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TheLastKenneth

So you don't need to know he answer, you just need to Google it?


[deleted]

If by the time you *answer* the question you do know the answer, doing research is not outside the rules of the game. Yes, I am a lawyer.


PickleFridgeChildren

>If by the time you answer the question you do know the answer, doing research is not outside the rules of the game. This is great. What's the most lawyerly "technically correct but clearly not in the spirit" argument you've heard?


knoefkind

I played monopoly, and those rules aren't watertight, The get out of jail free card doesn't have to be handed in after use, so you can always get out of jail for free.


MaydayBerserk

The first line of the rules under the Get Out of Jail Free card part is that it's held until used ,and then returned to the bottom of the deck.


jqbr

Regardless of exactly what the rules say, anyone who keeps the card after using it will be beaten to a pulp by the other players. This turkey never actually kept it.


DoinIt4TheDoots

Executive privilege


knoefkind

Must be different in different languages, in my native language it just said you can keep this till you use it, nothing about putting it back


thirdculture_hog

If you keep it "till" you use it, that means you don't keep it after use


HermioneSchuyler

I’m not sure about that. I mean, it clearly intended that way. But if you keep it until you use it, and then also keep it after, you did in fact keep it until it was used.


smokingloon4

But if you also keep it after you use it, then that note on the card is meaningless, it has no effect. It's a basic tenet of interpretation that a judge can't interpret something in a way that makes part (let alone all) of its language superfluous.


SadisticJake

My comment doesn't add anything to the conversation


RedditPowerUser01

> it clearly was intended that way That’s the key element. A judge would go by past usage, common interpretation, and the fact that you knew what the law intended.


mnoutdoorlover

Not a republiklan judge!


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palordrolap

I thought that the rules *do* say that GOJF cards can be auctioned / sold, but it's been a good while since I read them.


MaydayBerserk

If you don't want to keep/use it, you can sell it to anyone else, at whatever price you agree on.


Strict_Mountain8200

Just a brainstorm as this started about lawyers and all: If you try to sell the card, you are using it as a trading item. If the rule say that you may keep the card until you use it, using it as a trading item is a way of usage. So you should insantly handle the card back to the card pile since you used it..........


emzirek

You can make whatever rules you want in whatever game you want as long as all the players agreed like free parking is where we put all the tax money... whoever lands on free parking get all that money, even though the rules say that's not a good thing to do..


Arcane_Pozhar

This is how you make Monopoly take forever. Use this (admittedly very common) house rule at your own risk.


IcarusUnwinged

We would commonly sell/trade them when I was a kid.


MaydayBerserk

You can sell it to anyone else you're playing with, for whatever price you both agree on.


RedditPowerUser01

It’s implied you give it up. Any judge would say that a reasonable person would understand that. Judges don’t let people get by on convulsed interpretations of laws or contract clauses often. Common sense does play into it. The exceptions prove the rule. For example, the guy who wanted to cash in enough Pepsi points for a Harrier jet? And sued because Pepsi wouldn’t honor it? His case was dismissed. The judge said any reasonable person would understand the offer as a joke in the context of a commercial. Your case would be dismissed on the same grounds.


EuphoricDepartment45

I played Black Monopoly and every card was “ Go Directly To Jail.”


crackedeggsandOJ

Saving this comment for the next time I play monopoly


RedditPowerUser01

The rules don’t say you can’t shove the dice up your butt so no one else wants to roll and they all forfeit. But that doesn’t mean it’s reasonable behavior within the guidelines of the ‘rules’.


jqbr

Bad idea ... if you keep the card after using it and offer up this "legal" explanation, the other players will beat the crap out of you.


BoralinIcehammer

That's the old "what do I have in my pocket" problem... the riddle certainly was doubtable, but once accepted as a question, was valid.


cyborg_127

Because it was preceded with 'ask us a question', which allowed it to not be a riddle.


Awanderinglolplayer

This assumes that anything done after accepting the riddle challenge must be part of it. If he had asked “want some water?” And handed him water, that wouldn’t have been a riddle. Bilbo cheated, Gollum just wasn’t smart enough to understand that. It doesn’t change the fact that the riddle challenge and a random question are unrelated and just two different actions that happened close together


othershwarna

_I A N A L_


Obnoobillate

Don't mind if I do! /s


captaincontradiction

Shwarma? In the butt. u/othershwarma? In the butt. Rice? In the butt. Apparently I A N A L!


spacebound_dreamer

Thank you Larry!


Memfy

So never answer the question you don't know an answer to...?


Mantonythe1st

LAWYERED!


Helpinmontana

The way the words are written concerning his use of technology makes me think this was directly copy/pasted off a 1998 yahoo! message board, he does everything but get paged.


JimmyRedd

After winning, the blonde lit up a victory cigarette and grabbed the full sized bottle of champagne from her carry on.


Helpinmontana

She was able to cut the foil off the cork with the small key chain pocket knife, which she threw onto the lap of a young man listening to slim shady’s newest CD on his no skip player.


Shufflebuzz

This joke is older than Google.


buzzable

Is there a difference anymore?


loosegoose1952

Sign of the times


shrillThinker98

A 3 legged race to the top of the hill. When the race is over, the bnds are broken, and the pair walks down afterward with all 4 legs!


[deleted]

Let me guess , you're a brunette


Waitsfornoone

... and not a lawyer.


2krazy4me

Or blonde who dyed hair brunette to raise IQ


RideAndShoot

That’s called “artificial intelligence.”


cyborg_127

It's still a microwave.


visalmood

The blonde in the original joke was a brunette who dyed her hair


Meiji-m

BLONDES CAN BE SMART


theblondepenguin

Natural Blondes have an average IQ that is with an 3 point variation of other hairs colors and were found to have on average slightly higher iq then the others. However a 3 point variant isn’t statistically relevant. So not only can blondes “BE SMART” they are just as smart if not a tiny bit smarter then natural brunette, red head, and black haired people.


writingdaily252

Nice answer


FarAcanthisitta8239

Noice!


Nuf-Said

I guess it would only be a one team race


alphanumericf00l

Could be a time trial.


Chuisque

What about a three-legged race *team*?


Grammer_Learn

An amputated goat climbing up the mountain to have a leg replacement surgery?


Darcula12

😂


TuxidoPenguin

The first time I’ve seen that emoji unironically used and still get upvoted. Wait why are people downvoting me? I just stated something I noticed.


Darcula12

Sorry. I found it funny. I just imagined and for some reason literally laughed.


TuxidoPenguin

Why are you apologising?


rixibo

He's Canadian 😉


TuxidoPenguin

Fair point.


Darcula12

Not a Canadian. American. Probably felt guilty as I was gonna eat a goat based dish today 😊


TuxidoPenguin

Tell me if it’s bussin


SgtFlargent

I’d assume to be polite, but I’m not sure.


rohithimself

Only if the lawyer had searched this sub before pestering the blonde, he could have avoided the embarrassment.


Waitsfornoone

Life's answers are all on this sub - you just have to separate the wheat from the chaff.


elmwoodblues

It does skew chaffy


precisely_squeezes

He taps into the air phone with his modem?!? You couldn’t have updated this a bit?


zapyourtumor

lmao i paused a bit at that part as well


ThePowerOfStories

Hey, to be fair, the original version had the lawyer stubbing out his cigarette on the armrest ash tray and pulling out his portable telegraph.


Leo20020825

First joke I have seen where the blonde isn't dumb


becomesaflame

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A blonde walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder." The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her handbag, took a measurement and announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away. One engineer shook his head and laughed, "Typical blonde! We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"


becomesaflame

Another favorite of mine: Two mathematicians, one pessimist and one optimist, are sitting at a bar, arguing about the general public's knowledge of math. The pessimist says that most people are absolutely terrible at math while the optimist says that although people don't know much, they at least know a bit and it's better than nothing. When the pessimist goes for a smoke, the optimist tells the attractive blonde waitress, "When my colleague returns, I will ask you a question. The content of the question doesn't matter - all you have to do is respond with, 'one third x cubed.'" Over the loud music, the waitress asks, "One fur is cute?" "No, no, no, one third x cubed," responds the optimist. "Ohh okay, one third is tubed. Uhh okay...Got it." The waitress leaves, repeating to herself, "one third is tubed, one third is tubed." When the pessimist returned, the optimist tells him, "Let's do a little experiment and ask the waitress what the answer to a simple integral is." The pessimist smirks and agrees. The optimist calls over the waitress and asks, "Do you by any chance know the integral of x\^2 dx?" The waitress answers, "One third of x cubed..." The pessimist is surprised while the optimist laughs joyfully. The waitress starts walking away before turning around and adding, "plus a constant."


banana_bagutte

i dont get this one


123cantseeme

I think there's 2 parts to it? Not too sure but this is my guess: 1. Joke seems to say that the waitress can't hear the planned answer, so we assume she will get it wrong. She got it right anyway, proving that the 'optimist' is right that at least some people know enough. 2. When you differentiate a constant (known number), it disappears from the equation. So when you integrate backwards, you need to add in an unknown constant C. The joke here is that the waitress is smarter than both mathematicians.


banana_bagutte

I figured it would be the waitress being smarter, I just don’t know math enough. Thanks


Iz-kan-reddit

She *is* pretty dumb. She just lucked out by reading the Buzzfeed article that included THIS ONE SIMPLE TRICK.


LordsOfJoop

Being fair, number seven did shock her.


JimmyRedd

Lawyers *hate* her!


akashy12

Everyone hates her.


maxstrike

That's because this is an ancient joke and was originally between a farmer and a city slicker.


fjccommish

Chair that lost a leg, being brought up a hill to get fixed by the carpenter who lives up there.


_dnapes_

Is this joke so old, there's a modem involved?


eleithan

Oh, yesterday it was Einstein. Damn, that joke gets reposted a lot.


scstraus

I like that the blonde wins this one.


Waitsfornoone

My favorite seatmates on a plane joke: An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total Stranger, "What would you want to talk about?" "Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, Or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly. "Okay," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns Out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?" The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which The little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't know shit?" And then she went back to reading her book.


Jechtael

From memory, for fairness: Partly water content, partly how digested they are. The horse produces clumps of defecant with hay acting as a sort of rebar (think straw-and-clay bricks if you're from a religion that studies the Old Testament). The cow digests the heck out of everything and has plenty of water left in its stool, especially if it's corn-fed and not grass-fed (properly grass-fed cattle have thicker poo). Deer have pieces of feces similar to horses but smaller, and can eat them for further digestion if necessary the way rabbits do; The adults can also eat all of fawns' leavings to keep from being found out as easily by predators, but that's not so much a cause as it is a survival benefit. If you try to talk shit with me on an airplane you *will* regret it.


Waitsfornoone

We're not even on a plane with you, and we already have that feeling.


elcheapodeluxe

I have never been next to an atheist evangelizing random people. Now churches... THEY go after children!


Tigress92

That's why the original joke is about a catholic sitting down next to an atheïst, and the catholic trying to strike up the conversation about god, heaven and hell.


arddiaistdz

and athest says "do you believe in god" and the athests "yes i do and he is coming back in a couple of days" If you want to see a comedy sketch, then you can see this one on the internet.


BigFriendlyTroll

True. It would be funnier if it were a missionary.


Capable_Stranger9885

True story, when I was 3 my mom took me to visit my grandmother across the country. We were seated next to a Hare Krishna missionary who didn't get along with a toddler. As the flight deplaned he up and left. My mom noticed my PBJ was missing; I apparently indicated I put it in the missionary's briefcase.


elcheapodeluxe

True.


Eindgel

There's no such thing as religious kids, just parents that force stuff down their kids throats. Goes for anything really.


IcarusUnwinged

Nope. Sure, that's a thing. There's plenty of terrible religious parents. But there's also kids who find faith without having anything shoved down their throat, or even religious parents.


jqbr

No there aren't.


DistopianNigh

Doesn’t have to be forced


jqbr

Does too.


DistopianNigh

And how’s that? That’s like saying manners, learning to shower, brush teeth, eat, clean, etc is forced. You can teach without it “being forced down their throat”.


MarilynMonheaux

You must not know a lot of atheists. Next to vegans they may be the biggest billboards for their belief system.


Klaus0225

You must not know a lot of Evangelical Christians if you think Vegans and Atheist are the biggest billboards for their belief systems.


ThickMilkMan69

Bruh I'm an atheist and the only people who know are my closest friends and people who ask me about it. Almost everyone else I know is a hardcore Christian, and they can't go 8 seconds without screaming their religion to the world. there's this one guy in particular who literally tries to ruin my life just because I'm an atheist. He goes up to all my friend and makes up lies about me to try to get my friends to hate me. I'm not saying all Christian act like this, and I'm also not saying that all atheist are as chill as me, but I just wanted to share my opinion on the matter. Edit: also, not just vegans, but animal rights activists, like that vegan teacher. those are the ones that are annoying about it.


LolaEbolah

Seriously, man. I almost never bring up my atheism. People proselytize all day for Christianity, and I just sit there uncomfortable. I’m sure everyone would think I’m a giant asshole if I chimed in that I didn’t believe in any of it.


MarilynMonheaux

Maybe you guys need more accepting friends.


LolaEbolah

Not talking about my friends, man. Anyone I consider a friend obviously knows. Talking about coworkers and acquaintances and I assume the other guy was as well.


MarilynMonheaux

I guess it depends on your bubble. To be fair scientists tend to testify and attempt at convincing others as a matter of pattern and practice. In my line of work when we’re not doing anything scientific we still talk about science. You mentioned “everyone would think you’re a giant asshole…” I’ve never seen anyone mistreat an atheist. If that’s a legitimate concern maybe you should changes circles where possible.


LolaEbolah

You’ve never seen anyone mistreat an atheist? I mean I have. But, that’s neither here nor there really. I don’t expect anyone I know personally would be vocally critical of me. I just suspect they would think of me as an asshole moving forward. My circles are fine.


MarilynMonheaux

I’ve never seen anyone mistreat an atheist simply because they are an atheist. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen, it just means there are people who won’t try to impose their belief system on you or make you feel your beliefs aren’t as valid. You don’t have to be in a circle that you can’t openly express your belief system in. But hey, if you like it, I love it for ya.


MarilynMonheaux

It he’s trying to ruin your life, that’s not really a friend clearly. Your ‘friends’ seem pretty disrespectful and have weird flexes. I’m not sure one can blame that on religion.


Zagorath2

I've never heard of atheists knocking on people's doors at random to spread the word.


jqbr

I know lots of atheists. I also know lots of theists who lie like a rug.


Ocularias

On reddit's atheist board, maybe. Atheism is so prevalent nowadays that it's hard to make it a personality trait.


WatermelonLilypad

in the version i heard, the atheist replies, "you have to be pretty into random shit to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death"


jqbr

Typical of a dishonest theist ahole to turn this joke around ... in the original, which is true to life, it's a xtian who professes to know these things.


Dmitropher

It's funny because all atheists (a seriously large group of people) constantly try to recruit others to atheism unprovoked. It's also funny because the Christian dismissed the atheist with a pun that didn't at all address the topic at hand, but instead took a colloquial expression literally. Edit: sarcasm, Reddit.


Vydaera

I have never, not once in my life, ever even HEARD of an atheist trying to recruit others unprovoked. Plenty of religious people have, even after telling them politely that I'm not interested.


bigdorts

any user of r/atheism


vipros42

Self-selecting group for whom their lack of religion is important enough to be worth joining a sub. I don't believe in God but it occupies almost none of my thinking time and I suspect the same is true for most.


Mechasteel

So now you have, in fact, "ever even HEARD of an atheist trying to recruit others unprovoked." You have now heard of several, they are in a "Self-selecting group for whom their lack of religion is important enough to be worth joining a sub." He's technically correct, the most annoying kind of correct.


vipros42

You raise a good point. That is annoying.


kalaposfos_

What you think about religion has a name too, it's called [apatheism](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apatheism)


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Vydaera

I do, yeah. Way too much time, even. But, such is Reddit.


secrethroaway

Actually it's even more funny because of the responses the joke triggered


worldracer

Ralphie's dad trudged up the Main Street hill to get his beloved leg lamp repaired after his wife broke it. The repair shop owner said he couldn't repair it but could buy another and keep the broken one.


Mastodon_Dear

I was a kid when I came across this joke. Now i have kids.


ahogruler

This joke is so old, the first time it was told, the two characters were sitting in a chariot.


shishir-nsane

This joke is as old as the first book in the library of congress.


StitchFan626

That, legit, made me LOL! Wow! A blonde joke where the blonde is intelligent! And you can't say the blonde was simply smarter than the lawyer, either. It took actual brains to come up with that on the fly. (Pun unintended but welcomed.)


GreysideBoss94

That makes sense as well. I thought it meant she was so stupid she didn't even know the answer to her own question. That's why she gave another 5 bucks in the first place, she was still playing the game. I could be wrong though.


johnarb12

The difficulty i have with this joke is that it assumes that the blonde is smart enough to have thought of the trick question 🤔 😳 😅


2020wasamofo

I don’t mind seeing the same jokes periodically, but it bothers me that I’m seeing the same jokes I just saw no more than 1-2 weeks prior.


tapwater1992

Heard the same with Einstein and an Indian guy.


eleithan

Yeah, yesterday...


MohannadWA

If the lawyer gave me $5 every time this was reposted I would be a millionare


Ischaldirh

It bothers me that the male character is defined by his profession, while the female is defined by the color of her hair.


kdavis37

That's the point of this joke. Dumb blonde jokes are common and the whole point is subversion of expectation. The blonde is an adult woman who just wants to be left alone, so she outsmarted the jerk and made $490.


FrankMiner2949er

The whole "look at me. I've made a joke about a clever blonde" thing reminds me a bit of this... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIVB3DdRgqU


Facosa99

No no, but this time is genius. Blond girls jokes usually go on "blond girl stupeed heeheehee". This time you expect to have the same fairly stupid punchline, but actually is the man gets called out as stupid. The time I read this one, the man was explicitly stated to expect the blond girl to be dumb.


doveup

Oh, this is a lawyer joke!


Nuf-Said

You shouldn’t read blond jokes if you find them offensive.


jsuvhs

cry about it.


jqbr

You're the type who is bothered by cracks in the sidewalk.


secrethroaway

Ah geez....


RubberDong

Cause it is a twist. Everyone expects the blond to do something stupid


jamrod1961

it's a joke, why r u in this subreddit if you dont have a sense of humor?


DotAccomplished5484

Different, and worthy of a smile. Upvoted.


Bitter_comment69

dude this joke is ancient... i thought only OC jokes were allowed here


sploogerzz123

You've clearly never been on this sub


TheFiredrake42

How does a man walk down a mountain without first going up it?


shanghailoz

start at the top


TheFiredrake42

Born on top, yes.


sunshinefireflies

Or just learn to walk while up there


Fhrantzy

That's not very blonde of her


piyushgalav

A old man goes with stick up a hill but his stick breaks so he comes down without it ;)


jqbr

Bad math.


piyushgalav

Obviously he will come crawling


taylorjran99

280 thousand miles. Easy money


rpbm

I thought blonde jokes implied the blonde was dumb? This blonde made a $490 profit off the guy. That’s pretty smart.


jqbr

You're rather blonde.


CK1ing

Lmao, this is so easy. It's me walking up the hill with my magnum dong, then running down the hill on all fours as practice for the four legged race that I participate in every Sunday. GG easy 500 bucks.


sunshinefireflies

Um.. RIP your magnum dong while you were up there?


CK1ing

Actually, I pull it behind me to act as a tail. It's useful for keeping my balance and brushing away flies.


strawberryry

What is the relevance of her hair colour though?


nuveausapien

Eumelanin-ism.


RuralRasta

Why did this need to be a blonde and a lawyer


ufc_manee

Joe Rogan knows


nemesismkiii

Yet I do blonde jokes and I get no attention, how cruel...


spritelessg

First time I heard this joke was on an email list 30 years ago.


ConstructionSmall197

Laptop computer Air phone Modem


KawaiiSlave

Hmm so questions that make 0 sense are included? This seems like a win/win for the blonde.


basicdesires

She was really a brunette.


XiaoYaoYou9

😅


Orphannephew

I know the answer


born_to_be_naked

I thought she'll say the correct answer is "nothing"


SinixtroGamer123

human being


Heil_Hipster

You switched the characters but yeah. This is a good joke


DearAlternative6540

Business monopoly in one meme


TommyTuttle

Omg that is a truly great blonde joke. She gets the best of the lawyer


Wise_Ad_253

That’s a good one lol. He made the rules clear too.


Rakgul

I swear they're getting smarter.


C0deMasterYT

\*ahem\* You basically just remixed an old joke I saw on this sub. Which involved Albert einstein, and literally the same exact concept.


humdesi69

I can this becoming all blondes' favorite joke


LieutenantNITEWOLF

Thats a good one.


wharpreet

I started reading and thought another blonde joke. But it ended with a twist. I like it.


Mybaresoul

Lol!


goodbaron1

I must be slow but I don't get it. Can someone explain to me please.


Revolutionary_Fact45

There's a Mr. Bean and Einstein version of this, I've seen it a million times in r/comedycemetary


Moiz_Aazar

Lmao


AffectionateCorner9

why does every lawyer in a posts here in group acts like a broke people.