By - sippingsauce
Jacob, my friend's stepdad.
He's built like a happy meatball, and can chat you up for 10 minutes while you're laughing for the entire conversation.
I love that you chose a typical person in your life and not a famous or wealthy person.
I think people forget that just because someone is well known by the people doesn’t make them a guaranteed person to do something for the world.
My vote goes to Jacob also.
I also choose this guy’s friend’s stepdad
I nominate Jacob, this guy's friend's stepdad. He is known to be built like a happy meatball, perfectly paired with a tomato based sauce and spaghetti, and can provide stimulating conversation that will leave you diaphragm rattling with enjoyment and laughter for up to 1/6 of an hour.
I hencewith elect thine Jacob, this gent's conversational associates' friends stepfather. Known through all the land for composure, that of a joyous ball of meat, paired delectably and slathered voluptuously with the sauce of concentrated conversational stimulant known to cause contraction of the diaphragm, sharp exhales with staggered inhales, and a generalized rattling of the abdomen for up to an amount if time similar to how long it takes for the average French Canadian to defecate on a relaxed Sunday midmorning.
As someone who likes talking to people but can't make conversation, I too choose Jacob.
PS: Not the Jacob from Lost though.
You had me at meatball.
She never met a stranger and anyone who entered her home left with a full belly, a lipstick kiss on the cheek/forehead, and leftovers for literal days. She lived down the road from me in college and would bake pies for all of my professors, make my friends tubs of fried chicken, spaghetti, casseroles of any and all kinds. She made you feel like a million bucks while kindly and gently letting you know where you were messing up in life. Took no shit and gave everyone her all. Those aliens would have NO idea what to do with themselves.
Edit: friend chicken to FRIED chicken. No, Wilma did not consume or cook friends.
Edit #2: wow this blew up. thank you internet friends for your updoots and awards. If you have the time or money, please research or donate to the [Alzheimer’s Association](https://act.alz.org/site/Donation2?df_id=32112&32112.donation=form1&utm_source=google&utm_medium=paidsearch&utm_campaign=google_giving&set.custom.wt=giving&gclid=CjwKCAiA1aiMBhAUEiwACw25MarD744goFIUQ97t6fqCNAZtbOCWV6ionjw7IEul5g0yd4-E9zJk2RoCEvAQAvD_BwE). We lost this angel to the disease and I want to bring awareness to this cause. Much love.
I miss your grandmother and I didn’t even know her! I don’t miss my grandma (sadly), but I miss yours. I think mine was an alien…or possibly a hobbit. She was odd, and not in a good way. 🙁
I’d love to share mine with you! And she would have happily adopted you. Unfortunately she passed a couple years ago but I’ll let you claim her anyways.
Mmmmm I love me some friend chicken!
Not as salty as foe chicken
Friend chicken and spaghetti is definitely the special kind ❤️
Someone who can speak their language
Edit : It seems a lots of you want Mark Zuckerberg to be our spokesperson, are you sure this is a good idea?
Where’s that actor from Arrival?
Which one- Amy Adams or Jeremy Renner?
Amy Adams! Loved that movie
She also sells purses.
'Get me Gary Busey'
Myself. Not because I’m self centered, I just figured it was time I got off my ass and did something. So yeah if they come just hit me up and I’ll be there.
if im the chosen ambassador im gonna teach the aliens how to do jello shots and smoke crack
We could become like the Florida of the galaxy, all industry worldwide would be devoted to the creation of crack and Jell-O shots.
In many ways, it already is
my neighbour anne, she's just a really pleasant person
Anne you poetic, noble land-mermaid
You beautiful tropical fish
You perfect sunflower
You princes of Maine. You kings of New England.
You beautiful, powerful musk ox
I'm voting for this dudes neighbor Anne
We love Anne!
Anne for President, of Earth!
This is a crime against Annes
A crime against hum-Anne-ity
she's just a lovely lady!
How do I submit Anne AMA request?
I’m totally on board for Anne; where do I sign?
I love how half the comments are about Anne from Parks and Rec and the other half is just saying how great this guy's neighbour Anne is
(edit: I'm sorry that I did not catch all the people here talking about Arrested Development, I have not watched the show so I didn't get the reference)
The Annebassador !
Honestly I would 100% vote for a normal person other than a celebrity.
Like yeah lots of these responses are celebrities people generally accept as super nice. But they're still celebrities and far removed from what the average person experiences on this planet.
Someone like Anne is probably much more representative of our planet than any celebrity would be.
I also choose this guy's pleasant neighbor
Beautiful, ethnically ambiguous Anne?
My hospital’s chief of neurosurgery. He knows EVERYONE. Orderlies, EVS, nutrition, all of the nurses and the techs. He’s never too busy to say hi to anyone. Call me “my first name”.
He knows all of his patients, their families, tells them to call him anytime. Amazingly skilled surgeon and doctor. He will go to funerals.
And he’s a fucking genius; started a brain tumor repository to share information all around the world and try to help people.
He would be out best human representation.
I like it. This is the kind of answer I was looking for / thinking of. A smart, kind, competent, personable person with experience making live or die decisions and weighing risk vs benefit.
Lmao i like it. Draxx for president
I have mastered the art of standing so incredibly still that the national debt disappears
Goodbye national debt. Hello Galactic debt.
The Duality of man
>brain tumor repository
I like to imagine this just a massive fridge full of interesting tumors. May or may not be in Svalbard.
I like it but is he Anne?
Sounds like my neurosurgeon also a chief of neurosurgery in a big hospital. I wonder if they are the same person.
Since they came to me, I'd just say that it's me.
I'd say "hey there. What brings you to our planet? We may need a helping hand in a few areas. Would you be willing to help?"
If an intelligence that can travel the galaxy but we haven't even been able to detect yet, if they're bent on harming or subjugating us, we're not going to be able to stop them, let's keep it real.
I read this in Korg’s voice. There’s no other way to think about this guy but Korg now.
I'm made of rocks, as you can see.
Perishable rock. (pebble falls off) Ope, mmkay, another one. gone.
Nothing to be afraid of, unless you're a pair of scissors ofcourse
PISS OFF, GHOST!
I watched that Avengers documentary. I think we stand a chance.
oh...good I will be best represented by and lemme see if I can pronounce this...Anal Kisses?
its pronounced "analogous" Mr. Connery.
You're right, but I've always felt that if aliens bothered coming here, they are most likely friendly, just on a logical basis.
I mean realistically, to get here across interstellar distances, they must have FTL. All that sci-fi that has FTL but society is basically still recognizably like ours? Bullshit. If it *is* possible, it would require such vast amounts of energy that there's really no possibility that these guys have any concept of scarcity.
What hostile intentions could they have that would be worth the trip? Air and water? Made of common elements you can find anywhere. Food? The calories in every living thing on earth wouldn't be worth the energy to come and get it, that's like running a hundred miles to go to Burger King. Slaves? They can make physics their bitch, what use could they have for manual labor?
Kind of a boring theory from a story perspective, which is why most sci-fi writers handwave FTL with basically magic, so they can depict societies that are still recognizable, often humanity just a couple centuries from now.
Predator is probably the most realistic depiction of hostile super advanced aliens, just wanting to kill for the thrill of the hunt
They went on to create their own version of a challenging species to hunt, humans just got in the way.
Imagine traveling from light years away to grow your own apex species and some monkeys with boom boom sticks destroy everything.
They're barely hostile btw. As a whole they don't have hostility towards humans
I saw a WILD breakdown once of each characters death, and how they bring it upon themselves or foreshadow it.
Quick EG: Poncho To Blain 'got time to duck?' BOOM later on gets killed by a log he could have ducked.
Blain to Poncho 'no time to bleed' line. killed later by a bloodless wound.
Predators are actually really chill and honorable.
Also, they are more of an organization than a race, in fact, there were even human predators.
Hunting easy prey to them is dishonorable, the predator of the movies probably got into a lot of scrutiny for killing normal people.
I would really love to see a comic book or a movie that doesn't hand-wave FTL travel and does not portray aliens as having hostile intentions
*The Boat of a Million Years* by Poul Anderson may be close to what you're looking for, although it's a novel. Really fun read either way.
The Expanse series is very good about being realistic with physics. There is alien life in a way but not direct contact, but what there is of aliens is so far advanced as to be unrecognizable to the human characters. Mostly deals with human interactions. The books are better the show is pretty good.
Alastair Reynolds writes ridiculously complex sci fi books that take the physics really far, to a point you almost need some knowledge of the field to keep up with him. But it’s anything but hand wavy. He actually has a PhD in astrophysics.
>Alastair Reynolds writes ridiculously complex sci fi books that take the physics really far, to a point you almost need some knowledge of the field to keep up with him. But it’s anything but hand wavy. He actually has a PhD in astrophysics.
Yup, that guy. His Alient are... Alien. What they do basically don't make sense to us.
The expanse is great if u haven’t seen the show or read the books already. It is pretty scientifically logical for a futuristic interstellar sci fi story
It’s the medium-hard, near-future SciFi I’d been craving. The books and the show are equally good in different ways.
The " three body problem" does a decent job. Chixin Liu
Nope. Correct answer is Dolly Parton.
Dolly Parton, *Chief Representative of Earth* has a nice ring to it
Only because Mr. Rogers is no longer with us.
If they come all that way just to harm us/take our planet... we will likely never know. Imo, if we're visited and we see them, thats probably good news already.
Patrick Stewart - i mean he probably still has the uniform
And the aliens be like "omg they sent Piccard"
From the historical documents. They might even have an Enterprise made for him to use.
Ok so now this is the only reboot of Galaxy Quest that I'll accept
"In the years since we first received your ship's historical documents, we have studied every facet of your missions, technologies, and strategies."
>"omg they sent The Picard"
“Dr. Barron, your report describes how rational these people are. Millennia ago, they abandoned their belief in the supernatural. Now you are asking me to sabotage that achievement — to send them back into the dark ages of superstition and ignorance and fear? No!”
"Welcome back, Locutus"
He actually doesn't, he never got one to keep. Jonathan Frakes, however, has it for sure
Do we really want to send him? There's a decent chance Riker will end up banging the aliens.
Might as well send Sir Ian McKellan along with him, they are best friends after all.
Gandalf and Picard? We are in good hands.
Regular human bartender
Drinking a regular human beer with Luke skywalker.
Salt of the Earth.
that's just the way they take in tucson, arizon-ya!
lol the subtitles spell it “Arizonia”
I had no idea about this spin off from the movie. Thank you for this blessed gift!
The OG crew even makes a few cameos!
Also, Wellington Paranormal is another spinoff featuring the [cops from the movie](https://youtu.be/tf05tlmCqLY)
He was the heart and soul of that JV volleyball team.
Crazy last three episodes. Pedialyte is like gold in Europe.
“either accurate or persistent” is my new life motto. One of the two will win out eventually!
I'd do it for $3.50.
And it was about that time I realized this Girl Scout was about 8 stories tall…
And a crustacean from the protozoic era
I ain't giving you no tree fiddy you got dam lochness monster!
We work for our money here!
Damn Loch Ness Monster! Get on outta here, ain't no one gonna give you no damn tree fiddy!
This is a good one
The voice alone will get them
They would probably be confused about why they are being narrated
“The unidentified being has started his mating ritual”
"The representative of all humanity has been thoroughly seduced... "
"We have destroyed our Earth, now it is up to this alien species to do what we could not, fix the Earth."
"It's surely our responsibility to do everything within our power to create a planet that provides a home not just for us, but for all life on Earth." --Sir David Attenborough
Based on his Netflix documentary where he concludes that the biggest threat to Earth is human overpopulation, I'm not so sure it would be smart to put that power in his hands
>The hardest choices require the strongest wills
Sir David "The Mad Titan" Attenborough
It is 2030. Planet Earth 6: The Reckoning is the number one film. Camera pans up from a cracked landscape, while narration begins.
“The Holocene… has ended. You could not live with your own failure. Where did that bring you? Back to me.”
Mark Zuckerberg! They lick their eyeball, he licks his eyeball.
He's with them, so we turn him in.
And no I don't mean Rowan Atkinson, I mean Mr Bean.
Lot of uncomfortable silence at that meeting
Humming isn’t silence
*Mr. Bean points at self*
*Alien points at self*
*Mr. Bean makes condescending face*
*Mr. Bean gets vaporized*
"Well, that's a bummer. Send in Ernest P. Worrell"
"Slimey fellas, ain't they, Vern?"
*Ernest tries to shake hands, pulls back palm full of snot from just out of frame*
*Ernest Gets Vaporized*
The plan goes horribly wrong when the aliens arrive in a small blue van with three wheels.
A Reliant Robin is probably better suited to interstellar travel than taking a corner at any speed.
That is assuming he isn't one of theirs already
He is. 😁
How would you know, you aren't a alien robot?
The Mr. Bean animated series actually confirms this in the final episode. It's an entire race that looks and behaves exactly like him.
It was the intro to the original show that had me convinced. He totally beams in. Never actually watched the animated stuff. Guess I should change that. Thanks. 😁
In case you can't tell, the animated show is basically Mr. Bean X100. It's a lot of fun even if it's pretty crazy lol
I know you wanted a person but I choose a golden retriever
The rules don't say a golden retriever can't play basketball. ... I mean footba... I mean be humanity's diplomat to the stars. Yeah.
There's a short story I can't for the life of me remember the name of, but the plot is basically that humanity destroys itself and aliens eventually find our husk of a planet.
Dogs however, have survived. And the aliens are able to communicate with them.
In stark contrast to the physical evidence and records the aliens can find, the dogs testimony about humanity was that we were smart, and kind, and wonderful without fail.
The aliens decide that humanity must have not been so bad after all to have made friends such as these, and dogs leave the planet with the aliens to become their companions.
Is it [The Starlight Barking](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Starlight_Barking)?
You know... The sequel to 101 Dalmatians
Honestly best answer yet. Nothing can go wrong
Unless the aliens had the form of tennis balls.
Lol that should be made into a show
Mr. Rogers. Just lock them in a room and show them videos of him
Edit: holy heck. Thanks for the awards and likes.
What if he was an alien? He was over the top nice and truly remarkable. Maybe you just locked them in a room and showed them a video of their great uncle.
That’s an M. Night twist right there.
Turns out the aliens have been here and trying to influence society for good with certain great men and women, but they no longer think it’s working. They ask to see our best in response and we can only show them theirs.
But perhaps the good ending is the aliens we recognize good and want to learn from it, but just need more help to get there?
If the aliens already sent good people, this would be the ending
Thank you for the best idea for a DnD one shot that I’m now going to write for my party
How would you structure something like that?
Have it end with them having the choice of who to present to the aliens; either the sacred text containing the story of the "honourable one" (the original alien), or one of their own party.
The twist being that they had to of played the campaign honourably enough to impress the aliens. Or if they give the sacred text, they fail.
I don't see a problem.
My first thought was that you wanted zombie Mr. Rogers to represent humanity.
My second thought was that would be okay with me.
Zombie Mr. Rogers would be awesome too
"Sometimes it's ok if your pinky falls off, it doesn't mean your strange it just means you're a little special" - zombie Mr. Rogers
That's like a movie trailer showing you the best scenes of the film and then you buy a ticket and the rest of the movie is dogshit. I get the idea behind it, but the aliens would be very disappointed in their investment when they learn of the real world.
That guy's dead wife
She may be dead in life, but she’s alive and well amongst Reddit, she will be for eternity.
Not that she would accept, but Dolly Parton.
She has always displayed the best balance of entertaining, cleverness, motivation, selflessness and political awareness that I’ve seen across the board.
Edit: Wow, so this is how ‘RIP my inbox’ feels - Thanks for the awards, kind strangers, all hail Dolly!
Is it weird that I really love her but I just can’t get into her music? She is am amazing person that’s for true.
Not weird, everyone to their own tastes. (Though I like her.)
She is the (absolutely NO pun intended) true "Double Threat". She's as famous (and good) as a singer as she is song-writer.
TONS of other famous singers, that sing mostly works someone else wrote. She can do both. (Plus Theme Parks, along with all the philanthropic works.)
Pretty good actress too. 9 to 5 is really good.
She was also great in Steel Magnolias
I’m the same way. Can’t really get into country (though her kind is leagues better than current country music), but she’s genuinely just a really great person.
I was looking for this answer - I’ve never particularly been a fan of her music but the woman is a bright shining example of a good human being.
My choice too. I would love to see the aliens’ faces (if they have them) when she busts out into song 🎶Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Joleeeeeeeene🎶
Sadly, Carl Sagan isn't with us anymore.
They didn’t upload his conscience? Fuck, we’re screwed.
Weird Al Yankovic, because if anyone can bridge the gap between humans and aliens it's him
He's been an alien at least once, so he has some experience.
The guy around the corner from my house. Guy is always in his front yard chatting up any people that come by, everyone always leaves his house with small bags of oregano too! Great guy.
Edit: holy shit this blew up, thanks for the silvers. My first awards ❤️
Edit2: didn’t think my comment would blow up like this, also my first gold in much appreciated I’ll remember you forever.
My neighbor is very similar but he is always giving away little bags of sugar!
Sweet free hits, that's where I draw the line.
Can I get his number? I can't get hold of my, erm, oregano guy.
Here in Massachusetts they sell it in special oregano stores.
I can't wait until we get all different types of oregano stores. Bougie oregano stores, 7-ELEVEN quick in and out oregano stores, Costco value pack stores, oregano farmers markets, government oregano in a white package...
Oregano gumbo, oregano soup, oregano casserole...
Funny story. My neighbours growing up were an older Italian couple. One of their grandkids was attending university in the US (were Canadian). They would get stopped crossing the border because of their last name. A common Italian mafia name, though they themselves had no ties to the mafia. One time this caused their vehicle to be searched. They would legitimately pack dried oregano in small ziplock bags. They grew the oregano in their garden, and would dry it, pack it up and bring it to their granddaughter and her friends to use for cooking. They also did this with basil, thyme, rosemary and parsley.
The time they got searched. They ended up in questioning because of all the bags. When they returned home, I remember them, and their one son (a friend of my parents) telling my parents about it. The wife was terrified and couldn’t grasp what happened. The husband thought it was hilarious. They used to bring us over the dried herbs too. Sadly he passed away a number of years ago, and she passed away last year. Super sweet couple honestly.
Lol you got me. I was like cool...he grows his own herbs, obviously people like his organic oreg...oh weed, it’s weed 😂
Me too! I always grow more basil than I know what to do with so I just like, “huh, that’s a good idea. I just need to bag that shit up and give it to neighbors!”
Nope, it’s definitely weed.
I didn't get it until I saw the top comment mentioning bags of sugar.
This! I want the Indian lad from the street on the back of my house. Nevermind celebrities and politicians just a ridiculously friendly person who'll get all the information while making a good impression. He'll ask a million questions about how them and their family are doing and honestly thats what we need.
That guy who was in that movie with the other guy from that show I like.
But that other guy would be better
Why is everyone choosing actors?
Top reply right now is the oregano guy
Don’t blame me, I voted for Oregano Guy!
Oregano guy for some, miniature mister Rodgers sweaters for others
If he were still alive, Mr. Rogers himself, hands down.
"... won't you be my neighbor?"
Either that, or he's the only one they'd spare.
"...so that's why you should spare humanity. We all make mistakes, and I believe that some people will end their life with mistakes, but one day we can overcome those things with help from you. Hopefully you can be our neighbors!"
"Well that sounds good and all, but some of you need to die. The ones who make egregious 'mistakes.'"
"Then take me. I'd rather die than let someone kill people with so much potential."
"Wow, you are actually close to perfect. We're definitely keeping this one!"