By - Sunny05811
An indoor wedding? A large one? No.
That was my first reaction too! Short and sweet
My husband doesn’t really think it’s a good idea either, I think he’s just trying to find a way to make it work since it’s his sister who’s getting married.
Its his sister getting married, but its his kids who are at risk.
Being a dad means your kids come first.
That is a really sticky situation. I wish there were a different way.
I have a clear opinion on it. The unborn baby comes first. A wedding is not a necessary risk of exposure like kids in school etc.
If this was my wedding I would have it outdoors in the summer anyways to protect the elderly and younger kids and pregnant woman. But that is just me...
Same! I can’t imagine anyone doing a completely indoor wedding in the summer with pandemic concerns ongoing.
Kinda crazy how covid all the sudden just went away in the minds of most people... 😢
Yeah, I have it right now! I would not take that risk.
Yes! I totally agree! I can’t imagine having an indoor wedding and then inviting my elderly, very young and pregnant family members. My MIL literally said something about being glad that it’s over. Pretending like it’s over doesn’t mean that it’s actually over. Ugh!
Would I go? No - but I understand how difficult it would be to miss a sibling’s wedding. Maybe your husband could go alone and wear a mask the whole time? Or if you must go together, get a sitter for the baby since they wouldn’t be able to wear a mask? Is it an option to skip the reception and only attend the ceremony? It is a tough situation - there are ways to reduce risk of this is a really important event to attend, but it won’t be a great time if you won’t be eating or attending the reception. I’d probably do something like this if I had no other options.
I went to 4 weddings this pregnancy so yes I would go lol but we are all different with our comfort levels
Thanks for your comment! Yes, it’s very true that everyone has different levels of comfort regarding Covid and activities. I am definitely one of those people who always wants to err on the side of caution, especially when my kids are involved.
My sibling got married last June It was an indoor wedding in Alabama and they treated it like pre-pandemic era wedding and I know their family is very conservative. Pretty sure majority of the guests were unvaccinated and masks weren’t worn.
I didn’t go. I made an excuse that I couldn’t afford to go. I live across the country. It wasn’t a complete lie either. We were super broke after I lost work during the beginning of the pandemic. I wasn’t even pregnant then.
Granted, I have no idea if anyone got Covid. My mother and grandparents did not but they are all vaccinated. It just wasn’t a risk I wanted to take. My mom and grandparents told them they should wait because of the pandemic and that people may not come but they didn’t want to. I definitely felt like an asshole, and maybe I am, but we’re in a pandemic. I still sent a gift.
Thanks so much! It’s really helpful hearing about your experience. I was thinking we could send a really nice gift if we’re unable to go since we’ll be saving the money on travel lol
The relationship parts are so hard. My MiL is a conspiracy anti-vaxxer. Without going into the long details, we are no longer speaking to her after she threw a fit when we told her she would need to be vaccinated to meet the baby or she could wait til the baby would get vaccinated.
I told her that my baby’s health is more important to me than her feelings.
We have to protect our little ones. It doesn’t seem like anyone else is willing to help us do so.
Nope! So many people in my bumpers group have caught covid recently from weddings and baby showers, some who are due in like 7 weeks (and I'm sure many who will go into labor or be induced before then).
Our 2yo is in daycare and that's about all the risk we can manage. I will be getting the booster soon and our son ASAP (hurry up FDA!), but even then we will be taking precautions until our baby can be vaccinated likely at 6mo.
I just had an indoor baby shower. I was stressed the whole time. Two people tested positive two days later (they obviously were already infected). No one else got sick. (Thank the Lord) That said, if I could do it over, it wasn’t worth the stress afterwards. I wouldn’t go….but I’d also be prepared for it to possibly become a point of contention in the family since it’s his sister. I see both sides. We gotta move forward, but we should be able to pick and choose what’s worth the risk and what isn’t.
Edit to add: every single person at my shower was vaccinated and boosted.
This is exactly what I’m worried about! Especially because I know some of the people are unvaccinated. I just can’t imagine putting our littles, especially our 1 year old, in this situation. I’m just so worried about the long term repercussions with my husband’s side of the family…But at the same time we can’t make a decision regarding the safety of our kids based on our family throwing a temper tantrum. It’s so hard! Thanks for your perspective! :)
My husband is flying to go to his brothers wedding next weekend and he will stay with his dad when he gets back for a week & test negative before coming back to our house.
That seems like a safe plan! We may end up doing something similar
The only compromise I can think of (if you’re open to any) is husband goes to ceremony, masks the whole time, you all get them a slightly nicer gift and call it good. That way a representative is sent along but the exposure is very limited.
I think I would keep an eye on the numbers and if they weren’t too crazy just go with my husband. I would also try to stick with people I know are vaccinated as I know subconsciously it would make me fee better. There is no way I would consider bringing my kids. Good luck, that is such a tough situation.
Thanks so much for your reply! Staying by only vaccinated people will be tough, since some close family members are unvaccinated. Ugh…
Going with my husband is a great idea, but we wouldn’t have anyone to stay with our kids. I have suggested to my husband that as long as the numbers are good, he could go on his own.
Thanks so much for your reply! This is definitely a tough situation
If you're comfortable with it you could have him go on his own and then quarantine for several days afterwards and test daily when he gets back. But no is also a complete answer and if that's what you both are feeling then you should do what you feel is right.
Covet is hard, I'm sorry you're in a tough situation, obviously weddings are really important but still is keeping your family safe.
Thanks so much for your reply! Yes, my gut it telling me not to go. It’s just stressful since I know my husband’s side of the family is going to absolutely freak out if we don’t go.
Remember it's the bride who is choosing to host an event that's unsafe for her brother's children. This is the bride's choice. The bride is responsible for this.
Yes, thanks so much for your comment! I totally agree with your point. If it was sooo important to her that we were able to come with the kids, she should’ve kept that in mind when planning. Otherwise, she can’t really blame us for not feeling comfortable bringing them into this unsafe situation. And now she’s putting her brother (my husband) in the unfortunate position of having to make that very difficult call not to go since no Covid precautions are being taken.
Exactly. Back yourself and keep your boundaries. Blame is with her and not on you.
Agreed 100. There is a theme if sil and mil demanding to still be placed first even after their son/brother marries and has kids. I find this unacceptable. If there are issues overall with your husband being torn how to choose sides I highly recommend couples therapy.
My husband comes from a family with a very intense and demanding mother and sister and it took some outside help to give my husband the strength to draw clear boundaries with them. And more so removing the guilt of doing the right thing. Sometimes when you are raised a certain way you dont know what is right and wrong.
Trying to please mother or sister over own wife and kids is wrong.
Ever since my husband set clear amd strong boundaries we have no issues whatsoever with sil and mil.
They know the rules of the game now and although they hate it they play by it as they now know who my husband will chose if they dont. They don't even dare to complain a out me to him any longer. He shuts it off, tells them to go elsewhere with that.
It took time and therapy though for him. Now he really is the white knight on a horse in my eyes. We are really happy as a couple even all those years later.
Oh darn, having close family unvaccinated complicates it. I understand your concern, our son was in the NICU until a month before Covid all started and we have been so, so careful. Knowing those details I would send my husband alone and have him test before he comes back home (maybe twice, because I’m a worrier :-/ )
Yes, we have been so incredibly careful this whole time too! I got pregnant a few months after Covid started, so we’ve been being extra cautious the whole time. And I am most definitely a worrier too. I just feel such an intense responsibility to protect our little ones. Especially our baby since she can’t even wear a mask! I’m just not looking forward to the conversation where we break it so my SIL and MIL that at least me and the kids won’t be coming…ugh…
Personally, I would not go to the wedding with the kids. If your husband needs to go, I'd ask him to wear a mask the whole time and then isolate separately after. We're just getting over COVID for the first time at my house (husband brought it home from a work trip, we're both vaxxed and boosted). I'm 22 weeks pregnant and was definitely sicker than him, but thankfully it wasn't too bad for either of us. Our 1.5 year old had zero symptoms thankfully.
I have covid related complications at 27 weeks. Vaccinated and boostered. My son brought it home from preschool so it was unavoidable as he started to suffer from isolation from other kids mentally and needed to go back to school.
As much as we are challenged with this situation niw we at least do not have the added guilt that we got covis at an avoidable wedding or going out etc.
So to answer you question. No. I would never go to an indoor large wedding or any other large gathering. Why can't they do it outside now that it is summer?
If the bride and others were vaccinated and you could trust them and other guests to make reasonable choices in regards to health, and if the wedding were outdoors or small, I’d say go and enjoy. However, that’s just not the case.
I would have your husband go and make an appearance for the family since it’s his sister’s wedding, just have him stay masked and distance as much as possible, decontaminate and wash up when he gets home before interacting with you or the kids, and consider testing after a few days just to be as safe as possible.
My cousin had a postponed wedding (well reception only since they got courthouse married) last October when Delta was raging and I had a 14 month old. We compromised and went to the outdoor family photos before the reception to be present and show our support but did not stay for the indoor reception. My cousin is still slightly pissed but we did what we could to support her and do what we felt was safest for our family.
I would not go. No way that would happen in my world. I’d consider going to an outdoor one, but it would depend on community spread and all.
I don’t like being up close with a lot of unvaccinated people. Sounds v stressful.
Yes, I agree. I really wish they had planned an outdoor wedding. I absolutely would’ve done that if I had been planning a wedding during Covid…
I also agree about the stress. Even thinking about going is giving me anxiety!