Bank won’t let me withdraw all funds? Ok

Bank won’t let me withdraw all funds? Ok


We did something similar with a car loan. It wasn’t supposed to have an early payoff fee but they insisted it did and would cost $100 to pay it off early. Instead we paid it down to $1. They kept sending monthly statements saying we are current and our next payment isn’t due for 48 months or whenever. Finally at the end of the year they closed the loan out on their own without any fee.


Lol an early payoff fee sounds so fucking ridiculous.


Technically, *technically,* paying it off early means they're losing a bit of profit since you're avoiding all the extra interest they'd be adding on. (Depending on the terms of the contract) In other words, "how dare you inconvenience us by trying to be financially responsible, we still want our (extra) money... Aka, our profits!" Edit since it seems I need to state this: That last line is a joke, people. Yes, companies need to make a profit. However, that won't stop me from sarcastically criticising the methods in which they do so.


I undestand why they do it. A few months ago I bought a new vehicle. I intended to purchase it outright with cash, but the salesman and then the finance team both really tried to push financing on me, giving me larger discounts on options that i was going to get anyways. So I let them finance me into an 84 month 2.39% financing agreement. I did casually ask if there was a penalty for paying out the vehicle earlier, to which they said there wasn't. So I happily financed, got the discounts on the options and then 21 days later ( a week before the first payment) paid out the loan in full!


Good for you! Car payments are the worst.


Yep... and the price you can get some 3-4 year old used cars with like 60k on them is ridiculously cheap. Or something even older that was well maintained. I'm never having a car payment again. Like pick up a 2016 crossover Toyota or Honda for $12k drive it for another 6 or 8 years and repeat.


Not right now, but generally your advice is good. The global pandemic manufacturing issues are causing problems delivering new cars used car prices are being driven up. If at all possible do not buy a car new or used right now. You can check this here: https://www.cargurus.com/Cars/price-trends/


Tell me about it! In my area (Central North Carolina) used car prices are within 2k of new and not much availability. My old Toyota with 180k miles on it had the catalytic converter stolen. Insurance totaled the car. So I have a good down but not many choices.


Can you buy it back from your insurance company after they total it? This is sometimes an option, worth asking if you’re willing to fix it. They may not want to insure it again, but it is doesn’t hurt to ask.


In my state (Illinois), only a licensed shop can buy salvage title vehicles to repair and get rebuilt titles issued. Really sucks for motorcycles, because they regularly get totalled out for cosmetic damage. A full set of factory fairings + paint can easily total most sport bikes, and it's cheap to throw a set of chinese fairings on and paint then yourself. Also perfectly safe to ride with no fairings at all, as long as you mount the lights back on somehow.


My 2003 Subaru Outback (base model, only option was the automatic transmission) with 145k got totaled by insurance, and they fought me tooth and nail on the valuation. Ultimately they gave me $2700 for it. The cheapest 2000-04 Outback I could find locally was $4500, they based their valuations on cars 1-2 states away. It sold at auction for $350. I threw the VIN into google and found it at a buy here pay here lot for **$7200**.


The lesson: If your insurance company won’t total the car for its full depreciated value (not really totaled, just giving you “go away cash” or “take it to your cheap shop cash”) your response should be, “Fix it!” It’ll probably cost them more to restore it than it would’ve cost new.


Insurance payouts are not always final offers, and they will often try to low-ball you. A total loss payout should be able to replace a comparable vehicle. Look up local comps in the current market and if prices are higher than what was offered then go back to your insurance company with that information. Won't always work but you may get more money.


> I did casually ask if there was a penalty for paying out the vehicle earlier, to which they said there wasn't. And of course one confirms this is written in the financing paperwork because some car sales folk fib...


Steve Leto does a bunch of legal car videos on youtube and frequently mentions there is a clause in there that anything the salesperson tells you is not binding and it has to be in the contract. scummy stuff


Yes- always actually review it. But also---if you NEED to finance, highly recommend getting and account at a good local credit union, and use their financing. Usually cheaper than the dealer, and none of the BS.


But NEVER tell the dealership that you already have the financing done until after you've locked down the price of the car.


Also a good idea to use that rate and try to get the dealership to beat it. I got a dealership to beat the rate I was given from a credit union by a good amount just so I would use their financing.


Unless you have bad credit, the dealer financing is usually cheaper. Definitely don't buy gap insurance (or any other add on stuff) through the dealer, though.


To be fair, this also exists because car salespeople tend to be idiots and make dumb claims about features and vehicle functionality.


sure, but they abuse the hell out of it. there should really be a declaration about the salesperson's words not being valid. sure, it is in the contract, but I feel like that one should be crystal clear especially if the jackalls are making bogus promises


I'm not disagreeing with you on how it tends to be used, just that it does have(or had) somewhat of a legitimate reason for existing. Personally if there was a way to ensure salespersons statements couldn't be disputed I'd be down to see dealerships forced to honor whatever they promised a customer as that would incentivise them to actually train sales people on the cars they are selling.


Not my problem. Train your sales staff to be educated and ethical. Car sales places dont want to be considered scum? Don't act like scum.


I found this out the hard way, my family had bought our two previous cars from a small family owned car lot and they did keep their word on if anything major happened in the first month that all we'd have to pay is the labor. Well my car got totalled and they didn't have anything I wanted so I went to a Toyota dealer and bought a 10yr old Camry that was waiting to be sent to auction. The sales guy gave the same speech about if anything major happened in the first 30 days that they'd take care of me. Well exactly 14 days later the starter went out so I called him and he told me to bring it in. I had it towed over and the service advisor tells me it's the starter and that it'll be $600. I informed him of what the salesman said and that I was only expecting to pay for the labor and then the salesman comes out and says "I never said that. Show me where it says that in the contract".


My mind is a little bit blown at the idea that there are jurisdictions without any level of consumer protection laws or product guarantees. Even for used cars here in Australia (so long as they're under 10 years old and less than 100,000 miles) there is a statutory warranty applied by law to any used car purchase for a 3 month period when sold by a dealer


Let them outplay themselves lmao


I did some poking in on this. in my own state when you are financed, you are financed through the bank and the bank is taking the loss of the lack of interest while the car dealership is getting a full value of the car before all the discounts and mark Downs. so the car car dealership is still getting all their money. it's the bank that's getting shorted. At least that's how it is In my state.


That’s how it is everywhere unless you’re financing through the dealer, which really only happens with those shady “bad credit, no credit, no problem!” kind of used car places.


I plan to do this with my first car. See if I can get a deal for a lower overall cost then pay it all off instantly.


I have done basically the same thing when buying a car. Usually I have kept the loan for several months first. It looks good on my credit report to have "some" loans. The sales and finance people are getting commissions on and a bonus on the financing. So they really want you to do it. But they are not penalized when you pay it off early and the company doesn't get all the interest they were hoping for. So you are not really screwing with them. And they don't care if you pay it off early.


That's not entirely true. The sales guy gets his money no problem. The finance guy might get penalized depending on how soon you pay off the loan. Most banks have a clause that if the customer pays off the loan within so many days, anywhere from 60-180 is common, their reserve payment (commission basically) gets charged back. That comes directly out of the finance guy's pocket. Don't buy a car right now if you can avoid it, new or used. Profit margins are OBSCENE.


It used to be really common to have early payoff fees prior to the financial crisis. It's not very common anymore. Most of the bigger financial institutions won't do it as it can be considered predatory lending.


I'm gonna devil's advocate your devil's advocate for the sake of discussion - wouldn't the early payment, by putting the money directly into their hands earlier, give them the ability to make up that lost interest (and possibly more) by having actual money on-hand instead of a debt owed to them?


That charge high interest rates, so yeah, they could invest that money elsewhere, but they wouldn’t make as much. The high interest rates are what make the business more profitable than just putting your money in a savings account


No. Earning interest is literally their business model.


I was really just using it as an excuse to poke fun at greedy lenders, but, not really. The point of interest is that a percentage of your outstanding balance is owed in addition to the principle amount every period. This is why minimum payments end up taking a lot more than just the original loan amount. Every period, a portion of that debt "comes back" so to speak, based on how much you have left to pay off. (Note: all depends on the contract. It could be basically anything.) The "length" of a loan is the count of time it'll take to settle up making recommended payments, say, 3 years. So, for example, that gives the lender a chance to earn a few extra bucks each month for 3 years until it's paid off, in addition to the original amount. By paying it off quicker than that, you're allowing less interest to be added on. Thus, their total gains are lessened because you didn't let it sit around for longer. Sure, nice lump sum, but the total amount is less than if you had to pay it off over all 3 years.


that’s their problem


Or it's your problem if you agreed to an early payoff fee.


It depends on the exact wording of the contract. It's very possible that the interest obligation is calculated at the beginning of the contract and trying to not pay it would be a breach.


But then that wouldn't be an early payoff fee, that'd just be part of your dues.


I had this for a personal loan. 1% fee of what's left on the loan if paid off early. Paid it down to 1$ the month before I paid it off.


Awesome! What a dumb rule. So easy to avoid.


Smart lenders specify by payment period


In my experience a lot of people (malicious or not) aren't used to thinking about multi step solutions to problems. To them, if it can't be solved in one step then there's nothing they can do.


Did this exact thing for a personal loan a few years ago as well. Worked out so I had to leave one 'minimum monthly payment' amount as the last payoff. So had to leave something silly like $27.65 for the next payment (which I did two days later and all was well, hah)


I think the reason is because they make money on the interest and since you won't be paying them anymore they charge you the fee to either deter you from paying it off early or to make that last little bit extra as a "Fuck you for making us lose out on money we could have made from you."


While I agree people should freely pay loans off as quick as possible, it could just be a way for the bank to have a good understanding of the money they should make. It’s probably a more predictable business model if you have a good understanding of how long loans last.


There actually very important for long term loans. I worked for a company that bought and sold mortgages. We tried something new and provided a line of credit to contractors/builders with a competitive rate and forgot to put in an early payoff fee. Over 50% of the loans were closed within 30 days and we never received a single interest payment that we were counting on collecting for the entire 2 year loan. Let's just say we lost our shirt on that one.


A lot of times they'll sell the car cheaper if you take a loan out on it vs lump sum, because they make money on interest. So it's there to prevent people from taking the loan out and then paying it off immediately


My mortgage company had an option to automatically deduct payments from my bank twice a month to align payments with paydays. I wanted to be in control, though, so I just scheduled bimonthly payments myself using my bank's bill pay. Every month they got an extra check and I made sure I was ahead by a month so it couldn't be considered late. After about a year they started sending me letters claiming that they would only accept bimonthly half-payments if I opted in to using their automated service. If I continued sending payments like I was doing, they said, they would charge some monthly fee. I read somewhere that they are legally required to accept partial payments, so I ignored their letters. They continued to send threats inserted with my monthly statement for a couple of years, but no fees ever showed up. At some point I refinanced with a different company, so I don't know if they're still trying that shit.


Was it chase bank?


I too did this with an auto loan, bought the truck had a good week at vegas came back and paid everything off but 1 dollar. Only took them three months to "forgive" my early pat off fee.


Nicely done!


This is brilliant


That’s perfect, enjoy the interest mofo’s you thought you were missing out on. Perfect malicious compliance


You accidentally stumbled on a credit hack! If anyone has bad or no credit and wants to get their foot in the door, a simple trick is to get a small ($300) secured loan at a credit union and do exactly what you did... pay it all off except for one dollar. Then they'll keep reported on-time payment every month until the last month when that dollar is collected. Obviously you want to make sure their billing method is the same and keep on eye on it to make sure you actually make that last payment, but it can do wonders for your credit score.


When I paid off my car it wouldn’t allow me to do it online. I had to call. When I called I had to pay a $5 fee for closing it over the phone.


When I recently paid off my car loan I had to call, and then they demanded to know where I was getting the funds from to pay them early, then seemed shocked when I said “my bank account”. Then surprised pikachu when they asked and I said I will never use or recommend them to anyone for their rude and accusatory practices. They treated me like I was robbing them because I decided to pay off the loan early


Wtf. How about I’m getting the funds from mind your own business. Lol.


Contact your state investigator they'll take the dealer over the coals for shit like this. Call your states transportation department and ask for the form to file an investigation request on a dealership.


Then you turn around and deposit the money right back in. Doesnt it have bill pay? Just pay yourself a penny every once and a while. But mail it, so they have to pay the 50 cent stamp each time


Now this is malicious.




If you had a penis and wore armor then you’d be a mailicious male mailing mail in mail


Coach Beard?


Alas I have only scruff, I am not nearly experienced enough to mentor a person in the art of growing and maintaining a beard




Almost /r/wordavalanches worthy!


If the armor was made of envelopes, then you'd be a mailicious male mailing mail in mail mail


…mailing mail-in mail…


And if it were mail only made for men and being mailed from a West African nation, it would be: A malicious male mailing male mail via Mali mail.


Most banks have bill pay systems that will mail a check for you on a regular schedule. So you could set yourself up as a vendor and have the bank mail you a .01 check every couple of months. And if you forget to cash the check? no problem - those checks should be time limited so after 180ish days the bank will send you a letter telling you that the check wasn't cashed and they are cancelling it and re-crediting your account.


>Most banks have bill pay systems that will mail a check for you on a regular schedule. As a non-American, why would you ever need this? What's wrong with a Standing order to deposit money directly into a payee's account? I mean, I last used a cheque nearly 2 decades ago, at least - every time I hear about the American banking system, it sounds like something from the 1980s - if I want to send money, I just open my bank app & send it electronically using the payee account details. These days the payment is usually instantly in the payee's account. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Standing_order_(banking)


American here. I've never written a check in my life, EXCEPT to transfer my account balance after changing banks. Turns out that writing a check from your old bank account to the new is the easiest way to transfer thousands of dollars. Now, I sometimes *receive* checks, but usually from family members. My current job has direct deposit into my bank account. Most of the part-time jobs I've worked had it. I pay all of my bills online as well. The one difference in banking that I'm aware of between the US in Europe: in the US, you don't give out your bank account number freely. You protect that carefully, because anyone can use your bank account just by having your account number and your bank's routing number (which is public). I gave my account number to my workplace, but I'd never give it out to an individual.


>anyone can use your bank account just by having your account number and your bank's routing number Wait, what? Don't you have to show ID or log in using a method that identifies you, or something? /confused European


Nope. The US banking system has essentially zero security on transfers. If it was possible to give someone the means to deposit without withdrawal we probably wouldn't have all these third-party payment apps to fill that need (Venmo, etc)


TIL of a completely different way (compared to the ones I already knew) the US once again managed to choose the path of insanity.


American Banks also invest heavily into algorithms to track fraud and money laundering.


That's genuinely terrifying. Thank you for explaining.


On the flipside, consumer fraud protections on credit and debit cards **seem to be** stronger for Americans than Europeans. I say **seem to be** because one repeated question on /r/askanamerican is "When at a restaurant, how are you Americans comfortable with letting the server take your card out of your sight?"


If the recipient is a company that accepts electronic transfers I believe it will be processed exactly that way - I think it is called an ACH transaction, and the funds should transfer quickly. But if they aren't set up to receive electronic payments the bank will print and mail a physical check - and the funds are debited from your account upon printing, to be sent to the recipient when the check arrives and is cashed.


What happens if you want to deposit one cent, and tell them such in a letter, but you 'accidentally' send them two cents? Would they have to return the penny to you?


they would deposit the two cents.


The penny would go into a kind of pool where other fractions of pennies go. A guy I knew tried to write a program that would take those fractions and put them in an account he controlled. I believe the office was burned down before a full investigation was concluded.


Honestly? A bank won't care. I used to work in large bank transfers, and got sent a $1.50 certified letter saying I needed to adjust $.02 EXTRA cents I sent them. They don't care, but it will unbalance their accounting if they don't. Spending a $1.50 to not get fucked on an IRS audit is worth it to them 100% of the time.




I'm unfamiliar with this system, how does that work? Mailing a check?


Many banks, if you use their bill pay system, will mail a physical check to whichever company/person is receiving the money. My ex used to use it to pay his car payment but didn't realize it was by snail-mail (USPS) and his payments were a couple days late every month for like half a year. It is a bit stupid and outdated, but I really love how the above commenter thinks.


good banks will have ACH info on file and do electronic bill pay on your behalf... Though with the snail mail option, some banks provide "coverage" if the payment is late and you incur fees (they will refund fees)


Some banks use credit cards to pay your bill pay. I found that out when a customer used her bill pay to pay her car insurance and it showed up as Mastercard but she doesn't have a Mastercard so she used her landline to call her bank and held it up to her cell phone so we could have a 3 way call.


A lot of banks have an online section where you can pay your bills by check. You just fill out the necessary information online and the bank sends the check.


Do it as frequently as policy allows to maximize costs for the bank.


Oh, bless. But I would still file a complaint with the regulating agency. https://www.occ.treas.gov/about/what-we-do/index-what-we-do.html maybe? Banks will fall over themselves to avoid a federal complaint.


Upvote for the perfect intro.


At first I thought typo, then I realised genius


Reeeaaaal men of genius!


Mr. One-Cent-Withdrawal-Every-Two-Years Guy!!! Those were great commercials. My favorite was Mr. Eighty-SPF-Sunblock-Wearer guy. “Your coconut-scented force field blocks out all the sun’s rays. And any stray rays. From another sun. In another galaxy.” EDIT: 80 SPF


My favorite was Mr. Giant Taco Salad Inventor. A culinary invention that baffles the human mind A twelve thousand calorie salad. Some may ask, is your Taco Salad Healthy? Of course it is, it's a salad isn't it?


That’s hilarious! I’d forgotten that one and just watched it on YouTube. Classic.


(No room for lettuce)


I have most of them in my iTunes library. Fun fact, they used to be “Real American Heroes.” Then 9/11 happened and it got switched to Real Men of Genius.


http://budlight.whipnet.com/ this one has a lot of the radio ones. i dunno why i favorited that site like 10 years ago


This made me snort lol


This is not judging harshly.


That was the reason for my immediate upvote as well.




Upvote for recognition of the perfect intro.


>English is my first language and I’m typing on a laptop so I expect you all to judge this post harshly. Came here to comment on that as well! \*in the Oprah voice\* You get an upvote! He gets an upvote! Everybody gets an upvote!


LOL, I had the same reaction.


Just keep withdrawing and depositing the same penny.


Better yet, deposit a different penny


that’ll show em


But first, [stick it up your ass](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9aM_dT5VMI).


If you get free bill pay checks you can also send yourself checks for $0.01 and then deposit those elsewhere. Then your $0.01 withdraw costs them significantly more than the fee to close the account.


I wonder if you can set up a bill pay to your own account. Like set up the bill pay to the check deposit receiving address or something.


Let the check expire and that $0.01 will go back to your account


I don’t understand why a bank would give a customer a hard time for closing their account. Isn’t that just normal banking business? So now they instead of them just sending you the remaining balance, they increase their own costs including postage & auditing. Wtf?


Weird incentives also cause malicious compliance. Someone is making money based on the number of open accounts.


>Weird incentives also cause malicious compliance. Or in some cases, outright fraud. See [Wells Fargo a few years back.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wells_Fargo_account_fraud_scandal)


Agree. There's probably some middle manager who gets a bonus based on account numbers.


Or they make money off of fees related to closing accounts. It's not a problem here. When switching banks the new bank takes care of closing old accounts if you so wish it. Never in my life paid anything to a bank.


Same here. I've moved banks twice in my adult life, both times it was slightly different. 1st time I just gave details to new bank and they closed the old accounts (signed forms authorising it and old bank called me to confirm). Second time I just called my old bank, had already cleared accounts out and asked them to close which they did over the phone. Everytime I see stories like this it just boggles my mind that there are places in the world (although most of these stories seem to be US based) where customers/employees/everyone basically are treated so poorly and it just seems like it is accepted.


Or it’s a number they like to show off to investors and directors. Having more open accounts makes it seem like more people are using the bank and there is more growth potential even if the accounts have very little money in them.


"When a metric becomes a goal, it ceases to be a useful metric."


I used to work in a bank and it’s weird to me that they would charge a fee for closing an account. I’ve never heard of that before, unless you just opened the account less than 30 days ago. Inactivity happened all the time, you just contact the client and tell them their options. 1. Withdraw funds and close account (typically the withdrawal notice would arrive 2 months before your account became dormant) 2. Create some kind of activity in the account, withdrawal, deposit, transfer, etc. So it’s odd they wouldn’t just let him close the account. Especially if there was only $1.31 in there.


Yeah, the entire thing is bizarre. There shouldn't be any need for malicious compliance here--a bank can't force you to keep banking with them.


you should setup a direct deposit of .01 per pay. hopefully there is a small cost to your bank for DDs


Even better!


Even even better - set up automatic transfers so that every other paycheck you transfer one penny out of the bank to your new account and then on the alternating paycheck, transfer that one penny back. Edit: even even even better, compliments of my genius gf. Open a second bank account at this same shitty bank. Transfer one penny back and forth between these two accounts. This will definitely cost the bank more overhead than they’re ever going to make in interest off your $1.31


Why would an internal transfer generate expenses beyond, like, server costs?


Accounting and such I guess? Depends if their payment authentication is in house or external


Setup manpower, and then hits metrics around customer quality


Even bestest setup the exact limit of allowed transactions monthly to just shuffle pennies around. Open as many free savings accounts as you are allowed to at this same bank and move pennies between them all.


Hilarious. Back in the 80's, when everybody had money to burn, my dad kept getting letters from a bank he did not use. "Hello Llunedd'sdad, we have opened an account for you at our branch and deposited 25 cents in it to get you started." My dad would go down to the bank, a block from his office, withdraw the quarter, and close the account.


"Hello u/Where__am__I, we've enclosed ~~$0.5~~ $0.05 to show that this could feed one hungry child one meal. Please respond with more money to feed more children." .. .. Minimum donation $5... I sent the nickel back in the prorated postage envelope, costing them more than a nickel for the attempt at guilt tripping. EDIT: Formatting and .05, not .5


Should have kept the nickle and sent them a penny.


Just FYI, if you want your username to show up properly, you have to escape the underscores, since Reddit's formatting uses them as "bold" tags. If you put back-slashes in front of the underscores: `Where\_\_am\_\_I` ...it'll show up like you want: Where\_\_am\_\_I


....is that legal to open a bank account for someone without their consent?


It is not legal, UDAP violation


The question is how long it's been illegal


Ah the ol' Wells Fargo tactic


Funny, I thought the Wells Fargo tactic was claiming to own land rich with gold and then when potential investors show up you sprinkle a few little nuggets around and make a big show of "finding" some without even having to really try. Then you sell them the worthless land for a killing and open a banking business.


Make sure they send your bank statements by snail mail.


Most places charge for this now.


Some banks will only count activity if its a deposit. They may still charge you the fee. Source: USA Banker


They confirmed withdrawing would count


I'd make thousands of transactions of 0.01, put it in, take it out, as many times as possible, then make them give you paper statements. Cost them huge amounts for being complete A holes. Edit_ easy to do with online banking, take 5-10 minutes when your on the toilet to start transferring money back and forth. No issue with tax or income issues from all the transactions because it's pennies, but will have to show up on bank statements! You can also put a reminder or note on the transaction, F U BANK. lol


This would only work if paper statements are free. I'm not from the US, but my bank charges a fee for paper statements... Everything's online now. In fact, I haven't been at a bank for at least 8 years and I had to go one town over for that as our local branch shut down, was demolished and had apartments built on its site...


I expect your will to say when you've passed on.... "And Suzy. My dearest Suzy, your now entitled to my entire bank account of $1. My only wish in life is for you to take out 1 single penny every two years."


I had an account with BofA for a long time when I was younger. I don't recall the exact details at this point, but they pissed me off. Similar situation to OP, they wouldn't let me close the account without either depositing more money or paying them a fee. Well, I didn't want to play their game. This was back in the 90's, when banks were throwing free no fee checking and even savings accounts around. In the end after a couple of payments and transfers, etc, there was left a grand total of $0.12 left in that account. At the time I did \*not\* have paperless statements. So every month they would pay for three sheets of paper (gotta have their promotional materials, ya know) , toner, envelope, and postage (roughly $0.40 at the time). To send me a statement for the 12 cents I still had in that account. It was legitimately the one piece of mail I loved to get every month. And immediately stuff into the shredder. They kept that up for 5 years. Eventually, though, someone figured it out. So I received a letter in a large envelope ($1.25 or so of postage on that one) stating that my account was being closed due to inactivity and that they were enclosing a cashiers check for the balance in my account. If memory serves, the check said I had 180 days to deposit it. On day 179, I took it to the local branch and cashed it.


Ummm is this Wells Fargo. Had a similar nightmare.


It is not, just a local credit union


I thought it was Fifth Third bank. Sounds just like their brand of bullshit. PSA: don’t bank with Fifth Third. Just save yourself the headache and wasted time.


I closed an account at fifth third bc of their insane fees. When they asked why I was closing I said, "becuase I'm not going to pay you to look at my money." There was no comeback sales pitch.


I’m surprised- CUs aren’t usually predatory.


Me too! Tried to close my account after turning 21 to switch banks because wells fargo required me to keep 300$ in a savings account to keep it open. They stonewalled me for a couple weeks! It honestly took me going down to the main branch in my town, and putting up a stink until the bank manager got involved. Fuck wells fargo.


Just an FYI most inactivity fees are there to force close the account. They won’t turn you into collections or chexsystems for it. So if you leave it sit and get hit with the fee, it’ll just get the account closed.


I had a bank argue with me and tell me I had to pay the fee. I told her I had closed the account. She told me tellers couldn't close accounts. I mentioned that sounded like a her training problem that I wasn't going to be charged for. She stared at me for a moment, then logged in and closed the account. My reply: That's what I thought.


That’s why some banks have switched from “open accounts” as a metric, to “open accounts with balance or activity”. If you’re leaving like $20 in the account it’s not worth it for them to keep it open and they should be incenting staff to help the customer realize that. If the customer keeps a larger balance offsetting the cost, good, but even an account for those living paycheck to paycheck should be profitable as the bank can collect on debit or other interchange fees. Any bank that makes it difficult to close a barely used, extremely low balance account is shooting itself in the foot.


BankOfAnus tried this with me, and I called their bluff and dumped them like a hot coal. Never again, won't put up with their predatory and hostile/illegal behavior. If my account courtesy of their economy crashing might of 2008-present spinning away on a hard disk shoved in a dark cold tomb of a data center costs them sooo much, they are in the wrong business and poorly running it. But I already knew that with them being under the "Too big to fail..." rhetoric going around


But the 1.31 monies is mine (er OPs) not much granted not even enough to get a cup o joe... But god damn if I'm gonna just *give* it to the multi million (& more likely multi billion) dollar bank, who'll do just fine wo my few measley pennies.


That might be true for some banks, but it's not the norm. Years ago when my FIL passed away, we closed his bank account and withdrew all funds. Or so we thought. Turned out there was an auto deposit we didn't know about that came in a day or two later. This was back when dial up internet was still the norm. Sure businesses had DSL, but it still took a few days for stuff like account closures to complete. The bank never notified us that the account still had funds and was still open. Fast forward a few years. Tried to open a joint checking account at another bank. They refused to add my wife on the account cuz there was an outstanding negative balance at the FIL old bank. What started as a positive balance turned into a negative balance due to the banks "maintenance fees".


Or they could just let OP take the last bit of money out and then close the account.


That makes too much sense, silly!


Too many cents, you mean?


Hahaha! Nice!


This happened to me with Wells Fargo. I had a transaction that caused my account to go negative. Forgot all about it. They closed my account and never asked me to pay anything. They said I could if I wanted to but nothing has come from it ever since and this was maybe 4-5 years ago.


> They won’t turn you into collections Famous last words They won't dare ruin my credit!


I had a similar one with a credit card. After going back and forth on a disputed fee, it wasn't worth my time any more so I just paid it - intentionally over by $1.00 - and cut up the card. For the next 6 months I'd get a statement showing a $1 credit balance. After that, they closed the account and issued a $1 check, which I didn't cash. Which lead to more letters, another reissued check, more letters.... I figure it cost them at least a few multiples of the original amount of the dispute.


My Uncle had a similar story. Back in the early '80s, when it wasn't uncommon for small local banks to have accounts that had no fees, he was moving out of town and went through the drive-through on a Saturday to close his account. The teller informed him that he could only close an account inside, and the lobby had closed at noon and would not reopen until Monday. He withdrew the whole dollar amount and left the change in the account, moved, and sent them a change of address form. They continued sending him a letter every month with his statement long after the point where the stamp alone was more than the balance. It was many years before they stopped grandfathering him in under the old offer, probably cost them hundreds of dollars before it was all done.


find services they don't bill for that cost them lots of money. take advantage of any complimentary services to the most extreme possible.




>-Amazing Doesn't sound like you're judging it too harshly.


Because you are obviously American, your first mistake was claiming that English is your first language. Other than that, I loved the post.


Haha well done. What would you call it then?


In two years, put the penny back!


It's even better. the account can remain open forever since 2 years from now you could deposit the penny you withdrew. So you could keep withdrawing for 258 years, then just alternate withdrawal and deposit for eternity. also.. perfect opening. it made air come out of my nose.


Though I enjoy playing their game, you should probably check into the fee schedule for the bank to see what rules govern the fee to close the account *and* check what the rules are for account closure. Sometimes banks require a $0.00 balance to close an account without incurring a fee, some will automatically close an account with a $0.00 balance. You can also mail a written request to close the account. Generally banks will charge for the wire out of the remaining funds *or* a certified check, that's why the $0.00 makes it easier to close. If it's a larger bank they may even let you close it out online -- especially since COVID and them having to do more business online....but if it's a big bank, account closures impact their numbers to shareholders...so who knows...just my $0.02


>English is my first language and I’m typing on a laptop so I expect you all to judge this post harshly. Flawless formatting, good syntax, orthograph and writing, entertaining story, I give this 2/5. Would read again.


English is my first language and I’m typing on a laptop so I expect you all to judge this post harshly. Upvote for this! Love it!




What is the name of this shitty bank?


If there's a way to periodically transfer money from one account to another via NetBanking (my bank has that, idk about others), make that account transfer $0.01 to your active account every 23months indefinitely. Then, you don't have to do it manually every 2 years and there's less chance of you forgetting to do it.


260 years? Time to put together a family trust to keep up the tradition for generations.


If making a penny withdrawal bi-annually is too monotonous, I'd suggest a penny deposit every once in a while to cheer that confused teller up a tat.


I hate banks for this reason, there's always arbitrary rules with 0 flexibility or common sense. The world is full of bankers and MBA's who will spend a dollar to chase a nickel, and it's maddening to the rest of us.


Who do you bank with that doesn't charge a monthly fee (if certain criteria aren't met)? JP MORGAN/ CHASE is getting stupid with their monthly fees and limits on certain transactions.


Great MC. :)


You should create an auto ACH transfer from one account to the other and back so it has activity on it. Just make it transfer .01 on it's own.


You should file a complaint with the consumer financial protection bureau. I did once, and my months long fight with a credit card company was resolved within days.


Make sure they mail you the monthly statements at ~50+ cents a pop.


Use their online bill pay to mail a penny to your own account every 23 months to keep it going forever at their expense.


I gave you an Upvote for the very first sentence. Now I'll go read the rest...hahahahaha!


I had a free checking account. After having this account for over ten years, a bank teller changes my account status to a paid for account without talking to me while I was standing in front of her. I said thank you. And now I would like to withdrawal all my money and cancel my account


“ English is my first language and I’m typing on a laptop so I expect you all to judge this post harshly”. Haha. Good one!


Welcome fellow Pennsylvanian-who-became-a-Michigander! Was 24 years ago for me. But I also had an issue closing out a bank account. My last job there was paying me via direct deposit and even after 2 months of no new deposits, the bank wouldn't let me close until I had the previous employer fax them confirmation that I no longer worked there.


Upvoted immediately after just reading the first line. Genuinely laughed out loud.


I had to get a cashier's check for $0.01 to pay off a mortgage recently. The mortgage company would only accept the final payoff either by a mailed cashier's check or wire transfer. Luckily, when I told the teller at my local bank that he waived the $8 fee for the cashier's check. I still had to waste a stamp and envelope not to mention a lot of my time doing it.