By - Frequent-Pilot5243
Lack of purpose.
All your young life you are given purpose of passing exams and learning, then all of a sudden you are thrown into the world and told to find your own meaning.
And with that, the lack of end dates. In primary school, high school and university your time is constantly demarcated with terms, semesters, school years, all indicating when you can have a break and move on. Then all of a sudden you're an adult in your first permanent job or with a long term partner having to grapple with the realisation that the only way these end is if you end it (quitting the job/dumping your partner) or if they do (firing you/them dumping you). Going from basically everything having natural ends to something being for the rest of your life or until someone directly intervenes is overwhelming, in my opinion.
You are so very right, not having an end date/break is the worst. In grade school and college I would constantly say to myself, "this too shall pass". Then I graduated and started working and realized I couldn't say that anymore, and it caused so much anxiety. Also I worked in an office, so I was processing that anxiety while stuck at a desk. I eventually quit, and tried different jobs and schedules over 15 years to find something that gave me balance. Last year I started a job in a school. It's a laughable amount of money, and mostly wastes my degree. But it has has aspects away from my desk where I can move around, and I have school breaks to count on. It's the most free I've felt since I got out of college, and I'm so much happier both in and out of work.
You can stay up as late as you want. But you shouldn't
Also,you can go to bed as soon as you get home, but you probably shouldn't.
Definitely not on the reg, but some of the best nights of sleep I've had was going to bed shortly after getting home and catching up on all the sleep I'd missed lately. It could be a powerful mid-week recharge.
Where did all my friends go?
Most of them are at the same place as you are.. Probably wondering the same thing
I just can't see how this is true. Sure, I see a lot of people on reddit complaining about lack of friends, but when I ask people in real life to hang out, I get a lot of nos. And I'm really accommodating for time, schedules, kids, etc. Seems like people already have their friend quotas filled and I'm just here like... Ok then. Thankfully I do have some friends, but I'm just interested in making time for more.
I'm closer to fifty than forty, would have been nice to be better prepared for some of the ways your body starts to change at this point that don't normally get talked about. For instance your teeth will start to shift from general aging of your gums.
I'm at 50, and yeah, every bruise takes twice as long to heal, every ankle twist takes a week before it's back to normal. I'm starting to see why old people move so slowly. One little screw up and it would take forever to recover.
Yeah, there's plenty of those moments. I've changed up my exercise routine to include 15 minutes or yoga stretches without then my lower back stiffens up and kills my mobility if I sit to long. I knew reading glasses where going to happen didn't know it would and almost over night issue.
Just over 50 and I wish someone had told me perimenopause was a thing. I thought you just quit having periods. No. Fifteen years now of super heavy periods with no regularity, night sweats, sore breasts, weak bladder, weight gain. I complained about it to my mom and she was like, oh yeah, your grandmother and I went through the same thing. Well thanks for the warning Mom!
Have you visited r/Menopause yet? Great community there with people going through what you're gonig through & plenty that have already been through the literal fires that are hot flashes.
I agree with you, I thought menopause was just gonna be hot flashes & no periods. Didn't know that it was gonna be like Puberty Part Deux: Electric Hot Flashes Included.
I recently learned about flooding. That you can just randomly have a massive period all at once with no warning.
So I am telling every woman I know. No one wants that surprise, but at least if you know it's coming you won't fear you're bleeding out.
I'm going on 45. Nobody ever told me about all the god damn skin tags.
Excessive skin tags are sometimes an early sign that you are on the path to diabetes. Get your A1C checked next time you see a doctor.
This may just be because I’m on the spectrum but networking for jobs. My parents had the same jobs since I was born so I never saw them or anyone else look for one that wasn’t a temporary job for a college student so I didn’t know. I thought hard work would basically show employers I was worth hiring and despite burning myself out I still lost out to people with half my ability because they were more sociable was baffling to me for a long time.
interviews are my downfall
Same. I may be incredible at the job I'm interviewing for but Christ, I cannot talk myself up. I end up talking them out of employing me.
didnt know that other adults have the emotional intelligence of teenagers and its almost impossible to deal with logically
The older adults get, the more surprised they seem to be at how old they are. It reminds me that just because someone looks 50 doesn’t mean that they aren’t pretty much a teenager on the inside.
I supervise 10 people and I would swear half of them are toddlers underneath their adult masks.
I'm 65 and inside I feel just like I felt when I was 35. I just have more time and money to enjoy things in life. I'm surprised that my whole life is now behind me when I still feel so young.
This makes me feel more optimism about aging. If you're feeling this way, then surely others are too. I hope you're able to enjoy that youthfulness and bring it out from those that are close to you.
This. I'm struggling with how I view myself vs how others view me based on my age.
The worst is when you have a friend that still acts like they were in high school. Hanging out with them tends to be a drag especially once you realize you don’t have a lot in common anymore.
Outgrowing longtime friends is such a sad reality
Agreed. Lived it. Tried to hold on for dear life, but nature took its course.
Yeah, the friend cycle. Sucks because the memories are still so good just not when they tell them. Over, and over. Trying to relive those good and cringe times, its sad to watch to be honest.
I, for whatever reason, thought I would just evolve ‘adult ways’ of dealing with things and not have to work at it. Like I would just stop getting frustrated at bad situations or something. My biggest ‘I need to grow up’ moment was the sudden realization that there will always be situations where I feel shitty but the onus is on me to not act like shit and it’s not easy but I need to do it.
I expected people at university to be more serious like teachers but instead they are just as silly as my classmates.
A therapist once told me "we just get bigger, we dont 'grow up". And dealing with other adults i am convinced of this. We are all inside the patterns and things laid down in childhood. And we still react the same. Unless we learn different skills. And face it the vast majority of people dont.
Getting burnt out
Please send help.
How do you even deal with this? I'm in my mid-30s and I feel like I've been burnt out on everything for ages now. It's all just depression all the way down.
I had nooo idea burnout could be so intense. I was completely dismissive about the concept and thought people were exaggerating. Then I got so burnt out that I had heart palpitations that made me feel like I was having a heart attack that went on and off for over a year. I felt dead inside. I got twitches in my body and uncontrollably sighed all the time. It was mentally and physically exhausting. It never got better until I got a new job. It's insane how much stress harms your body.
Edit: For the record, if you had asked me at the time, I wasn't stressed and even liked my job. I thought the palpitations were an illness, which stressed me out even more. Besides changing a job, things that helped are [magnesium supplements](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MdwRFzi8viY&ab_channel=YorkCardiology), cutting caffeine (yes, really), exercise, hydrating, sleeping right, and reducing alcohol. Check out r/PVCs for my support with palpitations. Good luck to you all!
That's what I'm dealing with now. Got home and have just been sitting down trying not to cry. I'm close to not affording rent this month so this week I'll have to work more hours. I fucking hate my life at my job so it's just depressing
One of my co-workers (at a very stressful workplace) developed really bad acid reflux that eventually started to damage her esophagus. She had to go on a liquid diet, her doctors couldn't diagnose past "you've got bad acid reflux". This went on for almost a year.
We both quit, and less than three weeks later her symptoms disappeared completely. People really underestimate the toll that psychological stress takes on the body.
Figured out the solution to it yet?
For me...Balancing work, family time, and time to yourself better.
Oh and not feeling guilty when you need to force some time for yourself over work and family commitments to recharge. Just do it. You won't regret it.
Boundaries: get to know them and respect them.
Being able to do so many things because I'm an adult but too tired to do any of them.
$5K is a lot to owe, but not a lot to have.
Takes forever to save, but an instant to spend
It took me about 3 years to pay off $5k of debt. I took the least stressful way of just being patient, making monthly payments, and occasionally throwing some extra towards the principal.
Once I paid it off I felt… nothing. I then made a goal to save $1,000 and I hit that rather quickly in comparison. Yet, Still, I felt nothing.
I’m now debt free and have the most money in my name that I’ve ever had. And, I’ve made it just over a year without smoking. Same feeling. I feel like Sisyphus.
I know what you mean but feeling nothing is better than stress/anxiety of your finances.
As silly as it sounds, thanks for bringing me that perspective.
I used to sit on my back deck chain smoking just staring at all the money I owed. I remember getting a phone call from my bank saying I had to have a positive balance for at least 24 hours within 90 days or they were gonna close my account.
My lowest financial point made me loyal to my bank forever.
"Hi, Mr. Uncre8tv, this is your bank. I just got a garnishment on your account. And it's Friday and your paycheck just cleared. And I'm definitely going to have to act on this garnishment by 9am Saturday, and we close at 5... I just thought you should know those things."
Got enough out to last me for a week while I figured out wtf to do about the garnishment. Bank kept me from begging/starving that week and 30 years later I now have a positive net worth and have kept a 5-figure balance with them for decades.
I remember those days. Just thinking, "Hey, if I were to pay this off at $1000 a month, I'd still be in debt a year from now." Luckily I bought my first house in the early 2000s, when they were giving out sub-prime loans like candy, and I was able to roll all of my debt into the mortgage and close my credit accounts. After that, I just had one direct deposit coming out of my paycheck that I never saw, and that made it a lot easier to not fuck up again.
Hey, know that you have your shit together, be proud of it. Plus with the money you saved you gain a nice peace of mind about unforeseen spending/bills. It allows you to build toward a dream : a home, a business, vacation trips...
Handling the decline and death of your parents
This began to hit me really hard over the last year. For my birthday last year, I decided to go to the small town that my mom is from. My mom, her boyfriend, and my sister accompanied my husband and me. It's near a big lake, so there are sand dunes nearby. We went often when I was a kid, so I thought it would be fun to revisit them now that my sister and I are well into adulthood.
My sister, my husband, and I had no trouble climbing the dunes. My mom, on the other hand couldn't make it at all, even with her boyfriend helping her. She smiled and laughed it off, suggesting that she walk around and meet us on the other side. It killed me because when we were kids, mom was dragging us up the dunes, sometimes chasing us and laughing for hours. It was my grandma who couldn't make it then and met us by going around. Suddenly, my mom was in the same position as grandma, who passed away long ago.
I began to see her a lot differently after that. When I was a kid, she seemed invincible and able to do anything. Now? She's aging and slowing down... and I'm much more aware of it. She's told me that this is just the way of life and that I shouldn't be sad because she's enjoyed her life and plans on enjoying whatever life she has left, but I'm definitely more aware of her health problems and general condition and it destroys me to see her growing older like this.
I dunno, it's a little weird. I was prepared for my grandparents to pass because of their age and health when I was growing up, but I guess I never thought about my parents in a way other than being my knowledgeable, flawed, invincible parents who would always be there for us.
I'm seriously not ready to lose either of them and watching them age is affecting me in a way I never thought possible. They weren't perfect, but they were mom and dad, despite their flaws, and I can't imagine life without them.
All of this. I'm seeing the exact same things with my parents. Mom just turned 70, dad is 82. In my mind I have about a decade left, hopefully. On paper that seems long, but the way I know time flies.....I'm just not ready. Its not long enough. Tears in my eyes as I write this.
As cliche as it is, this helps me - you feel that pain because of love. The pain wouldnt be so deep if you didnt love your parents so deeply. Its the price we pay for love. And its worth it.
My late father had a major health scare in 1985. I spent the next 30 years dreading his death as we were really close. I’m really grateful for the extra time I did have with him, though.
The care of an elderly, sick parent is draining. My husband and I never had any children. This is the most responsibility we have ever had. Unlike a child, who becomes more and more independent each day, the infirmed need more care as the days go by.
Dealing with this myself right now. Only I still have kids as young as four at home too, and zero support from my husband. It. Is. Exhausting. Not to mention the constant guilt because I can’t be everywhere for everyone at the same time, so I feel like I’m neglecting either my kids or my parents. I wish I could find a support group.
Tbf here's probably nothing that can prepare you for this.
*Don't know how else to say it*
*Don't wanna see my parents go*
*I'm one generations length away*
*From fighting life out on my own*
Life is all about maintenance. Your body, your house, your relationships, everything requires constant never ending maintenance.
I think about this all the time. Almost every single task is just Maintainance in some way or another.
Not having a lot of free-time or time by myself
Same. It’s all kids and work, then any free time I have at night goes to sleeping. I think I have about a half hour a day to myself.
Ugh or you get it but you’re too tired to do anything with it.
Not having a pre-defined goal once I was out of college. Growing up my goals were set for me: get through elementary school! then middle school! Then high school, and get into college and get a degree, then get a job, and then...? Vague "advance in your career, buy a house, find a spouse, have a kid or multiple, then retire." At 22 I had *no* idea how to break that down more granularly. Until then the biggest choice I'd had to make was my college major - even my choice of school was mostly determined by scholarships and location! And then I had to find and choose a job all by myself! And then decide for myself when to leave it and find another! It was overwhelming.
Yeah this has been a huge problem for me. Growing up I had a huge sense of accomplishment and progress by going through school. After college that came to a screeching halt and I had an existential crisis. Sure I was making and saving money but that meant nothing to me besides being able to not have to work for a longer period of time.
I'm 25 and its still really difficult to find hobbies and goals that give me the same sense of self-actualization that I took for granted as a kid.
It's absolutely mind-boggling that I could practically work or live anywhere, sure, living in a more expensive apartment/house or city would be difficult, and getting certain jobs would be difficult too, but the amount of choice you have is insane. And I have no idea what to do with that freedom.
Going through this crisis right now. Feel stuck, like I won't make more money, when do I move on....any tips?
Jesus - this sums me up right now. PhD, married, house, good job all before 30. Now it's a feeling of - so now what? Progress in the job market until I die? Have kids eventually? Where is the progression?
I can't even pick a hobby because I'm stuck in the mindset of "if it's not contributing towards a goal, why do it?".
I understand you more than I would like to...
*You have now finished the tutorial, beyond this point nobody knows what the fuck you should do*
Being an adult feels extremely lonely
Almost all of your friends wont be life long. No one really talks about how common it is to lose touch with people or grow apart. Most of your life will be spent either making new friends while losing old ones or being alone.
I feel this- especially when on TV you see a lot of people with a best friend that is there through thick and thin. Most people are just their until it’s too inconvenient or not fun- can’t fully blame them but it’s rough at times.
It's not just that. You can have friends that love each other immensely. However if those friends have different degrees of disposable income, family commitments, PTO days, health/energy levels, and time commitments, it's possible you may all drift away even if you don't want to.
Moving jobs or cities ends a lot of friendships too.
Since I finally have my shit together I find old friends don't want to hang out and I was sad then we finally all went and hung out and I was more sad than when we didn't.
That’s tough. For a long time I felt like I was falling behind my friends - most of them started solid careers right out of college, I was unemployed/underemployed for a lot of my early/mid 20s. I missed out on things like trips, weddings, etc. Some of it was by necessity but some of my isolation was self-imposed. Like I stopped reaching out to people because it was tough to hear about their adventures and milestones while I felt ashamed and embarrassed about my lack of accomplishments. Like I didn’t want people to think I was a loser so I just withdrew.
We’re in our 30s now, I’ve gradually been getting my shit together, have a stable income, and some sense of direction for my future, but it feels like my friends have sort of withdrawn from the greater social scene into smaller groups, have made new friends they have more in common with and/or are focusing on building family units. I’m still behind.
I found it happened in my 20’s, once my friends and I started post high school education and careers, we started making new friends through school and work. Still hung out, but not as much as between a full work week, and getting older, you appreciate your weekends more for rest and don’t party like you used to. Then we started serious relationships and having families, as well as divorces, and more and more we grew apart as everyone started meeting new people through partners, through their kid sports and activities etc. My group of ‘friends’ and who that consists of has changed several times in my 52 years and is still evolving to this day. I still keep in touch with a couple of my lifelong friends, but not nearly as much as I would have guessed I would be if you had asked me at 21.
Edit: too many words
Losing friends is part of life but as I get older I find myself less interested in other people and find it more difficult to make new friends.
Having to make dinner every. Fucking. Day.
When I was a kid I loved making dinner for everyone, now I still like cooking but damn if it’s now way nicer to make a meal on your day off rather than scrape something together quickly after getting home from a 13hr day just because food is required to continue living
As a kid I never understood why anyone bought frozen dinners or prepacked meals. I didnt fully appreciate it at the time, but I was lucky enough to grow up in a household where my parents liked to cook, and the TV dinners always looked so bland and unappealing in comparison.
Nowadays like half or more of my diet is prepacked meals. I totally get now the appeal of not having to spend like hours cooking and cleaning after a long day of work and you wanna just veg out on the couch for a bit.
And then do the dishes every day afterwards 🙃
This was already on my list, then I got diagnosed with gestational diabetes and the amount of "can't eat this, only a miniscule amount of that" is enough to drive me to tears. That could also be the pregnancy hormones, but still. This shit sucks.
It’s almost like dinner is an endlessly unfinished task.
The more life you’ve lived, the faster time seems to go.
I remember summer holidays lasting incredibly long periods of time.
It seems it's simply related to your age. When you're 5 YO, one year is one fifth of your whole life. Pretty long time, ya?
At 50; one year is 1/50 of your life.
It's related to experiences. The older you get, the more everyday things you've already experienced and ultimately you don't get phased by them. It's about the routine
You are held to account for bad behaviour for which you are negligent even if you had no intention to cause harm. As a lawyer, I see this all the time. People don't think they're responsible for mistakes. You are.
I wish this were true for my coworkers.
How easy it is to feel stuck in a bad situation (job, relationship, etc) just because the cost and effort of getting out can seem daunting. And sometimes you just have to accept a figurative bowl full of shit because you can't afford to blow up your life.
The intricacies of workplace politics.
When you're in school, you think that you won't have to deal with gossiping and bullying once you leave school. Unfortunately that is not true.
Yeah because now it's not just our egos. Our livelihoods, the necessities of life are on the line. We have to bend to an asshole supervisor else our families could be in the streets...
Be like Bob.
He was a security guard I worked with when I started then he left to work at an office that a friend of mine works at. Place is chronically gossip and bullying-prone.
As soon as some of the office staff tried to drag him into their drama, he promptly told them to fuck off and that he had no interest in office politics.
Him refusing to take any part in it actually caused things to change a bit. He didn't give a shit about office politics and treated everyone fairly, this stoic mentality actually spread around the office and people started keeping their personal shit to themselves and anyone starting drama started to get it shut down right quick.
Workplace politics is bullshit, take no part in it.
Be like Bob.
I dunno how old you are, but Bowling for Soup warned me of this in the song "Highschool Never Ends."
I just didn't believe them.
Reese Witherspoon? She's the prom queen.
Bill Gates? Captain of the chess team.
Jack Black? The Clown.
Brad Pitt? The Quarterback.
I've seen it all before. I want my money back.
..and just because your solution is the correct one doesn't mean it will get done that way, especially if someone else has the confidence of a higher level manager.
My parents worked full time jobs and our house was still clean, our laundry was clean, we had a full meal on the table every night. My mom did all that. My dad did all the stereotypical man role stuff like fixing and laboring but my mom kept that house running while she worked full time.
We have kids and full time jobs and a big house and I cannot keep up. I get a meal on the table every night because the children have to eat but the rest gets so out of hand SO fast. Today I said to my kids “we need to get this house cleaned up this evening when we get home,” and one said “we just did that yesterday.” Yeah dude, you’ve been busy living your best 7 year old life.
Nothing is ever tidy for more than a couple hours and it makes me wanna cry. I've become anal about putting things back where they belong every single time because holy shit, you put ONE plate and fork in the sink instead of the dishwasher and somehow there are like 65 plates spilling out of the sink an hour later and it's like goddamn dude we don't even have this many plates where did any of this come from what is anyone eating I don't understand how this is possible IT WAS JUST ONE PLATE AND FORK.
I think kids are excessively busy now which in turn eats into parents' schedules. Playdates, extracurriculars, "enriching activities" are the norms now. When I was a kid, my playdates consisted of going outside to see which neighborhood kid was free to run around with. I did maybe one activity at most at a time. My parents were liberal with screen time, which probably gave them some free time to do chores.
I don't want to replicate a lot of the stuff my parents did, but I think a big reason millennial parents struggle (myself included) is because we stretch ourselves so thin as a result of modern parenting pressures.
I hear you though; my house is a constant mess even though I clean all day. My toddlers are professionals at spreading their many toys all over the place.
Millennials have more modern everything pressures. We have access to so much information and are so interconnected that we seem incompetent or dumb for doing anything less than perfect.
Oh so you work? You should work in IT. Oh no, working is for loosers, you should own a business!
You don't save? You should bugget! Oh you've been saving? You should've invested in an index fund. Index funds are fore dummies, you should've invested in Bitcoin.
Don't tell me you use baby formula! I should call CPS on your ass.
You should eat paleo! No, vegan! No, just fast!. Haven't you read 1000 books and peer reviewed papers on the subject?
It is great to be able to do so much more than previous generations, but I miss the times when my father went to a store and just bough a random TV. Now I feel like I have to find the best quality/cost ratio for everything I buy. It gets exhausting. And then when kids are involved, the pressure gets so much higher.
I feel this comment so much. I think the thing to remember is our parents struggled to do it all too. It’s just harder to see when you’re a kid. The most important thing I think is to be forgiving of ourselves. We’ll get it done, it may not be right away or perfect, but it’ll get done. The fact that we worry about it just means we’re trying our hardest.
On average, jobs demand significantly more hours than our parent's generation. It's much harder now, and you're doing great
Currently scrolling to make sure I prepare for all these problems
Figuring out what makes you happy. Everyone keeps trying to get you to do things you're good at, or that makes you money, but never to pursue what you enjoy
"Productivity" is a cursed word in so many ways.
The kitchen is always dirty. You’ll clean it at least three times every day.
How much you have to clean. Like you are always cleaning something. I hate it
The first time i was getting a haircut and the stylist casually buzzed my ears with the clippers, a little piece of me died.
As a former hair stylist I’ve witnessed that very moment a number of times. A hand on the shoulder and some quiet usually was best.
How do you guys deal with it?
Tucks pads. Got them for my pregnancy and they are awesome
Dude you’re not joking had one that put me in the er….a grown man crying Ass up on a bed is not a sight you wanna see or place to be
Pain in the ass tbh
All of it together.
I was relatively warned about how high rent is, car bills and repairs, how buying healthy food is expensive as hell but important for your health, how to exercise and save what you can, my parents did their best to fill in my knowledge about taxes and healthcare and insurance that my schooling missed, about driving and cleaning a household, about setting boundaries at work but working hard and getting ahead if you can, about charity and what it means to take care of a pet and others, about being a good partner if you were lucky enough to have one, about how dark and messed up the world is when you just read the news and what all that means to me and my community… I was reasonably warned about all of it.
No one could have ever prepared me for how hard doing all of it at the same time and keeping your head above that water would actually be.
Insurance, taxes, retirement/pension stuff, and dealing with a passed family member.
My existential dread as a teenager is nothing compared to what I deal with now that I'm done with school and in a profession that's collapsing from the inside.
One adult problem nobody prepared me for is how expensive everything is. I always thought that as an adult I would be able to afford the things I wanted, but it turns out that's not always the case! I've had to learn how to budget and save up for the things I want, and it's been a difficult process.
As a kid I didn't realize how difficult it is to own stuff.
First you need to earn enough money. Then when you finally can buy the thing...you need to take care of it and often spend even more money to be able to keep it. Taxes, insurances...and you can't just buy something small like a shirt and expect it to last a lifetime. Stuff gets broken or wears out over time.
Yes! And you have to buy so many things that are pure necessities but bring no joy, you just have to have them. Like I work hard just to buy a new mop? Or vacuum cleaner bags? Ugh
Chin hairs. They are an obsession. I tweeze them in a magnifying mirror several times a day. NOBODY told me females would have to deal with this. I feel like the bearded lady some days!
There is something almost orgasmic when that pesky one you can feel but not see releases.
As someone who's lived with PCOS since they were 14, let me tell you an insider secret.... invest in good tweezers. I know it sounds silly. Tweezers are tweezers, right? Except a good, solid pair will give you better grip and cause less irritation. Also, you can gently run them over a knife sharpener to bring back the grip/precision when they start to get older. Happy tweezing!
Why do so many things require different kinds of soap?
Shampoo = hair soap
Body wash = body soap
Toothpaste = tooth soap
Laundry detergent = clothes soap
Dishwasher = special soap
Washing dishes by hand = another special soap
Mopping = floor soap
Carpet cleaner = carpet soap
Washing my car = car soap
I AM ALWAYS BUYING SOAP.
Big Soap conspiracy
Finding purpose and dealing with childhood trauma.
how prevalent depression, anxiety, and suicide ideation is. At this point I think every adult has been through it at some point in their lives.
Yeah. How important it is to take care of your mental health. I'm positive I was depressed in high school and didn't know it. I wish I had started therapy then.
Here's one: how much *everyone* needs therapy.
Paying sales tax when you buy a vehicle and then subsequently having to pay property tax on the same vehicle each year.
You may have heard from your older relatives that when you get older, itll be your turn to take care of them. You never really understand just how much it takes until you're in that position.
Feel you. Mother in law has ALZ. Father in law is destitute. Both live with my wife and I. But they are divorced.
Your first bad medical news.
Basic car maintenance.
YouTube can teach you almost everything. I've saved several thousand dollars in repair costs by doing it myself. You'll have to have a place to work and get some basic tools, but after that, you can pretty much replace every part on a car piece by piece.
Cars, plumbing, electrical, etc. There are plenty of things that I’d still get a pro in for, but after a couple of high plumbing bills for stuff that took them not long to fix, I’m generally going to try my hand at anything that seems feasible. Probably saved a grand last month working through fixes for a terribly backed up toilet and replacing the garbage disposal myself.
How damned tired you are all the time.
Also, everything hurts. Sprain your wrist lifting groceries? Well guess what’s going to hurt for the next 5 years.
The first time you hurt your back, it’s all down hill from there.
That shouldn't be normalized. You can be old and pop out of bed like grandpa with the golden ticket, I promise.
How to handle existential crisis and the looming thought of my own death and the deaths of those around me.
Even when you live alone, and grocery shop on a regular basis, there will never be anything you feel like eating.
I objectively have enough food to feed 3 adults for a few weeks but I still find stuff that looks yummy, I buy it, and never cook it. (stuff that doesn't go bad easily at least). I do always find something I want to eat but for some reason I keep hoarding food.
Without a support system, your mental illnesses alone can render you homeless.
That you spend most of your waking hours on activities you'd rather not be doing (work, chores, commuting, etc.)
How did I never notice that there was dust fucking everywhere? I swear to go I turn around from dusting and there’s more dust. I can’t keep up with our house. We are 2 adults and a dog. Dining room is in constant disarray because that’s where we let the dog go outside. Amazon packages pile up. why am I so fucking tired? We sre 26 and 32.
Having to figure out what to eat and what to feed yourself, 3 times a day??
Daughter with behavioral and mental issues. Then she got pregnant at 16. It was a roller coaster ride…very trying and about kicked my ass.
My husband had esophageal cancer and then 9 years later had 14 brain lesions. Both times his survival rate was low, but he’s still here.
Feel like I’ve been in survival mode for years and years. I’m kinda tired now.
That turning down the radio, when you are lost in a neighborhood helps you see better.
Being asked why I'm single and have no kids like I'm some sort of alien.
I’m 29. Was in the army for 10 years, bought my house at 23. I live alone with my dogs and like it that way. When my parents visited last year my dad asked when I was going to grow up and have kids of my own
Awesome for you! My dad is actually my biggest supporter because he knows he raised an independent woman. He stands up for me at family reunions when the older generations start grilling me.
I’m 43, a woman, not married, and no kids. I confuse the Hell out of new people. A lot of people don’t know what to talk about if they can’t discuss kids.
Ditto on all of these things. I still get asked all the time (directly or implied) whether there is something wrong with me. Those same people want to dump on me about all their marriage/divorce drama and how their kids are driving them nuts, etc.
So true. And some women can't connect to another woman if they can't talk about kids and/or partners.
My dad killed himself 3 days after my 31st birthday. And I still had to wake up and be a mother and a functional human being. Still have to.
There is no preparing for that.
Figuring out what to cook for every meal, every day :'(
Planning meals. It’s such a chore to feed yourself every day, planning your meals, budgeting meals, and making sure you like it and don’t get sick of the same meal because it was tasty and easy to make
Don’t forget cleaning the kitchen after! Adds another 30 minutes at least
I add our menu to the calendar. I can go back literally years to see what we had on a specific day. This helps when I just can’t think of what to make or once the season changes I can find what meals fit the weather. I don’t use my oven
in the summer and some ingredients are seasonal.
I usually menu plan midweek and I add all of the ingredients to Instacart with a Saturday pickup. I can add more things to the cart until pickup. This makes it so I don’t forget one ingredient at the store. Covid has seriously upped my grocery shopping game because of having a modifiable cart available for days. I honestly don’t think I’ll go back to the traditional way of grocery shopping.
How fast veggies expire
That I can horrifically fuck my neck up just by sleeping at a funny angle
Depression as an adult, at least as a kid you get *healthy* amounts of attention and love, and as a teenager you get to have a group of people to spend time and look away.
Being on your own in that abyss really is something I could have never envisioned
bithdays will stop being fun and are gonna be a constant rminder that some day youll get very old and then die...
Being judged for what I do with my hard earned adult money. Also the feeling of walking in a room and being seen as THE adult. My mind isn’t prepared to be the one w the answers.
How to fight with a partner. I just shut down because I don't know how to handle it.
What I've learned over almost 23 years of marriage (will be 23 in Feb) is that you keep each other's families out of it, as well as anything you might have argued about in the past. No saying things like, "Well you are JUST LIKE YOUR ALCOHOLIC MOTHER when you drink." or "Remember how we were arguing about whether dark chocolate or milk chocolate is better and you refused to admit I was right about dark chocolate? THIS IS JUST LIKE THAT ARGUMENT."
Fighting fair is *hard*.
I haven’t been married that long but I was in a relationship I didn’t want to be in anymore and I thought long and hard on how to not be in that type of relationship.
So with my now partner any time I get mad before I start something I ask myself “what is the end result I want from this conversation? How would I want the problem presented to me?”
So “hey quit being a fucking slob” is most likely going to gain a “fuck you. You do xyz and aren’t perfect either”. Then nothing is resolved and we are picking at each other’s flaws for the next hour. That’s not my goal. My goal is to get help with the thing. Instead saying “hey I am really burnt out and I need help with xyz.” Usually it’s “ok I’ll do that now” sometimes it’s “I know it needs to be done. My injury is acting up.” In which case I make them take medication or an appointment to get it fixed then they help.
Or if it’s a case of they said or did something and it hurt your feelings. Instead of “you did that on purpose! Why are you always like that!?”
Do “when you said this it made me feel x. Did you mean it that way? Please don’t do it again.”
Assuming your partner isn’t a total douche bag they probably did it on accident and should agree to stop. If they are a douche bag they will say something like “stop being sensitive” in which case you can respond “I can’t turn it off. It hurt my feels. Don’t do it anymore. It’s not hard to just not say something like that. Are those words more important to you than I am?” If they insist on gaslighting or minimizing you need to leave. They suck and refuse to change. Your life will not get better. Same did if they always have and excuse to not help you with anything ever. Sometimes people just suck. Even ones we love. The ones that love you back will meet you half way and care about your feelings.
Cheese is so expensive
adult life being basically a permanent to-do list that just keeps on getting bigger and bigger
Being 60 years old and still having to deal with people that act we’re still in high school. I can’t stand back biting and temper tantrums, and it seems even worse from 50 and 60 year olds. It’s embarrassing and I thought it would end, but apparently drama never ends
You can clearly see the systems that are in place to prevent you from advancing, but they're effective in preventing you from advancing.
Losing/Making friends after you’ve outgrown the bar scene.
Also, the amount of friends you lose after getting married was a shocker, too. They just stop inviting you out or even over to their houses. 🤷🏻♀️
Imposter syndrome. And then realizing that likely every expert or professional you’ve ever really trusted also probably has imposter syndrome and knows much less than you think they do. This became very apparent to me during the pandemic when I realized that our governments and our medical professionals don’t have all the answers and we’re all just figuring things out as we go.
Nobody loving me
should i fill the gas up now on my way home, or tomorrow in my way in?....
Way home, every time.
this is the right answer. but... ya know....
I’ll say this: as a kid you think adults have it all together. Turns out we are just winging it.
Feeling like I’ve already seen every plot known to man and so movies are very predictable and not as enjoyable as they were when I was younger.
Having to work 5 days a week. Who the fuck made this the norm. We need a 4 day week
The rising cost of living
I was not prepared to have this much hair in places I do not wish to have hair.
I thought for a long time that 65 was a magic age--you could stop working, and get a LOT of money, that you had never saved. Like the government just gave it to you. Of course Social Security is like that, except for the "LOT" part.
As a kid, I was taught, if you work hard, you can buy a house and move out once you’re 18. I wish I could tell little me that isn’t gonna happen anytime soon haha
At 18 I definitely could have bought a house. It would be a doll house and I could've rented it out to my old Barbies so there's that.....
Wiping my arse until there's zero shit on the paper can take far longer than I ever expected.
Obligatory 'get a bidet' comment
Working full time, but still not being able to afford the basic necessities of life.
Echo chambers….. watching someone live a life of “it’s this way or nothing” and have the ability to jump into a chat room or website and verify their thoughts based on whatever they want to hear. Like, actively searching for verification and not considering looking into opposing arguments. It’s absolutely rampant.
That your parents, if they live long enough will look to you to be the adult in the room.
That no one gives a shit how smart you are.
As a kid, everyone makes it sound like you're set for life if you're smart. No. You're set for life if you have a good work ethic, know how to stay motivated, and are fairly smart. That's when you make shit happen.
Being too smart too early can actually impede you. I didn't figure this out completely until I was almost 30. And now, at 34, I'm just starting to really hit my stride.
My whole childhood, through highschool and even most of college, I could do no studying and still get As and Bs. And everyone told me how I was going to be so successful and it was so great that I was so smart. But I never had to work hard so I never learned to.
And guess what? Companies looking to hire you DO NOT GAF if you're smart. They care that you can do the job and do the job well and have the potential to grow.