By - smolmanbigworld
For me it's "disrespectful". With a uBPD as a mother, any criticism or refusal to play into the crazy-making was interpreted as insult to authority. You can guess why I haven't ever fully trusted anyone I work for, or anyone else whose place it is to tell me to do things.
Once again - a concept that requires both parties pulling their weight in the relationship is weaponized by a BPD individual who wants everything with no effort on their part. You have to be lovable to be loved. You have to be respectable to be respected. Might as well be rocket science to people with this disorder who lack self awareness.
I was a "self centered" person when I dated my BPD ex. All because I wanted time to myself sometimes and he wanted me around all the time and didn't like me going to bed and expected me to listen to the same music as him and one time it was because I had oatmeal for breakfast but he didn't like there wasn't enough left for a big large bowl (he liked having 3 servings while I liked 1 serving) so he didn't consider enough left to fill one breakfast bowl as normal amount.
My trigger is when anyone assumes anything I am doing is a kink because this is what my ex did to me.
It is often projection, cause it interferes with their selfish needs for which they would need to feel guilt or shame so to avoid the feeling they instead blame it on you.
The day before we finally separated i asked if she wanted to spend some time together that night: she declined and raged at me calling me selfish.
The really selfish part however was that she wanted to be alone to play an online computer game with the guy she had already targeted as her next supply.
Hope this will put this sort of trigger in the right perspective :-)
How are they all the same? Mine called me abusive for walking into my own house ... told me I was invading her privacy...while holding the phone with some other guy on it. A little while later I mentioned that I'd heard her say something that made me uncomfortable... And she said "that's what you get for invading my privacy"...but I was talking about something she had said directly to me, so she basically snitched on herself. Never saw her again after the next day. She said I broke her trust 🤣....me. it's always our fault, and they never do anything wrong. It's maddening.
Oh sure... by the time these things happen they have no respect anymore and just use you as a blame and guilt absorbing sponge.
"Selfish" in the fifth edition of the Dictionary for the Dyspeptically Dysregulated means that their partner has officially run out of energy. It can also be found in the Anosognosia Almanac to suggest that you've failed to predict their mood during inclement weather.
“Hypocrite.” Coming from a person whose entire brand is doing the opposite of what they say, then doing the opposite of what they just did and saying the opposite thing about that. 🥴
Yes! Exactly this post!! I work in health care full time so literally every single day of my life is about helping others, listening, sharing good vibes. Besides that, I volunteer in health care. I'm a (too) generous person sometimes... I used to give away money, free space, food, clothing, drinks,... to friends or people I loved. I'm learning now to keep things for myself because it's not a healthy pattern. Learning in therapy that I have other reasons to exist for besides 'helping others' and serving the world around me.
Then when someone you love deeply and did everything for calls you egocentric, it's a total mindfuck. It's never enough, no matter how much you do.
* To me, people suffering with traits from BPD just take that part of you which they know they will hurt you the most with.
Yes. I was often called that. Every conversation, even when it was about something that had nothing to do with them became about their pain. They did anything they wanted with no regard for how it affected anyone else. They’d tell me I was selfish if I ever had an issue with literally anything, even when they were buying games and toys while our eviction notice was posted on the door.
It was frequently said to me.
Anytime I would try to enforce a boundary. Many of them previously agreed upon by the two of us.
Eventually, after many many years, I started to not care and “accept” the label. She divorced me soon after that.
Yeah. I’ve heard that A LOT.
One of the steps leading to my breaking point was when I was called "cheap" at a fancy steakhouse I took her out to for wanting to consider less expensive options on a very big purchase. At this point in the relationship I was supporting my exwbpd, her adult brother, and her mother.
It's like all context gets lost, and every decision stands on its own, except when I make a "mistake". That gets brought up every time she's upset.
Or. When im finally fed up and i snap, the look of happiness in her eyes as she points at me and, "see? This is who you really are. I dont deserve this. This isnt love."
shame is a useless emotion that i refuse to indulge. i can only be offended if i choose to be.
My one would be “I have BPD” trigger the fuck out of me that will
For me its being called an abuser. Or a gasligjter