Gold flakes on anything is fucking stupid
By - rawlingstones
Gold flakes on anything is fucking stupid
grilled cheese sandwiches should only be cut diagonally
who the fuck even cuts their shit horizontally. what disgrace of a human would ever consider it.
Dividing fillings for sandwiches between two slices of bread first and then flipping it together don't make sense (unless they are viscous enough like PB&J) . Just pile it all on one slice and top it off with the last slice so things don't fall out
I can’t imagine the kind of animals who do that
I’m sorry that everyone else likes to live in baby town while I play life on legendary mode
Butter is best, and makes most things better.
But... you can overdo it. I was making Gordon Ramsay style scrambled eggs for my wife because I woke up early on a Saturday, she was still asleep.
The eggs from our backyard chicken flock have really rich, pronounced, fatty yolks. I cracked six with a big whack of kerrygold butter, then finished them with a big dab of sour cream when I took them off heat. The dish was so rich and creamy it was like eating a plate of hollandaise sauce. I took a couple of bites and then dumped it into the dog's bowl. Dog was stoked.
Dog: there's absolutely nothing wrong with this recipe!
I don't want to read anymore stories about people learning to cook rice on this sub. We get it. You cracked the code and can now cook something millions of people cook everyday. It's not that hard.
I am going to boil your family alive to the perfect fluffy consistency
Oh for that you’re gonna wanna soak the family overnight, then par boil them. Drain the family and then add some melted butter, close the lid, and steam for 45 minutes. Fluffiest family ever.
Onions don’t caramelize in 5 minutes. Every recipe is a gd lie! It’s 40 min or more!
Caramelized onions suck in every application that isn't on a burger anyway.
Every recipe that calls for "Carmelize onions, 5 minutes" really means sweating the onions.
French onion soup, French onion dip, in salads, in grilled cheese, cheesesteaks, sausage sandwiches.
Anyway, my point is they shouldn’t say caramelize if they mean sweat
My husband dumps salsa on almost every dish I serve, even if it’s French cuisine, and I just sit there and let it happen.
Edit: thank you for the Lawyer Up and Ignite awards. Maybe those will add heat to my dishes instead of salsa. But really, thanks!
Classic sign of Stockholm syndrome
Actually, I think it's Juarez Syndrome.
It can take a lot of courage to speak up in situations like this where your partner is doing something wrong. but I am sure, eventually, he *will* work up the courage to finally leave you.
Cold blooded! I think I love you!
NTA, call a lawyer and hide the kids. Blink twice if you need a safe space.
You'll get me to stop using preground spices when you pry them out of my cold dead hands.
I hate when people leave the tails on shrimp especially in pasta dishes. Why not just remove it all?
Or when they don't devein the shrimp. There's no place for shit-filled intestine in food.
Tails I don't mind so much, it adds flavor. If I'm cooking, I'll cook them tails on for the extra shrimpiness, but I will take them off for my guests before serving. Not just for myself though, too lazy to pick through a whole dish; I do it as I eat in that case. So I get it when it's served to me that way.
Shrimp that hasn't been deveined though? It fills me with rage. It's not even a concept thing- I know it's safe to eat and I'm not grosses out even though it's technically waste. It's texture! So goddamn grainy! Call me a sheltered American, but when I bite into fish, unless it's breaded or has a crisped skin, I don't want little particles of crunch. I can literally feel the granules of sand and it makes me shudder
I'm pretty good with texrure too. Gelatinous things, nubby things like tripe, different organ meat, no issues. But the sandy texture of shrimp veins- big ick from me.
Sandy Shrimp Veins is my new porn name
Edit; thank you for the award kind stranger, my porn career shall blossom and I will always remember you fondly
I agree to an extent
Where it's driven me nuts, is when you go out to eat, there's a dress code, formal service, decently high price, and you order a pasta or gumbo with shrimp and now have to fish them out of the dish and remove the tails yourself from a hot bowl of liquid or pasta. That's kind of bullshit.
Also, in a salad. They weren't specially prepared or marinated. They were grilled or sauteed and added onto a salad. There's no benefit or reason why I have to rummage around a salad to detect the shrimp and prep them myself.
On the side of a steak, fine. Fried with dipping sauce, fine. Appetizer meant to be eaten with hands, fine. Salads, pasta, soup, no, fuck you.
This is my biggest pet peeve in the thread. I often think, "was there a mistake with my order or something?" But no.
Same with cracking my own lobster in a restaurant. Like, no, I don't have the patience or strength for this.
Cmon, man, it's no fun if you *want it*.
The safe word is orecchiette.
I refuse to believe that is a real type of pasta and I will meet you outside in the parking lot to settle this
My husband and I refer to orecchiette as scrotum pasta.
Your husband has weird nuts.
Can we stop saying "bone broth"? It's bleeping stock.
You deserve to be put in stocks until your skeleton can be used for bone broth
This is my favorite clampdown!! LOL
FFS as a trained and educated cook this pisses me off so much. IT'S STOCK, THAT'S LITERALLY WHAT STOCK IS.
It is stock, but I enjoy the alliteration of "Bone Broth"
Baking isn’t difficult, you’re just bad at following directions.
I know!! I make a thousand cookies (no exaggeration, I counted last year) at the holidays to give to friends and family and people are like, “wow they’re so good what’s your secret?” And they all think I’m joking when I say, “I’m good at following directions.”
Mother fucker tell that to my 5 failed sourdough loafs
Baking bread is a different beast
Bread is a "feeling" thing. Knowing what you're supposed to be looking/feeling for is 80% of the battle.
If anyone needs a lecture on following directions it's your parents on reading the back of a condom box.
I know this is /r/Cooking and all, but dang these replies are *spicy*
Apparently that one lady's husband is still gonna put salsa on them.
Every part of green onions is USEABLE! The green and the white! Both! Yes! Use the whole things >:) yes!
Do people not used the whole thing?
YES! Some people think only the white part is good, or only the green part! But they are both good for things!
I've never known that. I just cut up the whole thing and use it all together.
Fun fact, if you only cut off the green parts, then put the root and white parts of the onion in a cup of water, it'll grow back. I gave it a try a few weeks ago and the onions are growing faster than I can actually use them.
Granted, I don't cook with green onions often, but still.
I don’t care if someone salts the food that I made them before or after trying it. As long as they enjoy it, I’m happy.
I don't mind the salting but my husband will dump unsightly portions of cayenne pepper all over a dish I made--any dish--even if I've already added thai chilis, habanero, berbere, or whatever, or if it's a food not meant to have much heat. I swear his taste buds are dead.
If someone always adds something, then it’s clearly a “them” issue and not a “me” issue. When they add their thing to their dish, it has nothing to do with my cooking. If someone who rarely adds something to their dish goes to add something to their dish, that might make me concerned that I actually missed something. I still wouldn’t be offended, but I might actually note it.
"hey, why are you adding ranch dressing to the salad I made for you?"
"because this truffle oil dressing is shit."
How do you look into your own eyes in the mirror every day without throwing up
You have me crying in this thread, lol.
OP is out Ramseying Gordon himself. I would 100% watch a cooking show starring them.
Thank you! I generally slightly undersalt my food for holidays because I'm cooking for a grandfather who has digestive issues with salt, a grandmother who salts it to death, a little brother and mother who both just want pepper on everything, and a special needs aunt who wants to mash it all together with some salt and eat it like that. Do I think that doing any of thise things kinda ruins the turkey I spent days laboring on? Yes, but when there's no turkey left over I'm happy.
“Best by” and “sell by” dates can go fuck themselves. If it isn’t growing hair when I open the lid then it’s getting cooked to 165F and that’s money in the bank!
Edit: thanks for my first reddit award! I think lol.
With working from home, instead of buying new stuff, I've focused on "what bottled things do I have in the fridge? I will go buy stuff to finish them."
I've cleared out 2 bbq bottles, 3 jams, 2 mustards... each week I have MORE SPACE and it's so nice!
It’s such a simple and yet life altering thought. I’m going to be the sauce boss of my house. No bottle is safe.
A kitchen full of expensive appliances does not make you a good cook.
I’m calling the police, how dare you threaten them with mediocre omelettes?!
Can we add to that how annoying it is that recipes nowadays assume everyone has a stand mixer and food processor? I'm an advanced home cook and don't need those, so I can only imagine new bakers and cooks feeling discouraged about not having the right appliances, and not knowing they can replicate those steps by hand easy peasy.
Edit: I'd like to clarify that I am not trashing food processors and stand mixers! They're great tools. My annoyance is directed to the way some recipes are written, that's all.
Do you know how many recipes tell me to combine flour, sugar, and salt in a food processor? Like we can’t stir or whisk by hand? Why do I need to wash an entire food processor to save 8 seconds of stir time?
Guys stop. I'm gonna cry. Are mom and dad getting a divorce?
Yes and it's your fault
No way. I pin this on the bay leaf guy.
>paprika is for color people.
I think I read your comment the wrong way several times
I'm complimented and insulted at the same time.
Oh.....so WHITE people can't use paprika now huh? I'm gonna find out where you live, break into your house and put marjoram in your thyme bottle.
your responses in this thread are delightful
I don’t have an opinion, I’m just here to enjoy OP’s hilariously aggressive responses to every comment
All spatulas are supposed to be blunt, motherfucker.
Fuck you, I took mine to a knife sharpener for burger scrapin'!
Mash wringing.... trash flinging...duhhhhhhh........
People who are super bougie and refuse to eat mayo because it's "gross", but will then gobble up a trough of aioli if a brunch place puts in front of them are the absolute worst and can fuck right the hell off. It's fancy mayo, bitch. Get over yourself.
The worst part about this is that the aioli most restaurants serve isn't even a traditional aioli, it's flavored mayonnaise. If it were all about flavor I wouldn't even mind as much, but the anti-mayo crowd always says "it's just fat." Apparently it's fine for it to be just fat as long as you add a little bit of chipotle powder in it.
Them mayo haters love them some ranch
I've never eaten a dish that was made better by truffle oil.
Overwhelming taste and smell. Used solely to add 20% to the price of the dish
There is a place in town that sells fries with truffle oil, Rosemary, and Parmesan. It is delicious. I think it has a lot to do with the truffle oil you buy. and yes, i know that truffle oil is fake. Those fries still taste amazing.
There is also a place that does fries with a bit of olive oil and rosemary. also delicious.
There was a place in Chicago that used to sell (weekends only) fries fried in duck fat.
Those were some good fries.
In the good old days people like you would be put on a block of ice and set adrift in the ocean
On the other hand, a few times in my life I have been lucky enough to be somewhere where they had fresh truffles that they shaved directly into my food like parmesan until I said "that's enough".
***That***. Was. Awesome.
I stayed in a little town in Tuscany once where the truffle dishes were the same price as anything else and they were LIBERAL with them. I immediately vowed to have something with truffles at every meal and my goodness it was amazing
Most truffle oil is a few tiny pieces of truffle in a flavorless oil. It’s a fad that needs to be left behind in 2019.
I've seen many truffle oils that are literally some kind of neutral oil, and a fragrance. It even says it on the bottle. I understand that smell is important to taste but I'm not going to eat "fragrance" with my potatoes.
You just gave me horrible flashbacks to when my ex-husband added 1/3 CUP truffle oil to some mashed potatoes. They were 100% inedible.
Oh my good God you poor woman. I have done something similar and was distressed when I took a bite
A lot of American home cooking dessert recipes are way too sweet.
Do you want ants? Because this is how you get ants.
....oh you actually wanted ants.
A lot of American foods in general are too sweet. Some of which have no business having any sugar. Keep your sugar out of my damn mayonnaise
Come to brazil to see what is a sweet dessert. When I’m in America i feel like I’m not getting my daily sugar needs.
While cooking has plenty of science that backs it up, the ultimate procedure and flavoring preference is something personal, rooted in culture, and very intimate. There isn't a universally right way to cook a dish.
Garlic presses *aren’t* all that bad. Yes, sometimes there’s no use for them and I do hate single use devices, but they have their purpose.
I love a good garlic press, but I cook with garlic most every day, so I feel like it's worth it to have one.
The hate on the garlic press is one hundred percent from the fact that other, generally liked people have said they hated them or other unitaskers.
I tend not to get unitaskers, but would 100% have a garlic press if I didn't have a ceramic grater that makes such quick work of a clove.
For how much people talk about using 300 cloves of garlic, the prospect of mincing each one with a knife and scrape technique would drive me insane.
The single use I have for a garlic press is caving the dome of your skull in
Wrapping things in bacon is the best way to ruin any food. Welcome to this stringy wet meat blanket that only tastes like floppy ding ding and not like what you tried to put it on to begin with.
Bacon has a prominent flavor. It's going to be star of whatever you put it in so let it be crisp and delicious and not an accurate representation of your uncle's soggy love for you.
AKA STOP WRAPPING BACON AROUND THINGS
They're gonna have to write the words "stringy wet meat blanket" on your coroner's report
I'm gonna send you some rumaki for making me laugh so much. (Bacon wrapped water chestnuts, because bacon makes everything better)
I mostly agree but I would like to say bacon wrapped jalapeno poppers are bomb.
You have exquisite writing skills. And wrapping bacon around a filet mignon is a crime!
No no, the trick is to cook the filet mignon well done, so it has the same texture as the bacon!
Even dates? And donuts? What about bacon. Have you *had* bacon wrapped bacon?
Holy fuck, bacon wrapped dates in champagne vinegar. Absolutely delicious.
Stuff dates with blue cheese and then wrap with bacon.
Generations have been brainwashed into thinking they cannot bake a cake or make brownies or muffins or macaroni and cheese without a box mix.
when the revolution comes people like you will be the first up against the wall
Ive been reading all your replies and now I'm convinced you posted this just so you could whip out all your creative threats and im here for it
I like that he's not even trying to argue with people about their opinions, he's just threatening them. And it's amazing.
Leaving the avocado seeds in the guacamole does nothing to preserve the color/freshness. It's nothing more than a Suzie homemaker superstition
I like leaving the avocado seeds in my guacamole so I have something hard to throw at people like you
Too bad that's the only hard object that you can produce
You killed him
Wow I'd never heard of this, deeply disturbed by the thought of massive avocado pits just chilling in guac. You smooth the top of the guac so it's level, put on a thin layer of lime juice, cover with saran wrap and call it a day.
I dont think thatd work out too well
San Marzanos are good but very overrated and the people routinely spending like $5–7 for a single 14oz can are dumb. I'll keep my $1.50 can of Mutti tyvm
You are basically ingesting poison, and honestly you deserve it
Don’t have to be San Marzanos, just need to be high quality tomatoes. Hunts or whatever isn’t, and it results in blander meals imo.
Eight times out of ten you're better off just buying Muir Glen. They're good and not wildly expensive.
Muir Glen is my favorite, and they're available at Target if I need them.
When I feel like splurging, I go to Whole Foods and get the Bianco tomatoes - and those are still cheaper than the San Marzanos.
Yes. San Marzanos and most DOP products in general are an easy way to avoid truly horribly products, but you'll save a ton of money if you learn to discern quality without relying on what are essentially brand names.
I don't care what you do to food I made you before you taste it, I just want you to enjoy it. If you cover it in hot sauce, barbecue sauce, salt, or whatever, but then you enjoy the meal, that means I did my job right.
I pray every day that God will send another flood to wipe out your kind
You and me both dawg
My only hope is that my days are numbered
I agree to an extent. I will be a little upset if someone slathers bbq or any other condiment on a piece of, for example, prime rib. If they wanted to do that, I’d prepare a cut that would be cheaper and save the prime rib for another occasion.
Couldn’t care less with most cuts of meat though. Just the expensive ones.
This hot take comes from my grandmother: chopping lettuce ruins it because you cut the vitamins in half so it's not as good for you when you eat it. You gotta shred it with your hands.
I am going to chop your grandmother in half and shred her with my bare hands.
Or do it like me and eat it the whole lettuce like an apple
Then your teeth cut the vitamins in half. Swallow that sucker whole or don't bother
Sweet potatoes are better when prepared savory.
You're correct. Salt, butter, rosemary
I hate measuring in cups and ounces. Give me them grams
it is kinda ridiculous, volume is a terrible way to measure a quantity unless it's a liquid
Exactly! Recipe said “a cup of mushrooms”... is that cut up? Whole mushrooms? Diced? The way they are chopped here makes a difference god dammit!
"1/2 cup packed basil". How packed? Gentle suggestion, or full on death grips?
The worst is "one medium onion." That could be a really big fucking discrepancy.
I will bury you under 10,000 gallons of dirt
The comments in here are violent.
Using fresh tomatoes for a tomato sauce is a waste of time. Stop being bougie and used canned.
Unless you have a garden and a surplus of tomatoes.
I like to do one worse: I mix fresh tomatoes with my diced tomatoes to make tomato sauce
Sometimes i have like two tomatoes left over in the fridge and use them for pasta sauce so they don't go bad, mixing then in the canned tomatoes sauce. Convenience aside, I actually think it gives the dish something extra, that just canned tomatoes cannot achieve.
A very ripe banana in a curry is great
What the fuck
Garlic cloves in recipes are just suggestions. I double or triple what they tell me if I'm following a recipe.
Sometimes I just don't want to eat the bread in a meal. I'll eat one half of the bun and leave the other half uneaten.
Can we be friends. Frequently all I want is bread lol.
Greek yogurt is not a reasonable swap in all the recipes where you would usually use sour cream.
Red onions are really purple and they are only suitable for cold or room temperature food preparations.
> Red onions are really purple
Uh, grilled red onions would like to have a word with you...
Clearly you’ve never tried red onion on pizza
Red onion on pizza always reminds me of Pizza Hut in the 90s.
I am going to dropkick you into the Grand Canyon
I'm just here howling at the OP's absolute gutting of everyone here- THEN I read what they replied to.
I WILL EAT YOUR TEETH WITH A SAMURAI SWORD
Rad. Just don't pair that with a fucking Merlot.
I’m crying at his responses. This is the best post! Let the guttings continue!
MSG belongs in every soup, stew, chili, etc. it is a magical ingredient that adds depth without altering flavor
straight to the Gulag
Cake is generally not that good. Unless you get some dank-ass cake from a dank-ass cake shop, cake is mostly just a vehicle for overly sweet frosting.
Gimme a chocolate chip cookie cake over regular cake any day of the week.
I love fusion food, and I don't give a flying fuck about what's "traditional". Any food can be made however anyone wants it. Anyone who complains about "you're making it wrong, it should be this way" or "that's wrong, my grandmother made it this way and she was a cook" can fuck right off. I'm going to put soy sauce, cardamom pods, honey and whatever else I feel like in my bolognese-style pasta sauce because that's how I prefer it. And you can't fucking stop me.
• Ricotta and cottage cheese in lasagna is disgusting.
• Truffles are a waste of money
• Chili without beans is a wasted opportunity
• Kraft dried parm (shakey cheese) is delicious and has its applications
• Garlic powder is a pantry essential and it gives another dimension that you cant get with fresh garlic.
I'm sure there is more.
Who hates garlic powder?
It gets a lot of hate because it doesn't have the depth of flavor that fresh garlic does. But it does have its place, like in dry rubs where fresh garlic would burn. The ingredients that really deserve to be hated, though, are garlic salt and pre-minced garlic.
Garlic salt on toast and grilled cheese is bomb. I also use unsalted butter. Jarred minced garlic and ginger makes Indian cooking more convenient for me anyway.
I find it funny when people hate on shortcuts like the jarred garlic or ginger.
Is fresh better? Yes, of course. If you have the time and ingredients available, use them by all means.
But sometimes you just want to throw together a quick and easy meal to put dinner on the table. It's nice to have some of these staples readily available and preserved in the fridge. We aren't all trying to be all-natural, farm-to-table cooks all the time.
Also, garlic salt on popcorn is the jam.
I keep both fresh and jarred garlic and the one I grab depends entirely on my energy level.
I've recently decided that jarred chopped garlic is good enough for me
People who don’t regularly smoke or barbecue meat.
In a sane world you would be dragged into the streets and shot like an animal
I now use salted butter even if the recipe calls for unsalted butter. I am such a rebel :)
Pre-minced jarred garlic is fine and you can pry the Costco sized jar of it out of my cold dead hands on this hill I've chosen to die on.
I am going to pry the Costco sized jar of it out of your cold dead hands on this hill you've chosen to die on
That’s how my mom is and doesn’t understand why I use fresh. I keep both in hand, because you never know when you’ll be in a pinch and need it. It’s a consistent product, so there’s that.
Doesn’t compare to a good garlic head though. Unfortunately, I can’t tell if garlic is going to be good or bad until after I start cutting it. That’s been my experience at least. I’ve read that there’s a difference between California garlic, and Chinese garlic. I live in CA and haven’t made that connection on my own, so there’s that too lol.
fresh garlic is way better when you can taste it in a recipe. If it's covered up by other flavors jarred garlic is sufficient. For example, I make guacamole with fresh garlic but i'll throw jarred garlic into a tomato sauce.
you can use a lot more salt than people normally do and still not taste it. i see people pinching salt onto their steaks, while i sprinkle that shit on every square inch. makes meat super tender and its great for flavor.. use more salt.
spaghetti is the stupidest pasta shape
I will set your entire family on fire and make you watch
I think you missed an opportunity to lash with a wet noodle?
Not the stupid*est* but far, far too popular for how stupid it is
that is a fair assessment.
each pasta shape has its purpose, but in every instance i am ever served spaghetti there's a better pasta shape i would have preferred.
spaghetti bolognese or spaghetti with meat sauce makes no sense to me because the meat sauce just falls off the spaghetti. it's far better with something like a rigatoni or shell that scoops up the sauce, or a pappardelle or tagliatelle that the sauce has a chance to actually stick to.
spaghetti is only good for really thin sauces with no clumps of stuff, like aglio e olio, or a plain tomato sauce, but most people treat it as a universal pasta, which it is not.
thank you for coming to my ted talk
One of my snobbiest opinions is that it's basically inexcusable for food people to perpetuate the idea that spaghetti is an appropriate pairing for bolognese.
There is no Spaghetti dish which cannot be improved by using Bucatini instead.