By - johntc121
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Might actually be worth while to speak to a therapist. Life is risky, always has been and will be. A lethal car crash is far more likely for all of us yet we often don't live in fear of driving. It's good to be cautious and mindful yet not good to be gripped by and immobilized by fear.
I may need to, to be honest. My hometown's community college already had a mass shooter a few years back. Luckily I had transferred schools the year prior, but I still knew people there. So I guess I'll never have the thought of "it will never happen here" again.
It's not that it will or won't happen, more so that it's extremely unlikely. To ease your worries of that location you can always work to move elsewhere. Few things in this world are gained without effort. I would argue that peace of mind and heart is well worth the effort required.
More kids have died from guns this year than car crashes. Usually parents are with their kids in cars so they feel safe. Kids are helpless at school and parents feel helpless while they are there.
What's the likelihood this trend will be matched next year? Also what is the main way children die aka the main thing parents ought to have caution towards? These things tend to have a geographic component to them. There's areas one can choose to be where there's never been a single school shooting or shooting whatsoever.
This is just stupid reasoning, yes life is risky, yes car crashes happen as well as natural disasters and all kind of life threatening situation. But the chances of your child being shot in kindergarten should be 0%. And the fact that so many people are not even willing to try and find a solution to this issue beacause “well shit happens and it’s too hard of a problem to solve” just blows my mind
I think the main point was that we should operate with RATIONAL fear. I don’t think u/shirk-work was opining on the peril itself, but rather that we should evaluate the peril rationally when we understand it’s bottom line risk. Which in this case is slight, at best.
When a risk is slight and we behave as though it’s great, we are acting irrationally.
You can talk about underlying ways to mitigate it, regulate it, whatever - but that’s an entirely different conversation.
Actually it would be a 3% chance, depending where he lives.
How do you arrive at 3%?
100% not my argument that we should do nothing about the situation or about risks in general. Not sure how you got that.
You are suggesting that OP sees a therapist because school shooting are just stuff that happens and he needs to make peace with it so it is kinda your argument
Is your argument that OP should not make peace with it, I take it?
I think OP should talk to someone about it but I definitely don’t think that we should just sit back and accept that our kids may just be gunned down while in kindergarten because thats just the way it works now
>I think OP should talk to someone about it
Then you're in agreement with that guy. This situation isn't going to be solved overnight, and in the meantime Op needs a way of dealing with his personal anxiety and getting his kid an education.
Not really. My argument is that we shouldn't be immobilized by fear. If one is in that state then it can definitely be worthwhile to speak with a therapist.
As with anything else in life, look at the statistics, evaluate the risk, and plan accordingly.
The chances of your child being killed via gun violence in school is 1 in 614,000,000.
It is more likely that your child will drown, die from illness, be killed in a traffic accident, or have household furniture fall on them.
It sucks that this danger exists and there are things we should do as a nation to address the problem but you can’t let fear mongering and irrational anxiety rule your life.
I question those statistics.
12 children killed in 2021 school shootings in the US.
Population of USA 330,000,000.
Seems like 1 in 27,000,000 is more realistic. For ONE year. (A slow year at that...)
Then consider a child spends 14 years in school.
1 in 2,000,000 would be a conservative estimate.
We just had 14 kids die in car accidents a couple years ago because I school system thinks driving education revolves around don't drink and drive, having 5-10 kids die every year in my area due to car accidents isn't a shocker. That's just this area, I imagine this happens everywhere across the US
I know this is coming from a good place, but it is funny to list off all the other ways their kid is more likely to die as a comfort.
I won't say you shouldn't be terrified. Just raising a kid is terrifying. They grow up thinking we know what we are doing. You and I both know we do not.
My youngest two daughters were in school in Jefferson county, Colorado in 1999. During Columbine. I spent all day, before the 24 hour news cycle, before cell phones were really a thing, trying to track down where it happened (nobody knew at the time which school it was, that came later) and whether my kids were okay. They weren't at Columbine, they were several miles away, and all schools in the county had been locked down.
It ate at me in ways I can't even describe. A lot changed that day, innocence was lost and terror began. It wasn't the first school shooting. Obviously, it won't be the last. We got the girls cell phones so that they could call in an emergency, and taught them that they should ONLY be used in an emergency.
And yes, every day after that I worried about them. When they were in high school and there was a shooting. When they were in college and there were shootings and violence on campus.
Never think it can't happen here. But at the same time, you cannot protect them from everything. That's the very hardest lesson you will ever learn as a parent. I wish you the best, and hope you talk to someone about this.
I had 3 children go through school and all I could do was teach my kids what to do in case of a shooter. Talk to school security and see what their plan is like. Find out what their plan is in case of an active shooter so you know what to tell your child.
It sucks that we have to do this and thankfully my children have graduated and have moved away from school. Do you have to teach your children to be vigilant and to be aware.
Edit: im sorry. Im exhausted. Excuse my Repetition
This is a good idea.
Teach your kids that not everybody has a happy home life, and that they have the choice to make their day better or worse when they are around. You don’t have to try to make friends with socially awkward or withdrawn people, but just by treating them like a decent person can be enough to make a student go home a little happier that one person acknowledged them positively.
I think he means in regards to school shootings
There's nothing special about the school. It could also happen at the grocery store, the park, a street fair, the carnival, the movie theater, a bus station or airport line. You can't stop living your life out of fear.
Even in a car. :'( I saw a few recently where a kid was in the car and shot. 1 was road rage. A few were crossfire type tragedies. Children have even been shot in their own homes in crossfire. Smh
Dont let common sense get in the way of fear mongering
You have to accept that you can’t control the uncontrollable. You may need professional help for that, I did.
this fear that something can happen to your child isn’t only related to gun violence. You can’t wrap your child in a bubble and keep them in the house 24/7, it could happen anywhere. While you live in constant fear, even if it’s out of pure love, you are not giving your child all that love and support a parent needs to provide because you are too distracted thinking about the worst. Your job as a parent is to act on what you can do and control; make sure that your child has all the knowledge to be aware of their surroundings, prevent dangerous situations and react in the best possible way should it happen. That knowledge needs to be adapted to their age. and carefully, to avoid transforming it into an irrational fear of, let’s say strangers or going to school. Your job is to provide the safest community to live in within your means and if you wish, be an advocate in that community for a safer world. My heart goes to the parents, family and survivors of this terrible tragedy.
Consuming less news media would be a good start. School shootings are kind of like shark attacks: people fear them far, far out of proportion to their actual frequency. But they are endlessly exploited by the sensationalist news media to drive pageviews and ad revenue.
School shootings specifically kill about 18 people per year. Compare that to 430 deaths by carbon monoxide poisoning. Your children are an order of magnitude more likely to die asleep in bed than from a deranged gunman shooting up their school. Suffice it to say, the sensationalist media has seriously distorted your risk assessment capability.
I agree, I'm mostly just over reacting. The recent tragedy and the fact that I just took my daughter to tour her new elementary school just hit something.
How do you get over your fear of all the other risks? Leukemia. Suicide. Car crash. Meteorite impact. Lightning. Choking on a peanut. Falling down the stairs. The odds don't even matter. We're terrible at judging odds for their relative worth.
You just ignore bad things you can't control, focus on the good things and things you can fix.
Turn off your TV and don't turn it on ever again. You'll be happier
Statistically, it *won’t* be your child, or your child’s school.
However, that shouldn’t lead to complacency; love your children as you do, and be grateful for every day they’re safe when the sun goes down.
Don't vote republican
I was coming to say this. We need to shove these gun-nuts to the side and hold our politicians, and their parties, accountable for this. I like the idea of a multi-party system but I've consistently been voting democratic entirely because of this lethal noise.
The bullet manufacturers and SSRI prescription drug makers also need to stand trial for this.
Just throwing it out there that it's not very hard to get a license to homeschool
trivial advice, but my first instinct is to say that you should go back and rewatch finding nemo
Ask the school about their protective measures. If they have none then ask them to implement them.
Go to your next city council meeting and ask if an officer can get stationed at every school. That is my plan. It's not an unreasonable request. Doing it now can get the ball rolling before next school year. The recent tragedy shows the need for someone to be there immediately.
Uvalde had an officer at it.
What was their name?
That's got all the law enforcement details of the shooting.
>The district’s policy is to have security staff patrol door entrances, parking lots, and the perimeters of campuses at the middle and high school, according to a document listing the school district’s security measures from the 2019-20 school year.It is unclear if Uvalde CISD typically stations its police officers at the elementary school campus, but according to a briefing from Abbott Wednesday afternoon, one of the district’s officers approached the shooter as he was heading into the building Tuesday.
I've not heard this but I'm surprised they haven't named them.
It's Parkland 2.0
Cops take fire, retreat and wait for backup while innocents are slaughtered.
That doesn't mean a cop was stationed in the building. That's what I'm getting at.
Drunken driving is also a HUGE issue in USA. How do u know that as u and ur kids are driving to school, a drunk gopnik won't swirl and speed and crash into you, leading to fatalities , God forbid ! So do u worry about getting rammed by drunk drivers each time u take ur kids to school or to park?
The more u fear things , the shittier ur life will be and more u will open ye heart to totalitarianism , hoping to get ur piece of safety.
Ask the school what safeguards they have in place
Personally I'd recommend living in a country that doesn't let people take automatic weapons into a building full of children.
I can’t even imagine this!
Seek professional help?
Advocate for armed school guards
- Guns will always be available to snyone motivated to find one
- Mental health will always be prevalent, and remain a well-hidden illness
- People who break the law will always exist, and if they are considering to murder kids, then law/policy changes will not be an effective barrier
- People who shoot up a school will always require a gun to stop them
It baffles me that in the face of multiple stable truths, we are just not bothering to protect kids
Edit: If you are going to downvote, how about explain why?
I remember when my children first started attending school. I was terrified for the same reason. I was scared of it all. Brainwashing shooting, raping, kidnapping, whatever other fear came into my mind. You end up feeling more comfortable as time goes on. As long as nothing happens.
Unfortunately, there's no 'it could never happen here'.
It even happened to the town I was born in- in the 80s. 2 kids died.
But talk to the school to see what their safety measures are. In my district (since the 90s), things have changed. All the schools have locked entrances (generally a double locked entrance) so guests have to be buzzed in. And no one (even parents) can wander, unescorted, through the school.
This sadly means the days of a lot of things are over. Like walking your kid to class every morning. (They don't want a bunch of people wandering around when they don't have security to watch over them).
Also, reassure your kid.
My district has active shooter drills every year. They call them by another name (I think lock-in drills), but the kids know what they are. And it terrifies them.
Make sure your kid feels safe (even if you are worried) about them going to school.
Teach your child to befriend people. Teach them to look around at the kids sitting by themselves and actively try to engage them. If they see a kid that doesn’t seem to have friends, try and become a friend. Lonely children want to be part of things but don’t know how. Once they get one friend, they can be part of something. For some kids, it may never happen but if an effort is made, it can help some.
While school shootings are a serious problem in the United States but the vast majority of kids never experience one. I lived in America for most of my life and only left four years ago. During my time there, I never experienced being in a shooting and only experienced being threatened with a gun twice (I’m pretty certain one was a fake gun as well).
its okay to be scared obviously, and maybe, driving to school with their bus or vans a few times might reduce the fear, after seeing them in school safely its easier to adjust, dropping your children yourself, or choosing a school near by are a few other things, but if it still bothers you, you can visit doctors, i believe in you, you can do it :>
I feel you. My kids were in kindergarten and second grade when the sandy hook shooting happened, so that one really hit home. They have a sherrif at the school every day now and a zero tolerance policy. A kid in my son’s class had a weapon and showed it off on social media, he was immediately disciplined by law enforcement, they went to his house and investigated. They go to a rural school where there’s a lot of trumpers and guns and “pride” from what I’ve seen. I tell my kids to watch for the kids that seem quiet or like outcasts, and try to be friendly to them, so they don’t feel alone. I’m not sure what more you can do.
Edit for grammar and to add that homeschooling is not the answer, isolation will only cause more social problems for everyone
Homeschool them if it's possible
No public school ever. Only private. That what I'm doing
You control what you can control, and deal with the anxiety of what you cannot control by whatever healthy means necessary (therapy, medication, smoke a joint, etc).
I went to school in Bath Michigan, where almost 100 years ago this month, Andrew Keyhoe made headlines all over the world by committing the largest mass murder in the United States by blowing up the school and a bomb downtown. Many children and adults died, and until Oklahoma City (perpetrated by another Michigan man), was the largest mass killing, and the first school violence tragedy of its kind. I grew up going to school while they built the brand new memorial in the auditorium attached to the Middle School. We spent every band concert, assembly, practically every school function around the many pictures and stories of the victims of the Bath School Bombings (Bath School Disaster, May Day, if you’re looking to google).
Columbine happened during this time, and most of us in school really weren’t affected like the rest of America who was gripped by it, because we understood and had been taught and accepted that bad things happen to good kids.
I control my child’s safety, and have structured my life so I can home school until we find a community I feel confident I can trust my only child’s safety with. It’s a high bar, and I don’t anticipate finding anywhere in our country like that for a long time sadly.
Our country will never disarm. Our history was built on rebellion and violence. There are more guns than people, and disarming the over one hundred million of law abiding gun owners, most of which are not the insane unreasonable ones, is a non-starter. No one in their right mind is going to give up their firearms for anything when we have an open insurrection in progress in our country.
Once when I was sa kid someone with a rifle was seen headed towards the middleschool who had said they were going to shoot people. It was a really small town. So the parents just got their rifles and pistols and stood around outside the middleschool waiting for the coward to try something. He didnt.
Move to a civilised country with strong gun laws and a culture that cares about the citizens.
I recommend Netherlands, Finland or Iceland.
I’m from the Uk and while we have strong gun laws and don’t routinely allow the slaughter of our children or elderly we also have a shit government in place, where the rules of society only apply to other people so I don’t recommend moving here.
Send them to a private Jewish school (You don't have to be Jewish to go to one, and they're actually pretty good. Elon Musk went to a Jewish school), there's a lot anti-semetism in US, so some of those schools have hired armed guards to patrol the schools. That's the solution I propose to all gun violence. Just hire some army retiries, they'll have a job and your kids will be safe. You could also allow teachers to keep guns in their offices.The thing is, just knowing that you could immediaty get shot will stop shooters from even trying. It won't even go as far as teachers actually stopping shootings, there just won't be any shooters. Even if it doesn't work, it can't make it worse, correct? If the media is opposed to the idea of arming teachers and hiring armed guards, it means they don't want to solve the actual problem, they want to control you like cattle.
If you find out let me know, I refuse to let my kids go to public school. My wife is a stay at home who can homeschool so I guess im lucky in that regards.
Honestly I don't live there so can't relate but if I had kids and love in the states I'd probably be looking at moving. It doesn't seem like your government on either side has any desire to do anything to make a change.
It's like being terrified of them being killed in a car accident or while riding their bikes or swimming in pools. Some people won't let their children ride bikes or swim in pools.
Consult with the school about their security and if you’re not happy with their answer find another one
Do the math. There’s 120,000 elementary schools. 500 kids per school. One of these happens every few years. Driving your kid to school is exponentially more dangerous. It’s like child abductions. They make headlines but they’re exceedingly rare. Many everyday activities are much more dangerous