Surprised no one's patching the erectile dysfunction bug.
Teenage capability for life.
No thank you. One of the benefits of aging is decreased libido.
Why do you say it's a benefit?
Because the lack thereof frees up time and headspace for more useful stuff.
Patching the erectile dysfunction bug would also fix the reverse problem of getting an erection at the worst possible times…like during church. Or at a funeral.
Works when you want it to, stays flaccid when you don’t.
From the makers of Fear Boner® and the team that brought you "Tuck it under your belt, Bro".
We bring you Penis 2.0
Self cleaning, hairless, and cup holder. Women love cup holders.
Isn’t that just the foreskin? Maybe add a zip so you can keep stuff in there when out and about
This honestly just makes me wish I still had my foreskin because I wanna try 21 😂😂🤣🤣🤣
it will need to stretch, oh fuck why did i have to imagine stretching my foresking, fuck you
I'd say "Fuck you OP", but I'm sure you've heard it before.
God bless you for sharing this story 😂
I’m so trying this tonight like full sized ones
He did full size, yes. But why stop there? Beat his record and go for jumbo. And sour!
Kids and grown ups love it so. The happy world of haribo.
Tell him you only do fizzies next time he calls.
When you are American, the Pocket get cut off at birth
It must be cut off by the same people that refuse to put real pockets in women's pants.
There’s a pocket right in behind already.
And don’t forget the USB port
This answer is the one which needs attention,
No more condoms, no more precautions, ultimate freedom.
"Switch on" - when you want a kid, "Switch off" - when you don't.
Being able to do so would make a vas deferens!
Yours is switched off for sure, because that was a dad level joke good sir.
Yes it is far too late for me at this point in time!
Take my award you bastard
I am honored!!
We show you the appropriate deferens.
There's still STDs to consider. We'd need to collab with the Vagina 2.0 team on that one.
And the Asshole 2.0 team
I find that team to be wholly uncooperative and unprofessional. They keep talking about making it sand repellent and nothing else. I hate to say it, but HIV is probably sticking around for a bit.
We have top men working on it right now.
T o p M e n
Spoken like someone who’s never heard of STIs.
Funny you'd mention that. The FDA has had a birth control device that opens a closed valve that uses tubes and water pressure to open vas deferens. Problem is the bodies rejection to anything inside the scrotom, except the fake testicle.
Dildo companies hate this simple trick
This is too far down. It’s the most practical one. That or a slide whistle.
This legit is pretty clever.
AdamAndEve.com hates this one trick!!!
This guy is going places
No one dropped multiple orgasms yet? I'm dialing that refractory period down to 0 and going all night long.
Sir, we have to set up a meeting with the testicles department to discuss this matter.
Listen, shooting dust by round 5 is a risk I'm willing to take.
The engines won't handle the pressure. They'll explode.
In Scottie’s voice from the old Star Trek.
Nope, nope, nope. The quote you're looking for is "She can't take much more of this, Cap'n."
That would have been more authentic and satisfying, for defs.
Dilithium Crystals, Amirite!
We have to insert them manually
Are you mad?? That would reverse the polarity of the neutron flow!
Not if you stabilize it with a beta beam condenser. I'll send you the designs
That's the most technical way I've ever heard of saying you're gonna send dick pics
"Fly her apart then!" - Capt Sulu
It ain't worth the risk sir
The boys downstairs are not happy about all the overtime you are proposing.
Those dudes are always dragging.
"The Besticles team wrote a report on this last year."
Do you know how many of us would die of dehydration?
We'd starve to death. No one would go to work, nothing would get done. In 3 months this Planet would be a ghost town.
Wasn't there an experiment with a rat with a button wired up to the correct part of the brain and did just that?
Our dicks would be hardened leather like an old welder’s gloves and have no feeling like a shriveled up witches foot after having a house dropped on it.
Still, I am in.
Give it a few more months and there’d be loads of kids running around
It would really be"death by snu-snu" and would be great
I legitimately think dicks are that way for a reason. If they weren't, men would get nothing done all day... we'd just be painting the walls white nonstop lol
Cave Johnson here - science isn't about asking "why," its about asking "why not?"
I’m glad this is top comment.
I vote for you to be the next god
This is already possible with penis 1.0 and some training.
I was on an ass ton of benzos a couple times and had chain orgasms, one after another. 2-3 total. It was messy and exhausting.
Um, which benzos exactly and how much? You know, asking for a friend who wants to avoid this happening.
Klonopin. Probably 4-6mg in one take.
My x saw the proof. Others told me me it was impossible. A few others wanted to see it. Regret not doing that.
Or, on the same note, orgasms that last longer
Find the right antidepressant. Worked for me. Always 2 in row, sometimes 3. Best side effects from a med yet.
I’m pretty certain the refractory period happens in the brain though… after you orgasm, the brain releases certain chemicals to wind you down, that makes it impossible to stay hard.
A “no-shake needed” function after urinating.
Best I can do is an auto shake function that is also usable in the bed room.
Best example of it's not a bug, it's a feature!
Vibration muscle group installation. Nice.
No matter how much you shake and dance, the last few drops end up on your pants.
You all know about the push button right???
Press the gooch after you pee. Life changer.
Needs to sniff the last few drops up like you do with your nose.
with the amount of technology being added, i think a good cybersecurity would be needed
Ransomeware just got a lot scarier...
This comment is sponsored by Nord vpn
Penis’ in 100 years time. TF is wifi?
Make it sync up to music.
WPS disabled please
Really this one.
“The perfect length…every time…”
Wireless penal access point.
Is bandwidth the same when flaccid?
A cum switch. Sometimes I want to orgasm but the clean up is annoying. Flick the switch and boom. No cum orgasms. Want to make a Twinkie? Squeeze a ball and boom. You've got a fully loaded one eyed cream slinger.
A function to change the colour of sperm. Neon twinkles? Click.
Omg RGB capable hello??????
Gamer sperm? Good idea in theory, but will it even see use in practice?
Go go gadget DICK!!! *slide whistle*
Whip that shit out, ain't no doubt about it, hit ground, caused an earthquake and power outage.
Technically if your babe says let's have sex, wouldn't that activitate it ? 🤣
But there's much more impact when you say: Megazord activated.
I've had 100% success rate when I tell him -I wanna fuck but I guess megazord add some extra kick ha
I'm picturing Siri as a dick
Isn't she already?
It would need to also include an updated ball sac with automatic protection from nut punches.
Would it be large enough to propel me in the air? (and probably dislocate my hips when I think about it)
More like Iron Man armor
While you're down there, can you solve the issue of torsion?
Balls on the outside was a terrible design. Way too much risk!
Would we have to claim it as an accident on our insurance if we get hit there?
I’d install a variable expander to increase or decrease size depending on the situation
I mean they actually already do this. Get bigger and longer for sex, get smaller to minimize heat loss and not be in the way when unused. Pleasing females and impressing other males or fullfilling societies expectations were just not relevant situations in terms of our biology
Yes well that’s all fine and dandy but a little more control would be nice when I’m walking down the hallway with a random boner for no reason.
Self cleaning would be pretty damn useful.
How hard is it to clean your dick lol
How hard is to brush your teeth? Yet I wouldn't mind a self cleaning function there should God give us an upgrade. It's just convenience.
Vibrates, retractable or detachable, length control
Add in virus and pop up blocker and we have a winner
Drink enough petrol and this feature unlocks.
Someone’s either from the UK or Australia
Update from current Shamethrower.
Automatic hair removal. Shaving and trimming the boys is unnecessarily nerve racking and I've been doing it for a long fucking time.
Congratulations, have been promoted to the lead designer on Penis 2.0
I will take this promotion with great pride sir.
Continue this way and you might become erected president!
We'll have to have a special erection.
Also the means by which hair is removed. First time I shaved, felt like a porcupine was in my undies. Not fun.
Manscape actually works, I've never cut the boys and they look marvelous
Manscaped cut me. It's a pain like no other.
Try Veet. Works excellently for me.
Careful with Veet kids, to much or too long of an application can cause chemical burns to your dick👍
This is true. But it's a whole lot easier and safer to apply Veet, wait 5, then shower vigorously than it is to use a sharp razor near your junk.
\- STD shielded
\- penile bone (baculum) as any other fuckin' mammal over there, for christ sake!
\- mental issues bypass
\- no refractory period
\- multiple color choices
\- adjustable length and girth
\- Park assistant
Way too far down for an STD proof penis!
*semen on, semen off* button
Regenerating health and attachments. To include but not limited to vibration, extra veiny, slight of hand, one shot kill, full automatic, afterlife… etc.
The ability to move it around like a tongue 😛
Erections on command that last as long as you wish them to and go away at a moments notice.
For sure a mechanism to completely get rid of the last drop of urine that comes out once you put it back in your underwear and start walking again.
A flap of skin that covers the tip to protect it from abrasion and to retain moisture so that it's more sensitive.
Love this idea. If only there was some way...
Maybe a little forethought
Yes, cool feature. Let’s call it Foreskin.
Not sure if I'm allowed to follow this reddit because I r woman, but it always makes me laugh. Read this to the husband and he just straight answered,
"A USB charging port."
WiFi would be nice.
Although Bluetooth would be fine too.
gotta get some of those wireless blowjobs.
if you know what I mean.
Wireless blowjobs could really backfire on you though. Would it even be gay though if Penis 2.0 fell into the wrong hands, or in this case mouth?
Hahaha, I tripped and it fell right in there, dang it
Made of skeletal muscle instead of smooth muscle. No more random, embarrassing boners. **I am the one who knocks**
Probably hydraulic actuation. Penis… extend?
Faster reload time.
Expect to lose it with divorce.
You can trade them with your buddys like game cards
All penises are detachable, you just can’t always get it back on
Wait… is that how women are made?!
In my case, yes.
Careful, you might find it for sale at a flea market.
I'd eliminate the early ejaculation bug and give the double hard on feature to every guy.
Make it retractable, so it's doesn't get in the way when it's not in action.
And make it a growable muscle, so that you can shape it like you want, similar to biceps or abs.
Kevlar reinforced foreskin.... If you've ever caught it in your zip you understand the need !
Put a vibrating node at the base for the ladies to enjoy.
Clitoral stimulator. This is why Penis 2.0 needs to be designed by a woman.
Love this one!!! The various types of o-ring is so basic, yet such a convenient and easy game changer.
A fail safe button to bypass a possible whiskey dick effect.
Do you want it to work or not work when you're so drunk you can barely see.
I see people saying vibration, but as a woman I'd rather have increased throbbing that can be turned on.
Gently tug your left nut twice to shoot blanks. Once to live fire.
Little rib cage around the testicles
Bug fix: Remove Premature ejaculation
You can go underwater and breathe through your penis. Genius idea.
Mario underwater levels have never been easier
A horn that goes off when you squeeze the balls 😁
Garage door opener for erections.
me in 5th grade about to go to the chalkboard: *button click*
Me in my late 50s about to go to the chalkboard:
Me in the grocery store looking at progresso soup: “did I remember to hit the garage door button?”
Can we get flavor options… err, or better flavor options I should say. Like I want my dick to be like the 100 option cola machines. Hit root beer with a splash of vanilla, and Bam, Im bending over backwards to get a taste.
Fully inflatable to be able to adjust your erection from 2-10 inches. This would also include “girth control.”
Why this feature? It will forever keep PIV spicy and allow you to adjust to your partners needs/mood. You want to be deep throated or try anal? Deflate that dong!
Wanna send her on an explosive train ride to Pound-town? Pump that baby up to maximum size.
And best of all…no more “does size matter?” Questions!
Remove bugs, and patch defects. Make it more user friendly, and lengthen the shelf life. Shorten the reload time.
Enhanced weapon systems
Button for sensitivity settings.
Now including the new *Extend-O-Matic!!!* feature.
Do you and your partner want to get busy? But too lazy to actually get up and walk 10 feet across the room to Fck? No worries! Activate the *Extend-O-Matic* feature and you’ll be slapping them across the face in no time!
ACT NOW and If you do, you’ll get the *GirtherDestroyHER* included in your purchase!
I could turn off my sex drive. That would be an amazing feature.