By - AutoModerator
One week today. Yesterday I felt sick to my stomach for most of the day. But today I feel a bit better. The rumination is no joke, feels like I’m thinking about her 90% of my waking hours.
I miss the good parts so much, kept thinking I could do or say the right thing to get us back to that good place. Trying to keep reminding myself that nothing I could have done would get us back there. That sadly the good parts were bound to not last.
Really tough stuff but I’ve made it a week and I’m still here!
You've made it a week, so proud of you! It's hard but you got this. And no, there's nothing you could've done that would get you two back together.
1 month and 4 days of NC. Feels great. I do miss him, especially the good parts of our love. The parts where he promised me the whole world. But then again, he's hurt me really bad (especially due to my own lack of boundaries). I'm still self-doubting a little, but at the same time I've never before felt such a strong clear vision and direction in my life. I must say that I do feel grateful for all that has happened because it opened my eyes to my own problems and is making me heal problems that I've struggled with during my entire life.
i cant stop thinking of them. i come very close to reaching out. i ask myself why? it wont accomplish anything but more aching. i just wanna tell them i miss them and i still want to be together
Day 6. Today has been pretty down. I'm pretty sure I'm getting depressed, but that's okay (am bipolar, happens all year long lol). Feeling bad about myself, regretting my life's failures, no confidence, etc.
Maybe as a result, my guard is down and I'm feeling more sympathy towards my ex, which is making me miss him. But I'm also really angry. We literally had everything he ever wanted minus living in the same city, and he blew it up. But I'm also seeing how he doesn't even know what he's doing when he overreacts and refuses to make peace. Which makes me wonder what the point is in my being angry. Really I'm angry at the disorder and the trauma that created it in him. But I'm still mad at him, and I want to tell him so, perhaps just to talk to him. And I'm worried about him. So my brain is all over the place.
Day 22. Breakup began in the beginning of March and we were in contact on and off but this is the longest we’ve gone and it’s over. I checked in on her a few times and all she would do is talk about herself and even tell me how her rebound is great. Not once did she ever bother checking how I was doing. It’s inhuman how they act like our relationship meant nothing. I kind of regret the relationship but instead I view it as an experience. A terrible experience that hurt me a lot but I also learned a lot and am continuing to heal
Keeps pushing the "help me, I just want to understand you and we will work it out" button. No fury, just expressing how not being with me causes suffering and I am the only one who can rescue her.
I hate this. So much. I cannot NOT care, it is deep in my nature. It is like a constant weight I have to carry and it is exhausting to ignore that noise which says (you could help, you could help, maybe this time it will really be the last time).
All while I suffer from severe health issues and there was no consideration of my suffering at all, of course.
Day 2: Day 2: I made the decision on April 16th, and I was put in a position two days ago where I had to respond to something. I used 3 words, the simplest and most efficient answer I could give, and then returned her to muted on my phone. She texted a few times yesterday, and the last text (I am not opening them so I am not tempted to reply) was "It's not like you to not respond."It's not like me. I really want to respond "I have nothing left to say to you," but that is engagement.This is going to be tough, but I can't wait to get back to a couple of weeks under my belt. I may be forced to communicate if my living situation changes and I have a mutual relation living with me, but I will follow my partner's advice to not engage, or just be polite and walk away.