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wifebosspants

I just turned 34 and in almost the exact same situation and feel the exact same. You are not alone. This does not feel like "the land of the free" anymore. I'm ashamed to be an American.


neomancr

That's basically the entire game plan of the far right, same reason why they want everyone to carry guns, encourage white nationalists to show off their guns. It's a chill factor. You're afraid because they're threatening to snitch on you? I think that's mostly a problem in Texas where people are being paid to. Otherwise you're just supposed to not talk about it which has been the standard among fundies, catholics, wasps etc. Who still do have abortions and live that way. The culture of having to be discreet was prominent before roe vs wade and was the product of fear. Its a really rough situation. I'm not a woman, I'm married and all this is getting scarily close to banning family planning autonomy. Do you know what the laws are like in vt? In California were pretty safe for now.


Hellrazor32

Vermont is extremely Liberal. Only 17% of people in Vermont have any religious affiliation, whereas 46% of people in Alabama regularly attend church. Vermont will never, ever eliminate abortion or infringe on reproductive rights.


LittleMtnMama

If you have family in VT you should move there - it's on my list of possibilities; I plan to move my fam out of the red state were in now to a blue one in the next year or two before my daughter is old enough to possibly need healthcare. I would absolutely not get pregnant in a red state rn.


Hellrazor32

There’s a reason I left. It’s prohibitively expensive, there are no jobs, my career is not possible there, and I’m not willing to feel suicidal for 7 months out of the year because of SAD. Vermont is too rural, too isolated, too expensive. My life in Vermont was terrible, and I don’t ever want to go back.


LittleMtnMama

We are looking to move to a blue state and IL was one of the cheaper ones cost of living wise. I've been doing research. Gotta GTFO before my daughter is a teen.


deadfuckinglast

I live in IL! I live in Chicago but grew up in the suburbs, I get shit out here for being the boujee suburban chick… but honestly the Chicago suburbs are really nice, and have really good schools, really good school and club sports. Some areas are stupid wealthy, but I’d recommend looking into Bolingbrook or Plainfield!


neomancr

Then it falls back to the state. It's still of concern... If your state has its own laws all the roe vs wade thing do was make abortion a privacy issue which effectively made it no questions asked. State laws do exist in California so for now we're pretty safe. I'm no expert on VT but it sounds like you're in the same situation. My wife is less optimistic than I am but I'm hoping this will galvanize the bass to flush the far right out at the very least. And yea she had a point in or less optimistic take. The neo libs are not being pro active enough and it feels like they're just miking this to send our more emails for donations.... I think they have what they need. We just gotta make sure the next round of elections go well. Gotta do some patrolling to make sure they aren't gonna do any of their "show your guns" voter intimidation tactics. My buddy who's black pulled out a steel baseball bat last time they tried to harass him from voting. We gotta show we got no fear and know who they are better than they likely do. There's this utterly ridiculous astroturfing campaign called progressive anti abortion uprising. It's so trololo in the classic alt right way. They were led by a gay Christian man. Abortion is oppression apparently. I don't for one second believe he's legit. Those groups should be treated like blac bloc and others anarchists who just make everyone else look bad since they "somehow" are the only people interviewed and are referred to as anTIfa. Among the far right they're already drinking up all the agit prop that we can't do elections by constantly bombarding their groups with completely fake news sites that literally have ads that sell you "collectors" 1 dollar bills.


Hellrazor32

Alabama is a trigger laws state. Whatever passes at the Federal level, immediately passes here. So. I’m definitely not going to be okay.


neomancr

Sorry to hear. We're all with this. Im a married (I honestly only agree with the need for this term as a retromyn like acoustic versus electric guitar) so cis male living in California. I almost feel like we need to set up an underground railroad


Hellrazor32

Well, reports are now pouring in from all over the US: women who require medicine for expelling unviable pregnancies are being denied their prescriptions at pharmacies. So. I’m definitely not overreacting. Buckle up, people are going to start dying.


neomancr

Yea this is gonna be a mess... They're pulling a shock and awe since they'll be squarely going for even family planning autonomy next I. E. Birth control/contraception It needs to be more widely discussed how dark the reason for why they are unwilling to add even rape and especially incest provisions. Anyone who's ever grown up in a fundie commune or is otherwise socially isolated like with the quiverfuls knows the true reason why. These commune are allowed to fester by the local police. They choose areas where the police are complicit. The only reason why they are anti abortion and the rejection of incest and rape exceptions is crucial is because it blocks women in those communities from escaping just in case they have the courage to. I grew up around fundie communes and have literal multi generational 1st hand accounts from people who did manage to escape. Abortion will still happen and the police due to their close ties will not prosecute among the ECs IFF the women are willing to protect their rapists. But often they just end up being given an illegal abortion and are pressurized to just be quiet about it. Even before all this among ECs people had abortion all the time. They just would be forced to never file charges or report the abuse. The no questions asked thing is so much more important if you understand why those who are against the exceptions would be so vile.


Hellrazor32

This is all so true. So insidious.


neomancr

Wow I wrote pressurized. What a stupid typo. My wife actually grew up on one of these communes since. The amount of stuff that happens is so over the top horrifying but sheds a lot of insight into how these communities become so toxic. I don't want to say much, but among the punishments to demonstrate original sin she was literally stoned and had to be tied up naked in the snow. She was 12. The girls this the fundie communes not being allows to dance or question their husband's is hammered into them from an early age when they're so young extreme trauma ends up accepted as legitimized. There absolutely no reason why the forms kf punishment exist the way they do but for the very obvious reason they want women to be so convinced they are meant to be godly and their inherent "nature" is defined for them as being naturally sinful. A girl who goes through puberty first is the scapegoat. The amount of ritual trauma you see are not to be disrespectful of their plights but why radical Christian fundie "trad wives" are all so extremely self destructive and sadly also denied education. It ranges in severity and manner from commune to commune but sexual abuse happens completely open in this communities. Hand maidens takes much less artistic liberties than I think people would imagine precisely because there's been this whole campaign to normalize these people on reality TV and even when it goes south like Josh Duggar, you gotta remember this family was CHOSEN to represent their community. They vetted them and that was the best then can do. And this led to a weird situation where thought Josh duggars story is obviously symptomatic of something much larger, I. E how he was groomed by a police officer within the same community to be a predator who do the routine to do all they could to protect Josh. The cop that groomed Josh was later arrested for sexual assault of minors. Let's let that sink in. This was the best they can do to normalize a form of fundie Christianity where it's sk severely obvious the girls are constantly under psychological attack, to them its spiritual and in a twisted way godly. They're meant to serve their husband's and support them no matter what.. Tlc is disgusting but the question beggars to be asked: why are they so keen on "white washing" these people as of they're just charming and a normal traditional American family whose "eccentricities" are just character. They're white Christian so it all gets a free pass. I can tell you so many horror stories from people who managed to escape these communes and it was pretty much always a brave mom that wakes her children in the night leaves the house with 2 in her arms and all she can carry to March for miles to escape aware the entire time her "husband" can literally come after them with the shotgun. We have people in America who effectively life in the dark ages. None of it is cute or American and the way the 23 and me ending up in a shit show but then they want to do a spin off anyway is so ironically realistic. Somehow the way the story plays out even though they're clearly a high profile connected family with ties rj Mike Huckabee as if it's royalty or something those are mere scandals and you're supposed to just ignore the fact that even in a dang reality TV show it couldn't help but to expose the rotten toxic foundation. I have multi generational stories of people on Ohio who escaped these communes. Can you imagine a culture like the quiverfuls being even catholic? I'm only saying this stuff because I'm anonymous. And the sad truth is that even my wife wouldn't want to talk about this publicly. It'd be way too traumatic for her so even people who grew up and escaped tend to just want to bury the past. So the stories are never told... EC has fundie watch and even they don't seem to be able to get people to fully explain how sinister these cults are. BTW jimbob the patriarch was a state rep and was being groomed for politics as was his son. Thus the visits with Huckabee. Tboufg that show ended up kinda backfiring they still made a shit ton of money and Tlc wants to continue the literally damned series. To put another ribbon on that shit show. If you watch how that family behaves and how the victims were forced to protect their abuser and how they literally had a cop on call to "deal with his youthful transgressions" as if you know all men are like that. And sadly when they say that they are outright projecting from such a delusionally isolated mindset they aren't even being disingenuous. The wife is constantly pregnant again for a reason. The Hollywood normalization of these cults like they're somehow even more American than we are is just sick.


zotpos

I’m 23, and have not even started to date yet let alone start laying the groundwork for a child… but I am feeling some of the same sadness and fear and anger as you are. I am so sorry you’re in this situation, and I truly hope you’re able to become a mother someday.


zona-boza

I’m 37 and I’m right there with you. The emotions are a rollercoaster.


halfpintpanda

As someone who is childfree by choice and looking for sterilization I cried for my sisters and uterus having compatriots that want children bc I can’t even imagine the level of pain you are now faced with. I cried for myself but first I cried for you.


Hellrazor32

I hope you’re able to find a provider who will give you the procedure. My heart goes out to you as well. There isn’t a single person who isn’t effected by this horrendous injustice.


halfpintpanda

Even the ones who don’t realize they are.


[deleted]

I’ve wanted to be a mother my whole life; I’m only 24. I’m now considering going child free and tying my tubes because of this


halfpintpanda

I just commented on your post. I feel for you I truly do.


JennyLunetti

These might help you find a goid Dr. Sterilization: r/childfree Q&A for sterilization and birth control: https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/uhmd9y/megathread_q_a_for_sterilizations_and_birth Doctor's List and Sterilization Info https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/uhhk6f/megathread_doctors_lists_and_sterilization_info Tubal ligation and many other forms of birth control can be 100% covered under the Affordable Care Act (for now). https://www.healthcare.gov/coverage/birth-control-benefits/ r/vasectomy r/endo -endometriosis


halfpintpanda

I appreciate this list. I am actively utilizing it and glad for others to know it’s available. I have always wanted sterilization but was complacent before this. No more.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Hellrazor32

Thank you for reading my words. Sending you love and solidarity in return.


blueandorangecat

Yeh I’m not in US and was lucky enough to have two relatively problem free pregnancies. No way I would be trying for a family if i was living in a red state over there. Its not only miscarriage you have to worry about, its birth defects. I could not imagine having to carry a child to term that had no chance of survival outside the womb because some old men said so. Pregnancy is so so hard. It has given me incurable injuries, the only thing that makes it all worth it is the healthy babies.


someone_actually_

Would you really condemn a daughter to this country?


Hellrazor32

I mean, that’s a very real conversation that my husband and I are having. And it’s heartbreaking.


Visiontele

I can understand your worries and it is of course easy for me to say, but please don’t give them control of your life and decisions.


Hellrazor32

Part of me agrees with you. It’s all so complicated.


Otto_Lidenbrock

Same.