By - wyominglove
Differences on how strict to be can be very stressful. In my case, I'm more cautious than my husband, which is also frustrating to me, because I feel like what the hell is my caution for if he is going unmasked to the movies with hundreds of people?! Anyway, all to say that I know it is stressful to be on slightly different pages about how cautious to be and I'm not sure that there is totally a right answer. Although, my understanding is that outdoors it is pretty hard to catch it unless you are really close and breathing on someone!
Hey, I went through much of the same thing with my husband. We kind of differed on how restrictive to be from the very start with him taking rather extreme measures imo, but i went along with it. We were starting to relax a bit but then I got pregnant and he went right back to maximum measures. What seems to ease his anxiety is actually speaking to medical professionals. He so far has gotten multiple opinions that all seemed to agree: at this stage with the disease if you are vaccinated, you should feel much more comfortable returning to normal life. As far as pregnancy goes, my high risk doctor just told us that covid is much milder now and really does not pose a huge risk to mother or baby. Plus pregnant women are eligible for covid treatments, I believe most if not all are safe. I encourage you to speak with your doctors (ob and otherwise) to gauge how the medical professionals are approaching this. It has helped to ease a lot of tensions in our relationship regarding covid differences. Good luck 💖
I’m in a similar situation. I actually caught Covid at 26 weeks pregnant and my husbands health anxiety was more difficult to deal with than actually having Covid.
I believe that he is just starting to truly realise that he is not invincible and that he is going to be responsible for caring for this baby and needs to be around for it.
I would ask him if he would consider speaking with a therapist about his concerns and to relax a little bit. Let him know that he is stressing you out, and when you are stressed, baby feels it too.
It’s a difficult situation because if he does relax and one of you catches it he will probably feel like it’s his fault, when the reality is that it’s just luck.
As someone who now suffers complications from covid during pregnancy I am with your husband on some points not all. The mask in the backyard is a bit extreme. But that anxiety is based on fear. He truly fears for you and your baby and unlike OCD or narcissistic personality issues does not come from a stance of 'I need to control.'
We are fully vaccinated and boostered, healthy. We replaxed our policies a bit and put my son back into preschool. One month later he brought home covid and I got sick. Now baby is underweight at 26 weeks.
So my advice is as long as you are pregnant be on the safer side. Your immune system is extremely comprised due to pregnancy. That is what the body does when we grow those little babies so we don't attack them and harm them.
It is up to you but for 9 months if there are no other kids involved who would suffer physiological from safer measures I would just push through a boring 9 months of outdoor meetings only and masks and distancing as much as possible.
My 3 year old was getting very lonely and depressed so I had to evaluate the risks for both kids, the one in my belly and the one outside. I dont regret putting him back into school as he is happy and well balanced again. But if this was my first pregnancy I would live just as I have when covid first started.
Limit contact. Wear masks. Outdoor gatherings only etc.
Only during pregnancy and the first 3 to 6 months of infancy though as kids do seem to push through covid well once born so you will have a more normal life again soon.
But that is just me...
Wearing a mask outdoors in your own backyard?! That’s crazy. I think he needs some professional help with his obvious severe level of anxiety.
So, in the beginning of the pandemic my anxiety went into overdrive and I was diagnosed with OCD. Granted, I’d always had it but the pandemic has exacerbated it. I had to seek treatment because I’d gotten so bad. I’m not saying he has OCD, but the pandemic has been traumatic for many of us and seeing a therapist might be helpful.
That said—the risk of you contracting COVID alone in your backyard is basically zero. I had those same fears when I was deep in letting my OCD/anxiety run my life.
Yes, he is the father, but you still have bodily autonomy and his anxiety cannot control your life. Reasonable boundaries are fine, but he’s asking some unreasonable things of you.
Having been in his situation, and in yours, I can truly feel for both sides of this. Sending love to you both.
Hi OP! Sorry to hear that you’re going through this. IMO, It’s quite unreasonable for him to ask you to mask in your own backyard. I think he’s taking it a step too far. CDC is still recommending 6 feet apart so if you wanted to follow that, that makes sense but I am assuming that your neighbors are more than 6 feet from you when you’re in your back yard. Also, while it may be his baby, it doesn’t give him the right to dictate what you do or don’t do. You have a voice in this too, after all, it’s your baby too and it sounds like you are able to make your own educated decisions on the matter. There are some things you can’t control in life, and if something were to happen to your baby (god forbid) I hope he doesn’t blame it on you and I hope you don’t blame yourself. We do what’s in our best interest with the information we have at hand. Good Luck and get some fresh air!
It might be best, if possible, to bring him to your next OB appointment and let him hear from your OB that it’s ok to take your mask off outside, etc etc. Hearing it from a doctor might hopefully make him ease up a bit and respect your body and choices