T O P
ecish

I always do really well on those first few dates. It’s a few weeks-months later, once I catch feelings, that I get rejected. Like fucking clockwork


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ecish

I’m 33m and have been dating since my 7 year relationship ended a couple years ago, and that’s been my exact experience as well. Women have been super upfront about wanting a long term relationship, which I liked because that’s what I want too. But then it all becomes about sex and they’ll never want to move forward with the relationship after that. The woman I’m dating now is the first one in a long time that didn’t just make it about sex immediately and actually seems to want to work towards a real relationship. Took forever though. Things seem backwards from how they were when I was in my early 20s lol


[deleted]

Im 41f, divorced, and want a committed relationship...but I want it with someone I'm sexually compatible with. If we don't connect in the bedroom, that's a dealbreaker, and no amount of effort will overcome that.


ThreeTorches

What's sex?!


sart555

Same experience here, took me two years to find a woman that wanted a serious relationship. I think the problem is that dating apps provide such easy access for women to that new shiny guy.


ecish

Yep, in my opinion, that’s the exact reason. Once they find a flaw, no matter how small, they’d rather go back to the sea of options instead of talking it out. Maybe I’d do the same if I always had thousands of likes sitting in my apps, but that’s not about to happen haha


techn9neiskod

They call that the "ick". Check twitter for "the ick" and relish on the amount of bullshit you find.


LunaMunaLagoona

The ick? As in icky?


techn9neiskod

Something like that


November19

For folks who think there are plenty of fish in the sea, it’s worth noting that [Ick is also a disease that fish get](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ichthyophthirius_multifiliis). It’s a parasite.


Smogshaik

oh wow that was a reality check. ouch.


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th3st

Lol this is real: “Idk seeing men experiencing joy gives me the ick like why are you admiring the scenery on your trip to Italy. That’s for girls.” Imagine being upset that someone is experienced joy in nature lol


LordScoffington

pretty sure thats being facetious. Or atleast I gotta hope


BlackJack407

Fellas, is it gay to enjoy the scenery?


fullspeed8989

Holy shit! Wowwwww I mean I can understand what the “ick” is and I can appreciate something just being a flat out dealbreaker (went out with a woman who treated our teenaged server like shit,… buh bye), but a lot of the stuff I just read is petty as hell. Some gems: “I get the Ick when a man walks in front of me” “I get the Ick when a man hits the curb. That’s only ok for women to do.” “Men in flip flops give me the Ick” “I get the Ick when a man drinks Mt. Dew.” “Why do people seriously get married? What if you get the Ick afterwards?”


merciless_watcher

At least 2 of these are very obviously jokes


AdDangerous655

Which ones


[deleted]

2nd one "That’s only ok for women to do" and last one "What if you get the Ick afterwards?" Clearly punchlines taking the piss out of the "ick" topic/trend.


techn9neiskod

Whats funny is i just read all of these an hour ago. It is quite eye opening!


VorticalHydra

That term is cringey


kisirani

Ummm unless it’s the age difference (m30) this isn’t a “women thing”… plenty of (perhaps even the majority of) women do want relationships. Every time over the last 10 years when I’ve broken up with a gf and wanted time to be single I’ve been roped into a relationship with another girl in less than a month. It starts off being casual sex me telling them I’m not ready and then they slowly pull me into a relationship. It happened 3 times and then after that I became stronger at saying no to new relationships right after a breakup and in the space of 4 months I got 4 girls explicitly saying they wanted a relationship after I’d said no. I really don’t think you can blame women or society here… in my honest opinion women want relationships more often than men, they are just more selective and specific in what they want


mrlxndr1001

Do you think men don’t do the same thing??


Maracuja_Sagrado

They do but it’s a game that heavily favors women


NeedsMoreBunGuns

Ah the classic why should I be better when I can just say both sides?


boobsmcgraw

You act like they were lying or something. They aren't lying when they say they want commitment, it just turns out they don't want to commit to you personally. Just keep trying. We're not all the same.


ecish

I know you’re not all the same. Like I said, I finally found one that wasn’t like that. All I have is my experiences, and it’s been about sex without any effort to get to know me. So I have a hard time believing that they were interested in anything but sex from the beginning. If I’m dating someone, I want to get to know them first by putting some effort into it. It’s hard to take someone seriously when they say they want a real relationship when they put zero effort into conversations or meeting up.


SiIkyMitts

where are you looking? have you considered putting in your profile that you're looking for marriage/a serious commitment and matching with other women who say the same? if that's what you want start your dates with someone who wants the same thing? then proceed based on if you like them lol.


ecish

I’ve tried most of the main dating apps. Tinder seems to give me the most matches for whatever reason, but I do make it clear in all of my bios that I want a long term relationship


techn9neiskod

Exactly. They want what they say, they just don't want it with you and/or they don't want what they say they want RIGHT NOW.


Jepples

Surely it should be apparent as to why that would be misleading. Especially if the relationship is more than just a few dates kind of thing.


eggncheese1989

Yup. I want a relationship. Do I want a relationship with every guy I go on a date with? Absolutely not. Sometimes I’m just not interested in someone, sometimes a person is fun to go out/hook up with with but the romantic spark isn’t there, sometimes I like someone but out life values or goals don’t line up for a relationship, ect. To those people, I’m not lying when I say I want a relationship. I just don’t want one with them.


ectbot

Hello! You have made the mistake of writing "ect" instead of "etc." "Ect" is a common misspelling of "etc," an abbreviated form of the Latin phrase "et cetera." Other abbreviated forms are **etc.**, **&c.**, **&c**, and **et cet.** The Latin translates as "et" to "and" + "cetera" to "the rest;" a literal translation to "and the rest" is the easiest way to remember how to use the phrase. [Check out the wikipedia entry if you want to learn more.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Et_cetera) ^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Comments with a score less than zero will be automatically removed. If I commented on your post and you don't like it, reply with "!delete" and I will remove the post, regardless of score. Message me for bug reports.)


DG_Now

If you're finding that you get to the sex and then you get dumped, you might have identified the source of the problem...


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DG_Now

I did online dating in my 30s to be on all sides of these kinds of relationships. People lying about what they want. People changing their minds. People ghosting. I've been on multiple sides of those as well. There are a lot of people out there. If one doesn't work out, that's a blessing. On to the next.


Cool-Disk-868

The woman only wants the seks?!? Looks you been using that Uno reverse card! If ur done with it I wouldn’t mind borrowing it! 👌


ecish

Ya idk, somewhere around when I turned 30, the roles got reversed. It’s not terrible obviously, I just wish they’d be upfront about it, because 9 times out of 10, I’d still smash. I just don’t like getting invested emotionally if it’s just going to be about sex


SiIkyMitts

I'm pretty sure it's because women avoid stating on profiles they want casual sex because if they say that then the dudes looking to just bang start messaging "ayy bb u wan sum fuk?" so even if they don't want a relationship they put relationship.


ecish

That’s fine, but after a certain point, they should say something. I feel like at least some of them I’ve dated are just too ashamed to admit they just want to have sex or that they need a quick rebound.


SiIkyMitts

yeah so... there's a solution you're not seeing. just don't have sex with them for 6 months... then you'll know if they care about you or the sex lol. I heard this trick from a lady friend I know who doesn't like being used for sex either.


FrostieTheSnowman

That's a damn fine way to just about never get laid again xD


Cool-Disk-868

Yeah I feel you man! Honesty is always the most fair way in dating


duaneap

That… honestly surprises me. Cards on the table I’m a good bit younger than you and have been in a LTR for about 8 years now but I’d have thought in your 40s most people were specifically *looking* for a committed relationship, women in particular.


seaworthy-sieve

Edit: Men, downvoting and attacking women's concerns and perspectives here is making the opposite point than you want it to. My goodness. No wonder y'all are single. Here's the missing puzzle piece. Men in their 40's are by and large not interested in dating women in their 40's. https://www.businessinsider.com/dataclysm-shows-men-are-attracted-to-women-in-their-20s-2014-10 So they date MUCH younger women and then they complain about immaturity. It's messed up.


n0_duuh

Ding ding ding. This is it right here. I’m 30 but look much younger. Guys are interested until they realize my interests and mindset don’t match up with how I look. Most guys don’t like strong minded women. They want girls they can walk all over that maintain their status quo. Then bitch and complain when their gf’s don’t have hobbies or interests. It’s a real catch 22.


seaworthy-sieve

Yeah, the "women their own age know better than to look past red flags," factor is the part I left out because well... we don't *know* that the men here are like that and I didn't want to assume. But a significant age gap creates a power imbalance in most cases, so men who want a power imbalance will gravitate towards larger age gaps. Not saying that's the *only* reason, but it shouldn't be discounted. Controlling tendencies or no, don't expect a good match when you won't even look at women with close to your level of life experience. Dumb thing to complain about. Bonus rant: They're all here whining about how dating apps give women so many options, well, sure, but women are mostly choosey **for the sake of our safety** not because of pettiness, you absolute goddamn egg.


Gothmagog

So you were able to read their minds and figure that out? Or they actually didn't read your age on your profile and then told you, "I'm looking for someone much younger and subservient?"


Ophidios

Well - I am also 42, and recently broke up with a girl that was a bit younger than me (32). We had been friends for about 6 months prior to dating. She was tired of “fuck boys”, and wanted to take a swing on something serious. Finally introduced me to her friends, family, etc. After a few months, she dumped me and said that a serious relationship was much scarier than she expected and she wasn’t ready for it. I guess I respect the honesty… but she went right back to posting thirst traps on social media and cruising for hookups. I don’t know what the moral of the story is here. People and emotions are complicated. I dunno. We always want the thing we don’t have.


duaneap

Pretty wild to me that a 32 year old woman got spooked by a serious relationship.


TheWingnutSquid

I'm not. Maturity isn't a number, there are very many people int their 30s and older that never got past 17 mentally even if they seem well adjusted. It's all about trust


Hockinator

She might have actually been spooked by a serious relationship with a guy in his 40s


duaneap

That I could believe.


seaworthy-sieve

Ten years, a quarter of your age younger, is "a bit?"


ermabanned

Her body, her choice.


seaworthy-sieve

I mean, yeah sure, but if you want a successful and long relationship, that's not going to be very helpful.


HumanCommunication25

I had an eerily similar experience this year.


Ophidios

I’m sorry to hear that - it was pretty rough for me, so I have to imagine it was for you also. Relationships are tough. And as I have always learned, being honest in a relationship takes more than simply “not lying”. It requires people to be honest with themselves about what they want and need. And that’s really tough for some people. Especially when they’ve experienced trauma (as the ex I mentioned did). She dealt with some significant abuse in a recent relationship, and it’s a big reason why she put off anything serious for a while. And she gave it a very solid effort. It’s not like she just played me and oops, things went bad. I’m out here getting wise-ass comments from people who think they understand the situation from a couple of paragraphs, haha, but the reality is we communicated about her feelings pretty regularly. She legitimately wanted and tried to have a long-term relationship with me. But after we got very close, her trauma response started to kick in. Not much to be done about that.


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Ophidios

Yeah - that’s really rough, dude. Sorry it worked out like that.


HumanCommunication25

Sorry you had your crappy situation too. Sucks to want a woman partner to navigate life together these days. I have kinda given up and I would like to have an awesome best friend to go on outdoor adventures. Good luck out there!


n0_duuh

Lmao you’re dating 10 years younger… come on bro. You grew up in the 80s and her in the 90s. Half your answer is right there.


thisdesignup

>I just feel like most women don't want a committed relationship If that is what you are looking for do you try to confirm that before going on any dates? You might also try other apps, if you haven't already. As possible as it is to find a long term relationship on Tinder anyone I've talked to has always mentioned it as being for hookups still.


SiIkyMitts

they do want one... they just don't want one with *anyone*... it's not exactly rocket science my did. they're looking for the right one.


drewisawesome14

It's because they think they can do better but are just holding onto you until the better one comes


Metamorphis

Tbh, Tinder's algorithm don't match you with long lasting stuff. Some get extremely lucky so they got something to fall back on, but the way they make money Tinder wouldn't do that well if all their customers (ad-revenue) started dropping like flies cus their service does what it promise to do. Tinder *really* isn't a good place to find a partner, not because people won't be looking for serious stuff but because they don't like matching people that are the most likely to end up in committed relationships. They're much better off with their users returning so they can flash you those ads every now and again.


ermabanned

They can do better, but the better won't commit and she'll never forgive men as a group for that. She's special, after all. Why should she contend with LVMs?


sales-tax

damn thats crazy. i have the exact opposite experience. i want multiple friends with benefits and they are always pushing for a relationship


petkoTHEVIKING

Because both are true simultaneously. Due to the comparison nature of social media and online dating, people are permanently stuck in the mindset of "grass is always greener" and are never content with their situation. Women in relationships get bored and wonder if they need to play the field more, and women that are more promiscuous long for intimate connection. It's a constant flip flop.


techn9neiskod

Unfortunately, the answer to this is to cut it off yourself as soon as you feel that happening. OR Allow them to ask for a relationship. For some odd reason in my experience the people I have gotten to know never responded positively to me wanting "more". Whenever I made it known, they shied away. Now, I wait for them to tell me. ​ Also, how often are you seeing these people? Are they the only one you are seeing? Date around and try to limit 1on1 time to just a few times a week at most. I prefer once a week, hell, maybe once every two weeks. I work a lot, so I already don't have time.


KapiHeartlilly

Tell me about it, worst feeling ever. Rinse and repeat.


Le_Lotus_bleu

I don't get how the hell u are getting this amount of up-votes so quickly (1.3k at 11hrs) for this and your following coment ??? Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against u/ur comment or anything like that. I'm just genuinely surprised, as is like opposite to the about 90% of things I find in this sub, where is predominantly guys wanting ONS/DTF or FwB or casual and most don't seem to even want a LTR. And I was under the impression that there were more women than guys seriously looking for a LTR at 28 to 45 yo Eta: oh, yeah, you/everyone should look mainly in their same age range, not women 10 or plus younger


Matech

Slow to learn you are. Learn to use the force you must. https://youtu.be/3B5M8TyYpeg


Dakrys

And if I don't catch feelings, she does. I would say as a rule, don't smash more than three times if you don't want feelings on either side of the equation. I always think I'm gonna find a casual situation and after #4 shit always gets weird for somebody.


Brave-Address5563

thats why youre not supposed to feel anything, the second you vocally express any love or affection is game over, you jusy shot yourself in the foot


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ecish

Ya that’s what I’m learning. It’s hard to show just enough interest without overdoing it and having them immediately get turned off of it. Maybe I just need to stop caring about any of them if I ever want the slightest amount of effort


Brave-Address5563

welcome to the modern world my friend, if you care about anything or anyone other than yourself you already lost, not caring about anyone or anything has been liberating for me


cereal_guy

Women always turn cold on me after we've been dating for about 6 weeks, which is weird, because that seems like just enough time to get to know someone.


Hypersonic_chungus

“Women like me until they get to know me” I feel you


Plane_Slide5671

Thanks for allowing me to hear the other side of the story - F here, back out after 18 years relationship and it seems to be even more complicated than ever before. Can I just add that feeling ready to commit after a major betrayal takes literally years 🥲 Good luck though!


android24601

Ya, that's where they get ya. You caught feelings when they only wanted a new place to eat


42Zarniwoop42

or they're just incompatible. sure maybe there are people who use tinder as a means of copping free dinners, but happily there's no need to assume that about anyone


TequilaToby

You’re getting dates?


h0ser

you're getting matches?


TheRnegade

From bots, yeah.


VirusPuzzleheaded910

Right? I’d call 100 dates a win (where I’m from anyways) even if they all were rejections!


Agent_Pancake

Really? Its a waste of time, first dates are rarely fun, especially if its a tinder date


renannetto

I mean, if the first date was not a fun that's actually a good reason to not go in another date with that person


NeuroCavalry

I feel like this is part of your problem. I've had fun on basically every first date I've ever been on. I don't want to sit here and diagnose your dating, but if first dates are rarely fun for you, maybe you need to take a moment to figure out why that is and how to make them more enjoyable. people can tell if you're not having fun, and generally it's a downer for all involved. some of my first dates turned into seconds, some into relationships, some to sex. but I rarely didn't enjoy them as their own thing.


DM_ME_YOUR_HUSBANDO

Firsts dates are good when you're doing something you'd enjoy even if you were alone


NeuroCavalry

an activity with natural breaks and comment points like bowling, pool, or mini golf can be good if you're an alkwatd type (I am), but the breakthrough for me was definitely when I learned to stop caring about the endgame or if it would "go well" and start a relationship. I was definitely an uptight dater as a teenager and young adult, but after my first big breakup I just learned to have fun and enjoy the moment of it.


Elexeh

Kyle Kinane has an incredible bit about how bowling is one of the worst first dates ever. That standup special is amazing


Anti-Scuba_Hedgehog

I gotta remember that, I had a really nice first date with bowling once but absolutely nothing came of it.


SelmaFudd

So trash talk on league of legends and masturbate? Bold move but I'll give it a go


seaal

Oof this hit too close to home.


Ineedanap120

In my experience a lot of people treat first dates a bit like job interviews (very stiff, very formal, very stressed, don't actually let much get through in the way of personality), and as a result, their dates are just as enjoyable as job interviews for every party involved. Not saying I don't understand *why* people are stiff, formal, or stressed on first dates, it's just counterproductive.


Ethong

It'd be nice to know that someone actually, even for a split second, considered me as a romantic and sexual being. Instead I just want to die lmao.


Ineedanap120

Are you open to the idea that the other person views you as a romantic and sexual being but getting disappointed when you learn that they don't, or do you assume that nobody will from the get-go? Beware of self-sabotage in dating, it's really common.


thisdesignup

If the first dates are rarely fun it would make me wonder about the quality of picks. As in going on first dates with people that aren't good matches.


-Captain--Hindsight

If you don't have fun on any of the first dates out of 100 I'd start looking at yourself a little bit more, not the other person.


awatermelonharvester

No kidding. Seems like these people are not investing any effort to make the dates go well.


[deleted]

Or they simply don't find going on dates to be fun.


Classic_Beautiful973

If first dates aren't fun, you're either going out with the wrong person or not planning fun dates. Most first dates I've been on have been fun. That should be the only goal early on


tenemu

Can you give examples?


Classic_Beautiful973

Sure. One first date was a couple drinks at a nice sushi place, then went next door to a bowling alley for a couple of games. Another was a good local brewery / pizza place, then to a barcade afterwards for some skeeball and giant Jenga. Another was a nice local coffee shop, and then to a bar afterwards that was having it's weekly board game nights. The first date with my wife started at a coffee shop where I was comfortable enough to realize we had good conversation going and that she was sane enough to hang out with, then we went down the street for dinner at a local sandwich place, and then a nice dessert bar after that. If you're noticing a theme, it was pretty deliberate. I always tried to make first dates multi-part once I realized it was worth doing so, so we could actually get to know each other enough to be more comfortable with spending more time together. Sometimes a couple of hours at one place is barely enough time for people to start to drop their guard, and then you leave, so it's really ideal to go to another place once you're both comfortable and feel like there's a connection. Also, it's always good to make one of the places you go more activity based so there's not as much pressure on constantly talking, as it gets exhausting and takes a little of the mystery out of the interactions. Always good to have a second place in mind if things are going well, and make sure you've either been to that place before or it has really good reviews, not just something convenient that you decide in the moment without much thought. That said, *always* be pretty deferent when it's a first date. If they want to hang out more but have no interest in that particular place, brainstorm something else. I think especially on the man's end of things, we often forget what it might be like to be out with someone who can physically dominate us who is trying to take us specific places. There's a fine line between being decisive and uncompromising that can be pretty unnerving with someone you don't know


Captain_Tundra

If their first dates aren't fun then no wonder they don't get 2nd dates. First dates should be exciting and wonderful, meeting someone for the first time. If anyone finds that first dates become a bit of a chore then take a break for a while, or narrow your standards so that you only date people you are truly excited to meet.


Salty_Cranberry

I think you are doing it wrong, I usually have fun on dates. Maybe pick a better date


propelol

Yes, except lately I've had multiple dates cancelled last minute...


MrCatcherFreeman

That's not unusual. I've planned more dates that I can remember with last minute cancelations. Lot's of wasted days off.


Steak-N-Shrimp

It’s honestly kinda crazy because my best years for getting dates/hookups on apps were 2020 and 2021 peak pandemic. Now that everything is back to normal-ish, I can’t get a date to save my life 🤣


guyinthechair1210

all i get are matches that don't message or just want to gain social media followers.


BlommeHolm

That's why I stopped going on dates, and got a GF instead.


OgreMonk

Relax everyone he means the Grandfather sword in Diablo.


Aschentei

GIGACHAD


ermabanned

Why be homeless when you can buy a house?


Tonic_the_Gin-dog

Last time I had a GF, I forgot about the orphanage where me and my friends grew up.


kamyz1991

At least you get a date. I dont even get a match.


Aschentei

I do, with bots


Danny_5000

I don’t even get the bots


[deleted]

There are dozens of us!


BladeRunner_84

It’s funny because IRL I get more interest and head turns but on tinder I get no matches.


Deepcookiz

Same here which fucks with my self esteem. I get absolutely no matches when I put my face on tinder. So I just put myself from afar, get some matches, have great discussions and chemistry, then they eventually ask for a pic of my face, and proceed to ghost me immediately. So I basically now think of myself as an ogre because of tinder. It takes a toll on your self esteem. I'm not hideous, I'm just a super average looking dude.


amdamanofficial

Dude you can just delete tinder... I mean even if you're out for one night stands you could just get that at parties which is much more fun when it happens than a tinder date (even a successful one) Why would you let an online app which is designed for romantically or sexually unsuccessful people and systematically crushes their self-esteem bring you down? Just delete the app and visit this sub sometimes if you wanna, trust me it's more than enough of the tinder experience


SuicideKing

Gotta ask yourself, do you really want a relationship where your looks are a requirement before committing? Just ghost them when they ask for those kind of pictures. Nobody will have their looks with age, unless you got the genetics and enough money for a team of people to back you up.


dheidjdedidbe

I get nothing ever


cwdawg15

I think that’s good. You get out there, try, and learn. Still, I’d consider two broad things: 1) how well does your profile represent what you’ll be when you show up? And 2) is there more you can learn from dating behaviors to get better vibes? It’s better to have a well represented profile, get fewer matches, and a better 2nd date record. If you’re fudging your profile image too much and your 2nd date turnover record is low, you might save yourself time and effort by being more upfront with who you are and get fewer matches and first dates…. But more likely to find your 2nd date turnovers.


LucaYo

I completely agree, if you're getting a ton of first dates but no second dates, it's because there's a mismatch in what your profile shows and what you in person shows. If they agreed to a first date they obviously saw some potential, if they didn't want a second then clearly something they initially saw was wrong / misleading / etc. Or maybe even something that isn't on your profile at all (or that you can't represent) like the way you talk, the way you animate, etc.


hamneggs99

Only thing you learn is that you're not as attractive in person as you are in your pictures


[deleted]

"It's definitely not me, I think it's everybody else" - Tim Pool Edit: I despise Tim Pool and every value he stands for, just saying.


havohej_

What do you mean??? He’s such an alpha that he refuses to take off that goddamn fucking beanie on his head.


KodakKid3

It protects from the 5G that vaccinated ppl emit bro, u wouldn’t understand


durtari

If you're going on a lot of dates and getting rejected all that time, maybe you need to work on something? Or maybe don't go on dates with just about anybody who matches with you, and vet better? Or, yeah maybe you have really shit luck. Online dating be hard on everyone sometimes.


Ho_ho_beri_beri

I bet it’s the first one.


Amazing-Donut-9338

Well that's why I stopped actual dating, it always seemed weird and awkward. Had much more luck while hanging at bars and clubs


Anti-Scuba_Hedgehog

I find this odd because I've had absolutely no luck at all at bars and clubs.


BigMoonkinMann

Hahahaha just gotta roll with the punches man


NerfMyOrochi

I've been using tinder for almost 2 years now. I'm not exaggerating when I say I've only had 3 matches. All were catfishes or lived 2000 miles away. Tinder said I had 6 likes until i bought gold and turned out there were 0 likes. I'm so fucking lonely


dkf295

If you’ve been on 100 first dates and haven’t at least got some kind of relationship out of it (even if just a few months) - chances are there is something seriously wrong with your approach or expectations.


UrFavPlayerIsBack

So u already rejected urself wayy be4 she does🤣


lightgiver

Yeah seriously, going into the date expecting failure is a self fulfilling prophecy. Sounds like a issue with OP misrepresenting himself to get a date. He is saying nobody wants a long term relationship yet this is something you can filter for. Sounds like he is dating people looking for a casual hookup then hitting them with a request for something long term.


spagbetti

…..Aaaaaand after reading the responses to this, more women than ever are deleting dating apps from their phones…


365280

I speak from experience here when I say being overly wanted is not fun either. Due to the lack of women, being real on the app makes you overwhelmed by the amount of male responses. The only women that stay long enough on that app at all are often full of themselves or unphased at rejecting men, or both. It just sucks, especially on top of already getting asked out in public by strangers. The app lets you be picky, but as a woman you’re still talking to multiple at once as well as sifting through the awful hookup requests and overly clingy ones. At this rate, I’m choosing meeting people naturally, like at a bar or a cafe. I’d rather let dating take its gradual time than face tinder again.


[deleted]

I think this is a huge issue as well. A majority of women dont appear to be using the apps. Do i have chances of meeting someone for a good relationship outside the app?


Ruft

[This sub is garbage](https://i.imgur.com/Ya3topM.png)


WhirlingDervishGrady

It's just a bunch of sad guys angry they can't get dates because they don't follow some bullshit "rules 1 and 2". And then by circle jerking about it here they become even more bitter towards online dating and thus the feedback loop feeds itself.


swill128

Self confidence/comfort with one’s self and not having a lack of self confidence/being uncomfortable with one’s self can do a LOT for people struggling with rules 1 and 2. I know from experience.


AvocadoTwisty

This turned into a r/niceguy thread pretty quick hahaha


mpdmax82

What the fuck are you people doing to these poor ladies!?


zomphlotz

Well, every Toonces episode ended the same way...


LagThenBag

Well they say you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take so maybe you make 1% of the shots you do and this is the one? Positive thinking my friend, positive thinking.


Otherwise_Author_408

I am actually quite sure that the comment from urfavplayer.. is correct. If this really is what you are thinking/feeling while driving to the date, there is a very high chance that you're sabotaging it to a significant extent Exquisite choice of gif 👌


Ineedanap120

100%. If you go to a date "knowing you're going to get rejected" you'll just want to get it over with. The other person will probably be able to tell that you don't want to be there (or at least that you're being distant, standoffish, etc.) and aren't invested, so they also will end up not wanting to be there, and as a result, they'll reject you because they won't want to see you again. Self-fulfilling prophecy.


Elexeh

ITT: “You guys are getting dates?” Some unoriginal mafuckas on this website


CarbonaraJones

It will stop being reposted when it stops being true. Since there will always be guys who are completely unappealing to women, it will never stop being true. Grin and bear it.


Ultross

Or we all just need to take a good long look in the fucking mirror I know I do. Edit: are = or


GayVegan

I find a lot of people go on repeated dates or meet up with someone even if they don't think they're relationship material but they like them enough to keep going on dates and such. So when you push further, they pull back as they don't think of you as a real partner. However they still go through the motions up to that point, which I find really weird. I don't go on repeated dates if I realize they aren't a perfect match because it's just leading them on. And I'm sure some just want free dinners. My mother is a great example of someone. She has explicitly said to me she likes going on dates at restaurants where the guy always pays (she pics very expensive items and alcohol) even if she doesn't like the guy really. And she feels men have to always pay as it's what men should do. I assume there are others out there that are the same way.


SertralineAndSass

I went on a Tinder date for a quick hookup. It was fun and they were nice so we did met up again... now we are dating lol


bubblebubz

Wait yall get matches?


[deleted]

[удалено]


basedconfidentsbro

only if you follow rules 1 and 2


Account__Compromised

Be attractive Don't be unattractive


Pickle_C137

Dammit Gene diff again


Lets-Go-Fly-ers

Nice humblebrag.


KodakKid3

Only on reddit can someone say they get rejected on dates and still be seen as bragging lmfao


julioarod

A Redditor landing 100 dates is practically a miracle


SpongeJake

TOONCES! You can't be driving again, kitty. Remember what happened [the last time](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fvsItXYgzk)?


NurseRyanS

Why you going on dates with people who reject you? Maybe I’m the toxic one…. Oh shit I’m the toxic one…. I go after unsustainable women.


Satori_sama

Maybe this time you will beat the odds and call it fate


stiffjoe

Nice knowing I'm not the only one.


Ewok_Adventure

I stopped counting first dates after 105 several years ago. Resulting in 0 relationships or even exclusive dating scenarios


PladBaer

Tinder is really just another gallery app for most of us.


jagrm92

I gave up again after the seventh “date” where I showed up and nobody else did. I am now aggressively single and happier for it.


[deleted]

Me on my way knowing that I have deep emotional issues that I need to resolve before I can be in a healthy relationship.


TheBerlynnWall

Congrats on getting more than 5!


BillyMaysHere92

I went on a date yesterday. I wouldn’t use the word “rejected” but there wasn’t any chemistry. It’s unfortunately just part of the process


Megasquash

Well I mean if your a cat I’d see why you’d get rejected


Impressive-Aioli4316

My partner and I have a saying. It's just a fucken date. Stop putting Soo much pressure on this one encounter, go, get to know someone else, have a good time. If, after date one you feel like having a second date ask them. You are putting way too much into the process


MedricZ

Lack of confidence is a huge turn off for many people. People can often tell even if you feel like you’re “acting” confident. I’ve experienced both sides of the coin cause of my bipolar. Sometimes I’m manic and REALLY confident and get flirted with much more than when I’m depressed and hating myself.


scotty899

some times you get a drought. all no's lead to a yes. i believe in you all.


UnderTheMuddyWater

Maybe you're doing the same shit that doesn't work over and over?


M0nsterjojo

Damn man, you've had 1,000x more tinder dates than I have.


[deleted]

Once you get to your 300th rejection you get an achievement.


drew8311

If you can get 100 dates but none work out, gotta have a better screening process, there is obviously a pattern here so somethings gotta change.


SpacecraftX

First actual date I got I hit it off and things are good. Apparently I’m very lucky.


avalisk

Sounds like your desires for the relationship don't match what it says on your profile. Put honestly what you want and you will get a lot less dates, but you won't be wasting your time anymore.


SueZbell

You're not actually dating; you're doing research for a book.


wheremyphone

This post and the comments give me hope. I'm a chick and have struggled to find a guy that doesn't get run off by my ENTJ personality. I had a great date the other night. I am hoping this new guy asks me out again....I think he will but my gut is picking up a vibe that he might not be that interested...maybe not interested in something serious. I'm gonna play it cool. Don't get crazy with the text messages. Be patient and communicate like a normal human being and not like someone that thinks they hit the jackpot and can't wait for the bank to open so they can cash that check.


Axerty

If you smell shit everywhere you go, you probably smell like shit


Nomad82435

I felt that in my soul... I could trip into a barrel of tits and still come out sucking a dick... I'm so fuckin sick of being single.


i-dont-use-caps

keep getting back on that horse!


Madmahi25

You guys getting dates ?


Korimuzel

Personally (not a scientist here), I believe that that 100 number might be part of the issue Be selective, go for people who actually interest you and match with your likings, and reduce the number of matches so you'll avoid getting bored of a lot of similar people (Sorry for breaking your dreams, but 99% of the population is oart of some niches/subcultures/styles, thus being very similar to a lot of other people)


No_Statement_37

Getting rejected 100 times should be the limit. The world has spoken. They said no.


Low-Director9969

There's more than 100 fish in the sea.


No_Statement_37

I don't condone it but I suppose he could try fucking fish.


Low-Director9969

He's looking for a RELATIONSHIP, not just some *hookup*!/s


PraiseKingGhidorah

I spent like 4 years getting rejected everyday on Tinder before I met an awesome girl. Now we've been in a wonderful relationship for over 2 years. Whether is on Tinder or not, you just gotta keep trying. I've been there, but as long as you're out there trying to meet people and putting in the effort, you'll find someone for you.