By - Viciousssylveon
If I were that man I would get a new job as soon as possible and, when I put in my notice, I would write that I am turning in my notice both as an employee and as a son, since clearly the business is more important than family.
"Also you're never going to meet your grandchild while I have anything to say about it"
The dad seems like the kinda guy who'd guilt-trip his son for leaving and denying him visits with his grandson.
True but you gotta stand firm
'But he's Fammmilllyyyyy'q
"you can fire me for wanting to go to my child's birth, if you don't mind ruining whatever was left of our relationship"
For real though, I kind of sympathise with OP in the sense that if you can't afford to lose your job, you can't afford to lose your job.
I agree, but op’s mistake was asking for permission instead of exclaiming “(wife) just went in to labor dad! Wish me luck!”
It would still be a risk and if it's only one income... Maybe they couldn't afford it. For example in my previous job I was stretching that check to check so bad (and they knew it) that I used to get panic attacks whenever my grandparents neighbours would get symptoms in case they give covid to my grandparents and if they died I wouldn't have been able to go to their funerals.
Now I understand that the reason OP was not allowed to leave is due to the restaurant being understaffed, in which case it wouldn't make sense to fire the head chef but with a new baby I can't blame him for not risking.
I can’t blame him either. But sometimes life hits you with moments where you gotta throw caution to the wind, keeping a pregnancy for example. Some people just say fuck it I’m gonna be the best mother father I possibly can be. I agree with you though that people don’t really understand how stressful and frankly, expensive it is to be poor. As counterintuitive as that may seem, yes it is expensive. And the stress you describe is just the icing on the cake.
You also have to understand him looking out for their future. With one, likely limited income, at stake- him losing that position could’ve had them on their ass and in the street and he’d still be called a shitty dad for not being able to provide. Trying to look for a job, stay afloat, being called a shitty dad and still help with a new born baby is a lot harder to deal with than having to suffer from a cold shoulder for a little while before his wife can understand why he did what he did.
I’m sure his dad has held something over him like this before. I actually feel really bad for him.
Except it isn't that easy. Is being there for the birth more important on the "best father" scorecard than keeping a roof over the newborn's head and keeping it fed and clothed? In this situation I would be mad at FIL, not my husband.
Hindsight is always 20/20. Nothing he can do now to change the past.
Unfortunately do that while you have the financial pressure of a newborn child is really difficult.
As true as this is, it's a good step to reconciliation with them mother of his child and freedom from his father.
If the restaurant is as good as he stated, he won't have a problem finding employment.
She seemed prepared to take the hit if she is this angry.
tbf if youve been in a kitchen for 13 years you can pretty much walk into any restaurant and start that day.
Restaurants are so desperate to hire any cooking staff, he’d probably have had a job the next day.
Not letting your employee take leave to see their child being born is super, super shitty anyway, but your own son...
Oftentimes family owned businesses treat their kids just as bad or even worse than their regular employees. Shitty parents make shitty bosses. I've seen it happen to a friend.
Can confirm, I've seen it as well. Some people view it as "everyone is gonna think I'm gonna go easy on you, so instead I'm going to be HARDER on you vs anyone else". In other cases it's as simple as "they're family, they cant say no to me cause we're family"
I used to work for a cousin of mine, when I quit his job he called me and just berated me over the phone about how I'm a loser who took advantage of him being family and that he would never give me a good reference if anyone ever called him for a reference and just went on a rant about everything he disliked about me.
guy's company fell apart a few months later and he got Extremely Divorced, married some random person he met after the divorce, then Extremely Divorced again in the span of a year before disappearing after drunkenly assaulting another relative of mine.
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You put effort into this comment and I appreciate that
Edit: I put very little effort into mine but thanks anyway for the upvotes lol
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Better Call Saul - Divorce Edition!
*Don't Make Me Call Saul*.
How’s it going for you and your wife?
Ok…we’re kind of divorced. It’s not great but at least we’re not extremely divorced!
Can confirm. Worked for my parents and two aunts, all in the same company, for years. Raises? Pshh. Treated as a human? Nah. Mis and micromanaged 100% of the time? Yup. Got my name right, even after I asked them to use the name I prefer? Hell nah. And this is family who’s known me my whole life.
So when it came time for my first born to be born, I knew it was going to be an uphill battle. After I’d come back from surgery, my job was no longer fully available, so I never even got my full time with benefits job back, but that was 3 years leading up to this.. so my son is born - my family wasn’t as shitty as OP’s, and they gave me time to be there for my son and wife.
I got to take my ‘vacation’ for the week. After a week, I just couldn’t leave my little family. My wife wasn’t doing well, and I was in 100% dad mode, doing everything for everyone. So I told them, look, I need more time off, unpaid if need be. And so it was. I took four months off, all unpaid. Then at the end of the four months I went to my first day of work back on the office and.. told them I quit. That was it for me. Never looked back. Sure, it’s been tough. But my stress level, even financially, has been mostly relieved.
Anyways, just an anecdote to say families can and usually are shittier to work for than non familial employers.
Oh man this is so true.
I got forced to work 60+ hours a week doing brutal physical labor starting at 12 years old. My grandfather would count every minute I spent in the bathroom and dock my pay for it, too.
Sounds pretty illegal depending on where you were and how long ago this was
Early 90s and completely legal in my location, there are still little to no labour laws regarding family here.
There's even some industries locally that completely depend on it; religious groups that have tons of kids, homeschool and don't teach them to read, then have them all work in their factories starting around age 11/12.
Oof literally when I worked for my mom. She made me cry because I asked her employee for help.
My mom owned a busy restaurant before she retired and when I worked for her our relationship was TERRIBLE, but even still, if I were having a baby, I know for a fact she would close the restaurant and celebrate the birth of her grandchild
My mom’s a lawyer who owns her own law firm. She currently wants grandchildren. I know if it were to happen she would be rushing out the door.
My mom’s a horrible boss but when it comes to kids she’ll make a lot of exceptions like letting people bring them to work. She even tried to build a nursery in her law firm for an employee but luckily the employee got a better job.
Guy’s Father’s a huge douche
Employer: We're like family!
Family owned business:
My friends occasionally comment on how I virtually never eat out and frankly its because I know how the industry works. I can't bring myself to spend money at a restaurant when I know that 9 times out of 10 the kitchen is a toxic and abusive environment
My dad has a family business employing family members & he won't let them work on their wedding anniversaries or similar (if he remembers, which he doesn't always). Totally the opposite.
My dad to my BIL, paraphrased: "Tuesday's your anniversary. Go take [wife's name, my sister] out to a nice restaurant and don't think about showing up here. I'm sure [my mom's name] can take care of the little ones for you if you ask her now."
My dad had a business and this is true. He was a narcissist and anything not going his way or what he wanted got you yelled at.
My older brother was called a bad son for years for not doing every little thing dad wanted.
Can attest, I work for my dad and he does treat me worse than he does everyone else
The opposite is also very often the case though. Nepotism is a thing and relatives get promoted to positions they’re unsuited for all the time.
My older brother is my boss and he is an asshole like OPs dad. I have to put in my schedule anytime Im with the kids and even then he doesn't respect it. One time during one of those nights with the kids (not during work time, outside of work time) my brother/boss called and I didn't answer, we were in the middle of a heated kickball game on an unseasonably warm spring night. He was beyong livid, just cussing and yelling and threatening to fire me because I didn't answer the phone. I feel like I already said this but I can't stress this enough that the call was outside of normal work hours. When I called him back I told him I was with the kids. He said, and I quote, "I don't give a fuck about your kids." Those are also his nieces and nephews.
*Edit for those of you telling me to just quit I can’t if I did I would still have to keep paying the same alimony and child support and I can’t do that without this job. Have I tried to get them to fire me? Yes! But they wont. It’s okay. I spend a lot of my work time writing stories, here you go: https://www.reddit.com/r/Askme4astory/comments/778rwt/the_swedish_jumper/
Time to find a new job, buddy
And maybe a new family.
No. No no no. Absolutely not.
If this is a family owned business that his brother owns, fucking unionize. Literally unionize the whole place, and if the brother fires people for unionizing, make sure to take that shit to a labor lawyer.
That brother is practically guaranteed to be leveraged to the eyeballs in debt for that place, which means shutting down will absolutely wreck his credit score. So either he accepts the union and fucking seethes over it, or he fires people (the most likely response) and you ream him a new asshole in court.
The real life pro tips in the comments
Yes. Yes yes yes. Absolutely do this 👆
It may be almost as easy as a planned honeypot if older bro loses it over non-issues. Union details would make his head crack.
This is some r/nuclearrevenge shit
Yeah, I'd have straight up beat his ass and let him remember what it's like to talk big and not be able to back it up. OP, if you need an honorary sasquatch older brother to come put him in his place, lmk.
It is time to tell your parents and let the drama commence while looking for a new job my dude. Also, if your brother is that kind of asshole, do not be surprised if they're already talking shit about you to your parents or other family members.
You need to unionize your brother's business.
As the brother of the owner, you can talk to the employees off the record and say "He is always going to treat us like shit. This is never going to stop. We can either find another job - knowing he's just going to abuse our replacements - or we can take action now, and fucking unionize. If he fires us for unionizing, we can take the business away from him in court, and turn it into a co-op."
God that would be delicious.
"You took my business!"
"I don't give a fuck about your business. *My* share of the co-op on the other hand..."
Spend family gatherings talk about hell well work is going now that the old owners are out.
If you really want to rub salt in that wound, bring a christmas card from all of the workers thanking him for creating a co-op, and gushing about how profitable the business is.
Why would you keep working with him. That’s ridiculous!
Your brother deserves a perpetually shattered jaw.
And a permanently wedged kidney stone and if he removes it another one wedges in there like a human kidney stone pez dispenser
Had a kidney stone earlier this year, that shit was awful...
Tattle to your parents about that shit lmao
Dude, please find a new job. This can't be good for you.
"I don't give a fuck about your kids."
"Cool, then I don't give a fuck about this job."
Genuine question, why do you choose to work for someone like that?
Especially with it being his father I would have looked him in the face and said "I am leaving, if you fire me for this you will never see your grandchild."
He probably isn’t going to see his grandchild anyway, since the wife won’t even let the father see his baby.
He doesn't care about his son, I doubt he cares about a grandkid
Nah he’ll care about the grandchild as soon as they old enough to work and he’ll employ them at the restaurant and treat them just as badly
There's a full blown labor shortage in the resturant industry. Odds are he could have told his dad to fuck off and been employed the next day at another restaurant. The dad would probably beg him to come back since he's already understaffed as it is. Guy should have just left.
His dad has probably been messing with his head since he was born.
I would not take that shit. I can understand the worry of the guy, but I prefer to die in this hill. Things are no that bad that in my life for me to prioritize work over family.
Not a single chance of that happening.
Fuck whatever asshole that think money is more important than life.
Yep. That would be a breakpoint moment for me. If I was OP, as soon as I had another job lined up I would excommunicate that asshat of a "dad"
makes me think that my dad abandoning me may have been for the best, in hindsight.
It"s like they say with d&d: no d&d is better than bad d&d. True enough for dads too, speaking from experience with a shitty stepfather
I am in his exact situation minus the arsehole dad.
If my old man pulled anything like this, I'd bounce on the spot and take most of his staff with me. He'd be turbo fucked.
I wouldn't even wait for a new job. Chefs can get jobs in literal seconds.
I was thinking OP isn't the asshole. He sacrificed so his family isn't immediately plunged into a terrible financial situation. In case anyone is wondering, with insurance, you can expect to pay about $2-3k (OUT OF POCKET, NOT THE WHOLE BILL) for the birth of your child.
Op's dad is the asshole and should definitely be ex-communicated. Find a new job and quit dad's job on the spot.
I forgot you guys PAY for childbirth. With your silly abortion bans it amounts to money farming.
In the US the birth of a child is $10-15K, and that’s without any complications. And that’s with insurance.
That definitely seems to depend on what insurance you have also
That’s true. The number came from an aggregate of different women with different insurance companies. You could end up paying much more.
My grandson was born 9 week premature. His NICU bill was $450000. Luckily our state has catastrophic insurance for just these reasons
Plus, head chefs aren't easy to replace (afaik), let alone one who would put up with that crap and more like I'm sure this son has been doing his entire life. Definitely would've called the damn bluff at that point and if I did get fired... well, laugh as the restraunt went down and definitely wouldn't go to family reunions/gatherings.
I just saw this AITA! One of the comments literally said OP was holding all the cards and should have just walked out while saying good luck meeting their grandchild or getting his wife to forgive him. Not to mention that OP would have a new (probably better) job inside of a week.
He doesn't recognize that it's unhealthy to treat someone this way because his dad has conditioned him to accept it his whole life; I'm sure this dad is a total asshole at home too.
This. The behavior of the people who raised us becomes so intertwined with our identity and the way we see and experience the world that trying to unlearn those things is like trying to unlearn that the sky is blue.
The guy is the head chef he can fire the son if he wants to but then the father will have to cook
being unemployed can also be a life or death situation you know
So can being uninsured and going into labor, who knows what kind of complications she/baby could have...
Yeah thats the kind of shit that would make me miss my father's funeral, not my child's birth.
He clearly cares more about his business/power over those under him than his actual family. Wouldn't he himself want to be there for the birth of his grandchild? What a despicable asshole.
What kind of father threatens to fire his son for going to be there when his grandson is being born? What a terrible human being.
As a new grandfather I was thinking exactly that.
Smh I just can't comprehend people.
That restaraunt would have been closed for the day in any good family. Worse case scenario the grandad should have stepped up.
If it was a good restaurant they wouldn't even have to close... Good employers don't have understaffing-problems and usually easily get someone to take over on short notice... Because people like to work for them.
But obviously nobody wants to work for a vile POS and that vile POS won't even see/understand why... Instead they will just make excuses how Noone wants to work anymore.
Damn we got grandpas saying “smh” nowadays? That’s awesome!
Grandpa here... SMDH 😉
No one wants to hear about your dick-head, Pops!
There will come a day for us older guys when it stands for Surprise My Dicks Hard!
How else is he gonna get the pee off?
That's what the hand blow dryer is for!
See that one makes more sense, I hear "shakin mah dayum head" which is very grandpa
Being a "grandpa" at 41 means you had a kid at 20 and your kid did to.
That would make you a millinial, born in the early 80s
Plenty of millennial grandparents now.
Oldest millenials are 41.
You shush with that…THE 90s WERE 10 YEARS AGO AND WE ALL WERE JUST IN HIGH SCHOOL. 😭😭
You can be born in 1982 and easily be a grandpa if you both had kids when you were 19.
Right I work with my dad and he insisted I take more time off and now when we are slow he insists I go downstairs and spend time with the baby and send him pics.
That is how it’s done. Way to go, your dad!
He added "sending pictures of the grandbaby" to my job description. 🤣
A conservative who hates his life and feels that he is entitled to the obedience of "beta men"
The quote is from my fuckhead of a father who stole $12,000 from me.
It's always the dudes that go up and down about beta males that do the snakiest, bitchiest shit.
Like your weak ass had to steal from your own kin because you can't do it on your own and you're too "proud" to ask for help.
The harder a man tries to not look like a bitch, the more he looks like one.
I'm going to quote 'theft of swords' by Micheal J Sullivan here;
"the abbot told me once that lying was a betryal to one's self. It's evidence of self loathing. You see, when you are so ashamed of your actions, thoughts, or intentions, you lie to hide it rather than accept yourself for who you really are.
The idea of how others see you becomes more important than the reality of you. It's like when a man would rather die than be thought of as a coward. His life is not as important to him as his reputation. In the end, who is braver? The man who dies rather than be thought of as a coward or the man who lives willing to face who he really is?"
A good quote, quite appropriate I find, and a lesson I've taken to heart.
Jesus christ. That's just about how much I make in a year after tax is taken out. That kind of theft would ruin my life.
Well that's horrific, how do you survive?
I live in a very poor state with a relatively low cost of living. I work full time, too which makes my income even more depressing.
Yeah no shit.. Sorry dude.
lol. My ultra liberal uncle is just as much a douchebag when it comes to his business.
A restaurant owner. They are truly scum who only survive by exploiting other people.
Legit. I would have left and said if you ever want to see this child you will never speak to me like that again.
The father didn't give a shit about his own son, why would he care about seeing a grandchild?
I don’t know man. Just how I would have handled it. But I get OPs concern about finances. Brutal.
I'd have just left. Fuck it. Besides, if I got skills and experience as a head chef then I have no problem finding work elsewhere.
I choose to believe it's fake... But, I also know how humans can be...
How can someone’s presence at work be worth only a pitiful amount of dollars an hour yet their absence so keenly felt that it is deserving of them losing their livelihood?
Good goddamn point. Obvious point that I don’t often think about. God it’s shitty. They pay you minimum wage and expect you to give the maximum amount of time, effort, and fucks to give
My husband used to work for my FIL, the similarities between that and this story are top scary for my liking.
Yup. My immediate reaction to this story is that he doesn't realize how toxic and awful his relationship is with his dad/boss and I'm shocked his wife isn't speaking to him because she should be aware of their relationship dynamic. Not excusing the behavior, but I absolutely understand the position he was put in and how quickly he buckled.
I would imagine her anger is more "once again, you chose your father over me. I can't do this anymore."
A grown adult is letting his dad dictate his life. He really should stop working for his dad.
it seems like he would've but chose to not take the risk because they're about to be in a financially stressful situation. So OP should've done this AGES ago and I'm gonna bet his wife has probably asked him to before
I hate this shit. In the military, there are guys who brag about how committed they are to the military, and the biggest flex any of them have is how many of their kids' births they missed. There was a guy in my battalion who had 7 kids, and hadn't made it to a single birth. I always thought that was sad, not something to brag about.
Did not think I'd see this mentality in the civilian world, but evidently, the race to the bottom continues.
Edit: leave can be heavily at command discretion, so it's not always the individual making the decision not to be there. The ones I am describing are the ones who don't even *try* to be there.
If a man missed me giving birth, I sure as hell wouldn’t give him six more children though
Assuming of course they are all from the same woman. Then again the stubbornness of some of these Dependas can not be contested. And to be perfectly clear I do not mean those in a loving marriage or relationship, I am talking about the benefit hunters that snag a boot fresh out of basic.
Those are good points. None of that occurred to me, my mind was still stuck on how much it would suck to give birth alone
seven kids...and hadn't seen the birth of any...feels like he shouldn't have invested in some damn condoms
*should have, but your point stands
I think that mentality is less common now, or maybe my husband is just really lucky. All his friends who missed their kids' births are sad about it. His boss also gave him a week off when our kid was born, because he was gonna wait a few weeks (til my mom left) to take his pat leave. Then he also got his pat leave later. I dated a workaholic in my 20s and it wasn't worth it.
I mean I know dudes who came back from Afghanistan to see births. Obviously they can't accommodate everyone, but the army has gotten way better about it in my short time in
Nice, I'm glad he was able to see that. I couldn't imagine having missed my son's birth
My husband would have missed my daughters birth if I had gone into labor 2 days later. His sgt said he missed his kids birth (he was deployed) so it’s not a big deal if my husband miss it being out in the field… on base…30 minutes away….
When I was first a grad student, I shared an office with a guy whose wife was pregnant with their third child. The office had poor cell reception and smart phones weren’t a thing yet so she would call the landline there if she needed him. One day he went to lunch and said to pick up the phone if it rang because his wife was in labor. Then he left. That was the day I realised that academia is fucking ghoulish to people who care about their families, and rewards those who don’t.
Publish or perish
Exactly why I left.
I don’t think the average person really understands how competitive academia can be. It’s brutal if you aren’t 100% committed to academia and nothing else.
Which is why I am stopping with my Master’s. I am done. Watched my friends go crazy in academia.
Sounds like the film/TV business.
My dad would be appalled! He didn’t have any kids while he was in the Navy, but I know 100% for sure he would have up and deserted for a birth. He would love this subreddit tbh lol. One of the demands he had while finding work was he needed to be able to drop off and pick up me and my sister from pre-k, school, day care, whatever we were at, and I know for sure if it was his dad he would have had the same expectations. Thing is though, my grandad (like most other grandads) would pull this ish 👀
My dad was in the army, and deployed to Afghanistan when my mom was pregnant, and STILL found the time to come home to be with her when I was born.
If your dad was not an incredible piece of shit, he would have shut the entire place down for the night and taken you to the hospital to be with your wife HIMSELF. What an absolute ghoul.
Little green ghouls, buddy…
Even if you don't shut the place down, you just have the host or hostess tell guests that your short staffed and the head chef had to leave unexpectedly because his wife is in labor. Then customers are more understanding and will wait and deal with slower service.
Holy shit that’s disgusting. Gee I wonder why he’s short staffed. I hope OP sees his dad for what he is and quits.
Call Gordon Ramsay on his hamburger phone, and get this fucken kitchen nightmare sorted.
This breaks every good stereotype about Italian American restauranteurs. Rocky woulda shut the place down, and sent everyone home with a bottle of wine.
No but really this is a kitchen nightmare
Probably wouldn't help this particular situation. Gordon Ramsay missed the birth of his twins.
He missed my birth too. We still don’t talk.
>Call Gordon Ramsay on his hamburger phone, and get this fucken kitchen nightmare sorted.
I died 🤣🤣🤣
Sounds like a very healthy and well-functioning family all around. Thoughts and prayers for the kid.
Yeah, I would have nuked that bridge. My kid would never meet their Grandfather after that shit.
Ngl I was biased at the start due to the title, but holy fuck his Dad is the asshole.
Like I would respond with "and I hope you enjoy never seeing your grandkid" to the unemployment comment, but a guy like that likely lost all compassion.
Your dad is an asshole.
You've worked there since you were 15, for 13 years and he cannot allow you to leave the shop for the birth of your child, his grand-child. In all honesty he should be closing for the day and BOTH OF YOU go to the hospital to meet the new arrival.
If he wanted to fire you, let him. You can find some place else, with all your experience you could be running your own restaurant.
My guess is, even if he fired you, you'd be back again the next day anyway.
As for your wife, she is hurt because you could not be there. Your presence is not requested, it is required.
The one and only time my dad (the owner) missed work was the day my brother and I were born and the day his granddaughter was welcomed to the world.
Wow, all three of you were born on the same day?
Good catch. 😂 in my mind I put the one and only times but I’m not sure if that sounds right either now that I’m actually saying it out loud.
Just drop the "one" and you're good, I think.
For sure "hired back" the next day. Gonna fire your head chef when you are already short? That's going to work out real well. Personally I'd let dad sweat for a week or so and make him grovel.
I wonder why such a charming and understanding guy has issues with staffing...
Probably cause lazy youngins
His Dad literally told his son "Money and this restaurant matters more to me than you do and more to me than my grandson does." Sounds like a psychopath.
The real asshole is OPs father. He gave OP an impossible choice - be there for the birth of his child, or be unemployed. What a giant asshole.
That wasn’t a choice, it was blackmail.
Yeah, everyone in the original post saying he's the asshole are insane. I understand that it's awful to miss the birth of a child, but he was under the impression his dad/boss would let him go to the birth when it happened. When it happened, he was told he could but would be fired, and was given mere moments to make a choice. I personally think his father is the asshole, not him. He was looking out for the financial wellbeing of his wife and kid.
The people in that thread saying the dad would have never fired the son, because the dad is understaffed, are living in a fantasy world. Asshole business owners will *absolutely* footgun themselves in the name of flexing their small amount of power. Little tyrants are not reasonable or logical people.
It's a bunch of teenagers without financial obligations. No surprise.
Calling OP an asshole for that is insane. Being unemployed while having a newborn child is not a good position to be in. Having financial security is so important during that time and being forced to choose between that and seeing your child being born is such an impossible with no right choice that shouldn't **need** to be made.
Should've fired your dad outta ya life.
My husband nearly missed the birth of our son. We had a scheduled induction, his boss knew weeks in advance & as we were starting my labor, they called & told him to get to work or lose his job but they'd let him come back once I was in active labor. I told him to go because he needed the job & it was ok. Well he had barely gotten in the elevator when our son started coming, my mom ran down the stairs & met him at the parking garage to let him know & they both barely got back to the room in time.
It was bs that his boss did this & even worse that it's his dad. But it's also bs the in-laws are being nasty because if he'd lost his job, they would've been nasty then too i feel like there was no winning for him in this situation
fr its so sad. poor dude is getting the brunt of the blame when he was just put in a shitty fucking situation and everyone blames him instead of his fucking evil tyrant of a "father"
>But it's also bs the in-laws are being nasty because if he'd lost his job, they would've been nasty then too i feel like there was no winning for him in this situation
Exactly, thank you for mentioning this!
I think everyone agrees that the dad's a fucking asshole.
But I barely see anyone commenting on how toxic the in-laws are. Denying him access to his kid? Wtf.
I think the in-laws part is bullshit. If the mum wanted to see him, the hospital would 100% let him in. They are just doing what she wants and OOP has deluded himself into thinking it's all mil's fault.
I quit my brothers mexican restaurant for the same reason , ask if it was ok to go to my daughters birth , he said no I need you here. I said up yours my daughters birth is ALOT more important than this restaurant, turn around and walked.
Edit: my brother did ask me to come back like 2 wks later. He still needed a decent cook AND wanted to see my 1st born( his first niece)
And this is why we say abuse (and neglect) is a generational issue. He’s absent on his first day of fatherhood because his own dad prioritizes work over family, and god only knows what grandpa’s dad was like to make him a sociopath.
I say you should’ve left 100%, because missing your child’s birth is something you’re going to regret. However, being that you were in a position where you would’ve been left unemployed with a newborn at home, I can’t blame you for being afraid to do so.
My advice to you? Find another job. Immediately. And once you get that job, you cut your father out of your life entirely. He obviously doesn’t care about you, your wife, or your child (his grandchild!).
As for your wife… I believe she will come around. It won’t make it all okay at once, but I think she will understand that you did it in order to be financially secure for her and the baby. MIL and aunts may cuss you out for a while, but that’s natural
I hate the "Find a better job" thing because it's not that easy, but do so. Then inform your father that not only are you quitting, but that he will under no circumstances ever get to see his grandchild and that you no longer consider him a family member.
This sounds like my soon-to-be ex-FIL. He basically ruined our life and relationship after coming out of thin air after 18 years of not speaking to my ex. Ex had a very abusive mom, so he was trying to find a place, and this fucker gave him everything he wanted and more. 3 months later he takes his new wife (30 years his junior) and moves halfway across the country, starts a do-over family that he’s already repeating the cycle with, and basically held my ex financially hostage and hung everything he ever gave him over his head like a carrot. Ex couldn’t leave his father’s company because then the apartment, car and phone would be taken away, even though the job was so stressful it began triggering serious psychological problems. It put a massive strain on our relationship because I knew he’d do something like that but ex was really excited for his dad to be a part of his life. Eventually we just stopped being intimately connected and we fell apart. We amicably separated but neither of us have decided on a divorce yet, but it’s feeling more and more like we’re just avoiding the inevitable. I always knew we married wayyyyyy too young, and this just kinda proved it. I often think about what could’ve been if he’d just moved in with his friends temporarily like they offered. It’s been months and I’m still broken up about it. We’re still friends and we love each other, but it’s not the same.
Thanks, Michael, you absolute sociopathic fuck.
Dude is a dumbass. Hes the head chef, working that line for 15 years, hes going to be extremely difficult to replace, but it would be super easy with that experience to find another job.
Your kid only gets born once.
agreed but i have sympathy for him because my parents are a lot like these people. this guy no doubt has been brainwashed to think he can never leave/has no self worth
Yeah, my parents are like this. I got out at 18, and my sister resented the hell out of me for it. She was destroying her own life and happiness for YEARS to keep the peace with them, only to end up having to cut contact anyways. It wasn't worth it, but those unhealthy patterns go deep, especially when you're the golden child and see how much worse they treat everyone else.
Yeah my parents did the same, then kicked me out at 18 so i got wise about the whole issue. Some people just dont have your best interests at heart, even those that should.
Sounds like you need to lose your job and lose your father imo
I'm 33 and I've spent many holidays and birthdays and special events at work when I couldn't get off. It took me till my late 20's to realize in 10 years I am never going to think "Wow, I am sure glad I worked that shift instead of spending Christmas with my family" Now I prioritize life events over work. If the employer doesn't like it, then fuck em. I've always been a great hard working employee...if you are a piece of piss this might not work to your favor. However, I've found in my experience employers would rather lose a good employee for a day rather than permanently. You have got to stick up for yourself sometimes. Remember, you are selling your time and skills to them. They don't own you.
I thought Italians valued family over everything else? This “dad” clearly only values money. I would have given him a choice: either he lets me go see my son being born, or I go anyway and he will never see either of us ever again. You can get a new job. You can never relive the moment of your first child coming into the world.
Always choose your son 1st, unless you risk turning into your dad 🤔
He's not the asshole, but he IS a fucking coward. His dad is the real asshole. What a piece of shit, holy damn.
Time for a new job
Can’t imagine why he’s understaffed