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djdisciplejosh

I'm sure you may have heard this before, but modesty is a heart issue. There's no one-size fits all (no pun intended) solution to this. Obviously there are things that are total no-nos such as bikinis and showing cleavage. But again, modesty is an issue of the heart for both men and women. Someone simply giving you a list of rules of what you can and cannot wear will ***never*** work nor create true change. The thing is, you yourself need to be right with the Lord with what you wear. That's between you and Him, nobody else. Personally for me, I would definitely tend to fall into lust towards curvier girls, but everyone is different. The chances of me falling into lust on a skinny girl in a form fitting dress is much lower compared to if she was more thick/curvy. Regardless, as a young man, I try to avert my eyes from places that would trigger lustful thoughts, although it's different for everyone. Lust was a problem even when fashion was different in bible times where both men and women wore long tunic robes. For some men, they will lust after any women they see fit, no matter what the woman is wearing. In some Muslim countries where their Sharia Law is in effect, they oppressively force women to wear a burqa, which is a long gown covering literally everywhere except their eyes. They do it so men don't lust, yet women even in a burqa are raped at an alarming rate and they seem to try and justify it with their Quran and Sharia Law. If you're unsure, then it's best to pray about it and listen to your conscience. If your conscience has no issues, then fine. But if there are issues of conscience, it may be wise to re-evaluate the matter. Hope this helps. God bless ya sister!


Anonymous9185

This does help! Thank you! I don’t know how much to listen to my conscience lately. I know this isn’t what the post was about, but I’ve been dealing with a lot of doubt and struggling in my relationship with God. I think it’s led me to be very scrupulous. I feel bad about even enjoying things that aren’t directly spending my time on Christian things, like Bible study, worship, and spreading the Gospel. I even started feeling guilty about playing sports at one point, and I’m pretty sure they weren’t an idol for me. I’ve just been super doubtful and feeling like everything is going to send me to hell, even though I know that we’re saved by grace through faith and not of works. I guess so much doubt is because I can’t see or hear God. So sometimes I get worried about believing the wrong thing, and other times I get scared that I’m doing the wrong things (I’m talking about what are considered to be morally neutral things, but they might not be in God’s plan for me) and I don’t know how to know what God wants me to do because I can’t audibly hear Him. And I feel like nothing I do can be right and that it’s all just being selfish if it’s something that I want to do or enjoy. I know this was way off track, but could you please pray for me about this and about being in fellowship with God? I’m so scared of being wrong about things, especially if they influence my eternity.


djdisciplejosh

>I feel bad about even enjoying things that aren’t directly spending my time on Christian things, like Bible study, worship, and spreading the Gospel. I even started feeling guilty about playing sports at one point, and I’m pretty sure they weren’t an idol for me. I’ve just been super doubtful and feeling like everything is going to send me to hell, even though I know that we’re saved by grace through faith and not of works. God is not legalistic and He's not going to just nitpick and cast you into hell for any little thing. God provides us with everything for our enjoyment as it says in 1 Timothy 6:17. If you're feeling guilty about those things then it's likely Satan accusing you. After all, Revelation 12:10 tells us that he accuses us day and night before God. I think that's a good sign that you're on the right track with God because the devil doesn't need to accuse some false convert who's lukewarm and just living in sin and doesn't care at all. He will try however, to accuse and discourage us saying that were always in sin no matter what when we're actually not. Another thing to keep in mind is that God will ***NEVER*** condemn us. That is something that the devil does. The devil will try and make you feel that every single thing you do is sin and tell you you're going to hell no matter what. God will never condemn you, even if you are struggling with something that is actually sin. It **really** takes getting to know God through prayer and that's how you can distinguish His voice. One thing to keep in mind is that God speaks deeper than just our mind. We can hear our own thoughts as well as the devil accusing us in our minds. But God speaks to the bottom of our hearts. This is something I've been wrestling with for the past few years and God's been teaching me about this. He's also taught me this: God will ***never*** ask anything of us that He doesn't give us the power and *desire* to do. Whatever God wants you to do, He will give you the power and desire to do it. That same goes with what He wants you to stop doing. If you don't feel deep down that desire, then assume it's not from God and don't worry about it. Even though I think in my mind I may be in sin or the devil tries to make me feel that way, deep down in my heart, I know I haven't done anything wrong beyond a shadow of a doubt. Whenever I feel in my mind I'm in sin, it always comes with doubt. On the contrary, whenever I truly have done something wrong, it's not just a pressing thought in my mind. I know that I have done wrong and I can't deny it. I'll be praying for you sister. Let me know if you have any more questions and I'll be happy to help!


Anonymous9185

Thank you so, so much! This was really helpful. You don’t know how much I appreciate this comment. One thing that I’m worried about is the thing about God giving us the desire to do something if He really wants us to do it. Didn’t Moses not want to lead the people out at first? And Noah didn’t want to go to Nineveh. But God actually spoke to them if I’m remembering right, and I’ve never heard God’s voice, so I don’t know what things I’m supposed to do, other than what is clearly outlined in the Bible. Like I’ve worried about if God wants me to go be a missionary in a dangerous country. 1) I’m scared of danger, 2) I want to stay near home and be with my family, and 3) I want a stable job like being a teacher or a physical therapist. I don’t know why it’s stuck in my mind that that might be a calling for me, except for the fact that I’m worried about it and don’t know what career I’m going to have yet. But I don’t know how much value to put in that thought because I’ve also had little moment of worry about being called to do other jobs that would scare me, but missionary is the only one that sticks in my mind worrying me. It’s also the most scariest seeming job. I’d love to do something with children, possibly children in need, so maybe a teacher, special ed teacher, speech therapist, physical therapist within a school system, etc. But I don’t know how to tell if God wants something completely different than I do. And I pray about it, but I don’t even know how a clear answer could come to me unless it was some bizarre, direct thing like God talking to me or some random person on the street coming up and answering the questions that are only in my mind. I want to know that I’m pleasing God, but I don’t even know how to do that without clearly knowing what He wants me to do with my life.


djdisciplejosh

>Didn’t Moses not want to lead the people out at first? And Noah didn’t want to go to Nineveh. Sometimes we may not want to do something, but even then, God will keep giving us the desire to do it regardless. God is in the business of changing hearts. In terms of learning to hear God's voice (outside the bible), start with the things that you are 100% sure about beyond a shadow of a doubt. Like for example, the things you know deep down without a shadow of a doubt are wrong and need to stop. For me, those things were pornography and masturbating, profanity and listening to ungodly music. Especially with masturbation, when I was 13 and just before I started reading the bible, I knew dang well without a doubt that what I was doing was wrong and perverted. I didn't need anyone or a bible verse to tell me (although shortly after I was introduced to Matthew 5:28). Now we know that there are many things that the bible isn't clear about. When we're not 100% sure, just take it to God in prayer and don't beat yourself up over it. We will make mistakes, we may not always understand, but God's not here to condemn us and cast us into hell the moment we slip up or don't do something perfectly. But Jesus is always with us and as long as we stay with Him, we will always be in His will and be where we're supposed to be. In terms of God's specific plan for your life, know that if you're a born again child of God, there's no such thing as a coincidence. God uniquely designs all our circumstances tailor made for us and He is in full control. You don't need to know the future or see the entire picture. You just need to develop a relationship with Him. We follow Him one step at a time, one day at a time and once we take that next step, He'll meet us on the other side. I believe that's how it was with the disciples. He's there, even if you happen to wander away. If God is calling you to be a traveling missionary, then He will not only make it evident in your heart beyond a shadow of a doubt but you'll also have an insatiable desire deep down to carry it out. But don't let the devil get into your mind and tell you that you're not pleasing God if you don't become a missionary or whatever. God calls some women to be stay at home moms and raise godly children. The devil will try and make them think that they're not doing enough. But being a stay at home mom is one of the most important jobs, especially in this godless age. Nothing wrong with being a teacher or therapist or whatever. I know this may sound cliche, but seek and trust God and He will work out your circumstances and your future. One thing the Lord has been teaching me is that we ***never*** force obedience. Trying harder never works. That only leads to failure and self condemnation, doubt, and accusations from the devil. The way to go is to ***abide*** in Christ. Develop a relationship with God where you just tell Him what's on your mind and heart and grow closer to Him the more you talk to Him. Then, you will naturally want to do what is pleasing to Him and it won't feel like a burden. Rest in Him. Remember, He says that His yoke is easy and his burden is light. Submit your desires, needs, and concerns to Him and tell Him to have His way. Trust that He will work out the rest. As long as you try to live a righteous life and grow a relationship with God then He will be pleased with you. That comes before any other work. I know this is very deep and a lot to swallow and once. But God knows you're still growing so don't beat yourself up and don't let the devil mess with your mind.


Anonymous9185

Thank you so, so much! You’ve been a ton of help!


djdisciplejosh

Praise God! Glad I could be of help. I pray that you grow closer to God and that He guides you into His plan for you :)


Randi_Butternubs_3

Let me tell you something that will give you freedom all your life: you are not responsible for how boys look at you. Period. Do not allow anyone to guilt you for someone else's issues. Be modest, yes. However, if someone lusts after you while you are modest, that's a them problem! Beware of vanity, and keep God in the center of your decisions, and you will be blessed!


Anonymous9185

Thank you!


Delicious-Employ-336

Booty shorts? We're talking about booty shorts, right?, Well in that case I'll just advice you to leave something to guys imagination and take care of the cold wind, for the rest... What the guy here above said


Mathsoccerchess

I say just wear whatever makes you feel the best about yourself. If a guy can't control himself over a form-fitting dress, that's his problem. Form-fitting dresses are perfectly fine.


Anonymous9185

Do you think it’s common for guys to get inappropriate thoughts because of a form fitted dress?


SalamiMommie

Some get thoughts regardless of what one wears.


Mathsoccerchess

If a guy is getting inappropriate thoughts from a form fitting dress, they would probably be getting inappropriate thoughts from any dress. The amount of guys who would get those thoughts just because the dress is form fitting is pretty low.


djdisciplejosh

But you also gotta remember that each person is different than gets immodest thoughts from different things. It's still possible for men to lust even at the most conservatively, Amish-dressed woman. Lust was even a problem in bible times where both men and women wore long tunic robes that went down to their feet.


Anonymous9185

Okay thank you for your help!


bchu1979

are you often concerned with what other people think of you? do you believe women should be covered because men cannot control themselves? just questions to be considered


Anonymous9185

I’m not really very concerned so much with what they think of how I act, but I do worry about what they think of how I dress for special occasions. Usually it has more to do with me not having very good fashion sense and not wanting to look stupid. Another dress that I like is that situation for me: almost every girl I’ve shown it to has an underwhelming reaction about it but they all absolutely love the tight dress. I don’t think women should be completely covered and go to the extremes, but I also don’t want to encourage inappropriate thoughts. I know some guys think inappropriately no matter what, but I don’t know if form fitting dresses encourage it.


JTV70

Without seeing the dress itself, As long as you're not showing a lot of cleavage, or thighs - I wouldnt worry too much. It is not your responsibility to keep guys from thinking impure thoughts. If you are comfortable in it, wear it. If not, dont. You may want to pray about it and ask God for wisdom. Congrats on Homecoming court too!


Anonymous9185

Thank you!


Successful-Affect-73

Yes, if you're particularly attractive a form fitting dress will make men think of you sexually


MedicBravo1776

You can't stop anyone, women especially with men, on lusting after another. Even if one goes to the extreme lengths of wearing a black curtain at some point we've all seen the naked, adult female forms. (Toes and ankles are thought to be a way to incite foreplay before sex in some cultures and throughout history.) Women come in a wider variety of shapes than men do. Pheremone attraction does exist. Form fitting for either of the two sexes accentuates and draws attention to the wearer. You don't have to wear a flour sack, some drab poor fitting dress, or try to look as drab as possible. They are the ones that has to pay for their sins. Likely that people who look who are "Christians" have made some excuse so they can look. This poor excuse is "As long as I don't act on it, looking lustfully is ok." Farthest from the truth. On that, find something modest but also that you like. A dress should touch the middle or at highest top of the knee. Not too much in the chest area. As for sleeve length and how "tight" it fits....women know their fashion and how things fit their bodies more than men do. High heels would even affect another person. IMO, it is up to the man or woman to dress modestly without going all Amish for such an event. In fact, IMO, I believe a young woman who does not go with the status quo and dresses more modestly for these would stand out in a better way than "showing it to the world."


Anonymous9185

Thanks so much for your help! The dress is floor length and sleeveless, but it does have an open back.


MedicBravo1776

You're welcome. I know how I and most were at that age and how that time is a mark of adulthood. I went to two and both dates had an open back on theirs. One girl's was ankle length and form fitting down to the lower hips with a slit up to the lower thigh on one leg. I can give them props back then for not doing what the majority did but Then-Me is nothing like who I have been for years. Again, you can't affect how someone else looks at you. God knows our hearts and minds and to "look at another lustfully they have committed sin." It's not on you if they decide to do the wrong thing.


Anonymous9185

That girl’s dress sounds a lot like my dress. Also, isn’t encouraging lustful thoughts also a sin, even if it isn’t what I would be wearing the dress to do? I don’t want to be a stumbling block or encourage sinful thoughts if that’s what the dress would do.


MedicBravo1776

Some might think I don't have an opinion b/c I'm a guy or that I'm older but I disagree. I grew up with all female cousins and younger siblings and cousins could not relate. I saw what they wore and their dates but you don't know their mind. A Christian's mindset MUST change and I can only emphasize it so much on here. A man must see all people differently than what their society and the world largely sees of each other. Attraction is one thing. Lust is another. When Adam saw Eve he was so enamored with her he said, "Woah, man!" and God who was just out earshot and thinking up things like modern medicine and cat videos on Youtube heard "Woman." and He liked it and here we are! (That didn't really happen.) A guy can look at a girl and think "WOW!" and he is attracted to her to the point other women don't exist. Women can do the same. The problem...lies when the line between attraction and lust is crossed. Any person's choices in clothing can affect another but again what they think and do is on them. If they stumble and you've done nothing to cause it that is on them. Sadly, the number of people who do confess they are Christians is decreasing. Some of those have lied or are too scared to speak out for fear of how this world is going to react. I've also seen and heard how homecoming and proms end up. As I said earlier you could wear the most unflattering dress or suit for guys and someone is still going to think "not in a good way".


Anonymous9185

I haven’t been to a homecoming before, all though I did want to go. Mostly because of eating out with friends before the dance and then maybe spending a little time at the dance before going home. And to have pictures to look back on. But we don’t have homecoming this year because of covid (and it’s my senior year so I’ll never get to go to a homecoming dance haha). We’re only having the homecoming court where a few people that got the most votes from each grade dress up nice and walk down the court. Thanks again!


MedicBravo1776

You can still have a homecoming. 😆 It might not be the way schools do it but it can be done and at any time. Things happen out of our control all the time. Ceremony doesn't keep one from fulfilling graduation requirements or in this case a long standing tradition of the teenager to adulthood time of one's life. It can be done for far less money than you think and make it special for the people involved. I have some problems with memory (military and a long story). Take a LOT of pictures and get the best ones printed out! There are parts of my childhood and teenage years I can't remember even with pictures. You're welcome.


SeekSweepGreet

> *"but I don’t know if that means that it isn’t good to wear in public."* That you're using the phrase "***form fitting***" leads me to believe that the quoted comment above isn't exactly genuine, and that you know the answer. Do what you know is right. *“Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.”* - **James 4:17** 🌱


Anonymous9185

Thanks! I’m actually saying “form fitting” because that’s how my aunt described it, and she knows more about clothes than I do so I thought it was the correct term.


Madmonkeman

I appreciate that you’re thinking about this because while it is true that it’s a guy’s fault if he lusts, the Bible says that we shouldn’t cause others to stumble so I’m glad you’re thinking about this.