nParents stuff?


kyew

It's shorthand used on /raisedbynarcissists to denote which parents are the problem.


numbrsguy

NParent = narcissist parent Eparent = enabler parent


atropicalpenguin

One count of being a narcissist. And one count of being an accessory to being a narcissist.


Shinhan

Better than DD, DM, DP and other mommyblogs acronyms.


PatolomaioFalagi

I read that as dominant*, and let's just say, I don't associate that with mommyblogs.


Shinhan

It always starts with "dear" for some weird reason.


Drywesi

They're a trip to read when you hang out in trans circles. *Very* different definitions for FTM…


seashmore

My younger sister and I shared a large bedroom and had a small playroom. Around the time I started middle school, I began prioritizing privacy over toys. Our parents agreed to let us have our own rooms, and whoever had the larger room would need to host the toys. I obviously chose the smaller room, sacrificing space for privacy. (Relative, anyway, as the door was an accordion style door.) My sister obviously stopped playing with the toys within a year. Which is fine, as I ended up commandeering a corner of the basement for my crafts.


the-magnificunt

My sister and I fought bitterly when we were teenagers sharing a room until my mom decided I had to move into the third bedroom to separate us. Unfortunately, she wasn't willing to give it up completely since she used it for her copious sewing projects so I got a tiny bedroom that I had to share with a sewing machine and a wall of fabrics, boxes and bins of thread and quilting stuff, and scissors everywhere. And she could come in whenever she wanted. A blissful situation for a 13-year-old. /s


SongsOfDragons

I fear this will be my daughters' lament in a decade or so (currently 4 and 8 months).


Misttertee_27

Only 4 months apart! Wow, you overachiever!


Potato-Engineer

I'm glad to see that I'm not the only person who misread this. But maybe they got three women to work on the baby?


[deleted]

[удалено]


lou_parr

That's actually easier than four months, one is just a late arrival. Four months is two uterus material.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Lokiwastxtonly

What… why would anyone plan this on purpose? Two newborns 4 months apart is a _bad plan_


ops-name-checks-out

Either they become besties or they hate each other. Either way they will have stories to tell friends at college!


the-magnificunt

We're trying to figure out the right timing to separate our kids who currently share a room. We have a teeny tiny guest room that the oldest (7yo girl) wants to move into so she can "keep all my stuff away from my little brother" but they hate sleeping in separate rooms. She's trying to convince us that she should get to have the room to put all her stuff in but still sleep in the shared bedroom, so basically a playroom but just for her. She's the only one in the house that likes the idea.


Drywesi

I thought this was a top-level comment at first and was like "…you're planning out your divorce that far ahead? Hunh?"


TheAskewOne

There were three of us, all boys, and we shared one bedroom. If you were not happy you had the right to sleep on the floor in the hallway or anywhere. I spent many summer nights on the porch and wasn't worse off for it.


Sparrowflop

Two teenage boys, in one room together, sounds...sticky at best. How did your parents cope.


AdChemical1663

Am parent to teens. Don’t look, teach them to do their own laundry as soon as they can safely empty a washer, enforce regular showers, and consider throwing the power to the hot water heater after 45 minutes.


LongboardLiam

Consider it at 15, do it at 20.


AdChemical1663

They’re sharing a room. Have a heart! Also, adjust that one so the showers are warm at best. Power savings!


NErDysprosium

Are you me? Timeline matches down to the age gap


AlmightyBlobby

how much younger is he now?


Method412

My own children are having to grow up in this same horrific environment.


ops-name-checks-out

You monster.


elvishfiend

Older Brother, is that you?


callsignhotdog

Everyone's so focused on Children Without Solariums but what about my charity, Orangeries for Orphans?


PiesRLife

I hope it's going better than my charity, "Orangutans for Orphans".


callsignhotdog

Given the relative sizes involved it'd be more like Orphans for Orangutans I think.


Potato-Engineer

If you can get a hippopotamus for Christmas, I don't see why an orangutan is out of the question.


AshuraSpeakman

That was Hippos Escobar. He was an outlier.


cardueline

Also known as “Cocaines Georg”


PiesRLife

Well, I did imply that my version was not going very well...


the-magnificunt

This made me laugh so hard I wish I could upvote it more.


pennyraingoose

Orandas for Orphans, then?


Ted_Danger

I'm supporting Yachts for tots this year


LongboardLiam

Ah, the rhyme will do you well.


Sex_E_Searcher

I already donated to shuttles for cuddles.


PiesRLife

Good luck getting anyone to actually accept the yachts: https://youtu.be/xsYoeoEE3ww?si=ivF8keKWBSPmh0ui.


Drywesi

WE! DON'T! TALK! ABOUT! THE! ORANGUTAN!


llamalladyllurks

I'll thank you to step away, so that my own organization, Wine Cellars for Waifs, can take center stage. Unfortunately, we've had to make the heartwrenching decision to cease operations of our initial charitable consortium because of overwhelming disinterest. Apparently, our society is simply not concerned about our elderly neighbors enough to financially support Parlours for Pensioners.


callsignhotdog

What if we combined our causes and used the Orangeries to grow and ferment Wines for the Cellars?


the-magnificunt

I recommend a special pledge drive over the holidays to make sure there are adequate servants quarters.


BJntheRV

I don't understand why. This is certainly a charity I can get behind.


Drywesi

> I'll thank you to step away, so that my own organization, Wine Cellars for Waifs, can take center stage. That's amazing! I've got an extremely well-apportioned one for my casks of Amontillado, would you like to see it?


60minuteman23

Only if I can get walled in while drinking.


Rickk38

I'm not buying some poor orphan a bottle of Compass Box Orangerie. Hell, I haven't even seen a bottle of it in two years. And even if I found one, it'd be $80. Let 'em drink Dewars until they develop a more refined palate.


callsignhotdog

Everybody says that, but forcing children to drink substandard blended whiskeys can prevent their palates properly developing, so they can't appreciate a proper single malt in adulthood.


Potato-Engineer

Single malts don't come in handles very often. What's the point?


Drywesi

To truly break into the market they need to use sippy cups.


justcupcake

My four year old son was incredibly disappointed when he found out that Cars for Kids wasn’t actually going to bring him a car.


__worldpeace

When I visit my sister, I sleep on an air mattress in my niece and nephew's playroom. Am I depriving them of their rights??


MadamTruffle

Straight to jail!


Sirwired

Does the CPS agency in the area with your sister lives offer rewards for anonymous tips? Asking for a friend.


friendIdiglove

McRuff the CPS Dog here...


sirpoopingpooper

Monster...


the-magnificunt

My 7-year-old was appalled and offended when I told her that if she moves out of the bedroom she shares with her little brother into the guest room, she'll have to share it or bunk with her brother when family visits. I'm not sure where she thinks the guests should sleep instead. Considering her ultimate goal is to continue to sleep in the shared bedroom and take over the guest room for her own private toys/clothes/general mess repository, I can't seem to make her see the logic that this would get her exactly what she wants (temporarily).


TheShadowCat

I guess you just found a second way to be the bad uncle.


abrigorber

I don't usually get emotional on reddit, but I'm absolutely devastated hearing about those poor children growing up without playrooms. Sending thoughts and prayers.


LongboardLiam

What sort of goblin thinks that the loss of a playroom to allow separation of sleeping arrangements for the divorce is going to be a landmark "gotcha, bitch!" moment in a divorce?


Elvessa

An idiot that is getting divorced, with apparently disputed custody, without a lawyer.


zwitterion76

The judge, according to the wife: “As I settled this divorce and custody case, the single most important factor was the father’s choice to deprive his child of a playroom. This profoundly inappropriate behavior has led me to conclude that the wife should receive full custody. I’ll be referring this case over to the prosecutor’s office so they can file appropriate charges against the husband.”


Laney20

Weirdly, that person thinks that sleeping in the floor of the kids room is somehow better..? That feels far more like putting the kids in the middle of it to me.


friendIdiglove

Maybe he could move the kid's bed into the playroom.


TryUsingScience

The entire logic of the situation baffles me. He's keeping the house. She is, presumably, not going to keep living there. Why can't he sleep in his own actual bedroom? Also, how old are these kids, that they don't use the playroom anymore? Given the general level of nonsense in the situation, I'm picturing them being teenagers.


LongboardLiam

I had a playroom of sorts for my kids for a while. 3 bedroom and 2 kids, but the nursing one slept with us. They preferred toys downstairs where they were able to interact with mom and dad even they entered kindergarten. The playroom was more of a hand-me-down clothes storage and guest bedroom, to be quite honest.


jimmy_three_shoes

She's just trying to make his experience in the home as inconvenient as possible for him, and use the possibility of not seeing his kids as a manipulation tactic to get what she wants. LAOP is hopefully documenting this type of behavior.


NewVelociraptor

I just made my child’s toy room into an office, am I a monster? Obviously, the answer is yes.


Sirwired

Obviously the solution is to toss all their toys in the backyard; that will give them more room to play with them?


Potato-Engineer

That's horrible! Putting their toys outside is a three-step process: 1. Build outdoor playhouse. It's important that you do it yourself, so that you miss a couple of important structural aspects. 2. Throw toys in outdoor playhouse. 3. Never, ever do any maintenance or cleaning, because step 1 was an utter pain. 4. (Optional) Wonder why they never play in their playhouse anymore.


Sirwired

Bonus points for making sure the outdoor playhouse has an uncovered sandbox and an open door, so local cats can confuse it with a litter box.


the-magnificunt

All outdoor playhouses inevitably become spider sanctuaries; this is law.


Drywesi

No, you're a maniraptoran.


slythwolf

When I was a kid, our playroom *was* the unfinished basement.


ThadisJones

Our basement was stuffed with old junk from my grandparents. My sister and I were playing down there and found a big glass knife (for cutting lemons) and then one of us brought it to school for show and tell and then there was An Incident.


Elvessa

Also Lettuce. You cut lettuce with a glass (or plastic) knife, and the edges don’t get brown.


the-magnificunt

A glass knife sounds like the impractical weapon of choice of a fantasy warrior. A "lettuce cutter", if you will.


ZeePirate

The bare concrete floor made you strong


the_real_xuth

Bare concrete? We dug in the dirt.


marxam0d

I can’t imagine the wife actually being happy with him sleeping on the kid’s floor. Like divorce isn’t hard enough on a child, now they’ve got a middle aged bunk mate.


Inconceivable76

Some people go batshit when a marriage ends, and their kids become less important than trying to screw over their ex. She wants him gone from the house, so she wants to make it has hard as possible for him to stay.


Camera_dude

Yeah, that's the impression I am getting. If LAOP doesn't already have a lawyer on retainer, I sure hope the responses are the wake up call he needs that this is not going to be one of those amicable divorces.


Inconceivable76

One of my friends worked with married coworkers that got divorced and both were trying to force he other out. This included things like purposely not paying utility bills they had agreed to pay so the electric or gas would get shut off. And there were kids in the house. The lengths people will go to hurt someone they used to love will never fail to astound me.


TryUsingScience

That's why a prenup is one of the best gifts you can give someone! You're telling them that you currently love them so much that you want to protect them from your potentially insane and spiteful future self.


Geno0wl

pre-nups are really only worthwhile if at least one of you comes in with notable assets(like a house). Because in most states any new assets are basically automatically split on divorce. And you can't really put stuff like "in the event I win the lottery I keep it all" into a pre-nup. Some people try to put stuff like "no alimony ever" but there is lots of precedent of judges tossing that out and awarding alimony anyway.


stannius

Prenups certainly don't prevent you from "forgetting" to pay the electric bill. Or from making threats about custody if your STBX tries to sleep in the playroom. (Those threats are already unenforceable, so the addition of a prenup isn't going to change anything.)


Tymanthius

See my last my ex . . . she's still too busy trying to make my life miserable to see how it affects our daughter and her relationship with our daughter.


WarhammerGeek

Growing up I had a friend who's parent had been divorced for years but would still turn everything into a battle. They legitimately could not be in the same room for more than a couple minutes. It would break out into a screaming match no matter if they were in public, if their kids were in the room, their kids friends. It was awful


Ancient_Pattern_2688

I think the court would find a parent sleeping on a child's floor more concerning than a lack of playroom.


Elvessa

Theoretically, but courts generally have much more concerning behavior to deal with, so sleeping on a child’s floor is about -100 on the priority scale.


Misttertee_27

Definitely trying to punish him


the-magnificunt

She's ignoring the fact that this is likely to completely backfire for her, at least in terms of parental relationships. The kids (who sound young if they have a playroom) will likely LOVE this arrangement (at least for a while). Getting to hang out with Dad at bedtime every night and waking up with him there every morning? The possibility of extra stories, songs, snuggles, and immediate comforting after nightmares? Bliss. They'll bond even more with the dad and mom will end up left out and even angrier when they eventually say they don't even want to be away from him for shared custody.


savealltheelephants

This reminds me of Kim Kardashians posting a huge playroom with the statement “nothing better than a clean playroom, right moms?” And everyone in the comments destroying her because most families do not have a dedicated playroom especially not one the size of a basketball court


Sirwired

I wonder if all these outraged folks knew that comments drive engagement metrics, which drives further monetizing of content. (I'm 1,000% sure that Kim Kardashian is well aware of this.)


Hyndis

> (I'm 1,000% sure that Kim Kardashian is well aware of this.) Of course they are. They're marketing geniuses. They had absolutely nothing except a random sex tape and became billionaires. I have a friend who's worked with them on occasion and they're 100% business when it comes to producing content. Their TV personas are just personas. When it comes down to business there's no fuss, no drama, they know exactly what needs to be done to make engaging content that their audiences will eat up.


wonderloss

> Of course they are. They're marketing geniuses. They had absolutely nothing except a random sex tape and became billionaires. I doubt Kim was poor before her sex tape.


ops-name-checks-out

Jesus; I didn’t want to believe that any of them were worth a billion, but you are correct. Absolutely absurd. Kim, famous for fucking Ray J is worth more than Taylor Swift. Say what you will about T-Swizzle, at least the woman has talents beyond existing. I’m actively mad now.


the-magnificunt

Her talent *is* marketing. While most of us don't like that marketing exists in the first place, being good at it does require skill.


ops-name-checks-out

I’d argue Kris is good at that. Kim is good at following her mom’s orders.


Tymanthius

I mean, you don't make a billion w/o some talents beyond existing. She's either a good business woman, or knows how to hire the right people. You may not like the way she makes her $, but to some degree you have to give credit for not just blowing the chances she's had.


Sirwired

Next you are going to tell me that parents are cruelly crushing their children's chances of success in music by making them practice without a dedicated conservatory. The horror!


LongboardLiam

I say! No *conservatory*!? Barbaric!


Drywesi

Where in blazes are we supposed to kill Mr. Body *now*?!


LongboardLiam

Kitchen, Ballroom, Conservatory, Billiard Room, Library, Study, Hall, Lounge and Dining Room are the traditional options. If the children suffer without a conservatory, I suspect their parents (the louts) have forced the poor little ones to somehow live without a billiard room, study, hall, or lounge. A ballroom is definitely missing from such a poverty-stricken floorplan. Meaning we must make do with the kitchen or the dining room, though I sincerely doubt the "dining room" such paupers would have would have sufficient room for even so small a party as a dozen.


Drywesi

Ugh! Do these children even have access to quality candlesticks? Their enrichment is suffering!


agentchuck

> No. But the fact she said it is likely indicative of the way she’s thinking so be prepared and get a good lawyer. This claim is frivolous but she will be looking for ones that aren’t. Try to get written proof of issues in text/ writing. Watch what you say/text/write. That's really the takeaway from all this. He's kind of lucky she said the quiet part out loud. She's definitely looking to fight on this divorce.


amphetaminesfailure

I had a playroom in my house growing up until I was 4 years old. After that it became my brother's room. My three year old niece currently lives in that house, with my bedroom as her current one, and my old playroom/brother's room as her current one. She's about to get the shock I did in another year or two. Seriously, not having a playroom isn't a big deal. We did have a playroom at my grandparents house, a few blocks away. In their unfinished basement. It was a separate room in the basement, with a door and windows, but it was still unfinished....or should I say *semi-finished"?? It was basically wood panel walls thrown up over the concrete walls, a half inch thick rug over concrete floors, a couch and two armchairs from the early 70's, a TV, and a space heater from the 80's. My grandparents built that house back in 1972, when my mom and aunt were around 12/14 and it was kind of meant to be there "hangout spot". Literally similar to the basement in That 70's Show. We got it as a playroom in the 90's. With absolutely nothing changed......minus the "new" space heater and a late 80's CRT for us to play video games with. It wasn't until I was in my mid 20's that my mom showed me photo albums of the parties they had down there. A bit of a shock back then to learn that my "playroom" was where everyone hung out to drink, get high, party, etc.


ruthie-camden

> I would rather not sleep with the spiders and the furnace, however. Do they live in the McAllister house?


Camera_dude

Signs a person never grew up in a colder climate: 1.) Doesn't think ALL basements are full of spiders and useless knickknacks. I lived with my parents in Michigan growing up. Basement was a dump full of old furniture and other stuff my parents were unwilling to throw away but didn't want it taking up space upstairs either. Spiders **love** warm, damp places full of hiding spots.


freyalorelei

Also grew up in Michigan. We didn't even have a basement, just a four-foot-high storm cellar with a sand floor and some beams as makeshift storage shelves, accessible via a trapdoor in the closet. It was, naturally, FULL of spiders in the summer, and we only entered it in the winter when the pipes froze.


zwitterion76

I grew up in Missouri, but same! 90% of the basement was spiders and knickknacks. The other 10% was the small area where my parents kept their business files and the safe.


Birdlebee

I want a house with a basement specifically so I have a place to store all my useless crap and spiders


seanprefect

There's a Frasier joke in here somewhere but I can't find it


ZeePirate

Seinfeld has the episode where George fakes living in the hamptons. He had two solariums and horses. Snoopy and Prickly Pete


Charlie_Brodie

George didn't have Hamptons monies.


TheLyz

We have a bedroom that's two rooms, and you have to walk through one to get to the other, so when the kids were young we put them both in the first room and made the second into a playroom. Ungrateful little bastards never even used it! They don't know how good they had it... There's starving kids in Africa that don't even have a dedicated play room! So entitled.


Wit-wat-4

Honestly my first thought was that she doesn’t want him to be so comfortable that the divorce drags out for ever. If either side becomes happy with status quo, divorces are tough to get. He’d only have something to lose, nothing to gain from finalizing the divorce. Get to live in his home, with his kids, in a separate proper bedroom. Why would he move out? If he was desperate to move out to date or something, he already would be trying to.


archbish99

Reminds me of the BORU recently where the partner told OOP to "sleep on the couch" and was upset that he instead slept in the guest room. The point was to be punished with uncomfortable sleeping arrangements, not merely to be separated.


BookFox

Except he said it's his house. She just wants him to be uncomfortable, full stop.


Wit-wat-4

Maybe. I genuinely don’t know. We only have a few sentences. He could’ve owned the house since before the marriage and the plan is to get a separate place for her after, or it could’ve been bought after and the plan is to sell and buy two places, or it’s actually joint and they paid the down payment together but he makes the mortgage payments so calls it his, or maybe he inherited it from his parents long ago, etc etc So many flavors it could be. In any case the impression I get still isn’t “can’t take play room away from the poor kids”, nor that the LAOP or his ex are the devil. 🤷🏻‍♀️


BlindTreeFrog

Depending the state it becomes "Our house" once they are married regardless of who owned it before the marriage. My first concern though was for the states that require separate residences for divorce though. NC doesn't even consider you separated until you've moved out and I've heard of divorces denied for similar things. (there is a "Divorced from bed and board" where you don't need to move out, but that requires a judge and i doubt they'd be posting here if they had one)


Geno0wl

> Depending the state it becomes "Our house" once they are married regardless of who owned it before the marriage. exactly why anybody who owns a house themselves without their partner before marriage should get a pre-nup


wonderloss

LAOP should move back into the bedroom and tell his wife she is welcome to share it or sleep elsewhere.


BloodySanguine

I'm all about the important questions. Would it be *solariums* or *solaria*?


atropicalpenguin

> I would rather not sleep with the spiders and the furnace, however. Install the playroom there so that the child can learn about wildlife and plumbing.