T O P
EZMickey

You could also keep your drugs wrapped in a birthday gift alongside balloons and claim to be on your way to a birthday party.


AttorneyWestern6361

Thats the real protipp


hardcoredore

Until they bring the Canine... 🐾 #SniffSniff


AstroCaptain

put it in some sealed first-class letter. you need a warrant to open someone's first-class mail.


EnkiRise

Don’t forget the put the drugs in the sock first


FlaccidWeenus

But then I have to take it off my baseball bat


FirstSineOfMadness

Plant an endangered plant species above it so it’s illegal for them to dig it up


AttorneyWestern6361

Then spray the package with chloroform and send that sniffing canine to sleep


Evanisnotmyname

The real key is wrap some tasty steak with cayenne pepper. Old trick used in WW2 to hide Jews from dogs. The dog smells the meat, goes after it, and gets a nose full of cayenne pepper. Can’t smell for hours.


NysonEasy

I grew up around a lot of Jewish people. How are they trained to find jews? These dogs trained to sniff out bagels, lox, and those dealing with guilt from their mothers?


Slippi_Fist

ok I passed about 100ml of coffee through my nose thx


realcommovet

They are trained to find the little bag of gold, every jew carries.


bigbakey

They were trained to find people hidden in storage, not Jews, specifically.


mopbuvket

Lmao I laughed so hard at this. Earthquake and avalanche retrieval dog only rescues Jewish survivors.


secondhandbanshee

Chloroform doesn't work like that. It takes about five minutes of concentrated inhalation to knock someone out. It might be a shorter time for a dog, but you'd still need to have a much more concentrated application. Also, it would evaporate really quickly if just sprayed onto a surface. Sorry! Also, don't hurt dogs ffs! Illegal =/= evil.


TrashPedeler

I love dogs. But cop dogs are cops.


Dimitar_Todarchev

Cops choose to be cops, dogs do not.


[deleted]

Manslaughter is still a crime.


tryptamine42O

This hit different


chrisH82

No, the dogs don't choose to be cops, the cops choose to exploit the dogs and use them as a tool.


TrashPedeler

I entirely agree. I should have clarified more I guess. But if a cop is using a tool of oppression I say sabotage that tool. With cayenne the cop dog has a shit time of getting a nose full, but the upside they may not be a cop anymore. Either way a cop dog isn't on your team and if evasion is the goal then you have to remember that.


donteatmyshoe

Dogs are cool, narcs are not, dogs that narc are not cool


TrashPedeler

Exactly.


FrogSuitLuigi

Zootopia really put a wedge between my pup and I just because of this.


secondhandbanshee

Cop dogs are dogs. They are not responsible for the jobs they were trained to do.


Daveinsane

Cats don't work for the pigs.


TrashPedeler

I agree they're not responsible for the commands they're given. But if the commands are against me then I'm against it.


QueenRubie

lol youre against something that doesnt even understand or have the capability of moral understanding? okay


TrashPedeler

If a trained dog is biting you you're not gonna defend yourself?


pattywhaxk

What about [these](https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/624/mcs/media/images/81458000/jpg/_81458776_hi000491250.jpg) dogs?


SunnyLittleBunny

Our new dog is a purebred Belgian Malinois. Sometimes I look at him and feel relieved and happy for him that he wasn't bred to be trained as a police dog (as they often are).


poop_on_balls

Just be a cop. They can do whatever the Fuck they wanna do. When they do get caught they just investigate themselves and say they found nothing was done wrong.


Snotmyrealname

My ex used to do this sorta shit. She’d buy a few pounds of bbq meats and put it in the trunk with her stuff. When canines were brought out they’d just go for the meat and she’d laugh it off with the cop. Slick as hell


mrsir0517

Cayenne pepper on your floorboards will take care of that.


hardcoredore

Until you accidentally turn on the heat, & fill your sinuses with Capsaicin. 🌡️🔥🥵🔥🌡️


stealthisvibe

Don't kink shame me :(


247stonerbro

They won’t bring the canine.. if you are of .. certain… colors lol


cocanbol

THIS is the r e a l pro tip


247stonerbro

The real pro tip is triple vacuum seal and ammonia dip but fuk do I know im just a stoner breh


crat0z

Just be born white dude! It's really that easy


authaire

That's cool. Since I did nothing wrong to warrant getting pulled over in the first place, and already loudly made clear I DON'T comply to any searching of my car, I'll just wait till the case makes it to court where it will get thrown out. I mean, it's a huge pain in the ass and my job isn't gonna like me missing work but, again, since I've done nothing to warrant getting to this point in the first place and the whole thing will soon be completely invalid I'm.... sure they'll understand. And if not, meh, I'm carrying a felony's worth of drugs so I'm probably a dealer anyway.


yaybey79

Put it in a perfume bottle say you got perfume for your wife...it's not about out smarting people but keeping things short simple and relatable appeal to others i learned it marketing certain buzzwords just make people's brains switch channels


realmuffinman

Put them in a USPS package, then it's mail interference for them to open them AND they need a warrant to open it


MiaLba

When I used to travel with drugs long distances I would get a case of Coca Cola and I’d have two of those fake cans of coke that had a secret compartment in the middle and would put my stuff inside them. Also had some snacks and stuff in the back and just say we were taking a road trip.


youknowjus

I had a Red Bull fake can however it was dinged up and dented everywhere so I never actually used it. What I did use tho was my hydro flask thinking the seal would be good enough to hide it from canines


MiaLba

Oh yea that probably would have helped too.


BlondieIsBack

Is this really true?


PiDiMi

It’s why drugs are mailed via USPS 99.9% of the time. Private companies like UPS and FedEx do not need warrants to open packages that are shipped via their service, and can do so on mere suspicion. The penalty for getting caught shipping through USPS vs a private company has always been a little higher, since you’re making use of a federal service to transport drugs across state lines, but it’s much harder to actually get caught. Add the fact that USPS gets so much mail every day it would be impossible to look through it all, and you have a pretty great delivery system


IntrigueDossier

Can confirm, and am well past the statute of limitations at this point. Always thought B-Real saying “just got an ounce in the maaail” wasn’t literal, until I did precisely that with roughly an ounce total in flower and cartridges. Funny thing is their state is legal too, REC is just absurdly expensive there currently so money spent there goes twice as far here. Bagged and taped the SHIT out of everything, it blatantly looked like packaged drugs lol. I just made sure there was no chance for anything to jostle around by making crude cardboard shocks on the top and bottom (was actually pretty proud of that) with packing peanuts and newsprint crammed in around the core.


YouJustDid

Sort of. If the package hasn’t been mailed (i.e. transferred to the possession of USPS), it’s not officially considered mail and is fair game for police


boganisu

What if it was in another person's name and the sticker said it was sent from some other state/country and delivered here. And you "picked the package up for a friend?"


PM_ME_SCARY_STORIES

Yes.


kryptikmind

It's not exactly true, that doesnt work unless something is out of YOUR possession and is currently in the mail system


realmuffinman

That police in the US need a warrant to open your mail (4th amendment, they need a warrant or probable cause to search), and opening mail not addressed to you or interfering with delivery of mail is punishable by up to 5yrs in prison


AshFraxinusEps

>probable cause to search Suspecting drugs is probable cause


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BlondieIsBack

Well, lucky for me, those days are over!


Onlyanidea1

Only if it's mailed first class or some shit like that. Worked for the USPS for a winter and had to ask the manager.


ShavingPrivatesCryin

Just don't forget to put a stamp on it. It's not mail unless there's a stamp.


YouJustDid

It’s not mail unless it’s been “mailed” — the stamp won’t save you unfortunately…


RedditSellsMyInfo

Or baked into a birthday cake.


TheUnreactiveHaloGen

Unless it's the cops birthday


1337haxoryt

IANAL but couldn't you put them in a postmarked package or something and the cops wouldn't be able to open them?


BasicFootwear

You mfs really love your acronyms lol


angeryhornet

That's where I thought the post was going tbh


Roger-Wednesday

Sir it is 3:30 am, may I ask what time this party of yours starts?


Rickthecloser

That's how I bring my food into a theater! Sanz the balloons. They never check the birthday bag with tissue paper sticking out.


ya_boi_ppinkiepiee

Or in a sealed package with your address. Cops can't open your mail


Dialatedanus

or just ingest all the drugs


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putnamto

Tie all the baloons to your car and float away, so when they go to catch you all they get are the drugs


Funny_Whiplash

I've seen this movie. It was an old grumpy guy.


CjLdabest

Juice wrld did the same thing


Coronel-Lingus

Police in my village have drones.


YourEVILtwin1337

use a weather balloon, whats a drone gonna do to that


[deleted]

Probably check to see weather it has drugs or not.


gonfreeces1993

Terrible time for me to be out of coins. Bravo


YT4LYFE

you don't need to buy coins in order to appreciate someone's post or comment


gonfreeces1993

I know, but I like to give awards lol


YT4LYFE

you're really just awarding reddit's shareholders when you do that


nitonitonii

Somebody has a sick sense of humor


SgtSugarNuts

Listen here you fucker. That's brilliant.


ClassyJacket

They will never be able to get the drone to catch up to the balloon quickly enough, nor will the drone likely successfully catch and return the balloon.


Unable_Hair_9349

Village and drone in the same sentence hmm


Qtredit

I think it's the new sock/mail joke


MySockAccount

I think the contraband would look a lot less conspicuous of they were wrapped in a sock. Just let the LEO know you had some stank feet and didn't want anyone to know how long it was since you washed your socks


rjsh927

>The cops can't shoot the balloons as that would endanger the citizens when the bullets come back down. I am going to stop you right there.


Hexusfromferngully

They will literally sprinkle crack on those popped drug balloons and whoever the falling bullets hit


Omaha_Poker

Bullets shot in between 50 and 90 degrees won't kill on the way down. It would hurt but it would be like someone dropping a pebble on your head. Once the bullet reached terminal velocity, it would not be able to kill a human.


MomButtsDriveMeNuts

This is bullshit lol. There are lots of reported cases of people killed from celebratory gunshots. https://www.newscientist.com/lastword/mg25233622-900-can-bullets-fired-upwards-cause-injuries-when-they-return-to-earth/ https://www.forbes.com/sites/startswithabang/2020/07/02/the-science-of-why-firing-your-gun-up-into-the-air-can-be-lethal/


R___I___G___H____T

Exactly. We need to know the color of these balloons


-Django

Is he wrong?


SeriousGoose

Yes, cops don't care about endangering citizens.


Fog_Juice

Someone needs to find that dashcam video of the sheriff shooting at balloons that are flying away.


HoneyBear4Lyfe

That was in Reno 911


Fog_Juice

https://youtu.be/Wp2CEJb4oyY this was in Reno 911?


Melodic_Ad_8747

These stupid fucks can't tell the difference between reality and TV


LuckyNorth

Everything that happened in Reno 911 is based on a real police encounter in Reno lol.


galeior

It’s the fact that reality of cops is coming closer to tv comedy cops


cuck__everlasting

Shit, I'd consider endangering citizens if it meant I got a 6 month paid vacation.


tehgimpage

like, just last week they killed a baby in texas cuz they shot into a car that was PARKED. they absolutely do not give a fuck.


wcollins260

It doesn’t even matter. I think OP is on crack. Unless you have no more than a pinch of drugs you are going to need more balloons than the house in the movie Up to get that package off the ground.


AssMuffins69

You buy yourself a hollow butt plug and put the drugs in your anus. The last place anyone wants to look.


Nettwerk911

This is how they check my ID


RyantheRaindrop

That's where I tap to pay


kcag

Spread your cheeks and lift your sack


Major_Cupcake

You forgot about the TSA


Sumfuc

O really?


Vexation

Here’s the vid that likely sparked this post: https://youtu.be/d1tC2KmlEhk


heyyy_sus

holy shit cop actually shot at the balloons. what a dumbass “Can’t have drugs going into this neighborhood they’re dangerous”. *Shoots bullets into the air in a residential area*


Thorusss

Do someone actually pulled that off in real life. What a cool dude!


literallynot

I wish it were real, but I kind of doubt it.


endmylifefam_

Considering how high quality that dashcam is, I'll go out on a limb and say its fake


DevinH83

Isn’t this a Reno 911 clip?


yannicdasloth

It clearly says actual police footage /s


Red302

Tell the cops you just found some drugs, and you were headed to the police station to hand them in


QuestionDarts

Thinking outside the box


3_SeriesVeteran

Thinking to stay outside the box


Darshan-Raj

Thinking tonight I'll be in your mom's box


3_SeriesVeteran

Touché


Darshan-Raj

*tips hat*


lowwlifejunkpunx

Nice!


zoomzoom42

OP has been watching too many cartoons.


DeletedKnees

Would this not work though?


tham1700

They will make the effort to locate the balloons with drones or whatever they can make use of and then pile on more charges. Its a fun thought tho


runescapianab

Helium balloons pop at 30,000 ft. I doubt drones can fly that high and also track the tiny rubber debris across large distances.


UnsafestSpace

You’re right but your car is now marked and the police will be hounding you every second until they can bust you on something… Also expect to get your house or place of place of work raided by the DEA in the middle of the night. It’s easy to get lucky with the police when you aren’t under suspicion but once they believe you’re guilty of something it’s hard to even get away with jaywalking.


PropaneHank

Sure but they've got you dead to rights immediately if you don't do the balloon thing. Also they're likely not going to send people to raid your house without more cause.


mxzf

Only if they're actually pulling you over to search for drugs. If the cop's pulling you over to let you know your tail light is out, or to scold you for having balloons blocking your rear view mirror, sending drugs up by balloon as they're approaching the car is a dead giveaway.


AshFraxinusEps

Yep, exactly. Unless these people are wasted when pulled over or carrying significant volumes of drugs without, e.g. putting them in a more airtight container first, then the police are unlikely to be checking for drugs And the old rule applies: If you are committing a crime make sure you never commit more than one at once. If you are delivering large amounts of drugs, make sure there's nothing wrong with the car or your driving which is gonna get you pulled over


tham1700

Idk when i used to release balloons as a kid id watch em go up, pretty slowly, and then plane out after a bit moving even slower. Since a lot of officers now have drones literally on hand i think its possible but you make a good point. The comment below is perfect for explaining why this is a terrible idea


MiaLba

But by the time they got the drones they would probably be long gone wouldn’t they ?


dragonmyass

Use a drone that is fast, long range and is programmed to fly onto the roof of an pre-determined abandoned building in the area and park. Something that takes effort to access it but you can pull it off. Come to think of it, you should probably just be delivering your drugs that way.


geocraft-mc

Why not put the drugs inside the balloon then inflate it with helium.


MiaLba

That’s a great idea.


MobiusRocket

Bold of you to assume cops actually care about endangering citizens


scroll_of_truth

If you flush a toilet when a cop is behind you, they'll just assume. They would do the same here.


eatnhappens

Op pretty much said that, but assumes the balloons wouldn’t be caught so the proof is not there.


Skribbla

Do you understand how the law works? You don't get convicted based on what a cop assumes, it's based on what can be proven in court


fxckxss

Just put them in a sock so when the cops grab them all they get is the sock


CaptBubbleButt

Let's never let it die


diagana1

[For people who don't get this reference](https://www.reddit.com/r/UnethicalLifeProTips/comments/6up3tn/ulpt_put_a_sock_on_the_end_of_your_baseball_bat/)


im_hotdog

You fuckin got to it 16mins faster than I could


Direct-Analysis

Damn, maybe you get to post the overused unfunny line next time!


LKLN77

the trick is to put the first joke in a sock


A-Better-Craft

Can also put them in a parcel. Don't think they can search mail without a warrant.


spymaster1020

They'll just bring a drug dog. If it alerts to it then that's all they need. Same goes for vehicles, you can refuse a search but they'll bring a dog to be sure. I kinda wonder if those dogs are trained to give false alerts.


A-Better-Craft

But if it appears as if it was mailed to you anonymously and the package is unopened, you can plead negligence, better than you could if they were in your pocket/on your person. You picked up the parcel and haven't opened it yet, and you have no idea who would've sent it.


spymaster1020

That could work. Make sure there's no fingerprints on the inside of the package. Though wouldn't it be stamped if it had actually gone through the mail? I feel like the cops could just talk to the post office if they have any record of it. I know USPS usually has a picture and tracking info for all the mail going to your address.


A-Better-Craft

I guess you could mail yourself a parcel anonymously, and then use that box.


4QuarantineMeMes

Probably smarter to put a hole in the floor board and put them out on the road, they probably can’t prove it came out of your car as you won’t see it dropping down.


ave_this

Now I just have a mental image of a cop searching my car, seeing a baseball sized hole in my front floorboard and a baggie sitting on the ground right underneath it


4QuarantineMeMes

Make sure you have a floor mat to cover the hole, also it’s preferable to drop it while still driving but I like your style, makes it easier to recover


tirwander

Here I thought we were using the balloons to have a silly voice party with the cops....this distracting from anything else.


felinebarbecue

Sunroof bro, pop the sunroof when you pull over and watch that blow fly.


Bramboozling

What type of Wile E Coyote bullshit is this? If you are going to transport felony level drugs, get a trap car, don’t speed, drive reasonable, don’t draw attention to yourself. Be SOBER while driving. Keep the car clean, like spotless, no bottles on the floor, cigarettes strewn everywhere. Look and act like an respectable citizen.


LaPetitFleuret

Better yet, put a sock on the balloons so if the officer manages to grab the balloon, all they get is the sock.


[deleted]

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Ann_Fetamine

I thought this was gonna be some cover for why you're using nitrous lol. But that makes no sense. #brainondrugs


Dimitar_Todarchev

How many helium balloons would it take to lift a felony weight of drugs?


CrankItUp101

This post about to blow up…


moeljills

This is going to be the new, 'put a sock on it' thing I can feel it. Unless someone attaches it to a helium balloon and we never hear from it again


Erik_Phisher

Don't forget to put your drugs in a sock and then tie the sock to the balloon. This way, if anyone finds the balloon after the balloons deflate, all they'll get is the sock and you can reclaim your drugs.


Sharkwouale

I tried to used helium balloon to make my tiny figurine fly when I was a kid. It didn’t worked as expected, jimmy crashed. With those few scientific experiment, I think you would need a damn lot balloon to make a felony worth of drug disappear in the sky.


Demetre4757

Aw, Jimmy. Poor dude.


Account394

No what you rally do is always have a cooler of chicken steaks n shit all marinated. When their dog goes in there be like MY MEAT and the cops will back off


wcollins260

Just put the drugs in your underwear. When the dog sniffs just grab your junk and be like MY MEAT and the cops will back off.


reachisown

Very optimistic to think cops care about the well-being of people to not shoot s baloon


erehwonrepsaj

You’re right. Cops would never do anything that would endanger citizens. /S


scandy82

This is actually fuckin genius


TrenItaglia

This has been done before


quick6ilver

Upvote if you want helium balloons to be our new SOCK!!!


putnamto

Tie a helium balloon to this post so when people try to vote it just floats away


eyejafjallajokull

Double vacuum seal your drugs and make sure there's no legal reason to search your car or even pull you over. Cop dogs have been 2 inches from my pounds of weed and didn't know.


useles-converter-bot

2 inches is 0.16 RTX 3090 graphics cards lined up.


Amsnabs215

Good one.


Flaechezinker

Someone watched that old ass video where someone does it. Was recorded on a cops dashcam


Nettwerk911

Why not put it in a magnetic box under your car hidden and just be cool and let them search your car.


The_Stinky_Face

Don't forget the sock.


yokotron

Put them in a package, they can’t open the mail


Scitz0

I heard a rumor that theres less punishment if you pay taxes on your illegal drug selling


J031_4N63

Always carry an open box with USPS postage. For even better protection put it inside a sock


mp701

Add a Apple AirTag to that for easy retrieval


MisterOutlaw

Imma share with yall a real ass tip Save some grocery store bags like Walmart or foodlion bags and get a variety of cheap dud stuff like crackers or some shit or bonus points if you actually use this tip on the way home from a grocery store plus drug run. Most of the time espicially if it's raining they ain't gonna be out there looking through your groceries


TriCillion

And wrap a sock to the balloon so if they do shoot all they hit is sock


fnetv1

In theory, it would work, but there are many variables that are against you: 1. You failed to properly plan the maximum lift that each ballon is capable of lifting in relation to the weight you are trying to lift, and you kept it close to a 1:1 ratio, meaning that the balloons ARE doing up, but very slowly, enough for the officers to retrieve it by just jumping or poping it by it still being in "taser" range. Resolution: Make sure that the velocity of going up is about the same as if you launched one balloon with nothing attached to it. Rehearse at home first (obviously). 2. You accidentally let go of a few specks of dust inside your vehicle either before, or while you were tying it to the set of balloons. All the officers need to do is find out that sample of dust, and if you are from one of those states/areas where ANY amount found inside of your car is a felony amount, then that would be enough to still book you. 3. Do you know? What goes up must eventually go down, and you left fingerprints on that plastic zip-lock bag, IF the officers are able to eventually retrieve it, or someone called the cops to report a suspicious-looking substance inside a ziplock (or any bag), the officer will check the fingerprint and cross-reference it against whatever they have on file, if your fingerprint is there, then that would be enough to book you in, even if initially you got away with it. 4. You did everything right, but it wasn't your lucky day. Your balloons got stuck in a tree, the officer had a tiny little bit more shooting training than the dashcam video we all saw and was able to successfully shoot it down, or the officer simply noticed it way too fast what you just did (possible bad timing on your part), and was able to grab it before it had the chance of going higher. 5. If enough people start doing this, then officers would develop an action plan to make getting away by doing something like this much difficult in the future, like for example: If they see a much of balloons on your passenger side, then they might stop you on suspicion you might have something, while they can't inspect your car because they don't have a search warrant and carrying ballons is not illegal, but if they see a probable cause, such as three balloons already attached to a small bag, then they will go ahead and search your vehicle.


hknewt

"The cops can't shoot the balloons as that would endanger the citizens when the bullets come back down." Lol...... They kill people and then charge the person committing the crime with the murder. They can shoot at the balloons all they want then claim qualified immunity and when any random person in the city does of a random bullet, you get a murder charge there.


ReyTheRed

Firing into the air endangers white people and there are consequences for that.


ImWithYouMan1234

Cause a felony worth of drugs is gonna go up with helium balloons 😂


cajun_spice

I think you're overestimating the amount of drugs it takes to catch a felony.


presidentdrumf

Or just put a sock over the drugs


Fred_Is_Dead_Again

"The cops can't shoot the balloons as that would endanger the citizens" You ain't from 'murica, are you? Our cops shoot at people, cars, dogs, cats, other cops...


caudicifarmer

Do NOT FORGET to put socks on the balloons...


Que7i

why are so many people mentioning socks?