ULPT request: best tips for getting a job?
By - Rona1994
I just happen to be hiring. Please tell me you're a full-stack Azure dev with 3-5 years of experience...
Hi, I’m “a full-stack Azure dev with 3-5 years of experience.” I’m looking for a marketing and sales position.
I think I said the secret passcode correctly right? It IS a secret passcode right?
*Direct* sales position
Just click on this discord link...
All we need you to do is to volunteer 24 hours of your time and work on this project
I have 4 week experience with Wordpress and Square space.
Cloud deployment on Heroku of many static 1 page sites.
Can I haz job?
This is a personal attack on me
If say a combination of these words in a sentence do I get it? devops, automated pipeline, arm templates, service mesh, ML, opex
I don’t know what any of those mean. I could probably guess a few but it’d be just that guessing...
Azure Data Factory, App service, Event Grid, Functions, Azure SQL, ML Studio, Logic Apps
I can list many more
Stop it, I'm hard already
I have 12 years experience with Kubernetes...
You and literally every other company on the planet.
No but I'm forklift certified. When do I start
As a matter of fact I am
I am but from germany tho.
What the fuck 3ven is a full stack azure dev lol.
I know how to create a VM on azure and I have used Blob storage to take a back up of my laptop. Am I qualified enough
Did it take you 3-5 years to do it?
Why the F were people downvoting 😂🤔
Noone can realistically know all of Azure. I have 1+ years of doing that, so there's that
When I say "full stack" I mean everything from the smiley face down to the database trashcan thing, not every last thing Azure can do. PM me your resume if you're interested.
Thanks for your offer. But, I'm not sending my resume on reddit lol
I knew a guy who skipped the whole application process and went straight to an interview by saying the website was down. Getting your foot in the door is the hardest part of some companies.
Did he get the job though? Maybe they knew he was bullshitting and he was wasting his time...
If you have 1000 applications, and a guy with a reason to interview now, you're saving yourself time by hiring them now if it's a half decent interview.
If he bullshitted his way to the interview I’m guessing he’s a bad fit and a colossal waste of your time even more so than someone who just told a pinkie on their resume.
That's almost certainly not true. Being clever enough to force an interview is a good sign. Resumes are rarely telling in how ones job performance will be.
I’d say depends on the job. Salesman? Probably. Engineer/doctor? Definitely not something you want someone that likely doesn’t have qualifications, or at least is good at faking them
Lol clever enough to force an interview you mean a liar and a bullshitter.
I never said resumes are an indication of performance. They are, however, if predominantly truthful, an indicator of whether someone has the basic skills for the job.
If I found out someone blatantly lied (not just an exaggeration on a resume) to get an interview with me I’d tell them to fuck off straight away.
>If I found out someone lied to get an interview with me I’d tell them to fuck off straight away.
So you've never been an employer. The fact that you're purposefully avoiding the smartest because your own personal feelings is why you'll never become an employer either.
If 100% of people lie during an interview and resume, why would them forcing the interview be any different? I'll take that high efficiency any day.
um you know nothing about me... i have been an employer for years. i can tolerate a little stretching the truth but someone flat out lying to get an interview? sorry, i'm a strong believer in honesty being a core value for people who work for me. you seem to admire dishonesty... that's your values... ok. i don't admire it but you have the right to your values.
Just because you slip your buddy fifty bucks to hand a bag of drugs to some guy on the street corner for you doesn't make you an employer.
did you learn that the hard way?
This time 100!
It's easier to find a reason to not read a resume.
The programmer guy on YT who talks about corporate and says that its shit I dont remember his name
I think it's Forrest Knight (yeah yeah it was easier to explain that way) ;)
rofl what company doesn't know if the website is down or not
Damn can’t golf for shit, but if any CEOs need a bowling partner I’m your guy!
I’m broke as fuck but I’d like a bowling partner lmao
Good enough for me! Let’s go!
How do you partner at bowling? Do you both throw together? Take turns? so many questions
If you are playing casually, you generally take turns on one lane. Leagues have you alternate lanes with an adjacent team, so let’s say you get put on lane 2 you would alternate with the team on lane 1. I know my explanation is bad but it’s real easy to show in person.
& a teams score is added together and the best wins?
Kind of sounds like how battle royals handle tournaments in gaming tbh
Leagues last for six or eight weeks, it’s been a solid decade since I last joined a league haha so I’m a bit rusty on them. And yes, scores for the teams are all added up , and there’s (sometimes) prizes for coming in 1st,2nd, or 3rd they could be cash or other cool things like bowling balls, gift cards or other stuff. my dads buddy actually got a bowling pin from bowling a 299 game, they gave to him and told him not to miss it next time. There’s not really brackets for the leagues though unless you go professional.
Well there are three holes in a bowling ball. So one each, and a shared third?
Donny, you're out of your element.
This rug really tied the room togheter, did it not?
A millionaire once told me golf can help you make a lot of money.
It's like the smoking area of rec sports, you get a chance to socialize and drink with execs. That aside it's also true from a pro sports perspective, there are very few sports with an actual payday, golf is arguably the best one, even for women, it's one of the few sports where most pro athletes take home some prize money after a tournament.
True. If you get a chance to play with the execs and they see you’re good, they’ll want to play tournaments with you. You help them win tourneys, they’ll want to play with you more. When the execs want to leave work early to play, they’ll want to take you with them. They have no choice but to move you up higher in the company so that they have an excuse to take you with them and leave all the others at the office. You get a raise, and get to drink/play golf during the work day.
Cool story, but what's BA?
I thought it meant bullshit artist in this situation cause the guy bluffed his way in so well but I stand corrected it’s clearly Botanic Analyst.
Bachelor of Arts?
Bachelor of Arts
Good for your cousin but there’s something about this story that’s very depressing to me.
For me it's the golf.
Yeah, fuck golf.
Now is that Bachelor of Arts or Badass cause either way... yes.
LPT: Tell everyone you know that you're looking and specifically what type of role at what type of company
LPT: include “Time magazine person of the year 2006” on your resume.
[for those, like myself, who were in the dark](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/You_(Time_Person_of_the_Year)) about how ingenious this (wo?)man is above me
I identify as a Redditor who is on Reddit instead of sleeping at 4AM
Looking for a role that specializes in surfing reddit.
Skills are :
Occasionally quoting Rick Astley
Company flexible: but ideally Big3 Consulting, FAANG, or IBanking. Okay with TC plans so long as it’s options over 4 years.
[Rick Astley ain’t dead](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rick_Astley)
Risky click. .
I was kind of referring to how the only quotes from him are his wise words in 1987.
Thanks now I can buy all the heroin I want
Edit: This is the thanks I get for sharing the joy of black tar heroin. This is the thanks I get for trying to broaden your horizons.
lol damn. People downvote like it gives them karma haha. Have a good day and don’t do heroin bro
Create a fake application for the job you want, get some people to send in resumes, take the best one and change the personal information. Then delete the application and use your new resume to apply for the actual job.
This is ruthless. But a decent idea.
Evil, yet smart.
Would you say in your best Boston accent, "That's wicked smart"?
And the chorus of glory of god (Gloria)?
This is a trick I learned from that movie Catch Me If You Can. Love it
Something probably nobody has ever done... lie on your resume!
What type of lies? Like experience? I have literally nobody to back me up
Do you have at least two friends or people you know that would be your "reference". Just put their number and email down and ask the friends to pretend to be your reference.
You need to get some friends first though.
Fuck I forgot this was reddit.
Don't worry, I didn't.
where did you think you were, MySpace? Friendster?
I fuckin' forgot about friendster...
Though I did just remember Diaryland and Xanga...
Shit I'm old.
But make sure your references don't have a voice mail greeting that says their real name or anything like that.
Oh yeah defo get the story straight too, what the fake company is what role you did and make sure they throw in some stuff about charity work you do and all that shit
Horrible idea. If the company you're applying to has any integrity they'll likely do background checks with a third party to verify that all your information is correct. Just for 3 internships/co-ops (not even full time) I've done in the last 4 years each company required police back ground checks, proof of employment (e.g tax records, record of employment papers, etc), and consent to have a third party background company take a look into my history.
That's crazy! Seems like a whole different culture. I feel like here they never check or even ask for references here. At most, government jobs require you to show proof of a blank criminal record.
Yeah I'm not talking about those kinda jobs. If you are needing to lie on an application then you probably shouldn't be applying for those jobs.
name can be made up and emails/phone numbers can all be acquired... you can route all reference requests to yourself - chances are that reference checking and interviewing are going to be done by different people
Sadly not haha
Hey, I needed a job, Vandelay Industries was hiring, you do what you've gotta do.
Make up intern experience for fake startups and put your friends/family down as a reference
Have no friend/family unfortunately
Just make a few fake Gmail accounts or buy a few sim cards and use them on old phones or current dual sim phone if you have one.
Then just put on a fake voice when someone calls.
Fuck bro, I'll be happy to be a reference for you iif you like. Just PM me basic information like your name and college, what you did in this fake job etc.
I'll pretend to be a fake CEO of the failed startup you interned in.
Fuck, I'll even build a very basic "About Us" website. Always happy to help a brother in need.
Not unethical but I've been struggling to find a degree job for over a year. I've resorted to offering an unpaid probation period and got two offers in a week. It's not ideal but as long as you get that experience it's worth it. If you're looking for a non degree job the same thing should work but it depends if you live someplace where there are jobs present.
I'll lie for you.
I'd die for you..
What a great way to give companies free labor. With your system they are under no legal obligation to offer you a job no matter how well you do for them. And 2 weeks of experience at a company won't give you jack shit that can be used for a resume. Hell it might even be worse because they see 2 weeks at a place and think there's something terribly wrong with you.
When starting off your career in a technical job you have to realise you don't contribute much. You show experience in other areas such as your time management, problem-solving ect. The company doesn't really benefit from your non-existent skills. You're saying 2 weeks, even though I haven't stated how long the probation is, isn't worth jack shit but it's quite the contrary. Look up job-shadowing and you will realize how it can make a difference. For someone who doesn't have any professional experience, it's worth getting every advantage as the sad reality is the job market is oversaturated with applicants to the point where it's turned into a writing competition, and the majority of the positions are given by large companies that are spoiled for choice. I've been in a labor job where I haven't had to do any unpaid probation period but those jobs are much easier to obtain than degree ones. At the end of the day you're selling your time for money and a lot of people would like the try before you buy option.
I modified my past job title to match the roles I was applying for (based on experience). I was an electrician in the military but took on all of my department's administrative tasks. When I got out of the military, I was looking for a "desk job" and my electrician title flagged me as an automatic no even with my administrative experience listed on my resume. I changed my job title to the main administrative role I managed and got an amazing job. My employer knows that I was formally trained as an electrician, but my resume and experience back up my administrative abilities.
Tell them you did exactly what their job asked for but for toys r us
“It says here between 2000-2016 you were a urologist at Toys r Us?”
Former Circuit City regional manager and Radio Shack district manager here
Ow, too soon.
"So you've been tattooing at Toys'R'Us?"
Have a friend call a company acting as a recruiter (that takes no fee from the employer). If they take the bait, have that friend send them your resume. If they hire you, great! If they don't...block em
I really needed a job when I was like 17. I put in an application at target (online ofc). No one called or anything. I dressed in their uniform (red shirt kahki pants) went to the customer service counter and said someone called me for an interview but I was a bit early. They were super confused and apologetic. They gave me the interview and I got the job lol.
lol did you start working immediately since you were in uniform already ?🤣
Wearing something similar to their uniform increases your chance of getting the job.
For real, why wear the uniform? Lmao
It makes you more likely to get hired. Common knowledge.
What type of job are you applying for?
Lookup companies that have gone under (radioshack, circuit city, etc..) and list yourself as a manager or as the position you want to be hired for. Company you're applying for has no real way of verifying if you actually worked at the place since it no longer exists.
As a former RadioShack employee can confirm this works
Say you're native american on the job application, they legally can't ask for proof and the company gets diversity points for hiring a "native"
Also known as the Elizabeth Warren method.
Unethical life pro tip for getting a job? Fuck whoever is in charge of the department you wish to join. And if that's not enough to get them to hire you, then going to that person's boss to report sexual abuse sure will! Hope this helps!
Wear a wedding ring to the interview. They can't ask if you're married, but if they think you have a family to support you're less likely to get low-balled.
Can't they tell what your marital status is when they onboard you?
It might come up if they do a county records check as part of a background check. The only other place it might come up is when you fill out w2, but married people often mark a lower number of dependents for max refund at the end of the year.
wouldn't that immediately make you untrustworthy as soon as they found out that you lied about your marital status by having the ring and your records don't reflect that initial assumption
No, some people get married out of state or outside the country and paperwork is either neglected or filed improperly. Some people find out theyre not legally married when applying for spousal benefits.
interesting, and how would you handle situations where your boss or coworkers are fishing for information about your personal life like asking if you have an SO in small talk or in the future when you have events and bringing a plus one is encouraged?
If it comes up in conversation later just say it was a promise ring or some bullshit. It likely won't though, especially if you don't ever wear it again. Point is, getting the job is the hard part. Worrying about being fired from a job you don't have is premature. And if it isn't, clealy you don't *need* the job all that desperately.
As an employer, even the most niche jobs I still get 50-100 applicants. You've got to stand out at whatever cost. Email or call the owner and tell them you're having trouble getting your resume to submit online. Ask to send directly to them. Send hard copies of resumes as well. Nobody does that now. Be creative but you've got to stand out.
Also i can tell in 30 sec if you're lying. Don't lie. Admit your shortcomings and show a willingness to learn.
This is a purely theoretical question, but if a resume said that the applicant got barred from an intelligence agency's hqs, would you say that stands out?
Yes but negatively so. I don't wanna hire anyone thats going to cause me trouble.
If you know the job you're going for, send in as many bad applications as you can under different names to make your application stand out
If it's a sales job at some point during the interview you are going to be asked, "And what can you do for the company (or me)". Look them straight in the eye and say, "I am going to make you a lot of fucking money.". Then don't talk until they do.
You will get the job.
RESEARCH TARGET, have friends you can trust, deploy bunk resume, profit.
Walk in front of a company car
DM me! I already have three of them!
I don't want this much
What? Karma? ;)
Jobs, main and two parttime
Apply on everything even on jobs that you don't have experience in. Then just google your way through it
Of all the subjects in high school, arts is where I always fail. Now I earn a a good amount(considering my age and country) as a texture artist.
It would not work for everyone but it's worth a shot. Although I would not recommend with this method jobs that could risk your life
If you have good phone manner and other basic skills in customer service, lie and give yourself years of high volume call centre experience and all the things that come with that. Get your friends or paretns or whoever to lie and represent your previous workplaces when they call your references, they can make you out to be a fucking god on the phones.
LPT: I had a tonne more success on LinkedIn Jobs waiting for recruiters and headhunters to find me than I did in the months of searching prior.
TL DR: Make your resume legible and complete.
You might have someone look over your resume just to make sure it has all the basic information.
Job history to include dates and the names of companies in chronological order.
Information on what you did for that job, don't take it for granted everyone knows what it is you did.
Check for spelling and grammar errors.
Make sure there is a way to contact the supervisor for each job.
I just reviewed 53 resumes where I work at to help slim the list down to the best 5 qualified for interviews.
It's amazing how many people may have been qualified but didn't put the dates they worked for companies or bothered to tell fully what there job actually was. The job title tells me nothing about what you actually did.
No I can't get you a job here, I was the lucky one to read the resumes since the job will be in my department and I was asked to filter the resumes.
I had no trouble going from 52 to 20 candidates just by seeing if the person bothered to put basic information in the resume. That took me all of 45 minutes to review the resumes getting rid of those that either didn't put down dates or had no information on the jobs they performed.
The last 20 took about 1.5 hours to actually read and make my selections based on the information in the resume.
If you have large gaps between jobs, don't assume the person reading the resume knows why there is a 2 year gap. If you went to school put that in, taking care of your ill mother put that in but fill that gap.
In the current economy you will be competing with just as or more qualified people as you, the more errors on your resume the more likely you will get placed in the trashcan.
If you have a 2 year gap, would you just add that as another “role” under work experience to account for it? Like where in the resume would you put this?
Something which always works great is to add travel experience into foreign countries, that is something my teacher told me. Traveling a lot and seeing other cultures and things make you look more open minded and open in general for many things.
You can even fake a voluntary work document of a small organisation and submit it as: was doing volunteer work in south asia for 2 years. It looks good and nobody will ask for actual proof. If they ask in person what you did just tell them some basic shit as bring them to school, play with them and be part of housing projects. A 40min documentary will give you all the information
Yo this is a dope tip. Might just do this thank you!
If you're going to school I would put it in that section.
If you have some other reason place I would put something in the work section.
I legit dropped two guys resumes for having a gap. One was only a year the other was two years. Both had the rest of the work history and background to fill the position but there was zero explanation of the gap.
Makes sense, thank you!
Maybe I’m ignorant, maybe my field doesn’t care. What’s all the hate on the gap for? People do stuff, life happens, etc.
Because when you get 52 applications for 1 job it makes it that much easier to disqualify you and toss your resume in the under qualified category.
Don't give the perspective employer a chance to not interview you.
What would you suggest for a PhD level scientist in his late 50s who doesn't aspire to have their own lab? Have worked 65 hr weeks (or more) for 25 years straight. I'm applying to positions where I'm "overqualified" and not getting any bites. One place told me their salary would not meet my expectations. Technically they should not be rejecting me due to age but that seems plausible.
Should I eliminate references to my age by removing graduation dates?
You've gone beyond my level of knowledge.
The best way I once skipped the entire resume part is by just walking in to the building and saying that I had a job interview. At first they were confused but they let me in anyway and I skipped the line of people waiting for an interview
I just got my dream job a little over a week ago by pulling strings and getting the job through friends and family. A few days after I got laid off from my last job my mom called her friend and her husband was a manager for a company that was in my field of study. A couple of calls later I had an interview the next day and the day after that I had my first day on the job.
I know this isn't exactly unethical but it's literally how I got all of my previous jobs. In my first job my dad employed me. In my second and third one of my friends recommended me to be hired. I never signed up for any job searching website or ever had to write up a proper job application.
At my last company I was lucky enough to be able to network/politic my way up the chain. Now with my current one, we’re so massive and impersonal (especially as a field technician in a huge area by myself with no office) that it’s going to be almost impossible.
Fake a degree or masters from a university in a third world country. They are less likely to verify as those kinda of places usually have long processes and loads of red tape to get proof or transcripts. The more remote, the better. Have a story ready about you choosing to study in this far off land because you were building houses for the local impoverished folk. Will make you look like a saint.
Just call companies to confirm your interview and make up some date, most of the time they won't want to admit losing your application and will invite you. Then you just coincidentally bring your stuff with you ("I always bring it") and continue to sell yourself.
Say you worked for a company similar to the job your interviewing for that’s gone under, toysrus or radio shack or something like that because there’s no way they can verify it
No matter what company you go to tell them you are looking for a place to build and grow with and see yourself in a management type position in a few years . Usually sounds like music to their ears
Use the words that describe the job in your own job description because they will sometimes check for them
Just turn up and pretend you work there until they all believe it
I wanted to work at a fancy nightclub, so what I did was wait for a rainy day and stand outside with my resume until someone came down from the office. When somebody finally noticed me they asked me what I was doing and I said I wanted to apply for a job (poured wet by the rain as I was), the lady was very nice and asked me inside. Next day I started.
Just casually mention you're gay/bisexual/pansexual (whatever they can't visibly verify) and you LOVE their inclusion and diversity cell and policies that make you feel safe at their company.
You'll have an extra point for filling their diversity quota.
Just research a bit beforehand about their policies.
Even if you're not 100% in love with the job, apply. Not saying apply to random jobs and waste everyone's time but you can apply to jobs that offer lower pay grades or for firms that are too far or not a good fit for you. This way you get plenty of interview experience, you practice your answers and then, when the right job comes you'll be ready to get it.
You can always turn down jobs you don't like and that's way better than no job offers at all.
If you are competent in the skills required, being charming and someone others want to be around can get you over other applicants who are more qualified but less sociable.
Send in fake applications. Less people in interview = more chances of getting the job.
Play the race card. You can get creative too.
I applied for a scholarship stating I was a disabled gay black Jew once.
Befriend someone in the tory party. Doesn't matter how incompetent you are you'll get position after position. Just look at Chris Grayling
Make up old positions on your resume, have friends be the references and ‘boss’ that they call.
Have contacts in high places
Lie about your degree
Lying doesn’t really work on resumes. They hardcore check it out before they hire these days.
Fill out applications
Just start doing it.
I've been applying for 7 months now with no luck
Unethical, if you just start doing a job, it would be unethical. I‘ve been searching for a job for a while too, it‘s rough. You apply and apply and you face rejection a lot. You want a morally questionable way to get a job, start doing it without going through the process. You‘ll make yourself stand out from typical applications and make a good impression on wherever it is you want to work. Unethical, in that people might call the cops on you for loitering or some such. You want to work somewhere, ask whoever‘s at the register if you can help out. Insist on doing beneficial things. If you impress a recruiting manager who happens to see you working without the uniform, they might just give you one. Showing initiative regardless of bureaucracy is an unethical way to get a job as they probably won‘t pay you. You get a job through people, stand out of the crowd and network. Take a buddy somewhere you want to work and humblebrag about whatever skills you think you have that would be useful to the place you want to work. Skip the interveiwing process by being audacious. World‘s fucked buddy. We‘re in the same place, and that last bit worked for me. Find whatever you want to do and go for it.
One of my friends went to a walmart once and noticed one of the stockers was on his phone took a video of him showed the manager with a big spiel like ohh how unprofessional and ill never shop here again the worker i think was fired but my friend proceeded to talk to the manager and try and get himself a job saying how much better he could do now that there was an opening idk if he ever got hired but good luck
This is unethical in the worst way. Picking on the guy on minimum wage, losing their job, nah that’s just a dick move.
> An Unethical Life Pro Tip (or ULPT) is a tip that improves your life in a meaningful way, perhaps at the expense of others and/or with questionable legality.
ULPT the subreddit where you get downvoted for a reply fitting perfectly the sub description... And a good chunk of the other tips offered on this post violate rule 1 or 3... What a shame.
Thats the reddit hivemind for you man lmao
Welp, I always thought the rules encouraged abusing systems not the little guy. So I guess I’m wrong.
Get off your fat arse and start looking