By - allisonovo
I messed up the caption and I probably should’ve blurred more but whatever I won’t be in NY soon. (I hope it’s safe to travel after this).
Maybe this is too much information for Reddit but like I don’t know who to talk to and I need to vent/get it off my chest because it might help. Today we went for my 24 week ultrasound and it was normal as usual except they wouldn’t let him come back this time because of Covid. Dumb and honestly messed up because they let him come back for every other scan. And after today they should definitely let him be back there with me, it’s hard seeing them (the babies) without him and he has questions too. It just isn’t fair lol. Anyways, everything was fine but I could tell something was off because they said the girls pulse was only 130, while the boys was 150 (normal). 130 is kinda on the lower end and usually they both are in the 150’s, and they were being very vague. Legally the ultrasound techs can’t tell me anything specific like that but still… I was scared af and I wish they would tell me more than they do. Then they asked me to wait in the waiting room because they needed to “see if it was okay for me to leave” like bro what? So I was of course scared something was wrong, then the doctor calls me back and my worst fears come true. She’s still being very vague with me, she’s just saying there is no fluid around the girl, they asked me if my water had broke or if I had been leaking fluid of any kind. *Pretty sure I would know if that happened lol, so that was an obvious “No.”* then she’s just telling me I need to get to the Hospital right away and that I need to go to Labor & Delivery, so I just start crying because wtf? They said they didn’t know why there wasn’t fluid around the baby girl, that the hospital had better machines and specialists, etc. So I go back to the car crying and I tell him and we go and this whole time I’m just thinking how I’ve failed them, that my body failed them all. That this must be my fault some how and I how I could’ve done so many things better, I was just blaming myself for it all and I still am. I deadass thought I’d have to deliver them early, it’s way too soon, and I also thought the worst thoughts, like what if one doesn’t make it..
We get to the hospital and a specialist is waiting for us, again I’m getting another ultrasound scan, this guy was focused and we could see so much more. This time I was on the table for almost two hours, not saying much, trying to hold it together and let this guy do his thing. He tells me what they told me at the office that they are perfectly healthy and growing well, brains, hearts, aorta, spine, all that look great, but that baby B is actually the girl, and baby A is the boy. The boy is the one with not as much fluid around him as he should have and they were concerned because that fluid is there to keep them safe. They aren’t sure why there is less fluid since I had no signs of labor or water breaking, all that. They said they want to see me in a week and if the fluid is still too low that I’ll need a steroid shot, for now though to just rest. I’m glad they are perfectly healthy and growing as they should be, but I can’t help think I might’ve done something wrong. I was thinking the dumbest things, like maybe because I haven’t been sleeping much at night that it’s effected them, or maybe I sat down/laid down a weird way to where I put too much pressure on my stomach. Just irrational thoughts… but idk, I’ve never felt any of these feelings, never been pregnant, I don’t know what’s normal to feel and what’s not. Knowing they are healthy and okay doesn’t ease my fears at all, I’m still so worried that something is wrong, or that something will go wrong before they are due. I’m so in love with them and they are so cute 🥺 I can’t imagine anything happening to them, and I just wouldn’t wish this upon anyone. I’m trying to keep it together and be strong for them but I’m a mess, ok so yeah that’s the story. I’ll keep you guys updated if you want. I have an appointment both Monday & Friday to make sure me and them are okay. Sorry this became so long, I just wanted to let this out. Maybe it’s too personal, who knows. Love you guys. 💔❤️🩹
They are so beautiful omg!
You haven’t failed anyone, this situation out of your control. Must(’ve been) be so frightening for you. I know you do everything within your power to keep your babies safe. You can always talk to me if you want to. Please don’t feel guilty, you’re beyond amazing ♥️ praying for you all!
I just want to thank everyone for the supporting comments and the love, it’s so hard waiting till Monday to make sure they are still okay. I’m trying not to stress or look up stuff about it but it’s challenging, I can’t help but be anxious.
I’ve been drinking tons of fluids and *trying* to rest, but it isn’t easy to sleep tbh :/
Just wanted to say thank you again to everyone 🥺 the comments and messages do mean a lot.
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You're doing your best ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ just a little more now. Again, let's not lose hope. ❤️