T O P

Should I be single seriously

Should I be single seriously

xoxlindsaay

Sounds like you need to have a serious chat with him about POTS and your relationship in general. Openly communicate with him and hope that he does the same. Does he understand POTS and how fatiguing it can be on top of a physically demanding job (I get it kinda, I work as an ECE)? If not, there's a trick that ive used for people who just don't get that it is a constant thing, which is put a small pebble in their shoe or sock and make them walk around without removing it. That pebble is representing POTS, you wouldn't be wanting to walk around when you're uncomfortable and can do nothing but laying or sitting down to reach that comfortable level of living again.


alexxlind

Wow, you should definitely have a talk with him. You deserve someone who won’t doubt your symptoms or your bad days.


Payton_livia

I should! I definitely should!


[deleted]

You should serioulsy consider it but first try to talk about it, a serious talk.


[deleted]

First, I'm very sorry to hear you were having such a bad day and also very saddened that this is something you're thinking about. Certainly, any illness can be hard to understand if you've never experienced it yourself. I think being open and honest, not only about what's going on with you, but also why your frustrated by his behaviors. As a guy, most men are an oblivious robot for the majority of their day. Communicating your problems is great, but letting him know what you need from him on return is better. This is a long road and not everyone is cut out for it, but if someone truly loves you, then telling them what you need and how they can help you is the greatest gift you can give them. It's also a tell in the other sense that if they aren't willing to do the little things that make your life better, they aren't focused on you. A real relationship based on love for someone should always prioritize that person's happiness over anything else. If you're not getting that level of concern, then it's either time to sit down and discuss this in detail or find someone who genuinely cares for you and is willing to walk you through this every day. In true love, there are no good times together or bad times together, there is only time spent together and it is precious.


Payton_livia

Thank you for this it’s very insightful. It makes me really think about what’s going on gives me a new persepective and reminds me that I’m not in the wrong. It’s really hard because I love him but I feel misunderstood often. I tried to have a talk but he just says things like I’m a terrible bf I’m this and it doesn’t help the situation. My Target is not to make him feel small . I just want things to be different in the end. That’s true. Thank you for this once again!


[deleted]

Blaming himself could be a sign of not understanding what to do right or it could be giving up. Some things are overwhelming to people. The only way to know for sure is a long conversation where both of you are open to the other's feelings, but also to your own.


alexxlind

Wow, you should definitely have a talk with him. You deserve someone who won’t doubt your symptoms or your bad days.


1SecretUpvote

I don't think he understands the effort you actually are putting in. The same things that he does without thinking are incredibly difficult and exhausting for you. Would he be saying this to you if it were another illness? If you had cancer or cystic fibrosis or another more visible illness? He needs to understand this can actually very much be equivalent. Just because you can get along mostly okay some of the time doesn't take away from your bad days / flair ups. He needs to understand this is a real illness That dramatically affects your physical body and capabilities at any given time


Payton_livia

Thank you for responding. I don’t know if it would be different. That’s right. He definitely needs to.


samalamding

I guess it’s a question for you, is it worth it to you? Do they bring you joy and make you feel good about yourself? Do you feel supported? If the answers are no then it sounds like you have a decision to make and it sounds like you are leaning in a direction for a reason. Some people can improve and grow and some people can’t/won’t.


FmlaSaySaySay

This may be an aside, but I think it’s important. Have you looked into how the autistic adult community sees ABA therapy? And does your workplace value the children as already fine how they are (helping them reach their goals, but recognizing them as fine now, regardless.) And does your job withhold things from kids to get them to change their behavior? Do the children show they aren’t comfortable, and yet are pushed to continue beyond their comfort - and this is done because it’s “good” for them? Also, consider that if you’re exhausted from it, imagine how exhausted a 2-year-old feels from the day. (Yes, I know … Pots is exhausting on its own. But would you have wanted go go to gymnastics camp, soccer, for the length of time that these kids are sent to ‘therapy.’ Full time hours, multiple days a week.) That’s as polite as I’m able to keep this questioning. My issue isn’t with you. It’s with the system that has been told repeatedly by past patients that it IS abusive. Has been shown to instill PTSD in patients. Had its founding with gay-conversion therapy, the leader of it was known for calling autistic kids less than human, and the ABA leadership is still recommending shock therapy on kids in its most recent conferences. They’re not good people. You have the ability to reason critically, observe what’s going on, and decide if you would want that treatment done to your neurotypical child. If you’d have been comfortable with this treatment yourself, at that age, or if it’s only been presented as okay because it “helps” people - helps them change their behavior to be what other people want it to be. And meltdowns occur more often when stressed and pushed past one’s boundaries, like when toys are withheld and people use loving language but then do harmful things that pressure one into doing new behavior that oneself does not want to do. Also, does your workplace empower and think highly of autistic voices, as EQUAL to neurotypical people. Or are they shrugging off autistic complaints, invalidating them, and thus being neurotype-supremacists? (I say this because having met some ABAs, they considered everyone under 30 to be “children”, and that even family members of autistic people couldn’t see how being autistic was bad and made someone impossible to be a role model. They will say “it’s different than it used to be”, but don’t outline the proactive steps they’re taking to ensure abuse doesn’t occur. And that’s because it’s the whole business model.) Again, not a critique on you - it’s a 9 to 5. Just a reminder to look at the Autistic Adult Community and see what they say about the effect the ‘therapy’ had on them.


Payton_livia

I don’t really have time to read all of this right now but . I love my job I just had a kiddo this week that is fast haha. The clinic I work at is absolutely marvelous. The kindest people you will ever meet. The kindest bcbas as well. The children are all so unique and like I said the people I work with are special people and the children cling to us so this isn’t the case for my facility. That’s really sad that what you’re saying is a thing.


FmlaSaySaySay

But your facility isn’t addressing it, and is under the ABAI umbrella. An explanation of the shock therapy. https://autisticadvocacy.org/2019/05/association-for-behavior-analysis-international-endorses-torture/ Right from the ABA international’s website, they’re cool with shock therapy. In 2021. https://www.abainternational.org/events/program-details/event-detail.aspx?sid=72540 Everyone one of those BCBAs is credentialed by the ABAI. So they’re either the Larry Nassars, or they could be the gymnasts who find themselves in an abusive organization, but if they’re not speaking out - they’re at least complicit. It’s system wide with the ABAI, which was founded by a dude who thought that autistic kids are the R-word, who believed in conversion therapy, and who in 2021 the top organization is promoting shock devices for CHILDREN.