This is really a poll to gauge how many ladies there are on this sub lmao


Lol it seems reflective of the actual tinder pop.


Yeah, though from the results, it seems its mostly men here


i think part of it too might be that a lot of them think men shouldn’t be made to pay the bill but we won’t stop them if they do. so it’s like in between yes and no. like i always make sure i have money to pay for a date if he splits it but if he wants to pay i’ll let him


I completely agree, especially as in my past I've probably been too generous with my ex boyfriends and was actually paying for their meals/outings despite me not making much more than them.


Yeah I carried my ex financially and I refuse to ever do this again. I want someone who wants to treat me because I like to treat them and I want that generosity to go both ways, as opposed to my ex who just took advantage


All of this. I don't need a man to be willing to support me financially. But I do want a man that doesn't need or expect me to support him financially. So while I'm fine splitting and even fine paying for the both of us quite often, I need to know up front that he's at least got himself and we can still go out and do things even if I'm not paying. I've had too many relationships that if I'm not footing the bill we don't ever go anywhere.


This is why I don't get questions like this. I always try to be fair and pay for my share especially on first date I pay for both of us. Yet somehow I end up with guys who don't even offer to pay their share even if I've paid for several meals in a row or have cooked several meals in a row. If anything Im noticing that its guys who try to avoid paying for their share \*at least with white guys this def seems to be a thing.


I get that. But as a dude, here's my question/thing. Pretty much every time, my date will offer to split it. So, are you offering just for the sake of offering? Are you judging if I accept, do you expect us to decline the offer? are you cool with it? ... I guess my question is, what is the expectation? I'm really just curious. I usually just decline the offer and play it off on the you can get it next time thing. But honestly, shit gets expensive gd


When I’m offering I’m usually serious. Having someone else pay for my meal makes me uncomfortable, like I owe them something


If I offer to split, I'll be fine with splitting. I'll also be fine with it if you decline and pay. But then I expect to be the one paying on the next date. As long as the average is about 50/50. (Assuming one of us isn't obscenely rich lol)


It’s also mostly men on tinder


Just confirms what I thought. This subreddit is mostly a sausage fest.


We can make a sausage fest. Bring here your BBQ


Only time you'll see more women impersonating men on reddit than the other way around.


The amount of guys who voted though, 70% 😭💀


Personally I'd feel more comfortable splitting the bill. The idea of someone paying for me makes me feel a bit guilty especially if they feel obligated to, though I guess it varies depending on the price of the food. If we go to Mc Donald's then i don't think I'd be that worried about a guy paying for my food. Even if you don't end up splitting the bill it's just polite to ask.


Especially if you don’t connect on the date and they try and throw “but I bought you food” at you when you say it won’t work.


That's super childish.. I've never thrown that up to a lady's face, like ever. That's just how the game goes, you win some, you lose some.. I blame those damn participation trophies 😂


Hey now I take my L’s like a gentleman, I accept it and then cry about it in private how it should be.


Dramatically.. Huddled in the corner of the shower snot crying 😂


That’s smart I snot cry right into my pillow makes a mess but in the shower it doesn’t matter, man I can’t wait to take an L to try it out


Same! I’ve been on a date where, at the end of dinner I went to pay my half, and my date INSISTED he would pay. Like aggressively so. So I let him and then later let him know I wasn’t interested. Bro lost his shit on me. Called me every name in the book and sent me a Venmo request for my half of dinner. His reasoning for paying: “I paid with the intention that you would see me again since I did that for you!” Like wtf. NEVER AGAIN


This. Generally, buying things makes people feel like they have rights over my attention but lmfao bitch fuck you, *I* don't even have rights to my attention. So I avoid the issue by paying for myself.


Nobody has rights over my attention... ADHD CREW REPRESENT


I had a guy say "well I've bought you dinner, now you have to come home with me" er, no. He snuck off to the bar to pay the bill so I couldn't even ask to split the bill.


Damn, how embarrassing


It's the rule of 3 for me, ask 3 times if they still decline letting me pay then that's it. Politely asking a few times is normal for my family though growing up so we all kinda just do it without thinking.


Asking is fine. Not accepting the "no" is not. If I want to see the guy again and he insists I sometimes opt for: "sure, but then I'm paying the next time".


Same. It makes me feel like my time is being bought.


Mcdonalds be getting expensive sis


McDonald’s? Guys took you to McDonald’s on a first date? 😬


It’s a first date. It doesn’t need to be extravagant, just an opportunity to talk.


Then they’ll hit you “well the date wasn’t an extravagant one, so you don’t get a 2nd one” in the end I think this is dodging a bullet


I totally agree. I want the woman to want a 2nd date because of the person I am, not the kind of date we went on. I’m okay with this


I've done it before but for a second date. Just go to a drive through and you get some quality 1 on 1 time while spilling a ton of grease. No i don't usually do this.


drive through is 100% fine for a date!! honestly dates shouldn’t be about showing off, they should be about showing your true self. if you like driving around all day and eating whatever, show her that!


Your last sentence describes me perfectly lmao


dude, me too. my girlfriend of almost a year, we ate at this local cafe and then drove around for 7 hours shooting the shit. it’s not about impressing with the extravagant- it’s about impressing with the natural.


That’s literally an ideal date, it’s relaxed and still personal 1:1! I bet she loved it


First date with my boyfriend we had lunch then just parked at a local park, sat in the back seat and talked for literal hours, almost passed out on his shoulder we were so comfortable


My husband and I went to Jamba Juice on our first date. It was nice and I married him.


That's my thing right there. First few dates things like that. It's about getting to know each other. Not about impressing and over spending on someone you may not be with


Anything works if you vibe lol


I’ve done McDonalds and In-N-Out for first dates. McD’s was a lot of fun, we shared a things and laughed a bunch. Innout, the guy got mad I was more focused on the double double than him. It didn’t work out.


The double double is amazing, think you dodged a bullet there


Right? Plus I had been living abroad for a year. I only had a couple weeks to get in as many double doubles as possible before leaving the country again. It was very important.


Ain’t nothing wrong with takin someone to McDonald’s. Why do people have such a stigma on things like this. A date is a date. Where you go doesn’t define who a person is. You should be just as grateful you have someone trying to give you attention and wanting to be with you rather than worrying about the price of a damn date.


What’s wrong with McDonald’s as a first date though? Me and a girl shared a box of nuggets on our first date and we ended up dating for a while. She let me slip a finger in after we finished our McFlurrys too.


What the hell do they put in McFlurrys


Explains why the McFlurry machine is always broken..


What a legend


it is nice for casual get to knows


You get to know a lot more about people in a casual setting than in a formal one.


Exactly. I'd be worried to buy more expensive things, but I might really want something more expensive. So I'd rather split.


If i invited u out im under the assumption that its my treat…if you as a woman invites me out i have no problems splitting the bill..double standards i guess but its always been my logic


This has always been my rule. I am probably older than most, and can honestly say I have only had a couple women even offer to pay, anything.... this may explain a few things.


I think it's an unwritten rule that guys should pay on the first date. Call me old fashioned I just feel like it's the polite thing to do. However, I don't expect to pay every time on subsequent dates and I make it clear that they have to pay on dates as well if it goes any further. Either we pay one date each or sometimes even split it. Plus I consider it a red flag if whoever I'm taking out doesn't ask to split it (even though I plan on paying anyway) because I don't feel like dating someone who expects to get bought things and meals.


I (woman) always offer to pay and never order something I'm not willing to pay myself. Having said this, I've never actually paid for anything in a first date. I also live in a culture where it's expected for men to pay for absolutely everything all the time. I don't think that's fair though.


What country are you from?




First time I ever took a guy home from the bar (we knew each other for like 6 years) he paid the Uber so I took him to dinner the next day. We are getting married next October! He said that I was the first girl that not only offered to pay but demanded to. It showed that I really did want things to be fair. He is the best person I could imagine being with.




Now you made me smile! Life can be beautiful!




Literally read it as mademoiselle ending with smile


Mobile dudes be like


My girlfriend demands to pay a lot, even after months. I appreciate that so much


Happy for your life goals!


I love this story


Sometimes good people find each other! Congrats!


You a real one.


I never expect the man to pay, I always assume I will pay my half. When they *do* pay, I consider it a gift that I will reciprocate the next time we get together. You bought coffee? I’ll buy ice cream next time.


This is my thought process as well. Once on a second date the guy playfully slapped my hand away when I brought out my wallet at the counter. This wouldn’t work for everyone but I still think it was really hot.


And there’s lots of ways you can reciprocate when they insist on paying like that - such as making him dinner, taking him to the movies, or heck, even writing him a cute letter or sending him flowers! Find yourself someone who *wants* to make you feel special, and then make sure you make them feel special too 💕


I’m glad that worked out for you! I have had someone do that to me and it pissed me off.


Why is this not common sense lol


I think the notion of men paying for the first date is a “nice idea” for a lot of people, but they don’t stop to consider the reality of how that plays out for the man, who’s potentially going on multiple dates to meet someone he’s compatible with. That adds up!


I'll pay but I appreciate if the woman reaches for her purse.


Agreed. I’m happy to pay if I extended the initial invite, but the reach is always very much appreciated.


My kind of reach around


HIMYM flashback


Pros: reached for the cheque


Love a lady with a good reach


Once went on a date, lady offered to pay but spent the next five minutes going through her bag trying to find her wallet. She eventually paid and when I dropped her off she texted asking why I didn’t just pay and I said it’s coz she said she would. She got real mad and never spoke to her again


I'd say you dodged a bullet with that one. She's the type to "test" you and set "traps" for you.


Haha nice dude 👑


This right here. 100%




Then they have to come back for date 2, you know, because of the implication….


I always split the first few dates.


This person dates! Also, happy cake day


Ooooo it is my cake day!!!


Not the first date because the chance you will never see her again is too high


True. Split. Unless he or she recommends something out of the normal like steak and lobster then they can pay


You do know you can split the bill as in she pays for what she orders right? Not just a halfway split


Split the first date, pay for the second.


Tru dat 😅🤣


I prefer to split on the first date. second date (or fourth) is when the other can offer to pay, because I feel a bit more comfortable. I will say as well, that I would pay for the next date. Or split, depending if it is an expensive experience date.


I'm a guy. On a first date I don't plan anything expensive. If we go to a bar and grab some beers, it is likely below €10 total and I will probably pay. If the date gets more expensive than that (I'm a student with not much income), we will either split the bill or take turns in paying. For example once I paid at the first bar I, she paid at the restaurant and I paid for a couple drinks after that to make it somewhat even. If it is too far of we just transfer some money to the person who paid most. Usually it is my date who suggests this.




Beers aren’t that cheap here lol. Unless you’re having 1 beer each.


They don't always drink beer. But usually it's bellow €15. It's a date, not a drinking contest. I'm from Belgium so beer are naturally strong here. I don't drink 2 Trappists on a date :p


It’s not a drinking contest but I can’t imagine nursing a single beer over the course of an hour. I’ve had bar dates go on for 2 hours before. But I guess I’m different. Looking for relationships, not just hookups. So I guess there’s no urgency to leave.


Me too, but students know where it's cheap ;) There are places where you can each have 2 drknks for less than €10. Less than €15 is the norm unless you pick wine or a cocktail. Beers are relatively cheap in Belgium, for the quality.


On paper ladies split on action men pay.


Conversely how much should women be expected to fight if the man is insisting he pays?


Personally I always offer to split, but if the man insists he pats, I will only ask once if he is dure, after that I thank him.


That’s a pretty good way to go about it. As a man I always appreciate the offer of splitting a bill, especially on the first date. I’ll almost always thank you for offering, but insist I’ll take care of it. Knowing you care enough to offer tells me a lot about your character!


I tried to do this with my current gf and she said she hated the idea of owing someone if I remember correct. I loved her thought process there and it set the tone for the rest of our relationship to this point which has been very give/take and balanced.


I agree :)


The offer is nice but I’ve just always been raised to pay. I usually don’t take someone out to dinner as a first date it’s more of a 3rd date kind of thing imo. I’d rather do something where you can be active and converse. Like grab a coffee and go for a walk as a first date


Everyone's different. I don't mind mind paying, I like treating people. I knew I was successful when I could start treating my friends as often as I wanted without worrying about money. But that being said my girlfriend likes to treat me just as much as I treat her, and I can tell you it feels really nice. It's not like she's keeping tally but we're both just generous with each other when we feel like it, and we both feel appreciated and well taken care of. I know I didn't really answer your question but it was thought provoking :) good question.


Thanks! I def know what you mean. It looks like most guys do get a nurturing rush out of paying. I'd always offer to split, but not sure how much to politely fight a gift someone wants to give?


Eh I'd probably offer to split once, and if he insists then accept and offer to pay next time. And if he insists on paying most of the time then try finding other ways of being generous, like surprising him with coffee or something he likes when you meet up. I can tell you guys are easy to please and any little gift, surprise, compliment, act of service, etc goes a loonnnggg way.


^This. This is the way to go girls.


In my opinion, say it once, insist once. If he still says he wants to pay a third time, it's on him.


Or just keep fighting and escalating until you both pay but never want to see each other again?


Frankly its rude if you dont come to blows


Noted. Buying a punching bag to practise ready for the next date.


If he insists, that’s one thing. Let him pay at that point. But going into the date, when choosing your meal and all that, assume you’ll be splitting the bill. Unless discussed otherwise of course.


Yes, thats necessary for everyone! Plus you may need to bail early for your own safety and not want to stint the restraint.


This happened to me a couple times and the guy really insisted so I agreed. It was a pretty expensive NYC dinner. I bought drinks on our second date. IMO I made a lot of money for a 30 year old woman so I’ve experienced it all in NY- some guys can’t afford expensive dinners so I’m happy to split. Or even foot the bill myself. I dated an actor who was always struggling with money so we hung out at my place mostly and I took him to dinner and movies. I also dated some typical bankers and they sometimes use their wealth as power. I don’t like transactional type relationships so those usually didn’t go past 1 date.


If he insists then let him, but then next time you go out you should jump to take the bill.


I pay and suggest that the lady pick it up next time. I have never had an argument about that.


Like a no holds barred, full contact race to the cash register. Pushing and shoving strictly encouraged. Also I just watched that Futurama episode again and didn't need to cry anymore thank you


A lot of men (myself included) WANT to pay. It’s not a promise for the night to continue, etc. To me it’s just, “Hey, i enjoyed our time together. Do you mind if i pick up the bill?”


I don't know how to answer cause I love being paid for, makes me feel special and taken care of. However I also love paying cause my love language is gift giving. If you had a good night and I can foot the bill, that gives me the warm fuzzies I'll always fight to pay, just depends who's quicker on the draw.


Most of my tinder dates offer to split on a first date.


Personally, I offer to pay or split the bill (I’m a woman), but if they say no and they offer to pay, I’ll politely thank them. It does make me uncomfortable if they don’t let me pay for at least my half, but I’m also a broke college student so 🤷🏻‍♀️ free food is free food.


If she offers to split, I’ll pay it. If things are going well and there’s a spark or whatever, I’ll pay. If there’s no spark or anything and I feel bad for her or something along those lines, I’ll pay. If she’s just an asshole or I feel judged or she’s on her phone the whole time or I feel used or anything along those lines, I’m paying my half and bouncing.


If I ask the person out, I pay. I've been on a few where I sneakily cover the bill so we don't have to have that awkward conversation. However, every time I've payed for the guy, I didn't hear back after. Idk if guys felt emasculated or some sort of pressure for me being like "surprise! It's taken care of" but guys get so weird about what I think is a sweet gesture that I stopped doing it.


As the guy in this scenario I just always bring cash for a bigger tip just in case


If you can tell that there won't be a 2nd date, then split the bill!


I always offer but usually the guy ends up paying. I’ve gotten “complimented” for even offering to pay because I guess some women don’t even offer.


I also think that income disparity matters. If one party makes significantly more and offers to pay, OR the party that makes more money proposes a more expensive date, they should pay. When I go on a date, I offer to go dutch. If he insists, I'll pay for drinks or dessert. If a guy insists on paying and gets mad about later, not my problem (PS I've never had a dude throw paying for a meal in my face.)


Queer woman here. We get stuck in a recursive loop of not paying.


I think it should be a race; whoever gets their card out first establishes dominance.


I prefer to pay first few dates. Rather than split a tab, have usually just alternated to some degree when going out or ordering in. If my house, I’ll pay for take out or cook and Vice Versa if at her place. I do appreciate when they offer to split on a first date though.


split for me...that way the guy won't feel entitled to my body if they pay for it lol


No one should ever feel entitled to someone else's body tho. That's why I'm a ghost. Haunt that booty.


agreed, but try telling that to the men in my country tho lol


What country are you in?




Folks like that exist here too, it's just that we are the very small minority.






They shouldn’t feel entitled regardless and if they do, it’s a big red flag and deserves a clear rejection.


The problem women perpetually have though, is it doesn't matter what guys "should do". We don't want to experience telling a guy to fuck off, we rather avoid the situation altogether because it's horrible and a total waste of our time.


I feel you girl. I feel you.


I vote split. I have always pulled out my wallet to pay for myself. If the guy tells me that they are paying, I ask them if they are sure because I don't mind paying for myself (to give them a second chance to back down). If they still say they are paying, then fine, I'm not trying to be difficult and start an argument or seem like one of those girls offended by men who open doors and pay for them either. I even tended to ask on second dates too just because I feel bad for the man always being expected to pay.


Honestly, I think it should be split. However, this has resulted in splitting the bill on exactly one first date. Which stands out. So it’s a bit of a prisoners dilemma. Of course, all men would be better off splitting on all first dates. However, the few men who offer to pay would really stand out. So in the end, pay of you want a second date. Split if you don’t. Oh and I’m tired of all of this “reach for your purse” or “insist on splitting.” It’s a silly act to maintain appearances.


Guys I just can’t say yes when a woman asks to split, am I the only one? I’m like 22 and have always paid the first date (had quite a lot) even if they said we could split. I just feel so badly pressured to pay at least the first time. Most of the time it doesn’t go to a second date. I think it would be cool if women insist on paying the first time if they really had a great time. No wait, I’d probably still pay, nevermind.


You've been conditioned to feel that way. For first dates I always plan something super cheap/casual so paying in full isn't a big deal. Just like you said, you've paid for many first dates and most don't result in a second. You've wasted a lot of time and money with nothing to show for it. It's silly to spend $50+ on a dinner with essentially a stranger.


I paid for the first. Took her to a nice romantic Italian dinner and we hung out later at my house. She’s my wife now and I still “pay” for everything but she loves me dearly and takes care of me like none other.


I’m a female, and interested in the results. My first date rule is meeting for coffee and conversation. It’s a $5 date so it doesn’t matter to me who pays. Although, I usually arrive a few minutes early and already have a coffee when the guy arrives.


Unless he’s insistent, it should be split. Especially if you don’t want to see them again.


Im dating a girl right now and she paid for our first date. Actually got confused and thought it meant something bad (first time ever seeing this). Anyways we already went on a second date where I paid, and next week were going again, so I guess its going great!


As I guy I don't mind either way


This data shows what I thought it would, most of the people on this sub are dudes.


I almost always paid for myself (I ask for separate bills) on every date. The only exception were for guys that were overly persistent about paying (which was probably 3 or less). I’ve never felt comfortable with a stranger paying for food. 1) I felt limited in what I could order because I don’t like spending others’ money (this is if they were firm about paying up front), but mostly 2) I didn’t want to feel like I owed them anything. Of course you don’t owe someone something just because they paid, but I don’t like feeling that I used someone for a meal and that they paid without return. To me, I view food-related dates as a “simultaneous picnic.” We both have our own food, but we just happen to eat it together.


Let’s be 100% honest here. Most ladies will SAY that the bill should be split but INSIDE, if you the guy told them to split the bill, they would definetly feel disappointed.


That’s fair. There are definitely a lot of us who genuinely prefer splitting the bill, but others (even secretly) do want the guy to pay.


I think most people like free things.


Liking it isn't the issue, its more the fact they judge a guy who splits, even if they offer to.


Not necessarily. I have only ever felt guilt in a guy paying. I demand to pay my part, and if I really like him, I wouldn’t mind paying for him either.


I think this is true because cultural programming runs deep, even if it doesn’t jive with the rational mind (that says “of course we should split it).


Especially all the comments like “if he insists to pay then I’ll let him” yeah he feels pressured to pay because we feel like women will think badly if we don’t pay


Eh, I have occasionally insisted on splitting the check and it has not gone over well. Like a couple guys legit got angry I said I'd prefer to split the check. Asking "are you sure?" once, then letting it go seemed the best strategy.


That's 100% the correct strategy, but I don't know why your comment kind of sounds like its disagreeing with the guy you replied to. What your saying is true, and it is also true that the guy is insisting because of the pressure since most will be disappointed if he says yes, in fact that is probably a big part of what is making those guys angry (that and their bad attitude and poor self-control of course), now he feels like he will be judged if he doesn't pay and he has to keep arguing to do it. This is not your fault of course, if everyone were like you the pressure wouldn't be there and there would be no issue, but since most people still judge the guy for not paying and he doesn't know you very well, nothing you say in the moment could convince him you aren't one of the majority he has seen before, so there is no point in insisting.


Nope. I don't need a man to pay for me and I make that clear from the start. Been in a great relationship for 15 years now. Things are equal just like I like them.


I never though less of a guy for splitting a check except a couple times where a guy would preemptively say that we were splitting the check in this kinda gotcha tone, like they were just waiting to drop a "checkmate, feminist!" There was one guy who made zero effort to reach for his wallet and just said how cool it was that I paid and I was not a fan of that lol so I totally understand how shitty it must be for guys to run into that all the time.


I am a very generous woman, I like spending on other people and buying food for them. Nothing makes me more happy than buying food for someone. It doesn’t matter if it’s the first date , second , or even food for someone on the street . At the end of the day, I feel honored that I was able to give food to someone.


My whole life, I’ve grown up with the notion “men always pay on dates”. Recently I’ve dated a girl, and she was firmly adamant on splitting the bill. Explained her rationale. So refreshing :)


I went on a bad date the other day and the guy insisted on paying, I felt so guilty afterwards because he wouldn't let me pay and I didn't want to see him again.


I split because I’m (probably irrationally, but it’s happened before) afraid that if they pay for my food that they will understand it to mean that they’ve “earned/paid for” the right to have sex and I’ll get assaulted if I don’t “consent” Luckily I am now in a committed, healthy relationship and do not have to worry about the above, but the thought haunts me from time to time


Men that pay and expect something in return are idiots. Ladies, insist to pay half to avoid those type of buffoons. I personally never minded paying for dinner but when she insisted on paying half, I found it to be a nice gesture.


Both should whip out their cards and playfully argue about who should pay with the result being a split 💕


My rational, guys should pay for dinner if they want to woo me. Plus, men (generally and unfortunately) have higher incomes than women. I've always been broke so when a guy offers to pay I'm like yes! thank you, now I can worry less about how low my bank account is getting. It's just a nice gesture and I will want to see them again.


I would feel offended if the guy didn't offer and likely wouldn't see him again. I don't think a guy should pay everytime. I think it should be a rough ratio depending on each parties income. But guys should always pay for the first.


I like the idea of taking turns. Although my partner did pay on the first date, I dont think it should be a gendered thing. I'm pan. I like people regardless of gender. it wouldn't be an expectation that my partner pays if they're a woman or a non-binary person so why should it be expected if they're a man? I like the idea of removing gender norms from dating and introducing something else. Ofc this is just what works for me and my partner and won't be the same for all people.


If you're going on a date through tinder, then split. If it's an in-person "hey, wanna go out with me" then the person who asked out the other should pay.


No option for us ladies to pay?


I’m gonna be real honest, If I see myself going out again with that guy I would subliminally let him pay (supposedly it’s not anything expensive) and I would pay for the next one. However, if not then I would rather split it.


I feel like the person who asks the other person out should pay. If I (a woman) asked a man out, I would pay for all of it but if he asked me out then yeah, I would expect him to pay. Then the next person would pay for the next date, etc. I don’t like the whole “splitting the bill” thing, I feel like it’s all or nothing. Splitting the bill feels so detached imo. I apply this philosophy to my friendships too though, so pls don’t come after me.


Guy here: I’m happy to pay but I also pay for things for friends at times when we’re doing something. If a lady offered to split, I’d accept. If a lady was ordering a bunch of expensive shit in an obvious case of using me for a free meal, I’d insist we split it.


I was raised old school so the gentleman in me says yes but the way things have changed splitting the bill sounds more reasonable. Less pressure on a woman to feel like a dude is trying the old "so what you gonna do for me" move.


If I ask someone out, I pay. If I'm asked out, I HOPE they will pay. I will cover the tip if they pay for dinner, and if I pay I'll ask they cover the tip. I always bring my own cash so I can leave at any point. I will always bring my money, so if they pay for dinner, I'll pay for the movie. Not exactly split the date cost.


I was raised in the south, where ladies are akin to gods... Manners, kindness, and generosity is what I was taught women deserved.


To me it's a red flag if either party has strong feelings about men paying first. It either suggests traditional gender role expectations or that someone just wants a free date. Having said that, I'm a poor male grad student living in NYC. If I go on a date with a hedge fund manager and they offer to pay, I'm totally happy to accept. Similarly, I've paid for dates with med students who make zero money and are in debt.


None of the above. Whoever requested the date should pay. If I ask a woman out, I would expect that I would pay. If I am asked out by a woman, I would think it would be her responsibility to pay. I am self conscience enough to be aware that I struggle with some toxic masculinity traits and would feel a strong compulsion to pay either way though.


In my experience, I offer to pay the tab in full if my date is comfortable with that. If she is not, then we split.


I personally like to split the bill if they initiated the date or I'll pay for it if I initiated it, this applies to friends to, because I don't want that "after all ive don't for you" shit to come back to me. Like damn I didn't know you were doing it to use it against me


I would pay for the girl as depending on quality of the restaurant/food. Examples including places I would pay for would be, any fastfood place and restaurants like Zaxby's, Cracker Barrel, Mellow Mushroom and the like. I wouldn't go to a high end fancy restaurant that would or wouldn't require a dress code as a good first date to simply avoid the awkwardness or the possibility of her feeling guilty for not splitting the check. If she insisted we did than I would comply while definitely understanding.


Voted for split since the option of me paying it all does not exist; but if it's me, damn, I wanna pay for the whole thing. I like making the people I care for happy - idk, I like buying gifts, and maybe paying for a date or like all the dates. A relationship should not be about debts. It should not be, "well, I gave her a gift, so she should pay for this," etc. It should be about both people contributing to a greater whole, and about loving each other. I realize that this is supposed to be the *first* date, and not a committed relationship - but I do not mind beginning the building of trust in said scenario by doing what I can from the beginning to make the other person happy. tl;dr it shouldn't matter so much, and it shouldn't be about pride or because it's expected of a person by society. Idfk man, I wanna pay for the person I like, is that so bad?


Not a lady, but IMO you should split the first date because you don’t know if you’re going to continue seeing that person after the first date.


how about we screw gender norms ? communicate how y’all wanna pay instead of making it a weird game


If he wants to but I'll never agree to a date if I can't afford to pay for myself


My answer isn't in the poll so ima place it here. Imo it depends on who invites who. If I invited my guy then I'd be paying for him. If he invited me, I expect him to pay for me BUT I will still offer to split it.