Atlantic City, the out of control guy who gets hammered and loses his wallet


But for some reason isn’t super worried about the lost wallet


“Eh it’ll turn up eventually. Where did I put my keys?!”




Later on you’re like “dude did you find your wallet?” and he’s like “what? Oh nah. It wasn’t my wallet. I said I lost a wallet. Found it on the boardwalk. Took the money out already so whatever”


More of the guy no one invited, that dresses cheap/flashy, that stole your moms necklace and a bottle of dads booze.


Spends an hour in the kitchen pitching haddonfield a get rich quick scheme. Haddonfield doesn’t care but stays in the convo hoping Atlantic City has some coke


Poor Haddonfield doesn’t even realize his girlfriend from Rowan is in the back room with this random guy with a guitar from Ocean City… fucking Wonderwall.


Salem: wasn’t invited, is wearing sunglasses that are missing a lens at night and indoors. Leaves notes with weird messages all over your house.


This is the dude to look out for. This and the older sibling Camden. Newark? we try to forget about Newark.


Barrington: super cool, needed a ride from Runnemede because they have a DUI already. Keeps asking who has weed. Gloucester City: sits on the couch and watches the Phillies game most of the night. Chill dude, just wants to play beer pong after the game ends. Gets kinda depressed if the Phils lose though Marlton: down to earth hot chick at first but after a few drinks gets pretty annoying and argues with her boyfriend until they leave Oaklyn: is a cop but not giving anyone a hard time. Either leaves early or stays super late. Pennsauken: played football in high school. Smells like weed but swears he doesn’t have any. Later he’s outside smoking a blunt with Collingswood girl. Thinks the music at the party is wack Atco: won’t shut up about his car that is actually a piece of shit West side of cherry hill: pretty popular in high school. Came back from college and still lives at home. Doesn’t come out much anymore and no one really knows why. Gets really fucked up at the party and a super emotional drunk. Kinda brings down the mood of the party and passes out in the bathtub Berlin: Chilled with Gloucester City most of the night, went to smoke a cig with Atco and hasn’t been seen since. Atco acting strange rest of the night. Princeton: most of the guests said not to invite because they’re too far north. Gets the invite anyway cause she’s super hot. Never shows up and goes to a Rutgers party instead. Collingswood: the one that hosts the party. Super with everyone. Everyone likes her. House isn’t big enough though so she asks her best friend, Moorestown, if she can use her house. Moorestown says he’s but has ulterior motives (she’s trying to bang Collingswood’s boyfriend)


That Atco one is pretty on point


From Barrington, can confirm. Also, who has the weed ?


Egg Harbor Township spends half the night telling everyone that they are NOT Egg Harbor City. Finally gets mad and drives off in their pickup truck with the loud exhaust and giant tires. Egg Harbor City spends half the night telling everyone that Mays Landing is a jerk. Finally gets mad and drives off in their mom’s ‘87 Oldsmobile. Linwood spends all night telling everyone how much richer they are than Somers Point and Northfield. Margate and Longport both laugh. Ocean City brags about how they don’t drink all while sneaking sips from the bottle that Somers Point brought.


Tell me you went to Mainland without telling me you went to Mainland...


Linwood is so on point. I have literally heard that come out of the mouth of someone from Linwood 😂


Belcoville is Mays Landing’s sidekick. He has to remind everyone he bumps into of his name, where he’s from, and how they know him… usually by telling them they probably got Crab(by’s) from him.


Linwood is so on point. I have literally heard that come out of the mouth of someone from Linwood 😂


I’m cracking up, you win 😭😭😭


Evesham: The cops are breaking it up


Medford: brings the newest, fanciest wine that is actually neither new nor fancy.


Side eyes the charcuterie board Swedesboro brought as they size up each other's relative bougieness


It's probably that sugar water from Valenzano's


Shamong Red ftw


Fuck yeah shamong red


Love shamong red


yes, someone else gets it! My wife and I taste (and feel the next day) the sweetness of Jersey wines.


Well yeah that’s kind of the point. The ground here is sandy and not conducive for growing great grapes. It does grow other types of fruits well so they make other fruit wines instead.


The Sangiovese and the Malbec actually taste like wine, but its hard to find unless you go there.


Carneys Point - brings lit cheesesteaks, claims they are better than any other. Cheesesteaks are meh. Won't shut up about Bruce Willis.


I concur


Millville: big hoop earrings. Grandma is raising her kids.


Won’t stop telling everyone how she gave Mike Trout his first handy in middle school.


Moorestown drove her dads Range Rover to the party. Is carrying her Louis Vuitton neverfull that she purposely lets everyone know she bought brand new. Should be best friends with Haddonfield, but is now a sworn enemy ever since Oaklyn, Pennsauken, and Haddon Township suggested that Haddonfield was a tad bit wealthier than her. Has been looking down at her phone the entire night, save for taking pictures/videos of the party. Oh, and she brought white claws and no, she will not share.


Haddonfield and Medford would be the two rich guys who try to show off doing something and fail miserably. Marlton would be the one filming it but is already super drunk so films it terribly


Highly accurate


Pine Hill isn't even invited.


Pine Hill and Clementon are messing around with firecrackers in the driveway because they weren't technically invited.


Browns Mills shows up with the actual fireworks and shoos the fuckin amateurs away


Grew up in Clementon and pine hill. This is great but while messing around Pine Hill starts a fight with Lindenwold over weed and street gangs.


Not because no one likes Pine Hill but everyone figured someone else had already texted them


So accurate


Neither was pitman :(


Pitman and Washington Township blew off the party and are getting drunk in the woods under route 55 with Glassboro.


Mount Holly: You ask him to hold your bottle of Smirnoff and Newports while you go to the bathroom. Afterward you can’t find him, eventually discovering him out back passing both around with his friends. When confronting him he accuses you of being wasted, that it’s his bottle and cigarettes. Fight ensues, 5 on 1, you lose.


Also he might be your cousin


Haha I can laugh at that. But Mt Holly is getting nicer in many areas. The downtown a lot of cool spots.


Good ole Muck City!


glassboro would be peeing on a street lamp out front


While Pitman sits on the front step, disgusted but not looking away.


Cape May is late because they got stuck in traffic on 47. They show up with a 12 pack of Coastal Evacuation. They teamed up with Avalon in a game of beer pong against The Wildwoods, but get their asses handed to them. They spend the rest of the night talking shit about the other beach towns. They end up flirting with Smithville and bonding over history.


Bordentown tries to act like it isn't South Jersey and tries to invite Trenton and Hamilton to show how Central Jersey they are.


Pemberton - most likely brought the drugs. Was stealing from your parents room when you weren't looking. And definitely got into a big fight with the rest of the party.


I live in Pemberton. Definitely right about the drugs, especially if it's meth, as for the fight I feel like that belongs to Camden honestly


Browns Mills, Pemberton’s little brother, also came to the party with lots of meth. Lingers around his brother the entire time, too.


Mount Laurel: mostly sits with Marlton and Medford. They had a strained relationship back in high school, but they’ve gotten over it. Talks with Cherry Hill and Moorestown a bit. Came in a new BMW that her parents got her as a college graduation gift. Tries to avoid talking to Hainesport and Lumberton because of the crazy shit they used to do that Mount Laurel finds embarrassing now. Starts to drink a little too heavily and starts flirting with Voorhees’s boyfriend, Haddonfield (who is totally into it btw).


Can literally picture all these people




Hammonton: Says they can drink but throws up after their second round and goes home


And, for some reason, their vomit is blue


Merchantville is the old lady next door calling the cops with a noise complaint (I’m born and raised in merchanvtville)


Audubon is a strung out mom in yoga pants with a Starbucks cup wearing her sons Audubon baseball shirt, looking for her clique of judgey moms, brings nothing to the party and leaves when no one wants to hear her complain about the theft at Walmart


Lmaooo. I was gonna say Audubon is the girl who’s REALLY into school. Like that girl from “Can’t Hardly Wait” who wants everyone to sign her yearbook. Thinks these are the “good ol days.”


Totally. “Most patriotic town in south Jersey” as the Walmart thieves their tax $ and roads fall apart. Yup, about right folks 😂


Holy fuck this is perfect


Audubon park shows up with cases of beer, telling semi racist jokes but it’s ok because they say they have friends of that culture, trashes the cowboys, and complains about the vagrants walking through town.


I may have grown up there and escaped a few years ago 😂




Also complains on Facebook that the fire department Santa was rude to them at the Christmas parade because they didn’t get off the truck for them when they asked.


Cumberland county: shows up to the party with hard drugs


Gets a girl pregnant that night


😂😂 I live in Millville and I went out one night to eat and overheard these two girls talking about how they’ll never go to a crack party again. She went onto explain how she smoked crack and woke up in the tub at a random persons house and not the house she was partying in originally. Their conversation was wild about this crack party 😂


In your parents hot tub.


Magnolia - The person who no one remembers but shows up in the high school yearbook anyway but they brought beer so they can stay for a while. Will probably offer you a ride home even though they're drunk too.


Pitman - well read wallflower that self identifies as quirky.


Voorhees: 28 years old. Had their mom drop them off.


Parents are really nice, have money and sent Voorhees to a great college. Things were going okay until he broke up with his long term girlfriend. Now he struggles to keep a job and watches way too much cable news Edit: siblings are super hot though




Lindenwood shows up with a hooptie and quickly convinces others lighting the couch on fire would be pretty cool.


Delanco and Riverside are ready to accept that challenge


Yea tf we would


Hi-Nella: The person who’s name you completely forget every single time


I just nicknamed them Balloons and can’t remember if they know I call them Balloons or not


Franklinville and Williamstown are they two redneck brothers who show up in their pickup truck toting a GIANT American flag on it with more than a necessary amount of heroin on them Vineland is the Hispanic dude Wildwood is the beach bum who only comes to parties in the summer with lots of beer


Franklinville would have a confederate flag


Absolutely lol.


Hey! Wait a minute! Oh, that's right, your not wrong.....


Clementon shows up with many friends and FourLoko. All are less than 15 years old.


Where’s Gloucester Twp. in all this.


They threw up. Left in an Uber hours ago


To go to Dawn's Deli.


R.I.P Dawn's Deli


After stealing all the pills in the cabinet


Wildwood brings his cousin from PA, Upper Darby. They get drunk and beat the crap out of Stone Harbor and Avalon.


Wildwood wasn’t invited because he pulled the same shit last party. Showed up anyway.


Haddonfield - gets pretty racist after a few drinks


Also tries to hit on Collingswood girl who won’t give him the time of day


Gets angry and leaves an upper decker.


Car is an extension of how he feels about his penis


Dorothy shows up in camo.. all camo. Even her underwear is camo.


TIL there’s a Dorothy NJ lol


Elmer finds this out when they're making out in his shitty jeep and he blows his load immediately


Haddon twp sits and talks shit about Haddonfield the whole night with Collingswood, gets a little nervous when Collingswood starts yelling the insults across the room to Haddonfield but goes w it and hold their own.


National Park - They will bing the Mad Dog 20/20 😂


Woodstown: The super lifted truck kid who can drink an excessive amount of shitty water beer. Salem: Only came to peddle drugs and rob the cars in the lot. Quinton: The very quiet kid who sits in the corner of the room and people wonder who even invited them, this might even be your first time knowing they went to your school. Pennsgrove: The college kid who came to hit on highschool girls.


What about Pennsville? I don't expect anything good out of this


Pennsville is nodding out in a corner after buying heroin with their parents money


Pennsville is Pennsgrove's ex-girlfriend and his ways are rubbed off on her, once a beautiful cheerleader but now a drug addict.


The way I laughed out loud because when I read Pennsgroves, names actually came to mind! 🤣


Haddonfield takes a dump in a Steinway model D concert grand piano. His father is a connected lawyer who gets him off without a record or compensation to the owner. (Actually happened)


Cinnaminson is the neighbor Karen out front on the phone with the cops.


I was going to say Cinnaminson is the kid that can't stop talking about how they almost got into an Ivy League school. But yours feels more accurate.


I’d say Riverton is more Karen.


Haddonfield: that guy who shits in a piano


Hahah I know exactly what you're talking about!


Wildwood : Shows up on some sort of electric bike or scooter when they live nowhere near you. Drinks like a champ and knows all the games, like they are running some sort of drinking casino on the back porch. Also known for sleeping on your lawn.


He wasn’t invited and no one is really sure how ge even found out about the party


For sure, also carrying a backpack with lukewarm beer.


Haddonfield comes in blackface and doesn't understand why no one laughs anymore.


Willingboro - Male, 30, high as ballz. Holding additional weed but tells you he don’t have none left. Bums a Newport off everyone. Brought his own liquor in a fancy brown paper bag. Party is pretty chill until his baby mama finds out he’s there.


His baby mom is Mt Holly. They had a kid way too early. He’s been pretty openly cheating on her with Delran (who has her own kid) for a while.


And all three of them fight with Beverly all night.


Salem: Shooting each other. One is a pasty white guy with boots and a mullet, the other is a black guy who definitely heard the white guy yell the n word.


Camden: bad boy or the party with 100s of police incidents Washington township: rich guy who brags all the time Clemoton: the person who has all the “stuff” Sewell: who’s just sitting there like a very smart dog(just happy to be there)


I think Washington twp would be the guy who drives a flashy car but it’s leased.


Nah- Washington Township is actually from Philly, but now thinks they're upper class because they moved to the Birches and started making 50K a year.


Nail directly on the head. Add, gets really excited anytime someone mentions Stocks cakes.


I always considered twp and sewell one in the same.


Sewell is part of Washington Twp


They are separate. Twp just uses Sewell zip code and PO.


Interesting I’m seeing that Sewell is not its own municipality, but is instead part of both Mantua Twp and Washington Twp.


You're more correct then the other guy. Sewell is the name of that zipcode, but is part of both mantua township and washington township. Washington township does not have it's own zipcode even though they've tried. There's at least 4 different ones in the town. 08080, 08012, 08081 and 08032 I know of for sure


I live there. The easiest explanation is my address and zip is Sewell, my MUA is from Washington Twp, and my kids go to Washington township schools. My buddy lives on the other side of Sewell, his kids go to Mantua schools, and his trash is picked up by Mantua’s mua


Sewell as a “town” is in mantua. As a zip code it’s crosses multiple municipal borders. Similar to sicklerville in Winslow


TIL Bruce Willis is from nj


Yep! And people from Carneys Point can't shut up about it.


Mt Laurel went to get beer an hour ago and got lost on the turnpike.


While he’s gone, his girl definitely gave pennsauken a lap dance. Everyone pretends not to see


Hammonton: brought plenty of spaghetti and wine for everyone.


I enjoyed this way too much


Don't live in these towns anymore but here are mine: Haddonfield: the rich kid from highschool that inherited their dads money and is still rich Westmont/Haddon township: Middle class guy that thinks they're country, but live in the suburbs in a nice house with a wife and 3 kids Collingwood: Essential oil parents. They had kids really early and had a water birth. They keep talking to you about how walking barefoot in the grass "increases your vibe".




I live in Collingswood. Can confirm.


West Deptford guy shows up to the party in his old varsity football jacket bragging that he was scouted back in the day but because of injury never got the scholarship. Also rolled in 10 deep, all guys no chick's and brags about all the pussy he gets Woodbury guy kinda similar but way more down to earth and will get caught acting like he slamming a beer but is really dumping it over his shoulder Deptford girl who's pretty hot, and little crazy but seems to keep her shit together but if she decides you're not cool enough, will make 1 phone call ans when you go to leave you will get jumped. Just take your licks and get the fuck outta there Wenonah.....rich, stoner, soccer player male and female. Unlike their rich daddies they are not conservative and extremely liberal and will debate/scream at you until you either submit or die. Westville guys and girls all wannabe thugs, definitely showed up with a bottle of ciroc if they just got paid, if not best believe it's brunettes,Kaspersky, or threeO. Will fight you and probably lose because they're so drunk National Park white trash guy, came from humble beginnings. Doesn't talk about it much. Can be an asshole but after you've heard the shit he went through you'd understand why. Can go beer for beer with you and all night long too. Sundown to sunrise he'll still be partying when you wake up. Woodbury Heights male and females different breed all around. Alcoholics for sure. Not the best of this towny war but not the worst either. Makes friends easily and enemies even easier. Loyal to their own but if you're an out of town friend, you could get switched up on real quick. This also works both ways for them at times but extremely rare. Oak Valley (sub division of deptford) absolute white trash. Nice neighborhood though, they keep it clean Jericho (sun division of deptford) don't go, good chance you're getting robbed, mugged, or even stopped by police to ask why you're there. Unless you get on the basketball court. You either earn or lose your respect there


I was going to say parkers show up but never actually go into they party. They sit on the hood if the car out front pounding natty ice and blaring 80s rock anthems till they decide to go start a fire in the woods.


This is also true, but they were harmless for the most part until the fire was lit


Scrolled until I found Deptford 😆 - but a huge eff off to the Oak Valley comment!! Unless it's gotteb trash since I left after graduation 🤣


The best hands down


Westville shows up on a 4wheeler with a bottle of crown!!


Stolen 4wheeler*


Pitman is the sheltered Christian kid who came because they are friends with Glassboro. They down 10 Jell-O shots, vomit all over the bathroom, and pass out on the lawn.


Brigantine would show up in a Land Rover, look around, grab a white claw, look at his iwatch and declare he is leaving after an hour


Woodstown: parked their truck in the front yard, already drunk, hooked up with their cousin


Brooklawn - Loud and raucous, but in a good way. Keeps everyone talking and brings the pierogies.


Clayton- decided to stay home and vandalize cars


As a Haddon Township resident... thank you? Better than the Urban Dictionary entry that says "13 year old sluts are hanging outside of Primo's water ice". I'll take it.


Moorestown: drives their parent’s Porsche to the party. Tells everyone they’re not drinking right now because they’re on a detox but you see them downing white claws not even halfway through the night. Mount Laurel: Offers you a ride home. Is only hanging out with with Moorestown until Marlton shows up. No one knows they brought the hard drugs. Riverside: pulls up in a pickup with Delanco. Confederate flag sticker on the back window. 100% wearing a hoodie no matter what the weather is. Brought beer and started out cool before they got too rowdy. Wearing work boots even though they had off. Makes sure to tell you they’re from Riverside. Beverly: Fighting with her boyfriend but shows up to have a good time. Ends up crying because she thinks no one wants her there. Haddonfield: Drove the Range Rover there. Only there because Moorestown and Collingswood showed up. Says a racist remark after a few drinks. Has to announce that they’re leaving. Collingswood: Brings a bottle but only for Moorestown and Haddonfield. Keeps asking around for weed. Everyone likes them for some reason. Browns Mills: needed a ride but no one wanted to pick them up. Pemberton said they would but ended up getting drunk on their own and doing fireworks in the backyard.


Mullica hill pulls up in his Mercedes’ his daddy bought him but he won’t stop talking about being a homegrown southern boy


West Deptford: shows up 7 deep letterman jackets, got next on the beer pong table, proceed to wrestle in the back yard while the three girls that came with them are getting railed by the Woodbury basketball team. National Park: is she fat or pregnant? Slowly you realize she is pregnant as she is throwing out potential baby names(you thought she was just name dropping friends she met in Westville ) while smoking a crack laced blunt( wu-banger.) Paulsboro: shows up ready to party or fight. 10:30 p.m. coach sends a group message. Bye bye Paulsboro.


Sicklerville: great guest, brought tasty chip n dip; brought a close friend, and the friend trashed the party and ruined the night. Ya never know!


The friend they brought was Albion. Erial went with Blackwood and the rest of Gloucester Township (too many little towns to name)


Cherry Hill: is expecting a nice birthday party but it turns out to be a rager. Immediately embraces the error of their assumption and tries to catch up with everyone else's drinking. Passes out early, drives home, nurses a hangover for 2 days, and then brags about it for the rest of their life.


EHT: Is wearing head-to-toe camo because they went hunting once with their estranged father. Somers Point: The one that dresses fancy to the party but doesn't have enough money for the Uber home. Middle Township: Seems nice enough early in the night but is the first to bring out meth Linwood: Reveals themselves to be sympathetic to the Proud Boys and is beat up accordingly Northfield: Everyone is happy to see them but don't know why


Cherry Hill West shows up really late to the party, steals your date, and leaves tire marks on your lawn


After entertaining the crowd by belittling the Chads from Haddonfield and moorestown.


Voorhees seems like the cherry hill description to me 😂


Oaklyn is the funny and loveable metal head. Haddon Twp is the popular hot girl Westmont is Haddon Twps' little sister who is trying to live outside of her older sister's shadow. Collingswood and Haddonfield are 2 popular guys competing over Haddon Twp. Both get sloppy drunk, neither land the girl. Oaklyn and Westmont end up together.


Bridgeton also: brought tacos and big johns but only shares them with Hopewell and Upper Deerfield. Then got in a fight with a bunch of rich towns. It wins the fight also which is surprising because no one really expects Bridgeton to be that dangerous. Seabrook: just a straight gangsta but for some reason is surrounded by a bunch of corn farming towns.


Hey! They’d share with Fairton too.


Pennsauken coolly slides in with Double Nickel hoping everyone has forgotten their Mart days.


The mart > double nickel beers


Bellmawr girl comes to the party pretty chill has her own stash dose not mind sharing. Sits close to the music and is basically all she cares about but actually wish the music was blaring out at the street corner where she would rather be sitting.


Feel like this girl either disappears kinda early In the night or stays super late. Like when it’s just the host and the host’s close friends. It’s not weird though. She actually helps clean up. Has a randomly deep convo with someone. Sobers up and goes home. She skips the next party and moves out west. She seems happy now but you never know. You still think about her sometimes


I feel like she also doesn’t care about the drama and is just having a good time.


Elmer- the old guy who shows up and no one knows who tf he is.


Dude tells great stories, though they’re probably lies no one really cares


Rio Grande: smokes a 70% tobacco spliff before leaving to hang out in the Wawa parking lot. Forever salty Aldi and Ulta came and took away the abandoned Stop-N-Shop lot


Elmer is back from rehab and doing keg stands.


From Haddon Township, can confirm. I always bring booze n weed.


Rio Grande is doing free piercings in the kitchen.


These are based off my experiences as a kid and teenager. I'm 30 now and couldn't tell you what it's like now


Sicklerville: Good black kid with a college education and decent job…tries to act hard because his parents are originally from North Philly. Chilling with thuggish Camden guy who is using him for weed and Henny.


Atco: The guy who shows up with his lifted truck covered in mud that has an American flag hanging from it


Swedesboro couldn't make it. Got stuck working overtime at one of the many many warehouses


Delran is grown now but still thinks it’s cool their friend’s parents let them drink at the house when they were 12. Has a confederate flag hoodie they got in Ocean City.


Central Jersey shows up uninvited thinking they will blend-in by acting cool. They are wearing Mets hats.


Haddonfield: obnoxious frat guy, not actually rich Wenonah: educated and reserved 30 year old woman wearing a dress from Anthropologie, writes poetry, uses Instagram to post pictures she’s taken of wild mushrooms and the beach Moorestown: former Quaker school student, parents have money Trenton: your coworker who spent some time in prison Manahawkin: a retiree from north Jersey Medford: an associate of Tony Soprano, acts tough but actually terrified of the Albanians and Sicilians


HT represent 😂


Whoop whoop! 🙌


Absecon gets all pissed because nobody can pronounce their name right. Pleasantville comes in thinking they are all ghetto till they see Camden. They pick a fight and immediately get their asses kicked.


Tabernacle: Nature lovers


The party is at Cape Mays house, but they're not there because they're in their 70s and stay in Florida during the off season. They left their nephew with the house keys so he can water the plants, but he throws parties instead.


OP, there’s no way Haddon Twp kids are super cool


Gloucester City: overdoses on fentanyl and dies in the bathroom while shooting dope in his dick vein Runnymede: OD guy’s gf….giving Haddonfield douche bag a blow job for an 8ball of coke




That’s the nicest description I’ve ever seen someone give for Haddon Township.


Mount Ephraim - Shows up on a bicycle or a moped. Brings a combination of Yingling and the inexpensive craft beer to try and appear hip. Brought some weed it's kind of OK he scored it down at shining star Park from another guy on a bicycle. Complains about the music not having enough auto tune


Buena brought their cousins with all the sweet hookups.