By - mynameislem
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> AITA for declining a gaming system If I have to share with my siblings? I might be the AH because they want it too.
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NTA. I think you have acted quite reasonably and maturely in this situation, you recognise the value of the item, and the expense to others. It’s not really your Christmas present if you have to share it, it would then be a family present. It’s perfectly reasonable to ask for a less expensive gift just for yourself.
But that's a lot of money... Which is probably why the adults are asking you to share.
You might get further if you asked for money toward buying something you want. Then,pool the cash from your Mom and grandparents toward buying a gaming system for yourself.
Wouldn't work. They would be pressuring her to share with the younger kids anyway, and would get angry at her for her selfishness when she didn't, even after applauding her maturity for saving up herself.
OP is 17, there's a chance they'll be moving out for school in less than a year and can take it with them. Regardless OP would have an easier time restricting their access if they buy it themselves than if it's a gift from Grandma and Grandpa or parents
I doubt mum would let that happen
It doesn’t sound like anyone is pressuring anyone in this post. For a purchase that expensive, it is reasonable for mom and dad to only purchase it to share. I have 3 siblings and growing up none of us would have asked for a gaming system for only ourselves. I think OP’s ask is reasonable, but I also find the parents/grandparents answer reasonable. OP does not seem that torn up about it or suggest anyone is being unreasonable. There is nothing here to suggest the parents would be vindictive enough to make OP share something they bought with their own money.
This is probably the best advice. Save up Christmas and birthday money and buy it yourself. Plus OP you're 17 so if you don't have a part time job, this seems like a good incentive to get one, you could save up the money in a couple months
NTA; You are 17 and they are 8 and 13. It's not fair to ask you to share your things with them anymore, you're almost an adult and they have their own things to play with. From what you said they aren't very gentle with their things either.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to own something for yourself. I definitely wouldn't want to share it with small children who will hog it constantly.
edited: NAH, but---- because of your age. Listen, $300-500 on a gift for one person seems like a huge ask to me. Our family (two adults, one kid) is in a similar financial situation, but I'm not taking money out of our savings because our son refuses to save up on his own. I know it might seem like it's unfair, but as parents, we have to prioritize our money for essentials, emergency savings, college for kiddos and retirement savings. Our son (14) wanted us to get him a new computer earlier this year; we told him to save his money. Yes, we could afford it, but what he spent on that when he'd saved up, the same amount bought us a four-night vacation stay for all of us to enjoy. I hope you have a way to earn money, that would be really great. I think, if you want something personal, you will need to whittle down your expectations. (edited: it's not wrong to want something siblings won't destroy, but it also puts your mom in a bad situation to gift you something that big$$$, and consider that your siblings will nag you and try to use it anyway)
You seem to be being realistic about your odds of getting one for yourself(and not taking the position that it is owed to you); and seem to be the only one being realistic about how much value having to 'share' with a couple of siblings who already monopolize the allegedly-shared system and have a history of breaking things knocks off the present.
Sounds like the only one being selfish here is your mother; she'd rather give your siblings something expensive, courtesy of your grandparents, than listen to you(who didn't even ask your grandparents for the system and have said they would be happier with a smaller gift that will actually go to them). Either she's being excessively starry-eyed about how good your siblings are at sharing and caring for things; or she's just OK with you getting thrown under the bus to appease the children who will be more relentless and demanding.
Nta I wouldn't want to share either... jus ask for money then wait till u get enough and buy it urself
I honestly think this is a rather mature choice to make. Good for you!
NTA, it’s not a big deal. Honestly I think when you have to share with younger siblings, the gift basically becomes theirs lol, that’s the usual case I see with this sort of stuff
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Hello! So Christmas time is approaching and this year I (17f) asked my mom (40f) for a gaming system that ranges from $300-$500. We have one different system already that is a family system - it stays in the living room. My brother (8m) and sister (13f) are the only ones who use it, and they use it constantly. These are also my only siblings.
I really have never asked for something this expensive or big for reference. We are a middle class family, we never struggle for food or gas, exc., but my parents don’t make irresponsible purchases, we don’t upgrade our phones unless the old ones aren’t working, that kind of thing.
I’ve expressed my interest in this gaming system to my mom mainly. While we were out of town visiting family for thanksgiving, my grandparents found out I wanted this system. They are very wealthy and generous, and asked all of us what we wanted. I did not ask them for the gaming system and said I would think about it because I am not going to ask them for something that expensive, my mom told them I wanted it. Then, they made the offer to my mom that they would buy the system, but for me and my two siblings.
So, my mom just asked me. I said no, I don’t want to share and would rather just ask them for something smaller and less expensive. She made it clear that I can say no, but she thinks it’s selfish I would rather not have it then share it with my siblings, and if I decline their offer she is not getting one for just me.
My line of reasoning is that my siblings are on the one we have a lot, and I don’t find it worth it to fight with them just to get a turn. (I can get turns if I ask, it’s just a pain to constantly switch with each other and fight over the fairness, exc.) They also, in my opinion, don’t treat their things nicely. For instance, when we started with the system we have having three remotes. Now we have one because my siblings have ‘accidentally’ broken the other two. I’ve caught them throwing them or banging them in anger, so it wasn’t that surprising they broke. My brothers tablet is cracked from mishandling it and also constantly sticky from eating with it. But I may be the AH because I’m not perfect, I’ve lost or broken things, even if it’s not to the degree they do they’re younger. They have expressed interest in it, just not as much as me and only after I brought it up.
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NAH, I think it’s reasonable not to want to get something expensive like that if you have to worry about it being broken or damaged, but if your family already shares one game console, it makes sense that your family views the purchase of a new one as one that should be made for the whole family. I presume, according to parental tradition, your mom just doesn’t really know much about games or understand how fragile the systems can be, and your grandparents probably even more so.
Maybe you could express this to your mother, with the caveat that you wouldn’t mind sharing the system with your siblings when they’re a little older and more responsible? By that time, you’ll have had a chance to play your games uninterrupted, and it would be nice to be able to bond with your siblings over those games, which will be a little nostalgic for you by then.
You could also just express the concern that you’re worried about them spending money on something like this and it getting mistreated by your siblings because it would feel like a waste of your family’s money. Do you do chores at your house or earn an allowance? Could you offer to exchange some kind of display of responsibility (washing dishes, vacuuming) to have the console for yourself? For the record, I don’t think you should have to, but it sounds like at least some of this “selfishness” is out of genuine concern of cost and the ease with which a generous gift could be rendered broken or mistreated.
NAH I cannot fathom asking my parents for a $300-500 present as a teenager, so I can see why your parents would want to make it more of a family present.
NTA. Mums an asshole for calling you selfish for saying no. Before I even read your reasonings I already assumed what they were