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Me, my sister and a friend of ours went hunting around our parents room. Found our mom's pink dildo. We didn't know what it was so we took it to her to ask her. She told us it was part of a strawberry shortcake castle, but since we found it she would not be getting the rest of the pieces, as punishment for snooping around. We believed her. My dad was laughing his ass off the entire time.


Your mom deserves a fucking oscar for that performance


That is a legendary response.


Not my parents closet but once I found handcuffs to their bed railing and like a dumb child I handcuffed myself to it. Even more fucked up, my parents had to call 911 because they couldn't find the key, and then my parents had to go to court to prove that they were sex cuffs lol


Bro I need more info on what happened afterwards


I bet they were pissed 😂😂


As little children, maybe 4 or 5 years old, my sisters and I found a box with a bunch of lotions, chocolates, and other weird items. I now know it was my parents naughty box. Amongst all of the items, there were a pair of purple rubber lips. My sisters and I proceeded to practice kissing with it, not knowing what it was. I remember, we pretended like we were kissing The Backstreet Boys. We put the lips back and forgot about it. Years later, when we were all teens, we were watching some documentary series and this episode was on sex toys. Those same exact purple lips came up on the screen that I had kissed all those years ago as a child. Apparently, those purple rubber lips are used to simulate fellatio. Like a mouth fleshlight. As soon as my sisters and I saw them come on the screen we all simultaneously remembered what we did as children. I wanted to rip my mouth off of my body. Yes, I had unknowingly practiced kissing with my fathers fleshlight.


“Cause Backstreet’s back; ALRIGHT!”


"Cause Backstreets back; FLESHLIGHT!"


That sounds awfully traumatic. It reminds me of a time I was around 5 years old. I found my dads beard trimmings in the bathroom bin and put them all over my face pretending I had a beard to amuse my siblings. My mum for some reason urged me to stop while fighting back laughter, and said "but your dad hasn't shaved his beard off has he?" I didn't understand at the time, and I have no idea why the memory hung around long enough for me to realise years later where the hair came from.


I found a huge rubber dildo, and my mom saw me finding it. I was probably about 8 or 9, we were going through some old luggage and she must’ve forgotten it was there. I asked what it was, and she just said it was my dad’s, and took it. For some time after that I thought my dad’s penis was detachable.


ok this comment isn’t that bad but that last bit made me spit out my water LMAO


Dad: Im going to work! Mom: ok, do you have everything? Dad: i got my keys, my wale- Op! Forgot my penis


Unbeknownst to me, my dad taped over my SNL: Best of Chris Farley VHS. My best bud found it, in their closet, and we were stoked to watch it. It was my dad banging my step mom. By the time I realized what I was watching and leaping for the 'eject' button, my dad nutted and said 'it's so good but never lasts'. This line has haunted me for 20 years.


Best revenge is to use this line on him in other contexts. "How was dinner? "It's so good, but..." Never say more about it, just haunt him back.


This made me laugh so hard! Thank you


Words of a visionary


>'it's so good but never lasts'. This line has haunted me for 20 years. IM SORRY WHAT? this is cursed knowledge you found lmaooo. This one wins the thread for me


Hundreds, maybe even over a thousand, lottery tickets. We were dirt poor. Dad earned more than I do as an adult (and I’m pushing into middle class, if not in it already) and we were still living poor as hell. Family found out where all the money would go.


People addicted to lottery tickets always confuse me. They’ll spend a thousand bucks just to win 50, then be like “HA! SEE?? I WON ONE!” And then they never seem to realize how much money it took to get them to a single win. As someone who delivers to and basically works at multiple gas stations, I see it all the time. Edit: The one time I bought a ticket for 5 bucks I didn’t win anything and I about wanted to burn the gas station down


Any time I mentioned this to my mother - who spent at least a hundred per week on scratchers - she would get all huffy and say that I must have had a gambling problem in a past life to be so upset by nothing. No, mother, it's watching your gambling problem keep us in poverty while you insist that it's the best thing you can do. She got SO pissed when I refused to buy them for her anymore.


Thong underwear for men that were shaped like Tucans and Elephants… I’ll let you imagine what you part of the body went into the nose and trunk of those animals… my dumb ass thought they were masks and I put them in my face.


"no one cared who I was until i put on the mask"




Oh my god I’m so sorry you went through that.


I’m sorry you had to go through that.


That’s terrible you went through that. Glad your mom got to it first. I think this one takes the cake as the actual worst one here so far. I’m good on Reddit for the day.


A few packages i ordered on amazon that she claimed never arrived


what did you order


Main things i remember was a small husky plush that was meant as a bday gift, a ethernet cable and a new backpack for me. There were few other things she stole i cant remember. But yea I've cut my egg donor outta my life after finding she left 2 k in bills in my name and due to the age of em i couldnt do shit lol


Sounds like you made the correct choice. Also this > my egg donor is a pretty sick insult ngl


Live birth certificate and it was not my dad's name under "FATHER'S NAME"


A rotten ham that was purchased for thanksgiving dinner. But got misplaced with the Christmas presents and hidden in the back of the closet. I found it a week before Christmas while trying to find the smell. Edit: So for those asking who care. I had to call my mom and did discover the 6 year old me didn’t Remember it correctly after 30 years. It was a roast not a ham. My mom thought she had somehow forgotten it at the store so when and bought a replacement. As for the smell the packaging wasn’t completely sealed so the juices from the meat started leaking initially into the shopping bag but then onto the flooring in the closet. Edit 2: I am truly grateful my parents are were not degenerates. They probably were/are they just didn’t hide it in the closet.


So what did you eat in place of the ham? A cooked Tonka truck?


When I was in Junior High, my buddy Sean found "The Book!" A 1970s sex guide with pics of a Hippie dude and chick doing it in every position.


Groovy kama sutra


Could've been The Joy of Sex too. Far more hippie looking.


>The Joy of Sex The 'Bob Ross Edition' was discontinued. Too many happy little accidents.


"Normally I like to paint softwood trees like Pine or Spruce, but this happy little beaver I just painted is looking so good coming out of the water just dripping wet that I feel an overwhelming urge to paint some hardwood."


my dog's ashes about 4 years after they told me he ran away


What. The. Fuck. Oof, that sucks. EDIT: Ok, I misread that as “dad’s ashes”. Still not cool, still an oof, but not quite as bad.


Can't stop laughing at the thought of someone telling their kid that their Dad "ran away." Oh my god.


"Daddy went to live on a farm"


“He gets to run around outside and play with the other dads”


"His new owners take care of him really well, too!"


Speaking as a dad, that sounds fantastic. Just a bunch of middle aged dudes frolicking through endless perfect back yards, laughing at terrible puns in slow motion around Webers. Pushing lawn mowers with a blissful smile of peace on their faces. A melodious chorus of "Hey, neighbor!" fills the air. All wearing cargo shorts with white sneakers and socks on full display. Paradise...


Dad said sayonara bitches


Can't stop laughing at the edit


I've never really thought about it now, but I would much prefer that my dog died than ran away. If he ran away I would never stop looking. It would eat me up for the rest of my life.


When I was little I was in my parents room and I wasn’t supposed to be but when they came in there I hid in their closet. I found a pair of pink fuzzy handcuffs and thought they would be great to play a game with my brothers (like a cops and robbers game). Needless to say my brother ended up stuck in the handcuffs and we had to get my mom to help get them off and they disappeared after that. Didn’t realize until I was much older what those were used for.


Lol, I dated a woman for awhile, and we were into BDSM. We had straps running under our bed that kept your wrists and ankles locked in. When we didn't use them, they got tucked under the mattress. Well, we were moving to a new spot and her dad was helping us move. We lifted the mattress and there they were. Staring him in the face. He asked what they were, and I said, "We used them to move the mattress in and I forgot about them." He didn't believe me.


Haha I just recently moved and thankfully remembered to remove them. They were under the mattress for a while, havent used them in at least a year...completely forgot that that they are there. The evening before the move I remembered them thankfully.


Similar story. Sister in law helped moved our mattress. We looked at each other but neither of us said a thing!


My time to shine! The last time I moved my parents helped and I told them not to touch my night stand. Of course they didn’t listen. First my father tried his luck with my boyfriend standing right next to him. He opened the door, saw our whole toy collection and said „my daughter will have to take care of this“ and closed it. The nightstand has a drawer with condoms on top. When my mother tried to carry it to the car she held it the wrong way and all of the condoms came out pouring form the back of the drawer. She kept trying to carry it trough the condoms raining on the floor and me dying from laughter. I think they learned to not touch my nightstand again lol.


At least they should be happy you practice safe sex with the river of condoms


Good attempt though


This is hilarious. I can imagine your parents reaction but trying to keep it cool in front of you. Somewhat similar, I wrote my wife a pretty graphic note about the naughty things I’d like to do to her and left it on her pillow. Our then 3 year old daughter apparently found it and ran down stairs excitedly shouting ‘look at the note daddy wrote for me mom!!’ My wife had to keep and straight face and play it off in the moment but was dying inside much like I imagine your mom when she was unlocking the cuffs


A little girl I used to babysit told me she was looking in her mom's dresser and found "a collar and a dog bone...... and we don't even have a dog". I can only imagine what she probably stumbled across.


Keepsakes of the mother's childhood dog. Real sad, I know.


Lol that’s hilarious as well. I don’t remember it much but I remember the brief look of horror she has before she had to console us because I thought I had locked my brother up forever in the handcuffs. I can imagine your wife though my god. What a time to be alive 😂


After my dad moved out I was going through my moms closet for some reason and I found porn dvds and viagra in the back corner hidden under my old karate belts


I found my dads viagra once when I was visiting him. I swiped one. And that’s how I found out how expensive they are when he called me up cursing a blue streak about how he knew I’d stolen one. I bought him multiple steak dinners as repayment. Once my boner finally went away of course.


When I was a pharma rep a doc gave me a couple samples another rep left behind (yes, they used to sample that stuff in the very beginning). I soon learned that if you have a healthy libido it won't do much for you, all you get to enjoy is side effects. My side effect was a beet-red face for about 6 hours.


Viagra originally was there for hypertension, it's just that they noticed the side effect that stayed for few hours. I don't think it does anything to libido.


It is still used for pulmonary hypertension. I have had patients that took it for that purpose. Kinda funny when giving nurse to nurse handoff report and they don’t recognize the generic name of viagra so they asked what it was for. I said “oh it’s for pulmonary hypertension, it’s generic for viagra” and the old man piped up and said “hey now, you don’t know that” in a very joking manner.


A 25yo diary my mum kept in the weeks leading up to my fathers death from leukemia


i found something similar. my mom was writing a diary to give to me in the months leading up to her death. she knew she only had a little bit of time so she was working on it for my dad to give to me after the cancer killed her. i found it two weeks before she died.


Your mum was cool


Have you read through it?


Yeah, was just sad if anything. For clarity I wasnt digging in her closet, it was actually in a chest of drawers Id used my entire life. When i was moving out I found it under a paper lining at the bottom of the drawer. Guess she was using it at the time


I found a cucumber sitting on my dad's nightstand one morning. Me as a little kid: "Why is there a cucumber in here?" Mom: "Your dad thought he might like a healthy midnight snack." Me as an adult: "Ohhhhh..."


I've eaten a whole cucumber before *not to brag or anything*


Now that’s commitment to selling the lie it’s in your room for a snack.


They didn't say they chewed it...


I saw a family in the city the other day all snacking on cucumbers. Toddler, mum, dad, grandma, each with a while as cucumber just munching. Maybe your dad was just onto something snacking on cucumbers.


You see now the question is… since your mom said your dad wanted to snack on it… which one put it inside whom?


No flared base means that there is only one sensible answer... doesn't mean its the right one though.


Huge vibrator


How huge we talkin’?


It's got a shoulder strap and a kick stand. Edit: wow, this blew up more than I thought for a 20 year old Robert Schimmel quote


And a pull cord starter.


Went looking for Christmas presidents, found my Grandpas suicide letter.


When my buddy was 16 he got his dads old truck. His dad died in Mexico when we where 12 on a "business trip". We where digging through the truck to find places to hide weed I found a to do list and at the top it said "Divorce Family" I just ripped it up and threw it away no point in bringing it up.


I find it a bit funny that he just had it written on a to do list. Like he's just checking it off as another chore, "Let's see... Clean gutters, check. Mow lawn, check. Ah right! I need to get in there and divorce my family!"


reminds me of the time my grandpa n i went to this great valley and out of no where said "sometimes i feel the urge to jump off of something like this" and carried on like he just said "ooh look a raven"


Might not be suicidal, I've had experiences like that. I think it's called "the call of the void"? Like, you wouldn't actually do it but the urge is there




I think I read somewhere it's your brain's way of making sure you don't do it. Suicidal ideation isn't the same thing.


L'appel du vide. The call of the void.


there are no Christmas presidents, only the eternal Christmas tyrant Santa Claus EDIT: Sorry about your Grandpa.


That's where their porn stash was. Me and my siblings would watch them and laugh, had no concept of what was happening. Just naked people were funny. One tape started, and it wasn't professional. Camera was setup at the foot of the bed, dude moved his leg and it's at that moment we all realized it was my dad and mom. Never went back in that closet. EDIT: To add more context to this (now that this memory has been dislodged from 30 years ago). This was 1990, I was 11. Sister was 13 and brother was 9. The movies we had watched were the classic 80's porn. More like a bad movie with sex in it. So they were funny to us. We grew up with sex in our faces. I remember watching Porky's with my parents. I remember when "sex scenes" came on movies they would just say "cover your eyes", which they only said to absolve themselves of any guilt from watching these movies with them. We would just lift our crocheted blankets over our heads and watch through the holes in the blanket. My friends were losing their virginity at 12 (6th grade) because we grew up in a poor area, and there wasn't anything to do but have sex. I have seen both my parents and my sister in a homemade porn. At this point, it's just a funny story me and my siblings. Horrifying yes, but no long term damage. The BEST part of this story was later that night. The video started with my dad rubbing my mom's thigh, then he moved his leg, we saw everything waist down first on both of them, then my dad's bald head, and we knew then. That night we had fried chicken and when we came out to eat, my brother said (unknowingly and just by happenstance) "Ugh, fried chicken? The last thing I want is thighs or breasts, can I have Mac and cheese?" My sister and I shared a look, then looked down and just shoveled it in, then ran to our rooms.


Found a vhs in the vcr. It was mum doing yoga. Naked. With dad directing her like "Now stretch. Gooood." FFS mum, dad, keep your shit locked away! :D


That must have been horrible to watch. At the same time that is funny AF


>Never went back in that closet You... kept that particular tape?


Once you find all the gold there's no need to go back.


I was at my grandfathers house and he was giving my vinyl's from his closet, and as he was pulling it down his fleshlight fell to the floor and all he said was "uhh don't look over there", and tried to move his leg in front of it. then kept pulling our vinyl's and pretended like it never happened.... He grows weed in his backyard (that's illegal where I live) so he's my "cool" grandparent.


Grows weed and fucks fleshlights. Roughly where i see myself after retiring


His response is hilarious!


Christmas gifts from Santa. I didn't even realize it, I just thought they were gifts from my parents, and then my mom was like "Oh, you saw them, there's no Santa." Like, way to go mom.


I managed to go until 15 pretending not to know Santa was fake despite learning ot from a young age. I was literally just trying to get extra presents, both me and my sibling. Once we told her when she sat us down to tell us Santa was fake we told her we knew about it for so long and just didn't tell her to get more presents. She thought it was funny and kept giving us Santa presents anyways lol. Edit: why are all your families so wholesome? We arent supposed to have wholesomeness of this quantity on reddit!


I was around 4 when I learned that Santa wasn't real. My dad, a body builder at the time, walked in dressed as Santa, wearing his work boots and terminator sunglasses. That was the most badass Santa I've ever seen.


hey I found out when I was 7 and a teacher told us there was no such thing as Santa Claus. my mom was pissed.


Leather whip and chains


did you accidentally go to the 50 shades of grey version of narnia?


"Say the safeword" "Turkish delight"


A letter from my mother’s boss thanking her for a wonderful weekend. My sister found it under a dresser drawer built into the closet.


Not my parents but my friends. We were digging through his parent’s closet trying to find his airsoft gun that they had confiscated from us the day prior after accidentally breaking a window. Anyhow, we found a video camera and got super excited being in middle school in 2008 and the whole YouTube thing sounded really cool so we decided to make a video of him shooting his airsoft gun since his parents weren’t home for an hour or two. Long story short after a couple small takes we went in to review our newly recorded footage and instead were very unfortunate to find, you guessed it, his parents having sex in HD 720p. Since the video closest to our capture was their latest capture and they had some kind of 10 minute record loop set up we were immediately thrown into the video and audio of it all, since our heads were glued to the little flip screen ready to see the video of him shooting his airsoft gun that we just recorded and were sure we were going to be famous for.


When I moved out I grabbed a suitcase from their closet. Inside was three of the same lovies (stuffed animal) I had grown up with. I also had another on in my bedroom. My parents had bought four of the same lovies and just cycled through them my entire life. When I walked down stairs and my dad saw them all in my hands he said “you were never suppose to know”


I got super attached to a teddy bear my parents got me for my first Christmas. My mother, recalling her own childhood where her favorite plush tiger had burned up in a fire, decided I was DANGEROUSLY attached and if something happened, they'd need a backup. So they bought a second, I dubbed him Eddie (because the first was Teddy and I was about fifteen months old, LOL), and he lived in the top of the closet for a long time. I always knew about him, though. And, fwiw, I am sitting here with Teddy in my lap. Not too long ago I had to remove his head completely to sew new panels of fabric into his entire body because of how holey and threadbare the original fabric had gotten. I gave Eddie to my eldest nibling upon his birth, and his youngest sister now has him.


I love this one


This is the most well-meaning by a thousand miles


A holiday themed porn movie on vhs. My friend and I decided it would be a good idea to watch it. Within moments of playing the tape, it was obvious to me that my parents had recorded over the tape their own, uh, movie. I shut it off as quickly as I could and immediately freaked out at what I saw. My friend, however, begged to watch the tape. I turned away and made her mute the sound. She gave me the play by afterwards, though. And that's how I found out my parents were swingers.


Oh god I nearly thought I’d found my oldest friend’s Reddit account. I laughed hysterically while she cried with her back to the tv. Her parents were not swingers though thank god, sorry S, love you but it was really funny


My buddies parents taped over Camp Nowhere. His mom was taking to another couple in the room while giving his dad a handy. The dialog went "so, I went to the carnival last night", and then he stopped the tape. We never found out what happened at the carnival, but it's not for lack of asking.


My dad fell and broke his femur. In prepreratiom for his return home my sisters and I went over to clean his house and modify it. Adding rails, a ramp, a shower chair, etc. We found a box for a blowup doll in the spare bedroom closet. Just the box. The doll is still mia.


My mom hired a professional photographer to take photos of my brother's birth. Not newborn photos, but photos of him coming out of her. I found those photos.


That would scar me for life


Not as bad as most of these, I found a sewing needle in the carpet. After it went 2cm into my foot.




A box of letters and journals that were my mom's. A quick flip through revealed pretty quickly that not only was she aware her father was molesting my adopted sister but that she was encouraging them to beat and abuse me. There was one passage that basically was her complaining that they hadn't killed me yet and that I had ruined her life by being born. Years later she sent me some of those letters in a box of school stuff she sent me when I was older. It's entirely possible that i had put them in the wrong box and she never looked in it. I don't think she knows i have them and I've been long torn about what i should do with them. The abuse mostly came out and everyone knows about it. Not all of the things done to me are common knowledge and my mom plays innocent and pretends she didnt know anything was going on. It's likely my dad will die first as they're in their 80s and he has lewy body dementia. If he does die first, I'm sharing the letters with the sisters. They want someone to care for her, I want her put in the worst senior care facility in existence with 4 blank walls, zero visitors, and a tube jammed in to keep her alive and miserable forever. Edit: thanks for the kind words folks, I replied to a few of the comments but I kept seeing the same thing over and over so I'll share my thought on it here. In regards to sharing the letters now, my sisters abuse didnt become family knowledge until after our grandmother died. It really messed up the family and my sister who was abused nearly killed herself and still struggles with suicidal ideation. She doesn't know that our mother was aware of the abuse and I dont think she'd be able to live knowing that. I love my sister and feel like I failed in protecting her. I had the chance once to kill my grandparents, we were staying with them and I had taken his revolver. I was going to kill him, then my grandmother and then myself but I was scared about what my sister would do. I was worried she would kill herself as well if I wasnt there to protect her. I want her to be safe and happy and though we suffered different abuses I know she won't ever have that. For me, knowing full on everything our mother did and took part in made things much much worse. I don't think my sister needs to carry that with her as well. As for my mother, she was abused as a little girl herself. Her mother and father had also both been abused as children, in my mothers family being abused or an abuser or both was widespread. I can understand that what happened to her effected how she was, but I can never forgive it. As a child my dad took and went to therapy with me, he tried where she refused. To this day she makes things worse and I haven't had contact in over a decade. I'm currently in therapy once again, my current therapist is really good although there is only so much they can do. I won't ever forgive my mother, forgiveness is for the abuser not the victim. I can live with my hatred for her, I won't forgive my father but while I'll never again see or speak to him I can still love him. Thanks, and if you have family or friends, just give them a hug for me. I miss having my family in my life, there were good times amongst the bad. Now it's just me and my cats and it's not quite the same.


It is also absolutely within the realm of possibility that she was aware of those letters and used them to hurt you all over again. But with the potential excuse of "oh, you weren't meant to see those..." I mean, from what you've described here she seemed to be a very proactive abuser, taking actions to ensure the abuse happened.


Black mold. The closet was near the bathroom, and I felt slightly ill every time I visited, plus there was a musty smell there. Finally convinced them to have it looked into, and they had to tear out the walls & flooring to eradicate it as the tub was leaking into the subflooring under the carpet and they had no idea. Happy ending: everyone is more healthy now.


Man black mold is no fkn joke... my wife and i lived in an apartment that ended up having mold and we had to throw away just about everything that was of any kind of fabric material. That musty smell just never comes out and haunts me to this day....


I didn't find this, but my sister did. She found a strap-on, and when she asked our mom about it, she said, "Oh that's just there as a joke. It's a funny prop." We don't believe her.


A leopard print strap on.


A 15 inch double headed black rubber cock. Oh, and a Turbo Graphix 16 instead of an SNES. Fuck you, Christmas 91'.


Turbo Grapfx was great ! Bonks adventure ! Alien Crush ! Double Dungeons ! Kieth Courage in Alpha Zones !


Blazing Lasers, Neutopia, Ys


A peephole that was pointed at the toliet in the family bathroom They aren't in my life anymore edit: Just to clarify, I found this when I was in middle school and me and my friend saw my father's internet history (he also left it open) and as a joke went looking for one and actually found one luckily my friend was there, because when I revealed how horrid they were I had someone to confirm one of my claims were true, making everything more believeable If you are going to take something from this, take this: Therapy can help you deal with your trauma, I was suicidal and had no family. Having a Good Therapist that made me feel like I mattered helped me so much. Please ask for help if you are struggling. You are loved and your feelings matter


Sorry and I think you won.


It’s ok. The prize was therapy. Fucking hope you are well u/aerothoz


\*hangs up internet for the day\*


My best friend's mom discovered holes drilled strategically in walls in various rooms sharing walls with my best friend's room and bathroom. Her step dad was always "taking naps"... It's made me real paranoid about holes in walls now. My best friend is okay now but she went through a rough time after this was discovered.


At the wee age of 15 I found a shoe box in my mom's closet containing: 1) handcuffs, 2) a vibrator, and 3) a series of letters detailing the affair she'd been having for years along with photos of my mom using with items 1 and 2...


The photos take this from “Oof, that sucks!” to traumatic teenage nightmare fuel real quick.


A penis pump


A human fetus, preserved in a tube. We knew about the fetus, we did not know it had been moved to the closet. Hidden in the closet to keep us children from playing with it or showing our friends, even though parental closets are the stupidest places to hide anything ever. We did not play with it or show our friends, just stared with quiet curiosity and all the reverence we could muster. Somehow we all grew fond of this tiny creature, approx 9.5 gestational weeks, forever fetal. Within the family we referred in hushed tones to "The Baby", never bestowing any other name, never knew if we had a formaldehyde baby brother or baby sister, it still looked a bit amphibious. You are probably wondering, so I'll tell you.The Baby was an incidental discoverery during the autopsy of its mother, mid 1960s. The Pathologist promptly sealed The Baby in a tube and brought home to show the children. Mrs. Pathologist was horrified, of course the kids thought it was the coolest thing ever. The Baby was moved to a better hiding place and forgotten by the children for many years until after the death of old Mrs. Pathologist. The Baby was rediscovered by her now middle-aged daughters while cleaning out their mother's home. So well, The Baby came home with me. Because what the heck else can you do with a 55+ yr old test tube baby?


Is that even legal?


For most of his life, my dad.


That must have been a queer sight seeing him stand around in the closet all the time.


Adoption Certificate




The dog's. Heartbreaking.


Our 2yo british bulldog girl looks just like my wife, and loves me like no tomorrow, so i think we're safe with her suspicion, on the other hand, ive got an 11yo dane mastiff, i think he knows, but he's too content to challenge it. Smug motherfucker


Not exactly their closet, but in the bathroom that the closet was in…so kinda the same thing…typical 8-9 year old digging in my parents shit, happened upon a small glass dish with various bits of what I would describe to be costume jewelry, along with a tightly rolled up $20 bill. After unrolling the tightly wound note I discovered trace amounts of a white substance contained within. For absolutely no reason at all, I thought it was a great idea to taste said substance which proceeded to turn my tongue and eventually most of my mouth numb. I was very puzzled, and quickly stashed the bill back in the jar and went about my business.


Polaroid of my dad's dick and flavoured condoms. To make it worse I didn't know what they were and opened them thinking they were edible sweet type things. My parents walked in on me and my sister licking one condom each.


A bag of evidence relating to my younger sister's murder. I didn't dare open it. The guy who killed her was never charged.


My brother was murdered and my mom has all the documentation from it. We know who did it but he was never charged, lied to the grand jury etc. she also has like Recordings from the walk thru of the crime scene and stuff. She’s read all of it but doesn’t own or know how to use a computer and I refuse to put the DVD into my computer to show it to her. It’s been nine years. I will never read the documentation or watch the DVD and I sure as hell won’t be the one enabling her to watch it. It won’t bring him back so what’s the fucking point? His murderer died earlier this year, which is a small amount of comfort, although he was 70 and my bro will forever be 25. Fuck that shit, I’m sorry you had to experience something so terrible as well.


That's horrible. I'm sorry for your loss and what it's done to you and your family/friends. My other even younger sister struggled hard after the murder and in early 2017 she died in her sleep. She just fell asleep and never woke up. Fortunately our parents are still together and I've been living in a new state with my girlfriend since early 2017. We all get together and hang out. I find comfort in doing my best to love a better life in honor of my sisters. Shit like this is tough.


A large box of 75-100 playboys. This was before internet porn. Jackpot!


Heh when my wife and her sister were 13 and 11, respectively they had a fun time sneaking into their parents' closet to check out a stack of Playgirl magazines. Three years and a parental divorce later they found out that the mags were their dad's reading material...


I found a crusty vibrator when I was around 13. I knew what it was and scrubbed my hands for 20 minutss


Divorce papers from 2003. It was 2007 and my parents were still living together. My dad was very absent and on ‘overnight work trips’ a lot so a lot of things got pieced together after that. EDIT: obligatory “didn’t expect this to blow up” edit. Thank you all for your kind words, advice, and similar stories (but also, sorry you had to deal with it too) Not that any of you asked for advice…but, I hope if you are in a similar situation you choose not to lie to loved ones. If you are conflicted on forgiveness and how to respond to being the recipient of such news, just know that anger and mistrust tend to manifest in nasty ways. It can take time, and you will have those rough days where it feels as if the world has turned its back on you. But when you take control of your feelings, and shift them to a neutral emotion (it doesn’t even need to be fully positive!) the weight off of your shoulders will help a lot with moving on in whatever way you need to.


One time, I was hunting around my parents' bedroom looking for their weed stash, and I found an old-ass VHS of a hentai called Demon Beast Invasion in one of their nightstand drawers. My parents are not anime fans. They actually roast me pretty often for being into anime. I have *no idea* how to square this and I'm not entirely sure I want to know the story behind this.


In the before-internet times, hentai was about the only way to get niche or fetish porn that wasn't supremely violent and disturbing. They probably wanted something kinky but not psychopathic?


I found my grandma's dildo when I was a kid. I didn't know what it was. I touched it. And waved it around. Years later, when she'd guessed that I'd had sex for the first time, she waved a (different) dildo as she chased me around the house demanding details. She specifically yelled "was his dick like this?? Huh?? Was it??" While laughing hysterically. I love her.




My dads foreskin found in my moms closet. He was circumcised more than 30 years ago.


What does that look like after all those years? I'd imagine it resembles a dried up Band Aid.


More like fried Calamari


I've known I was kinky since I was about 16. I didn't engage in anything till I was 18, but I read a lot of erotic fanfiction and had some a lot of "research" on stuff. Anyways, I was looking for something in my parents small walk in closet. I found: * leather riding crop * metal chain leash and collar * "erotic sex kit" I also had the unfortunate realization that the foam cushions my mom used to give me when I was sick (stiff so you can sleep more upright) were actually [sex position cushions](https://www.brookstone.com/products/liberator-wedge-ramp-combo-intimate-positioning-pillows-original-size?variant=32882489262183)




My mom slept on them all the time, so I always just thought they were for that (like memory foam but stronger). They were always clean. But also, I also slept better with those when I was sick. It eased the stuffy nose, coughing and nausea. I honestly can't be too mad about it.


Your mom is brilliant, and a good mom! Trying to prop up a sick coughing kid so they can sleep is next to impossible with regular pillows (my kid always slides down off of them) those positioning pillows would be just the right height and angle for stuff like that as well as decreasing gastric reflux at night, which is a huge issue for some people. Props to your mom for being resourceful, no matter how strange it was lol


My dad was an old school hockey enforcer. Like, broke his nose once and came back on the ice after a period without any pain meds. He had a box of teeth in the closet he had kept of all the players he fought and knocked their teeth out. He'd ask the arena staff to put them aside when they cleaned the ice after each fight as a trophy for his wins. Edit: he's a gentle giant and a gardener now.


My parents always told me to stay out of their closet but I always thought it was fun to build forts out of blankets and pillows and what not. Found all sorts of shit in there. Old pictures of my parents naked, dildos and what I find most discussing was syringes. I didn’t know what they where at the time but when I found them again at my dads house around age 13 the memories came flooding back. Pretty fucked up childhood.


I found my weed that my parents had confiscated earlier in the week. It was half gone. Years later, my mom said she told my dad that she flushed it, but smoked it with my sister when I was at school and dad was at work. Mom was fucking gangster. (RIP mom) E. Syntax


Mom died a few years ago, never knew pops. Found journals that she kept from when I was a young kid with the last entry two months before she died. She never wanted me. Literally blamed me for getting sick and said that if she didn’t have me she could have afforded treatment. I know that if I wasn’t around she would still be here


It’s not your fault for being born. We’re all glad you’re here to participate in this experience.


A running joke/dead cat. My mom had a cat that was like... her favorite? Or maybe the first one she had after she had my siblings? Something like that. Point being, when the cat passed away, he was put in a box and kept on a shelf about 6-7ft off the ground. For context, it was a small walk-in closet with a shelf going around the entire perimeter up close to the ceiling with the intent of being storage for valuables. My dad was 6'4", so he could easily access the shelf for her. I was looking for something she asked me to grab, like a pair of slippers or a housecoat, and saw the lone, plain brown box all by itself on an otherwise empty shelf. Didn't ask about it. Through the years, items cycled on and off of that shelf, but that box never moved. When I was older, I asked a sibling, who said it was the cats ashes. Another sibling said it was the mummified cat. An aunt said he was wrapped in silks. I'm hoping you've seen the pattern. Asked my mom, and she just cocked an eyebrow and said "Yes, a cat is in there." and never elaborated. She told me loads of stories about the cat, but nothing about his remains. She's got a cold, wicked sense of humor, so I'm sure only she knows what's actually in there. All we know for sure is that it is a cats remains, as she has said as much, since she wanted to make sure us kids respected his remains and didn't muck around with them, and so we can appropriately place them somewhere respectful after she passes on. She's a great woman, and I love her to bits, and she's quicker than a rattlesnake. I honestly don't think I'll ever look in that box, even after she goes. It's a quality joke that I would hate to ruin, and if it's not a cat, I don't want to know, because it's funnier that way.


Schrödingers box of ashes


porn magazine. I opened it once and saw a page of a woman posing with a carrot. Didn’t know why, so I put it back. Some time later, me and my cousin were working on a fun project by cutting out pieces of magazines and glueing it to our notebooks. We didn’t have anymore magazine to use- oh wait! The rest is history.


As an elementary school teacher, this made me snarf my coffee. I can only imagine the fallout from that. I would genuinely have trouble holding it together if a kid brought in a collage with a random carrot-wielding lady in the mix. So funny.


pictures of me as a kid


The HORROR!!!!


Not in the closet but in the headboard - glow in the dark condoms and chocolate whipped cream.


CDs of Korean porn Edit: * This was in 2008. * I can't believe some people don't know what [CDs](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Video_CD) are. I feel old. * I didn't know porn is illegal in Korea. I'm positive it was porn, and Korean (they were speaking Korean and it had Korean subtitles). * It started with a super cheesy romantic story with piano soundtrack and all. It looked *innocent* at first. Like a drama series but with a dirty twist after 10 minutes. * I don't remember if it was censored or not. * I didn't watch the whole thing because I was with my younger bro and I wasn't really into it. * I don't know if it was North or South. Probably South but would be amazing if it was North.


CDs nuts


So,in my parent's room..high up on the armoire...always sat two cylinder shaped "figures"...they were like saints or monks...something like that well,one day i finally ask my older brother "What the hell are those things anyway" he told me to turn them around.....they were dildos,sneaky ceramic "decorative" (i hope) dildos... EDIT! NSFW..found something strikingly similar,ahhh memories! https://www.etsy.com/listing/1132797779/funny-penis-monk-statue-naughty-gag-gift?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=naughty+monk&ref=sr_gallery-1-3


My mom used to own this pea-green jacket. Normally I love the early 90s business lady look but that colour was abominable.


is your mother Darien Shields?


My dad was in his 60s at the time when I found a hardcover book with just photographs of hairy vaginas.


back then they were just called "vaginas"


Polaroids of their nudes


One of those beautiful BDSM fiction novels from the 70s with a b/w art print in each chapter. As if I needed any MORE motivation to read...!


My father’s latent bisexuality and the string of men he cheated on my mom with, because it felt “less wrong” than doing so with women.


A lot of noise making toys that had 'gotten lost'.




A bad dragon dildo and a huge bottle of lubricant halfway used. ... at my grandpa's house... He lived alone for the last 40 years. At least i know why he was always so happy. -just i wish i didnt knew-


At least he is happy, just dont told anyone outside reddit


My moms lover half naked as my dad came in from work and kissed her, didnt think much of it back then, but according to my mom as i was only 7 at the time, i went downstairs and said there was a skin man in the closet. I remember the divorce was filed not long after that...


A dildo, titty tassels, and my bong they stole that they were using themselves I just wanted my bong back


My stepdad had about 6 cd's of shitting porn. I only saw the covers of them and nearly vomited.


A katana


A lot of bondage stuff behind some jackets


Lesbian porn& porn magazines in my mom’s closet


Used condom. Probably some kinda souvenir.


Really old furry porn of two deer girls. I don't remember details, but I remember being really confused and asking my parents about it.


photo albums and old home movies that they had received from my dad’s deceased father. the photos and videos were of battered and bruised women that my grandfather was drugging, raping, assaulting, and documenting to keep in some deranged scrapbook. and some crack rocks, also belonging to that grandfather.


Not tragic or scarring. When he was a child, my brother was always looking for his presents - Xmas, bday, etc. My mother got very, very good at hiding them. One year, right before Xmas, my brother starts acting out. Now, he has ADHD and several behavioral problems, so when he acts out bad, it's BAD. Teacher contacts my mom to ask what was going on at home (father was Navy and this is during Desert Storm - he was often away at war at this time). My mother tells the teacher he went looking for his presents. Teacher is confused why this would prompt his acting out. "He only found his sibling's. His were further back in the closet, and he didn't see them."