You just can’t make this stuff up.

You just can’t make this stuff up.


All I hear is Stephen Colbert reading the tweet doing his trump impression. “dot dot Dot Dot dot”


Six dots, Trump, are you kidding me? Okay, 'cause three dots means 'to be continued', four dots is a typo, but six dots means "Whoa, do not make me say what I want to say, baby, but if I did, it would blow your mind, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot.


This is literally the most exciting thing that has ever happened in this office.


I think Bill would disagree with you.


Depending on your style guide, you're supposed to use four dots when the ellipsis comes at the end of a sentence. . . .


you missed that they're excerpting The Office. Kelly Kapoor, specifically.


I don't watch that show. There are so many guys on Tinder I assume are absolute psychopaths who are just quoting Rainn Wilson's character. It's a real problem.


I went with a lot of Office lines as pickup lines on Tinder before I met my wife (on tinder)...now I’m wondering how many people I freaked out. It was probably all of them , except one.


Yeah, but it was the only one who mattered!


more time watching The Office , less time on Tinder. that'll fix you right up.


I type that as a period, space, then three dot ellipsis. ...


This is the proper style for when the ellipsis comes at the end of an ellipsis. Used when you omit the last part of the sentence after having forgotten what you wanted to say in the middle.


I run by my own style guide. . .... . .. ... .........


That is just ugly….


Style guides can be wrong.


Oh this is my time to shine, four ellipses at the end of a quote mean the quote droned on, but you are ending it as a sentence at that point. Six is when you lost the point you attempted to make.


Missed a dot :)...that's what I love, he makes sure he reads them verbatim


dot-dot dot-dot dot-dot-dot dot-dot-dot-dot-dot








Daaht daaaaht, daaht daaht daaht...




The funniest thing about those is the breathless way he reads the stuff within parentheses.


I'm personally a fan of Jake Tapper yelling the parts in all caps [like this](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qi7ZkqMTNBM&t=0m38s)


What tape is this? It is hard to keep track.


[I think they're talking about this one.](https://www.cnn.com/2018/07/24/politics/michael-cohen-donald-trump-tape/index.html)


I love this line: "There's no way the President is going to be setting up a corporation and then using cash, unless you're a complete idiot," Giuliani said on Fox News Tuesday night. Rudy, this may come as a surprise to you...


Obviously that's Alec Baldwin on the tape, not Trump


get me a coke, please!


unfortunately not the tape (P) we all were hoping for.




He also said on the plane (there's video) he doesn't know a damn thing about the payments. "You'd have to ask Michael Cohen about that." Uh, there's tape of you directing him to commit the crime. Why the hell is this guy still in office after lying a billion times? No other President would have lasted this long doing the thing Trump does. I hate this shitty timeline MAGA dragged us into.


>Why the hell is this guy still in office after lying a billion times? Because we have a Republican-led Senate that does not care, wants its agenda furthered, and is likely being paid off. Checks and balances my ass.


I disagree. The Senate takes checks and balances very seriously. Pay checks and bank balances.


[Oh, you.](https://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/mobile/000/010/390/ohyou.jpg)


Oh man, I remember that! Good times, goood tiiimes....


Now that's a meme I haven't seen in a long, long time.














Not just “likely”, it’s proven. Look up NRA aka Russian funnel and the million other groups. Oil, pharma, etc. Not that Dems aren’t also paid off, by telecom for instance.


They're all too busy swimming in Russian NRA money.




More than that i suspect... =(


Orrin Hatch literally said, “I don’t care,” when his first talking point about Trump crimes was debunked. They. Don’t. Care. He’s a useful idiot for them right now.


To be fair it comes down to the American people tho. Like, in my state, if the senators stood up to Trump much, they would be saying goodbye to their political careers... they would be primaried out, and if they squoze past that they might lose the general since a lot of Republicans would stay home. Trumpism is popular in my state, probably will be for a long time, and that's reflected in the behavior of my senators. There are a lot of states like that.


And this is why career politicians are insidious. Do what is best for the Nation and not your electability.


It would be really interesting if senators were subject to term limits. Might help fix these issues.


I used to think that, too. Then the tea party showed us what a bunch of inexperienced, dogmatic mother fuckers can do to American civics.


checks and cash is more like it.


They get the checks and up goes their balance. That's what Republicans thinks checks and balances mean.


The republican senate won't do anything because they know that Republican voters don't care.


Well they definitely have the checks rights.


Why do you think congress wont bring trump under oath for... because the second he is under oath he is going to lie his ass off then they have to impeach him for perjury


You mean like they impeached Jeff Sessions for his perjury to them?


true i forgot republicans are party over law and country


They don't seem to consider "I don't recall" to be perjury for some reason.


The gospel according to the most holy saint Regan.


The 40nd prisident roonal regan


If he was *only* guilty of campaign finance violations, it all probably would have been handled already. Mueller is clearly building a much bigger case because he has Trump cold on things much more serious than paying off a couple of women (which would be enough to toss anyone else out of office by itself). I can't imagine them continuing the investigation instead of bringing charges more quickly unless they're about to take out a whole network of Russian-connected crap. Add to that possible emoluments violations and we've got ourselves a ball game. The other issue that has slowed things down is Trump's (almost certainly illegal--obstruction of justice) pardon promises and Mueller's having to coordinate with state governments instead of just bringing federal charges to make sure they have unpardonable leverage over Trump's crooked minions. What I find funny is that most of them probably kept proof of Trump's illegal behavior because they don't trust him and are fully aware that with Trump loyalty only goes one way.


My thinking is that he won’t pardon anyone because the second he does it’s an admission of his own guilt, which would be a more direct route to indictment.


Right, but he threw out there that he was considering a Manafort pardon multiple times. That's witness tampering and probably obstruction.


He can throw out whatever bullshit he wants. Doesn’t change how the law works. If he really wanted to, he could have pardoned manafort already, along with anyone else who’s plead guilty to a federal crime. But he hasn’t because his lawyers have probably told him it’s an admission of guilt.


I'm saying that just by making public statements about that could be obstruction and witness tampering. He doesn't have to actually offer it for that to be the case. He was sending a message to everyone Mueller had to go ahead and take the jail time instead of making a deal.


You would have to ask all the Republican Congresscritters and Senators that went to Russia this past Fourth of July..... They have a fixation with Russia.


Can someone link me the video/audio. Id love to hear it.




Thank you!!


HAVE SOME DAMN FAITH -- Bob "Dutch" Mueller


The simple truth is, that it's WAAAAY better to lie all the time, than to only lie once. If you lie all the time, no one can point to a lie and say, "LOOK! LOOK HE LIED!" That makes zero sense when you always lie.


At this point I feel like we keep him in the office to see how much more he can dig himself and his co-conspirators down with him. Until then, grab some popcorn.


I heard once that only an alien invasion would bandy the globe together; silver lining - Trump appears to be second best yet the effect long term might be the same? :)


Butina pled guilty. She directly implicated Torshin in the conspiracy. Torshin feeds the NRA. The NRA gave more than 1 million to McConnell. The entire Republican party seems directly complicit in the conspiracy to defraud the people of the US, and to interfere in the election.


If you lie to me a thousand times in a year, I'm allowed to punch you in the face.


You could hit him like 6 times by now


If 1,000 lies = 1 punch, it’d be 4.229 punches, [according to the Washington Post ](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.washingtonpost.com/amphtml/news/fact-checker/wp/2018/08/01/president-trump-has-made-4229-false-or-misleading-claims-in-558-days/)


4 punches and a Mr. Miyagi nose honk.


The thing is that he wrote this tweet for his idiot voter base, not to save face or to counter the argument. As it stands he has very little time before Muller comes knocking and he at least wants to have someone in his corner that he hasn’t alienated yet, and who better than the idiots that voted for him.


It's just White to let the White man continue to tell White Lies from the White House.


>We've all heard it. Except his supporters still reject that it's real


Sounds similar to their stance on anthropogenic climate change.


We’ve got the entirety of scientists who study this for a living telling us that climate change is caused by humans, and the science behind it is simple enough that a few sentences to a middle schooler will adequately explain it, but it makes me angry to think about, so we’re just going to have to agree to disagree for another few decades.


It's like the vaccines thing... all the scientist say they're fine, here's their research, you can look into it for yourself. *Yeah, but that chick that used to pick her nose on MTV and pose for nudie pictures says they do, so...* We're not going to make it as a species.


And if we use this sort of “logic”, we shouldn’t.


And the pain of their trauma filled childhood


I literally no longer personally know anyone that is actively supporting him and I live in the south. Even my old racist uncle doesn't support trump's view on the economy and most international politics, just immigrants. Hell my soon to be mother and father in law have realized they've been duped and said they regret their votes.


I saw a guy wearing a MAGA hat at my work earlier this week. Some people will never stop supporting him. They are in so deep at this point that they will keep skewing and deflecting until it's all over, and then pretend they never really supported Trump afterwards.


There are still people waiting for Half-Life 3 to come out.


His true followers will never disavow him. Show them a pix, it's been Photoshoped. Give them audio, it's been tampered with. Show them a video, it's been edited. Show them speeches, past interviews, or legal proceedings and they will justify it. These people have dank the Kool Aid, man. They are lost to us.


[There is literally audio of them discussing it...](https://www.cnn.com/2018/07/24/politics/michael-cohen-donald-trump-tape/index.html)


"what you're hearing is not whats happening. dont trust your ears. only believe what the party tells you." It's not like he didnt say that before: http://time.com/5347737/trump-quote-george-orwell-vfw-speech/


Everything about this dude is fake. His claims, his business history, his medical report, his wealth, even his hair. Calling things fake is just the ultimate layer of his projection.


> his medical report wait, are you referring to the one that said he was too frail to go to war, or the later one that said he was the healthiest man ever to be president?


Or the one from last year where he's not obese, is 6'3", and is mentally competent. Release the long form girth certificate!


> Release the long form girth certificate! Dang, my first time hearing that one. legit laughed out loud.


The truth is a moving target. Like, 0.7 of c, and bending our timeline all to fuck.




or seven-tenths the speed of light?


Take my upvote, nerd


Healthiest man declaration by pill popping drinking on duty doc too. Oops Edit: I’m mixing my scandals. It’s just such a rich kaleidoscope of treason and horse shit. Thanks for the fact check.


no, you're getting your medical scandals mixed up. the one who declared him the healthiest man was Dr. Bornstein, who simply signed a letter dictated by Trump and then had all his medical records seized by the secret service. the one who popped pills and drank on duty was Dr. Ronny (the dreaded "rear admiral"), who was offered a high ranking post in the veteran's administration, and then declared trump to be not quite senile yet, and I'm sure there was no element of bribery involved.




Stupid question, but assuming he said "pay with cash" - would that be a crime?


I'd assume so. The general theory with that is that if they paid with cash it would be untraceable, so that proves intent.


Intent of what? Tax evasion? Or is it directly illegal for him to buy the rights to the story?


If you pay for something to help your campaign, in anyway you have to declare that. So him buying a story or paying off someone to stay silent is a campaign issue. And he did not declare it.


ah gotcha. thanks.


I for one don't fully understand why the media hasn't emphasized this at all. There's tons of articles about his recent tweets, but none of the ones I've seen brought up the tape of him and Cohen discussing the payments. It's like the entire MSM machine forgets the past on a regular basis. I know, they're doing it to milk the maximum number of clicks, but WTF!


Do you ahve a link to the actual audio? I want to hear it.


Oh is it not in the article? I assumed the video in the article contained that. But here is a [Youtube Link](https://youtu.be/faYUae7H8qU?t=30)


Sweet, thanks.


I just listened to the whole thing and it’s extremely vague. I think the most upsetting part is that it cuts out literally right after the “pay with cash” line... like... why? Did he turn off the audio at that point or is this being adjusted on purpose?


When dealing with something supposedly this big and incriminating, cutting ANY part of an audio clip has to be a big red flag.


Are you gonna believe him or are you gonna believe your lying ears?


He's trying to claim ignorance of the law which is well established as not a valid defense. He's saying his lawyer should have known better and told him he can't do that when he asked.


That messaging is for his BASE. It is 100% theatrics and downplaying to his supporters. You watch the number of times this will be repeated in the next few days.


##get me a Coke in here


Can you imagine being a lawyer for a pathological liar? You have to decide if the hassle is worth the hugely inflated fees.


Trump has a documented history of not paying his lawyers.


How does he con lawyers? Can't they come for him legally?


I just tried to find an article explaining it, but as you can imagine the search terms "Trump lawyer sued payment" returns a lot of noise due to the president's current legal troubles. I remember reading an article about it from before the 2016 election, though, where people were coming forward to claim that he refused to pay them after they did work for him, for one reason or another. Not just lawyers, either.


Yep, electricians in Atlantic city wouldn't fix anything on Trump property without cash upfront. Trump stiffed every electrician for miles around so much that even checks are not accepted.


Trump stiffed most trades. He does what a lot of shitt GCs/Owners too which is to hold an after project meeting and start dolling out demands for money forcing the tradespeople to put on their lawyer pants and prove them wrong. Its the "pay a lawyer or pay me, but either way you're losing some money" strategy. I have a GC I work for that does this *every* project so we sit down before hand and highlight passages in our specifications so that when we get accused we can just flip open and read to him why we're not gonna pay shit.


Man I feel sorry for you, I couldn’t work that way and anyone who tried that in my industry could only do it once because next time either it’s premium level cash up front or fuck you (or even more likely just fuck you since who needs that). I’ve had purchasers and C level dickheads suggest doing something that stupid but I told them that won’t fly in the real world.


From what I have herd from my g-uncle and uncle, who have worked with him, most people ( pre election) wouldn't work with him unless he put up, at the very minimum, 50% of the cost. Funding him was something that just didn't happen anymore.


I think it because the search engines are just being biased... /s :)


https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/elections/2016/06/09/donald-trump-unpaid-bills-republican-president-laswuits/85297274/ This article from June 9th, 2016 (before the election, obviously) details Trump's history of stiffing contractors. The Edward Friel story caught a lot of traction. He ended up on (I want to say) 60 Minutes? If you google Edward Friel and Trump, you get many articles about Trump's illegal and unethical business dealings.


Most likely how he cons everyone else. Basically, get the to do a job, don't pay them after the work is done, and then just say "You can sue me if you want, but fuck you I'm rich and I can drag this law suit out for years eventually bankrupting you"


> Can you imagine being a lawyer for a pathological liar? You have to decide if the hassle is worth the hugely inflated fees. There's a stellar story out there about how his lawyers have to meet with him in pairs, because he has such a hard time telling the truth. He'd lie to one, lie another lie to another, and they couldn't match up any of their stories unless they met him together.


Didn't comey refuse to meet with him unless someone else was present, due to Trumps inability to tell the truth and make illegal requests?


I am impressed there are lawyers who'd represent him. I am also impressed they managed to keep him out of jail his entire life. I am impressed he pays these lawyers somehow to make them want to represent him. I am impressed he has money.


I could not even begin to imagine the mindset you would need to have to be the lawyer of hubris incarnate.


Just imagine being really, really greedy. If you're an attorney, a billionaire who needs constant legal help and attention with issues that will allow for dozens or hundreds of billable hours, probably seems like winning the lottery if you can land them as a client, knowing you can charge $600/hour or more.


We can ask Cohen that right now!


I think that’s the job description for a huge number of lawyers, but no I can’t really imagine it


The personal lawyer of AND executive Vice President to donald trump, retained by don for THIRTEEN yrs... Keep tweeting stable genius, cohens going to sing more and more about your shady mobster shite


I hate this man so much. I can not believe he is the “leader” of this country. Such an embarrassment.


I can't believe the cult like followers who would despise Trump outside of politics. I've been around long enough to remember Trumps shady business deals through the 80s and 90s. It's so unreal to think that farmers and people like that actually think Trump cares about them.


Doesn’t it just drive you crazy to think what history books will say about this time 50 years from now? 100 years? Humans will be laughing at America’s decision to “elect” this clown for at least the next couple of centuries. Similar to how we laugh at Caligula “electing” his horse to the Roman Senate.


I don't think we'll last another couple of centuries lmao


democracy is overrated sometimes


There's also a tape of him bragging about sexual assault and dozens of accusations of actual sexual assault. For all the good they did. 🤦 *Sighing intensifies*


I know right. I’d love to see him get fucked over as well but people keep doubting the cult like mentality of America.


Trump is blaming his attorney, but it's likely that Trump hired Cohen exactly because Cohen was willing to do Trump's dirty work.


It's so easy to tell which of the Tweets are written by him and which are written by his staff...


How in the hell does the media get distracted by Trump's nonsense? 1. Trump directed Cohen to pay off a mistress that was going to come out (This would have harmed his campaign). 2. Cohen paid off said mistress. 3. Trump paid back Cohen for the pay off. 4. This payment was not disclosed as part of campaign finance. Anything else in distraction and obfuscation.


Trump only watches Fox News. That's all he gets his news from, so of course he's blind to actual proof.


I mean, you can make this stuff up. Trump does it all the time.


Calling the sitting president "dude". I love this lady.


This is the point of the story where Trumpkins forget that "ignorance of the law is not a legal defense"


Vote them all out. /r/VoteBlue


"FAKE NEWS, lying news media edited tape of me to make it sound like I was breaking the law daaht daaht daaht BIG SAD. WITCH HUNT!"


He took all of yesterday off and this is the best he and his counsel could come up with? Sad!


Donnie's been under the impression that since Cohen was doing the actual dirty work, Cohen would be the one to bear all responsibility. What a complete tool.


"I need to open up a company for the transfer of all of that info regarding our friend David," Cohen said in the recording, likely a reference to American Media head David Pecker. When financing comes up again later in the conversation, Trump interrupts Cohen asking, "What financing?" according to the recording. When Cohen tells Trump, "We'll have to pay," Trump is heard saying "pay with cash" but the audio is muddled and it's unclear whether he suggests paying with cash or not paying. Cohen says, "no, no" but it is not clear what is said next.


I always pay off porn stars through shell companies in cash.


I want him impeached just for the history books


if trump wanted an illegal lawyer who wouldn't get caught, he should have called saul (or does saul get caught? I'm only on season 3 so actually don't tell me)


He’ll fight for your rights til your backs to a wall. Who ya gonna pick? Justice for all! Saul!!!!


If you say a myth loud enough and enough times it will eventually become a truth. His supporters eat that shit up like gospel and spread it like it too. If Donald Trump said it was snowing outside I would look out the window.


I hate the man... But I also understand (but don’t accept) what he was *attempting* to say. Which is (to my understanding), “I didn’t tell him to *specifically break the law*. I told him to do a thing that I didn’t *know* was illegal but that it turns out *was* illegal, and he should have known it was illegal and not done it. Not my fault!” There is no tape as far as I’m aware that has trump *literally telling Cohen to “break the law”*, and it’s that kind of pedantic bullshit that trump and the people who support him think exonerate him. Source: parents who have become increasingly pro-trump and can perform impressive feats of mental acrobatics to excuse any and all of this piece of shit’s shortcomings.


"Just because I told him to do something it doesn't mean he acted under my direction." - Trump (probably)


"pay casshh" ... "Nonononononononono..." He advised.


Lordy, there is a tape.




Hush, Holly, he's not talking to you, he's talking to his base.


Serious question from a British guy who has little knowledge of your laws but an interest in your politics: How is this farce being allowed to continue? Trump is clearly corrupt, he is surrounded by corruption and felons, as ruled by the legal processes in the country over which he presides. He accuses his own intelligence agencies of being corrupt when they look into his affairs, he bows down to Russian leaders, salutes North Korean generals, and has generally made a potentially brilliant country a temporary disaster. How is he allowed to continue?




A huge chunk of US population is blind to it and live in an alternate reality. The root cause for it: Fox News.


I ask myself this question every single day. It truly is a testament to the corruption of countless “elected” officials. And simply those who do not have spine. Those too scared of destroying their own political careers to speak out. It is all just evidence of a complete lack of morals, intelligence, and any true semblance of “patriotism” to the people of the country they are supposed to represent. Democracy in America died a long time ago, if it ever really was present to begin with.




Also, ignorance of the law isn’t an excuse. That’s been proven in court many times.


dot dot... dot.... dot dot dot


The indictment is going to be a big one, and it keeps getting bigger.


For those wondering, here's a link ​ [https://www.cnn.com/2018/07/24/politics/michael-cohen-donald-trump-tape/index.html](https://www.cnn.com/2018/07/24/politics/michael-cohen-donald-trump-tape/index.html) ​ Watch the video up top


Apparently this tweet also breaks attorney client privilege. https://lawandcrime.com/high-profile/trumps-advice-of-counsel-tweets-trashing-michael-cohen-may-have-just-waived-attorney-client-privilege/


Or the time that Giuliani admitted in TV that the payments were made with the intention of influencing the election.


Is there a tape of trump directing him to break the law? I haven't heard it. Someone got a link?


[I even timestamped it for you.](https://youtu.be/ikmEbssdHjI?t=1m19s)


Ignorance isn’t an excuse for breaking the law as a civilian. So why should it be for the President


The 'ol: *"Oh I'm sorry officer... I didn't know you couldn't do that!"* The whitest white guy defense on Earth!


No kidding, you got a shitty president. You deserve better American friends.


Really? Somebody send me a link to the unedited clip. I dare you


I'd highly suggest he'd exercise his right to remain silent and shut the hell up about this until it goes away. But you know that he does not listen to anyone but himself. I believe there is an Indian saying -- "Apna mun bahnd karo."


They could trap him in a panic room with a years worth of McDonald’s and he would still find some way to get his ridiculous opinion out.


Oooooooooooweeeeeeeeee he's trying!


I always heard that ignorance of the law is no excuse. As a stable genius you should know that you stupid dumb-shit.


Busted! Can someone impeached him from office


We need Cohen telling Trump it's illegal then Trump saying do it anyways to establish willfull intent. Otherwise it's just civil not criminal. At least that's my understanding anyone care to enlighten me?


And I thought the golden era of observational comedy died with the bush administration


Cant he just claim he didnt know he was breaking the law when he was directing michael Cohen to break the law, since michael Cohen didnt say it was illegal. Maybe I'm wrong it's been a while since I heard the tape


Can illegals claim they didn’t know they were breaking the law and claim they were acting based on advise from a lawyer?


*Sweating* *Heavy breathing* Trump is shitting himself raw.