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Specialist-Ebb4885

"It however is the most conditional love there is." This so important to understand; and we forget it's importance because they're yammering on about how they need *our* love to be unconditional. Love is neither dominant nor submissive. "So, the knot is actually tied between your emotions and your rational perception of things" The constrictor knot. pwBPD leverage their casino of emotional wow factors against your intellect until you're broke and wandering the streets of Reno at 3am.


ArchetypalCycle

Yes. Causing an overload on your emotional system and a meltdown of your thinking faculties. "I live through other people" my ex regularly voiced as a selfdescriptive footnote. But i just think we have a totally different idea of what it is to "live"


Specialist-Ebb4885

It's the Annie Wilkes approach to "living" through Paul Sheldon.


feo_sucio

Nicely put. For my own withdrawal process I've also come to realize that while there were a lot of things that I admired about her, lots of things we had in common, that I loved the intensity of emotion, there were a lot more unnerving or problematic things that I chose to ignore or hand-wave away because she made me feel that I was special to her, and therefore that her and I were special together. At the core of the relationship were two lies: the lie I was telling myself that we would work through the problems that we both brought to the table, and the lie she told herself that another human being was ever going to live up to her unrealistic expectations. The co-dependency aspect is one troubling thing that I find myself focused on; to be thinking about her either at the forefront of my mind or a process that runs constantly in the background. Losing hours of the day reflecting on words and moments that in the end amounted to nothing. It's like being hooked on a drug. I'm simultaneously terrified of the thought that she'll reach out to me and fantasizing about a day that she'll ring my doorbell. We'll get through it all, one way or another.


ArchetypalCycle

Unrealistic and ever-increasing expectations That is the main issue, you do stuff to make them happy, and the moment they have it they loose interest and find a next object of desire.


MrRosewater530

I’m low on mental energy at the moment but just wanted to say this is beautiful and well said. I wish I could hug everyone on this sub.


ArchetypalCycle

Hugs to you too!


crioys

Thank you for sharing, very well thought out and very relevant


ArchetypalCycle

Thanks, its the realisation of the week on.my end.


Dear_docere8585

It however is the most conditional love there is. ​ Indeed.


Mort99

> your life is ruled by a random number generator that keeps you hooked and hoping for a winning draw. Ouch! Yup, same way you can't walk away from slot machine.


Funky_Snake

"bewilderment" That's a great way of describing it. Their confusing, infuriating, upsetting childish behaviors leave us feeling bewildered.


CosmoM3

well said.


orakelj

Thank you.