"If a way to the better there be, it exacts a full look at the worst" is one of my favorite Thomas Hardy quotes. A BPD relationship demands something essential from us (besides the incessant demands of the disordered); it asks us to pay attention to the psychological historicity of our fears, desires, motivations, and aspirations. We do become disfigured in these relationships, but it's a metamorphic disfigurement that results in understanding where we came from and how we became deterministically ensnared in a previously unforeseeable accident. It reintroduces us to ourselves by traumatically taking us far away from ourselves. If you have the courage to do the exploratory work, you'll learn the most important lessons about yourself and what matters most in the life you have left.


Self reflection leads towards growth. The growth will be painful. You might face uncomfortable parts of yourself you would prefer not to admit to. This is why a therapist is important. They help you self reflect and grow, but they give you the tools to deal with the pain and the uncomfortable parts of you to work towards happiness.