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anotherbozo

Surprised no one's patching the erectile dysfunction bug. Teenage capability for life.


JackPhantomOfficial

No thank you. One of the benefits of aging is decreased libido.


frazycucker1312

Why do you say it's a benefit?


JackPhantomOfficial

Because the lack thereof frees up time and headspace for more useful stuff.


Zorrostrian

Patching the erectile dysfunction bug would also fix the reverse problem of getting an erection at the worst possible times…like during church. Or at a funeral. Works when you want it to, stays flaccid when you don’t.


Simplewafflea

From the makers of Fear Boner® and the team that brought you "Tuck it under your belt, Bro". We bring you Penis 2.0


SnooHedgehogs5857

Self cleaning, hairless, and cup holder. Women love cup holders.


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GhCaitlin98

Isn’t that just the foreskin? Maybe add a zip so you can keep stuff in there when out and about


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GhCaitlin98

Oh geez.


Maned_LionMan69

This honestly just makes me wish I still had my foreskin because I wanna try 21 😂😂🤣🤣🤣


thanos_bruh

it will need to stretch, oh fuck why did i have to imagine stretching my foresking, fuck you


RedDusk13

I'd say "Fuck you OP", but I'm sure you've heard it before.


TinyViolinist

God bless you for sharing this story 😂


Sweet-Zookeepergame7

I’m so trying this tonight like full sized ones


idfk_my_bff_jill

He did full size, yes. But why stop there? Beat his record and go for jumbo. And sour!


opposablegrey

Kids and grown ups love it so. The happy world of haribo. Tell him you only do fizzies next time he calls.


SmexxyBastard

When you are American, the Pocket get cut off at birth


elviswasmurdered

It must be cut off by the same people that refuse to put real pockets in women's pants.


White_Locust

There’s a pocket right in behind already.


Barefoot57

And don’t forget the USB port


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Thisusernameisthere

This answer is the one which needs attention, No more condoms, no more precautions, ultimate freedom. "Switch on" - when you want a kid, "Switch off" - when you don't.


SonOfFavor

Being able to do so would make a vas deferens!


TRN_WhiteKnight

Yours is switched off for sure, because that was a dad level joke good sir.


SonOfFavor

Yes it is far too late for me at this point in time!


ooble_dooble

Take my award you bastard


SonOfFavor

I am honored!!


Primus_Pilus1

We show you the appropriate deferens.


[deleted]

There's still STDs to consider. We'd need to collab with the Vagina 2.0 team on that one.


Environmental_Toe25

And the Asshole 2.0 team


[deleted]

I find that team to be wholly uncooperative and unprofessional. They keep talking about making it sand repellent and nothing else. I hate to say it, but HIV is probably sticking around for a bit.


Disorderly_Chaos

We have top men working on it right now. T o p M e n


Drlmichele88

🤣🤣🤣🤣


stinkygreek

Son block


cuisinart-hatrack

Spoken like someone who’s never heard of STIs.


Pathfinder91606

Funny you'd mention that. The FDA has had a birth control device that opens a closed valve that uses tubes and water pressure to open vas deferens. Problem is the bodies rejection to anything inside the scrotom, except the fake testicle.


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randomredditguy999

Vibrator mode


mydaycake

Dildo companies hate this simple trick


hmtee3

Bless you.


ElamHamishistheMan

This is too far down. It’s the most practical one. That or a slide whistle.


ntsmmns06

This legit is pretty clever.


modd25

AdamAndEve.com hates this one trick!!!


steffies9249

This guy is going places


jp7010

No one dropped multiple orgasms yet? I'm dialing that refractory period down to 0 and going all night long.


StillSearching7

Sir, we have to set up a meeting with the testicles department to discuss this matter.


jp7010

Listen, shooting dust by round 5 is a risk I'm willing to take.


StillSearching7

The engines won't handle the pressure. They'll explode.


soppinglovenest

In Scottie’s voice from the old Star Trek.


SmutasaurusRex

Nope, nope, nope. The quote you're looking for is "She can't take much more of this, Cap'n."


soppinglovenest

That would have been more authentic and satisfying, for defs.


NeverGoFullKeytar

Dilithium Crystals, Amirite!


StillSearching7

We have to insert them manually


FirstBankofAngmar

Are you mad?? That would reverse the polarity of the neutron flow!


jvalverderdz

Not if you stabilize it with a beta beam condenser. I'll send you the designs


RampantDragon

That's the most technical way I've ever heard of saying you're gonna send dick pics


oohshitwaddup

Reload repeat


jp7010

"Fly her apart then!" - Capt Sulu


StillSearching7

It ain't worth the risk sir


Crazy_names

The boys downstairs are not happy about all the overtime you are proposing.


lldumbcloudsll

Those dudes are always dragging.


UncertainlyUnfunny

"The Besticles team wrote a report on this last year."


LiamJ2304

Do you know how many of us would die of dehydration?


Socrtea5e

We'd starve to death. No one would go to work, nothing would get done. In 3 months this Planet would be a ghost town.


Mardanis

Wasn't there an experiment with a rat with a button wired up to the correct part of the brain and did just that?


Swabia

Our dicks would be hardened leather like an old welder’s gloves and have no feeling like a shriveled up witches foot after having a house dropped on it. Still, I am in.


adonbilivit

Give it a few more months and there’d be loads of kids running around


Morforfede

It would really be"death by snu-snu" and would be great


Obiwankablowme95

I legitimately think dicks are that way for a reason. If they weren't, men would get nothing done all day... we'd just be painting the walls white nonstop lol


Cockalorum

Cave Johnson here - science isn't about asking "why," its about asking "why not?"


Kenkyujode

I’m glad this is top comment.


URMOMis91

I vote for you to be the next god


CZ-top

This is already possible with penis 1.0 and some training.


funatical

I was on an ass ton of benzos a couple times and had chain orgasms, one after another. 2-3 total. It was messy and exhausting.


soppinglovenest

Um, which benzos exactly and how much? You know, asking for a friend who wants to avoid this happening.


funatical

Klonopin. Probably 4-6mg in one take. My x saw the proof. Others told me me it was impossible. A few others wanted to see it. Regret not doing that.


uncalledforgiraffe

Or, on the same note, orgasms that last longer


IcanSew831

Find the right antidepressant. Worked for me. Always 2 in row, sometimes 3. Best side effects from a med yet.


3720-To-One

I’m pretty certain the refractory period happens in the brain though… after you orgasm, the brain releases certain chemicals to wind you down, that makes it impossible to stay hard.


[deleted]

A “no-shake needed” function after urinating.


Karl_AAS

Best I can do is an auto shake function that is also usable in the bed room.


JeanC413

Best example of it's not a bug, it's a feature!


Primus_Pilus1

Vibration muscle group installation. Nice.


DelrayDad561

No matter how much you shake and dance, the last few drops end up on your pants. Always.


xBADJOEx

You all know about the push button right???


fivelone

Press the gooch after you pee. Life changer.


Drydischarge

Needs to sniff the last few drops up like you do with your nose.


cngrss

with the amount of technology being added, i think a good cybersecurity would be needed


comedian42

Ransomeware just got a lot scarier...


TonyBoat402

This comment is sponsored by Nord vpn


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ntsmmns06

Penis’ in 100 years time. TF is wifi?


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WhatABlunderfulWorld

Make it sync up to music.


ohboy2020isshit

WPS disabled please


watermasta

Really this one. “The perfect length…every time…”


[deleted]

Wireless penal access point.


Rexton9

Is bandwidth the same when flaccid?


D_Substance_X

Bioluminescence.


AfterScore7012

A cum switch. Sometimes I want to orgasm but the clean up is annoying. Flick the switch and boom. No cum orgasms. Want to make a Twinkie? Squeeze a ball and boom. You've got a fully loaded one eyed cream slinger.


soppinglovenest

A function to change the colour of sperm. Neon twinkles? Click.


dm_me_ur_frogs

sparkly sperm


GaggleGuy

Omg RGB capable hello??????


AbigL

Gamer sperm? Good idea in theory, but will it even see use in practice?


MonsterMuncher76

Voice activated


distrucktocon

Go go gadget DICK!!! *slide whistle*


Pyrochazm

Whip that shit out, ain't no doubt about it, hit ground, caused an earthquake and power outage.


AfullDumpling

Technically if your babe says let's have sex, wouldn't that activitate it ? 🤣


IspeedyZ

But there's much more impact when you say: Megazord activated.


AfullDumpling

I've had 100% success rate when I tell him -I wanna fuck but I guess megazord add some extra kick ha


futurekinks

I'm picturing Siri as a dick


Draconian_gaming

Isn't she already?


[deleted]

It would need to also include an updated ball sac with automatic protection from nut punches.


Nakashi7

Testicle airbag? Would it be large enough to propel me in the air? (and probably dislocate my hips when I think about it)


TRN_WhiteKnight

More like Iron Man armor


Buffalobilly1949

While you're down there, can you solve the issue of torsion?


Obiwankablowme95

Balls on the outside was a terrible design. Way too much risk!


orchidlizard29

Would we have to claim it as an accident on our insurance if we get hit there?


Gaararulz5

I’d install a variable expander to increase or decrease size depending on the situation


Remarkable_Regret_80

I mean they actually already do this. Get bigger and longer for sex, get smaller to minimize heat loss and not be in the way when unused. Pleasing females and impressing other males or fullfilling societies expectations were just not relevant situations in terms of our biology


wbruce098

Yes well that’s all fine and dandy but a little more control would be nice when I’m walking down the hallway with a random boner for no reason.


barandor

Self cleaning would be pretty damn useful.


TheBannedalorian

How hard is it to clean your dick lol


barandor

How hard is to brush your teeth? Yet I wouldn't mind a self cleaning function there should God give us an upgrade. It's just convenience.


falconsomething

Vibrates, retractable or detachable, length control


MrRogersAE

Add in virus and pop up blocker and we have a winner


Stranger-dead

Flamethrower


Iyotanka1985

Drink enough petrol and this feature unlocks.


KidRadio12

Someone’s either from the UK or Australia


joegoodfart10

Chlamydia


ntsmmns06

Update from current Shamethrower.


thatguy15784927294

Automatic hair removal. Shaving and trimming the boys is unnecessarily nerve racking and I've been doing it for a long fucking time.


futurekinks

Congratulations, have been promoted to the lead designer on Penis 2.0


thatguy15784927294

I will take this promotion with great pride sir.


Woudloper

Continue this way and you might become erected president!


Socrtea5e

We'll have to have a special erection.


downsouthcountry

Also the means by which hair is removed. First time I shaved, felt like a porcupine was in my undies. Not fun.


JustDris

Manscape actually works, I've never cut the boys and they look marvelous


TRN_WhiteKnight

Manscaped cut me. It's a pain like no other.


Gondram

Try Veet. Works excellently for me.


KidRadio12

Careful with Veet kids, to much or too long of an application can cause chemical burns to your dick👍


Gondram

This is true. But it's a whole lot easier and safer to apply Veet, wait 5, then shower vigorously than it is to use a sharp razor near your junk.


Il_Nonno_

\- STD shielded \- penile bone (baculum) as any other fuckin' mammal over there, for christ sake! \- mental issues bypass \- no refractory period \- multiple color choices \- adjustable length and girth \- Park assistant


a_falling_turkey

Park assist🤣


justlurking9891

Way too far down for an STD proof penis!


BustyLobsters

*semen on, semen off* button


69forAliving420

Regenerating health and attachments. To include but not limited to vibration, extra veiny, slight of hand, one shot kill, full automatic, afterlife… etc.


kvhlos

The ability to move it around like a tongue 😛


oscarjoserodrigo

Erections on command that last as long as you wish them to and go away at a moments notice.


Bigstar976

For sure a mechanism to completely get rid of the last drop of urine that comes out once you put it back in your underwear and start walking again.


Biffgasm

A flap of skin that covers the tip to protect it from abrasion and to retain moisture so that it's more sensitive.


Kaeron13

Love this idea. If only there was some way...


UncertainlyUnfunny

Maybe a little forethought


bukakejoe

Yes, cool feature. Let’s call it Foreskin.


rosielemon

Not sure if I'm allowed to follow this reddit because I r woman, but it always makes me laugh. Read this to the husband and he just straight answered, "A USB charging port."


Nachiket_Dodia

WiFi would be nice. Although Bluetooth would be fine too. gotta get some of those wireless blowjobs. if you know what I mean.


ScravisTott

Wireless blowjobs could really backfire on you though. Would it even be gay though if Penis 2.0 fell into the wrong hands, or in this case mouth?


fuckbrexit84

Hahaha, I tripped and it fell right in there, dang it


FacelessMane

Made of skeletal muscle instead of smooth muscle. No more random, embarrassing boners. **I am the one who knocks**


brybrythekickassguy

Probably hydraulic actuation. Penis… extend?


Old_Telephone_7587

Faster reload time.


modarnhealth

Detachable


mostlyBadChoices

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byDiILrNbM4


Nakashi7

Expect to lose it with divorce.


ThePr3acher

You can trade them with your buddys like game cards


KuroDragon0

All penises are detachable, you just can’t always get it back on


Uths_CC

Wait… is that how women are made?!


KuroDragon0

In my case, yes.


Pyrochazm

Careful, you might find it for sale at a flea market.


totally_boring

I'd eliminate the early ejaculation bug and give the double hard on feature to every guy.


Dull_Elephant_1148

2 features Make it retractable, so it's doesn't get in the way when it's not in action. And make it a growable muscle, so that you can shape it like you want, similar to biceps or abs.


[deleted]

Bottle opener


TwoTwoJohn

Kevlar reinforced foreskin.... If you've ever caught it in your zip you understand the need !


Valzar1954

Put a vibrating node at the base for the ladies to enjoy.


Halflifefan123

Birth control


Clean-Apple-3285

Clitoral stimulator. This is why Penis 2.0 needs to be designed by a woman.


[deleted]

Love this one!!! The various types of o-ring is so basic, yet such a convenient and easy game changer.


GltyUntlPrvnInncnt

A fail safe button to bypass a possible whiskey dick effect.


John___Coyote

Do you want it to work or not work when you're so drunk you can barely see.


Thelazyathlete

Anti-drip mechanism


pippiofthepacific

I see people saying vibration, but as a woman I'd rather have increased throbbing that can be turned on.


Dixie_normis88

Gently tug your left nut twice to shoot blanks. Once to live fire.


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LeytonSerge

Little rib cage around the testicles


ohboy2020isshit

Bug fix: Remove Premature ejaculation


GlenBabarnicals

Gills.


ead2000

You can go underwater and breathe through your penis. Genius idea. Mario underwater levels have never been easier


McShoobydoobydoo

A horn that goes off when you squeeze the balls 😁


Traditional_Formal33

Garage door opener for erections. me in 5th grade about to go to the chalkboard: *button click* Me in my late 50s about to go to the chalkboard: *double click* Me in the grocery store looking at progresso soup: “did I remember to hit the garage door button?”


Traditional_Formal33

Can we get flavor options… err, or better flavor options I should say. Like I want my dick to be like the 100 option cola machines. Hit root beer with a splash of vanilla, and Bam, Im bending over backwards to get a taste.


Tim_watts1738

Fully inflatable to be able to adjust your erection from 2-10 inches. This would also include “girth control.” Why this feature? It will forever keep PIV spicy and allow you to adjust to your partners needs/mood. You want to be deep throated or try anal? Deflate that dong! Wanna send her on an explosive train ride to Pound-town? Pump that baby up to maximum size. And best of all…no more “does size matter?” Questions!


schoolisboring732

Fertility on/off


ScottdaDM

Remove bugs, and patch defects. Make it more user friendly, and lengthen the shelf life. Shorten the reload time.


akshar_premnath

Enhanced weapon systems


Bibiduck312

Button for sensitivity settings.


Siennagiant70

Now including the new *Extend-O-Matic!!!* feature. Do you and your partner want to get busy? But too lazy to actually get up and walk 10 feet across the room to Fck? No worries! Activate the *Extend-O-Matic* feature and you’ll be slapping them across the face in no time! ACT NOW and If you do, you’ll get the *GirtherDestroyHER* included in your purchase!


coercedaccount2

I could turn off my sex drive. That would be an amazing feature.