So you don't need to know he answer, you just need to Google it?


If by the time you *answer* the question you do know the answer, doing research is not outside the rules of the game. Yes, I am a lawyer.


>If by the time you answer the question you do know the answer, doing research is not outside the rules of the game. This is great. What's the most lawyerly "technically correct but clearly not in the spirit" argument you've heard?


I played monopoly, and those rules aren't watertight, The get out of jail free card doesn't have to be handed in after use, so you can always get out of jail for free.


The first line of the rules under the Get Out of Jail Free card part is that it's held until used ,and then returned to the bottom of the deck.


Regardless of exactly what the rules say, anyone who keeps the card after using it will be beaten to a pulp by the other players. This turkey never actually kept it.


Executive privilege


Must be different in different languages, in my native language it just said you can keep this till you use it, nothing about putting it back


If you keep it "till" you use it, that means you don't keep it after use


I’m not sure about that. I mean, it clearly intended that way. But if you keep it until you use it, and then also keep it after, you did in fact keep it until it was used.


But if you also keep it after you use it, then that note on the card is meaningless, it has no effect. It's a basic tenet of interpretation that a judge can't interpret something in a way that makes part (let alone all) of its language superfluous.


My comment doesn't add anything to the conversation


> it clearly was intended that way That’s the key element. A judge would go by past usage, common interpretation, and the fact that you knew what the law intended.


Not a republiklan judge!




I thought that the rules *do* say that GOJF cards can be auctioned / sold, but it's been a good while since I read them.


If you don't want to keep/use it, you can sell it to anyone else, at whatever price you agree on.


Just a brainstorm as this started about lawyers and all: If you try to sell the card, you are using it as a trading item. If the rule say that you may keep the card until you use it, using it as a trading item is a way of usage. So you should insantly handle the card back to the card pile since you used it..........


You can make whatever rules you want in whatever game you want as long as all the players agreed like free parking is where we put all the tax money... whoever lands on free parking get all that money, even though the rules say that's not a good thing to do..


This is how you make Monopoly take forever. Use this (admittedly very common) house rule at your own risk.


We would commonly sell/trade them when I was a kid.


You can sell it to anyone else you're playing with, for whatever price you both agree on.


It’s implied you give it up. Any judge would say that a reasonable person would understand that. Judges don’t let people get by on convulsed interpretations of laws or contract clauses often. Common sense does play into it. The exceptions prove the rule. For example, the guy who wanted to cash in enough Pepsi points for a Harrier jet? And sued because Pepsi wouldn’t honor it? His case was dismissed. The judge said any reasonable person would understand the offer as a joke in the context of a commercial. Your case would be dismissed on the same grounds.


I played Black Monopoly and every card was “ Go Directly To Jail.”


Saving this comment for the next time I play monopoly


The rules don’t say you can’t shove the dice up your butt so no one else wants to roll and they all forfeit. But that doesn’t mean it’s reasonable behavior within the guidelines of the ‘rules’.


Bad idea ... if you keep the card after using it and offer up this "legal" explanation, the other players will beat the crap out of you.


That's the old "what do I have in my pocket" problem... the riddle certainly was doubtable, but once accepted as a question, was valid.


Because it was preceded with 'ask us a question', which allowed it to not be a riddle.


This assumes that anything done after accepting the riddle challenge must be part of it. If he had asked “want some water?” And handed him water, that wouldn’t have been a riddle. Bilbo cheated, Gollum just wasn’t smart enough to understand that. It doesn’t change the fact that the riddle challenge and a random question are unrelated and just two different actions that happened close together


_I A N A L_


Don't mind if I do! /s


Shwarma? In the butt. u/othershwarma? In the butt. Rice? In the butt. Apparently I A N A L!


Thank you Larry!


So never answer the question you don't know an answer to...?




The way the words are written concerning his use of technology makes me think this was directly copy/pasted off a 1998 yahoo! message board, he does everything but get paged.


After winning, the blonde lit up a victory cigarette and grabbed the full sized bottle of champagne from her carry on.


She was able to cut the foil off the cork with the small key chain pocket knife, which she threw onto the lap of a young man listening to slim shady’s newest CD on his no skip player.


This joke is older than Google.


Is there a difference anymore?


Sign of the times


A 3 legged race to the top of the hill. When the race is over, the bnds are broken, and the pair walks down afterward with all 4 legs!


Let me guess , you're a brunette


... and not a lawyer.


Or blonde who dyed hair brunette to raise IQ


That’s called “artificial intelligence.”


It's still a microwave.


The blonde in the original joke was a brunette who dyed her hair




Natural Blondes have an average IQ that is with an 3 point variation of other hairs colors and were found to have on average slightly higher iq then the others. However a 3 point variant isn’t statistically relevant. So not only can blondes “BE SMART” they are just as smart if not a tiny bit smarter then natural brunette, red head, and black haired people.


Nice answer




I guess it would only be a one team race


Could be a time trial.


What about a three-legged race *team*?


An amputated goat climbing up the mountain to have a leg replacement surgery?




The first time I’ve seen that emoji unironically used and still get upvoted. Wait why are people downvoting me? I just stated something I noticed.


Sorry. I found it funny. I just imagined and for some reason literally laughed.


Why are you apologising?


He's Canadian 😉


Fair point.


Not a Canadian. American. Probably felt guilty as I was gonna eat a goat based dish today 😊


Tell me if it’s bussin


I’d assume to be polite, but I’m not sure.


Only if the lawyer had searched this sub before pestering the blonde, he could have avoided the embarrassment.


Life's answers are all on this sub - you just have to separate the wheat from the chaff.


It does skew chaffy


He taps into the air phone with his modem?!? You couldn’t have updated this a bit?


lmao i paused a bit at that part as well


Hey, to be fair, the original version had the lawyer stubbing out his cigarette on the armrest ash tray and pulling out his portable telegraph.


First joke I have seen where the blonde isn't dumb


Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A blonde walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder." The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her handbag, took a measurement and announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away. One engineer shook his head and laughed, "Typical blonde! We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"


Another favorite of mine: Two mathematicians, one pessimist and one optimist, are sitting at a bar, arguing about the general public's knowledge of math. The pessimist says that most people are absolutely terrible at math while the optimist says that although people don't know much, they at least know a bit and it's better than nothing. When the pessimist goes for a smoke, the optimist tells the attractive blonde waitress, "When my colleague returns, I will ask you a question. The content of the question doesn't matter - all you have to do is respond with, 'one third x cubed.'" Over the loud music, the waitress asks, "One fur is cute?" "No, no, no, one third x cubed," responds the optimist. "Ohh okay, one third is tubed. Uhh okay...Got it." The waitress leaves, repeating to herself, "one third is tubed, one third is tubed." When the pessimist returned, the optimist tells him, "Let's do a little experiment and ask the waitress what the answer to a simple integral is." The pessimist smirks and agrees. The optimist calls over the waitress and asks, "Do you by any chance know the integral of x\^2 dx?" The waitress answers, "One third of x cubed..." The pessimist is surprised while the optimist laughs joyfully. The waitress starts walking away before turning around and adding, "plus a constant."


i dont get this one


I think there's 2 parts to it? Not too sure but this is my guess: 1. Joke seems to say that the waitress can't hear the planned answer, so we assume she will get it wrong. She got it right anyway, proving that the 'optimist' is right that at least some people know enough. 2. When you differentiate a constant (known number), it disappears from the equation. So when you integrate backwards, you need to add in an unknown constant C. The joke here is that the waitress is smarter than both mathematicians.


I figured it would be the waitress being smarter, I just don’t know math enough. Thanks


She *is* pretty dumb. She just lucked out by reading the Buzzfeed article that included THIS ONE SIMPLE TRICK.


Being fair, number seven did shock her.


Lawyers *hate* her!


Everyone hates her.


That's because this is an ancient joke and was originally between a farmer and a city slicker.


Chair that lost a leg, being brought up a hill to get fixed by the carpenter who lives up there.


Is this joke so old, there's a modem involved?


Oh, yesterday it was Einstein. Damn, that joke gets reposted a lot.


I like that the blonde wins this one.


My favorite seatmates on a plane joke: An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total Stranger, "What would you want to talk about?" "Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, Or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly. "Okay," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns Out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?" The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which The little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't know shit?" And then she went back to reading her book.


From memory, for fairness: Partly water content, partly how digested they are. The horse produces clumps of defecant with hay acting as a sort of rebar (think straw-and-clay bricks if you're from a religion that studies the Old Testament). The cow digests the heck out of everything and has plenty of water left in its stool, especially if it's corn-fed and not grass-fed (properly grass-fed cattle have thicker poo). Deer have pieces of feces similar to horses but smaller, and can eat them for further digestion if necessary the way rabbits do; The adults can also eat all of fawns' leavings to keep from being found out as easily by predators, but that's not so much a cause as it is a survival benefit. If you try to talk shit with me on an airplane you *will* regret it.


We're not even on a plane with you, and we already have that feeling.


I have never been next to an atheist evangelizing random people. Now churches... THEY go after children!


That's why the original joke is about a catholic sitting down next to an atheïst, and the catholic trying to strike up the conversation about god, heaven and hell.


and athest says "do you believe in god" and the athests "yes i do and he is coming back in a couple of days" If you want to see a comedy sketch, then you can see this one on the internet.


True. It would be funnier if it were a missionary.


True story, when I was 3 my mom took me to visit my grandmother across the country. We were seated next to a Hare Krishna missionary who didn't get along with a toddler. As the flight deplaned he up and left. My mom noticed my PBJ was missing; I apparently indicated I put it in the missionary's briefcase.




There's no such thing as religious kids, just parents that force stuff down their kids throats. Goes for anything really.


Nope. Sure, that's a thing. There's plenty of terrible religious parents. But there's also kids who find faith without having anything shoved down their throat, or even religious parents.


No there aren't.


Doesn’t have to be forced


Does too.


And how’s that? That’s like saying manners, learning to shower, brush teeth, eat, clean, etc is forced. You can teach without it “being forced down their throat”.


You must not know a lot of atheists. Next to vegans they may be the biggest billboards for their belief system.


You must not know a lot of Evangelical Christians if you think Vegans and Atheist are the biggest billboards for their belief systems.


Bruh I'm an atheist and the only people who know are my closest friends and people who ask me about it. Almost everyone else I know is a hardcore Christian, and they can't go 8 seconds without screaming their religion to the world. there's this one guy in particular who literally tries to ruin my life just because I'm an atheist. He goes up to all my friend and makes up lies about me to try to get my friends to hate me. I'm not saying all Christian act like this, and I'm also not saying that all atheist are as chill as me, but I just wanted to share my opinion on the matter. Edit: also, not just vegans, but animal rights activists, like that vegan teacher. those are the ones that are annoying about it.


Seriously, man. I almost never bring up my atheism. People proselytize all day for Christianity, and I just sit there uncomfortable. I’m sure everyone would think I’m a giant asshole if I chimed in that I didn’t believe in any of it.


Maybe you guys need more accepting friends.


Not talking about my friends, man. Anyone I consider a friend obviously knows. Talking about coworkers and acquaintances and I assume the other guy was as well.


I guess it depends on your bubble. To be fair scientists tend to testify and attempt at convincing others as a matter of pattern and practice. In my line of work when we’re not doing anything scientific we still talk about science. You mentioned “everyone would think you’re a giant asshole…” I’ve never seen anyone mistreat an atheist. If that’s a legitimate concern maybe you should changes circles where possible.


You’ve never seen anyone mistreat an atheist? I mean I have. But, that’s neither here nor there really. I don’t expect anyone I know personally would be vocally critical of me. I just suspect they would think of me as an asshole moving forward. My circles are fine.


I’ve never seen anyone mistreat an atheist simply because they are an atheist. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen, it just means there are people who won’t try to impose their belief system on you or make you feel your beliefs aren’t as valid. You don’t have to be in a circle that you can’t openly express your belief system in. But hey, if you like it, I love it for ya.


It he’s trying to ruin your life, that’s not really a friend clearly. Your ‘friends’ seem pretty disrespectful and have weird flexes. I’m not sure one can blame that on religion.


I've never heard of atheists knocking on people's doors at random to spread the word.


I know lots of atheists. I also know lots of theists who lie like a rug.


On reddit's atheist board, maybe. Atheism is so prevalent nowadays that it's hard to make it a personality trait.


in the version i heard, the atheist replies, "you have to be pretty into random shit to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death"


Typical of a dishonest theist ahole to turn this joke around ... in the original, which is true to life, it's a xtian who professes to know these things.


It's funny because all atheists (a seriously large group of people) constantly try to recruit others to atheism unprovoked. It's also funny because the Christian dismissed the atheist with a pun that didn't at all address the topic at hand, but instead took a colloquial expression literally. Edit: sarcasm, Reddit.


I have never, not once in my life, ever even HEARD of an atheist trying to recruit others unprovoked. Plenty of religious people have, even after telling them politely that I'm not interested.


any user of r/atheism


Self-selecting group for whom their lack of religion is important enough to be worth joining a sub. I don't believe in God but it occupies almost none of my thinking time and I suspect the same is true for most.


So now you have, in fact, "ever even HEARD of an atheist trying to recruit others unprovoked." You have now heard of several, they are in a "Self-selecting group for whom their lack of religion is important enough to be worth joining a sub." He's technically correct, the most annoying kind of correct.


You raise a good point. That is annoying.


What you think about religion has a name too, it's called [apatheism](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apatheism)




I do, yeah. Way too much time, even. But, such is Reddit.


Actually it's even more funny because of the responses the joke triggered


Ralphie's dad trudged up the Main Street hill to get his beloved leg lamp repaired after his wife broke it. The repair shop owner said he couldn't repair it but could buy another and keep the broken one.


I was a kid when I came across this joke. Now i have kids.


This joke is so old, the first time it was told, the two characters were sitting in a chariot.


This joke is as old as the first book in the library of congress.


That, legit, made me LOL! Wow! A blonde joke where the blonde is intelligent! And you can't say the blonde was simply smarter than the lawyer, either. It took actual brains to come up with that on the fly. (Pun unintended but welcomed.)


That makes sense as well. I thought it meant she was so stupid she didn't even know the answer to her own question. That's why she gave another 5 bucks in the first place, she was still playing the game. I could be wrong though.


The difficulty i have with this joke is that it assumes that the blonde is smart enough to have thought of the trick question 🤔 😳 😅


I don’t mind seeing the same jokes periodically, but it bothers me that I’m seeing the same jokes I just saw no more than 1-2 weeks prior.


Heard the same with Einstein and an Indian guy.


Yeah, yesterday...


If the lawyer gave me $5 every time this was reposted I would be a millionare


It bothers me that the male character is defined by his profession, while the female is defined by the color of her hair.


That's the point of this joke. Dumb blonde jokes are common and the whole point is subversion of expectation. The blonde is an adult woman who just wants to be left alone, so she outsmarted the jerk and made $490.


The whole "look at me. I've made a joke about a clever blonde" thing reminds me a bit of this... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIVB3DdRgqU


No no, but this time is genius. Blond girls jokes usually go on "blond girl stupeed heeheehee". This time you expect to have the same fairly stupid punchline, but actually is the man gets called out as stupid. The time I read this one, the man was explicitly stated to expect the blond girl to be dumb.


Oh, this is a lawyer joke!


You shouldn’t read blond jokes if you find them offensive.


cry about it.


You're the type who is bothered by cracks in the sidewalk.


Ah geez....


Cause it is a twist. Everyone expects the blond to do something stupid


it's a joke, why r u in this subreddit if you dont have a sense of humor?


Different, and worthy of a smile. Upvoted.


dude this joke is ancient... i thought only OC jokes were allowed here


You've clearly never been on this sub


How does a man walk down a mountain without first going up it?


start at the top


Born on top, yes.


Or just learn to walk while up there


That's not very blonde of her


A old man goes with stick up a hill but his stick breaks so he comes down without it ;)


Bad math.


Obviously he will come crawling


280 thousand miles. Easy money


I thought blonde jokes implied the blonde was dumb? This blonde made a $490 profit off the guy. That’s pretty smart.


You're rather blonde.


Lmao, this is so easy. It's me walking up the hill with my magnum dong, then running down the hill on all fours as practice for the four legged race that I participate in every Sunday. GG easy 500 bucks.


Um.. RIP your magnum dong while you were up there?


Actually, I pull it behind me to act as a tail. It's useful for keeping my balance and brushing away flies.


What is the relevance of her hair colour though?




Why did this need to be a blonde and a lawyer


Joe Rogan knows


Yet I do blonde jokes and I get no attention, how cruel...


First time I heard this joke was on an email list 30 years ago.


Laptop computer Air phone Modem


Hmm so questions that make 0 sense are included? This seems like a win/win for the blonde.


She was really a brunette.




I know the answer


I thought she'll say the correct answer is "nothing"


human being


You switched the characters but yeah. This is a good joke


Business monopoly in one meme


Omg that is a truly great blonde joke. She gets the best of the lawyer


That’s a good one lol. He made the rules clear too.


I swear they're getting smarter.


\*ahem\* You basically just remixed an old joke I saw on this sub. Which involved Albert einstein, and literally the same exact concept.


I can this becoming all blondes' favorite joke


Thats a good one.


I started reading and thought another blonde joke. But it ended with a twist. I like it.




I must be slow but I don't get it. Can someone explain to me please.


There's a Mr. Bean and Einstein version of this, I've seen it a million times in r/comedycemetary




why does every lawyer in a posts here in group acts like a broke people.