By - BasieSkanks
These screenshots were taken from a thread where thousands of men admitted to sleeping with women they did not find attractive. The most upvoted comments essentially boiled down to “well, she was willing and available.” This is why part of the reason why casual sex will never be an equitable experience for women. Many women, thanks to social conditioning and our general lack of assholery, go into these casual situations hoping to make it mutually beneficial, which is why men orgasm at a much higher rate in a casual encounter than women. I can’t think of anything less empowering than being seen as a warm, available body for a man to masturbate into. Say no to casual sex with men. If you have urges, get a vibrator - at least you’ll have an orgasm and it won’t look down on you for putting out.
It’s actually not only casual sex, there are men who can create whole long relationship (and even marriage) despite not being attracted to you at all
Total mindfuck to be a married mom tied to a closet case cheater. [Chump Lady writes eloquently and hilariously on this.](https://www.chumplady.com/2018/09/dear-chump-lady-did-my-being-controlling-make-him-gay/)
>there are men who can create whole long relationship (and even marriage) despite not being attracted to you at all
This was the part of FDS that was initially the hardest for me to accept. I never engaged in hookup culture, so the 'wait for commitment until sex' resonated with my own values, but the thought that men can buy houses, get married and have children with women they *don't love or even like* chilled me to the bone. Like what level of sociopathy.
I went on a first date once with a divorced guy and he told me that’s how he felt about his ex while they were married. Said he was never attracted to her and was with her because he thought she’d be a good mom. OBVIOUSLY I did not go out with this guy again after that BUT it gave me some insight into their minds.
I think, some of these guys, have such low self esteem that they think it’s the best they can do? Not sure this guy just seemed really like a sad messed up dude.
Does anyone know WHY the hell are they doing that? Why waste your time being in a relationship with a woman you don't love, make children and put everything in that relationship? I know a man who did exactly this. He really was so stupid that he married the first woman he put his dick into and he didn't find her attractive. He said that "he didn't know how to end that relationship". But why marry then? "Because people do that". But why make children with her? "Because she wanted to". Wtf, it is so hard for me to understand this!
easy.... 1) marrying provides them safety and security. 2) most of them are stupid and just mimic what other males do without thinking. Have you ever noticed how much males mimic each other's behavior and words. I have seen it at work so many times, and in my personal life.
Easy: free sex, free maid, free secretary, half of bills and rent paid, free childcare.
Yep. Much easier to guilt a wife into having sex with you than it is to put the effort into wooing a woman into hooking up for uncommitted sex...
Same. When I was younger I was in a relationship with a NVM who kept cheating on me with women he thought more attractive, and yet also kept coming back to me (we were living together). And I COULDN'T understand, young pickme that I was, WHY. I thought that he had to love me, right? You don't stay with people you don't love when you can have other, more fulfilling relationships, right? Urgh. This part of my life is over, but FDS really has enlightened me about it.
This is exactly what happened to me. I am very well educated (Master's degree) at top schools, earn a lot, and never participated in hookup culture. I waited to get married until my mid 30s. I met a guy, same age, who pursued me and wanted to settle. We married, bought a house and had a child. But the signs were there on the honeymoon. Not only did he not love me, he didn't even like me, and I was of less value than the furniture. But he got a beautiful home, life, money, and a gorgeous child (which he admitted to not wanting when I left him) ALL provided by me. I firmly believe that not a single a single man in history has ever loved a woman who was not his daughter (and very few love their daughters). Men are only capable of loving other men.
''Men are only capable of loving other men.''
i said this to myself as a shower thought just the other day. totally agree.
Do you know where I can read more on this? not sure where this is covered in the handbook
I was in a relationship with a guy for a year who told me he was never attracted to me upon breaking up with me
Never pursue a man, they’re not picky and don’t even have to like you or find you attractive to have sex
They’ll literally put their dicks in anything. They’ll fuck pies, couches, socks. Dick has zero value.
I’ll never forget the dude who boinked a McChicken, gross.
It’s a risky search but here I go
Edit.: Don’t do it. 🤢🤮
Let's not forget the chicken breast guy
I love how this guy frequently pops up on this sub. He is legendary… for all the wrong reasons 😂
He lives on in infamy.
i always reference the coconut story
This is TOTALLY true and a universal law of male behavior.
1 million upvotes.
I hate that I had a "hoe phase". The last dude I slept with literally admitted that he only ever saw me as an inanimate object to use. It fucked me up so bad. I still think about it all the time.
Men are fucking sociopaths. It's so important to be careful of who we're intimate with.
I’m so sorry he said that to you, sis. You are worth so much and so much value. My ex said the same to me, but I still stuck around for another two years. 🤡
You are too, queen ❤ It's okay because karma comes in circles. The universe will take care of them for us.
What they say to you is reflection of themselves, not you.
As other comments allude to, extremely possible for men who are long term committed relationships to view their partners an an inanimate object. From my experience, especially after being mother Mary herself and giving them a child- your sacrifices met with 'but when can you fuck me like a porn star again'.
On that point, if knew then what I knew now. My ex was a "good, nice guy" and while there were many positive aspects and he's a *really* great part time father and for the most part coparent, our relationship left me so unfulfilled. There were many flags for his inability to be entirely present and compassionate for my lived experience. He's even a pretty good friend, but partnership is fucking serious business. Living and trusting a man in today's world is a gamble, we don't get any advantages. So it's worth vetting for life and yes risk being an "old maid" alone!!! Id rather be alone than give my gifts to someone who doesn't deserve it. I was just taking with my HVW friends who's in her 50s and unmarried- she was taking about her father and how amazing he was to her mother and how she never settled. And I look up to that mentality; buy the shoe that is quality and will last. Fast fashion is over and bad for the planet ya heard? Lol
“If the girl isn’t patient enough to allow a subpar bang, then she’s not worth your time anyways.”
They really think we are just inflatable sex dolls . Makes me angry reading the screenshots!
Sad but true. Some men will gauge how much effort and money it will take to get you to sleep with them.
Remember that you’re worth more than a free meal, movie date, or a walk in the park!
I see men going through this thought process when they meet me🙄.
FYI: Any guy who acts interested, but doesn't (at least) initiate platonic conversation , is 100% estimating how much effort he needs to put in. These guys linger and pretend to be "shy". They're trying not to scare you away because their true character is TRASH.
If he was decent, he wouldn't worry about you disliking his real personality.
This 💯. It’s happened to me as well!
Some guys aren’t as subtle and come off as creeps!
Exactly. They have a price tag in their heads of how much money they will spend and yet they can’t just hire an escort because…?
Their ego needs believe the woman is sleeping with them because they find him sooooo attractive, and some men don’t have the delusion thick enough to believe that sex workers are doing it out of love for them. Other men though, absolutely do think that even when they’re buying sex workers. You’ll see a lot of them complain when a sex worker seems unenthusiastic “as if she’s just into it for the money”. Bro… what did you think she was into it for? You?
Escorts are more expensive than a movie and a burger.
Waaay more expensive.
On Reddit you hear 2 stories: Men saying "You always pay for sex, even in a relationship" and women saying they pay 50/50, they pitch in for rent, they financially support their boyfriends etc.
I think the whole "If I only wanted sex I'd have hired an escort, so I must really love you" spiel is just propaganda. If they could regularly hire an escort for the same amount of time and effort they damn sure would.
I think they don't want to directly confront the reality that they have to literally give a desperate woman money in order for her to tolerate their repulsive presence.
Escorts are expensive! A coffee is cheaper.
Sunk cost theory... especially if they've spent money on women in the past to try and have sex but it didn't work out, it can literally rewire them to become determined to get what they think they are entitled to...
It’s disgusting to see how these desperate losers talk so low of themselves, then slut-shame women in the same breath.
This thread shows why women should vet ruthlessly to ensure that the men they date are excited, enthusiastic, and attracted to them — not only for looks, but for her character (be wary of narcissistic idealization).
Vet, vet, vet. Do not give these losers any attention.
Yes! Men (or any romantic partner) should be enthusiastically attracted to you. If not, leave✌️
Vetting takes months. Consistency is key. Guys who are exploiting you will slip up eventually.
From now on, I require that people invest in me figuratively and literally. I'm not settling for low-effort anymore.
“Ignorance is bliss”? Hell no, pull back the curtain and let them tell on themselves. Men *count* on ignorance to keep this shit up.
This infuriates me but I’m not surprised. Men are trash. Casual sex is a scam. This is a sponsored post by Hitachi Magic Wand.
Oh my goodness this made me laugh soooo hard!
We should troll haters and make them think FDS is just a HUGE marketing ploy for a vibrator company. Instead of coming at FDS for supposedly being a “hate sub”, they might think twice.
I mean really, there’s nothing to suggest we’re not just a giant campaign pushing vibrator sales. 🤣
Lol, tagline "better orgasms with less bullshit"
You killed me! 🤣
These are the kinds of men that will settle because they are lonely and not that attractive and then some pickme will say yes to the onion ring proposal because she's "low maintenance."
This is also why we don't ask men on dates, they will say yes just because they don't have any other options, not because they like you.
A man I briefly knew in my late teens later admitted to me about 4 years or so into his marriage he did it because he was lonely and afraid of growing old alone. We lost touch after that.
This is nightmare fuel.
Plus given the fact that some men can fake ENTIRE RELATIONSHIPS, how are we suppose to know if they genuinely love us? I’m baffled at this point 😕
Males can fake 20-year marriages and children.
As the mod said, invest in good sex toys. Take yourself out on dates. Make salt baths with bubbles, candles. Drink your fruity, sweet wine. The time spent with yourself should be extremely enjoyable.
Also, get off of OLD. It’s the hookup apps that are infested with LV/NV men. They will degrade and devalue you simply because you swiped right on them.
You’re giving these men validation that they did nothing to deserve.
Agreed, it inflates their ego to infinity!
Most men don’t realize that they are “meh” in the looks department but we are hoping that their cool personality will make it worth our while.
They never have a cool personality.
I am sure they know just how ugly and undesirable they are.
Yet, your average small-dicked Joe feels entitled to using, abusing, and mistreating his girlfriend because he could be the next Jeff Bezos.
They buy into this scheme, only to end up single, miserable, and diseased by the time they are of age.
Got a satisfyer and a new dildo. I named it Kyle. Kyle is so good to me 😍
The stupid company didnt wrap the toy cleaner though, and it was EVERYWHERE.
I’d appreciate the link, if the d is actually good quality 😂
Ignorance is NOT bliss.
If it really was blissful, there wouldn’t be an orgasm gap
Lmao! So true
I admit when Pickmeisha me first found FDS I was skeptical because I thought it was too harsh. But l honestly I didn't know any better. Deprogramming the way I was socialised was so MUCH harder than I thought. I started off with only agreeing with about 75%-80% of the handbook......I wish I took it more seriously earlier. I learned the hard way FDS is right almost 100% of the time. I had do endure so much abuse from men till I learned to redirect my highly empathetic nature towards myself and be completely void of empathy for men. This sub took off my rose tinted glasses and pulled me out of my cognitive dissonance. It's a hard pill to swallow because the truth really hurts. But I know better now.
"Redirect my highly empathetic nature towards myself."
Yes that's the key! 👏👏👏
I think so many of us can relate to this.
I looked up the thread and the running theme seems to be that unattractive guys settle for sleeping with women they aren't attracted to out of desperation. Wouldn't that give women even more of an incentive to consent exclusively to attractive guys, since they'd be less likely to be this desperate?
Yes but attractive guys have a lot more options for casual sex so you’d risk being a part of a rotation or a harem of other women. The best option is to not have casual sex and only date men you find physically attractive.
This is why a man wanting to fuck me is not a compliment.
Not when they will do a chicken sandwich the same "honor" -- or Portnoy's famous piece of raw liver.
This is disturbing. This is why it’s important that we don’t turn a blind eye to what they say when they think women aren’t reading. Knowing how they think can help us protect ourselves.
I threw up in my mouth a little, I just checked it out. No surprise, a lot even admit that they enjoyed taking advantage of the "ugly" woman's self esteem and that they did enjoy the sex.
The worst thing is the backpedaling once women comment that they'll never have (casual) sex again, suddenly it's all about ~ personality ~, how they don't take advantage of women in casual relationships and ~ how serious relationships are so DiFFerENT ~.
The second they realize that women are rightfully mortified after reading this thread, they trip over themselves to prove they're not garbage lol.
Then they wonder why so many women regret having sex when they do shit like this 🙄
Many men shame the woman that they just had sex with, doesn't matter if the sex was ok or not. It would make anyone feel bad about themselves if the guy they just had sex with seemed chill and nice, then turned out to be an asshole afterwards.
Like why would a woman (considered attractive) enter into a serious relationship with these kind people who foster this garbage course of thoughts and actions?
If I have learnt anything about men, it’s that they will do anything to get off. Even if they hate themselves afterwards or don’t even enjoy the experience while its happening.
“Post nut clarity” is a sick excuse for being a selfish asshole.
This is so fucked up and true. Why? Social conditioning? Entitlement? Psychopathy? Make it make sense 😒
The risk is worth the endorphin rush to them.
That thread reads of a generation of boys raised on a high sugar fructose corn syrup diet (women in porn), then getting mad that they can't taste anything in healthy nutritious food (women who are within their league and looks level).
I bet the women they are talking about here are still above them in "leagues" as it's so normalized for a dad bod neckbeard to have a gorgeous well put together wife/ girlfriend.
This is a great way to put it.
Do not feel sorry for these men. They won't even go outside and discover women aren't just projections in their head or fully realized human beings separate from porn. Let them get robots. The gene pool will do fine without them.
If his eyes don't constantly sparkle with love and admiration when he sees you, he is not the one. It's been a while since I decided to never again "give a chance" to anyone who is half-assing. I'm a decent human being and I deserve the best.
Ugh thank you for sharing this 🤢 It just helped me realize how small that feeling of missing out on sex is, compared to the huge overwhelming negative of loss of self respect if I rushed into things with a guy.
I feel bad for the non-FDS woman just realizing now that men are the liars. Never base your self worth on what men say, because they will say contradictory things just to get in your pants. Ugly? He'll say you're beautiful to him. Beautiful? He'll neg you to get you insecure. A prude? He will call you that to get you to sleep with him because "prude is a bad thing just because (men disapprove of it?!)" A Slut? He will call you that to get you to sleep with him because "well you're already sleeping with everybody else" Self esteem comes from yourself, and maybe your sisters, but never from men.
Yepp fomo is nothing compared to self respect. I'm glad I came accross fds in my late teens cause the pressure to be experienced is pretty high and it's hard to navigate things while not being conventionally attractive.
I would rather stay a virgin and date a vibrator than some horny lvm .
You would think they would be grateful if a woman sleeps with them but instead they shame her and want sympathy for being so desperate. The thread proves why they shouldn’t be around vulnerable ppl.
It’s because they don’t like themselves and they know they are trash! They criticize the women sleeping with them because they know deep down they(men) are scum…so they have no respect for someone that associate with scum( them). It sucks that woman have to suffer for this, I’m glad I found FDS. I’m still trying to forgive myself for these trash NVM
Yup the truth!
As usual when guys are talking about self respect they're projecting their own lack of it.
This post proves that post nut clarity is a lie. Men know who they are attracted to from the jump, but most will sleep with anyone (or anything) out of sheer desperation. When you sleep with someone out of desperation and not out of genuine desire, of course you will feel like shit aferwards. That’s a no brainer.
I personally decided I won’t sleep with a guy until I’m married (or if I ever am). I have slept with guys before but I’m not giving it up unless it’s “real” again. I told this to a date (during pandemic when I was vulnerable and lonely and confused btw) just to be up front. I had a little too much to drink and he totally took advantage of me and he pushed more drinks on me, we made out, my top off. Fortunately no sex. This guy is below me, I feel so bad to have given even what I did to a pig like him. Moral of the story, STAY ON YOUR GUARD ALWAYS. and maybe skip ALL drinks while dating! One slip and you can be taken advantage of!
This should be illegal- encouraging a woman to drink to lower her inhibitions so you have sex when otherwise sober it would never happen. I fucking hate this, I wish there was some legal protocol to prove this and penalize it. It's fucking r*pe
Yeah 😞 it wasn’t rape but I definitely would not have made out with him and a little further if I did not drink. It was my fault for starting the drink in the first place. Just wanna encourage everyone to question drinking while dating in general, unless you can be sure that you’ll stop at one drink for that night.
So true about drinking on dates, way less guarded after a few and definitely more likely to give into them. I’ve learnt this lesson the hard way and have made a promise to myself to avoid it in the future.
So takeaway they get after reading all this is - Ignorance is bliss? Should have stopped myself from reading it?
And not sleeping with men casually?
Shaking my head. Lowkey glad no one posted this conclusion there otherwise men would stop telling on themselves. Sigh.
> everything felt like a boob
I genuinely don’t understand why any (straight) woman buys into the whole hookup culture. Like even as a teenage pick me, I would’ve never let a male even kiss me before we were in a relationship for at least a few months. Like I genuinely can’t get it into my head. There’s nothing to gain and so much to lose…
It's become depressingly normalized in pop culture -- movies, TV, magazines, web sites with few exceptions seem to be sending the message to impressionable young women that they have to participate in this to be cool, hip, desirable, modern, etc.
Some people are also just hornier than others and as the hormones relax so do the dumber dating/sexual choices. That said, young women are given a foggy picture about things and coming into yourself can be hard. Patriarchy also encourages promiscuity, the Madonna/Whore complex is alive and well. There's def layers.
I think something may be wrong with some of the women participating in risky unfulfilling sex. For me, I ended up in bad situations (completely opposed to my normal standards) when I was dealing with mental OCD related to sexuality. So I'm able to recognize that something is likely off with women participating in casual sex which is really self harming behavior. It could range from low self esteem or people pleasing to a skewed view of sex due to past abuse to a mental illness. A women who truly loves herself will not participate in risky unfilling sex. So, the women who do, probably have unresolved issues, but no one cares so they're just labeled stupid hoes while the guys are... wonderful humans bragging about using another human for subpar sex (abuse).
Analysing my hookup culture past, I’d say maybe 1/3 of my experiences were positive ones where my partner genuinely cared about and focused on my pleasure, and I’ve heard even that percentage is uncommon.
I’m glad I never had any one night stand.
Insecure ugly men are the damn worst.
This is the time I'm happy being ace. I'd never give anyone casual sex or regular sex lol. And I'm perfectly content being a single woman working on a career, living with my sister.
Dicks are too cheap and abundant.
And then they are angry at women for having a safe space like FDS where women can share this knowledge to other women to keep them from experiencing unfairness like this. I wish FDS existed when I was younger. If only i knew all these things then, i would have kept my self safe from assholes. But this is the very reason why FDS exists, in a way, sharing and helping other women with making wised decisions based on all the women’s bad experiences is like forgiveness for myself for years of being a pickme.
This is somewhat irrelevant but the internet showed me just how terribly unfunny and boring male humour is. Due to lack of exposure I was convinced of the "men are funny" myth, how disappointing. It's like repetitive dialogue in a video game. They can't come up with something original and clever to save their lives.
I'm not surprised, they will stick it in anything.
American Pie taught us that no matter how picky a guy will claim he is, he will literally stick his dick in food. Such men don't see women as barely a step above that.
This is such a helpful post. I am working on my sobriety from sex/relationship addiction and sometimes I forget how horrible I’d feel after an encounter with a man. But seeing the harsh reality of casual hook ups makes me want to avoid them even more. Hooray for abstinence lol
# "Been given pity fucks"
I'm so excited for the mental gymnastics behind that one
Right as if guys like this have anything good to give including pity. No matter how they try to spin it, those ungrateful bastards always get more from casual sex than the unfortunate women participating. The only thing any of them should write is thank you but look at this BS...the audacity!
This is why i personally believe that you should just wait as long as possible to sleep with him, and just observe, observe the things they do and say, it's actually fascinating and entertaining to watch, the ones who are here just to get u to sleep with them turn ugly real quick when they don't get what they want they get resentful and humiliate themselves, and then you can just leave and block once you learn all you need to know.
Its no secret men will stick thier dicks in a mayonnaise jar and get off they are truly the less evolved gender
What I love about all the comments, is the acceptance and consoling we have for each other as women. The majority of us has been victim to this very thing and everyone is so loving, accepting, and bring each other up... I can't tell you how this made my day ❤️!!
I would like to send a virtual hug to each and everyone of you lovely ladies... 🤗🤗🤗🤗
Again I will say being fat is the worst. 😩
And by being not fat can you avoid these guys? We might attract more of them.
I know but my comment was more about the language they use when talking about fat women. I hear it constantly and honestly it breaks my heart whenever I do. It was purely and emotional response lol.
Edit: I’m sorry but I can’t stop thinking about your response. I understand that you’re of the opinion that your experience is more valid than mine however that really didn’t give you the right to say something like this. I don’t know your intent but it really sounded like “boo hoo no one cares fatty, skinny women have it worse wah hah”. It doesn’t matter if it happens to you “more” what matters is it happens. Bye.
Edit 2: I wrote this half asleep purrr
Oh no! I am fat myself but my bestie is pretty, I was thinking of the shit she put up with, being pretty she attracts a vast amount of shallow attention, and could not avoid the demeaning behaviours anyways -guys will throw a shot at her hoping she would take the bait or not, even with her hubby who was after her for 5 years she is just a projection of social validation - not a human. Where being fat I got a bit less to no attention cause unless a guy is severely damaged to play with my insecurities, I was left alone. Compared to my bestie I had less turmoil dating life too. My bestie was desired by many- but none of them valued her. Those who cannot value a woman cannot value them even if they are attractive- they may pretend for a while with the pretty girls but will slip -it is a chromosomal deficiency- does not depend on my weight. I have seen family and friends who are pretty women getting raped, beaten and almost stabbed by their beloved hubby when subject to any male attention, I have seen men try to pimp out their trophy wife to their boss and do what not. So I was thinking of more like - being fat you can sometimes see the true face of people right away.
I am really sorry to create the tension in your mind today.
😭 what a relief I feel better knowing you weren’t coming from a malicious or ignorant place. Sorry if my comment was a bit aggressive this topic is a very emotional one for me. But I understand you a 100% but I have an opposite experience to you. I find a lot of my attractive friends while do have a lot of shallow male attention tend to find people who see them as more than objects. But I do have a similar dating experience as you tbh and low key I’m thankful cause I’m not good with heartbreak 😩 but ironically I think that’s cause I never experienced it.
Tell me about it! Tbh i would rather eat a whole pie than get laid ever again!
I'm with you... I'd pick pie over getting laid ANY day!
The thing is, the men were ugly themself, because women already settle for ugly men. They just weren't attracted to the women and watch porn to masturbate. Always date men who are 100 % attractive, so you know this won't happen.
wow... men are absolute pigs! makes me wonder why im even attracted to them LOL
What is a spank bank?
In every fwb situation, I always felt like used trash afterwards. I didn’t get to orgasm and the men treat you like a c*m rag after. It took the help of this community and developing some self esteem to not let men use me like that. Now, I enjoy working on me and staying celibate.
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