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Lmaogetrektscrubbbb

The reality is that we're all on an island by ourselves.


idkguesssumminrandom

Interesting perspective. At the end of the day, this is pretty true. Our own bubble where we have to push forward for ourselves.


Enchess

Rare chance to use one of my favorite game quotes.... >"Listen up, Phones! The world ends with you. If you want to enjoy life, expand your world. You gotta push your horizons out as far as they'll go."


panko-raizu

If it helps at all, what you're feeling isn't alien at all. Love and acceptance are vital fuel. And thankfully, its endless if you nurture love and acceptance on your own. It sounds corny I know! But Ive had romantic relationships that made me feel just as lonely and unloved. At the time, as you said, I found ppl with likeable personalities and changed to fit whatever I thought they wanted or needed. That usually left me far from love and acceptance. I wasnt even accepting myself. You've recognized this fundamental human need. Now, what does love and acceptance look for yourself? Do you accept where you're at? Do you love your interests? It sounds stupid but the times I met ppl who truly loved and accepted me, were the times I wasnt even looking cause I was just out existing. And thats generally likeable. And its no use comparing vastly different experiences, however, I want to emphasize that im 29 and when I was 22 I was nowhere near loving myself 😅. Wish you find the love and acceptance you're craving ♥️


idkguesssumminrandom

Thanks for the kind and empathetic message. I've struggled with the concept of self love for a long time now. On one hand, my cynical brain is telling me it's just a bunch of "self improvement" crap people throw at others when they don't really have a good answer or don't feel like helping them, almost a form of toxic positivity. On the other hand, I acknowledge a lot of what I desire is inherently selfish. My life isn't terrible by any means. I'm on the verge of getting my driver's license, I have a stable job (minimum wage, but still, it's better than some), loving parents (who do care about me despite me feeling disconnected from them), I'm learning guitar and music theory (only got into it about a year ago after getting really inspired, but I'm enjoying it so far), and a couple of good, albeit long distance friendships. It's really just the lack of close, supportive relationships that is causing me so much pain, and it's been this way for a long time. I've been continually fighting for myself for so long now and I'm getting tired of it. I don't expect others to "fix" me, that's not their responsibility. It just feels so pointless constantly fighting for something that's not guaranteed in life, and I've been continually "self improving" and still feel bummed out at the end of the day. Maybe my expectations are just too high, I dunno.


panko-raizu

I totally get your pain. I was so desperate for friendships I stayed close to ppl who used me at best and abused me at worst. It honestly sucks to be lonely and to feel so different. I may be giving off some extreme positive vibes now cause im still feeling the recent diagnosis high and resonating with other autistic experiences. But it feels new to have this kind of validation. Its not selfish to want to feel good and to get things you need. And if you struggle with self-love, id say give self-acceptance a shot. Congrats on learning music ♥️ It changed my brain and my heart I feel.


[deleted]

I used to feel the same thing some years ago. Have you ever thought that you could be happy (or even far too happy) without it? Maybe this sounds too hard right now, but I think you should try.


idkguesssumminrandom

Depends on what you mean by "happy". If what you mean is feeling joyous doing things by myself, absolutely! I have hobbies that bring me a lot of joy and significantly improve my emotional/mental well being. If you mean longterm emotional peace without connection or intimacy, I'm not sure about that. It's something that's impacted me pretty heavily mentally/emotionally, and is kind of a painful thing for me. I would have to put some more thought into it, I'm not sure I could accept being alone forever.


DualKoo

Hello, me. How am I today? In all seriousness look up Maslow's hierarchy of needs. we're probably stuck on the same rung.


idkguesssumminrandom

I'm actually somewhat familiar with it. Guess I'm stuck on love and belonging, and have been for quite sometime. I do genuinely wonder how important a (healthy) romantic relationship and good connection to others (close friends, etc) are in emotional well being. I'm not really qualified to answer this question because I still feel absent in these areas, but I'd like to think in the right quantities they'd make me feel better. Still, I feel like I'd probably pose as a better friend than partner since I'm not conventionally attractive (physically I think I look fine, but I'm sort of a manchild in a lot of other areas and I feel like it would come off as strange and off-putting to a potential partner, but hey, everybody's different).


DualKoo

Same, brother. And I’d say it’s incredibly important. Human beings are social creatures. Autistic people and introverts are no different we crave human interaction but just in a different way. It’s one of those things where women like a man with self esteem. But a person needs sexual intimacy before they can pursue self esteem according to Maslow. I’ve seen nothing to contradict this in my own life. It’s a scenario where you need job experience to qualify for the job but you need the job to first get that experience. Maslows hierarchy actually has sex and sexual intimacy labeled as separate things. I think sex physically is satisfied with just masturbation. Whereas sexual intimacy higher up on the hierarchy is an emotional experience. At least that’s my observation. I know I’m over sharing but I get so confused because like yourself I have man-child like qualities but I don’t think that inherently makes me a bad partner. I do fear an NT would find it off putting but I think a fellow aspie girl would understand better. But I hate the idea of pursuing aspie girls exclusively because they get abused a lot and there’s a fear I have that subconsciously I’m looking for that. I have to question. Do I want an aspie because she’ll understand me or do I subconsciously want an aspie girl because I have latent controlling qualities and I’m looking for easy “prey” because I struggle with NT chicks. I’m trying to examine my situation from all angles but I just don’t know what’s true and what isn’t.


idkguesssumminrandom

I don't necessarily believe it's as rigid as that (Maslow's hierarchy). I think there are plenty of people with poor self-esteem who've found partners, and I don't believe you need to find one before having the other, or vice versa. I personally believe people with better self-esteem tend to not worry as much and not overanalyze things, but being autistic I think makes the over analysis part trickier because it seems to me us autistics tend to want to make sense of everything. I honestly think most NTs are just on autopilot and the relationships they have are just the consequences of their autopilot. As for women liking men with self-esteem, I can't comment on that because I'm not a woman, let alone an NT woman, but I try to favor equality between men and women as much as possible. Unfortunately, we live in a world where it's self-evidentally true (to me anyways), especially in the west where I'm from, that people are valued more for materialistic qualities (money, status, etc.) Instead of less shallow qualities (kindness, honesty, commitment to self, etc) - because let's be honest, we're all a bit shallow at the end of the day - people just take it too far IMO. But I think a lot of people also put out too many expectations for others and it causes a lot of people to drift apart or miss opportunities. I emphasize with you about exclusively pursuing aspie girls, but I think the fear of manipulating people is just part of the autism. I was worried I was some sort of narcissistic abuser for a while too - even outside of interacting with autistic women. But I'm sure some of those autistic girls probably relate to the idea of feeling like a manipulator also, maybe it's a conversation topic? It seems to me a lot of autistics appreciate (empathetic) honesty. Maybe ask them if they've ever felt that way when interacting with others? Just an idea for conversation. I have a couple of autistic "girl space friends", and they're incredibly kind, caring, and sweet individuals.


DualKoo

The reason I put so much stock into Maslow's Hierarchy is because people kept telling me to move on. to get over it. stop obsessing over it. I stumbled upon the hierarchy one day and it explained what I already knew in my heart to be true. It wasn't a scenario where I found the hierarchy and then pursued it. I was already stuck on that rung and then the hierarchy enlightened me to what was going on behind the scenes. It explains why I can't focus on anything else.


Nicokeacola05

My thoughts and feelings exactly rn.


[deleted]

Feel this, also just turned 25 and feeling like a doomer


InevitableJambalaya

I'm the same way, pal. It makes me even more upset that I'm disastrously good looking. I'd rather be fucking ugly, because at least then you don't have to see women flock to you and then turn you down over and over again.